03x09 - All the Bells Say

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Succession". Aired: June 2018 to present.
Follows the saga of a dysfunctional American Media Family.
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03x09 - All the Bells Say

Post by bunniefuu »

LOGAN ROY: Mog was tired.

She was d*ad tired.

Her head was d*ad tired.

Her paws were d*ad tired.

Even her tail was d*ad tired.

Mog thought, "I wanna sleep forever".

And so she did.

Isn't this a bit young for you?


Sometimes he still likes it.

Sometimes I still like it.

Are you all right, son?

Your dad was okay, you know?

- Yeah.
- He was okay.



Kerry, can you get me a book?
Uh... Something with some action?



Careful now.

Talk to me.


LOGAN: Gerri!

- Where are you, Gerri?

That was actually a perfect roll.

Yeah, Gerri!

You jump on that grenade for us.
Thanks, pal.


No. It doesn't seem right.
I don't want Tennessee Avenue.

ROMAN ROY: My turn, then.

Please be caught.

(CLICKS TONGUE) And once again,
I'm on your shit.

- Ooh, that'll be me.
- ROMAN: Hmm.


You know, I know what you tried
to do with Dad.

What? Uh... I thought that...

would've kinda been your dream, Rome,

me f*cking Gerri with your d*ck.

Come on, d*ck pickler. Pay up.


ROMAN: Seven, hey, that was perfect.

- Hey. Get-out-of-jail-free card.
- SHIV ROY: Hmm.

Another one.

CONNOR ROY: You wanna sell that?

ROMAN: Oh, waitress service. Okay.

I shall have a Cuba Libre
and a club sandwich, please.

Oh, okay. Well, let me,
uh, grab a couple of kid's menus

and I'll be right back.

ROMAN: Okay.

The service here is weird and slow...

and f*cking my dad.

You still into this, Will?

You wanna take a turn
around the gardens?

Mm... No, I'm good.

ROMAN: Oh, come on, Willa! Marry him.

He's probably got, like,
ten years left in him

and then it's all gravy.

CONNOR: I do not wish my private affairs

to become the subject
of table chat, okay?

Okay, I have to go. Can I give
my properties to Shiv?

- CONNOR: No. No!

- TOM: Why?
- You have to auction them. The f*ck are you going?

Okay, uh, the silly Forbes
profile piece.

I'm turning ATN Citizens
into a cash machine

and they wanna know how I did it.

Well, by turning on
the bigot spigot to full gush.

Well "bigot spigot" is a little
reductive and unfair,

but anyway, goodbye.

- Bye, Tom.
- TOM: Bye-bye.

- Um... Shiv...
- GREG: Talk about me!

TOM: Will do.

- Shiv.
- SHIV: What?

I think you might have, um,
accidentally been cheating.

- SHIV: What? I was only stealing so I could win.

CONNOR: Yeah, cheating's part of it.

ROMAN: Oh, look... Shiv, do you think

that stealing is what good people do?

Stealing? Cheating at Monopoly?

- Come on. Hmm.
- SHIV: Oh, come on.

Okay, well, he's here. Be nice.

Yes, I will be nice to Kurt Cobain

of the f*cking floaties.

- GREG: Hi.

He's just coming. Uh...

(INHALES) He needs a minute.

We, uh... We appreciate what you did.

It was nothing.

ROMAN: Sure.

But, hey, you know,

if you find him in the pool again,

there's a C-note in it for you

to just let him sink, okay?

"Too soon", said the room.

He's basically fine, they just
kept him overnight to...

I don't know why, actually,

'cause I don't speak Italian, but...

no media pick-up,



Good. Good.


- ROMAN: Jesus.
- Hey, buddy.

- Hey.
- Kenny.

- Hey!
- What's up, Ken?

- Hey.

- GREG: Hey.
- CONNOR: You okay, brother?


Let's... Let's just not make
a whole song and dance, okay?

Well, I think we will
make a song and dance.

- You nearly drowned, Ken.
- SHIV: Oh.

No, he just fell off an air bed.

- He's fine.
- One too many limoncellos.

- No biggie.
- CONNOR: Yeah?

Okay. I'm just gonna
grab my kids, I guess, uh...

Uh... They can stay here,
I'm sure, tonight,

if it's easier.

- I'm not leaving them with him.
- ROMAN: All right, then.

I guess we'll see you
at the royal wedding then.


I might need to get home.

I'm talking to new lawyers.

New lawyers? Like, new new lawyers?

Yeah. Well, I can't really say,
but, yeah,

just so you know, uh,

we're... Yeah, we're discussing
putting everything,

like all the papers
and all my communications

for the last five years, up on my Insta.

SHIV: On Insta?

- Ken.

And, uh, Comfrey,

Vanity Fair might be doing
a big thing with me.

- The whole thing, so...
- COMFREY: Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I don't know, whatever.
I'm ready to...

I'm just... I'm ready
to really get into it all.

But, uh...

(INHALES) Yeah, thanks for...

Thanks. Okay, kids, let's go!

(SCREAMS) Let's go!

SHIV: They're coming.

GREG: All right, man.

- CONNOR: Later.
- GREG: Yeah.

He... (DRAWS WORD OUT) ... seems good?

ROMAN: Oh, man.

We have been talking to...
to Vanity Fair,

but it's... it's mostly us calling them.

ROMAN: Hey, Dad! You good? We good?

Uh... Do you want me on that call?

- No.
- ROMAN: Okay.

Go on, Karl. What?

DOJ is gonna likely h*t us
with an historic fine.

GoJo's market cap has overtaken ours.


Okay, yeah, but that... that was
already happening, so...

GoJo's board may be considering
entertaining other options.

- SHIV: What... What?
- Yeah.

What the f*ck? Okay, well,
is he gonna pull the plug?

Or is GoJo... Rome, do you know?

He swallowed the merger,

but I don't know how much
more he can f*cking eat.

Okay, don't get all sweaty, Betty.

