08x22 - Goober Goes to an Auto Show

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Andy.

Hi, goob.

I got aunt bee's car
in tip-top shape.

Oh, good.

What are you doing
with a Raleigh paper?

Reading it.

Andy, that's yesterday's paper.

I know.

You know that's not
as stupid as it looks,

reading a day-old paper.

I do it myself sometimes.

It kind of gives you
a sense of power, don't it?

I mean, knowing how
everything's gonna come out.

Goob, I'm looking
for the announcement

of the auto show in Raleigh.

It opened yesterday.

Well, you want to
know where it's at?

It's at the convention hall
all weekend.

Who's going
to the auto show, Andy?

Well, aunt bee
wants to see the new models.

She's thinking of trading in
her old car.

That's a good thing.

That car of hers
is on its last legs.

You said
it was in tip-top shape.

Well, that's before I knew
she was gonna trade it in.

She's thinking of trading it in.

She might keep it.

Well, it's still got
plenty of miles on it.

Anybody ever tell you
you're a straw in the wind?

No.

Fella in the service
called me hayseed, though.

I let him have it.

Andy?
Mm

I sure would like
to see them new cars.

Can I go to Raleigh with you?

Well, yeah.

We're taking Opie.

Gonna stay overnight.

Kinda make it a vacation, huh?

Yeah, yeah.

Who's gonna keep
the gas station?

I'll let that Norris boy run it.

You sure?
He's not too bright.

Well, he ain't no goober pyle

if that's what you mean,

but, listen, I ain't
taken no time off

since I bought the station.

Well, you're welcome to come!

Good. You know, you're
doing yourself a favor

by goin' to that show with me.

I am?

Yeah, salesmen butter up
to big operators.

They'll roll out the red carpet

when they find out
I'm a station owner

pumpin' gallons a day.

Wait till you see
the free samples we get.

Free samples of what?

Spark plugs, motor oil,
you name it!

Well, if I'm goin' to Raleigh

I better get home and sponge
and press my suit.

I'll see ya.

Okay.

Well, I think we made pretty
good time getting here, Andy.

Yeah! That new expressway
is something, isn't it?

We made it in, uh...

My watch is stopped.

Ope, what time is it?

You want to know the time, paw?

Mm-hmm.

Lobby, please.

Well, you've got a watch.

Could you tell me
the time, please?

It's : , paw.

Are there any messages
for the Taylors

in suite

oh, okay.

Thanks.

It's all free, paw.

Hey, paw, you think Arnold
and his folks ever stayed

in such an expensive place?

Well, I wouldn't know.

I hope you're not planning
on bragging to Arnold

when you get back.

I'm not gonna brag.

I'm just gonna tell him.

Some place, huh?

Y'all been in the bathroom yet?

Goober!

They got water glasses
covered with cellophane

a shoeshine rag,
even a shower cap.

It would be the first time
I ever wore one.

Hello? Could you get me
the lobby, please?

Could you give me the time?

Thanks.

It's free.

Look, wallpaper on the walls.

Nice-lookin' pictures.

Hey! Don't forget
to take some towels!

Goober!

Emmett ain't gonna
believe we stayed

if we don't have the evidence.

Emmett don't believe nothin'.

Would you put that
on the top shelf

of the closet for me, please?

Yes, ma'am.

Look at that.

My coat...

Oh...

Oh...

Aunt bee, can you sew that?

Oh, I don't think
I could mend that...

At least, not without showing.

Maybe the hotel has a service.

I can't go to no auto show

looking like this.

I brought an extra suit.

You can wear that.

Well...

What do you think?

That looks good!

It looks better on you
than it does on me.

It's kind of skimpy looking.

Skimpy looking?

I'm not knockin' your suit,

but you got to admit,
compared to mine

it ain't got no
shoulders or lapels

and this tie...

Well, that tie was bought
to match the suit!

This tie?
Yes!

You think it looks
all right, then?

Well, certainly!

Well...hey, I
almost forgot.

What?

Phone number.

A friend of mine
lives here in Raleigh.

Thought I might call him
and get together.

Did I ever tell you
about Roy Swanson?

No. Old army buddy?

No. We went to automobile
trade school together

years ago.

Yeah, when we got out of school

we worked at the same gas
station right here in Raleigh.

Is that right?

Ain't seen him since then

but I found his number
in the book.

