03x05 - Titan Up

[bunniefuu]

Rocket's List of Grievances number
in a never-ending series.

I am Groot.

[SIGHS]
With illustrations by Groot.

[LAUGHS]

So, we captured that krutacker Thanos

and were all set
to turn him in to Nova Corps

for, like,
a zillion-unit reward.

But instead, Corpsman Dey
and that helmet kid, Sam,

showed up to take him for themselves.

Then a bunch of Kallusians tried
to steal Thanos for themselves.

So, while everybody's sh**ting
at everybody else,

helmet-head
flies off with Thanos.

[QUILL] Rocket, quit
whining and get up here.

We tracked Thanos's
pod signal to Titan.

[DRAX SIGHS]
We are most fortunate.

Someone has already destroyed
Thanos's fleet.

No, Drax. That's what's left of
those who dared to att*ck Thanos.

Titan is where Thanos
trained all his children.

I swore I'd never come back here.

[BEEPS]

Sweet. I've got a lock on Thanos's
prison pod. How goes the hacking?

I can't get a response
from Titan's master computer.

- Is that bad?
- I'm gonna go with "yes"!

It's just some scavenger bots.

They only dismantle dead ships.

[ROCKET]
Uh, Gamora, tell that to them!

[SAM] Okay, Thanos. I brought you
to Titan. Now, where's my dad?

Patience, child.

You'll see your father very soon.

I'm done with patience.

I've spent years looking for my dad,

and all I know is he disappeared
trying to capture you.

What are these things?

A first line of defense
against those foolish enough

to att*ck the home world of Thanos.

So how do we get past them?

You don't. I do.

Aah!

Good-bye, child.

It appears this one survived.

He'll wish he hadn't.

[GAMORA] We need to take
out those scavenger bots

before they devour the whole ship.
[ALARM BLARING]

Uh, Rocket? Is the "catalytic
ion exchange matrix" important?

[ROCKET] Only if you
wanna keep breathin'.

[GROOT] I am Groot!

[GROANS]

How'd I get here?

Where's my helmet?

Don't worry, lad. You won't live
long enough to put it on again.

[YELLS]

[WHOOPING, CHEERING]

Hey, ugly!
Give me back my helmet!

[CHUCKLES OVER P.A. SYSTEM]
Why don't you try to take it?

Since you insist...
[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

What'd you do, weld it on?

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[CROWD CHEERING]

Get away from my son, you krutackers!

Dad?

[ELECTRICITY ARCING]

[GROOT CHUCKLING]

- I am Groot.
- [ROCKET] You're right.

This is almost as good as
getting reward units. Almost.

[QUILL] Still, we should
probably dig the purple guy out.

With pleasure. [GRUNTS]

Where is Sam?

The child served his purpose.

You monster!

Drax will destroy you!

- [GAMORA] Wait!
- Ah, my favorite daughter.

I knew you'd come for me.

To rescue you or destroy you?

The choice is yours.

You are as I raised you...
loyal and ruthless.

You have nothing to do
with who I am now.

Guys, guys, guys. Look, we
have to turn him in alive

so he can be punished for his crimes.

- It's the right thing to do.
- That, and Nova Corps

won't pay squat
for a big, purple corpse.

Two against two.
What do you say, Groot?

Uhh... hmm...

How can you remain silent?

Thanos destroyed your entire planet.

[GRUNTS]

I... am Groot.

[THUDDING FOOTSTEPS]
I am Groot!

Step away from Thanos!

He's my bounty, ya...
[GRUNTS]

[YELLS]

[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]

[CHUCKLES]
I've taught you well.

Then it's time I taught you!

Dropt it!
Or I break her!

Well done, my loyal warriors.

Now free me so I can finish them.

You ain't the boss here no more.

I reckon there's plenty who'd like
to remind you of that fact...

in the arena.

[CROWD SHOUTING]

Aahh!

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]
[CROWD CHEERING]

[SHOUTING]

[GROANS]

No one touches my son!

Aahh!

Dad!

[WHOOPING]

[GROANING]
Dad!

[GROANS]

Stay back, Sam.

[GRUNTS]

Those are cerebral parasites.

Whatever pain you've
inflicted in your life,

they make you feel it all,
over and over.

