01x05 - Girls Night

[bunniefuu]

Hey, girl! Thanks for making the drive.

I'm so psyched you're coming.

Oh! And I got that rosé Jody
likes so we can chug it,

crush the charcutes, and hit the town.

I know! Mothers, lock up your sons

'cause Shans and her gals
are in the Hammer!

'Kay, gotta go. I need
two hands. See ya soon.

'Kay.

(GRUNTING)

Wow! That is quality.

Okay.

(GRUNTING)

Damn it. Zipper, just...

(GROANING)

Oh. Okay.

(SIGHING)

It's inside out.

♪ I don't lose my cool ♪

♪ I love to call you mine ♪

♪ And whenever I'm with you, my baby ♪

♪ I keep my Fahrenheit ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ I never lose my cool ♪

You gave your cat alcohol?
You know it's toxic, right?

I swear, I didn't give him anything!

I poured myself a drink

and I turned away for one minute

to watch a video of two
otters holding hands.

Such a classic. I thought Middens
was watching with me,

but when I reached for his paw,
he was whisker deep in rosé.

- He looks fine.
- Really?

He tried to make out with Snowball
and kicked over a lamp.

Kind of screams, "I got my drink on."

Just keep an eye on him
tonight. I wouldn't worry.

SHANNON: Worrying's kind of my thing.

Well, I should probably...

There's just a lot going on right now.

- Big night?
- It was supposed to be.

I had friends coming in from Toronto,

but with the Middens sitch...

You're welcome to a glass.

Doctor Lara. Not you, you big lush!

No. I should be going.

Oh, please, have something

as a thank you for the after-hours help.

I really have an early...

- Is that truffle brie?
- Yes!

It tastes like creamy dirt,
but in a great way.

Maybe just a taste.

I got it at the Farmer's Market from...

- Half-Goatee Guy?
- Half-Goatee Guy!

How does he only have half like that?

- Why did he start shaving?
- Why did he stop?

Can he not grow hair on that side?

So many questions.

Although the goatee answers
one of them, he is single.

- But, oddly, still kind of cute.
- Right?

I mean, the one half.

Which half?

♪

Sorry, Boo. Rick says the limo's booked.

Rick's limo fleet is one limo?

I mean, technically two,

but he's been living in the other one

since his wife kicked him out.

But it's Tina's birthday,

and I promised the crew a
limo to the bowling alley.

Well, take an Uber.

There's six of us.

'Kay, well, I could drive you.

I mean, two at a time,
if I move the turntables.

Forget it. We'll do shrooms
and take the bus.

Oh, man. I miss out on the best nights!

- (PHONE VIBRATING)
- Ooh.

I gotta go.

New TVs came in and Raoul's
already dropped, like, two of 'em.

#TechCityLife!

Mm.

Peace.

(CAR STARTING)

- What?
- I need a favour.

Yeah, well, I need a new fishing rod

and years of my life back.

- What?
- I'm kidding! I mean, not really.

What's the favour?

♪

Ah! Ah.

SHANNON: Ooh! Looking sharp, Paulie.

An apple soda. Yummy in my tummy!

- Are you drunk?
- Ah, no!

I'm just living the Hammer
dream. Don't wake me yet!

I swear I smell something
on your breath.

Ah, relax. It's just a kombucha
Lara recommended.

So fun swapping reccos
with my girl g*ng!

You're in a g*ng with Lara?

Oh, no. Not an actual g*ng.

But we did have a bit of
a girls' night last night.

I'm a girl.

Yeah, no. It was more of a unoffish
cat emergency slash hang.

I would've texted you,

- but I just don't have your nu...
- (PHONE RINGING)

For next time.

- Cool.
- (PHONE RINGING)

My mom's number. For backup.

- Tell her you're a church friend.
- SHANNON: Ah.

Okay.

Oh, hey, Lars!

Crazy night, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Who drank my almond milk?

We should do it again sometime.

Drink her almond milk?

Uh, no. Hang out.

Maybe some night this week
after work, or whatevs.

Ah, this week's tough.