It's nice to renew
old friendships.

It'll be interesting
to see if he ever got any place.

He got fired from that
station we was working.

One of them fellers
is more talk than action...

Kind of a bragger, you know?

I know the type.

Yeah, always talking like he
was gonna end up a big success,

and I wasn't gonna end up
no place.

I'm anxious to see his eyes
pop out when he finds out

I own my own station.

Is that why you're calling him?

Well, maybe a teensy part of it.

You go and make your call

and I'll see if Opie
and aunt bee are ready.

Okay.

Uh, could you get me kl

Hello

you'll never guess who.

No...no...no.

Goober pyle!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

I come into town
to see the auto show.

Thought I might pick up some
wheels if I see anything I like.

Yeah, yeah, I got a private room
at the commodore hotel.

dollars a day.

What?
You going to the show, too?

Great, great!

Yeah, yeah! I'll meet you there
in an hour.

What? Oh, I can't complain,

'cept the kind of taxes you have
to pay when you hit my bracket.

You know how it is.

It ain't all peaches and cream
when you hit the top.

I'll see you there tonight,
buddy. Bye!

Well, did you make
your phone call?

Yeah, same old Roy...
Brag, brag, brag.

Well...

Yeah.

Whew!

Boy, that's something,
that's really something.

It's awfully low, isn't it?

It's a sports car, aunt bee.

Hello, hello, hello.

You like it, folks?

Yes. It's very pretty.

Well, get in.

Try it on for size.

Eh, no, thank you, no.

We're just browsing,
you might say.

Can I get in, mister?

Certainly. You'll be ready
for one of these yourself

one of these days.

Never too soon

to start closing a sale.

Vroom! Vroom!

Aunt bee, I can touch the pedals
real easy on this one.

Vroom! Vroom!

Oh! Opie! Look
what you've done.

Release the lever,
release the lever.

I'm terribly sorry.

That's quite all right.

Please don't apologize.

No, really.
I'm terribly sorry.

Isn't this a lovely car?

I found a nice, small
American car upstairs

if you'd like to look at it.

Oh, fine.

Goober, did you meet up
with your friend?

He hasn't shown up yet.

I'm gonna wait up for him
here in the lobby.

We'll meet you down
here in a few minutes.

Come on.

Goober!

Roy!

Ha-ha!

Roy, Roy, Roy,

Roy, Roy, Roy.

Well, how are ya?

I'm fine, goob, just fine!

Why, you-you've hardly changed!

Well, you're looking
pretty good yourself!

Look at that.

It's nice to see you, goob,

and I'm glad to see you're
looking so prosperous.

Looks like you're
doing real well.

Just lucky, I guess.

Of course, glad it all come
while I'm still young

so I can enjoy it.

How about yourself, Roy?

I'm with amalgamated motors.

That's a big outfit.

What they got you doin'
over there?

I'm in charge of engineering!

In charge of engineering?

I'm a senior vice president!

Senior vice president
of amalgamated motors.

Right.

Well, it sounds like

you've really moved up
in the world.

Oh, it's nothing.

Say, goob, you haven't told
me yet what you're doing.

Well, uh...

I didn't get a chance
to eat lunch.

Why don't we grab
a sandwich over here?

Sandwich, hot dog, what?

Well...hot dog.

Two hot dogs, two root beers.

Hey, you know what hot dogs
always remind me of?

Ernie Lewis,
back in trade school!

He used to eat 'em
every day for lunch!

I ran into him about a year ago.

Poor Ernie.

What's the matter with him?

Oh, nothing,
but he never made it.

He owns a little gas station
some place.

Pumps a couple hundred gallons
a day, works on cars.

Still one of these fellas

with grease under his
fingernails.

Hey, goober,
you haven't told me yet

what you got going for you.

Well, I'm kinda in
the same line as Ernie.

Oh, uh...

Exceptin' I got

a whole chain of gas stations...

Up and down the seaboard.

Hey, that sounds great!

Where's the main office?

Mayberry.

Mayberry? That little
town you were born in?

Yeah. I keep my main
office there...

For sentimental reasons.

Goob...that is sweet!

Dollar-ten.

Hey, I-I got it.

Nonsense.

I can afford it!

Of course you can.

Can't I buy an old friend
a hot dog?

I just didn't want you thinking

I couldn't buy y one.

Oh, goober!

