03x16 - Dirty Hands

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Battlestar Galactica.

Leoben's a very clever Cylon.

He's gonna try to get into your head.

We haven't been properly introduced.

I'm Leoben.

I want the Cylon interrogated.

Do it.

This has happened before.

And all of it will happen again.

Your destiny's already been written.

I saw your X-rays.

A lot of old fractures from childhood.

Children of abusive parents often fear passing along that abuse to their own children.

Get out!

I'm trying to help you, Kara.

I only want you to see the truth of your life.

The reason why you suffered.

The reason why you've struggled for so long.

What if there's something to what Leoben said about you and a special destiny?

"Kara Thrace and her special destiny?"

That sounds more like a bad cover band, Sam.

I think the nova does look like the mandala inside of this temple.

Maybe it was a road sign.

Showing the direction that they headed to next.

Curious about something.

Those paintings you did from your apartment on Caprica...

This was on the temple.

Where'd you get the idea to paint yours?

That was just something I've been doodling since I was a kid.

I liked the pattern.

Well, they built the temple 4,000 years ago.

What is it?

Just something Leoben said once.

That I had a destiny.

That it had already been written.

What's up?

Nothing, go back to sleep.

You're up early.

You too.

Yeah.

Hera gets these nightmares.

Wakes up crying and shaking.

By the time we calm her down and get her back to sleep, I'm wide awake.

All that crap she went through on New Caprica really left its mark on her.

Yeah, I know just how she feels.

I wish you never woulda shown me that picture of that frakkin' mandala.

I dream about it and that bastard Leoben every gods damned night.

I feel like I'm losing my mind here.

You know, Kara, there's a, um... psychiatrist aboard Inchon Velle.

We've made an appointment for Hera.

Maybe you should think about seeing her.

Are you kiddin' me?

Most shrinks are more frakked than their patients are.

You know, you might want to check out that Oracle camped at Dogsville.

People say she interprets dreams.

Sees things in them. Predicts events.

Hey.

You okay?

I don't know.

Hello?

The goddess Aurora.

Take it.

It's yours.

What the hell am I gonna do with this?

You'll know when the time comes.

Sit.

I, uh...

I can't sleep.

I have these nightmares.

About the Cylon?

The one who held you c*ptive on New Caprica.

Leoben.

I know that he was just...

He knows you better than you know yourself, Kara Thrace.

He sees the truth about you.

About your destiny.

You don't...

Enough of that.

The only destiny I have is as a world-class frak-up.

Who hurts everyone she cares about.

That was your mother's gift to you, wasn't it?

You were born to a woman who believed suffering was good for the soul, so you suffered.

Your life is a testament to pain.

You want to believe it because it means that you're bad luck.

You're like a cancer that needs to be removed.

Because you hear her voice every day.

And you want her to be right.

Somebody told you what Leoben said to me?

Did you ever tell anyone about that?

You learned the wrong lesson from your mother, Kara.

You confused the messenger with the message.

Your mother was trying to teach you something else.

You don't know crap about my mother.

Leoben does.

He sees the patterns.

Sees how it all fits together.

Shut up.

He's coming for you.

Soon.

Shut the frak up.

You can't stop him.

And he will show you the way.

I'm on a shuttle in a half an hour.

Ask for your leave.

Come with me.

You could use the down time.

That sounds tempting.

So do it.

No strings, okay?

We don't even have to talk about our relationship.

I'll think about it.

Which means no.

You know, I hate to say this, but that whack-job oracle, she's got a point.

Your mother frakked up your head long before Leoben ever got to you.

She was dealing with a lot, Sam.

She told me that I was different from other kids.

That I needed to be a warrior like her.

Taught me that fear gets you k*lled.

And anger keeps you alive.

Well, she gave you plenty to be angry about, didn't she?

Split your head open with a broomstick handle because you didn't make your bed.

I ever tell you how I got back at her?

No.

During the first Cylon w*r, she was stationed with the first marines on Mehidra.

Stinking jungles you wouldn't believe.

Had this phobia of insects for the rest of her life.

