[ Fiendish laughter ]
Hey, cheryl!
Hey!
Oh, you're making
halloween costumes.
Oh, i can't wait
till i have kids.
You know, handmade costumes
are really the way to go.
Yeah, i gotta tell you,
it's a lot of work.
Oh, cheryl, i'd pay you.
Dana, you know, when
they're your own kids
And you see them
looking up at you
With those
sweet little faces
And you hear them
talking to you
In those
sweet little voices...
[ thud ]
Gracie, would you stop
Jumping off
the freaking stairs?!
[ Sighs ] so, what are you
going as for halloween?
Desirable woman
going to waste.
I have to work.
Oh, you're not coming
trick-Or-Treating with us?
No, there's a project due,
And everyone with kids
gets to go home early,
So it's just me
and the lesbian
in accounting.
Whoa. Are you guys
talking about lesbians?
Yeah, jim.
We talk about lesbians
whenever you're not in the room.
I knew it!
Did you take
the trash out?
Well, uh, kind of.
All right,
don't say no yet.
Oh, boy.
The bag broke...
and i was gonna pick up
the chicken bones,
And i thought,
"wait a minute.
Chicken graveyard."
It's spooky!
What do you think?
I think you get
more into halloween
than the kids do.
Oh, i love it!
I do! I do!
It's all that
free candy, baby!
You know,
sticking it to the man!
No matter how much
our neighbors hate me,
When they see me
with my kids
at the door,
They have
to give me candy!
It's the law.
[ Jim laughs ]
Gracie: mommy!
Daddy! There's dogs
on our front lawn!
Damn it!
They're eating
my decorations.
Gracie!
Did you jump off
the stairs again?
No.
I think you did,
And i have told you
a hundred times not to.
Jim, will you tell her
not to jump off the stairs?
Don't jump off
the stairs.
Thank you.
Now that's .
If you do it again,
young lady,
You are gonna
be very sorry.
Why can't i jump?
On, honey, because
you could fall down
and hurt yourself
Like mommy did.
Well, so much for
my chicken graveyard.
Oh, don't worry,
jim.
I'm sure you can
make another one
by lunch.
Ha ha ha ha.
That's really funny...
yet no man wants you.
Honey, there's dog vomit
all over the lawn.
I know. I know.
Don't touch it.
I've got an idea.
Hah!
Oh, baby.
Aaaay!
Happy halloween,
Nerd.
You know, we got a meeting
with the fergusons in an hour.
I thought
that was tomorrow.
Well, it was...
till i changed it.
Aaaay!
Here.
That came for you.
It was in the front.
"Someday
you'll be mine forever.
A secret admirer."
Ooh! Secret admirer!
Stud muffin!
You're the man!
Thanks for
pretending to care.
You're welcome.
It's a doll...
of me.
Wow.
Some freak went to
a lot of trouble for this.
I think it's sweet.
Someone really wants me.
Dead.
Wow.
Fergusons in an hour,
right?
[ Fiendish laughter ]
Jim: oh, you girls
look great.
So you're a waiter?
Yes, i am.
Would you like to look
at our special tonight?
Boo!
[ Gasps ]
Oh, my goodness,
it's my favorite dish --
Gracie face.
[ Smooches ]
You know what, sweetie?
It's a little
chilly out.
Would you go upstairs
and grab your sweater?
Atta-Girl.
Thank you.
Wow, cheryl,
you look great.
No, i mean,
you really look great.
You do, too.
Really? You like it?
It's my wedding tux--
Still fits.
Yeah,
like a paint job.
Hey, kyle, my man!
This is
your first halloween!
What is he?
Isn't he adorable?
He's a pea pod.
A pea pod?!
I mean, an evil,
body-Snatching pod.
Oh, good.
That's better.
Don't even think
about it, gracie.
[ Mockingly ]
don't even think about it.
You don't think
i'm serious?
Just try me.
