06x09 - The Hollywood Party

[bunniefuu]

[Whistling]

is the coat about ready? Mmm-hmm.

You know, I still say we must have one of the best suites in the hotel.

A direct view of grauman's chinese theater.

On this side, yeah.

On our side, all we can see is the carter van and storage company.

Oh, that's a famous one. The one the movie stars use, andy.

Oh, we better take a better look at it, hadn't we?

[Door opening]

here's the mail, pa. A letter from miss crump and one from goober.

Oh. Hmm. Oh, good. I'm so anxious to hear from home.

Can I open goober's, pa? It's addressed to the taylor family.

Sure. Go ahead.

Oh.

Oh, goober sent us a clipping from the mayberry gazette.

Lollie latimer's travel column, "longitudes and latitudes."

Does he say anything about us?

Well, I'm looking. Let's see.

Yes! Yes. Andy?

Listen, "that traveling trio, andy, opie and bee taylor,

"are still in hollywood, california,

"the film capital of the world.

"The movie being made about andy, sheriff without a g*n,

"based on the life of a sheriff in a small community,

"is going well.

"Hi, there, mr. Celebrity.

"Your columnist has learned from reliable sources

"that the taylors have made a change in plans.

"They'll stay in hollywood, california, another days.

Remember, you read it here first."

Huh. Goober must've told him.

Mmm, yes.

There's been a lot of excitement at the gas station.

What was the excitement with goober?

Another dogfight at the fillin' station.

That chow and collie again.

Bit right through the air hose.

Goober says he just got in a new shipment of radiator caps, too.

[Chuckling]

helen say something funny?

Uh, n-no. It's just, sh-she writes a nice letter.

What'd she say, pa?

Different things.

She says hello to you all.

Oh? Hmm.

I don't know what makes you lonesomer,

not gettin' mail or gettin' it.

[Chuckling]

well, what'll we do tonight, andy?

Oh, let's not do anything.

We've been runnin' around so much,

let's just kind of hang around here for once, huh?

I think that's a good idea.

Goober says he wants some more picture postcards.

All right, I'll pick some up on the way to the studio.

Oh, andy, you'd better get going. I guess.

I'm nervous about this, you know it?

Oh, andy, what are you making such a big fuss

over a few publicity pictures?

Well, I don't know why my picture's so important.

Are you gonna have your picture taken with darlene mason?

Yeah.

Well, it's important because she's the leading lady of the movie

and you're the real sheriff taylor.

Papers like things like that. Well, I guess.

You think she's as pretty as miss crump?

Well, I guess she is. She's a movie star.

Pa, would you get me her autograph?

Oh, ope, I'm just goin' over there and comin' right back.

Well, it'd be no harm asking her. You'll be there anyway.

Well, all right. Give it here.

Hmm. Well, you better get going, andy.

Hurry up, hurry up. Ok. Bye.

Come on, go on.

Oh, and say aunt bee says hello.

Tell her I said hello, too.

(Andy) bye. Bye.

(Pat) yeah, uh-huh.

Well, I'll... I'll have her there at : .

Yeah. Don't worry. Hi, mr. Michaels.

I'll catch you later.

Hiya, andy. Hi.

You have trouble gettin' here?

No, the bus let me off right in front.

The bu... The bus? Andy.

Look, you should've told me. I would've sent the car for you.

Oh, that's ok. Anytime you want to come here,

I'll send the car for you. Well.

Yeah. And look, now that you're here,

I'd like to get a little dope on you for the fan magazines.

Fan magazines? Well, sure. Fan magazines, newspapers, everything.

This is for the human interest side of the picture. Oh, I see.

"Andy taylor: the man who inspired it all. Fearless and cool."

W-wait a minute. Now andy taylor,

the man who represents law and order,

and rides tall in the saddle. I don't ride a horse.

A man... You don't... You don't ride a horse? No.

You... You must've rode a horse when you were like, I mean...

Well, when I was a kid. Sometime, when you...

So you ride a horse.

How... How tall are you? '.

' ".

I said '.

' ". At least give me a couple of inches.

I don't see any point in exaggerating.

Well, yeah, that's because you're not a publicity man.

You see, it is up to me to make you a fascinating fella.

Of course, a couple of inches ain't gonna do it, but,

you know, you add it all up... You see?

Oh, I see. Anything else? Yeah, girls.

No, no, no, no.

I mean, how many girls you got back there in blueberry?

Mayberry.

Uh, I'm sorry. How many girls you swing with? , , ?

I go with one girl.

Because we have, uh... [Mumbling gibberish]

well, one? Hmm.

Well, you know, I had that feeling.

One girl. One girl. Mmm-hmm.

Well, let's get the pictures. Yeah. Ok.

Ok, lou. Let's go, huh?

