04x08 - Chapter Seventy-Two

[bunniefuu]

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, friends.

The times, they are changing.

First, our Jane.

She was recently dumped.

Plus her book
got mediocre reviews.

And then, this happened.

I know! OMG, right?

Another OMG?

Alba said no
to Jorge's proposal.

Oh, and did I mention

Rafael was living
with the Villanueva's now?

See, his sister Luisa

took all his money,

which meant Mateo had to say

good-bye to private school.

Unfortunately,
Jane's local school district

Wasn't so great.
But...

Did you know
that your parents

live in the Elbamare
School District?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
So, yeah, they decided

to send him there.

On the down low.

Also facing
child care challenges,

Jane's father Rogelio.

See, he was married to Xo,

but had a baby with Darci.

Oh, and did I mention,
Darci was dating

his archrival

and co-star Esteban?

I know! Straight out of

a telenovela, right?

But imagine this.

Petra's twin sister Anezka

convinced Rafael's

sister Luisa

that she was hallucinating
some guy named Carl.

So
Luisa checked herself

into a mental institution.

But here's the thing, friends,

Carl was real.

And to add to the crazy,

Anezka started spiraling.

So she faked her own death

to see who really loved her.

And she briefly thought

she could trust Petra.

Until she realized
she couldn't.

And then this happened.

Which, my friends,

is where we left off.

When Jane Gloriana Villanueva

was ten years old,

the day she had dreamed about

finally came.

The very first kiss

between Teresa and Ramiro

on Las Rutas de Pasión.

JANE:
How do they know which way

to move their heads?

Uh, well, they probably

just rehearsed.

No, I mean in real life.

How am I gonna know

what to do?

You'll be years old,

in love,

you'll touch lips, very gently,

and it will feel just like that.

Okay, here's the real deal.

It won't be anything

like Las Rutas de Pasión,

so set your expectations low.

The clouds
aren't gonna part,

Angels won't sing,

it'll probably be
a little awkward.

So what happens?

What do you do?

Well you just open
your mouth a little,

And your tongue will touch his...

Or hers, either way.

My tongue?

Yup.

Do I just leave it there?

You move it,

b-but not too much.

How will I know
if I'm doing a good job?

Trust me, you'll know.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Which brings us here. Now.

[♪♪♪]

What... was...

I wasn't planning it,
I-I-I just...

MATEO:
Mommy?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh, no, did he see?

I'm scared to
go to kindergarten.

[BOTH EXHALE]

Oh, sweetheart.

Oh, my... ah.

It's gonna be
so much fun.

But I don't have any friends.

You'll meet some kids
when we go

to registration tomorrow.
Now, come on.

You need some sleep.

Mommy will lie
with you. Hmm?

[Jane chuckles]

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR [Laughs]:

Well, he sure looks happy.

And she looks...

She looks...

♪♪
I'm sorry, friends,

but I actually don't know

what the hell she's thinking.

[KEYBOARD CLACKS]

[♪♪♪]

[Sighs]

[Cell phone rings]

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Back to reality.

Hi, Petra.

Hey, wait, wait, wait.

Slow down.
I know your sister's dead.

No, she wasn't
really dead before.

She faked her death
because she was trying

To figure out who loved her.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Reality,
of course, being relative.

- So she's alive?
- No.

I found out, she att*cked me,

so I defended myself,

and she fell off the balcony.

So now she's actually dead.

Oh, my God. That's...

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Straight out of a telenovela!

Self-defense. So, listen,

I need you to watch the girls.

The nanny can't stay overnight,

I'm stuck at the police station.

I'm going now.

Are you okay?

Do you have a lawyer?

No, I don't need one.

Like I said,
it was self-defense.

Yeah, I knew a lot of guys

in prison who said that, too.

Just get a lawyer,

a good one.

I have to go, that's my

other line.
We'll talk later.

What the hell

took so long, Krishna?

Well it's a long drive,

and I had to stop for gas,

- and then my debit card wasn't...
- Stop. I don't actually care.

Are you at the mental hospital?