Hated the damn things.

So I go out and I buy a bunch of rubber bugs, and I slip into her closet.

And I put them all over her shoes.

And?

She screamed her frakkin' head off.

I go in.

And she's trying to smash them with her shoes.

But that's just making them bounce around even more.

You musta caught hell for that.

She grabbed my hand, held it in the doorjamb and slammed the door.

Oh, frak me.

It was worth it though.

Catbird, Galactica.

We've had a couple valve failures.

We're restarting the unrep.

That's just great.

Hotdog, settle in.

We're gonna be out here another three hours.

Hotdog, what the hell are you doing?

Enjoying blue skies again.

About the only thing I miss about New Caprica.

Galactica, Starbuck... showtime.

Bogey, my right-one.

In the soup at 45.

Committing.

Starbuck, Hotdog, no joy.

Press.

About the unrep.

Unhook those fuel lines immediately.

Refueling ships, Galactica. Immediate.

Cease all underway replenishment ops.

Sir, we got both Starbuck and Hotdog on dradis.

But no contact with the bogey.

We're lucky we can see anything.

That planet's synchrotron radiation has been kicking the crap out of every dradis in the fleet since we got here.

Price you pay for a good place to hide and refuel the fleet.

Look's like it's also a good place for hiding a Cylon Raider.

Starbuck, Apollo. What do you got?

Apollo, we got one turkey playing hide and seek in the clouds.

No sparrows.

Engaging offensive.

One Heavy Raider.

No fighter escort.

Still no bandits on dradis.

If that bastard jumps, the Cylons could be all over us in minutes.

Alert the fleet to stand by for an emergency jump.

Starbuck, Hotdog.

No visual on your Raider and I'm losing you.

Damn it, Starbuck, blind!

I say again, I lost you in the clouds.

Starbuck, we have no dradis contact on your bogey.

Do you have visual?

Affirmative, he's hiding in the clouds.

He just ducked into the storm system.

Do you see him? Do you see him?

Galactica, Starbuck.

Tally. Weapons hot.

Damn it.

Galactica, Starbuck. Took a hit.

Still flying.

Starbuck, are you nominal?

Caught me under the chin but everything's green.

Where the hell is that Raider?

Sir.

Starbuck's dropping close to the planetary hard deck.

If she stays on course, the atmospheric density will keep her from reaching orbit again.

Then the pressure will crush her like a cheap soda can.

Starbuck, you're getting too low.

Break off and climb.

I repeat, Starbuck, you're getting too low. break off and climb.

Starbuck...

Starbuck, pull out before you don't have to smash to regain orbit.

Starbuck... come in...

Where the hell's she going?

Starbuck...

Get outta there.

Starbuck, come in. Do you read?

Starbuck, you're getting too low.

Break off and climb.

Get up.

Hotdog, do you have a visual on Starbuck?

Starbuck, come in. Do you read?

Starbuck, pull out!

That is an order. Pull out.

Son of a bitch.

Apollo, Starbuck. Wilco.

Come on!

Where did I take the hits, Chief?

Looks like nowhere, Captain.

What?

I felt the impact.

Damn Viper felt like I hit a brick wall.

Well, we'll keep checking, but so far, not a scratch.

Gods damn it, it has to be there, run it again.

We watched it twice already...

Then this isn't my g*n camera film.

No one else pulled a trigger all day.

We checked Galactica's dradis records against the ones in our Raptor.

There was no paint on your Cylon at all.

And we all know that dradis can be wonky near this planet, Karl.

Maybe the Raider jumped away before you opened fire.

Or maybe it never existed to begin with.

It was there.

Gonna ground her?

Cottle says she's physically fit but an emotional basket case.

In peace time, he'd ground us all.

So it falls back on you.

Yeah.

Even screwed up, she's still the best Viper driver I've got.

Sometimes it's hard to admit that the best of us can burn out.

You think she has?

I don't know.

I think her identity as a steely-eyed Viper jock is the only thing holding her together.

So then, if I ground her...

Everyone gets rattled sometimes.

