All right.
We got the shepherd here.
We got the angel here.
We got wise man, wise man....
And sammy sosa.
Jim, honey,
we really need to
get another wise man.
Actually, I was thinking of
turning those two wise men in
For a cleanup and a closer.
Oh, this is impossible.
It's too tangly.
All right, let me see.
I can work with this.
Okay, come on, snowflakes.
Let's go outside.
Come on, girls.
Uh-huh.
Huh?
Ahhh.
What's that supposed to be?
Well, it's, uh...
The star of bethlehem.
Ahhhh.
Ahhhh.
You can't just
leave it like that.
Well, honey, then,
you can take them in
and untangle them.
Ahhhhhh.
Hah!
Oh, baby.
This is your grandma when she
was your mommy's age.
And this is your daddy
when he was your mommy's age.
What's that
on daddy's head?
Hair.
Hey.
I got hair.
I just don't comb it
forward anymore.
Pick it up. My mom's
gonna be here in hours.
You still need to polish
all the cocktail forks.
You know, I recovered a
game-winning fumble in ' .
Swear to god.
Andy: hello,
everybody!
Hey.
Hey, cheryl,
I need to change
For the kiwanis
christmas party.
Mind if I use
the bathroom?
Yeah. Go ahead.
Just don't use
the little towels...
Or the toilet paper
or the toilet.
Look at you.
Wife crackin' the whip,
milady?
Actually, a little later on--
stick around--
I'm gonna wax my legs.
Unh-unh. That hurts.
Why can't your mom just stay
in a hotel
Like she does
every other time?
Well, because the holidays
are tough on her
Since my dad,
you know, left us.
Cheryl, my dad left us
On a -year search
for a pack of smokes.
Your dad died.
And, you know, come on,
It's been two years,
cheryl.
It's okay
to say the "d" word now.
Whatever.
My mom is coming.
We're gonna
make the best of it.
Now get back to
polishing your silver.
This is not mine,
because if it was my silver,
I'd be melting it down
right now.
Oh, look, it's mom and dad's
wedding picture.
Ohh.
Hey, see
that pearl necklace
Great-grandma
cheryl's wearing?
She gave it
to my mom,
My mom is gonna
give it to me,
And when you
grow up,
I am gonna give it
to you.
How come not me?
Because you're
the middle child,
And the middle child
doesn't count.
Girls, did you clean your room?
Yes.
Yes.
Girls, go clean your room.
[ Both whining ]
I know, I know.
Thank you, girls.
Ho ho ho!
Merry christmas!
See you later, andy.
My chestnuts are roasting
in this thing.
Uncle andy's
santa claus!
I know!
Your mommy thinks I give you
too many presents.
But I don't have to listen
to your mommy
Because I'm her mommy.
Yeah, mom, you really
didn't have to do that.
They're gonna get plenty
of presents from santa.
Really? We're gonna
get lots of presents?
Yeah, sure.
I want a dollhouse.
Yeah? Go tell it
to santa.
She just did.
And some for my girls.
Ahh!
[ Mouthing, no audio ]
Hors d'oeuvries!
Ooh, jim, nice fanning
of the crackers there.
Honest to god,
time was running out,
I was on the goal line,
everybody cheered.
Oh!
Oh!
I mean,
that was my chair.
No, no, no, that's okay!
No, no, no,
I hate this one.
Dana,
you look fantastic.
It's smart that you stay trim.
Men like that.
Really? Thank you, mom,
Because I was actually
thinking of going
another way, but--
But, you know, you really should
accentuate your bosom more.
You have such nice bosoms.
Am I right, jim?
Well, you know,
I really don't know,
maggie.
I'm an ass man.
Oh, cheryl...
Now, why do you hide your eyes
with those bangs?
Mom, everybody wears it
this way now.
Well, if everybody
jumped off a bridge,
Would you do that, too?
Today I would.
And there's my little kyle.
Does my peanut
want a peanut?
No, mom,
he can't have a peanut.
He could choke
or develop an allergy.
Oh, nonsense, honey.
I used to give you kids
peanut butter
All the time
when you were babies.
A little smear
around the nipple
Was the only way
I'd get andy interested
in the breast.
Dana: hey, you guys, look.
This is the ornament
that dad gave us
When you guys
went to london.
You remember, mom?
You know, I'd love
something cold to drink.
Uh...okay, mom.
What can I get you?
I'd, uh, love a glass
of tomato juice.
Okay, um, I'm just gonna
run to the store, and--
Oh, no, no.
You don't have to do that.
No, no, mom. It's okay.
I have every other juice,
just not tomato juice.
No, no, honey.
It's all right.
You know, I don't want
to be difficult here.
I'll just have some...