- Yeah. The weekend's better.
- I'm free.

Not this weekend. Lots going on.

Oh, hangin' with the Rav-ster?

No, but thanks for the invite.

- Ouch.
- (LAUGHING)

Okay, no offense, Paul,

but, uh, you don't understand
career women.

It's a lot of, uh, go-go-go.

That's what my sister said
before she burnt out,

but my schedule is wide open.

(SLURPING)

That should keep Venture out of trouble.

And high as a kite.

I know it's for Lyme Disease.

So, I was thinking of
ordering bao for lunch.

Maybe someone would like to...

- Hey, babe.
- Hey!

- You can just call me Kristian.
- (LAUGHING)

(BARKING)

- Whoa! Hey, hey! Down! Down.
- KRISTIAN: It's okay.

He's just saying hi.

Ravi's scared of dogs.

I'm just not used to their chi,

or their horizontal chakras.

I get it. Not everyone can
connect like me and Lara.

With animals.

I'm just going to finish
up a couple things

and then we'll get lunch?

KRISTIAN: You can pet him if you want.

Oh! Ah, no, no. I, uh,
I just washed my hands.

It's okay. He's a pushover. Lie down.

It's just, uh, I kind of had
a bad experience as a kid.

A labradoodle took out part of my calf.

I left a blood trail three blocks long.

Ha. That's kind of funny.

Yeah. No, I-I guess, you know?

I was legally dead for three minutes,

- but yeah.
- No.

I meant you being scared of dogs
when you're with Lara, a vet.

Just seems like kind of an
important connection to have

- with your partner.
- We connect in so many other ways.

Uh, emotionally. Sexually.

Oh, my God. Oh, my
God, it's all surface.

Nah, you're fine.

I mean, would she prefer
to be with someone

who shares her passion? Probably.

No, no, no. You're right.

Can I really be her soul's true mate

if where she sees affection,

I see teeth, rabies, and
part of my missing calf?

Well, it's something to think
about over lunch with Lara.

Ah, wait. What about the dogs?

Oh, just don't show
fear or too much skin.

(BARKING)

(GROWLING)

PAUL: Whoa, you look fantastic!

- Can't be slumming it in my ride.
- Yeah.

I was talking to Misty, but
you look pretty good, too.

You named your van?

Every precious thing deserves a name.

You sound like Russ with his sous vide.

The son he never had.

Yeah, well, this van
is like my daughter.

I mean, I already have a daughter,

but she left and I can't
afford to lose two.

So, no drinking, smoking,
vaping, barfing, food, sex,

or head on collisions, please.

Got it. Don't do anything fun.

- Just be careful.
- I will.

- Oh, you mean your van?
- And you.

- I love you, baby.
- Jesus, Paul!

She's a collector's item.

I can tell she's experienced.

Don't be disgusting.

Anyway, I'll send you the new
fundraising targets Friday.

- Make sense?
- Ross, you gotta stop saying

"make sense" after everything.

It diminishes your power.

Right. Well, I'll send you
the new targets Friday,

so you can suck it up, short-pants.

Let's find a balance, 'kay?

Hey, one more thing.

- If I were to ask you for drinks...
- I would,

but I promised Hugh we'd do F .

Hugh says it's better than sex,

but how's that supposed to make me feel?

- No. I meant hypothetically.
- Oh.

I mean, you're fun,

but I really just came
by for the update.

And to steal Post-its.

I'm probably overthinking this,

but Lara and I had a really
fun time the other night,

but when I asked her
to hang out this week,

she seemed very hesitant.

That woman speaks?

She has literally never
said hello to me.

I saw her say hello to you yesterday.

Oh. Maybe I'm the one
who never says hello?

I just thought we connected.

I wouldn't worry about it.
You're her boss.

- Weird power dynamic.
- You and I hang out.

And it's always a bit weird.

Besides, Lara doesn't really
strike me as a gal's gal.

What? She loved Little Women.

Exactly. When the bad skater
burns the old one's books?

Def not a gal's gal.

It was just the first time
since moving here

that I thought I actually
had a fun night.

