05x08 - Premature Independence

[bunniefuu]

Gob had been preparing

for a parade illusion...

- Here it is.

-...to allow him to reunite

with Tony Wonder.

Christian magician

goes into one closet,

gay magician into the other,

they spin around,

then you come out of the

opposite closets, okay?

Except now, he's straight

and you're gay.

You could go back and forth

the whole parade.

- I love it.

- Yeah.

But the big question is:

will Tony? I mean, sometimes,

I'm really into something,

and he hates me.

Well, there's

only one way to know.

And so Gob called a man

he had tried to forget

by purchasing

a closet conversion store

in the first place.

It's hard to explain.

Yeah. Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Sure.

- He's in.

Yeah!

And breathe a word about this

to anybody and you're fired.

Now the story

of a wealthy family

who lost everything, and

the one son who had no choice

but to keep them all together.

♪ ♪

It's...

Lucille was visiting Buster

for the first time

since his incarceration.

Five minutes.

Well, I'm not going to be

the one who apologizes,

if that's what

you're waiting for.

- Well, I'm sorry, but...

- Apology accepted.

Uh...

No, you said it.

You said "I'm sorry."

You said the words.

Did I exaggerate about her?

She really is just like the

mother in Two and a Half Men.

No, you did not.

Start watching that show?

Yes, I did, Mother.

And you lied to me.

There's no scary half-man

that I couldn't handle.

I don't approve of that show.

Well, there's a lot

of stuff I've done

in this prison that you

might not approve of.

I touched a mouse.

I read an illustrated Qur'an

for kids, and at recess once,

I sat in "Blacks only."

Yard.

Oh, I keep doing that.

But maybe what you really

don't approve of is... me.

If you must know the truth,

I'm not thrilled with you.

- Okay.

- The last time I saw you,

you told me

you didn't need me anymore.

Okay... So I'm to believe

that's what you're upset about?

Not that you think

I'm a m*rder*r?

Or that I touched a mouse?

I happen to know for a fact

-you're not a m*rder*r.

- What?

Lucille 2's fine,

but she can't

come back right now.

You know where she is?

- I know who she's with,

and that's all I can say.

Why don't you say it to someone

to get me out of here?

I can't do that right now.

You'll just have to

sit tight and trust me

for a little while longer.

So it's like that again.

History repeats.

You remember that?

I remember you paying me off

by letting me go

to the Fourth of July parade,

but I'm a man now.

Paying me off

isn't gonna be that easy.

You'll need the warden's

permission, and then

you'll have to sponsor me for

my furlough, and they probably

won't let me on the float again,

but that's just...

Oh, God, it's still

the parade, isn't it?

We're still talking about...

Oh, we're talking about it!

Buster, please.

The parade's in two days.

The whole city will be there.

The last thing

this family needs right now

is a Bluth in a chain g*ng,

picking up trash.

Well, it's either that,

or I'm gonna start spewing it.

And your job's not gonna

be easy since,

of course, I got dinged because

I screamed, "Turn it off!"

after they showed the half-man.

It's like they need another

reason to call me...

- Half-man?

-...Jon Cryer.

Oh.

Soon, George Michael

sought out Maeby

where she was living

-as the sexagenarian Annette...

One minute!

- It's me. It's me.

- Oh, where are my glasses?

Oh, they're right on top

of my head, for God's sake.

It's me. It's me.

- Hey.

- In. Come in.

...who wasn't feeling

very sexagenaric.

So, you're not gonna

believe this...

What are you doing?

I'm doing another scrub and run.

My sex date is tonight,

and there's no

other way out of it.

And honestly,

if I wanted a hairless lover,

I'd probably go underage rather

than overage, you know?

- What's that?
- No, I mean, not

that I would do it on purpose.

I'm just saying if I had a g*n

to somebody's head.

- If you had a...

- What do you want me to do?

You want me to sh**t a kid?

What kind of monster are you?

I'm not sure how I became

the monster there,

but what happened to your plan

to make Annette forgetful?

Like, she can't keep track of

things, to get out of the date?

Well, it ended up having

the opposite effect.

Because when Maeby

showed up late,

she saw something troubling.