Carrot juice.
Uh...maggie,
I'll tell you what.
How about you and I
split a beer?
I'll take the inside.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Where do you come up
with these things?
I got a book
in the bathroom.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ohh! "I don't want
to be difficult.
I'll just have some
impossible juice."
Who has tomato juice?
Do you have tomato juice?
I don't even have
a tomato.
Well,
according to mom,
You have
very nice tomatoes.
Hmm.
Anyway, that's why
I'm no longer welcome
in canada.
[ Maggie laughing ]
Oh, thank you,
honey.
So, where am I
sleeping?
Oh, I thought that the girls
would sleep in kyle's room
And then you could sleep
in the girls' room.
Oh.
The girls' room.
Or you could sleep
in our room.
Or...you could sleep
in the girls' room.
Augh!
Unh!
How does anybody sleep
in this bed?!
No wonder gracie's
so damn grumpy
all the time.
Yeah, honey,
that's where she gets it.
Do you know
what my mother did tonight?
She washed the dishes.
Let's k*ll her.
No, no,
after I washed them.
It is so insulting.
Ohh.
Oh, it was so much easier
when my dad was here.
He was such a great buffer.
I liked him.
Yeah.
Hey, you remember
when we used to go to
restaurants together
And we would always
wrestle for the check
until he took it?
Cheryl, that is a mark
of a great man.
I don't know how
I'm gonna make it
through days.
I have an idea
that would keep
your mind off it.
Aah!
Jim!
Jim, this is
our children's room,
And my mother
is right down the hall.
Oh, keep talking,
keep talking,
keep talking.
She's gonna ruin
my christmas.
I wish
she'd stay in a hotel.
You know what?
How about if she stays
here with the kids
And we go to a hotel?
You know,
we can meet in the bar.
You could be...
Angelina jolie,
And I could be...
Well, if you're
gonna be her,
I'm gonna be me.
Good night, jim.
[ Squeak ]
That was not me.
[ Squeaking ]
Hey,
where are you going?
I'm going
to the kitchen.
If I can't sleep
or have sex,
I'm gonna eat.
[ Door closes ]
Ohh! Damn it, jim,
that was you!
Hey, maggie.
What are you doing up?
Oh, couldn't sleep.
Bed uncomfortable?
I mean, if you want to
switch rooms, that's okay.
Are you kidding?
That mattress
is perfect.
It's like sleeping
on a cloud.
Who's the big
raisinet eater?
Cheryl.
She did a beautiful job
with the bedroom,
though.
Yeah, well, you know,
it's nice.
It's not a hotel.
I mean, it doesn't have
an honor bar, you know.
And I mean,
the toilets are clean,
But they're not sanitized
for your protection.
Jim, are you trying
to get me to go to a hotel?
Well, maggie,
You know, I adore you.
And I just gotta tell you
that the truth is
It is a little crowded
here right now,
And cheryl and I
were just talking--
Cheryl?!
Yeah.
What?
Do you want me
to go to a hotel?
Huh?
I was just talking
to your mother
About how we were
discussing
That maybe it would be
easier for everyone
If she just stayed
in a hotel.
Is that true, cheryl?
No, mommy.
Jim: how could you
bail on me like that?
Close the door.
How could you tell my mother
to go to a hotel?
Cheryl, I was just
trying to help.
Besides,
now she's not going,
thanks to you.
And you know what?
That pie was for christmas!
She ate some, too!
Did she like it?
You are
out of your mind!
Cheryl, you have to
stand up to that woman.
I can't.
What, are you gonna be
years old
The rest of your life?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Yeah!
Do you have any idea
what you've done here?
Me?!
Yes, you!
Now, now, christmas
is gonna be a mess,
Just like thanksgiving,
halloween, and easter.
Yeah? Well, maybe
you need to take
a good look at yourself
And figure out
what you do
That makes me ruin
the holidays.
I mean. Cheryl--
J-j-jim, don't.
Really, just don't!
[ Sighs ]
You have a chair
stuck to your butt.
I'll get it
in the morning.
Hey, cheryl,
come on in!
We're opening up
maggie's gifts!
Yeah, mom, why are we
doing this tonight?
We haven't even wrapped
our presents for you yet.
Well, since I am
leaving for
aunt carolyn's tomorrow,
I thought
we'd do it now.
Ask santa.
You ask him.
Why are you
still here?
It's christmas eve.
You have to go.
In a little bit.
Now cut it out.
You're starting
to make me mad.
Both: we're sorry! We're sorry!
We're sorry! We're sorry!
We're going to bed!
Look! We're going to bed!
You are next, cheryl.
I wonder what that is.
Oh, well, that is yours.
Here's yours, cheryl.
Oh.