These are my friends...

Uh, miss bee Taylor...

How do you do?

Opie, Andy Taylor.

Roy Swanson.

Hi.

Well, goober tells us
you and he are old friends.

We went
to the same trade school.

Worked in the same
little gas station.

We even liked the same
girl, ruthie Matthews,

except I think she liked
me more than she did you.

You remember ruthie?

Yeah. I married her.

I know she'd love to see you,

but she's away

visiting her folks
for the weekend.

Boy, they sure do have
some fine cars around here.

Oh, yeah.

You know, I just got an idea.

Goober, why don't you
and these nice friends of yours

join me for dinner tonight?

Be my guests.

You're all gonna be m guests.

Oh, now, goober...

And you know where we're going?

The golden palace.

Goober, that's the finest
restaurant in Raleigh.

You think I don't know that?

If you insist.

I want to hear more

about this chain of
gas stations of yours.

Well, I gotta run.

See ya at the golden
palace at : .

See y'all later.

One gas station is a chain?

Every chain's got to start
with its first link,

don't it?

Well...

Andy, how much is this dinner

going to cost goober tonight?

Well, no more than a week's pay,

if he's lucky.

Oh, I think you should
talk him out of it.

I tried three times,
but his mind's made up.

You know, I've never seen goober

so determined
to impress somebody.

That's all he's doing...

Trying to impress this Roy.

I know.

I think I know
what his problem is.

He and Roy

were always kind of
sort of rivals, you know,

and I think Roy
probably always won out.

Yes.
Certainly seems that way.

Well, it's hard to start off
with somebody like that

and then have them
get way ahead of you.

I hope goober
can carry it off tonight.

Well, I'm certainly
not gonna say anything

to make goober look bad.

No, and I'm not
gonna say anything

to make him look bad.

Well, all we have to
worry about is goober.

Well, just about time to go.

Opie!

I'm all ready, paw.

No, no, no.

You got to keep your coat
buttoned at all times.

This is a very special place.

Now, the menu may be in French

so if you don't
understand anything...

I'll ask you.

Don't ask me.
Order a small steak.

Oh, okay.

And don't ask for a milkshake,

because they don't serve them.

I thought you said it
was a fancy place. It is.

Have you seen goober?

Yeah. I passed his room
a couple of minutes ago,

and he was in there holding
hands with some lady.

Well, ouch!
Take it easy!

Oh...

Goob?

Oh, hey, Andy.

You're getting a manicure.

Yeah, I thought I could use one.

Hey, that hurts, now!

I know it does.
I'm sorry.

A manicure like this

should be done with novocain.

Goob, you promised Roy
you'd meet him at : .

How long do you think
this might take?

I could work way into the night.

Well, they look pretty good now.

Uh, how much I owe you, miss?

You couldn't pay me what
it's worth. Forget it.

I ought to give you something.

I'll tell you how
you can pay me.

Next time, go to
another hotel, okay?

Well, uh,
I thought I...Could...

Well, they sure get snippy
in these big cities.

Uh, hey, goob?

Aunt bee and I
were just talking.

Wouldn't you like to go
to dinner with Roy

by yourself?

I mean, we hardly know the man,

and it doesn't seem fair
for you to have to pay

for fancy dinners
for five people.

A man who owns
his own gas station

can afford to treat his friends.

You want Opie and aunt bee
to think I'm bluffing?

They wouldn't think
a thing like that

and you shouldn't be concerned
over what people think, anyway.

Besides, if they're good friends

like Opie and aunt bee and me.

Well...you don't have to come
if you don't want to.

No, we want to come.

It's just we're trying
to save you some money.

This could cost you.

I know, but it's okay.

Well, uh...

You want to go Dutch?

No!

I don't mean like that.

I mean, at the restaurant
you go ahead and pay

and when we get back here
at the hotel

and we're relaxed
and everything,

we could settle up
everything between us.

That sounds fair,

as long as we don't
argue over who ate what.

You know that can
be so embarrassing

in front of a waiter.

Yeah, I know.
Just straight.

You talked me into it.
Dutch it is.

Okay.

What I recommended

was that we change
the transmission

according to my specifications,

with not only an $
saving per car,

but also more
efficient performance.

Well, they adopted
my suggestion,

and that's about when they
made me a vice president.

Sure sounds like
an important suggestion.