But the bottom line is when the b*ll*ts start to fly...

can she handle it?

So where do you want to go when you bite the big one?

I wanna go right there next to Kat.

A water-walking Viper jock.

Royal pain in the ass but a hell of a stick to have on your wing.

You can put me right here.

Next to Duck and Nora.

Good card players.

Nice way to spend eternity.

Okay, so whoever croaks first, the other one makes sure that their picture goes in the right place.

Deal?

Deal.

So what did the old man have to say about my combat report?

"Starbuck's finally gone off the deep end"?

"Unfit for duty"?

He said I'm the CAG. It's my call.

Ah...

And what do you say?

Well, I say I trust your eyes over dradis any day of the week.

Something coulda been there, vanished in the cloud cover.

So you don't think I'm nuts?

I didn't say that.

You're a raving lunatic.

As demented and deranged as the first day I met you.

And you're a bastard.

Look, um...

Stress has made us all twitchy.

After what that Cylon put you through on New Caprica, you've had more than your share.

Get some rest.

Or you will start seeing things.

Yeah.

That leaves six civvies in line to refuel.

So we have another ten hours, and we're done?

Yeah.

Starbuck?

What do you hear?

Nothing but the rain.

Well then, grab your g*n and bring in the cat.

Wilco, Admiral.

Madam President.

Captain.

How is it out there?

Hell of a view.

We're almost to the finish line.

Then we can jump the hell out of this system.

So say we all.

Um... actually, sorry.

Boss, I... have something for you.

I thought that it would be a nice figurehead for your model ship.

Aurora.

Goddess of the dawn.Yeah.

She brings the morning star and a fair wind.

A fresh start.

Thank you.

Good hunting.

Thank you.

Harness assembly?

Lap and shoulder retaining pins installed.

Retraction reel correct.

Disconnect block lacking indicator.

Yellow flag visible.

You all right, Captain?

Uh... give me a minute here, Chief.

Major.

She's just sitting there.

Well, did you talk to her?

You talk to her.

Feeling sorry for me?

Look, Kara, everyone gets rattled.

Even the best.

I'm not going back out there.

I don't trust myself.

Hmm...

So trust me.

I'll fly your wing.

The CAG flying my number-two?

Whatever it takes.

How are things with you and Dee?

Uh, you know, good.

No.

Better than good.

Best they've ever been.

I'm happy for you.

Really.

It's funny though, after all we've been through.

We are right back where we started.

And you're a CAG.

And I am your hotshot problem pilot.

I guess that's all we'll ever be now, huh?

Hmm.

Starbuck, Apollo. How we doin'?

Copasetic.

Another 30 minutes and we head back to the farm.

Damn it.

Apollo, one turkey. My right-three.

Level at ten, ducking in and out of the clouds.

Engaging.

Starbuck, Apollo. No joy.

Starbuck, Galactica.

No dradis contact on your Cylon.

Apollo, Starbuck.

Weapons hot.

Committing.

This time, I'm gonna drag him back and dump his sorry ass on the hangar deck.

Set the fleet at condition one.

Uncouple the hoses.

Starbuck, Apollo. I've lost you on dradis.

I'm blind.

Starbuck, Apollo. I repeat.

I got no sign of you or the Raider.

Starbuck!

Report. Starbuck, report.

This is Apollo. Do you read me?

Starbuck, report!

Starbuck!

Starbuck, I have zero visibility.

Starbuck, are you out there?

Kara!

Good morning, Delphi.

Got another hot one in store for you today.

Time to head for the beach.

Weatherman says we can expect...

Rise and shine.

We have a big day ahead of us.

Come on.

I'm not here.

I'm out cold.

Or on a Cylon ship, and you drugged me to play your frakkin' mind games.

No games, Kara.

It's about your destiny.

I write my own destiny.

I didn't paint that symbol, Kara.

You did.

You saw it again.

In the clouds.

Didn't you?

You didn't tell anyone else.

Because you're drawn to it.

You feel its pull.

You want to fly into it.

You want to cross over.

