03x23 - Gloria, the Victim

[bunniefuu]

♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪

♪ Songs that made
The Hit Parade ♪

♪ Guys like us
We had it made ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

♪ And you knew
Where you were then ♪

♪ Girls were girls
And men were men ♪

♪ Mister, we could use a man
Like Herbert Hoover again ♪

♪ Didn't need
No welfare state ♪

♪ Everybody pulled
His weight ♪

♪ Gee, our old LaSalle
Ran great ♪

♪ Those were the days ♪

Hey, Ma, what's
for dinner tonight?

Dinner? You
just had lunch.

It's only :
in the day.

Reading makes me hungry.

Anything
makes you hungry.

I think even eating
makes you hungry.

Oh, I don't think
that could be right, Archie.

Eating don't
make you hungry.

Eating makes you feel...

Will you stifle
yourself, huh?

All right.

Mike, we're having
Archie's footlong hot dogs

for dinner.

That reminds me,

they gotta defrost.

I better go get them.

Which way you going?
The kitchen ain't that way.

Well, they ain't
in our kitchen.

they're in Louise
Jefferson's kitchen.

Why?

Because I asked her to put
the hot dogs in her freezer

because ours was full.

Oh, now, Edith, are we gonna
have them footlongs for supper?

Sure!

I'm going right away.

Oh, hi, Gloria.
I'll be right back.

Hi, Gloria.
How are you?

Hi, Michael.

Hey, what's the matter?
Don't I get a kiss?

Uh, I've got on
fresh lipstick.

Oh.

Did you get
my library books?

No, I didn't.

What is this?

I got no kiss. I got no books.

Got no brains.

Do you mind?

Gloria, what's the matter?

Nothing's the matter.
Nothing's the matter?

You come in here.
You ignore me to my face.

You didn't
bring my library books.

You tell me there's
nothing the matter?

I think there's
something the matter.

Nothing's the matter.

If nothing's the matter,
will you shut up over there?

Hey, will you butt out of this?

This is between
Gloria and me.

Anything under my four walls
is also between me.

Daddy, it's got
nothing to do with you.

Gloria, don't you realize,
without those books,

I'm gonna
look like an idiot in class?

Imagine the meathead worrying
about that.

I know you never
worry about it.

You want to start
up with me, huh?

Yeah, I want to start right now.

Will you two stop it?

It's bad enough it's
like a jungle on the streets.

Do I have to come home to one?

Gloria, what is
the matter with you?

You're acting strange.
You look different.

Hey, that's not your sweater.

That's right, it's Trudy's.

It's also Trudy's skirt.

Well, where are
your own clothes?

They got dirty.

How did they
get dirty?

They got dirty from dirt.
Dirt makes clothes dirty.

I mean, you don't expect them
to get clean, do you?

I expect a rational answer.
That's what I expect.

Oh, for crying out loud,
Gloria,

tell him how
your clothes got dirty, huh?

Oh, will you stop
hounding me?

I ain't hounding you.
Gloria, what is going on?

You're both hounding me!
I'm not hounding you!

I'm just--
I'm back!

[ARGUING]

[WHISTLES LOUDLY]

Let's talk
about something important, huh?

Did you get
the footlong hot dogs?

The Jeffersons ain't home,
but I left a note on their door.

Now, listen, Edith,

I got my mouth all set
for them footlongs tonight.

We gonna have them?

If they read the note.

What did you say in the note?

I said,
"Emergency, we need hot dogs.

P.S. Please read fast."

[GROANS]

Ma, Ma, could I please
see you in the kitchen?

Oh, sure, Gloria.

I hope Louise Jefferson
reads that note.

Archie's gonna be awful mad

if he don't
get his footlong hot dogs.

Ma... Ma, I have
to talk to you.

All right,
I'm all ears.

Well, I can't start talking
just like that!

Oh, all right.

Would you like
some coffee?

No, Ma, thanks.

This reminds me
of the time

when you was
a little girl.

We used to talk a lot
in the kitchen, remember?

And I used to teach you
how to make gingerbread men.

Things aren't
like that nowadays, Ma.

There are no gingerbread men
anymore.

No, you're a grown-up lady now.

Yeah, Ma.

Is that a new sweater?

Oh, uh, no... it's Trudy's.

I, uh, I changed
and took a shower at Trudy's.

