04x07 - Optics

[bunniefuu]

And this poker game is out of control.

REGGIE: This is Tom Werner, Flaherty,

Chen, Richard Freeman,

I mean, if I want to
run with those guys,

there's no better way
than playing cards.

MISSY: This is our
money, yours and mine.

I have absolutely no control

over my own financial life.

We did not have you educated

for you to whine like this.

You want your own resources?

Go out and gather them.

It's offensive, the sin of waste.

How about the sin of being an assh*le?

- Are you gonna do something?
- Oh, I'll do something.

- The f*ck up and...
- CASSIE: Oh, my God!

Mary Charles, are you a monster?

Come here, you smug piece of sh*t.

Let me get you a toothpick!

He was charging me for coke!

You have serious issues!

THERAPIST: I'm glad that
you've decided to start

attending your therapy
sessions, Mary Charles.

They have a much better chance
of working when you're here.

Well, I want to feel better.

Also, it was either this or prison.

That pisses me off, but...

Well, tell me some of the
things that piss you off.

Oh, we only have minutes, right?

CASSIE: How are you enjoying
your private weekend away so far?

- CAM: Ma, leave us alone.
- CASSIE: All right.

Call me later.

Hey, thanks for arranging everything.

I think you'll like this place.

I will if it clears my head,

gets the basketball out,

the worries about the world.

Gets you and me out from under

my family for the first time since...

- Ever.
- [CHUCKLES]

[BOTH LAUGH]

Mmm.

Okay.

I really like Road Trip Allison.

And we ain't even there yet.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

We getting there.

♪

Good job on the advance tour, Chen.

I am so excited, I could sh*t.

I never understood this expression.

Why is sh1tting a desirable

or even an acceptable reaction

to a positive stimulus?

I say this with all love,

but if you ain't African-American

you can't know how
much this museum means.

I mean, the other
Afrocentric museums in Atlanta

could fit into the restroom of this one.

Again, a veiled sh*t
reference. Unintentional.

All I'm saying is there
are other places one can go

for one's metaphors, for f*ck's sake.

Look, this museum is a statement,

a declaration, the planting of a flag,

the biggest, blackest museum

in the biggest,
blackest city in America.

My God, I can't believe I'm emotional.

"The Leonard Moscowitz Museum
of African-American Life."

He was the principal benefactor.

"The Leonard Moscowitz Museum
of African-American Life?"

He got us the advance tour.

Okay. Is there any chance

that Leonard Moscowitz is a black guy?

Very small chance. Very, very
small. I believe he's Jewish.

Could he be a black
Jew like Lenny Kravitz

or Whoopi Goldberg or Jesus?

I only met him once, but I had
the sense that he was not black.

This was based mostly on his whiteness.

Okay, so you're telling me that the name

on the Museum of African-American Life

is not an African-American name.

I'm not telling you that. That
gigantic sign is telling you that.

Un-f*cking-believable.

Mary Charles, I don't understand.

Every time we plant a flag,

it's gotta be under
the white man's banner.

We gotta have permission.
We gotta have a supervisor.

I mean... and for f*ck, why
would he use such big letters?

Well, a good number of
his people wear glasses.

I ain't worried about his people.

I'm worried about my people.

Well, maybe he didn't realize
how black people would feel

when they saw it.

Then somebody should've told him.

People are reluctant to criticize
the rich and the powerful

who tend to live in ivory towers.

How much of a f*cking ivory
tower do you gotta live in

to not know that it might
be in slightly poor taste

to put the name "Leonard Moscowitz"

on the Museum of African-American Life?

That ain't an ivory tower, Chen.

That's an ivory bunker.

That's a f*cking fortress of ivory.

I'm beginning to see that now.

Can you get me a meeting with this guy?

You were so excited a minute ago.

Perhaps we can look past the sign,

see the glass as half-full?
I mean, if it matters,

I'm still waiting for the
Chinese-American museum.

Then go and build it.

You got the money for it
in the ashtray of your car.

You can call it the
Ziggy Berkowitz Museum

- of Chinese-American Life.
- Okay, take it easy.

And anyway, it's way too many Chinese

in America for a museum.
You'd overrun the place.