Well, I hope they
gave you a big raise.

You certainly deserved it.

Well, as a matter of fact,
they were very generous.

I done a lot of work
on transmissions myself

at one time, that is.

Of course, I don't
do it much anymore.

Kind of ruins my nails.

Hey, paw?

That's the way they serve it.

Well, who would order
a thing like that...

A fire eater, maybe.

By the way, Roy,

I took the Liberty
of ordering champagne.

I hope you like it.

I'm sure I will, goob.

Uh, it's from New York state.

It's called "silver ribbon"...
Their best.

Your wine, monsieur.

Uh, I ordered champagne.

Champagne is, uh,
wine, monsieur.

Oh, yeah.

Is that all I get?

Well, it's just a sample

for your approval, monsieur.

Oh.

Hey, that's great.

We'll all have some,
except Opie.

Opie, how about
a chocolate soda?

Well, maybe I'll just have milk.

It's very nice.

Oh, it's nothing.

Only excuse I need
for having champagne

is to get together with friends.

I didn't know
they serve champagne

at the diner.

There are a lot of things
you don't know.

Well, should we order?

Well, I know
what I want... lobster.

How about you, Roy?

Uh, anything you want.
Price ain't no object.

Well, um...

Roast beef will be fine for me.

I'll have a big steak.

I'll have a small steak.

Goober, you haven't told me

about this chain of
gas stations you have.

Oh, it would probably take too
long to tell you about it now.

Big business, you know.

Goober's been doing so well.

I thought you just had one.

I didn't know you had a chain.

Congratulations.

Well, yeah.

Goober's got these big
plans for expansion.

Yes, we were just talking
about them only yesterday.

Oh, you mean the bike repairs.

Goober's handling bike repairs.

He says I can have
all the business on Saturdays.

Bike repairs.

Isn't that interesting?

Good champagne.

To your bike repair operation.

Morning, goob.

Morning.

Did you sleep okay?

Yeah, I reckon.

Good, good.

Well, you ready to hit the road?

Yeah.

Okay.

That Roy is quite
a guy, ain't he, Andy?

Oh...he's okay.

He's a big man.

I guess you caught on

I was trying to make myself out

a big man, too, only
I didn't do so good.

Aw, now, goob, you're
just being oversensitive.

I never would have believed
Roy could climb so high.

Still, there he is, on top.

Well, you're not doing
so bad yourself.

Yeah, me and my
two-pump station.

I guess Roy always was
smarter than me.

Aw, now, goob...

I never intended
to put on a show

like that in the beginning,
but then when I saw

how far Roy had got,
and all I got

is one little ol'
dinky gas station,

well...i just had
to put on a little bit.

Well, I know a lot of guys

that would love
to change places with you.

Roy ain't one of them.

Well, goob, I remember...

I remember
when all you wanted to be

was a first-class mechanic,

and you wound up owning
the whole entire station.

Now, that's not bad.

If you say so.

Well, listen,

I'm going to go help aunt bee
and Opie finish packing,

and we'll meet you
down in the car, okay?

All right, now.

I don't want to have
to stop along the road.

Hi. Would you fill her up
with high test, please?

Well.

Boy, they sure don't give

service with a smile around here

the way you do, goober.

Well, this station
wouldn't last a week

in Mayberry with that attitude.

They certainly could take

a few lessons from you, goober.

Yeah.

That's right, goob.

Well, anybody want
a bottle of pop?

No, thanks.
No, thank you.

Goob?

Psst! Hey, goober.

Goober!
Yeah?

Come here.

I'm not thirsty, Andy.

Come here, come here, come here!

What do you want?

I want to show you something.

Want to say hello
to an old friend?

No.

No, that might embarrass him.

I wouldn't want to do that.

Goob, I wouldn't worry anymore

about trying to be a big man.

Why not?

You made it.

Siren.

Oh.
Back to work, I see.

Yeah, I've been working
on Howard's car all day.

Yeah, he told me

he was having trouble
with his carburetor.

Yeah, it's all clogged up.

I had to take it down, clean it,
and then reassemble it.

Working okay now?

Perfect.

How do they look?

Well, they look good,

but you said you was
working on a carburetor.

I wore gloves.

Gloves?
Yeah.

Chances are I won't get to have
another manicure like that again

for another four or five years.

I don't want to blow it
all on one carburetor job.

Huh?