Oh, what a relief.

I thought you disappeared on me.

Mwah. Thank God.

Before I could

even act confused,

he had already called the cops.

Well, not exactly.

- They weren't cops.

- This is wonderful.

I've always wanted

to be a Keystone Cop.

It would be my honor to wear

this handlebar mustache

-in the 2nd of July parade.

That's right.

It's your first parade

not playing the jailbird.

So you should know,

those can be tricky to stick on.

Hey. I think I know

what I'm doing.

Kind of what I'm doing.

And these were, like,

senior guys, you know?

Long coats. He's not

gonna let her go,

which means I have to.

Good-bye, Annette.

Good-bye to our teeth that

make it look like I'm smiling

so I don't have to.

And you,

I'll miss you most of all,

neighbor's pain medication.

I never even got the chance...

Nah, I'll just take you with me.

So, now that you found out

your dad's sneaking around

with your girlfriend, looks like

you need a roommate, too, huh?

No, that's what I came

to talk to you about.

He wasn't going

to see Rebel in Mexico.

The whole thing was just

a crazy, paranoid idea.

Who knows where we get

these ideas from, right?

Well, you. I got that from you.

It's always from you.

Oh, yeah, I was gonna say

that sounded like one of mine.

Yeah, so I was going down there

to catch my father in this lie,

and it turns out that I was

the one caught in a lie,

because there's a picture

of the stair car in Mexico.

Something

George Michael discovered

while trying to be honest

with his father,

on the way to purchasing

12 new tires.

So, George Michael,

-why did you follow me

down here?
- The truth?

I-I thought you were coming down

here to meet Rebel.

Come on, I'm so over Rebel.

You were lying

about so many other things,

Pea Soup Andersen's

and being at the barbecue...

No, no, you're right.

How about, starting right now,

no more lies.

That doesn't include me,

though, does it?

No, no, no. You'd be

out of business, and by the way,

Barry, you had

the best lie of all,

saying that they had a picture

of-of Lucille 2 and Oscar

in the stair car.

That is not a lie. You said,

"Keep it as real as possible."

Prismo, texting mode.

Self-drive on.

This was real?

If they've got this,

there's no reason for them

to hold Buster and they know it.

- Did you know about this, Dad?

Are you kidding?

Thanks to your mother,

I can't even feel

-your son on my lap.

- Can I see that, Dad?

Ugh, so Lucille 2

is alive? Great.

Another reason I got to get

the hell out of here.

No, it wasn't her, it was us.

From when we went to Mexico

with Steve Holt.

Don't you remember

how we got there?

It was just after Cinco

when Maeby suggested

fleeing the country.

Screw it.

No rules, anything goes.

- Just the cousins.

- Hey, why don't we take that?

Primos!

So anyway, now my dad

and everyone else

thinks that they have proof

that's gonna exonerate Buster

that I know isn't true.

And I'm not sure

whether I should...

Lie to him.

What do you think?

Oh, okay. You just told me.

Really?

Even though we just left

the stair car there

when it broke down?

I mean, what if they find it?

I'm sure somebody got it working

and it's long gone.

And it's not like you're

actually lying to your dad.

You're just letting him believe

something that isn't true.

You know? Like how people

think the world's melting

because people drive cars,

or that Hillary should

continue to roam free.

And Maeby realized

she had something else

to say good-bye to.

Good-bye, Fox & Friends.

Meanwhile, Lucille

was growing concerned

that her daughter Lindsay

wouldn't be back in time

for the parade.

Sally, Sally,

where are you headed?

I think the more important

question here is:

where is my opponent,

Lindsay Bluth?

Maybe she's hiding behind

this wall she wants to build.

If she does indeed

show up at the parade,

I will be very surprised,

though I may not look it.

- No further questions.

- Hey, hey.

Oh, George,

I've been worried sick.

About Buster being stuck

in-in that jail.

They are making him a patsy,

parading him around,

frightening the masses

before the Fourth of July.

It's on the second this year.

And being in the parade was

his idea, like it was in 1982.

We're trying to get

Lindsay elected,

and Buster wants everyone

in the world

to see him in

an orange jumpsuit.