As of this morning there are
. million Chinese Americans.

Well, it feels like more.

You know, every time we talk about race,

someone blows a gasket.

I long for the day when
we are all one blended race

and all of this sh*t... yes,
sh*t, I said it... will go away.

Well, you and Ma just keep
doing what you're doing.

Until then, I want a meeting.

I ain't setting foot in
that place without it.

Can't.

♪

This basement reminds me of
the first time I was molested.

- [LAUGHTER]
- CHEN: By a cartoon?

Some of this stuff is
from the previous owners.

The renovations are still in
the... the planning stages.

- f*ck you, Jimmy.
- [LAUGHTER]

How many stairs did I have
to take to get down here?

What?

Guys, it was Reggie's turn to host.

So tonight, we're slumming it.

Oh, well, thank you.

Before we begin, a toast to Chen

for kissing us in on Peachtree,

the sweetest commercial real
estate flip in anybody's memory.

To Da Chen Bao, master of the deal flow.

- Hey, to Chen!
- To Chen.

TOM: Thanks to you, in all
my bathrooms, in all my homes,

I'm installing those
Japanese toilet seats

that actually weigh
you before and after.

Japanese take deceptively heavy shits.

[LAUGHTER]

Okay, Reggie, let's play cards.

Or are we having a puppet show first?

[LAUGHTER]

♪

I have the reservation right here.

Mr. and Mrs. Abdul-Jabbar.

That's your guest alias,
to preserve privacy.

Mrs. Abdul-Jabbar

selected the Marshall
suite, second floor,

very best we have.

- And way to go, Allison.
- Sekinah.

- What's my name?
- Weirdly, Nelson.

- Nelson Abdul-Jabbar?
- That's correct.

You'll enjoy the antique furniture

and the vintage fixtures
and the free wi-fi.

Gosh, it's a stunning
blend of old and new,

and a big favorite on TripAdvisor.

[CHUCKLES] Sounds great.

Yeah, thanks for humoring me there.

They make me give that speech
to all the new arrivals.

Oh, no problem.

I'm just trying to put one
foot in front of the other.

- I understand.
- We feel you.

Well, things haven't exactly
worked out as planned for me.

I had a scholarship to study
hotel management, Florida State.

And something got
f*cked up with my ACTs.

- Hey, you're doing great.
- Just keep your head up.

Yep. Yeah, stay the course.

f*cking longest year of my life.

- Okay, well, we're gonna head upstairs now.
- Yeah.

Use the handrail.

Woman fell last week.

Horrible sound.

All right, we will, uh,
use the handrail. Thank you.

- Let's get the f*ck out of this lobby.
- Mm-hmm.

Reggie, minus Gs.

Oh, that's a setback for
that basement renovation.

Richard, plus .

Thank you, Atlanta.

Jimmy, minus .

- Ooh!
- Jesus.

I gotta either quit
drinking or quit bluffing.

Please continue doing both.

You do have a tell, you know.

- What is it?
- When you're bluffing,

you do this.

- That's it! That's it!
- I do not!

Sometimes it's less pronounced.

All right, f*ck all of you.

You'll be visited tomorrow
by the usual cash mules.

Except for you, Reggie, obviously.

- Thanks for hosting.
- See you, Reg.

Enjoyed your third world basement.

Next game on the set of "Romper Room."

- [LAUGHTER ]
- That's fu...

Uh oh.

The Peachtree Street deal?

- It was Peachtree Road.
- Okay.

Just after Peachtree Battle
Avenue and before Peachtree Hills.

Yeah, whatever f*cking Peachtree it
was, it must've been pretty sweet.

Delectable. We got an
easement. Tripled the value.

Wow. And why wasn't I in on it?

- You?
- Me.

I never thought about it.

You have neither expertise
in commercial real estate

nor quick access to capital.

I got money, Chen.

No, what you have is
a healthy bank account.

The guys in the deal, they have money.

Which is why I needed to be in on it.

It starts with bringing
something to the table.

[LAUGHS] How about the actual table?

How about we work together?

How about you see me
getting bled in this game,

just, you know, trying to
cultivate relationships.