Where we gonna take the pictures? Right here

in darlene's dressing room.

In her dressing room? Yeah. See, this is real behind-the-scenes stuff.

Oh, well, listen, maybe she's busy or something.

No, no. She's just gettin' dressed.

Darlene, honey, I got the sheriff with me.

(Darlene) come in.

Oh, listen, maybe I better come back some other time.

What for? I mean, she's gettin' dressed...

Come on in.

Yeah. Darlene, this is andy taylor.

Oh, hi. Nice to meet you.

Oh, well, sit down. Sit down. Oh, thank you.

I'll be ready in a minute, pat.

Yeah, honey, not too heavy on the makeup.

Remember, you're playing a gal from, uh...

What is that again? Mayberry.

Yeah, mayberry, south carolina.

North carolina. North, north.

And, lou, let's get 'em from over here, maybe, huh?

Well, uh, how do you like hollywood? Fine.

You don't say much, do you?

Well, I've, uh...

I've never been in a lady's dressing room before.

[Laughing] oh, well, don't worry about it.

We're just a little more casual here in hollywood.

Where you staying?

The, uh, piedmont, uh, hotel.

Oh, yes, that's very nice.

Well, we like it.

Say, uh, you're nervous, aren't you?

A little, yeah. Well, don't be nervous.

[Chuckling] ooh, say, that's a lot of hair you have there.

Ok, darlene, any time.

Ok. Be ready in a minute.

[Exclaiming approvingly]

well, here we are. This what you had in mind?

Yeah, yeah. That's the image. $ . .

Good. Now, for the first sh*t,

I want both of you in that corner with the script.

The script. Ok. The script... Andy, you move over.

A... A little closer, andy. Move.

Andy, w-we'd like to get both of you on the same negative.

Oh. Move over. You got that, lou? Huh?

Now, look up here.

Um, sheriff, this is not a lineup. Little smile, maybe.

Come on, andy. Smile.

There, that's better.

Ooh, you are a big one, aren't you?

Now, I tell you what, andy, you sit... Sit on the arm.

All right, there we go. Sit on the arm.

There.

Now, uh, how long are you gonna be in hollywood?

A few more days. Oh.

Now, let's change positions.

Ok. Ok, here. Darlene, you sit on the arm.

Here we go. There. Uh-huh.

They're fast, aren't they?

Hey, I just had a terrific idea!

Since you're playin' the female lead in the picture,

and you're the real sheriff,

why don't you two get together?

You know, have dinner, talk over the project.

Be good for the picture, and we could get a lot of good publicity out of it.

Pat, that's a great idea. You wanna do that, sheriff?

Well... I don't have a thing to do tonight.

We could get together, have a bite to eat, talk, you know.

Well, uh, it could be that we... We might be busy,

but, uh, if there's any chance...

Oh, well, if you find yourself free,

I'm at the hollywood marquis. Well.

Now, a nice cozy one.

All right, move over. Ok.

There.

Ooh. Wait a minute, what's that?

Oh, oh. My, uh...

My son wanted your autograph.

[Chuckling] oh.

Well, we'll do this a little later.

Now. (Pat) now.

N-now, close. Close together.

There.

Wonderful! Now that one ought to hit the papers.

That's not so bad, is it?

No, it's not.

[Phone ringing]

hello.

Yes, goober, I saw it.

No, I'm not gonna do anything about it.

No, it doesn't bother me one little bit.

You know, pa,

I think darlene mason's autograph's the best one I got.

Hmm, good.

She sure has good penmanship. Yeah, she does.

Thanks for gettin' it for me, pa. Oh, it's ok.

Listen, if you're goin' out with aunt bee, you better go get ready. Huh?

Ok. I just wanna count my autographs. All right.

[Sighing]

operator, I'd like to place a long-distance call

to mayberry, north carolina.

Person-to-person to miss helen crump.

And the number there is .

Thank you.

I got , countin' yours.

Then you really got .

Gee, they're makin' a movie about you.

That makes you sort of famous. Oh, thanks.

You better go get ready. Ok.

Ok.

Hello!

How are you?

Uh, don't you recognize my voice?

It's andy.

Taylor.

Oh, you did recognize it.

Well, uh, what's new?

What's new? Oh, nothing that'd interest a hollywood playboy.

Playboy?

Oh, did that hit the mayberry paper already?

Well, they told me to smile.

I've seen you smile. That wasn't just a smile.

You were thoroughly enjoying yourself.

Well, I didn't hate it.

Well... Well, what was I supposed to do?

Run and hide in the closet?

Everybody in mayberry's been calling to see

if I saw your picture in the paper with darlene mason.

Now, if you wanna go to hollywood and date starlets,

it's perfectly all right with me.

Now, wait a minute. I didn't date her.