I'm gonna figure it out, and
I'll drop you an email, okay?

- SHIV: Thanks.
- LOGAN: I'm gonna see Matsson,

get inside this.

Do you want me to come with you, Dad?

No. Stay here and play with your d*ck.

Uh... I can come with you, Dad.

- It's not a...
- Oh, no, no, no. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

(CHUCKLES) No, come on, Tumbledown.

He's your pal.

Let's go see Hans Christian f*ck

and see if he's been telling us
f*cking fairy tales.




You okay?

Good-looking woman, huh?



So, what is it, son?

Are you scared of p*ssy?

Is it all screens or up the ass
with you or what?

Jesus, no, God, Dad, can we not...


It's... That was just
being horrible, it's good.

- It's all good.
- Yeah. Well, it's just f*cking.

If you need to get straightened out,

get straightened out.

- Okay?
- Yeah.


I don't wanna know.




finally meet you in person, sir.

LOGAN: Likewise.

Thank you for coming.

LOGAN: Not at all.

So, what do you think?

Are we doing this f*cking merger or not?

Wow. Just, uh, straight in there, huh?

LOGAN: Oh, yeah, well,
you know, I'm old.

(CHUCKLES) What do you want?

A bit of, "Oh, what a
nice house you got here".

No, I like it. I get bored easily.

LOGAN: Yeah,
everything is boring, isn't it?

Yeah, everything
is pretty f*cking boring.

Except this.

- Yeah, you got me interested.
- LOGAN: How interested?

Look, I don't wanna f*ck
around forever with this.

I mean, I've seen how your price is,

and I understand that your board
is looking at all the options,

but if we stay tight,

this can work.


shall we dance or what?

- Do you wanna sit down? Yeah.
- LOGAN: Uh... Sure.


Uh, Zuckerberg once...

- Do you know Mark, by the way?
- Uh-huh.

Well, he once told me that, um,

in ancient Rome, at one point,

they wanted to make
all the slaves wear something

so they could identify them.

- Uh-huh.
- It's just up here.

Um... Like a... What do
you call these things?

Like a cloak or whatever.

But then they decided not to do it.

- And do you know why?
- LOGAN: Hmm?

Because they realized if all
the slaves dressed the same,

they would see
how many of them there were,

and they'd rise up
and k*ll their masters.

Yeah, we don't, we don't love Mark.

So what? Does he have a kid in Malaysia

reading history for him now?

(CHUCKLES) I don't know.

But the point is,
if... if we wanna survive,

you and I, then...

we need a hell of a lot of little folks

running around sh1tting us data,

you know, for the eyeballs,
for the revenue, for the scale.

No offense, but I don't think
you have the technology

or the orientation to get there.

And you don't have the content.

Well, maybe not, but...

we're flying like a f*cking rocket ship,

and you're sinking like a lead balloon.

What's your churn like?

Yeah, we hear you have problems
with binge and burn.

We got the good stuff.

Sure, sure, some of your content
is pretty cool, I guess, but...

business-wise, it's time
for you to beef up or sell out.

A... And you can't become a tech player

because you and your business
are just too f*cking old.

Whoa, he is in great shape.
You know who he's f*cking?

I don't wanna be rude
because you're a legend.

Honestly, you're... f*cking bulletproof.

t*nk man.

So, you want me to come in your sauna

and tell you what a
pretty pecker you got?

I'm just really excited
about the future.

So am I.

Yeah, but...

are you? Really?

Well, that's something
you say, isn't it? (CHUCKLES)

No, but I am excited.




I don't know. (INHALES DEEPLY)

When I arrived, there
were these gentle giants

smelling of f*cking gold and milk.

They could do anything.

Now look at them.

Fat as f*ck,

scrawny on meth or yoga.

They pissed it all away.

I don't know.

I don't know.


Go on. Talk to me.

Well, I think we fit.

Your company and mine.

(INHALES SHARPLY) But, you know,

the street loves us. We're...

We're a strong buy.

We're up and we're staying there.

And you, you have this, uh...

this fine and all this other bullshit.

You're hurt...

or maybe you're tired.

So, I make sense
as the person to take over.

Now, if... if that's an option, if
that's something you would consider,

then let's talk.

But if you wanna tell me
to go f*ck myself,

tell me to go f*ck myself.

You're not f*cking serious.

LUKAS: I would make
everything nice for you.

I could pay you out, or if you want

control inside or outside
of the assets you love,

that's cool.

I would want you to maintain prestige.

I'm not about making you small.

But you'd rule the roost.

It would be your board.

But I would structure it...

so f*cking nice for you.

I notice you're not
punching me in the nose.

- ROMAN: Dad?
- LOGAN: Ah, it's okay, son.

- I don't know.
- LUKAS: What are you thinking?

(HESITATES) I'm not telling you
what I'm f*cking thinking.

LUKAS: Well, I know
what you're f*cking thinking.

You're thinking every bit
of me wants to tell this...

slab of gravlax

to go f*ck himself,

except for the bit that knows
that every word he says is true.

I don't know, I'm not
sure I can swallow this.

If this is a family thing, I get it.

I... I... appreciate the anxiety.

And in terms of your son,

he would be essential to
the integration process.

One hundred percent crucial.

Key element, the face of the family.

As for the rest, your top team,

I... I'd be happy to assess each
according to their abilities.

This is not happening.



No, I see that. Understood.

It was worth asking, huh?

But listen, do you wanna...

Do you wanna stick around for a bit?

We can see if the old deal has a shape,

side snacks, maybe.

You have that Israeli AI operation

I might be interested in.

An asset swap sort of thing.

- Why not?
- LUKAS: Cool.

Roman. Uh... You'd better get back.

You know, your mom and all
her brouhaha for tomorrow.

All right, yeah, sure thing, sure thing.

Don't wanna miss the old nuptials.

Wait, but yeah? You want...

Well, yeah, my mom's getting
remarried to a bowl of porridge

and it's all terribly moving,
so I should probably...