I didn't think I had to
cultivate the one with you.

How about you're f*cking
my aunt, m*therf*cker?

If anything, that would
make me an auntfucker.

And actually, what Cassie and I do
is not f*cking. It's making love.

So if you must, you can call
me an aunt-love-maker-with.

Okay, Chen, that's enough.

I am always hesitant to
invest the money of my friends.

The risk to the friendship is too great.

But you do it with those guys.

Because I don't give a
f*ck about those guys.

Those are friends of convenience,
but you are like family.

In a fraternal sense,
Reggie, I love you.

- I love you.
- Okay, just take it easy.

There's an old Chinese proverb.

"Lose a friend's money, and he
will shove a water ox up your ass."

I am a big boy. It's my ox,
it's my ass. It's my risk.

Technically, the ass is mine.

- Chen.
- A minor point, I understand.

- I would like to leave.
- Please.

♪

[BOTH MOANING]

Oh, Cam!

[MOANING ] Oh, my...

Oh, baby.

[SQUELCHING] Aah!

[LAUGHS]

[BOTH MOAN]

Oh, my gosh.

Oh.

Wow, I've never...

heard you come like that before.

Well, you never bit me before.

Hotels always bring the freak out of me.

- Mm-hmm.
- When we get home, we're moving to a hotel.

[CHUCKLES] Are you hungry?

Hmm, for which? Food or the other?

You cannot still be
hungry for the other.

Hmm.

But room service will be quick!

Gimme the...

♪

Leonard Moscowitz,

may I present Mary Charles Calloway?

- Call me M-Chuck.
- Hi. Uh, call me Leonard.

I am a big fan of your brother's.

- I think that he is the be...
- [PHONE RINGING]

God damn it!

He is the best thing to happen
to this city since Hank Aaron.

Well, thank you, I'll pass that along.

And thank you also for
this magnificent museum,

Oh, come on. which will mean so
much to black people here in Atlanta,

- and all over the country.
- Well, I was honored to do it.

But you didn't schlep all the way
down here just to say thank you,

and I like you already,

so why don't you just tell
me what's on your mind?

Why'd you put your name on
the front of the building?

Because no one would see it
on the back of the building.

Why do people have to see it?

Because I want them to see it.

Which is perfectly natural,

but which is also, to a black person,

deeply, deeply offensive.

My name is offensive?

In this context, yes, Leonard.

In another context, it's a perfectly
lovely name, and fun to say!

"Leonard Moscowitz." I enjoy that.

Leonard Moscowitz. Yeah, it's good.

- Mm-hmm.
- But this museum is a testament

to the -year struggle
of African-Americans,

and so the first thing we
see shouldn't be quite so...

Moscowitz-y.

So it's okay to give the money,

but I shouldn't be acknowledged.

No, you should be, with
a lovely plaque, maybe.

And other things too,
you know, like a dinner,

for instance, for Man of the Year.

- [PHONE RINGING]
- You see... God damn it.

Now, Miss Calloway, I donated
$ . million to this museum.

I ramrodded it through City Council.

- I got...
- None of that changes the principle.

I mean, think about
it. How would you feel

if you went to the Holocaust
Museum and over the door it said,

"Brought to you by Tyler Perry"?

I'd feel I went into the wrong business.

You'd be devastated. You'd
be just as injured as I am.

I wanted to make a statement.

That what, you're a great guy?

No, that oppressed groups
should stand together.

How are you an oppressed group?

Somebody tell this guy he's white.

- You're white, Leonard.
- Yeah, well, I may be white,

but I am also Jewish.

You just said, "I may be
white, but I'm also white."

Well, Jewish people aren't white
the way other whites are white.

What f*cking kind of
white are they, then?

My people have a long
history of being oppressed

by other whiter whites.

We were persecuted by the Russians,

we were boiled by the Spanish,

fricasseed by the Germans,

frozen by the Soviets.

Your people came here for freedom.

My people were already
free, but were kidnapped,

and brought here and enslaved.

Today, your struggle is over.

Oh, right, apart from the death
threats and desecrated cemeteries.

No cops are sh**ting your children.

Nobody's throwing your men in jail.

If you don't count insider trading.