You showered at Trudy's?

Ma... they're, uh...

they're putting up
a new apartment building

where the old
Rialto Theater was.

The Rialto.

That's where Archie and me saw
The Best Years of our Lives--

Fredric March and Myrna Loy.

Ma, I... I was walking past
the construction site today.

Yeah?

Whenever I walk
past a construction site,

I like to look through
the peepholes in the fence

to watch the men working.

One time there was
somebody on the other side,

looking out.

Ma, I am trying to talk to you!

Well, I'm just talking
until you're ready.

Well, I'm ready!

Well, all right, go ahead!

Well...

I don't like walking by there

because the workers are
always whistling

and making comments.

So I told Michael about it once,

and he said,
"Don't walk by there anymore."

Well, it's Saturday.
Nobody's working.

So I thought
I'd save myself a few steps,

and then it happened.

It happened so fa--

Gloria, did I tell you
Mabel Hefner bought a new sofa?

It happened so fast...
It's all green velvet...

I didn't know
what was happening.

with little brass
buttons on the corner.

I didn't even see
the man coming at me.

He jumped out from behind.
He grabbed me,

and he pulled me behind
the fence and he--

[SOBBING]

Mabel says it'll be
too dark for the room.

[SOBBING]
Oh, Mom.

Oh, Gloria.

I don't understand this.

I mean, Gloria
comes home.

She doesn't
want to kiss me.

That never happened before.

Maybe she finally took
a good look at you.

You know, you're
the most sensitive man I know.

Ah, come on.

What's the big deal
about a kiss, anyway?

Outside a couple
of wet lips,

what does it get you?

You get to be my age,

you'll learn that there's
more to marriage

than just kissing.

Like what?

Like making a living.

Michael,
Gloria is all right,

so don't get upset
when she tells you.

Upset? When she tells me what?

Gloria?

Honey, tell me,
what's the matter?

Michael,
a man grabbed me

down
at the construction site.

You got mugged.

Mugged? Who got mugged?

She did.
Gloria got mugged?

No, Archie, Gloria
didn't get mugged.

You got mugged
going for the hot dogs?

No!

Who the hell got mugged?

Will you please
stay out of this?

I want to find out
what's going on.

No, I ain't
gonna stay out of it.

You say somebody got mugged.
Who got mugged?

I thought Gloria did.
Did you?

Gloria, what happened,
honey?

I was att*cked.

Huh?
You mean "att*cked" att*cked?

Yeah, and she was very lucky.

[HOWLING]
What?

What the hell is
lucky about that?

Oh, no, I didn't mean--

I fainted.
That's what was lucky.

You, you fainted?

Yes, yes, and...
and when I did

he, he must have
got scared and ran away

because...

well, maybe because he thought
I was dead.

I, I don't know.

I was so frightened, you see,

and, well, he dragged me
behind the wood there,

and he pushed me down,
and then...

well, he put a scarf
or something in my mouth

so that I couldn't scream

and then I felt my clothes
tearing and his hands on me,

and then I passed out

and when I came to, I--
He was gone.

That's all right.
That's all right.

That's all right.
[SOBBING]

You okay now?

Yes, Michael, I'm okay.

He didn't--?

No, he didn't!
Okay, okay, okay.

Well, thank God for that.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

I'll get it.

Wait a minute, Ma.

I want to first go put
my own clothes on, and...

I'll come with you.

Ma, no matter who it is,

please don't say anything
about what happened.

No, I won't.

Why is she afraid to say
anything about it?

I mean, as long as the guy
didn't get her,

she got
nothing to be ashamed of.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

Go on
with your daughter there.

I'll answer the bell.

Yeah, hi, Mr. Bunker.

Oh, hi there, Lionel.

Yeah, we just got home
and read Mrs. Bunker's note.

Oh, yeah, well,
where's the footlong hot dogs?

Well, see,
Mom was defrosting the freezer

and she took them out,
and Wilma ate them.

Wilma? Who's Wilma?

Our dog.

The dog ate
a dozen footlong hot dogs?

Yeah, she's laying
in the kitchen.

She can't get up.

Lionel, what the hell are we
going to have for supper here?

Well, Mom felt real bad,

so she said you could have
these TV dinners.

Oh, jeez, I wish Wilma
ate the TV dinners.

Oh, no, she won't
touch ravioli.