But thank you.

- See you over there, Pop.
- LOGAN: Mm.


Excuse me for one second.



- SHIV: Hey! So?
- ROMAN: Hey.

So? How was the Monopoly?

Did you have to pay some
income tax for the novelty value?

- Merger of equals?
- Merger of equals?

SHIV: Well, is it happening
or not? Rome?

Um... I was not alerted

to this merger of equals possibility.

Mattson wants to De-platform
guys like me,

round up the maverick thinkers
into his digital gulag.

Um... If you don't mind,

I'm a little bit churned up
about my big brother,

so I can't really think about
that shit right now.

Talk about it later.

- Hey.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- So, what is this?
- Just take a seat.

CONNOR: Come on.

(SCOFFS) Okay.


we just wanted to get together

to let you know that we love you.

(SCOFFS) What?

- SHIV: Right?
- I love you straight up.

I mean, I... suppose
I don't want you to die, so...


What is this? What's the angle?

CONNOR: No angle.

We're worried that you...

consciously or subconsciously
tried to... (CLICKS TONGUE)

Are you trying to shut me down?

Um... You kind of tried
to k*ll yourself, dude,

and that's not cool.

- I fell off an inflatable.
- ROMAN: Okay.

Is this an intervention?

Why do you get to do
an intervention on me?


Well, you need an intervention.

You need an intervention,
you need an intervention.

Yeah, totally, yeah, yeah,

but you're kind of the top
of the pile right now.

We'll do me tomorrow. Yeah?

Yeah, suicides jump the line.

- I fell off my f*cking floatie.
- SHIV: You're an addict.

You're addicted to booze and to dr*gs

and relationships and sex
and work and the family drama.

No, sorry, no, I mean,
look... look who's f*cking here.

I... I... I don't see it.

You, you don't have any standing.

So, listen, you guys can take
this little committee

of public f*cking safety and f*ck off.

You need to stop trying to k*ll Pop.

Okay? You're selfish,

- you're self-centered...
- Connor, can... Just...

- CONNOR: What?
- Just...

I'm not allowed to say my piece?

- ROMAN: No, you can, just...
- No, it's...

Let me lead, yeah?

KENDALL: Okay. Okay, look.

I hear you.


But I just... I... I feel...


everything I've done...

has been with good intentions,

and I... I do think
this is actually about...

all of you and your shit more than me.

It... It sounds like
I'm... I'm... I'm...

being defensive, but I'm not.

I'm... I'm... I'm saying
I'm hearing you.


But it's like, do you have any idea...

how it feels...

as the eldest son

to be...

you know, promised something and then...

you know...

- just have it taken?
- Yeah.

- Sure, man.
- I'm the eldest son.

What was that?

I am the eldest son.

Well, yeah, obviously, Con,
but you know what he means.

(SHOUTS) I am the eldest son!

And no one told me about this
f*cking merger of f*cking equals.

And what if I wanna take over?

- Because I am the eldest son!
- ROMAN: All right.

Eas... Easy, Con.

- SHIV: Let's... Okay. Okay.
- I'm the eldest son! I'm the eldest son!

And I must be considered,

and I need to be taken into account.

Con, we're... we're talking about...

- what I actually lost.
- CONNOR: Shut up.

What, you're hurt?

I didn't see Pop for three years,

but your spoon wasn't shiny enough,


Well, it is not all about you.

- I thought you loved me.
- CONNOR: assh*le!

I do love you. I love
all three of you pricks,

but what do I get from you
chumps but chump change?

f*cking chump change. Well, f*ck you.

I'm here for your mom's wedding,
and I proposed to my fiancée.

And no one...

has said congratulations.

No one.

But I am...

the eldest son of our father.

I am.

I am.


ROMAN: He is him.

CONNOR: f*ck off!


No, no, it's the other one.

It's coming, it's coming for you.

- You okay, Con?
- CONNOR: Yeah, yeah.

Just a little tired.

Sorry about the tossing and turning,

I just couldn't get
the AC right, you know?

The AC. Yeah. Sure.

Plus, my family hates me.

I'm gonna lose ATN to a g*dd*mn Swede,

so my campaign is f*cked,
and you're gonna leave me.

And I love you.

So, yeah.

Yeah, that and the AC.

Come on!

- Con?
- What?

You're a nice man.

Right. Thanks.

You know what?

f*ck it.

- f*ck it?
- WILLA: f*ck it.

As... As in?

f*ck it!

Come on. How bad can it be? Right?

- Really?
- Yeah, why not?

You know, we'll have fun.

f*ck it, right?

Right? (GIGGLES)

- Hell yeah.

f*ck it!


- ASSISTANT: That's your car.


- CONNOR: f*ck it, huh?
- WILLA: f*ck it!

(SHOUTS) f*ck it forever!





- Hi.
- KERRY CASTELLABATE: Hi, Karl. How you doing?

How's the Wi-Fi?

Uh... I sacrificed a few goats,
so it seems to be working.

Great. Rural Tuscany, real business hub.

How are his spirits?

Like his, uh... How's his blood sugar?

Yeah. He's amazing, as always.

Oh, yeah, of course.
Powerhouse. Remarkable.


SHIV: Have you seen Dad?

- ROMAN: Hmm?
- SHIV: Is he coming?

SHIV: Is Dad coming, Rome? Do you know?

- Is the deal good?
- Yeah. All will be revealed.

- All will be revealed.

(CHUCKLES) The f*ck does that mean?

Who made you the Wizard of f*ck?


SHIV: You don't know jack shit, do you?

Do you not think
one last check with Mom?

Rome, we're about to go in.

Right. It's just... I don't know
if he's, you know, a hernia.

- SHIV: Hey, Peter.
- ROMAN: Hi.

- SHIV: Yeah.
- ROMAN: Good luck.

SHIV: You're not sure if he's the one?

I'm worried about the prenup, okay?