They prefer you call it
a "wellness center."

Krishna!

Sorry. Yes.

I'm here, but Luisa's gone.

- What?
- She checked herself out,

And she didn't leave
any contact info.

- Oh, no.
- LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Uh-oh.

Once I tell Luisa
that you and mother gaslit her,

She's going to get out and sign
all her shares over to Rafael.

I told her you and Rafael
were the ones

Who had been sending Carl

and lighting her gas.

And she seemed very,

very angry with her brother.

Listen to me,

get a P.I., okay?

We need to find Luisa.

Oh, and-and, oh,

get me a lawyer,
a good one.

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

DARCI: What's wrong?

What's wrong is that this

is my time with Baby,

and you're sitting here...
milking.

Pumping.

And unfortunately,

you fed her early

and got her off her schedule.

So if I don't pump,

these babies will blow.

ESTEBAN:
Darci produces so much milk.

She's overflowing.

Like a goddess of...

milk.

Well, this goddess doesn't

need another clogged duct.

Okay, get this

in the fridge,

it's liquid gold.

Come on, Moosh, let's go.

[Whispers]
Ask her.

Darci.

I was thinking,

maybe Baby could stay

overnight this weekend?

Overnight? No way.

Overnights don't happen

until she's a year old,
per our contract.

Now, give Baby to Esteban.

[♪♪♪]

[BABY FUSSING]

See you on set, Rogelio.

Bright side?

Our really difficult

new family dynamic is something
we can talk about in therapy.

I don't need to talk about that
with a therapist.

I just need Esteban

to get a D-list,

straight-to-Crackle film

that sh**t in Guadalajara.

But like I said,

I'll be happy

to accompany you
to therapy to

help you learn about yourself.

Okay, terrific.

ALBA:
I don't need to talk.

I promise.

Are you sure?

Because the last time
I talked to you,

You wanted to marry Jorge.

And I tried to say yes,

But I couldn't get it out.

I just...

don't love him

the way I loved
your grandfather.

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]

And I don't want to settle

I want to be

swept away.

Yeah, it's a great feeling.

JANE:
I didn't hear you come in.

So how's Mateo?

Really nervous.

How are you?

Uh...

Maybe we should talk

about us later.

I meant about Mateo.

And that lying
about the address thing.

Oh. Heh, sorry.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
To remind you, they'd enrolled

in a great public kindergarten

using Ro and Xo's address.

I'm prepared, obviously.

This is the place where
we'd get coffee every morning

if we did, in fact,
live in the area.

And I'm going
to run to my mom's

And drop off toys in case

school officials ever come by.

You dropped off toys
last week

When you set up a room
for Mateo upstairs.

I know, pay attention,
that's just what I told Rafael.

- Why?
- Because...

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Come on, say it already!

Last night...

he kissed me.

- What?
- LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I know!

Completely out of the blue.

Well, not completely.

Couple months ago, you tried to

get in the shower with him.

Exactly.
Months ago.

I mean, we're in
a different place now.

Come on.

How was the kiss?

ALBA:
What's with the big grin?

I kissed Jane last night.

[GASPS] What?

And, Alba, it was...

- Not good.
- What?

I don't understand.

You've had great kisses
before with him.

I know. Next level.

And I tried, honestly,

I gave it my all.

I don't know,

it-it just felt...

Exactly the same.

Completely different.

And the timing?

I just had my heart broken.

What was he even thinking?

And all I could think was,

"Finally. Finally."

It felt like...

coming home.

I don't even want
to go home.

You have to.

I know, I know.

I'll just...

nip this whole thing
in the bud.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Hey, that actually works.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, yes. Where were we?

You look like you need

a big kiss.

Ay, mwah.

You're gonna love
kindergarten.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Debatable.

Now. One last time,
what is your name?

Mateo Gloriano Rogelio

Solano Villanueva.

Good.

And what's your address?

Mockingbird Terrace.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
To be clear,

that was Xo and Ro's address.

Perfect.
And we need that last piece of mail.

Here it is.

Thank you so much.