We were in her dressing room.

Wait... Wait... Wait... Wait.

She's a very nice person.

Well, if she's such a nice person,

what are you waiting for?

I'm sure you'd make just a wonderful couple. Goodbye.

Wait a minute!

[Clearing throat]

operator.

Calling somebody?

No, I was just, uh, checking the time.

Opie, are you ready? (Opie) in a second.

You sure you don't want to come on this tour with us, andy?

Oh, I don't think so.

Oh, I understand beverly hills has some beautiful homes.

Oh, I'm sure it does. And the gardens are supposed to be fabulous.

Hmm. They say nowhere on earth do zinnias do better.

Good.

The snapdragons just go crazy. I'm sure they do.

Gee, aunt bee, I hate to go out in this.

Opie, are we going to have to go through all that again?

Ok.

We'll be back in a couple of hours, andy. Ok. Have a good time.

Ok, bye, pa. Bye.

[Door opening]

[door closing]

[clearing throat]

operator, would you get me hollywood ?

Thank you.

Hollywood marquis?

This is andy taylor. I'd like to speak with darlene mason.

Uh, this is andy taylor, miss mason. How are you?

Pa, could I have cents to spend in case they sell postcards?

Ask aunt bee. She told me to ask you.

Excuse me a second. Tell her it's ok.

Is that darlene mason?

Opie, you wanna run along?

What are you callin' her about, pa? Excuse me, it's my son.

Oh, I see.

He, uh, came back for some money

and, uh, he wanted to know why I was calling you.

Well, so do i.

Well... You wanna run along?

Are you gonna make a date with her, pa? Wanna run along?

See you, pa.

[Door closing]

well, are you, pa?

Well, uh...

As a matter of fact, uh, I was wondering

if, uh, if I could come over and, uh, maybe we could

talk about the movie and everything.

Around : ?

Fine.

Right. I'll be there. Bye.

Oh, andy, it was unbelievable.

Such beautiful homes.

And you didn't see anybody on the street but gardeners.

Everybody else was in cars.

(Andy) fine.

We saw a girl that had on an outfit like mine.

It looked awful on her, too.

Andy, have you thought where we'd have supper tonight?

Uh, well, uh...

Ooh, well.

Listen, I won't be able to have supper with you tonight.

I have, uh, an appointment.

With miss mason?

In a manner of speaking.

Darlene mason?

Uh, well. There are some things about the movie that, uh,

she wants to kinda go over.

I mean, since she's playin' the female lead,

and I'm the real sheriff and everything.

Gee, pa, I didn't know you had anything to do with makin' the picture.

Well, there are just some things that have to be gone over.

Well, opie, you and I'll go around to the pizza place.

I'm dying to try it. Oh, boy!

That's a good idea.

Well, I better go. I don't expect I'll be, uh, late.

[Clearing throat]

well, off to work.

[Doorbell ringing]

hi.

Hi.

Come on in.

You're right on time. Oh, thank you.

Boy, you certainly do have a beautiful place here.

Well, thank you.

Well, look at that view. Oh, yes.

[Chuckling]

boy, that's really hollywood, huh?

Hollywood in all its glory.

I guess that's north. Yeah.

That'd be south, then, I guess. I guess.

And you certainly do have a beautiful place here.

Rug and walls and chairs.

Thank you. I, uh, decorated it myself.

You didn't. Yes, I did.

You mean you put all these tables

and lamps and everything in? Mmm-hmm.

Well, that certainly is something.

And what a view. Oh, well, I didn't put that in.

[Laughing] no. I guess it was here.

Andy, can I fix a drink for you? No, thank you.

But it certainly is beautiful. Those drapes and everything.

Thank you. Uh, sit down, won't you?

Uh, well...

I'm certainly glad you changed your mind about coming.

Oh, well, i... I said to myself,

I said, "well, if there's anything that I can do

"to help them make this a better picture,

then that's the thing for me to do."

Well, I think that was very sweet of you, andy. Well...

What color would you say those drapes are?

Yellow.

Yeah, I guess they are yellow.

Well, uh, what do you say we go eat?

Oh, all right, if you like.

Well, where would you like to go?

Well, now, let me see, uh,

the marseillais has the best food.

Oh, but you'll have to call them for a reservation.

Number's right here on the table. I'll go get my things.

Ok.

Hello?

I wonder if I can make a reservation for ?

Oh, I see.

Andrew taylor.

Thank you.

[Sighing]

uh, they said it'd be about a half hour.

Oh. Well, then we might just as well wait here.

Sure, let's just wait right here.

You're going to love the food at this place.

Well, good. I'm sure I will.

Have you ever had escargot?

No, but I'll try anything once.

[Laughing] well, I'll tell you what, andy,

when we get there, I'll order for both of us, ok?