She has a prenup.

- She had her... Yes!
- She does?

She had her lawyer look at it
because she wants to keep the...

the London flat that Dad gave her.

ROMAN: Well, what if he poisons her?

What if he pushes her down the stairs

to get this flat he so desires?

Oh, yeah. And what if, worse,

he f*ck her with his d*ck?

f*ck her so good that she dies?

ROMAN: How you doing, children?

- GREG: Oh... Oh, Tom.
- TOM: Hey, Greg.

Do you mind chatting with Comfrey?

I wanna check in on the princess.

TOM: "The princess" now?
I thought she was a contessa.

Yeah, but I guess through her dad,

she's, like, eighth in line for
the throne of Luxembourg?

Eighth in line?

Greg, you marry her,
you're a plane crash away

from becoming Europe's weirdest king!

Don't be silly.

Dude, you off a couple of hemophiliacs

and you'll be the king of Luxembourg.

You'd sound like a fancy cookie.

It's actually a Grand Duchy.


It's something to do
with the Congress of Vienna.

It's, I guess, really complicated.

She doesn't like to talk about it,

although we do talk
about it quite a bit.


Oh, see. Now?

- Roman!
- Get in there, Greg.

If Roman marries her,
he'll inv*de France.


Hold on.

Yeah, yeah.

- I'll send your regrets.
- Hmm.


Kerry, I won't eat down there,

I will take my omelet
in my room, on my return.

- Of course. I'll let them know.
- Thank you.

Sorry. Sorry.

I didn't delay things, did I?

PETER MUNION: No worries, Kendall.

- We're just missing a couple of people, actually.
- Good of you to come.

- PETER: You don't know where, um...
- KENDALL: Sorry.

- You don't know where, uh...
- Peter, I think you'd better face it

that Logan is not gonna make it.

You might have to just
make do with me. Sorry.

- How about that?


- Can you bear it?
- Of course.



- Hey.
- Hmm?

- Rome.
- Yeah?

- I have an idea.
- Mm-hmm?

When they come past, you should
tell Mom that you love her.

Yeah, f*ck off.

No, how romantic would it be?

Imagine that, if you could marry Mommy

- on her wedding day?
- ROMAN: Yeah, yeah.

Or tell them a reason
that they can't be married.

Because she's the only one

who makes her son's
pee-pee go boom boom.


OFFICIANT: Welcome family,
friends, and loved ones.

We are gathered here today
in the face of this company

for the wedding
of Peter Timothy Munga Munion

and Caroline Alexandra Helena
St. John Collingwood.

- Oh, she's really feeling it, huh?

- I love weddings.
- Me, too.

OFFICIANT: ... the formal commitment
they make to one another...


- Jesus, what is she on?
- Yeah.

- f*cking k*ll me now.



SHIV: Okay. Uh... Hi.

Uh... My mom has... (CHUCKLES)

... has asked me to say a few words.

Just a second.

And the first words
that came to mind were, uh,

"Shit". "No". "What?" "Bitch".


And, uh...

other words like "totally"
and "unprepared".

- SHIV: Right.

So, what can I say about my mom?

(CHUCKLES) Well...

she's been a constant in my life.

Constant pain in the...


- But I love her anyway...

... which I guess is testament to...

what a remarkable and...

... complicated and interesting
person that she is.

And I have no doubt, Peter,
that you will never be bored

in the brief time that you're married.


But in all seriousness,
there's no one like my mom.

And you're a lucky guy.

And I am jealous of the time
that you get to spend with her.

I hope that your marriage

is as rich and happy, rewarding,
and fulfilling as mine.

So, here's to, uh, the bride and groom.

- The bride and groom!
- GUESTS: The bride and groom!


SHIV: Do you think, uh...

Do you think she knows something?

- ROMAN: Mm.
- SHIV: I mean...

what if it's all fallen apart?

Yeah? Dad's back,

- so why isn't he here?
- ROMAN: Oh, relax.

It's, uh... It's cool beans.

Cool beans?

Since when do you say "cool beans"?

You don't have a f*cking clue, do you?

- ROMAN: Hmm. Hmm.
- Hey, hey, hey.

- Hey.
- ROMAN: Hi.

Hey, uh, listen, I think we should, uh,

- say sorry for...
- CONNOR: No, doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter.

- Forget about it.
- ROMAN: Mm-hmm. Forgotten.

- CONNOR: Okay.
- SHIV: Yeah.

So, guess who's gonna get married

to the greatest gal
in the world. (LAUGHS)

- ROMAN: No.
- Oh. She said yes?

Wow, you finally ground her down, huh?

Congrats, man.

Yeah. And, um, also,
Willa's been talking to Kerry.

Yeah. She know where Dad is?

Uh-uh, she's sandbagging,
but do you know what this is?

That is another dried penis

from one of the great men
of history, correct?

No. Maca root.

For Dad's smoothie.

SHIV: Mm-hmm?

Why is Kerry sandbagging?

He's working on his baby batter.

- What's that?
- Maca root. Almond butter.

Dad's putting together

a more adhesive and potent gloop.

Working on his f*cking...

- his jism? Are you...
- CONNOR: Yes!

- Are you f*cking with me right now?

- SHIV: What?
- Look at all the walnuts he's been munching.

He's gonna be rocking sperms
like a little catfish.

- Oh, my f*ck.

- Dad's scrambling the fighters.
- CONNOR: Yeah.

- With Maca root.
- No. f*cking... Come on.

Not good. No, you don't
tangle with the root

unless you're f*ring up
the siege engines.

- ROMAN: Uh.
- Jesus.

- I feel ill.
- CONNOR: Do you?

I guess he really doesn't
rate you guys, huh?

- Thanks.
- CONNOR: Anyway,

- thought I'd tell ya.
- Thank you. Appreciate it.

Okay. Well, we need a plan
to k*ll this baby.

SHIV: Uh... Yeah.

Wow. Finally, you found
a worthy adversary.

