Hey, jim...
Jim!
Shh!
The game hasn't
even started yet!
We have to establish
a policy.
Last time,
you distracted me
With stuff
that had nothing
to do with the game.
I was choking
on a chicken bone.
At the top
of your lungs!
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
What are you doing?
Well, last time
the bears won,
The bowls were
just like this.
You mean half-empty
With your big
sausage fingers in them?
[Laughs]
[Chuckles]
That's great, dana.
Piece of chicken?
Oh, that is not funny.
I almost died, you know--
[Pretend choking]
you were coughing
like a chicken.
Kickoff!
Okay, you guys,
I'm taking ruby to ballet.
Remember, she has that recital
coming up.
Yeah.
Kyle's asleep.
Gracie's upstairs
Playing with her friends
emma and madison.
Okay.
Don't worry, they'll be fine.
I don't think
You'll even hear a peep
out of them.
Okay.
And we'll be back
in about an hour.
Bye-bye, guys.
Bye-bye.
All right!
Yeah!
[Girls
shrieking upstairs]
First down.
Now you can...
[Girls shrieking]
[Woof]
Cheryl!
Can you do something
with the kids?
Hah!
Oh, baby.
[Shouting
repetitively]
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Did you see that?
[Shouting and pounding
on piano continuing]
All right,
I can't stand it anymore!
This is why I'm not married!
Yeah, right. This is
why you're not married.
It's driving me
nuts, too.
You wanna go
to a sports bar?
Yeah.
Wait. Jim,
you can't go.
Why not?
They're your kids!
Not all of them.
They're your
responsibility.
Yeah, responsibility--
there's a racket.
Goodbye, jim!
Hey, hey, madison, madison,
madison, madison,
Stop jumping up and down
like that.
Gracie, gracie, gracie,
stop barking like a dog
And leave gary sinise alone,
please!
And you--
what's your name, honey?
What's your name?
Emma.
Emma, stop banging on
that thing, please.
I'm trying to watch--
...fakes the draw
to thomas.
Looking upfield,
he's got a man...
Go, go, go--
he's wide open!
...lets it fly...
Catch it!
...and it is intercepted
atmidfield.
No!
I think this is harper...
Stop him!
Stop him now!
No!
...he's got clear sailing,
folks.
They're not gonna catch him
today.
Touchdown--oh, baby!
[Telephone rings]
Hello?
Oh, hi, dorothy.
Hey, did madison have fun here
yesterday?
She did?
Well, come on.
How bad a word can it be?
I mean, she's only--oh.
Wow. That is bad.
Um, gee, I don't know what
could have happened.
I was here with them
for most of the time,
And then I left them with...
Dorothy, can I get
back to you on that?
Yeah, I'm really, really sorry.
Hey, listen, do you want to have
lunch sometime, because--
[Dial tone]
What was that about?
That was madison's mother.
Apparently madison's
been saying a new word
Since she was here yesterday.
What word?
Well, apparently,
she said...
[Grinding]
That's two words.
Yeah. Let's see...
I left them with jim,
you guys left,
And the bears were on.
Hmm. I wonder what
could have happened.
Well, you know,
you marry a st. Bernard,
You can't complain
about the slobber.
Well, hello,
my sugarplums.
Daddy!
Daddy!
Oh, my gosh. Did you girls
get more beautiful
Since I left this morning?
Yes.
Yes.
Did you bring us
something from work?
Yes, I did.
For you,
I have a pad of paper.
And for you, a coffee mug
that says "andy."
You mean it talks?
Yes, it does.
And so does the pad of paper.
So why don't you girls
go upstairs
And, uh...listen to them?
But you've gotta
give them a minute
Because they're shy.
Yay!
Yay!
[Telephone rings]
Yello?
Oh, hi, dorothy.
That's my new greeting--
you like it?
"Yello!"
Oh.
Well, some people
like it a lot.
Uh, really?
Oh, uh...yeah--
no, you're welcome.
Yeah. No problem.
I'll tell her.
Hey, honey.
Hey, uh, that was
madison's mother.
She just called to thank me
for apologizing.
What's that about?
About swearing
in front of madison.
Honey, you really
have to watch
your language
In front
of the kids.
So you apologized
For something I supposedly
said in front of madison?
Yeah. And I brought her
a plate of cookies.
Cookies?!
Why didn't you just tell her
that I was an idiot?
I did--when I gave her
the cookies.
Cookies?!
Okay, cheryl.
All right.
What word was it that
I supposedly said?
You said...
[Grinding]
That's two words.
Cheryl, you know what?
I can't believe you.
I can't believe you just
went and apologized.
You didn't even think
to ask me.
And then to do it
with cookies?
You know what?
That really hurts,
cheryl.
What kind were they?
Double chocolate chip.
Double chocolate chip?
Those cookies should've
never left this house!
