03x02 - Summer Of Discotent

[bunniefuu]

Good morning,
mr. Moseby.

Lovely day,
isn't it?

What do you want?

A summer job
at the hotel.

Forget it.

We're not hiring
hooligans.

Don't you need
someone to cover

The candy counter
while maddie's away?

No. I have found
an excellent replacement.
Heh heh heh.

Millicent, how are
the candy sales
this morning?

Sales? I'm supposed
to charge people for candy?

[whimpers]

Yes. That would explain
the cash register.

Oops. I thought
it was an atm.

I guess this cash
belongs to you.

Oh, my...

♪ here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me,
we got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you
know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me
and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place
to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me,
we got it all for free ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got a suite life ♪

[school bell rings]

Ucch. Why is it
so hot in here?

Because it's
summer school,

Which you have
to go to for failing
the eighth grade.

Just english class.

Besides, plelike who?R
greatest leaders failed
the th

Th-there was that abe guy,

With the beard
and the tall hat.

He lived in gettysburg
and d*ed at the movies.

And yet somehow
you passed history.

You better pass
this one, too,

Or I'm gonna
take moseby up on his offer
to pay for m*llitary school,

So you can either
pay attention now

Or stand at attention later.

Have fun.

Hey, man.
How's it goin'?

Not good.

I'm tryin'
to pick a desk.

If I sit
by the blackboard,

The teacher
will call on me,

But if I sit
in the back and
there's a fire,

I might not
make it out,

But if I sit
by the window,

A large bird
could swoop in
and carry me away.

Well, here's hopin'.

Well, well, well.
Look who we have here.

I'm zack.

And you are?

Shy,
painfully shy.

Don't look at me.

You're in my seat.

Your seat?
It's the first day
of summer school.

Not for me.
I've been comin' here
for years.

It's my name carved
in the desk--brick.

Brick?

Is that because
you're all red-faced

And shaped like
a giant rectangle?

It's short for brickford,
you twerp face.

And that would be
my nickname.

[school bell rings]

[sighs] hello, class.

Welcome. I am mrs. Bird.

That's buh-ird. "bird."

Now, there is
only one person who wants
to be here less than you,

And that is me.

So listen up,
and nobody gets hurt.

[sighs] since this
is summer school,

I thought we would start
with some thematic poetry
about summer.

Huh?
Huh?
Wha?

Oops. Sorry.

I mean some rhymy words
about the hot time.

Oh.
Ok.

Oh, I get it.

Ok, "shall I compare thee
to a summer's day..."

Who do you think that
shakespeare was addressing?

Did you want to answer?

Yes. No.

Yes. Never mind.

Anybody else wanna take
a cr*ck at it?

Brick, nice to see you again.

Laura.

Who do you think that
shak false?

How about you, sweetie?

Oh, no.

Everybody's
staring at me.

I think
I'm gonna hurl.

Movin' my chair.
Movin' my chair.

[growls]

Vi
what about you,
[growls]skater boy?

Uh, I don't know.
Uh...

I think shakespeare
is hittin' on a chick

By tellin' her she's
hot like a summer's day.

No. That's--

That's right.

Good job.

Really?

Thanks.

[coughs] nerd.

There's a nerd
in summer school?

Where?

Hope you guys are
gonna clean those up.

Oh, no.

I am a nerd.

Hiya.

Welcome to the
paul revere mini-mart.

The savings are coming!
The savings are coming!

I'm wayne.
How may I help you?

Well, I see that you have
a help-wanted sign
in your window.

Here's my résumé.

It's got
my school records,

Volunteer work,
achievement awards,

And career objectives.

Wow. You're really
smart and organized.

Yep.
I hate that.

I want
a helper monkey

Who will dance
when I say, "dance."

Uh, well, I--I can do that.

[tentative]
eep, eep.

Sorry, kid.

You're just not cut out
for the paul revere
lifestyle.

What lifestyle?