- So he'll be out in public?

- I don't want to tell you

what I had to give the warden

to make that happen.

I don't want to hear it.

Meanwhile, we still

don't have a Lindsay,

and Sally is calling us

out about it.

We've got this elaborate float

to help distract from the fact

that there's

no stair car this year,

-and nobody to put on it.

- Ugh, God. -Fortunately,

Tobias was finally calling.

Oh, thank God, it's Tobias.

You better have found

my daughter.

Sally is now in the race,

and she's pointing out

that no one has seen

Lindsay in a week.

Yes. I didn't want

to get your hopes up,

but I'm in Mexico

and I have found Lindsay...

- Oh, thank God.

-...to be very stubborn.

Oh, damn it,

I just did exactly

what I said I wouldn't do.

Anyway, I'm at Ma Bark's,

and she tells me Lindsay

should be back this afternoon,

before I'm out of my

postal plumage. Of course,

when she does come back,

I'll still need to get her

into the car.

Well, say whatever you need to.

Yes. I was thinking

I would just say,

"Your mother is so sorry

she upset you."

Out of the question.

Yes. It felt

a little out of character.

How about I just

make it about me?

"It's incredibly important

to me and my life..."

Where is this going?

"...and if you do this for me,

"I'm sure Lucille

will make me permanent member

of the Bluth family."

That way, you're not

lying to Lindsay...

You are. Well, that sounds

like the best

of our diplomatic options,

but you're in Mexico,

for God's sake.

Please tell me you prepared

a few "against her wills."

Oh, my gosh.

I do miss that wit, Mother.

It's Mrs. Bluth.

I wasn't joking.

And you're right,

we need her standing,

and dressed and ready

for the parade.

On it. In the meantime, wow,

what a trip!

Murphybrown saw an armadillo,

men held us up at gunpoint,

and I got to dress up

-as an os...

It would be five

minutes before he would realize

she was no longer on the phone.

And, as Tobias awaited

bringing Lindsay home,

Maeby was reluctantly

leaving hers.

You're Annette's granddaughter,

aren't you?

Yeah, I am.

I'm getting out of here.

Saying good-bye to her.

Well, she's in good hands.

Stan would do anything

for your grandmother.

If that woman told him

to jump off a bridge, he would.

He would, wouldn't he?

And she found herself

feeling reflective.

Nah, I love this place.

I'll just tell him it's over,

and kick him out.

It was the 2nd of July,

and the Funkes

had just finished

working off their water

and phone debt.

I guess you earned your shower.

Ugh. This thing

does not breathe.

I'll tell you who doesn't bitch

like that, your son.

I'll give you 500 bucks cash

for this youngin' right now.

And maybe that's

when Tobias learned

what it meant to be a father.

My son is not for sale.

Thanks, Dad.

Then shower's off.

There's your wife.

Now you can both go.

Lindsay?

- Tobias?

- DeBrie?

No, you were right

the first time. Uh...

I've been

pretending to be Lindsay

the past few months, on account

of Marky's face blind.

But Marky's buying it.

You should hear him: "Oh,

Lindsay, you've let yourself go.

Oh, Lindsay,

why'd you stop showering?"

You're missing

some back teeth, there.

Yeah. Just like that.

But I don't think

I can be Lindsay anymore.

They're so critical.

And...

I fall apart at criticism.

And Marky doesn't see me

for who I really am.

I see you for who you are.

DeBrie Bardeaux.

A first-class Lindsay Bluth

impersonator.

Now, let's go to Newport Beach,

and you can be Lindsay there.

- Oh, I can't go back to Newport,

'cause that's where Marky's

headed right now,

to protest the 2nd of July

parade with a paint b*mb.

- You know what?

I could go to Newport.

- Let's do it.
- NARRATOR:

And soon, preparations

for the 2nd of July parade

were underway.

We're 20 minutes from float-off.

Ugh, but at least

nobody's noticed

that the stair car's not here.

And that's when Sally

arrived in a float

that would make sure

they did notice.

Oh, hello.

What do you think

of the new stair car?

I had to make one,

because yours disappeared.