I am the adult here.
I am the boss.
[ Mockingly]
i'm the boss.
You are really pushing it,
young lady.
Don't you dare
jump off that step!
All right!
That's it! I warned you.
No trick-Or-Treating!
[ Gasps ]
[ gasps ]
I hate you!
So just i'm going?
Yeah, honey.
Yay!
Cheryl, what was
that all about?
I-I-I don't know.
I-I was mad.
It just came out.
But you saw her.
She's totally
out of control!
I know, but it's halloween!
It's trick-Or-Treating!
[ Doorbell rings ]
Jim, i have begged,
i have pleaded,
I-I've given her
time-Outs.
Nothing works.
I had to do something.
I know, but you don't take
away a religious holiday!
Trick or treat!
Trick or treat!
Hey, how you doin', brian?
Good, jim.
What's that,
uh, what's that
in your front yard?
That's a ghost...
with shoes!
Spooky, huh?
You know, al krennis
across the street,
He's got a skeleton
in a coffin.
Well, he's also got a son
in a drag show.
Happy halloween!
[ Telephone rings ]
Hello, ground-Up design,
andy speaking.
[ Distorted voice ]
hello, andy.
Who is this?
You took me out
five years ago.
That could be anybody.
You took me to dinner
and a movie.
Claudia?
Yes.
I never heard
from you again.
Why didn't you
call me, andy?
You should
have called me!
I'm sorry.
You seemed
a little, well, nuts.
And you know what?
I think i made
a good call on that one.
[ Dial tone ]
Hello?
[ Pager beeps ]
"Nice costume."
[ Computer beeps ]
You've got mail.
[ Gasps ]
[ Sighs ] ooh!
[ Fax beeps ]
Oh, my god!
Hello, officer? Hi, yes,
i-I think my life is in danger.
Th-There's this girl
who's sending me love notes
and smiley faces and dolls.
Yes, thank you. I --
Wait a minute.
There's no valentine squad.
[ Fiendish laughter ]
I don't know why
i'm being punished.
I didn't
do anything wrong.
I mean,
our costumes are great.
I don't even know
if this is gonna fit
next year.
Come on, grapes,
don't be sad.
Hey. Ready
for a corn chip race?
One...two...
three...go!
Mmm.
Come on,
i'm winning! Ohhh!
Come on!
Come on!
Don't be mad at me.
This is your mom's thing.
She's the bad guy.
Hey,
you wanna hear a joke?
[ Laughs ] no, i
can't tell you that one.
Maybe if i clean it up.
[ Laughs ]
no, i can't do it.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Trick-Or-Treaters!
Come on, let's
go give them candy.
Come on, gracie.
Come on,
get in your thing.
Come on,
get in your thing.
Now remember...
when i say
"special tonight,"
you say...
boo.
Boo. That's right.
Trick or treat.
[ Chuckles ]
oh, wow. You scared me.
Well, would you be
interested in our...
special tonight?!
Boo.
Hi, gracie.
Hi, emma.
Wow, you guys
are really brave.
I mean, you walked right
past that ghost with shoes.
My dad says you're crazy.
Oh, he did, did he?
Where did he tell you that--
In a bar?
Daddy, when can we go
trick-Or-Treating again?
Oh, i don't know,
honey.
Maybe next year.
How many minutes
is a year?
I don't know.
Nobody knows.
Aw, you're k*lling me, baby.
Maybe we can
go to one house.
Really?
I don't know. Mom said
no trick-Or-Treating.
Ok.
You know what, though?
If we just go to one house
and show them our costume,
That's not trick-Or-Treating
technically.
And if they give us candy...
it would be rude
not to take it, right?
I love you, daddy!
I love candy.
Let's go!
All right, honey,
We went to a few more houses
than i thought we should,
But the good news is
we beat mom home.
Trick or treat.
You, upstairs.
You're the boss.
Not you.
Really?