But you're afraid.

Afraid of what? A frakkin' cloud?

Of the unknown.

Death.

All of your high wire stunts have been an act.

Time after time.

You skip to the edge of the abyss, then dance away again.

But you never really conquered your fear.

You've been afraid... ever since that day.

What day?

All of this has happened before.

And will happen again.

It's open.

Hello, Momma.

It's hard to believe it's only six years ago.

You look so much younger.

I was.

So you really did it?

First person in the family to become an officer.

What is the world coming to?

Kara, they tell me that you're the best natural pilot they've ever seen.

The first time I got in that cockpit, I just... felt like I belonged.

All that natural ability.

And still you only graduated

16th in your class.

16th out of 117 cadets, Momma.

Why are you proud of that?

You shoulda been number one.

They tell me that you have left a trail of demerits from here to Aerilon.

You're undisciplined.

You have no respect for authority.

That's none of your business anymore.

You have a gift, Kara.

I've always known that here in my gut.

And I am not gonna let you piss that away.

You're special. Don't you understand that?

No, I'm not.

Would you let go of that stupid dream of yours?

Look, I am sorry as hell that you never made officer.

And all you have to show for a life of dedication is this crappy apartment and that frakkin' medal on the wall.

But I will not make up for it all.

I can't.

Yeah, because you're a quitter.

You always have been.

You went to an oncologist.

Hey, put that down.

Don't touch that.

What are you gonna do about this?

Nothing.

There's nothing to do.

It's metastasized.

Game is over.

I'm sorry, Momma.

I don't want your pity.

You haven't got it.

You wanna feel sorry for someone?

Feel sorry for yourself.

You'll have to find another way to motivate your ass.

I'm not gonna be around to do it any longer.

Oh, don't tell me you're gonna cry about it now.

You know, I don't need this, I'm out...

I'm gonna walk out that door.

And you can look at it every frakkin' miserable day you have left, and know that I am never gonna come back through it again.

Kara!

Kara!

You kept running, didn't you?

For blocks.

She waited here.

Five weeks.

Hoping you'd come back.

She d*ed alone.

I was afraid I couldn't watch.

It's not too late.

She's waiting still.

Momma.

You came back.

I can't believe you kept all this.

Everything.

Always.

Momma.

Something's about to happen.

You know that thing that you were trying to prepare me for?

I don't know if I can do it.

Oh, yes you can. You can.

How can you be sure?

You're my daughter.

See, there's nothing so terrible about death.

When you finally face it, it's beautiful.

You're free now... to become who you really are.

You're not Leoben.

Never said I was.

I'm here to prepare you to pass through the next door.

To discover what hovers in the space between life and death.

Starbuck, Apollo. Lost you on dradis.

I say again.

I've lost you.

Squawk ident.

I'll try and get a fix on you.

Kara!

Lee.

I'm not afraid anymore.

Say again.

I'm not afraid anymore.

She should be afraid.

She's damn close to the hard deck.

Apollo's not far behind.

The pressure will crush 'em both.

Come on, Lee, get her outta there.

90 seconds to hard deck.

All right, Kara, listen to me.

Forget the damn toaster.

Climb now or you're dead.

We can still pull out of this.

We haven't gone past the point of no return.

Kara!

60 seconds to hard deck.

Dee, vector red section to Apollo's last known.

Set alert Vipers to ready one.

Hotdog, Hex, divert to 715.

Gods damn it, where are you?

Visual.

Visual.

Okay.

Kara, I'm coming to get you.

Lee...

I'll see you on the other side.

Kara, please, listen to me.

Come back.

Just let me go.

Gods damn it, Kara!

You come back!

Come back!

It's okay.

Just let me go.

They're waiting for me.

No! No!

Apollo.

Get out of there, abort!

Abort!

Lee, do you have her in sight?

Can you see her?

Negative.

She... she went in.

She went in.

We're sending in the search and rescue birds right now.

We'll find her.

No, Dad, it's no use.

Her ship's in pieces.

Her ship's in pieces.

No chute.

We lost her.