Sally Sitwell.

Well, you're no stranger

to stuffing tissue places

when you don't have the goods.

Well, what we don't have

is the candidate

that would've been

Lindsay's opponent.

But we made one,

and put her up top.

Although, she's not

as hollow as your candidate.

Uh, where is she?

Uh, she went off somewhere

to pretty herself up

for the parade.

Aren't you in it, too?

Ticktock.

The sun is nobody's friend.

Speaking of which, where is that

friendless son of yours,

Buster?

Is it true he's in prison?

Well, yes,

in the Keystone Cops skit

in your father's old role.

Something Buster

had only discovered

-moments earlier. -Mr. Bluth,

you're not on cleaning detail.

What?

Is this because I accidentally

choked Ron Howard?

Because they already

made me pay for that.

They chopped your hand off?

No, they just downgraded me

to a manual.

Listen,

I don't mean to namedrop,

but Mother was supposed to have

already arranged for me

to follow the parade.

Sorry.

I got a note

from the warden himself.

You're in a cage

on a Keystone Cop float.

What?

You mean I'm in the parade?

Are there dressing rooms

for the talent?

Oh, well, at least

Buster's being held.

Which is more

than he had as a child.

Sally wasn't

that sweet after all.

When this is all over,

let's get coffee.

And Tobias made sure his son

was occupied

while DeBrie prepared

for her role as Lindsay.

I will leave you here

and what could be more exciting

than to be backstage

♪ At a parade? ♪

♪ ...ade. ♪

♪ Being watching the parade. ♪

No. With the curb huggers? No.

I meant, for one whose dream

it is to be a clown.

Oh, yeah, 'cause he'd be, like,

"This is the one place where I'm

not embarrassed of my dream."

Hey, no. Never apologize

for your dream.

No. I was-I was

making fun of the guy.

What guy?

Whose dream...

whose dream it is.

It's your dream.

We just talked about dreams,

and you said you could unicycle

and juggle.

Oh! That's because my uncle,

he taught me that stuff,

when he used to come over

to cheer me up on Father's Day.

Robbie knows how to juggle?

Who's Robbie?

Oh. Yes, of course.

You wouldn't know my brother.

Are you one

of our parade clowns?

Me? No, I'm too shy.

No... yes, yes, he...

yes, he is. Yes.

T-This is, uh, Relucto,

the apprehensive clown.

No, I'm not, where do you...

There's the catchphrase.

Let's get you into a chair.

Well, I-I bet right now,

there's a very, very jealous fan

out there who would-who would

give anything to-to trade places

with you and get up on that...

No, I can't,

because I have to be her husband

in that stupid Lindsay float.

Come on, let's go. Let's go.

Meanwhile, Gob was

second-guessing his float,

as he waited for Tony Wonder,

who had yet to show up.

- Aw, damn it!

- Hey, Gob, have you seen Mom?

No. Um, hey, how would you

like to help me

in a double-closet

sexuality switch

two-hander float illusion,

no credit, no money?

Oh, and you turn gay.

- I'll pass.
- Yeah, that's what

I thought of you.

Look, we're gonna pull out

of here in five minutes,

and Tony's not here;

what if he doesn't show?

Gob, you'll be fine.

Do you remember

high school commencement,

when they asked you

to represent all the kids

that were being left back,

and then you had

to quickly find

a replacement for Buster

who was too afraid

to be sawed in half?

So you're saying nothing's worse

than the sound

of the dog screaming?

No, I just meant you're not

a very good magician.

And that's when Gob noticed

a less discerning brother,

who also happened to be his

former magician's assistant.

Hey.

- Hey.

- Oh.

- Sup. Listen,

I'm glad you're here.
- Sup...

I might need you to fill in

for Tony Wonder

-in my illusion.

- Mm.

It's gonna involve you

being put into a small,

confined space,

and you come out gay.

If that's a swipe about me being

in prison, I understand it.

Oh, right, you're in prison.

What are you doing here?

Well, Mom arranged it.

Although, it is nice

to be able to see family again,

because, not to be rude,

-but you didn't visit me in...

- Oh, there's a dog.