So many people try
to get into this district,

we need to be really careful.

Only our taxpayers.

[♪♪♪]

- [EXHALES]
- RAFAEL: Jane.

JANE [SIGHS]:
I can't believe

He's starting

kindergarten.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I know.

I remember when he was just
a syringe on a tray,

waiting to be inserted

into the wrong woman.

I know.

- Oh, you okay?
- No.

[CHUCKLES, SOBS]
But I told myself

I can't get emotional
until tomorrow.

It's just registration.

Kindergarten is a big deal.

- Come on.
- [SNIFFLES]

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Wait. Is this a normal hug?

Or is it weird
because of the kiss?

[Chuckles]

Okay, I gotta go
pick up the twins.

Uh, I will see you at home,

and we'll talk

about... last night?

Yes, good.

Actually, maybe kiss first

and then talk.

I'm sorry, I know we have

a lot to discuss,
but, uh...

[Sighs]

that was some kiss, huh?

Yes, it-it was.

XIOMARA:
I was shocked

That any part of Rogelio,

no matter how small,
suspected I was pregnant

all those years ago.

And I want to be able

to let go of it.

Rogelio, how do you feel

about what Xiomara said?

Hmm?

Oh, well, um, I agree

on-on some level.

But on another

level, I don't.

[♪♪♪]

You weren't
even listening.

Of course I was.

[GASPS]

You've been tweeting?

No!

Just one little tweet.

[SCOFFS]
I don't believe this.

ROGELIO:
I am expected to

constantly tweet.

I'm a tastemaker,
a ambassador.

But you know how important

- this is to me.
- You have no idea

what an honor it was...

[BOTH ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]

- It's important to me!
- Okay, okay.

Swear to God.
I'm gonna break that phone.

- [Laughs]
- I would like to see you try.

Rogelio.
Why are you reluctant

to discuss the past?

Because he used

to be a Scientologist,

so he doesn't
believe in therapy.

That is not true.

Leah Remini and I

totally changed our
minds about that.

It's because we already

talked about what happened.

So, l-let's not talk

about your past with Xiomara.

Let's talk
about your deeper past.

Oftentimes, by understanding

the relationship
with the formative female

in your life, your mother,

it can help you understand

your relationship with the
women in your life now.

My mother is an incredible

woman. She's perfect.

She's strong, caring,

kind, an amazing momager.

Wait, what's a momager?

My mother was my manager

as a child.

So, when you say your line,

show them your beautiful soul

and your beautiful teeth.

Having a business

relationship with the woman

who's supposed to be
loving you unconditionally.

All that pressure
and responsibility

on such a little boy's
shoulders.

How did that
make you feel?

Well...

yeah, it could sometimes

be hard.

I mean, I had to support

my whole family.

If I failed,

my whole family
would suffer,

which is just a lot

f-for a little kid to handle.

PETRA:
Oh, please, spare me.

You did this to
get under my skin.

I didn't. She came

highly recommended.

Her name just
happened to be...

Jane.

- And you are Petra?
- Yes.

And I really don't
need a lawyer.

Then why am I here?

My children's father felt

I should hire someone.

Because you were the only person

at the scene of the m*rder?

There was no m*rder.

It was self-defense.

Not sure the D.A. would

agree with you on that.

I made some calls to see if

there were any charges pending.

What...
Are there?

No. Not yet.

But - we're going

to get there.
And unfortunately you're not

the most sympathetic defendant.

And this isn't your first time

being a person of interest
in a m*rder investigation.

[♪♪♪]

Oh.

Got it.

And just to be clear,

I know what this is about.

Well, you see
my expensive shoes,

You know my hotel
is worth millions,

So you're trying to
make it seem like this

is some complicated case

that's going to require
hundreds of billable hours.

But let me be clear:

this is not complicated.

My sister att*cked me.

We struggled, she fell.

Now let me be clear.

Here's what's
going to happen.

First, the police are
going to get a subpoena

- for your e-mails
- and phone records.

Then they'll go after
the hotel security footage.