EDITH: Archie,

who was that at the door?

Oh, that was Lionel.

Wilma the dog ate
the footlong hot dogs

I've been craving
all day long.

Take these.

Thanks a lot, Edith.

You shot another
Saturday to hell.

My supper is att*cked
by a neighbor's dog,

my daughter's att*cked
walking the streets.

What the hell am I
sitting here for?

Let me call the cops.

No, no, I don't think

Gloria wants to tell
the police about it now.

What do you mean,

she don't want
to tell the police about it?

That guy might still be lurking
around the neighborhood

like Jack the Raper.

Hey, operator,
give me the police, will you?

Gloria's too embarrassed
to talk about it.

What are you saying?
Don't you understand?

That fiend is
still around there.

He could attack anybody.
He could attack you.

Them guys don't care
who they grab.

Don't stand there.

Take that ravioli
out of my sight, will you?

Oh, hello, is this the police?

Archie Bunker,
Hauser Street. Yeah.

Yeah, I want to report
my daughter was att*cked.

No, no.
No, no, no, not r*ped.

If she was r*ped,
I wouldn't say nothing about it.

No, it's just a simple case
of as*ault with batteries.

That's why I'm reporting.

Yeah, well,
I'll hold the line.

Daddy, who are you calling?

I am calling the law,
little girl.

Why are you putting
me through this?

Gloria, you're
the only one that knows

what the guy looks like.

You gotta tell the cops.

Mike's right, Gloria.

Not you too, Ma.

You listen
to your mother always.

Gloria,
I know how you feel--

Shut up.

Got me through
to the detectives here.

I don't want
to go to the police.

I'm embarrassed
to talk about it anymore.

All right,
thank you very much.

Yes, yes. Bye-bye.

Well, your troubles
are over, little girl.

You don't have to go down
and talk to the cops after all.

Oh, thank you,
Daddy.

There's a cop coming over here.

Thank you, Mrs. Stivic.

That's a pretty good
description of the guy.

I got a hunch this
is a person we know.

There, Edith, you hear
what the officer says?

Maybe the police know
this person.

Well, what happens now?

Well, they find him
and arrest him, right?

Well, apprehending a suspect
is one thing.

Convicting him
is something else.

Let me tell you something:

Forty thousand arrests
in this country

for r*pe last year,

and less than percent
convictions.

Well, this guy will make %.

Why don't
we get more convictions?

Because the defense attorneys
get these rapists off.

Now you take your
case, for instance.

Lawyer gets
you up on top

of that witness stand,

and he might ask you
something like, um,

do you often walk past
that building site?

No, Michael told me not to.

Why? Did he know
you were seeing this man?

I wasn't seeing him.

I saw him for the first time
today when he jumped me.

Oh, you saw this man today
after your husband told you

to stay away
from the building site?

Well, it's Saturday.
I thought it'd be all right--

You didn't have to walk on that
side of the street, did you?

Even a chicken can
cross the road

if he wants
to get on the other side.

Hey, hey, that's very true.

Well, what about it?
You didn't have to walk

on that side of
the street, did you?

You don't have to make
insinuations like that.

Listen,
I ain't making insinuations.

I'm just trying to tell you
what these lawyers do.

Some of those guys do anything
to get their clients off.

That's how they earn a living.

By sending rapists
back onto the streets?

That's right, and some
of our judges and juries

give them a little help too,
you know.

I was on a jury once,
a m*rder trial.

Oh, stifle yourself,
will you?

The detective
ain't interested

in no ren-emiscences
of yours.

Go make coffee, huh?

Oh, sure, Archie.

Excuse me.

Officer,
what other questions

might a lawyer ask
Gloria?

Well, like,
do you go out with other men?

No.

You don't have no men friends?

That's not what you asked me.

Of course
I have some men friends.

What's wrong with that?

Most of them are
my friends too.

Oh, like who?

Oh, like, guys from school--
Lionel, Szabo.

Szabo?

Oh, forget Szabo,
he don't count.

He's only a Hungarian.

The guy is a painter.

A housepainter?

Oh, no, he don't
paint that good.

He's a portrait painter.
Gloria posed for him.

Posed for him,
huh, Gloria?

Yes.

Oh, now, come on,
let's not get into this, huh?

Daddy, there's nothing wrong
with what I did.

I posed for Szabo in the nude.

