03x26 - Just One Victory

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Guardians of the Galaxy". Aired: September 2015 to June 2019.*
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"Guardians of the Galaxy" picks up where the film left off and they patrol the universe protecting it from various villains that thr*aten it.
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03x26 - Just One Victory

Post by bunniefuu »

[Groot narrating]
I am Groot. I am Groot!

I am... I am Groot.
I am Groot.

I am Groot. I am Groot.
I am Groot.

I am Groot!
I am Groot.

I... am... Groot!

I am Groot.
I am Groot.

[Rocket] What Groot means
to say is, this is Rocket's

List of Grievances Number
in an ongoing series.

So, Odin's no-good brother,
the Serpent,

took control of the World Tree
and conquered Asgard.


No! No!

How come?
Oh, no reason,

except to drain all the life energy

out of every planet in the galaxy.

[Quill] Okay, enough griping.
This is Star-Lord's

Super Awesome Adventure Log!

Okay, so we scoured the galaxy
for heroes to help us save Asgard.

I mean, we had a Hulk.
How cool is that? [straining]

[muffled straining]

[Rocket] Only that didn't
work out quite like we planned.

[Drax] Cease this annoying bickering
while I present... Drax Facts.

We went to Hela,
Queen of Asgard's Fallen,

to reforge Dragonfang,
the only w*apon capable

of defeating the Serpent
in glorious combat!

And what happened, Draxy?


[Drax] That did not
work out as planned.

I am Groot!

[Rocket] Then we busted
outta there with Dragonfang.

- Yeah, I was getting to that.
- [Quill] That's the most important part!

[Rocket] Don't tell me
how to list my grievances!

[Gamora] You're all wasting your breath.

- As in, this ship is literally running out of oxygen.
- I am Groot.

How we gonna hitch a ride?
We're in the middle of nowhere.

And I don't mean
the giant Celestial head.

I am Groot!

[Rhomann Dey]
Attention, Asgardian Skiff.

You are obstructing Nova Corps activity.

Please clear the area.

Rhomann Dey! Unh!

Finally, a space cop
when you need one.

[Dey] You're lucky I ran into you guys.

All Nova Corps units
have been dispatched

to subdue some kind
of disturbance on Asgard.

I was on my way there
when I found you.

But I can't raise any of the
other corpsman over the comm.

That's because
the battle's already over.

[Rocket] And guess who lost.

Nova Corps!
Nova Corps lost this battle.

Was my guess incorrect?

[Quill] Looks like the Serpent
went a little overboard

with the World Tree landscaping.

He also has the Bifrost.

Which means he'll be able
to siphon the life

out of every planet in the galaxy.

No idea what you're talking about.


Well, that oughta give you a clue!

[glass cracking]

What are those things?
[computer trilling]

They appear to be large insects
impervious to w*apon.

Let's see if they're
impervious to restraints.


[all yelling]

[groans] Yeah, I'm gonna go
with "impervious to restraints."

Then we need to h*t their master

with the one thing
he's not impervious to.

I am Groot.
[cries out]

Oh, how many times
I gotta tell ya?

- Dragonfang ain't safe for trees!
- And Asgard isn't safe for us.

We'll need a fleet
to fight this thr*at.

Several fleets, in fact.

Which means we'll need the
support of the Galactic Council.

[Nova Prime] The Galactic Council
cannot support

- an att*ck on Asgard.
- [Quill] Aw, come on!

The Rigellian, Spartaxian, and Kree
empires are currently under siege.

All m*llitary resources must be directed
to the defense of their own planets.

Aw, well, that was useful.

And by "useful," I mean a
complete flargin' waste of time!

[Quill] Oh, I know someone
who might be able to help.

You're not gonna like it.

- I knew you would come to me.
- Hey, Thanos.

So, we were in the neighborhood,
and... It's a funny story.

Remember how you said,
"The end of everything approaches"?

I also recall saying, "Nothing
you can do will prevent it."

Does this look like nothing?
I will answer for you.

It does not.
It looks like a sword.