After that, they'll ask
for the reservation records,

so they can interrogate
all the guests

And all of your
hotel employees,

So you may want to put
your shoe shopping on hold

because it is going

to cost you a lot of money
to get out of this. And you'll

pay it to someone else

because I'm not interested.

Krishna!

Find me another

lawyer not named...

RAFAEL:
Jane.

Is Mateo asleep?

Finally.

So, should we talk?

Uh, yeah. Great.

[♪♪♪]

But first, let me

just make my pitch.

And before you say no...

here's a list

of all the reasons
it won't work out,

Practically,

with my counterarguments.

Oh, come on, you like lists.

RAFAEL:
Number one.

We just got back
to being friends.

And under that is
my counterargument,

which is really just me

apologizing for being a jerk.

And
and talking about how much

your friendship means.

And how much I missed you.

And how co-parenting has

to be our top priority.

That's the thing, Mateo...

Yeah, that's in section two.

A list about how it would

ultimately benefit him

if we worked out.

"If"?
Just continue reading.

We take it slow.

Not much would change

and we're already
living together.

So we just treat it like
any other new relationship

and-and we don't tell him

for a while.

Why not try?

I just had my heart broken.

I know.

And there's a section
about timing.

And how I know
it's not perfect.

Come on, you don't have

an incredible kiss like that

if there's not
something there.

[SIGHS]

Honestly...

it wasn't incredible for me.

What?

The kiss.

It was kind of like...

I don't know, not great.

Yeah, I-I don't understand.

What don't you understand?

It was a great kiss.

- I mean, I'm a good kisser.
- This isn't an indictment

of your kissing.
I'm just saying that

I wasn't feeling it.

You know?
Maybe things changed.

Or maybe your head

wasn't in the game.

What?

Well you were just
caught off guard

and all you could think about

was all that other stuff.

- You can't understand that...
- Look, I told your grandmother

It was the greatest kiss
of my life.

You spoke to my
Abuela about this?

She's my friend.
I like her.

Well then maybe
you should kiss her.

Five more minutes,

Mr. Sweetface.

Hey, hi.

You okay?

Are you super sad about
Jorge or anything?

I told you I'm fine.

Okay, because
I'm angry with you,

But I don't want to get into
a fight if you're super sad.

I mean, I'm not happy...

Stop talking to Rafael
about me.

He opened up to me.

You're supposed
to be on my team.

I'm on both of your teams.

I'm Team Jane
and Team Rafael.

I am Team Jafael!

There is no Team Jafael.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Yikes, sorry.

There could be.

Where is this coming from?

It just feels.

Meant to be

You have a child together
already.

An accident which we made

the absolute best of.

Maybe.

Or maybe it's part

of a larger plan.

Hmm?

What?

Your grandfather and I

had to overcome many obstacles.

Same with your father
and mother.

And now they're...

In therapy.

Why are you here?

My grandson is starting

kindergarten.

I'm hiding
from your father.

All he wants to do

is talk about his childhood

and his feelings
and his realizations

and his realizations about

his childhood feelings
and his feelings about

his childhood realizations.

Now we can't get through

a five-minute conversation

without him crying
about his mother.

I'd cry too
if she were my mother.

[All Snort]

Hey! All right,

who's ready for
the first day

of kindergarten, huh?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, memories.

[KIDS SCREAMING]

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh, geez. I can't watch this.

[Sobs]

Please, no more crying.

Honestly, I thought this

would be good news.

It is.
I'm weeping

with happiness.

Thank you so much.

A telenovela sequel,

it's beautiful.

Tell me a little bit
about the idea.

You'll drink

a lady scientist's potion

and kiss her as planned,

then, bam!

You start to grow big

because you drank too much.

Brilliant, sexy,

I love it.

Does Esteban know
I'm getting a sequel?

Yes, he was told
this morning.

Beautiful, perfect.

Is he devastated?

Can I squash him like a bug

- at the end?
- Rogelio.

Yes.

You are right.

Why can't I just accept
my own happiness?

It must have to do
with my mother, who...

