♪ Here's the story ♪
♪ Of a lovely lady ♪
♪ Who was bringing up ♪
♪ Three very lovely girls ♪
♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪
♪ Like their mother ♪
♪ The youngest one in curls ♪
♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪
♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
♪ They were four
men living all together ♪
♪ Yet they were all alone ♪
♪ Till the one day when ♪
♪ The lady met this fellow ♪
♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
♪ That this group ♪
♪ Must somehow form a family ♪
♪ That's the way they all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
♪ That's the way they
became the Brady Bunch. ♪
No more milk? No.
There's never anything
to eat around here.
Hey, how about some help
unloading the supply train.
Bought any cookies?
That's like asking Garcia
if he's got any messages.
Tomatoes?!
That's for grownups.
The good stuff's
always at the bottom.
Not always. Look what I got...
Checker trading stamps.
Whoops.
There must be two
pages worth here.
What are you doing there?
We're saving them.
So are we.
We've been saving them
ever since we were little kids.
PETER: Listen, we
only got about books
to go to get a rowboat.
Well, we're getting
something sensible:
A sewing machine.
Sewing machine?!
Ha!
That's for girls.
Well, what do you think we are?
All right, everybody, hold it.
I've been afraid of this
but as long as the
moment has come...
Who gets custody of these?
( all oohing)
Come on, kids.
That's it. Hurry up.
( sighs)
My feet hurt.
Listen, the next
time I take you two
to a department
store on bargain day
would you remind
me of something?
What, Mommy?
Not to.
Oh, the peace and quiet of home.
( kids shouting and arguing)
That doesn't sound very quiet.
And not very peace.
The word is "peaceful."
You two go on
upstairs. Hurry up.
GREG: Go ahead, give
one logical, intelligent reason
why you should
have all those stamps.
'Cause they come from groceries
and taking care of
groceries is a woman's job.
Yeah, well, eating
them is a man's job.
I think maybe I should've
kept my big drawer shut.
Greg, have you boys
been saving up
for something, too?
A silly old rowboat.
Well, now, Marcia, I don't
think a rowboat is silly.
You're darn right.
It's not like a dumb,
old sewing machine.
A sewing machine is
certainly not anything
that can be called dumb.
Hi, Dad. Hi, Dad.
Excuse me. I got to
see a dog about a bath.
Mom, we've always been...
Dad, you know how
long we've been saving.
There's a simple answer to this
that'll make everybody
happy... Split them up.
Of course.
Okay. But I'll do it.
Oh, no, you won't. I will.
Kids, kids... Okay,
we'll both do it.
Come on, for
goodness sakes, smile.
Your problem's solved.
Oh, see?
One big, happy family.
Now, where'd I put that brush?
Hey, come back here.
Here, Tiger.
Hey, you're getting
the floor all wet!
What's the matter
with you, Tiger?
You usually enjoy a bath
and believe me, this is
going to be a good one.
Yuck.
( sighs)
Hey, who took those two big
batches of stamps I had here?
Not me.
Well, did you see them, Bobby?
( grunts)
What's the matter?
I got to spit.
Blecch!
This is boring.
Not if you make pictures.
See? A horse.
MARCIA: Hey, I can't
find those stamps.
They were just here.
Okay, who took them?
Who took what?
A whole bunch of our
stamps just disappeared.
That's very interesting.
A bunch of our
stamps are missing.
You putting me on?
Did you see them, Jan?
Oh, pulling that one,
huh? Trying to make
it look like we
did what you did.
Well, if you want
to know what I think,
I think you did what
you just said we did.
Boys are tricky.
Okay, I think we've
had about enough of this.
It's one thing to be
selfish about these stamps
but to start accusing each other
of swiping them is something else.
But Dad,
they were right out
there on the patio.
Well, maybe the
wind blew them away.
It wasn't windy.
There's no breeze in here.
Someone must have taken them.
Right. They didn't
just walk away.
You want to bet?
Hey, that's right, he
was out on the patio.
He was in here, too.
Hey, those are my stamps.
They are not.
Yes, they are. Are not!
( kids shouting)
Oh, what are we going to
do about the kids, honey?
The way they were grabbing
those stamps from each other...
Well, Mike, didn't you ever want
trading stamps
when you were a boy?