Hey. What's going on?

Uh... Nothing.

Just Dad cranking up the trebuchet.

- TOM: What?
- Trying for a baby.

- What?
- Mm.

Maybe that's what he's doing right now.

ROMAN: Yeah. Maybe.

He's in the spawn chamber,

issuing his hell seed.
Sure. I could see it.

Well, maybe we should
get cracking? Space race?

What? You two?

- Should we say?
- No, no, no, no, no.

- I know for a fact...
- SHIV: Babe, stop.

... that she cannot get pregnant.
Because if she could,

she would have...
That would've happened by now.

She has had a lot of sex
with a lot of men.

We may be freezing.

- Oh, you may be freezing?
- Yeah.

Oh, okay. Yeah.

You know why she's
making you wait, right?

She's gonna make you carry it.

- TOM: Uh-huh. Very funny.
- Yeah.

You're gonna have to poop out
your own baby

and then squeeze your little Tommy tits

for man milk.

- (LAUGHS) Okay. Thank you very...

I just heard that Larry Vansitart's PJ

landed at La Dante

and that he's headed to Lake Maggiore.

- SHIV: What?
- Yeah.

SHIV: Larry Vansitart?

With Matsson? That means financing.

Why would Matsson...

Yeah. Why would Matsson need
financing for an all-stock deal?

I'm trying to get a fix.

And Greg has been contacted
by some assistants.

- Greg has?
- TOM: Greg.

Yeah. So let's split up and pool, okay?

- Okay. All right.
- Rome?

- ROMAN: Yeah?
- You're supposed to be inside track on this.

This could be any number
of things. I think it's fine.

I'm gonna h*t Kerry. Could you,
um, talk to Marcia, maybe?

Yeah. Sure. I'll scale the...

north face of the f*cking Eiger.

Jesus f*ck.

I mean, I guess I tried to feel better

by giving a lot of money to...

- environmental charities.
- Oh, yeah?

Which... Or, like, to...

to... Not Greenpeace?

No. Friends of the Earth.

Okay. Oh, yeah, that's a good one.

- Mm-hmm.
- No, I, uh...

I have some beef with Greenpeace.

Uh... Long story, but they're bad.

Yeah. One guy in Greenland
just cashing checks

and eating penguins

and stomping cigarettes out on glaciers.

Feel free to cut him d*ad, by the way.

We are actually having
an interesting talk.

Yeah, I'm sure you are. Um...

He's what's called in our land
an irrelevant pauper,

and you don't need to listen

- to the pauper.

It's not for your royal ears.

- No. No. No. De no.
- ROMAN: No-de-no?

No-de-no, my friend.

- He's widely known, uh...
- I'm widely known?

I think you'd agree, Roman,
that you're s... a self-admitted,


Sorry, I don't know how
you'd say this in your language,

but, uh... but a, uh... uh...

a sexual pervert.

- CONTESSA: You're an...
- GREG: Right?

- ... interesting family.
- ROMAN: Mm-hmm.

Funny guy.

All jokes aside,

uh, I heard that you may have
been getting some tremors

on the assistant loop. This true?

Yeah. Uh...

A call went out on LackeySlack

because there are a number of advisors

in town from LionTree, apparently.

And they don't like the feel of the...

hard Italian pillows?

So... But that's a...
It's a private chat, so...

Yeah, shut up, all right. Thank you.





- Hey. Excuse me. Uh...
- KERRY: Hey.

What did you say to Gerri just now?

Um... Nothing.


And, uh, why are you lying?

Did he tell you to lie?

I have no idea what
you're talking about.


Are you trying to have
a baby with my Dad?

Because that's
an incredibly stupid idea.

- Hey.
- It'll be born old,

attached to a walker.

So, uh, there's a bunch of new
M&A advisors in Chianciano.

And I think Karl and Frank
are in Europe.

Uh... What the f*ck, Rome? What is...

Are we being f*cked?

- ROMAN: Mm-hmm.
- Karl?

Euro ring.

Hey, Karl, how you doing?
Where are you, man?

At the office? In your office?

Great, well, I'll leave you
to get on with your office job,

then, you f*ck.

- Marcia? Anything?
- SHIV: Uh... No.

She's throwing out bullshit.

Did you see Gerri?

- What the f*ck. Before?
- ROMAN: Uh-huh. Yeah.

- This is ugly, Rome.
- Mm-hmm.

- Um... So...
- SHIV: What?

I should probably say,
in terms of the meeting, um,

Matsson did float, ju... as an idea,

that maybe they'd buy us.



And what did Dad say?

(IMITATES LOGAN) f*ck off!

Mm-hmm? But he stuck around?

He stuck around, yeah.

Jesus Christ.

- Why the f*ck didn't you tell me this earlier?
- Yeah.

Hey. Hey, Ken.

Uh... We might need to talk.
Company stuff.

I don't... I'm not interested, Shiv.

Okay. Yeah, sure.

But this is f*cking important, okay?

Five minutes, please.

Just... We need your line
to Frank or Stewy maybe.

Kendall, I wouldn't ask you
if it wasn't important.

Come on.

Hurry the f*ck up!




Okay. Well, Dad is
doing us dirty, right?

Can you not make it a thing
right away, okay?

We actually don't... We don't know yet.

Matsson pitched to Dad the idea

of them eating us,

but I think he was flying a kite.

Dad kind of shut it down.

Okay, he "kind of" shut it down?

Because a moment ago,
he told him to f*ck off!

Okay. Well, I didn't keep
track of the exact number

of expletives he used, Siobhan, okay?

I'm not a f*ck.

Okay, well, look, Larry Vansitart
is in Switzerland with Matsson,

so he's looking for financing.

Dad is huddled with Karl and Frank.

- ROMAN: Mm-hmm?
- Our market caps have tipped.

The local town's been bought out
by a new set of advisors.

(HESITATES) Something has flipped!

Yeah. Yeah. But...