Well, never mind.

I'll talk about her
in therapy.

But thank you,
thank you so much.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Speaking of two people

- who could use some therapy...
- [SIGHS]

Hope he made friends.

Yeah, me, too.

Hey, I'm sorry

about last night.

No, I'm sorry.

- I feel so bad.
- Me, too, me, too.

- I can't stop thinking about it.
- I'm so sorry I caught you

off guard like that.

You still think
that's the reason?

- Hey, let's just leave it.
- Do you?

Okay, you are a planner.

At least admit
it's a possibility.

Admit it's a possibility
that you aren't quite

- The kisser you think you are.
- I was put at a kissing booth

in college, all right?

People paid to kiss me.

Well I wouldn't

have paid.

Are you sure you're gonna

be able to let this go?

Done. I've let go.

MATEO: Mommy, Daddy!

[Jane squeals]

How was school?

School was fun,
I made friends.

Can I have a playdate?

- Of course you can.
- Well...

Yay, yay, yay!
Elijah!

My dad says you can come

to our house right now.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Their house?

You mean Xo and Ro's house.

I, uh, I wasn't...

- I didn't think...
- Exactly.

I'll handle this.

A playdate sounds fun.
At your place?

Ooh, actually,
we were hoping yours.

We're undergoing renovations,

and the house is really
a mess.

Or what about,
um, Grafton Park?

'Cause it's so nice to get
the kids outside, playing...

- Oh, I wish.
- Elijah has allergies.

[Sneezes]

Could we come
to your place?

- Pfft. Why not?
- [Laughter]

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Because you don't live there.

Uh, they will follow me home,

and we'll meet you there.

Okay, great.

Now, Mateo, where did you

put that thermos?

[♪♪♪]

XIOMARA:
I'm hurrying.

Where are you?

I'm here.

What do you want me to do
with this picture?

Just put it in your car.

How long do we have?
Wh-Where's Jane?

[JANE SIGHS]

I'm so sorry,

my t*nk is below empty.

Just give me one minute.

[Phone chimes]

[Exhales]

Okay, so, Mateo.

We are gonna play a really

fun game this afternoon.

It's called: Pretend That We

Live at Papa and Abuela's House.

Why are we playing it?

It's a long story.

And did I mention

that there's a great prize

- if you win?
- What do I get?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
A great public education.

Ice cream sundae.

Chocolate syrup?

And rainbow sprinkles.

MATEO: Deal.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Which brings us here.

Hey.
Welcome. Come in.

I live here.

Mateo is so excited
to have Elijah over.

Because I live here.

Uh, that's right,

you do, Mateo.
Please come in.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, yes, the playdate.

Be careful or the whole thing

will come crashing down.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Thanks for the reminder, Mateo.

You sure do have a lot of

breastmilk in your fridge.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, yes, that would be

Darci's liquid gold.

Sorry. I know

lots of moms breastfeed for
an extended time nowadays.

I... I hope that
didn't sound judgmental.

No problem, bud.

I am one of those moms.

You know,
what can I say?

Mateo's healthy as a horse.

- Can I see your room?
- Uh... Of-of course.

Mateo, why don't we, uh,
take your friend upstairs?

Can I have
a drink first, Mommy?

Oh, I'm just gonna go
with water this time.

[Chuckles]

Interesting photos you've

got in the restroom.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oops, let me show you

what she's referring to.

Actually, it's a triptych.

Who are those people?

Yeah, actually,
those are my parents.

You have naked photos
of your parents?

That's right.

We are a body-positive,

extended breastfeeding

hippy-dippy
household up in here.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I can't take it.

I feel like
they are going to be busted

any minute. Which reminds me.

LAWYER: Of course there
won't be a m*rder charge.

This whole thing
will blow over.

Clearly, that other lawyer

was just trying to scare you.

Thank you. That's what I...

Petra Solano?

Yes, that's me.

This is a subpoena for

your e-mails and phone records.

We also need to review

all security footage and
get a complete list of guests

Who were staying at the hotel
the night your sister d*ed.