When I was a boy, I didn't
know what trading stamps were.
Money either, for that matter.
Well, I must admit,
it does bother me that
they're taking sides.
Like enemy camps.
Look at them.
Underneath those friendly smiles
lurk the Hatfields
and the McCoys.
Mike... Yes.
Mike, yes, what?
I think I have an
idea, but... But what?
Well, sorry,
before it's official,
I have to get some approval.
All right, we'll start
with the girls first.
You couldn't care less
about a rowboat, right?
Who wants a rowboat?
Yuck!
Yeah, yuck!
Well, I'm sure the
boys feel the same way
about a sewing machine, right?
Right. A sewing machine's
not good for nothing.
Anything.
It is so good for something.
What? Sewing.
That's nothing.
Not as nothing as a rowboat.
Thank you very much.
You have just proved my point.
Now, wouldn't it be nicer
if we started treating
each other as one family
instead of "we,"
"they," "you" or "us"?
I guess so.
Yeah.
All right. Well, now, let's
all pitch in and put all
of our books together
and get one gift for the
benefit of the entire family.
Hey, we can get
something right away.
We've already got books.
And we've got .
That makes...
books.
No, it doesn't.
It makes... .
It's , and why don't
you both keep quiet
and let Mom talk.
Thank you, Peter.
Now that we're all in agreement
here are the catalogues...
One for you and one for you.
Oh, great, we can pick out
the best thing for all of us.
We can get something
wonderful for books.
Honey, it's a great idea.
The important thing is
they're picking it out together.
At least they're on the
same side for a change.
Dad? Mom...
Well, has the jury
reached a decision?
Yeah. Finally.
I'll bet you we went through
this catalogue five times.
Every time they
wanted something,
we wanted something else.
Until we finally
agreed on one thing.
Well, that's great.
Right. What'd you agree on?
To let Mom choose it.
Oh.
Is that okay, Dad?
Oh, well, sure, sure.
What do you mean, "Mom"?
Good. Now we don't
have to argue anymore.
Yeah.
Thanks a lot.
Well, now you've
solved their problem.
All you have to do is worry
about solving your problem.
What do you mean,
"your problem"?
Listen, you heard the minister
say, "for better or for worse."
It's our problem.
( mutters): Oh. Well...
Mike, I found it... the
ideal thing for everyone.
Great. What is it?
A grandfather clock.
A what?
A grandfather clock.
I heard you, I just
don't believe it.
Well, it's perfect.
I can just imagine
telling the boys
we're getting a
grandfather clock.
Well, we can put it in the hall
and then everyone can see it.
The boys don't look at clocks.
They say, "Dad,
what time is it?"
No, this isn't going to be easy.
There are... Hey,
here's the perfect thing.
Perfect for everybody,
boys and girls.
What is it?
A pool table.
A what? For girls?
Listen, when I was in college
I went out with a girl who
was a very good pool player.
I'm not interested in the
lurid women of your past.
Besides, I don't
know how to play pool
and neither do the girls.
Well, no sense in
staying up half the night.
You're right. Let's
get some sleep.
Good night, honey.
Good night, dear.
After all, what difference
can a day make?
CAROL: Good morning, Alice.
Might even say a
beautiful morning.
Morning.
There's something
there you ought to see.
From your tone, some
kind of bad news, right?
Right. Don't want to hear it.
I'm in too good a mood.
We decided to take our time
about those premiums
for the trading stamps.
Yeah, and if we
take long enough,
they may each
have books, right?
Wrong. Uh-oh.
Wrong it is.
Mike, what is it?
Oh, no.
Well, this family better
make up its mind, and quick,
or they'll be out of premiums.
We'd better break the
bad news to the kids.
REPORTER ( on radio):
And the company advised
redeeming their stamps
as quickly as possible,
with the last day of the
month the definite deadline.
To repeat, Checker
trading stamp corporation
announced late yesterday
redeeming their stamps
as quickly as possible...
I have the feeling the news
has already been broken.
Come on, you guys, we
got to pick out something
before that Checker stamp
place runs out of merchandise.
Girls, that's what's
making it rough.
It's easy to figure
out what boys want.
Maybe that's 'cause we're boys.
Now look, you guys,
whether we like it or not
Mom and Dad said we had to
pick out something we all want
and that includes the girls.