Well, yeah, that would be a good idea.

Let's see, maybe we'll have a little coq au vin,

a little caesar salad... Oh.

I never had that before. Oh?

Well, what do you eat normally?

Oh, just food.

Chicken, meat and like that.

You know somethin'? Hmm?

We haven't talked about the picture.

[Both laughing]

no, we haven't, have we?

All right, come on now, tell me all about mayberry.

Well, there's not much to tell. It's just...

A little town.

Well, what do you do there?

We... Hang around.

Get up in the morning, go to work and come home.

What do you do for entertainment?

Oh, well, we have television and movies.

We've seen you before. Oh.

And we take, uh, rides in the car out of town on sunday.

We have our local baseball team and...

We fish, and we have creeks we swim in.

Evenings, we sit around on the porch and visit,

watch the children playin' under the street lights.

Mmm. I remember doing that as a kid.

Yeah? Uh-huh. I grew up in kansas.

You did? Uh-huh.

You know, we used to go out after dark,

sit on the curb, and tell ghost stories.

Oh, yeah.

And catch fireflies and put 'em in a jar, remember that? Uh-huh. Yeah.

And then you know what else we used to do?

After a rainstorm we go down to the creek.

Um, yeah, whitewater creek it was.

And we'd catch polliwogs. You ever do that?

Yeah. Yeah, I've, uh...

[Clearing throat] listen, I shouldn't be here.

Well, why not?

Well,

see, I have this girl.

Here's her... Her picture.

Oh.

Uh, what's her name?

Helen crump.

And, uh, well, we have this, uh, understanding, and...

Well, we go together. Yes, I see.

And, I had a... Well... [Sighing]

I had a fight with her on the phone and I came over here.

Oh, andy, I understand.

Well, thanks.

Well, let's go eat.

[Both laughing]

come on. Ok. Ok.

Here. Here. Thank you.

You, uh, certainly do have a lovely place.

[Laughing] thanks.

Uh, hello, sarah,

would you get me the piedmont hotel in hollywood?

Yes, sarah, I'm calling andy.

I know I was wrong. That's why I'm calling him.

Now, would you get him for me, please?

[Phone ringing]

hello?

Mayberry!

Hello?

Oh, miss crump.

Fine.

Yeah, it's nice out here.

No, he isn't in now, and aunt bee's restin'.

Oh, do you expect him back soon, opie?

I don't think so.

He went over to darlene mason's apartment.

Oh, I see.

I don't think he'll be back till late, 'cause he was wearin' his blue suit.

Ok, bye.

[Phone ringing]

hello?

Sarah, I'd prefer to handle my own affairs.

You say she called about minutes ago?

Yeah, I think so.

I told her I didn't think you'd be home till late. Thanks.

How come you're home so early, pa?

Did you finish talkin' about the picture? Yeah, I finished.

Well, gee, for such a short time,

I don't know why you had to put on your blue suit.

Hello? Hi, helen.

I hear you called.

Yes, I did, but I seemed to have called the wrong number.

I should have called darlene mason's apartment.

[Phone ringing]

good night, sarah. I'm signing off now.

You sure didn't talk very long, pa. No.

Oh, andy, you're home early.

Yeah. Did you accomplish everything you wanted to?

I got to tell you I don't know what I accomplished.

Hmm?

[Sighing]

listen, i... I got to go out again.

Oh. I won't be gone long and everything'll be fine.

[Door closing]

gee, makin' movies sure takes a lot of time.

Yes, seems to be very difficult.

That's right, just as simple as that.

Well, helen, now do you understand?

Good.

Well, I guess the whole thing was my fault to begin with.

I just don't know how to thank you, miss mason.

Oh, yes, put him on.

She wants to talk to you. Oh, thanks.

Hi, helen.

I-is everything all right now?

Oh, good, I'm certainly glad to hear that.

Well, to tell you the truth, darlene's been just like a sister to me.

What was that? Oh.

Miss mason just opened a bottle of pop.

I think it's a good idea to get this packing started

so we wont be rushed at the last minute.

But we've got more days.

I know. But you know how time flies.

Oh, opie,

I don't think we have enough room to pack all the stuff you bought out here.

Well, it's all good stuff.

If there isn't enough room, maybe I can leave my suit behind.

We'll manage.

Well, opie, have you enjoyed your vacation out here?

Yeah. It's been keen.

[Sighing]

hi. Well, you weren't out very long.

No. Well, did you accomplish what you wanted to this time?

I think so.

Oh, you know, andy, I was thinking.

You know those pictures you had taken with darlene mason?

What about 'em?

Why don't you try and get some

and bring them back to mayberry?

Wouldn't helen be thrilled to see you with one of your co-workers, hmm?