And you'll have those nights
again, but you can't force it.

I mean, how many weeks ago was this?

It was last night.

Wow.

- Yeah. I'll give it some time.
- Yeah.

♪

(LAUGHING)

♪ ... is perfect ♪

♪ To distract me from the things ♪

♪ Beneath the surface... ♪

(GROANING)

Hey! What gives?

I know. He didn't even
have bottled water.

One star.

No. My van.

Oh!

Yeah. Bowling got crazy.

Tina broke her face doing a keg stand,

so I had to take her to the hospital.

In my van?

No! I'm not an idiot. I was wasted.

We took a cab. R.I.P. Peg's Visa.

Okay, so where's Misty?

Or Tina, for that matter!

She left emerg with the guy
who wipes down the gurneys.

No, my van!

I left it at Donatella's. Duh.

- The strip and bowl?
- I was eating, drinking,

and about to hurl.
Misty can thank me later.

She's years old!

Relax. I'll take a cab at
lunch and pick her up.

I can't believe she's alone
at a strip and bowl.

Everyone's alone at a strip and bowl.

(KNOCKING)

(GLASS SHATTERING)

- Sorry.
- It's okay.

I'll get Paul on that.

- What's up?
- Uh, Joy told me to give you these.

Ooh. Cost reports. My fave.

Show me where the money went.

Yes?

Oh, um, I just wanted to let you know

- that I'm really enjoying my time here.
- Aww.

I love to hear that.

It's actually, um...
it's made me rethink

what I want to do for a living,

but, um, anyway, if you have any time,

um, I'd love some advice.

Of course.

Mentorship is so important.

What is going on in that freckled
little noggin of yours?

Well, I think that I'd like to work
with, uh, special needs dogs.

You know, not dogs with special needs,

but dogs who help people
with special needs.

That sounds good!

Yeah. Uh, dogs have been
a huge help for me.

Uh, not that I have special
needs or anything,

but, um, I do have astigmatism.

LARA (MUFFLED): No, it's just been
busy at work and after work.

That's just my pal, Lara.

Always jibber-jabbing.

Hey, Lara! Keep it down!

What were you saying?

Uh, I have astigmatism.

Okay, but before that, about advice?

What was I supposed to
do? I couldn't say no.

MAX: I'd like to be a...

LARA: Our personalities
are just so different.

- Is that a job, or?
- LARA: I mean, it wasn't the worst,

- but read the room, you know?
- What?

- LARA: So needy.
- Yeah, you're right.

Of course it's not a job.

- Maybe this is all stupid.
- No, no, no!

That's not what I meant.
I... (CLEARING THROAT)

I want to hear all about
your career goals.

Really? 'Cause I never share them

'cause I was worried people
would find them boring,

but here, I started this
list after my mom d*ed.

- (SHUSHING)
- I don't want to be mean,

but I need my down time.

- I clearly wasn't into it.
- Sorry.

No, no! I meant maybe we
should have a moment of silence

- for your mother?
- LARA: It's just all the chatting.

It's too much.

Mm, maybe I'm being
harsh, but get over it!

You get over it!

Yeah. I'm trying. Um, but, you're
right. I can be doing better.

No, not...

Well, sure.

_

♪

I know you told me not to talk
to you while you're on break,

but, uh, Ravi's alone with the animals.

Yeah, he's on this kick to get
more comfortable around dogs.

Okay, well, I think he's
being mauled by one.

(RAVI SHOUTING)

(BARKING)

Hey, could I have this coffee

'cause I've never tried caffeine before?

(LAUGHING)

- Are you okay?
- (LAUGHING) Yeah.

- I am transcendent.
- That's a bit much, but...

First I was terrified,

but then I looked this little guy
in the eyes and you know what?

Uh, he licked you and peed on the floor?

- I made a new best friend.
- Yeah.

Venture's pretty gentle.

Uh, when I said sit, he sat.
When I said don't sit...

- Not a command.
- He didn't.

It's like we're surfing
the same wavelength.

- Mm.
- Venture! Bark!