Of course.

I have nothing to hide.

[Chuckles]

Call Jane Ramos.

Now. Tell her
I don't care what it costs.

I'm just realizing

the cost now.

How she had me sing and dance

for the entire waitstaff

because one of the busboys

recognized me
from a cereal commercial.

It was my birthday,

they should have been
singing to me.

You know what?

I-I was hoping

that we could enjoy
a nice afternoon together

and maybe not

talk about your
childhood for a few hours?

It's been kind of nonstop.

Oh, well, excuse me

for having feelings and being

in touch with my emotions.

Maybe the problem is that

I'm touching a nerve here.

I've talked all about my past,

and you haven't shared a thing.

Well I haven't shared anything

because you haven't let me
get a word in.

Okay. Get a word in.

Talk about your parents.

Well, uh...

there really isn't
much to tell.

You know everything.

My relationship with my mom

was complicated,

and my relationship with my dad

was perfect.

Nobody's perfect.

Okay, well, yes, of course,

he wasn't perfect, but...

[Chuckles]

he was a wonderful dad.

I don't know
if I ever told you this,

but one Christmas

he worked six extra shifts

just to get me
a Madame Alexander doll.

[Sighs]

A-And how did that
make you feel?

Special.

I mean, I was so touched

that he would do that for me.

I loved that doll.

Although, I-I guess,

when I really think about it,

I would have traded

that doll in a second

for more time

with him.

[Crying]
This is so stupid.

I don't know why

I'm crying about this.

It's called

a breakthrough.

Elijah, don't break that.

Sorry, he's not used

to such nice tableware.

[Chuckles softly]

Part of our parenting
philosophy.

Uh, treat kids
like little grownups,

And they'll act accordingly.

Elijah, look,
I have a booger.

- Oh.
- Uh.

[Both giggle]

DANA: Well, this has been fun,

but we should really get going.

Go put on your shoes, Elijah.

So you guys obviously

don't live here.

DANA:
It's okay.

We get it.

We just want Mateo to go

- to the best school.
- Of course.

We won't tell anyone,

but you should be careful.

Some parents are narcs.

Thank you

for understanding.

And we are so sorry

for lying.

We understand.

Really, and...

the boys are buddies now,

so maybe we can go

to your real house next time?

That would be great.

And whoever the p*rn stars are
that live here,

they can have their place back.

[Laughs]

- Totally.
- For sure.

[Both sigh, laugh]

Can I have my sundae now

since I lied so good?

[♪♪♪]

Mateo, you weren't lying,

we were playing a game,
remember?

MATEO:
A lying game.

Next time Elijah comes over,

do we lie again?

Jane:
So, Mateo, you were right.

We did ask you to lie.

How come?

I thought lying was wrong.

It is.

Most of the time.

But other times,

we make a choice,

and we weigh the cost of the lie

with the benefit of the lie.

I don't understand.

We're pretending to live

at Papa and Abuela's house

so you're allowed to go

to your new school.

You see, the school in our

neighborhood isn't very good.

Which isn't fair,

but it's also life.

So we're trying,

in just this one case,

to make things
a little more fair.

And in order to do that,

we pretend to live here.

Well, what if

I get mixed up?
Or I forget?

Hey.

Rafael:
Buddy, you can do this.

You're a big boy.

I'm scared.

They're probably not even

gonna ask, Mr. Sweetface.

Alba:
Any more insights into Rogelio's

painful childhood?

Oh, yeah.

And I actually had

my own breakthrough.

Oh?

About Dad and

the Madame Alexander doll

he got me and

how much I missed him.

Yes.

He d*ed too young.

Yeah, but, I mean,

I missed him
when he was alive.

H-He was gone so much.

He was working.

I know, but...

But, what?

He had three jobs
to provide for us,

to put a roof over
our heads,

and clothes on our backs!

Wha...?

And to buy you school supplies,

and that famous
Madame Alexander doll you loved.

Uh, but, Mom, of course

I was so grateful to him.

But thinking back,

what I wanted

more than the doll

was time with him.