Cheryl...
How can you just
automatically
believe her?
Well, honey, you know,
sometimes you say things
Around the house
or when you're driving
Or, you know,
when you miss a belt loop.
Oh, son of a--
see?
Honey...
Look, madison could have picked
that word up from anybody.
Everybody swears.
It's like peeing
in the shower.
What?
I don't know.
Come on. Why didn't
emma's mother call?
Why isn't gracie running around
the house using those words?
Did you ever think that maybe
madison picked it up
From her own father?
I mean, he's a truck driver,
for crying out loud.
Byron kim
is not a truck driver.
He's a violinist.
Violinist!
Please--they're the worst.
Jim!
Cheryl, come on.
You always take
the other person's side.
You always presume that
I'm the one that screwed up.
And when you presume,
You make an ass
out of you and me!
That's not the saying.
It's a saying?
Cheryl...
Y-y-y-you always take
other people's side.
You do.
You always talk about
how we're a team...
How we should stand up
for each other...
And you don't
do that for me.
Hey, honey,
where you going?
Dinner's
almost ready.
Cheryl...
I might not make it
down for dinner.
But in case I do,
I want chicken parmesan.
We're having salmon.
And mashed potatoes?
Rice.
I see.
Well, why don't you just
send the pizza boy
Up to the bedroom?
And make sure he knocks
this time.
Aunt dana, can I have
a taste of your coffee?
Yeah, sure, honey.
Dana, she shouldn't
have that.
What? There's no sugar in it.
Ick.
Hey, jim. Coffee?
Thank you.
No, thank you.
How are you?
Oh...i'm okay.
Yeah, I came up
to talk last night,
But you were
already asleep.
Did I finish the pizza?
Every last piece.
Good.
'Cause I was making
a statement.
Mmm.
What kind of statement?
If I could have found
the words,
I wouldn't have eaten
the pizza.
You know, jim,
I was thinking about
what you said last night
About us being partners
And that
you needed my support.
You were right.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Oh, honey,
I'm sorry.
That's all right, baby.
All right, come on, girls,
let's go watch tv.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Stay here.
I think it's important
for the girls to see
When a woman is wrong
and the man is right.
[Laughs]
And you know what?
It wouldn't hurt you either.
You're drinking my spit.
Mmm.
Now, see,
I think this is a time
When a lesser man might swear,
But not me, see,
because the children are here.
And when the children are here,
I don't do that kind of thing,
'Cause I wouldn't want them
to pick it up.
Cheryl, I am glad you are here
to witness it.
And, dana,
now I don't feel so bad
About putting my earwax
on your cinnamon bun.
You're bluffing.
Am i? [Chuckles]
Come on, ruby.
Let's go get your stuff
ready for school.
Oh, boy,
this is a good day.
[Clattering]
Oh...
[Dog barks]
Where did you learn
that word, honey?
Daddy.
Well, at least
she used it right.
Dana: cheryl!
No, no, no, no, no.
Come on, come on, come on.
Are you gonna believe
a -year-old?
I'm .
Really?
When did you turn ?
On my birthday.
That checks out.
Listen, come on.
She didn't pick
that word up from me.
Yes, I did, daddy.
You said it when you were
watching football.
Ohh, man.
Dana...
Mm-hmm?
Please, please
don't tell cheryl.
Oh, why not, jim?
I think it's important
for the girls
to see what it's like
When the woman is right
and the man is wrong.
And you know what?
It's good for me, too.
All right.
What do you want?
How about you pay me the $
you still owe me?
You wanted that back?
You write me a check
right now
Or I'm gonna go
in there and spill.
Dana,
I can't do that.
Cheryl's got
the checkbook.
Her purse is
right over there.
Dana, I am not gonna
go into her purse.
We have a little
thing in this family
called "trust."
Watch the door.
Honey, what are you doing
in my purse?
I was, uh, looking
for the, uh...
Apricot lip remedy.
Mmm! Apricoty!
All right.
Come on, sweetie.
We're gonna take
ruby to school.
No, you can't do that.
I'm gonna take her
to the work site with me today.
Why?
Because I think it's
about time she learned
What I did for a living.
She can't go on believing
that I'm really an astronaut.
Okay, let's go.
I have to go pee.
There's a bucket
in the truck, honey.
Yay!
Hey, jim, have you seen
my "andy" coffee mug?
Uh, yeah,
I gave it to ruby.
My college professor gave that
to me when I graduated.
His name was andy, too.
Oh, how sweet. I'll
be sure and tell ruby.
Hey, pumpkin nose.
Hey...
[Drilling]
Did she just say...
Yeah. Gracie...
Now, we talked about this
in the truck.
I told you
that is a very bad word
And we are never
to say that.
Even dad can't
say that,
Even if the bears
are losing, okay?
Can I have a doughnut?
Yes, honey, you can.