- Chen, please.
- What? A little levity.

Our people were once slaves, too.

To what, fashion?

To the Egyptians,

who were, by the way, Africans,

so in a sense, we used to work for you.

And in a sense, you make no sense.

See, now that's rude,

and I take pains not to be rude to you.

Why are you allowed to be rude to me?

Because the people on
the bottom of the ladder

don't gotta be as nice
to the people on top

as the people on top gotta
be to the people on bottom.

You are not on the bottom. Your
brother is toast of the town.

As a people we are still oppressed.

But not by me!

Look, compared to my people,
I gotta say you're doing great.

You just had a black president.
We're still waiting for a Jewish one.

Entertainment business,
you guys are hot.

The Jews, believe me, ice cold.

My grandchildren dress like
you, they listen to hip-hop.

Now how many black
-year-olds do you know

who have swag yarmulkes and
klezmer on their Spotify? Hmm?

What did you say before Spotify?

I'm just saying that neither one of us

has the market cornered on umbrage.

Look, I am sorry about
your people's troubles.

I am. I didn't know about
the Spanish barbeque thing.

It's f*cked up.

But this museum is not yours. It's ours.

So if you're gonna give
it, give it, graciously.

And if you're gonna receive
it, receive it graciously.

Okay. What do you say

we all go out for some potato
latkes and collard greens?

- Chen.
- Jesus.

Walking away. Miss Calloway,

I really don't know what to say to you.

How about "I'm sorry."

- [SIGHS]
- Or "I'm really sorry."

Or maybe, "Somebody get a baseball bat,

and knock my name off the
front of the building."

[SIGHS] Thank you very
much for coming down.

Have a very nice rest of the day.

Bay Street Scramble, Mayme's
Omelette, coffee, toast for two.

- Thank you, Duane.
- DUANE: Mm-hmm.

Hey, is there a...

a costume party or something
going on downstairs?

What? Oh, you talking about my threads.

No, brother, this is just how I dress.

My personal style.

I see you, Duane.

$ ? g*dd*mn, son.

What do you do for a living?

Gimme five!

On the black hand side!

Down low.

- Too slow!
- Oh, man.

- Duane, you're a trip.
- $ ?

Listen here, baby girl.

For $ you need
anything, I mean anything,

you just let me know.

Duane's your man, rain,
hail, sleet or snow.

Will do.

Thank you, Duane.

He's a good dude.

I almost gave him another
$ to get the f*ck out.

He was sweet.

Forgot the hot sauce, though.

[PHONE RINGING]

How can I help you, Mr. Abdul-Jabbar?

Uh, Duane just brought up room service,

but unfortunately
left off the hot sauce.

- Could you send up a bottle?
- I'm sorry.

Uh, who did you say delivered your food?

- Duane.
- Can you describe him?

Mustache, afro, kind of retro-looking.

Had a pack of Newports
in his chest pocket.

Well, hmm.

It's been a while since we've seen him.

What does that mean?

JARED: Duane d*ed in .

What?

Ah! Thank you.

- Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
- _

Boy, when they say same day delivery,

they are not just whistling Dixie.

I wish I knew what that meant.

Oh, Chen, thank you so much
for including me on this one.

I'm not deaf to your requests,

especially when you make
them over and over again

in a profanity-laced tirade.

[CHUCKLES] I'm sorry about that, man.

You know, I'm just trying to
do what's best for my family.

Read the prospectus. I will
need a wire by the rd.

Copy that.

Reggie.

As I say to Cassie before
every sexual encounter,

past performance does not
guarantee future success.

I live my life without guarantees.

♪

They say he fell off a roof
years ago in the spring

while cleaning out the
leaders and gutters.

Oh, my God.

Oh, it's a deceptively dangerous job.

You reach out for another
clump of wet leaves,

you think you can make it.

Then there's a sudden shift in weight,

loss of friction,

then you reach out for something,

but there's nothing.

And then the fall,

so quick you barely have time to scream.

And then all is dark and quiet.

Poor guy.

I thought he was retro.

Turned out that he was dead.

You have nothing to fear from Duane.

He was lonely in his
life and in his death.

The story goes there was
this woman from Charleston.