Dad would never sell, would he?

Hey, assh*le, Dad would
never sell, right?

- I don't know.
- SHIV: I mean, would he?

And if he did, would we get...
I don't know, uh...

Would we get f*cking protection?

Can you guys just do this without me?

Yeah? I ca... I... I don't
wanna get into it.

Wait a minute, Ken. (LAUGHS)
I'm sorry. Ken?

Do you have an angle on this?
Are you speaking with Matsson?



Uh... Laird has called me,
so what's that?

- ROMAN: Shit.

Ken? (SIGHS) Can we talk?

Shiv, I'm not here.

Hey, buddy.

Hey. You okay?


There's something really wrong
with me, Shiv. (INHALES)

I don't know what the f*ck
is wrong with me.


Well, it's okay. It's...

KENDALL: I'm... I'm just, uh...

I'm not feeling very connected...

to my children...

or my endeavors right now.

And, uh, I can't get one thing
right with another, you know?



Uh, I'm... I'm...

I don't know what happened.
I tried to do something.

I tr... I... I really... I tried...


ROMAN: I know, man.

- I know, you f*cked it.

f*ck you.

That's what happened, yeah.

KENDALL: I took a sh*t.

(INHALES) But it's like...

- it didn't matter. But...
- It's just business, okay?


we're all f*cked.
Everything just sort of got...

mixed up.

I thought I had an out.
I could see it, I could...

(SIGHS) I could see the way markers

and I thought I could...

Out of all our shit, I thought I...

I thought I could
take us all out if it. I...

I did... I did try.


But... I don't know.

I'm not a good person.

Well, whatever, you're fine.

I'm... I'm bad.


Come on.

Lighten up, glum-glum.

I k*lled a kid. (INHALES DEEPLY)

- ROMAN: Hmm?
- What? (CHUCKLES)

- What?
- I k*lled a kid.


yeah, they're... they're coming for me.

They're gonna come for me.

Is this... Uh... Is this real?

What the f*ck?

- At your wedding.
- SHIV: What?

Horse shit.

The kid.

That kid.

Uh... You mean the...

waiter kid? The...

I was high, and I was looking for...

to score and I was drunk,

I was f*cked up, and I drove.

And he saw something
and he snatched at the wheel,

and we went into the water. (INHALES)

I left him in there and ran.

- Okay. Uh...

Let's... We gotta get you... Come on.

It's f*cking lonely.


(SOBS) I'm all apart.

I mean, if it pleases the court...


... it sounds like you didn't k*ll him.

It sounds to me like he k*lled him.

Rome, I'm a piece of shit, man.

ROMAN: But...

the road and the water k*lled him?

That's what it sounds like.

Nah, man. Don't.

ROMAN: No, seriously. I mean,

you crashed, and then what?
You did... You ran?

(INHALES SHAKILY) No. No. I mean...

I tried to get him.

You did? Okay. See?


I... I dived a few times.

This sounds like the story
of a hero to me.

I would've been straight out of there.

Serious, I would've been out
of that water like a...

- ... tabby cat out of a bath.

Don't, man.


Don't, man, I'm a... I'm a k*ller.

(SCOFFS) f*ck you.

Bullshit. Come on. At worst, you're...

you're an irresponsibler, okay?

You're bigging yourself up.


I don't know, you guys.

I don't know.

I'm bl*wn into a million pieces.

SHIV: Okay, we gotta
get you out of here.

What... Where do we go?

Bring him back to the chapel,

stuff him in a confessional?
That'll fix it.


- SHIV: Ah...

Oh, shit.

Oh. Laird's called me back.

- Oh, yeah?
- Uh... Yeah. Just one minute.

- Oh, yeah?
- SHIV: Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Take that call.

Leave me here with all
the feelings. Thank you.

SHIV: Hey, Laird. Go on. What's up?

I mean, who hasn't clipped the odd kid

- with a Porsche, am I right?

I mean, it's like a rite of passage.

I've k*lled a kid too, big deal.


- You've k*lled a kid, right?
- Uh... Yeah.

Man, you f*cked my wedding
in so many ways.


(WHISPERS) I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

You know, one waiter down,
that makes sense. It...


... took me forever to get
a f*cking drink at her wedding.

- Please, man.
- Okay, yeah.

I ca... I can't...

You're right. I'm a...

I guess I'm just trying to say, like,

who's the real victim here?

I waited three quarters
of an hour for a gin and tonic.



Uh... Okay.

- Sorry to... (EXHALES HEAVILY)

... say this, Ken, but confirmed.

Laird is inside the deal,

but he's been cucked out of the
lead, so he's bitter and bleating.

GoJo buys Waystar.

They pay a premium, Dad cashes out,

cash and stock, and
he keeps maybe a title,

uh, but... (HESITATES)

and takes a few assets,

but it's Matsson's f*cking board.

Can we trust that? Is that real?

SHIV: Kendall, I know this isn't ideal,

but we have to talk about this now.

Look, I'll call the car. Let's
just get the f*ck out of here.





Where do you wanna wait?

KENDALL: Uh... Can I...
Can I be with you guys?

- SHIV: Yeah. Of course.



SHIV: Okay, so...

we gotta go stop this.


- Mm-hmm.
- ROMAN: What the f*ck?


So, we go see him, and we tell
him we just won't have it, right?



SHIV: Rome.

ROMAN: Okay.

This is rumors,

so I will need to talk to him
directly, just me.

Do you think you're close to him?

You're just his little rat f*ck.

I'm just saying, as a matter of fact,

that Dad and I have been
working closely lately

and I don't wanna go in too aggressive.

I'm not busting in there
crying "Team Shiv", okay?

We don't know how this
is gonna play out just yet.

You think dad is protecting you? Hmm?

No. We let Matsson take control,
that is Dad slamming the door.

It means that he doesn't
ever think that we will,

can, or should take over.

I just don't think
we should be aggressive.

I mean, can we even actually stop him?