(BARKING)

- See?
- Yeah, he responds to commands.

It's kind of something that
Venture and I worked on.

Paw.

- I am a dog whisperer.
- Well, behind every good dog

there's a person who spent eight months

getting them comfortable with humans.

Nah, man, it was only,
like, eight minutes!

Maybe what I've been
afraid of this whole time

- is my own power.
- Mm.

Sometimes we dim our light
because we don't believe

that we're stars ourselves.

Well, I'm glad that you connected.

I can't wait to tell Lara, man.

Already I feel more connected
to her as her lover.

Yeah.

Maybe you're ready to connect
even more with another dog?

Wow! Okay. Yeah. Totally.

Maybe we'll set you up with Greta.

(GROWLING)

She loves walks.

(BARKING)

Okay.

(BARKING)

Hey! Thank you, dog brother.
You're a real one!

Yeah, you're a real... one, too.

♪

♪ Is it true... ♪

♪

Oh, Nikki.

Hey, Joy.

Come on in and have a seat.

Let's chat, girlfriend.

I know we're colleagues
and I'm your boss,

which makes it hard
for us to be friends,

but we are friends.

Something I really value.

Oh, and now you're feeling quiet?

That's fine.

At least we don't talk
behind each other's backs

and I know you won't pretend to have fun

eating all my cheese and
drinking all my wine.

In conclusion, you're quiet,
I'm a conversationalist

and we're still good friends.

For sure. And I would never
pretend to like wine.

I swear.

Max said you were out.

I'm not.

- Hey, Paul.
- How's it going, Nikki?

How are you?

Seems like something's wrong.

Uh, no. No. Sure it's fine.

Is it my van?

What a shock.

'Kay, well, the important
thing is don't panic.

Tell me that she is still safely
parked outside the Strip 'N Bowl.

I'm so sorry! I parked it under a
light, I locked it... I know I did.

- I'll find it. I promise.
- Nikki.

Okay, well, I'll get Marko
to check the chop shops,

or I could get you a hot tub limo. Okay?

I mean, some guy is living in it,

- but...
- Come on.

We're going for a ride.

Ride where? In what?

I lost your van. Are you even listening?

- Just come with me.
- Okay. Well, FYI,

Peggy tracks my phone. So.

I'm not on my break. You can talk to me.

Um.

Hey, Kristian. Hope you're
having a good break.

- Greta's missing.
- Wrong.

No, that's-that's what it says.

Ravi took Greta for a walk.

Wow.

I've never seen anybody
walk Greta before.

Well, we'll see how he does with a dog

other than people pleaser Venture.

(BARKING)

Oh, wow. That's... That's blood.

Oh, my God! Greta!

- Uh, and Ravi.
- (BARKING)

Eh. It looks a lot worse than it is.

Really? 'Cause it looks horrible.

Ah! Greta's a bit of a scrappy one.

KRISTIAN: She was a guard
dog for a motorcycle g*ng.

Oh, amazing. Which one?

You're clearly in shock.

Here, sit down. I got this.

You are just like Lara. Such
empathy for the wounded.

It's a gift.

Uh, Max, put Greta in her cage.

(BARKING)

Don't worry! She's just eaten.

RAVI: Hey, hey. No need to
food shame her. (GROANING)

(BARKING)

LARA: Hey, Shannon.

- Is that good?
- Ah, shelter profitability, so yes.

I'd love to read it sometime.

I'll have Joy make you a copy.

Thanks.

She seems like a good person.

And a good friend.

That was a fake conversation.

I know. I didn't know
how to get into this.

I'm sorry that you
overheard what I said.

Are you sorry about what you said,

or that I overheard what you said?

Because when I'm talking
trash about someone,

I don't do it when their
office is right next to mine.

And guess what, Lara?
You're not perfect either.

You stare everyone down with
those cold, judgey eyes!

I wasn't talking about you on the phone.

It was about Ravi.

Oh.

Not that I heard anything much.

He's been paranoid about
our... connection lately

and so he's all about
these nightly check-ins.