Hm, not just any sword.

I would recognize the enchantment

of that beguiling creature
Hela anywhere.

- You know her?
- I'm a great admirer of her work.

I might consider helping you
in exchange for her sword.

- I am Groot.
- Yeah. No deal.

- Suit yourselves.
- Seriously?

You're just gonna sit back
and let someone else destroy the galaxy?

The whole galaxy?

I want her to ask me.
My daughter and true heir.

Father, I beg of you,
prove to the galaxy

that the mighty
Thanos is capable of anything,

- even an act of good.
- An intriguing challenge.

I really hope you guys
know what you're doing.

[digital humming]

[shackle clangs]

Yeah. We do.

Make a move on anybody
other than the Serpent,

and you get the zap, like so!

[cries out]


[Thanos] I feel much more
like myself in this armor.

Not sure if that's a good thing
or a bad thing.

Perhaps it is, as you are
fond of saying, a bit of both.

[Quill] There's Asgard.

We're gonna need a way to
bust through those vines.

- Any suggestions?
- [Thanos] Allow me.



I am Groot.

Thanos is a brutal, power-mad despot

upon whom I have
sworn eternal vengeance. [grunting]

But he knows how to throw a punch.



- Oh, that's not good.
- Wait for it.




The Serpent's so busy sending his
att*ck bugs to fight off Thanos,

he won't even know we're here.

Apparently he can multi-task.

[Quill] Abandon ship!
Before we're plant food!

[sword bl*ws landing]

[Drax grunting]
Heed well, Serpent!

Drax will not be stopped
by foliage!

This isn't just foliage.
It's a delivery system.

The Serpent is using it
to feed off of life energy

his bugs steal from other planets.


Yo, Wrinkles! Got some new
targets for you to punch!

You sure he heard you?

[Thanos screaming]

Ohh, yeah.

These creatures
are bursting with life.

I despise life.

- Who dares interrupt my meal?
- I am Groot!

Thanos dares.

[insect creature buzzing]


So, the Mad Titan
Thanos himself

at my doorstep.

This is indeed a pleasant surprise.

I look forward to defeating you.

[Drax grunts, yells]

You are the one who will be
defeated this day, Serpent!



You are no thr*at to me, mortal.

This sword, however...

[Quill] Is not going
into your slimy hands.

Rocket, catch!

[sword clangs on ground]
Eh, flarg.



Okay, Serpie. Dance-off.
You and me, bro.

I do not dance.

This sword was forged
by my brother, Odin,

and enchanted by Hela,
Queen of Asgard's Fallen.

It was designed to slay me,

yet it failed,
shattering at my touch.

I don't imagine you mortals
will be so fortunate.


I will consider myself warned.

As you Guardians are so fond
of saying, "you're welcome."

I am Groot.

Thanos, you will pay
for your insolence!

The World Tree serves
at my command!

It feeds me...

with the life energy of its captives.

All the might of Asgard!

You are not the only one capable
of siphoning energy, Serpent.

- [Quill] Who knew he could do that?
- Thanos knew.

[Quill groans]
What? Was my guess incorrect again?

[both yell]


[Rocket] Huh. I can't believe
I'm rooting for the purple guy.

[Gamora] My father may be many things,
but ineffective isn't one of them.



[Thanos grunts]

You cannot wield life energy, Titan.

You oppose life.

You are better suited
for Hela's domain than mine.

You fear Hela's dark
power, Asgardian. [yells]

That is why her sword can defeat you!


That is why I will defeat you!

I... am... Groot.


Pity you don't have her sword now.



Oh, that's really not good.

Now to finish that from which
I was so rudely interrupted.

Oh, yeah? Then where's your
sword, nature boy? Burn.


Where is Dragonfang?

I... am... Groot!

Feeble weed.

You can barely touch
Dragonfang, let alone wield it.

- Who do you think you are?
- I am Groot!


No! Aah!

[all yell, grunt]

Clearly, I underestimated you, sapling.

You possess the potential for power

- to rival the World Tree itself.
- I am Groot?