'Cause it looked like
you were looking at me.
Are you sure?
Maybe 'cause she's--
No. You.
[ Clears throat ]
Let me ask you
something.
On what planet
Is trick-Or-Treating
considered a punishment?
Oh, come on, cheryl.
We just went
to a couple of houses.
We took that from a kid.
Jim, you have completely
undermined my authority.
Come on, cheryl.
It's not like
she's gonna be doing this
the rest of her life.
It's just a stage.
She's gonna grow out of it.
You know what? I am sick
of being the bad guy.
Well...then why don't you
try being a little nicer?
And you know what, honey?
This would be
a good time to start.
You know, i am home alone
with them all day
Just trying
to set some boundaries,
And you come home after work
and you just tear them down.
Mr. Fun dad, with your jokes
and your games
And your secret
jelly doughnuts
before dinner.
How do you know
about those?
I empty your pockets
before i do the wash.
Now, i need you
to back me up more
and enforce my rules.
Well, honey,
what if i don't agree
with all your rules.
That doesn't matter!
We need to present
a united front,
Or the kids are gonna
take over our house!
Oh, come on, honey.
Take over the house?
You're overreacting.
H-How come
every time we disagree,
I'm overreacting?
Because...
you're the bad guy.
So he goes behind my back,
But somehow i'm the one
who's overreacting.
Can you believe that?
I still can't believe you went
on a second date with him.
Okay, cheryl.
The problem is solved.
I just talked to gracie,
And i told her even though
we went trick-Or-Treating,
She still has to listen
to her mother.
Oh, good. I'm sure
that solved
everything.
So you can thank me
in...bacon.
Morning.
Andy, please,
put those away.
What are you
doing here?!
I s-Slept
in the back room.
I'm afraid the stalker
will show up at my place.
Damn this body.
It's a freak magnet.
[ Chuckles ]
it's almost too easy.
What is?
[ Distorted voice ]
hey, fonz, this is claudia.
You're dead. Aaaay!
You're
the stalker?!
Yes!
Why would you
do this to him?
Because he is
so mean to me.
Last april fools',
He called me and told me
aunt charlotte died.
She did.
Ooh.
Well, i'm in a groove.
I can't stop now.
[ Thud ]
That could be anything.
[ Thud ]
The house settling.
[ Thud,
glass shatters ]
Gracie: i didn't do it.
I'm going. I'm going.
Gracie...
gracie, did you knock over
the lamp i hate?
No!
Are you lying?
No!
Ruby?
She did it.
Nobody likes a snitch.
All right, gracie.
Go up to your room.
No!
Gracie, i'm not
gonna tell you again.
One...
two...
i count.
You don't count!
Three.
All right,
that's it, that's it.
Nope, you're in a time-Out,
And you're not going to
britney's birthday party
on saturday!
I hate you!
Yeah?
Well, get in line.
Was that "i hate you"
i just heard?
Yeah.
Oh, then
you did it right!
Thank you, honey.
What did you do?
I gave her a time-Out.
Good.
And i told her she can't go
to britney's birthday party
On saturday.
No, no, jim.
You can't do that.
Britney just moved in.
She only has two friends.
Gracie's half the party!
We'll send ruby.
She doesn't
even know ruby.
Come on.
They're little girls.
They all look alike.
No, jim, really,
The whole family
is gonna hate us.
You have to undo this.
Cheryl, don't ask me
to do something,
Then tell me the way
i did it was wrong.
I mean, it's
like our honeymoon
all over again.
Oh, i know. I'm sorry.
I know
britney's very upset.
Hey, you know,
i have an older daughter
who could come.
Yeah, yeah, i'll hold.
What a mess.
What's going on?
Well, the other
little girl got sick,
So if gracie doesn't go,
They have to cancel
britney's party.
Nope. I don't care.
Yeah, hi, hi, donna.
Oh, i know. I know.
It-It -- I know.