It's just a bag boy job.

Just a bag boy job?!

See, that proves
how little you know
about the grocery game.

Being a bag boy takes
skill and training.

Now run along, kid.
Don't be a pain
in the wayne.

Oh. Hey, cody.

Hey, london.

Ahh hah!

What are you
doin' here?

I'm hitting up
every store,

Buying up
all this week's
teen trend magazines.

There's a photo
of me scarfing down
a crabcake,

And it ain't pretty.

Well, it couldn't
be that bad.

Whoa.

They should put a toll
in that tunnel.

Exactly.
Look, I'm in a rush,

So take care
of this for me and
keep the change.

I can't belive
you know london tipton.

I've got a blog
dedicated to her,
"love to love london."

I've watched her walk
by the store for months

Just hoping she'd come in
and buy some beef jerky

And share it with me
until our lips meet.

[kisses, sighs]

Yeah. That'll happen.

It will if you want
a job here. Hey...

Get me a date
with london tipton,
and you're hired.

Couldn't I just do
the monkey dance again?

Are you questioning
the appeal of wayneco,

A division
of handsome industries?

No, n-not at all, but--

I'll set it up.

Whew!

But you might wanna use
your employee discount
on some breath spray.

And some
dandruff shampoo.

Oh. And ease up
on the hair gel.

Ok, I graded your
mulitple-choice quizzes.

Mark, you circled
"a," "b," "c," and "d"
for every question.

It's hard to pick
one letter.

Not for me. "f."

Haley, you can come out
from under your bag.

You got the next-highest
grade in the class,

A "d"...

Minus.

I didn't get an "f."
whoo hoo!

Maybe now grandma
will hug me.

Zack, nice work.

Bless you.

Wow.

What'd you get, nerd?

It doesn't matter.

A "a." you got a "a."

Ha ha ha ha!

Shut up.
Yes, sir.

You should all follow

Zack's fine example.

This is a student
who cares,

Someone who went
the extra mile,

Someone who didn't
quit at the--

[school bell rings]

That's lunch.

If anybody needs help
opening their pudding,
ask zack.

So, guys,
any of you wanna share

A peanut butter
and banana sandwich?

I'll take that as a no.

Hey, mr. Moseby,
have you seen london?

I need a favor from her.

Oh. London
doing a favor. Ha!

That's a good one.

Well, it's not a big favor.

I just want her
to go on a date

With the manager
of the paul revere mini-mart.

Oh. [stifles laugh]

So you've seen him?

Seen him? Ooh.

The savings are coming.
The savings are coming.

Ooh. Heh heh heh.

Hey, london.
Hmm?

Do you think
you can do me

A teensy-weensy
favor?

No.

Uhh. You had no idea

What I even
was gonna say.

You were going to say
there's this guy

Who's obsessed with me
because I'm the most amazing
person in the world,

And he just has to have
a date with me.

[stifles laugh]

That's not
what I was going
to say at all.

I was going
to say that...

There's this guy
who...

Works for
a fashion magazine.

Ooh! Which one?
I read them all.

It's a new one
called heiress.

[gasps] ooh, ooh.
I'm an heiress.

Yes. That's right.

That's why he wants
to interview you,

But you don't
wanna meet him.

Who says I didn't
wanna meet him?

You.

Well, what do I know?
Set it up.

It's a date, then.

See? Easy as pie.

[chuckles] yes.

You've
just set up a date,
which is not a date,

Someone thinks
is a date,

And the other person
thinks is an interview.

I mean, what could
possibly go wrong?

You're right.

Maybe I should be there
disguised as a plant.

Yeah, that'll fix it.

Who here has heard
of robert frost?

And, no, he is not
a singing snowman
in a christmas special.

He is a poet.

"two roads diverged
in a yellow wood."

Now, from the first line,
can anyone tell me
what season it is?

Paprika?

No, not seasoning.

Season, time of year.