Go ahead.
Ohh, andy, she's gonna
always say that word.
No, she won't.
Yes. She's my daughter.
It's in the blood.
I don't know what to do.
You know, one time when my dad
caught me smoking,
He pulled out a pack
of cigarettes--
Made me smoke them all
right there.
I've never touched
a cigarette since,
And I'm a lot
better off for it.
Gracie, come on in!
What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna do
with gracie
What your dad
did with you.
Okay. I got a pack of
cigarettes in the drawer.
With swearing.
Right, right.
I got a doughnut
with sprinkles on it.
Oh, gracie, I was kinda
saving that for myself.
Here.
[Chuckles]
Oh, princess, you've
got a lot to learn.
Come here, gracie.
You wanna play a game?
Yeah.
All right,
let's play a game.
Remember that word
I told you
you couldn't say?
Uh-huh.
Well, you can say it
a whole bunch--
As much as you want.
Yay!
Okay,
but you can't stop
Until I tell you
to stop.
Okay.
Okay.
Ready...
Set...go.
[Drilling and hammering]
Look at gracie, huh?
She's been an angel.
She hasn't said
that word in five days.
We did it, jim.
Will you stop that?
I just love this piece.
Is this debussy?
I don't know.
I'm gonna have to check
The big book of crap
I don't care about.
Shh! My son's dancing.
Oh, that's right.
Your son is dancing.
Very nice, roland.
You hear that?
Roland.
Ruby?
Yay, ruby!
Ruby is going to show us
how to do a pirouette.
Pirouette--
that's a cookie.
Shut up!
Go, baby, go.
Oh...
[Sour notes on piano]
You know, roland said that word
yesterday.
I should have known it would
come from a guy like you.
Yeah,
nice going.
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Don't talk to my
husband that way.
Cheryl, cheryl,
please, it's okay.
No, jim. Everybody's
staring at you.
Cheryl, I'm an attractive man.
Now, calm down.
No. We're a team,
and I want to say
something.
I see the way you're
looking at him,
Like he swears in
front of his kids.
Well, let me tell you,
Nobody sets
a better example
for his children
Than my husband.
He is a compassionate,
caring, honest man.
That's me.
And I will not sit here
quietly while you judge him.
So, you know,
if you're looking
to point a finger,
Instead of pointing it
like this,
Why don't you try
pointing it like this?
Except I'm you
right now.
And it doesn't feel
very good, does it?
Did you even stop
to think
That maybe my daughter
learned that word
From one of your
children,
Who probably heard it
from you or you or you?
I heard it from gracie.
I heard it from daddy.
Isn't my wife hot?
[Sighs] all right, girls.
Go upstairs.
I want to talk loud
to your father.
No, no, no, girls,
stay right there.
Cheryl, they're gonna
be gone one day,
And we're gonna wish
we had this time back.
They're not gonna
protect you, jim.
Girls...
Come here, sleepy baby.
At least let me have
the boy.
Go ahead.
I can take you out
and still catch kyle
before he hits the floor.
You know, I'm willing
to take that chance,
But it's our only boy.
All right, jim.
Wait, wait, wait.
Cheryl, before you
start yelling,
I just want to say this,
okay?
Now, look, I know you were
really embarrassed back there.
And...in a way,
I blame myself.
But, you know, the funny thing
is that as bad as you felt
Is as good as I felt.
Cheryl, listen to me.
Hear me out.
I think I know
where I'm going now.
I just--
you know what, honey?
I've screwed up
in my life,
Gotten in a lot of trouble,
said things, done things,
Worn things...
And-and nobody...
Nobody's ever stood up
for me like that.
I mean,
not my mom, my dad--
Nobody.
Do you know how that
makes me feel?
It makes me feel
that I'm not alone.
It makes me feel like
I'm a guy worth defending.
And I just want you
to know that I just
adore you, honey.
I just think you're, like,
the coolest chick ever.
I think you're
pretty cool, too.
Yeah?
I'm feeling very close
to you right now.
Are you? Yeah?
I'm thinking maybe
we can get into some...
Very hot, steamy lasagna!
Oh, jim,
you are such a...
[Woof woof]
[Gasps]
Mommy!
Hey, gracie,
you wanna hear a new word?!
We're even.
[Knock on door]
Shh! Shh! Come in!
Hey.
Hey.
How much
do I owe you?
$ . .
Okay. Here's $ .
Keep the change.
Thanks.
Hey, that's not seven
different kinds of meat.
Yes, it is.
Baloney!
It's bacon...
Bratwurst.
Bratwurst...
Canadian bacon,
bacon bits...
Pepperoni--
that's four.
Steak--
What are you doing?
Who are you?
Oh, cheryl, this is ronnie.
Ronnie, this is cheryl.
Okay.
You can let yourself out.
He's got a key.
Ugh.