A change of control

needs a super majority
in the holding company.

Mom got us that in the divorce.
He'd need us on board.

Right. Well...

I'm not sure I wanna
pull out a move like that.

Maybe I just stick with what I got.

Which is what?

- Hard drive full of d*ck pics?
- ROMAN: Nice.

Which is...

I think with dad pulling the strings...

Where do you think we fit on
Matsson's new org chart, Rome?

He'll Romanov you and take you
to the cellar and that's that.

Rome, you know dad is never
gonna choose you

because he thinks there's
something wrong with you.

I'm sorry, but...

maybe it's time that we said
these things to each other

instead of just talking it
all out to Vanity Fair.

And the holding company move.

If we do that, that's real?

He can't sanction a deal without us,

that's legal fact.

Block him and he's f*cked.

Okay, so...

to rip off the Band-Aid.

We just... We push him out.

We get him on his own,
and we say "urinary tract",

we say "shareholder meeting".

Right, he nearly f*cking
croaked at Josh's.

Yeah, he's out of it.
He's f*cking a -year-old

and he's planning for babies in jars.

You know, he's gone loopy, and
he... he's tried to sell the shop.

So, I mean, even just
f*cking his assistant.

We tell the board that, he's toast.

We push him out.

Full coup.

SHIV: Yeah. Slide him out.

Say Ken, chair?


You or me, Rome, CEO?

And the other one takes...

whatever they want,
like studio, movies, TV...

The streamer, but, you know, equal.

Okay, but really equal.

Really equal. If we do this,

I don't want you two c**ts
trying to big-brother me

out of my f*cking piece, okay?

No, we can fight it out.
It'll... It'll be fun. (CHUCKLES)

That will be fun. (CHUCKLES)

We f*cking take Mussolini away
in a van to the hospital

take over the radio stations.

Oh, f*ck.

(INHALES) I do think that,

even though this literally
makes me wanna vomit

and I wanna k*ll you both every day

and it's all gonna end horribly,

I do think that we...


... could make a pretty good team.

So, how do we feel about k*lling Dad?

Mixed feelings?

- Pass me the f*cking g*n.
- SHIV: Okay.

Rome, you in?

Okay. f*ck. Okay.


Well, Con, this is me layering you in.

But I can't talk about this right now

because it's complicated
and I don't have time.

And also you're a little bit slow.

Yeah, thanks for talking.

I just wanna triple-check the
holding company by-law shit.


We have a w*apon:
veto on the change of control.

It's from the divorce, so stop that,

and the deal collapses, he's impotent.

We're gonna force him out.

f*ck, okay. Uh-huh.

And where do I fit in, Shiv?

Well, high up, Tom, I don't know. It...

(HESITATES) We'll figure it out,
though. There's a lot going on.

No, sure, sure, okay.

Uh... But... But...
But... But, uh, high?

But, Tom, once we do it, right away,

we're gonna offer him the medical card,

secure the imperial guard,

tell him that he needs
to take some rest,

and, sourced to us kids,

we'll get ATN to confirm.

Say like, uh,
"Founder Logan Roy Ailing",

uh, "Prayers for the big man.

Thinking of taking a step back".

So, we can cite you as sources?

- Yeah?
- Yeah. And we'll stand it up.

Get ready, okay?

Jesus. Okay.

Good luck.

- Bye.
- SHIV: Mm-hmm.

- KENDALL: He's in?
- Yeah.

Hey, Tommy.

- Hey.
- GREG: Hey.

TOM: Hey.

Say hello to someone

who could be Logan's ex-wife's

step-cousin-in-law and heir apparent

to the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg.

Twelve times removed or some shit.

And potential count of somewhere

and legitimate claimant
to the dormant throne of Italy.

What, Greg?

Me and the contessa.

We're hitting it off.

She's having an existential crisis

about her personal branding

and I'm right in there to wheedle away.

What about...

- GREG: Comfrey?
- Yeah.

Comfrey might be helping her
refresh her personal branding.

And I... I don't actually think
she's that into me.

We're separate-bedding.

It's a guilt-free switch-up.

Case closed.

Slam it shut.

The verdict is love, Your Honor.

Greg, listen.

What's up?


things may be in motion.

As in...

- Is anyone going to jail?


No. So, um...

do you wanna come with me?


Can I ask for a little more information?


Don't think so.


I might need you as my att*ck dog.

- GREG: Right.
- Like, um, a Greg-weiler.

- GREG: Hmm.

Tom's att*ck dog.


Uh... I mean,

I have Brightstar Buffalo
in my hip pocket,

I'm kind of a big deal, so...

You f*cked yourself
before congress, Greg.

That... That's your opinion.

(MOCKINGLY) "I don't recall,
Your Honor, I don't recall..."

You're a f*cking joke, man.

Who has ever looked after you
in this f*cking family, huh?

All right, uh, well, in terms of...

(HESITATES) ... where I could be...

getting to if I were to come with?

You could be heading away
from the endless middle

and towards the bottom of the top.

The bottom of the top?


Um... Could I get my own...

my own, like...

- Your own Greg?
- GREG: Yeah.

You can have .

Listen, I... I have things to do.


Do you want a deal with the devil?



What am I gonna do with a soul anyways?


- Souls are boring.

- Boo, souls.

Of course.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- All right.
- All right.


ROMAN: Maybe he's napping.

SHIV: Yeah, then worse to wake him up.


- We're good?
- Yeah, yeah.

I'm good. You good, Rome?


You can handle this?

Been basically planning it
since we were four.

What if dad flutters
his eyelids at you, Rome?

You gonna melt?

ROMAN: Me? No.

As long as you guys don't
go water p*stol in Bali.

Water p*stol in Bali?

Yeah, water p*stol in Bali.

When we were all gonna go squirt
Dad under the canopy?

I went in, and you f*ck
left me for d*ad?

SHIV: I don't recall.

ROMAN: That's convenient.

Hey, Dad!