Give me the phone.
Let me handle this.
Hello. Yes, this
is gracie's father.
Yeah, listen --
Please
don't do that.
Hi, britney.
Happy birthday,
sweetie.
No, no, gracie
doesn't hate you.
No, she doesn't.
No, she doesn't.
No, she doesn't.
Britney,
please don't cry.
Okay, gracie will
be there saturday.
Okay. New plan.
All right.
All right,
we'll tell gracie
She can go to
britney's birthday
on saturday,
But no soccer
on sunday.
Ah! That's good.
She loves soccer.
Gracie, come here,
sweetie.
Okay...
you wanna tell her,
or you want me to do it?
No, you do it.
You need the practice.
Tell you what, you do it,
and i'll take out the trash.
No, you won't.
I know.
Gracie...
come on in here.
Sit on the couch,
gracie.
Mommy and daddy want
to tell you something.
We're gonna let you
go to britney's party.
Yay!
Don't "yay" so fast, ok?
'Cause you're
still being punished
For not listening
to mommy and daddy.
So...
no soccer on sunday.
Oh, we can't do that.
Sunday's trophy day.
What do you got monday?
Karate.
No karate.
She hates karate.
Then, by god,
you're going to karate.
Jim, this isn't working.
Why don't we take away
friday night?
Friday?!
We can't do that.
That's
spaghetti factory night.
Well...
[ sighs ]
Could i go now?
Yeah, sure, go.
Well, all right.
What do you think?
I think...
i'm gonna try
the ravioli this time.
[ Thud ]
Oh, what is she doing now?
You know what? I give up.
No, no, no.
No, cheryl, no,
you don't give up.
You gotta think.
Think.
What would
good parents do?
Hi. We're sorry
to bother you.
Yeah, we live
down the block.
Oh, yeah, you're
the guy that stole
my newspaper last year.
Uh...i-I thought
you were out of town.
Why did you run away?
Now, that was
another guy.
You know,
if he was running,
It really
wasn't jim.
Uh, [clears throat]
listen...
the reason we're here
Is that my daughter gracie
would like to say something.
Gracie?
I'm bad.
Here's the candy.
I don't get it.
Well, she's bad...
and, uh...we're giving
her halloween candy back
To teach her a lesson.
Would you just
take the candy?
No!
Come on, man, just--
Just take the candy.
Hey, don't drag me
into your freak show.
Look, just take
some candy back, man!
I don't like candy!
I don't eat it!
Well, you're eating
something,pork chop!
Hold it.
Gracie, would you
sit right there
for a minute, please?
[ Sighs ]
you go.
I always go.
You go.
You never go.
I know.
Gracie...
listen.
Do you know
why we gave
the candy back?
I don't know.
Can i wear
my pink pants tomorrow?
Sure, honey.
Yay!
Should i
have said no?
[ Chuckles ]
i don't know, honey.
[ Chuckles ]
You gonna eat
that whole thing?
Ah!
Mmm.
You keep it.
Ohh.
[ Fiendish laughter ]
Thank god
you guys are here.
What is this about?
He was harassing
a woman--
A claudia noonan.
[ Gasps ] oh, my god.
I went to her place
just to talk.
She wouldn't
answer the door,
So i kicked it in.
And then she goes ahead
and calls the cops
Like i'm the nutjob.
It was me.
It was a halloween prank.
Claudia wasn't stalking you.
I was.
You're going to have to come
down to the station with me.
What?
Wait a minute. Guys!
It's okay. We'll follow
you down, and we'll
bail you out.
I can't go to jail!
They have toilets in
the middle of the room!
Oh, no, i--
I can't
believe that.
What are we
gonna do?
[ Both laugh ]
Was that
a real cop?!
He's a stripper.
Really?
I didn't say
he was good.
Jim: cheryl!
There's a naked cop
dancing on our lawn!
I know, honey.
Ignore it.
Jim: okay!