Hey, how about a diving board?
We don't even have a
swimming pool, dummy.
I know. That's what makes
it just as good for the girls
as it is for us.
Forget it.
Hey, how about a
set of electric trains?
You know, with switches
and tracks that crisscross?
For girls?
We can put curtains
on the windows.
Hey, yeah.
No.
No?
No.
Boy, Santa Claus
sure must have it rough
when he's got to
go to a girl's house.
Hey, how about a
nice, big hair dryer?
Cindy, boys don't
use hair dryers.
They should.
Boys have longer hair
than girls these days.
Hey. Wait a minute.
How about...? What?
No. Forget it.
Ah. Anything?
Not yet.
I sure wish they'd hurry
up and agree on something.
Well, they better, or they're
going to be redoing their rooms
with Checkered stamp wallpaper.
Excuse me, folks, I
thought you'd like to know
I just saw the boys
go into the girls' room.
Let's hope they
arrive at a settlement.
Well, at least they're
having a meaningful dialogue.
Hey, sounds like the
platoon leaders are coming.
Good luck.
MARCIA: I thinks so.
Me, too.
Mom, Dad, we've got the answer.
I got it.
All right, he got it,
but I agreed to it.
Well, come on.
Tell us. What is it?
We decided on the rowboat
or the sewing machine.
That we know, but which one?
Either one.
Either?
Well, you know it's got
to be one or the other.
That's where the
contest comes in.
Contest?
Boys against the
girls. Winner take all.
Don't you realize that's going
to leave somebody
out in the cold?
We know that. Sure.
Well, as long as both sides
are willing to take the risk,
I guess it's okay.
The only problem we've
got is what kind of contest.
That's fair to both of us.
Well, that shouldn't
be too hard, should it?
I have it. Ping-Pong.
No. That wouldn't
be fair to the girls.
Peter's a champ.
How about a swimming contest?
Real fair, huh?
After you won the
meter freestyle last year.
Oh, that's right.
I did, didn't I?
Excuse me, I have
some dusting to do.
At this time of night?
Well, you won't be having this
conversation tomorrow morning.
( laughing)
Here's one... a relay race.
Oh, sure. Why don't you
just offer to run against Cindy?
Hopscotch?
Marcia, that would be like
my challenging your father
to an embroidery contest.
Weightlifting.
That's a great one.
For who?
Whom.
Whom.
Well, I guess there's
just no such thing
as fair competition
between boys and girls.
How about that
game with the cards?
Building houses?
That's perfect. Why didn't
anybody think of that?
You just did, Mr. Brady.
Remember, kids,
mother and I are
the umpires, right?
Yeah, right.
BOBBY: I guess so.
Whatever we say goes.
Now I think that Bobby
and Cindy should start.
Okay, everybody ready?
Uh, just a minute, now.
Stand away from the table, kids,
'cause any little movement's
going to knock them down.
Ready?
Go.
Me first.
Why you?
'Cause I'm a lady.
Aw.
I am a lady.
If you say I'm
not, I'll bop you.
GREG: Let her go first. Come on.
There.
Careful.
How's that?
That's very good, Bobby.
Nobody said mine was very good.
Oh, honey, yours
was sensational.
CAROL: Careful.
You next. Come on.
You're making me nervous.
Now stop acting so jumpy.
Who's acting?
I am jumpy.
( sighs)
( laughs)
Take a deep breath next time.
( sighing in relief)
Come on, Jan.
( all sigh in relief)
Good man.
Come on, Marcia.
CAROL: Oh, Marcia.
Marcia, be careful.
Your bracelet.
If she knocks it over that's it.
Shh. Be quiet.
( sighs)
It wouldn't count anyway
if she knocked it over.
It sure would.
Everything counts.
Would it, Mom?
I'm afraid so, honey.
That's not fair.
Boys don't wear bracelets.
Mike, I think this is too
nerve-wracking for them.
Honey, I agree. I
think we better call it off
and find some other way.
Listen, you kids, why don't
you toss a coin or something?
( all disagreeing)
We're going to finish it now.
Go ahead!
Talk any louder, and
you'll knock it all down.
( sighs)
Phew!
( girls sigh loudly)
No, Tiger. Stay outside.