Oh, shush!

Oh, you're a nude model, huh,
Gloria?

No, I'm not a nude model.

I posed for Szabo
because he's our friend.

Sure, sure, sure.

You were just
being friendly.

I'd say being nude,
alone in a studio

with a painter

was being very,
very friendly.

Were you being friendly when
you passed that building site?

What do you think
you're trying to do?

I'm just trying to show
your wife what to expect

when she gets on
that witness stand.

Yeah, that's all.

And wait till you see

what the DA says
to the r*pe guy

when he gets him on the
witness stand, right?

Wrong. The accused is not
required to appear on the stand.

I don't believe it.

But the victim,
she has to take the stand!

This is like a nightmare.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]
I'll get that.

Oh, you got
some visitors.

No, no, stay right
where you are.

I'll get rid of them.

Oh, hi there, Jefferson.
Hi, Bunker.

Uh, Jefferson, look,
uh, we got something important

going here, so do you mind?

Oh, that's all right.

I won't take long.
I'll just be in and out.

Let's have the last part first,
huh?

[LAUGHS]

Ah, Bunker, Bunker,

you got a great sense of humor
for a white man.

Look, my sister is very upset

over the tragedy
that your hot dogs suffered

while under her care.

So if you'll just tell me
where to go...

Oh...
for the hot dogs, I mean...

I'll be
very glad to buy you

a whole new batch
of footlongs.

Footlong hot dogs?
No kidding.

Say, I haven't
tasted them in years.

Where do you get them?

Oh, the only place
around here

is Hinklemeyer's, over
on Northern Boulevard.

Wait a minute,
let me get this down.

Hinklemeyer's,
Northern Boulevard.

Can we forget the damn hot dogs?

What's the matter
with you?

The man likes
the hot dogs.

Hey, listen,
I'll tell you what I'll do:

I'll drop the hot dogs
off on my way back.

Wait, would you mind
getting me some too?

That's a five-dollar bill
I give you there.

How many do you want?

Just get me a couple of feet,

unless they're cheaper
by the yard.

[OFFICER AND CHARLIE LAUGH]

I feel like the straight man
in a white minstrel show.

What's the matter
with that guy?

Oh, don't pay
no attention to him.

He's one of them colored guys

who's always trying

to make fun of us
regular people.

Listen, tell us,

what else goes on
in the courtroom?

Wait a minute. I don't think
I want to go on with this.

Once you get into court,
you'll have no choice.

They're gonna ask you
questions like,

"What clothes were
you wearing

when you enticed that poor guy
on the building site?"

Entice?
I didn't entice--

Were you wearing
a tight sweater?

No.
Mini-skirt?

It was short,
but it's not a mini.

You get a kick out of
guys whistling at you?

No.
You enjoy egging them on?

No!
Like today?

No!
Yes, you do.

No! No!
All right.

All right,
that's enough.

That's enough.
Gloria--

Just leave me alone, Michael!

Look,
I know you're trying to help,

but don't you think
you came down on her

a little too hard?

Ma, I don't think
I can go through

with all those
questions in court.

Gloria, all day today

I've been smelling
Rockaway Beach.

What?

I remember lots of things
through the smell.

Archie used to say, "Edith,
your memory's in your nose

and the rest of your brain
is in your little finger."

Ma, what about Rockaway Beach?

It was a double date

with a couple
of wrong numbers

that Elsie Argyle
got to know

from working
the switchboard.

Oh, at first
it was kind of fun.

One of the boys
could bend his thumbs

all the way back until
they touched his wrists.

Elsie got him.

Ma, I know you're trying
to make a point here somewhere.

Sit down, Gloria.

Me and my date was
coming out of the penny arcade

where we'd been
playing the pinball machines,

and he took me aside

and he said, "How'd you like
a malted under the boardwalk?"

A little voice inside of me
said, "No!"

but on the outside I said,
"Okay."

Oh, Ma.

Well, I don't have to tell you

there was no malted
under the boardwalk.

Just a wrong number,

grabbing at me
and pushing me down.

Just like what happened to me
today.

Yeah, only with sand.

Ma, what happened? He didn't--

Oh, no.
I ran from him like crazy.

But how did you get away
from him?

Well, my father taught me
two things.

One was, never order hamburger
in a drug store

and the other was
something about knees.

Oh, Ma.