Dana?
Mom, isn't that
for ch--
Dana, take it.
Ooh.
Grammy cheryl's
pearl necklace.
Thanks, mom.
[ Blows kiss ]
Hey, cheryl, look--
grammy's pearl necklace.
What do you think?
Because if you had
something to say,
This would be the time
to do it.
Okay, then.
I guess everything's fine
with everybody.
Um...
Look! Cheryl's got
something to say!
You know full well that necklace
was supposed to be mine!
Look, I would rather not
discuss this right now.
Why?
Becau--
because I am your mother.
End of discussion.
N-no, no, no. No.
It's because
you're punishing me
Because you don't think
I want you here.
And you know what?
Why would I
When you make me feel
about this big--
With bangs?!
God, I am sick of it!
You know, maggie...
I wanted you to stay.
Ah!
Daddy?
Yes.
Did you finish
putting in
the batteries?
Whoo, honey,
it's gonna take a while.
This is really hard.
Hey, cheryl.
Boy, you sure took
a long shower.
You just missed your mom.
It was almost like
you didn't want to be
here when she left.
You ready for lunch?
Cheryl, come on.
It's : in the morning.
Okay!
How about
a turkey sandwich?
Okay.
So...we're just gonna
ignore everything?
You want mayo?
Both sides.
I'm sorry.
You shouldn't have mayo.
Then why
did you ask me?
I wasn't thinking,
all right?
Because you were thinking
about your mother.
[ Sighs ] fine.
Cheryl...
Never make sandwiches
out of anger.
Look, jim, I did what
you wanted me to do.
I told her how I felt.
I know, honey,
and you did good.
You really did.
You stood up to her.
But, you know, you had
your little tantrum,
And you stormed out.
You know, that's fun.
You know,
everybody likes to do that.
But, you know,
after you storm out, honey,
You have to come back.
You gotta finish it.
I can't.
Yeah, you can, honey.
You do it all the time
with me.
You don't let me
off the hook.
No. No, honey,
I mean, I can't.
She's gone.
Cheryl...
Your father is gone.
Your mother's at the airport.
All right. Let's go.
I'll call andy
to watch the kids.
And you're never gonna
hear me say this again.
Go put on some clothes.
Cheryl,
there she is.
What do I say?
Well, you can start
by saying,
"Really enjoyed you.
"It was nice that you came.
The kids really enjoyed you.
Jim prefers cash
at christmas."
Honey,
I'll figure it out.
Okay, good luck.
Oh, thank you.
What are you doing?
It's a good-luck kiss.
What?
Honey, we haven't
had sex for days.
Oh, honey,
can I have a dollar
for some pop?
Oh, sure.
No, no, no, no, no!
Yeah, it's a purse.
I'm a big old girl.
Hey.
Well, hi.
I'm surprised
to see you here.
So, you're off
to aunt carolyn's?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, mom,
I am sorry I said
those things,
And I'm sorry
I wasn't there
when you left.
Oh, that's not
what I came here
to say.
Mom, i-i just--
I didn't
want you to leave
without us being okay.
I'm a grown-up.
I'll get over it.
No, mom, you won't.
You won't.
You'll do exactly
what I do.
You'll ignore it.
And then next year,
you'll come back
And pretend
everything's fine,
And the same thing
is gonna happen
all over again.
Look, I'm not sure
what you want from me.
Mom, I just--
I want us to get along.
I want us
to be able to talk.
And I want to know
Why you gave
that pearl necklace
to dana.
Is it because
of the hotel thing?
Oh, no, honey...
Although it doesn't mean
that that didn't hurt
Like a red-hot poker
going through my heart.
Jim's idea, honest.
Look.
I didn't say anything then
because...
Look, I wanted to give dana
the necklace
Because she doesn't
have someone in her life
To buy her nice things,
you know,
To tell her
that she's special,
Like you have jim
And like I had your dad
before he left.
Died.
He died, mom.
I know.
You know, you really do
have beautiful eyes.
Oh, thank you, mom.
You have
your father's eyes.
And I miss him.
I miss him, too.
Can somebody please
take this purse?
I mean,
I know it matches
and everything,
But, you know...
Man on p.a.:
Flight now boarding.
That's me.
Well, we'll see you,
maggie.
Not if I see you
first.
Hey, you been
reading my book
in the bathroom!
Bye, cheryl.
Oh, bye, mom.
Bye, maggie.
Merry christmas.
You, too.
Ohh...
Thank you for
dragging me down here.
Well, I was coming
this way, anyway.
So...how did it go?
Ah, great. So great.
Turns out she gave
the necklace to dana
'Cause she thinks
she's a loser.
Merry christmas, baby.
Thank you.
[ Laughs ]