There's Tiger!
Keep away from me!
( all shrieking)
Oh! Oh.
That was an accident.
Everything counts.
You said it yourself.
Yeah, I'm sorry, fellas.
Those were the rules.
Oh.
It's too bad, boys.
Isn't it, girls?
Oh, yes.
Oh, yeah, it's too bad.
( laughing): It's awful.
JAN: Hey, Mom, you got
to take us down to get us
our sewing machine.
We better hurry up
or the store'll close.
JAN: Or they might run
out of sewing machines.
Well, go on up
and get your sweaters. Come on.
Well, I guess they'll
just have to remember
like the fella said,
it isn't whether
you win or lose.
It's how you play the game.
Yeah, but that fella
didn't lose his rowboat
to a bunch of girls.
Oh, mother, the store's closed.
CAROL: Well, I
see a man in there.
Perhaps he'll take care of us.
Please.
I'm sorry, lady.
Please, mister.
It's been m*rder today.
We're closed.
No, no, no more premiums.
I've got to clean up.
Look, mister, I know it's late
but you've just
got to let us in.
Look, you see,
we've been building
this house of cards and...
well, it took over an hour.
We won. 'Cause everything
counts when you're building a house.
JAN: And we can
get a sewing machine.
Even if it was Tiger's fault.
Oh, please, mister.
All right. Hurry it
up, will you, please?
'Cause I don't want everybody
on the street coming...
Oh, thank you so much.
We really appreciate it.
I'm sure you do.
( sighs)
It's been like this every
since they announced
Checker stamps was
going out of business.
All day long,
coffemakers, toasters,
heaters, blankets.
Doesn't anybody buy
anything anymore?
Don't you save trading stamps?
Who do you think was
my first customer today?
We've been saving
stamps a long time.
Our brothers were
saving them, too.
And that's why we
were building the house.
And we won because...
I know. Because
everything counts
when you're building a house
and you won because
it was Tiger's fault.
Whatever that means.
Well, we do have books
and that is enough for a
sewing machine. Right?
Right. And somewhere in
here I got two different models.
Let's see if I can find them.
Oh, I think
they're right over...
No. That's a home
beauty salon...
Hair dryer, makeup
table, three-way mirror.
Hey, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
No.
We came here to
get a sewing machine,
and that's what
we're going to get.
Mom's right.
We can make some groovy dresses.
I think they're right...
come on with me.
I think they're over there.
There's so much
stock here that...
Excuse me. Remember...
Please, will you hurry up?
Because I haven't had
even lunch yet today.
They were supposed...
Oh, here they are.
Here they are. Right
here. I knew they were.
This model has an
a*t*matic buttonholer
push-button stitch-setter
and a solid maple cabinet.
And this one has, uh...
walnut cabinet,
a*t*matic bobbin,
separate thread compartment
and an illuminated sewing area.
All right, ladies,
which one'll it be?
That one. This one.
Oh, no, not that.
No, no, no.
Okay, let's put it
right about here.
MIKE: Hey.
Aw, Dad, what do we
have to look at it for?
Because it's what they
call being a good sport.
Now you might have won
and they might be
sitting here, right?
That's the way I wish it was.
Yeah, well... Okay,
Cindy, go ahead.
All us girls want to
thank all you guys
on account of
if you didn't lose,
we wouldn't have this.
CAROL: Come on, kids.
There.
A TV set?!
A color TV set.
Well... what happened
to the sewing machine?
Well, when we got to
the redemption store
and the girls saw that
rowboat just a few feet away
from the sewing machine,
well, they decided
to get something
that the entire
family could use.
Oh-ho. Hey, what
do you say, fellas?
Sure nice of you, girls.
Great!
You sure you didn't
nudge the girls a little?
Well, maybe just that much.
Oh, boy, this is
the nicest color TV.
Whose room's it
going to go into?
Aw...
Mmm, Alice, this cake is
positively out of this world.
It sure is. New recipe?
New bakery.
Well, if they turn
out cakes like this,
they're going to have
customers waiting in line.
Oh, they do, but it's not just
because they bake so well.
What else would you
go to a bakery for?
Oh, they've got a very
special attraction there.
Something new.
Golden Circle trading stamps.
Oh, Alice, oh, please...