I can't believe

you would
disrespect your father's

memory like this.

It's not a criticism,
I'm just...

I won't listen to you

Talk about your father

like this!

Oh, wha...

[Door closes]

XIOMARA:
She was so pissed.

She just shut down.

Clearly, she has
underlying issues

From her own dysfunctional

relationship with her parents.

What were they like?

Well they weren't exactly

her favorite topic.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And, friends, that night,

our p*rn stars talked.

And I think I was scared

of what my mother would say

if she knew about
your pregnancy.

And that's another reason
I didn't reach out to you.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And talked.

I think that's why my reaction

was so big
when you told me.

On some level, all these years

I've been projecting my anger

at my absentee dad on you.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And talked.

That's probably why

I'm such a good actor.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And talked.

[Gasps]
Ooh.

I'm a little tipsy.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Forget Drunk History...

Stain all the

carpets you want,

I love you so much,

Xiomara.

I love you so much, too.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And, friends, that night

was the most romantic night

of their lives.

They even made

another triptych.

Not that one, obviously.

How's Mateo?

Um, he's asleep.

Good.

How'd he seem?

Not as scared,
but he definitely

has more questions.

Oh, I forgot my..

Brush.

[♪♪♪]

[Sighs]

[Phone keyboard clacking]

[Sighs]

I couldn't sleep.

Yeah, me either.

I don't think I realized

what it would feel like.

Having to explain to a kid

all these different

levels and layers to lying?

[Chuckles]
Yeah.

It's hard.

And there's a lot

at stake.

And we have to be
on the same page

and focus on co-parenting.

I agree.

That's why
I'm moving out.

I'm gonna move in
with Petra.

Just until Luisa's better

and we sort things out.

You don't have to move out.

I do.

Because if I'm being honest...

part of the reason
I was staying was for you.

You asked me if

I'll be able to let go,

and I said yes.

And I will,

but it's gonna be hard

because it means letting go
of something pretty big:

the possibility of us.

Which has been there for me

in the back of my mind

for a long time.

And I just don't think

I can let that go

living here with you.

ALBA:
I'll miss you.

[Sighs]
Me too, but...

this is best.

It's just hard to...

give up the idea

that something perfect

might not have been
perfect for everyone.

We're not supposed to talk
about you and Jane.

That was about you and Xo.

I heard you last night.

You had one experience,

and she had another.

Which may or
may not have been

Similar to what happened

with me and...

she-who-will-not-be-named.

[Doorbell rings]

- MAN: Rafael Solano?
- That's me.

Thanks.

It's from my sister.

This is my third message.

- Please have Ms. Ramos
- call me back.

You scared me.

Let me know
what you think.

Go ahead, read it.

PETRA:
"Dear Rafael,

"It's been a week.

Finally I feel ready
to write to you and tell you

what I think of what you did."

Keep going.

"I know now that Carl was real.

"Anezka told me.

She told me everything...

How you set me up to get your
inheritance back"?

- What?
- Stop lying.

I just went to the hospital,

and guess what.

After Luisa checked out,

a woman
named Krishna showed up

asking all kinds of questions.

Even tried to bribe the staff

for information
on Luisa's whereabouts.

Krishna?
Well, she's fired, obviously.

Stop, just stop!

Tell me the truth.

[♪♪♪]

My mother and sister

set everyone up.

They hired Carl to make Luisa

think she was crazy.

I sent Krishna

to find Luisa

as soon as I knew
Anezka said you did it.

How long did you know
Carl was real?

I was going to tell
you and Luisa

just as soon as I dealt with
my mother and Anezka...

How long, Petra?

How long did you leave
my sister

in an institution knowing

she wasn't hallucinating?

A week.

[Scoffs]

[Door closes]

I can't believe Petra
didn't tell you.

I know.

And I need to be
done with that.

With all the lying.

Which is why

I don't want Mateo

lying about his school.

What?
No, that isn't fair.

- Okay, hold on...
- Now, we made this decision,

- and I get that you're suddenly...
- Hold on.