Gloria, I never told no one
about this before,

because in my time,
we was too scared to talk open.

But what I'm saying is
maybe we should have,

because over the years,

I've often wondered
how many other girls

that man got
under the boardwalk...

and how many didn't get away.

DETECTIVE:
Listen, who knows
with juries?

Sometimes they
take a look

at a cute dame
like your wife

and figure she
asked for it.

Maybe they're right.

What do you mean,
"Maybe they're right"?

I mean, a smart lawyer is
going to do everything he can

to make her look bad.

Take that posing in the nude
your wife done.

Now, you tell me that's
all right. Maybe it is.

But that's all a smart lawyer
got to hear.

Hear that, Meathead?
That's your fault.

You let her go bare in
front of that Hungarian.

You want that to
come out in court?

You want to put your
wife through that?

Of course not, but what
alternatives do we have?

We don't need no
what-do-you-call, alternative.

All we need
is something else to do.

Michael.

Gloria, look.

No, uh, Michael,
I have to tell you something.

I've decided to do
whatever I have to do

to catch that man.

Good, we'll notify you
when we make the arrest.

Good?

Everything you've said
has gone against

taking this thing
into court.

Wait a minute,
I never said that.

You just asked me what was
going to happen to her in court,

and I told you.

Now if you're asking me
what to do as a police officer,

I say make the complaint

and follow through with it
all the way.

Well, we're going to.

No, no, no,
we're not going to.

That's right,
we're not going to.

Well, what about
all this talk to me

about my duty
to the community?

Listen,
little girl--

Will you just stay out of this?
Let me handle it.

Ask her about her
duty to herself.

Ask her about her
duty to her family.

Ask her if she wants
to be in the papers.

Will you please--?
Talk, then!

Gloria, I don't want you
getting up on that witness stand

and getting smeared like you
were some kind of a tramp.

Yeah, you want to look
like some kind of a tramp?

Archie, please!

Look,
are you reporting it or not?

No, no, we're not reporting it.

Thank you very much,
officer.

But, Michael, I--

Gloria! I know
what's best for my wife.

Look, I ain't got all day here.

We ain't going to report
it there, officer.

I want to thank you
for coming over

so fast.
Okay.

There is one other thing.
Yeah?

You know that colored guy
that was here before?

Yeah.
You know him pretty good?

Yeah,
he's a neighbor, why?

Is he really coming back
with those footlong hot dogs?

Yeah, he'll be back
with them okay.

You know,
I gave him five bucks.

Oh, no, don't worry
about that.

He's one of the good ones.
Oh, good.

Have him drop them over
at the precinct for me,

will you?

Hey, I'll drop them off
there myself.

Thanks a million.
Thanks for coming.

Michael...

Michael, are you sure
we're doing the right thing?

No, I'm not sure we're doing
the right thing, Gloria.

I don't know
what the right thing is.

I know I'm trying to do
the right thing for you!

You should have heard
some of the things

that guy said.

Some of those things

will make your flesh
stand on end.

But Daddy,

that maniac is still out there
on the streets somewhere,

and so are
a lot of innocent girls!

What about them?

Let them bring him into court
if they want to!

I ain't responsible
for all the girls in New York.

Gloria, all I care about is you.

That's right, and that's
what he should,

care about his
own wife.

And the women
under his roof.

All right, Arch.
I said it, okay?

Well, I want
to say it again.

It's everybody for
himself in this world.

As our president said
in his re-negural address,

"You're on your own."

Don't expect... Don't expect
nothing from nobody,

especially the government.

You should sit down
and ask yourself,

"What can I do
for myself?"

and find out what you
can do for yourself,

go out and do it
for yourself.

The more people
done that,

this be a better country
in which to live in.

Do for your own,
take care of your own.

That's the rule.

That's what we
done here today.

We took care
of our own.

Hot dogs, everybody!

Oh, yeah.

Great. Great.

Hold it!

Hold it just a minute here.

Them ain't my footlongs.

Oh, no, Archie.

Mr. Jefferson was
only able to get

the regular six-inch kind.

Oh, well, I ain't
gonna eat none of them.

Oh, Daddy,
what's the difference?

Just put two of them together.

No good.

Why? They taste the same.

No, they don't.
They taste shorter.

[♪]

ANNOUNCER:
All in the Family
was recorded on tape

before a live audience.