She was his great love,
but she spurned him,

a blow from which he
never would recover.

Other guests have said it feels like

he's just looking for a connection.

- That's a lot to absorb.
- I know.

It's some real goosebump sh*t.

So by the time he left, Leonard
was not a happy Jewish camper.

Mm-hmm. Chen?

Do you feel that is an
accurate recounting of events?

I would like to say that I've never
felt this uncomfortable in my life.

I understand that there's not a lot
of psychotherapy in your culture.

Oh, no, there's tons. When Chinese
people aren't working -hour days

for sub-poverty wages or
living seven to a room,

they can reliably be found
on a therapist's couch.

It would be valuable to
have your third party,

objective assessment of what happened.

She pissed him off.

Okay, is... is there some sort of
olive branch that could be extended?

You could send him some
Da Chen Bao men's apparel.

His people don't buy it.

It's a huge marketing problem.

For years I've been trying
to attract that demographic

by signing a world-class Jewish athlete

who enjoys wearing Chinese underwear.

You'd have an easier time
finding the Ark of the Covenant.

What I want to know,
Doc, is was I wrong?

Were you wrong about this issue?

That's above my pay grade,

but were you wrong to
express yourself angrily?

I think you know how I feel about that.

I thought I was over the anger part.

When I took a sh*t on that grave,

I thought I had closure,

but I guess other things opened up.

Please, can I go?

Do you know what the root
cause of most anger is?

- This? Sitting here?
- She was talking to me.

A failure of empathy.

An inability to see things from
the other person's point of view.

You wanted to do a "do,"

but you turned it into a "don't."

So don't do a don't when
I'm trying to do a do

because the don'ts outweigh the dos.

Don'ts lay waste to
dos, as a matter of fact.

I'm afraid that's all the time we have.

Great, thanks, bye.

♪

Oh, my God, what a day I have had.

This woman, Mary Charles Calloway...

you know, the basketball
player's sister...

she was incensed that I put
my name up on the museum.

I mean, just unrelenting.

Did you say Mary Charles Calloway?

Yeah, I think they call her M-Chuck.

I don't give a f*ck what they call her.

She pulled my headset off of my head

when I had the temerity to
ask her about her felony.

[STAMMERS] What felony?

Oh, she punched her f*cking
wuss of a brother in the face.

Whoa, "f*cking wuss"? Wh...
why are you talking like this?

Oh, they bring it out of me.

You are really wound up.

Well, yes, I'm wound up! It's Tuesday!

Oh. I'm supposed to be showered

and you're supposed to be showered.

We're supposed to be in the bed,

doing something other than talking.

I mean, I took a Viagra an hour ago.

- Why didn't you tell me?
- Why didn't I tell you?

You're supposed to
know about these things!

- It's Tuesday, for f*ck's sake, Leonard!
- [LEONARD CONTINUES STAMMERING]

The reason that I am bringing this up,

Savannah Couronis Moscowitz,

is because you are my moral compass.

Mm, well, flattery is not foreplay.

No, no, no, just relax. I'm just
trying to have a conversation.

I'm trying to not have a conversation...

BOTH: Because it's Tuesday.

I know, I just need your point of view.

Was it wrong of me to
put my name up there,

because I have to tell you,
she really found it offensive.

- Those are two different words.
- What are?

"Wrong" and "offensive." They
don't mean the same thing.

Something can be wrong
and not be offensive,

and some other things can be
offensive and not be wrong.

But I'm talking about this one thing.

Well, this one thing

happened to be both offensive and wrong.

Wait, how can it be offensive?

I didn't mean it to be offensive.

Do you mean this
conversation to be offensive?

- No.
- BOTH: But it is.

Okay, but why didn't you tell me that?

I'm not black.

I didn't know it was offensive
until four minutes ago,

and then when you told me and
I heard it and I said, "Eh... "

So she was right about me being wrong?

Is the answer in the question?

It...

God damn it.

♪

He ain't gonna be in the drawer.

How do I know what the
f*cking ghost rules are?

Fair enough.

Are we crazy to stay here?

To be honest, it's kind of exciting,

like, we're actually in a ghost story.