Think of how we can
rule the galaxy

if we wield
that power together.

I am Groot!

Very well.

If you will not join me,
I will feast on your life energy!

I... am... Groooot.

You will not be, once I've
drained you of your life energy.

[grunts] Aaahh!

[Quill] I think you've had
a little too much, Serpent.

I'm gonna have to cut you off.


[Drax] It appears it will be the
Serpent who will do the cutting.

Then we'll do the blasting!

I'll show ya blasting!



[all yell, grunt]

I am Groot!

[yells, grunts]

I... am... Groot!


[groans] This battle is
extremely frustrating.

It's like he can see our att*cks
before we make them.


Now he can't see anything.


He's missing the best part.


I am Groot. I am Groot.
I am Groot!

So, the Serpent
is connected to the World Tree,

and the only way to sever that
connection is with Dragonfang?

- I am Groot.
- [Quill] Let's move!

We gotta punch that sword

all the way into the World Tree
before the Serpent wakes up!

I am Groot!

[all straining]



I... am... Groot.


[all grunt]

I am...

It's over, twig.
You've failed!

I am Groot.

No! No!



[ascending whirring]



[communicator beeps]

- Did we stop the Serpent?
- [Thor] Verily...

Lord of the Stars.

Thor! Odin!
What's happening?

What is happening

is you have saved
everyone in Asgard

- and all the Nine Realms.
- Perhaps not everyone.

[Rocket] Groot!

Ohh. You sacrificed
everything to save us, bud.

Not as long as I am All-Father
of this realm.


I am Groot!

You mind? I'm, uh, trying
to have a moment here.

Wait. You're alive?
You're alive! [muffled grunting]


[Odin] My brother,
the Serpent, is defeated

and his captives freed.

Asgard once again owes
a mighty debt of gratitude

to the Guardians of the Galaxy.

And once again, Asgard completely
ignores my contribution.

I saved the Bifrost.
I found Dragonfang.

I'm just as much hero,
if not more.

Loki? Hero?

- It is not in your trickster nature.
- Aw, give him a break.

He's a trickster and a hero.

- You know, a bit of both.
- I am Groot!

Even my father, Thanos, the
most evil being in the galaxy,

proved he was capable of good,
if just once.

Take 'em all.
You've earned 'em.

I... I don't know what to say.

I do.
Let's show these Asgardians

how to par-tay!

I am Groot. I am Groot.

I am Groot.

I am Groot!

- I am Groot.
- Who are you talking to?

I am Groot.

I am Groot.
[laughs] I am Groot.


I guess this is all I have
to remember you by now, Yondu.



Ow! And you still found
a way to be a pain in my butt!

Corn dogs.

Drax knows of no greater
delicacy in the universe.


Uh, wha...

[both laughing]

[Gamora] Hello, Collector.

Did you really think
we'd forgotten about Heimdall?


I've wanted to meet you
for a long time...

Hela, Queen of Darkness.

[Iron Man] It is my honor
to introduce to you today

our allies from the cosmos.

- Just think of us as Space Avengers!
- I didn't say that.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the Guardians of the Galaxy.

[crowd cheering]

Peter Jason Quill!
Right here!

Where have you been
for the last years?

- We all wanna know.
- Grandpa?

So you do remember
your last living relative.

So, what's your excuse for not calling?

Oh, let me guess.
They don't have phones in space.

Well, the thing is, I've kind of
been busy saving the galaxy and stuff.

"Hi, Grandpa. Oh, boy!
It's Pete. I missed you so much.

I just wanted to let you know
I'm not d*ad.

I hope you haven't been
worrying yourself sick

searching in vain for me
every day of your life."

- Come on! Is it that hard?
- Um, it's been great to see you.

Do you think we could talk
after the press conference?

Oh, sure. The Avengers...
you've got time for them.

But your own flesh and blood?

Didn't they teach you
any manners in space?

You get over here.
Get... Come on.

- Come with me. Come on.
- Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow!

I like this guy.
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