Zack?

[thinking] so easy.
"a yellow wood."

The leaves
are changing.
It's autumn.

Come on, zack.

You're the only reason
I get up in the morning

And drag my butt
to this monument
to ignorance.

What season is it?

Baseball season?

[laughter]

No. It's autumn.

It is? That must mean
summer school's over.

[laughter]

Sit down.

Word, bird.

Hey, I'm a poet,
and I didn't know it.

I can make a rhyme
anytime.

[laughter]

Me, too. Did I mention
you have detention?

[school bell rings]

Zack, I don't understand.

You were doing so well.
What got into you?

My underwear,
and I didn't want it
to happen again.

Hey. Zack, let's go.

He's not going
anywhere.

Zackary has detention.

Detention?

Great. Now I'm
stuck here, too.

Listen, young man,
you had better not
fail out of summer school.

You're runnin' out
of seasons.

If you think
that I am going--

Shh! No talking.

[school bell rings]

Ok, who here has read
the rest of the poem?

Did you read it
or not, mark?

Uh, no.

Fine. Like I wish
we could do with
the entire summer,

Let's skip to the end.

"two roads diverged
in a yellow wood...

"and I--I took the one
less traveled by,

What do you think
is frost's point? Zack?

This should be
hilarious.

[thinking]
"two roads diverged

"in a yellow wood...

"and I took the one
less traveled by,

The difference."

What frost is trying
to say is--is that

Life is full of choices,

And even though
it's easier to go along

With what
everybody else is doing,

Going the more difficult
way will pay off
in the long run.

Ha ha ha! Good one, zack.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha--

That was right?

That was exactly right.

Good to have you back,
zack.

Aw, zack.

You know what?
That's it.

Look, there's nothing
wrong with being smart.

In fact--and this'll
probably shock you--

Outside these walls,
it's considered
a good thing.

So go ahead,
call me a nerd,

But next year,

When you're all here,
I won't be.

I'll be taking
the road less traveled
right to the beach.

So who's with me?

Apparently no one.

All right, now here's
a tip on how to score
some mega-points with london.

She loves to talk
about herself,

So ask her
lots of questions,

Almost like
you're interviewing her
for your blog.

[scoffs] I was just
gonna show off the g*ns.

Bang!

Th mplan.

Bonsoir, everyone.

Ahh hahh!

The s.S. London
has docked.

Ooh. And the s.S.
Stands for "super..."

Something.

Hey, that works.
I'm super something.

Heh.

London, this is wayne,
the guy I was
telling you about.

It's a privelege
to meet you, london.

I've dreamed about
this moment for years.

Well, I don't give
a face-to-face
to just anyone,

But cody says you're
the man in charge.

Yep, nights and weekends.

Uh, y-yeah, yeah.
That's--that's right.

The man never
stops workin'.

Ok, now go away.
Wayne wants to talk

To a beauty,
not a cootie.

All right.

You two have fun.

This way.

So, what do you
wanna know about me?

Oh, I already
know everything
I need to know.

You're beautiful
and rich.

And that's why
you chose me. Rah!
Rah!

Who wouldn't?!
Ha ha ha ha ha!

[snorting laugh]

O...K.

Well, as an heiress, here are
some of my favorite things.

Me. Ha ha.

Shouldn't you be
writing this down?

Uh, ok,
if you want me to.

I didn't
bring anything
to write with.

Well, that seems odd,

Considering you--

Dropped your pen.

Uh, in this
waiter's pocket.

You know, luckily
I came back
and found it.

She also loves it
when you take notes.

Gotcha. Thanks.

So you must meet
a lot of royalty
in your line of work.

Oh, yeah, sure.
We do a lot of business

With sal
the salami king.

[gasps] I've never
been to salami.

Is it beautiful?

Ah ha ha ha!

Ha. Ha. That's
really funny.

Cody, what are you
still doing here?

I'm, uh...