[SCREAMING]

I didn't come this far
to watch you suffer.

[GRUNTING]
Dad, are you okay?

I...
[GROANS]

I will be.

It's okay, Dad.
I'll handle this.

- No. [GROANS]
- You're still weak.

You don't have the experience, Sam.
Give me the helmet.

You have to trust me.

[GROWLS, GASPS]

[GRUNTS]

Aahh!

[SCREAMING]

Bring on the pain!
[LAUGHING]

You want pain? Who here would
like to bring the pain to Thanos?

[CROWD WHOOPING, CHEERING]

[MUFFLED YELLING]

[QUILL] Oh, hey. Look, Sam's alive.

Not for much longer if we don't
get him out of that pit.

[BOTH GRUNT]

Curs and ruffians,

I declare a hand-to-hand contest
for the ultimate prize:

the Mad Titan himself!

[CHEERING]

[GRUNTING]

Hmm?

[DRAX] I have sworn
vengeance against Thanos,

and I alone shall destroy him!

Who among you would challenge
Drax the Destroyer?

I will challenge you!

[WHOOPING]
[SCREAMING]

[CHEERING]
[GRUNTS]

Ow!

[ELECTRICITY ARCING]

Drax is just the distraction
we need to rescue Sam.

I've known every inch of this
arena since I was a child.

I can get to him.

But one of us has to sneak out
there and get Sam's helmet.

Somebody no one
will pay attention to, ever.

See, now, that's just rude.

[YELLS]

[CHEERING, SHOUTING]

Who is next?

[CROWD CONTINUES SHOUTING, CHEERING]

[YELLS]

I have to empty the pit.
Then we can get to Sam.

[GROANING]

[CHITTERS]

[YELLS] Whatever you
once were, child...

you belong to Thanos now.

[SAM SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTS]

You all right, kid?

That...
That was horrible.

He'll be fine.
He's young.

He hasn't inflicted much pain.

That's something
that has to be learned.

Not bad for a guy
no one pays any attention t...

You don't look so good, Sam.

Hey!
Hands off, Mr. Grabby!

It's my helmet.
[COUGHING]

Dad, you're still too weak.

This grungy old dude is your dad?

Doesn't matter who you are. You're
both too weak to deal with Thanos.

Thanos? Thanos is here?

He said he'd lead me to you.

You made a bargain with Thanos?

Look, don't worry. He's locked up
tight in a prison pod. [YELLS]

Well, then, I have to
fly him to Xandar.

No. You're both going to stay
down here until you recover.

Yeah. Gamora's right.
We got this.

I am Groot.

I am not just saying that
so that we'll get the bounty.

[SQUEALS]

[CROWD CHEERING]

Who else will challenge Drax?

No one?

Then I claim my prize.

Thanos is mine!

[THANOS LAUGHING]

Why do you laugh, Thanos?

The hour of your destruction
is at hand!

It's ironic, watching you
fight so valiantly

in the very arena where you
refused to fight for Ronan,

because your refusal is the reason
I ordered your family destroyed.

[YELLS]

[BLOWS LANDING]
[DRAX GRUNTING, YELLING]

[ELECTRICITY ARCING]
[YELLS]

[LAUGHING]

Drax, he's using you.
This is what he wants.

Then he shall have it!

[YELLS]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

Drax, you've gotta stop!

He ain't worth nothin' in pieces!

Do not interfere!
[GROANS]

[YELLS]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

I am Groot?

Where were you a minute ago?
He's your bounty, too, you know!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[YELLS]
[YELLING]

[CROWD CHEERING]

Drax, don't do this. I was wrong.
This isn't justice.

If you take down Thanos like
this, you won't destroy him,

you'll become him.

[CROWD SHOUTING]

[GROANS]
My ever-loyal daughter.

You chose to save me after all.

I have already destroyed you, Thanos,

by exposing your weakness.

Weakness?

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHING]

[METALLIC CLINKING]

[THUNDEROUS CLANG]

I shall show you weakness

and destruction!

[THANOS] You have interfered
in my affairs for the last time!

If I had a nickel for every
time I heard that one.

Huh. Now, that was a boom.

[LAUGHS]

You Nova fool!

Clearly, you have forgotten
about my defenses.

Call them off, Thanos.

No one can call them off.