That's like a childhood dream.
I don't know if I ever told you.

I don't know, you might have.

I haven't thought about basketball

or even Donald Tr*mp in almost hours.

I thought about Donald Tr*mp
when I was having sex with you.

Oh, Jesus, no. Please, you didn't.

I didn't. I just think about you.

[CHUCKLES]

You think Duane's watching us right now?

Yo, Duane.

Show's starting.

♪

So, what do you think?

I think Chen is a
billionaire for a reason.

[LAUGHS] I know, right?

Uh, I should probably offer
Cam a piece of my piece.

Right, because Cam's the
one who's been working

to get into the deal flow, and taking
it in the neck at that poker game.

No, because when it comes
to off-the-course stuff,

we always deal each other in.

Look, if it's the amount of
money you're worried about...

- It is not.
- Good.

Because half of it's coming from me.

I understand. Half of
our money is your money.

That's not what I mean.

I'm asking my parents to open the trust.

I don't need you to do that.

Nothing to do with you.

This deal is a winner,

and I need me to do it.

Hmm.

Don't worry. Half of
our money is your money.

♪

Your lady's flexible.

Mommy!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

He was standing right behind me!

Shaving! Lining his sh*t up!

This is so f*cked up!

Holy sh*t! Holy f*cking sh*t!

Hey, Duane, what do you want of us?

[GIGGLES] What the f*ck?

Cam, this is my cousin Owen.

So great to meet you, man. My
cousin thinks the world of you.

- You ain't dead?
- No, sir.

I work at the J. Crew
factory over in Pooler.

Do some acting on the side, though.

Dinner theater and whatnot.

Awhile back Allison called us,

and she said, "My boyfriend
needs to get out of his own head."

Seems to have worked.

So you dreamed all this up?

To the last detail.
She wrote all my lines.

Tell me about it. She nearly k*lled
me with your f*cking backstory.

And plus, she wanted me
to be slightly menacing,

so I can't wait to
shave and cut my hair.

That's Cousin Al.

She loves you. She knows what you need.

She goes above and beyond.

You know, I did think
something was a little screwy.

Uh, sure you did.

That's why you're standing here
in the lobby in your underwear.

[CHUCKLES] You mad at me?

Mmm.

♪

[SIGHS]

Okay.

[PHONE RINGING]

- Hello?
- LEONARD: M-Chuck?

Yeah, this is Leonard Moscowitz.

I was eight years old in ,

alone with my grandmother
because my parents

were in Mississippi when it was burning.

In ' , my parents
were marching on Selma,

with my Aunt Selma,

which is why I built the museum

and which is why I put my name on it

in, yes, obnoxiously large letters

that you can see from Earth's orbit.

[GRUNTS]

- [CRASH]
- [SIGHS]

Because I wanted to say to everyone

that the world is changing
and all oppressed people,

we'll stand together, we're not
gonna take this sh*t anymore.

Now, see, that's some good sh*t.

You should put that on the building.

[THUD, CRASH]

There goes the W. I loved the W.

Thank you for taking your name
off, Leonard. I can see it hurts.

I'll live. It's the right thing to do.

What I say doesn't matter

nearly as much as what you hear.

You know, I never made
it past the atrium.

Well, it turns out if
you give $ . million,

they give you a set of keys.

Would you like a tour of your museum?

- Very much.
- I think you're gonna like it.

You know, I think I'm gonna love it.

Except it's so dark in there. How
are we gonna see where we're going?

You don't have to see
the whole staircase.

- Just take the first step.
- Mm-hmm.

- [PHONE RINGING]
- God damn it.

Sorry.

♪

I don't want to go home.

Me neither.

I could buy us this house if you want.

Right, and then your
family could join us.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I do think we need a souvenir, though.

Okay.

They got a lot of jewelry
stores in Savannah.

Well, maybe we can get necklaces,

something to ward off spirits?

We could.

Or we could look at rings.

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ Now that you've found me ♪

♪ There's nothing left to find ♪

♪♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ This love isn't melting

♪ Rolling sixes every time ♪

♪♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

♪ This love isn't melting ♪

♪ Rolling sixes every time ♪

♪♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la, la ♪