SHIV: Shiv Roy. We're going in.

Okay, yeah, excuse me,
lawyery man, may I see that?

LAWYER: Uh, no.

Okay, uh, where's my dad?
Logan? Logan Roy?

LAWYER: I don't know,
I haven't seen him.

ROMAN: Oh, you haven't seen him.
That's convenient.

He hasn't seen him.


ROMAN: Well, look who it is.

Hey, we're going in.


LOGAN: Send them in!

ROMAN: Okay, um...

- Hey.
- LOGAN: Hey!

Hello. Hello.

- What's all this, then?
- ROMAN: Hi. Hi everyone. Hi.

- SHIV: Hey, Karl.

Uh... We're just feeling a little
out of the loop, Dad.

Oh, of course. Things
have moved very fast.

Come in, come in, come in.


Yeah, we might be wrong,

but we're, uh,

we're hearing rumors about GoJo.

Yeah, that, uh,

we might be the target now.

Is that right, Dad?

Okay. I've been looking at some options.

Right. We might be affected,
our positions,

so we wanted to get some clarity.

Absolutely. But do you mind
not with him in here

giving me the f*cking doggy-evils?

Can you take him out, Romulus?

I'll fill in your sister
and give you the angles.

I don't trust him.


You can tell us together, Dad.

I thought we had this figured out.

Yeah. It just might be better,
you know, if...

we all hear.


So, the market capitalizations
of our firms

have been on the move.

Ours is a declining business.

There's a wave of
consolidations happening

that mean this is the optimal
moment, in my opinion,

uh, to make a deal

with a serious tech operation

like GoJo.

And that's what I've
been exploring, okay?

Okay, so, I would say, uh,
on behalf of all of us,

uh, can you ease up and let us in,

stop this until we see exactly
how we're impacted?

No, it has to be now.

- Why?
- Because I feel it in my bones.

Oh, wow, no arguing with that, huh?

End of the day,
that's all I f*cking got.

Well, you know that's bullshit.

Look, this is the best moment to sell.

If I don't do the best deal
at any given point,

what's the point of anything?

I don't get out, I leave
five billion on the table.

Come on, Dad!

What are you gonna do
with the five Bil? Huh?

Put it on your pile with
all your other f*cking Bil?

Mm-hmm. Probably. Yeah.

And what are we supposed to do?

Make your own f*cking pile.

I know this is a readjustment,

but our blood's in the water
and I need to make moves fast

in order to control
the situation and get myself

and you... (SNIFFS)

... assurances for the future.

Dad, once Matsson is calling
the sh*ts, we're f*cked.

No, nah, he rates you.

And this is an opportunity for you kids

to get an education...

in real life.

With you at the top, we can take over,

but without you, we're f*cked.

Come on, Roman.


Let's get away from
these f*cking Jacobins.

I've got you. Come on, let's discuss.

Hey, Dad, I... I know what he said,

I was there, but, um,

really, with Matsson calling the sh*ts,

we're... we're strung up
in the town square.


He rates you!

You have my word.

This is an opportunity, son.

A bit of f*cking grit.

Adversity, like me.

You can trust me.

You can't trust him.


We're here to say, the three of us,

to ask and to say

do not do this, please.

And what if I decide
I can't listen to you?

We can stop you,

and we will stop you. Blow this up.

You need our vote
for a change of control.

Yeah. You need all of us.

You need a super majority,
and we can k*ll it.

And we will.

You're playing toy f*cking soldiers!

Go on!

f*ck off!

I have you b*at!

You f... morons!

Well, no, because you need
a super majority...

Oh, well, no!

(MOCKINGLY) Because you
need a super majority to...


Uh... Is she still on?

It's all done.

Can we get her back on?

ROMAN: Dad, what is this?

LOGAN: Yeah.



Hello? Yeah. Logan?

LOGAN: Caroline, you're on

with Roman, Kendall, and Siobhan.

- Hi, Mom.
- Mom?

CAROLINE: All right, well,
I don't necessarily wanna do

anymore tonight, Logan.

Your mother and I have been
reviewing the terms of the...

divorce agreement.

Mom, you f*cked us.

LOGAN: And we've agreed

that the arrangements were a little...

- antiquated.
- Oh, f*ck, Mom, he got to you.

Oh, seriously, Mom, already?

- What the f*ck did you...

I can't get into it, all right? I...

I think everything will be fine.

Rex Hendon's dealing with it all.

Mom, you just slit our throats.

CAROLINE: Please don't be angry. I...

I think this is for the best.

Peter's so excited.

Oh, is he? Peter's excited. Great.

CAROLINE: I'm not sure it's been
good for you, all the, you know.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I love you all. Bye.

Well, we just walked in
on Mom and Dad f*cking us.

Thank you, Caroline.


- please?
- Please?

ROMAN: Please.

The seat sniffer gets a f*cking leg up.

That's a deal.

What have you got in your f*cking hand?

What have I got?

I don't know, f*cking...


LOGAN: Love?

(BREATHES HEAVILY) You come for me...

with love?

You bust in here, g*n in hand,

and now you find they've
turned to f*cking sausages.

You talk about love?

You should have trusted me.

- Dad, why?
- Why?

Because it works.

I f*cking win.

Oh, go on, go on. f*ck off.

You nosy f*cking pedestrians.


COLIN STILES: Mr. Roy. Mr. Roy.
Mr. Roy, hold on a second.

- I need you to sign...
- Who the f*ck told him?

Who told him that we were coming?

Gerri, Gerri, Gerri, Gerri!

He's not well.

You can help us, right?
You can help us stop him?

Well, I'm focused on...

whatever outcome best serves
the financial interest

of the shareholders of the company.

But it doesn't serve my interests.

How does it serve my interests?

- Later.
- COLIN: Okay.



Hey, Shiv.

You okay?

- Hey.
- TOM: Hey.

Yeah. Uh...

You okay?


- What's going on?
- Mom f*cked us.







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