They were designed
to hunt and destroy Novas.

[YELLS]

[YELLS]

I am Groot!

Dad!

What are you doing out here?
Get back inside!

Listen! These things
are resistant to Nova Force.

Not if you know where to aim.

Not my first rodeo, son!
Now go!

Hey, that big, purple chicken
is runnin' away!

[GRUNTS] Thanos doesn't run.
He survives.

He's going to the bunker
beneath the arena.

From there, he can regain
control over all of Titan.

I can handle the drones.
You guys go after Thanos.

[ROCKET] Fine, but we ain't
splittin' the reward with ya!

Aah!

Dad!

I'm fine.
Just need a minute.

Just trust me.

Not my first rodeo either.

[AUTOMATED VOICE] Planetary
defense system online.

[ELECTRICITY ARCING]

[CRIES OUT]

Sorry we're late.

Another irritating obstruction.

[GRUNTS]
[YELLING]

[GRUNTING, GROANING]

[YELLS]

[GRUNTING]

Hope this doesn't lower
his mint-condition value.

[YELLS]

Insolent rodent!

What?

Ha! Not exactly what I planned,
but still... teamwork.

And pathetic teamwork at that.

[GROOT YELLS, GRUNTS]

I... am... Groot.

[GROOT THUDS]
[FOOTSTEPS]

Serve me or succeed me, daughter.

Either way,
you cannot escape my legacy.

I made you who you are.

You are the Most Dangerous Woman
in the Galaxy because Thanos wills it.

Do you remember this?

It's a Zen-Whoberi
Symbol of Harmony.

It's the part of me that you could
never mold into your image.

The part that seeks
to connect with others,

befriend them, protect them,
depend on them.

That's the woman my real family
willed me to be...

the woman I am.

[YELLING]

[YELLS]

[CLANGS]

[YELLS, GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]
[THUDS]

[THANOS] So, you are not a
worthy successor after all.

Pity. Your friends have only
delayed the inevitable.

An antimatter reaction will destroy
everything on the surface.

[ELECTRICITY ARCING]

And I will build my empire
upon the ashes,

just as I did
on the home world of the Groots,

cutting them down like the
weeds they were. [WHIMPERING]

[STRAINING]

I... am... Groot!

[ROARING]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

I... am... Groot!

[STRAINING]

[STRAINING CONTINUES]

[YELLS]

[GRUNTING]

I am Groot!

[BLOWS LANDING] Groot, stop!
You can't do this!

[GROOT GRUNTING] Hey, quit
damagin' the merchandise!

Defeat is revenge enough.

Groot, please.
Not like this.

I am Groot.

[AUTOMATED VOICE]
Warning. Antimatter reaction

in five,

four, three...

[DESCENDING WHIRRING]

[ELECTRICITY ARCING]
[PANTING]

[NOVA PRIME] I know the Guardians'
relationship with the Nova Corps

has been... irregular.

But I congratulate you all.

Not only for bringing a
galactic criminal to justice,

but for rescuing one of Nova's finest.

Welcome back to the Corps,
Centurion Jesse Alexander.

Thank you, Nova Prime,

but I think it's time
to pass my helmet on.

And since the Corps has
seen fit to train my son...

Who, I might remind you,
deserted his post

with a wanted fugitive.

Which led directly to my rescue

and the capture of several
dozen more wanted fugitives.

You make an excellent point.

Well done, Centurion Sam Alexander.

Make me proud, son.

I will, Dad.

I would ask that you show
mercy to these warriors.

Many have been twisted
by the will of Thanos.

But despite
the evil deeds of their past,

they remain good people.

He's talking about you.

I get it, Quill.

I am Groot.

Thank you.

Hey, I guess you really are
Drax the Destroyer now, huh?

'Cause you totally destroyed Thanos!

I no longer require that name.

From now on,
you may call me Drax the...

Just Drax.

Clearly, I need to work
on this new title.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is all very inspiring.

Now, how about forkin' over
our reward units?

I'm afraid I can't do that.

What? After all this hassle,
we still don't get the bounty?

I can't hand it over
because the reward units

have already been transferred
to your accounts.

Hmm...

[BEEPS]
[LAUGHS]

Holy krutack!
We're flargin' rich!

[DEVICE SHATTERS]