Having dinner.

Is this blue cheese?

[knock on door]

Mark, what are
you doin' here?

Don't worry, nerd.
I'm not here
to b*at you up.

Whew. That's a relief.

Actually,
I was wondering--

But maybe
you don't want to.

But it would
be really great if--

Uh, I don't think so.

What?

If you could do
some tutoring.

Aren't you nervous
that the rest of the class

Is gonna give you
an atomic wedgie
if you do well?

Nope.

Hey.

What's up, zack?

Hey, guys.
Hey, zack.

Dude.

Wow. Lookin' pretty
tonight, haley. New bag?

Haley: Thanks
for noticing.

Brick.

You're here
to study, too?

Yeah. I gotta get into
high school already.

I mean,
I can't deal with those
tiny toilets anymore!

Well, why don't you all
pull up a seat.

Now, let's cr*ck open
those books, shall we?

So the most important
thing to remember

Is that
shakespeare wrote
in iambic pentameter.

Zack?

Shh. Sit down
and don't disrupt
my class again,

Or I'll give you
detention.

Hey.

You got a date
to the prom yet?

Oh, shucks. If only
you'd asked me sooner.

So, wayne,

How long have you
been writing?

I don't know.
Since I was about .

I had prolem with es.

Me, too. Ha!

But that hasn't
stopped your career.

So how's your circulation?

Oh, it's pretty good,
I guess.

I have naturally
low blood pressure,

Like a jungle cat's.
Rrrowr.

Aaaand that helps you
sell magazines?

Helps me
sell everything.

No one can resist
when captain wayne

Sets his phaser
on charm.

Resistence
is futile.

[nervous chuckle]

So, uh, shouldn't
we be moving on

To the picture-taking portion
of the evening?

Pictures?

I-I'll take it.

Um, uh,
the photographer

Must be
in the bathroom.

Um, wayne,
can I borrow
your phone?

All right, now.

Work it.
[clicking]

Work it--work I--
work what?

What are you
talking ab--

Cody shouldn't
be taking pictures of me

That are gonna be
in a magazine.

Our date's gonna be
in a magazine?!

Bang!

Date?
What's going on here?

Um, uh, nothing.

You know, uh,
just your typical

[whispering]
interview. Date.

Am I on a date
with london tipton
or not?

By the editor I
ofiheiressrmagazine?

Pfft. I'm not the editor
of heiress magazine.

I work at
the paul revere
mini-mart.

Eww. I'm having dinner
with some greasy bag boy?

Hey! I'm the greasy
assistant manager.

Eww. Eww, eww, eww, eww.

Eww! Pfft, pfft!
Eww, eww, eww.

I think
she likes you.

So, wayne, when do I start?

Never.

Is that a firm never?

I don't know how it happened,
but somehow you all
passed this test.

Yeah!
Yeah!

I'd accuse you
of cheating,

But I don't wanna
do the paperwork.

You know what?
Mrs. Bird,
with all due repect,

I don't think
you're giving these kids
enough credit.

They can rise
to a challenge.

You're the best, zack.

You rock.

I love you.

Zack, you make
a good point.

Starting today,
I'm gonna make this class
a whole lot harder.

You're the worst, zack.
You stink.

The heart wants
what the heart wants.

You know, this is
becoming strangely relaxing.

Cody: Hey, wayne.
You wanted to see me?

Right.

Welcome--[blows]--

To the paul revere family.

Really?

You're not mad
about the other night?

Please. It takes
more than that

To derail the wayne train.

[chugging]

Whoo ooh!

But the date
was bogus.

The pictures
you took weren't.

I posted 'em
on my blog.

Suddenly a lot of ladies
wanna take a spin

On the tilt-a-wayne.

So what's my first job,
boss?

Unpack that box of bananas
from south america.

What's this for?

Those tropical spiders
can get pretty big.

Oh, I get it.

Try and scare
the new kid.

Aah!