So I found a studio apartment in

your parents' school district,

and I just signed the lease.

What?

I sold my car.

Paid through the ear.

Oh...

I'll take the bus to work or...

carpool with you?

You can totally

carpool with me.

You got an apartment?

Don't get too excited,

it's super small.

I didn't even know
they made them that small.

It sounds...

amazing.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And speaking of amazing...

I will drink this liquid,
and it will restore me to full size.

And cut. Moving on

to the last setup.

Give me Baby.

I want time with her

while they light.

[Baby coos]

ALBA:
Xiomara?

Hey,
what are you doing here?

I always come to Rogelio's
last day of sh**ting a novela.

It's a tradition.

And, I overreacted.

[♪♪♪]

I'm clearly overly protective
of my Mateo's memory.

Ma, no.

I shouldn't have
said that to you.

- I get it.
- No, no, no.

You were right.

He wasn't perfect.

But for me,

he was.

But for you,
it was different.

You're his daughter.

You needed his time.

PRODUCER: So, as we
close out this journey,

I just want to thank you all

for your devotion to Guillermo,

and for...

I got the rewrite.

I saw you crush me like

a bug once you grow big.

And we are officially
announcing a sequel.

[All clap]

Rogelio, do you want
to say a few words?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And in that moment,

with Alba's words

ringing in his ears,

Rogelio realized

he had to be a bigger man.

But not a giant.

Drop everything.

We need an emergency rewrite.

A baby needs her father,

which is why

I will take the next year off.

Esteban will be your lead.

[Gasps]

And I will be

your hero.

[♪♪♪]

PETRA:
Thank you.

For coming back.

L-Look, you were right

about everything.

The police came for my e-mails,

my phone records, my time cards.

And... I don't need someone who's
gonna blow smoke up my ass.

I need someone to make sure
I don't go to jail

for protecting myself.

You accused me
of being a crook.

And I am so sorry.

Look...

I know
this is not an excuse, but...

this is obviously
a very emotional time for me.

My sister's dead,

my hotel is in limbo, and...

I-I don't have anyone
on my side anymore.

I had my ex in my corner,

but I went
and ruined that, so...

And now I'm all alone.

What, do you get
some sick pleasure

in other people's pain?

Keep wearing your heart
on your sleeve.

It makes you a much more

sympathetic defendant.

If you become a defendant,

which I will work hard

to ensure that you don't.

- LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
- Aw, look,

Petra made a friend.

Thank you.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: A friend who
charges $ an hour, but still.

I'd almost say

things are looking up.

[♪♪♪]

Okay, I'm her lawyer.

What's next?

There is no next.

That's all the pictures.

It's just one room.

Well, it's great.

It will be great.

We'll decorate it on

the cheap. I'm a pro.

I'm looking forward to it.

Me, too.

- Okay.
- Hmm.

Let me just ask.

Oh, please, don't let this

- be about the kiss.
- Do you really not think

we have chemistry anymore?

- I don't know.
- That's what you're saying.

Okay, fine. You know what?

Kiss me again.

Are you serious?

Let's do it. Go.

Okay.

[Giggles]

Okay. Wow.

- Sorry. Okay. No.
- You are obviously not

- in the right headspace again.
- I'm fine. I'm ready.

No, I don't want to anymore.

It is now or never.

This is your window.

- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.

Fine. Fine.

- Mm-hmm.
- But first,

you have to think
about what comes next.

- I've thought everything through.
- No.

What I would do

after we kiss.

What do you mean?

Like where I would put my...

hand, for instance.

Oh?

And my...

tongue.

Where are you gonna put it?

[Whispers inaudibly]

Oh, wow.

That's just to start.

Then I'd...

[Whispers inaudibly]

[♪♪♪]

Okay, kiss me now.

[♪♪♪]

Eh.

[Laughs]

Mmm.

[♪♪♪]

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And, friends, what can I say?

It felt like
a telenovela.

MATEO:
Yay!

You guys are kissing!

Does that mean
you're getting married?

[♪♪♪]