It's k*lling me. Also, here.

A gift card to Fondu-Rosa's?

Because I ate all your cheese
and drank all your wine.

Again, apologies.

- I said things I wish I hadn't.
- It's okay.

To be honest, I was surprised that
you would wanna hang out with me.

People often find me dull,

and, as you say, cold.

No. No, no, no. No.

And you seem to have so much
going on, tons of friends.

I do, just not here.

Everyone says they'll drive to Hamilton,

but no one ever does.

It's an hour, people!

And the night that Middens got
drunk was such a fun night,

not because I poisoned him,
but because you came over

and I thought we had a really good time.

We did, and it was actually
nice to get away from Ravi.

Now he wants to foster a dog,

but I know I will end
up taking care of it.

Oh, I have been there.

You should just tell him that
you wanna focus your energy

on caring for him. They love that.

Oh! That's good.

Oh, my God. We're chatting right now,

but keep going, keep going.

That's all I have.

It's a great start. Gal pals.

Look, just relax.

This is a teaching moment.

I trusted you with something
I care about, Nikki.

You can't just park my wheels
anywhere in the city.

Paul, I know. I made a mistake.

Well, thankfully, I saved my
baby by parking her here.

Oh, wow. You really go all
out when teaching a lesson.

My God!

Who would do this?

This is one of the
sketchiest streets ever,

- so take your pick.
- I just had her repainted!

Whoa! Sweet boob job, Misty.

I'll call an Uber.

Plus, the library's a bit of a hot spot,

so we could always do a
quiet hang in the stacks.

Oh, my God.

What is going on?

RAVI: I'm fine. I took Greta out

and I guess she took me out, too.

Greta? I love all our animals,
but that dog's a psycho.

Ah, Greta's got a good
heart and a strong jaw,

I saw both today.

Greta is way out of your league!

I can't help but feel
partially responsible.

Dude, all you did was give me the dog.

You gave him Greta?

Okay, I'm fully responsible,

but he said he was a dog whisperer.

Yeah, that seems a bit much.

Look, it's all good.

Greta was afraid and she lashed out.

Who here can say
they've never done that?

I can see why you love animals, babe.

Also, I really don't want a dog.

Oh, babe.

Babe.

Babe.

Babe.

Okay, well, I'll leave you to it.

She's not much of a talker.

KRISTIAN: You should
keep your arm elevated.

That's not what I meant.

Fondu-Rosa's added a
gruyère-fontina blend

with strawberry salsa.

Apparently, it's TDF.
Oh, and for dessert

we have to get the classic peanut
butter fondue topped with...

Right.

Chitty-Chatty-Shan-Shans
has left the building.

Maybe after we could go to the
Havana Room for live music?

Oh, my God! Yes.

I know the bartender.

Sometimes we do crosswords
together at the bar.

Oh, wow. We're not going
to do that though, right?

Are you guys going for drinks?

Well, dinner first.

Okay. Have a good time, then.

- Joy, would you...
- Yes.

Wait, is this a pity invite?

Don't answer. I'll get my coat.

A little desperate, but I get it.

I hope this is okay.

Of course.

The more you two talk,
the less I have to.

(CHUCKLING) That's funny.

- That was a joke, right?
- Yes.

So, where are we going?

- Fondu-Rosa's.
- I love it!

What is it?

It's a fondue place.

So romantic.

Oh! We should get a booth

and a big drink where
we all share with straws!

(SQUEALING) Oh, my gosh.

She knows this isn't a date, right?

I don't know what she thinks this is.

Have you guys seen Sex and the City?

It's a show! We're them!

♪ The city lights ♪

♪ Let's shake it up ♪

♪ It's kind of scary,
but I'm loving the rush ♪

♪ My heart is racing like, oh ♪

♪ 'Cause this feels like home ♪

♪ This feels like home ♪

♪ Yeah, it's true ♪

♪ Look in the mirror and
I'm feeling so good ♪

♪ Yeah, I've been
searching like, oh... ♪

♪ 'Cause this feels like home ♪

♪ Feels like home ♪