And Tobias and a nervous DeBrie

approached Lucille

to pitch their deception.

Tobias, and if it isn't...

what is it again?

- LeTrasha?

- Hello, again.

Those last few teeth aren't

going without a fight, are they?

- Mm, thank you.

- So where's Lindsay?

- You said you had Lindsay.

Yes.

But it turned out to be the

professional actress DeBrie.

The only acting this one's

good at is feigning interest

in her drug dealer's hobbies.

You do see a lot of aquariums.

But she was coming off

a three-month run as Lindsay

in front of a sold-out audience

of one face blind man.

The point is, if she can fool

him, why not have her violate

federal election guidelines

by fooling

the entire electorate

as the next representative

of the great 48th congressional

district of Californ-i-ay?

Upon a float where, unless

she gives a perfect performance,

she goes to jail for fraud.

Fine. You've left me no choice.

Maybe if you turn away

from the bleachers

and cover your face

with your hand...

I'm sure that's not the first

time you've been told that.

Oh, God, no.

I can't do this. T-This is...

No, no, no.

-...why I gave this up.

DeBRIE: Shy.

- No. No, you can.

- You can do this.

- No.

- No, no, no. Shy.

- You can't be this critical.

Not too shy, not shy.

No... happy, good.

(announcer

Good, happy, not sad.

Don't worry, Lucille.

I've got this covered.

I... no, no, no. Shy.

- Sad, shy. Sad...

- Just get her up there!

And so, the parade

finally began.

Although, "finally" might

not be the right word,

because it was still two days

before the Fourth of July,

and one day before the big

fireworks show on the 3rd.

Welcome to the third annual 2nd

of July Fourth of July parade.

To start the festivities,

please welcome

the Milford Academy

marching band,

known throughout the state

as California's

quietest marching band.

Let's all be perfectly still

and see if we can hear them.

("You're a Grand Old Flag"

There you are.

And Michael finally caught up

-with his mother.

- Hello, Mother.

Michael.

Please tell me you're back,

no one new has been arrested

and that your father is on

the way, but first, a kiss.

- Hmm.

- There are cameras everywhere.

Well, that... something

you ought to have thought of

with regard to Lucille 2

and Oscar in Mexico.

I can't believe they

were so stupid as to flee town

-in the stair car.

- Mm-hmm. Mom?

Come on, you knew

that Lucille 2 was with Oscar,

and you let your son sit

in prison

instead of telling anyone.

Knew? Michael, I can't...

I mean, the thought

that I wouldn't run to the D.A.

the moment I...

- Mom. Please.

Do you have a tissue?

You haven't needed a tissue

since Nixon resigned.

I think that you asked Oscar

to take her out of town,

didn't you?

I think that you needed her

out of the country

so that you could, what?

- Plunder her business?

- Now, listen,

nobody was hurt, everybody's

getting what they deserve.

Buster's in prison.

No, he's in a parade.

He's just playing a prisoner.

At least, that's what it looks

like to everyone here.

Look, I did what I had to do

to save this family.

There are things

you don't understand.

But he'll be out soon.

I did three years in prison

because of Buster.

- He can do a few weeks for me.

- Well, guess what?

He's gonna be out a little bit

sooner than you think,

because I'm gonna go

to Lottie Dottie,

and I'm gonna call her

on this photo.

Michael, you stay away

from that D.A.

She's a k*ller,

despite what she may seem.

So, there's nothing you can do.

The D.A.'s office is closed

until after the 5th.

Now, please. We're family.

You stay out of my life,

I'll stay out of yours.

Hmm.

Thank you! Thank you!

I guess there is nothing

that I can do, Mom.

You know, I-I have to believe...

I'm-I'm not sure that, uh...

Yes?

I've just been given

the signal.

Uh, the band

is finished playing.

Ah, well, that's terrific.

I'm sure they were great.

Let's-let's give them

all a big hand.

Oh, it might be

too late for that.

Looks like their van

just pulled out.

They will be neither

seen nor heard next year.

As it turned out...

Lottie Dottie

was heavily guarded.

And that's when Michael,

who had done some light

unicycling in college,

came up with a plan

that just might make it

seem like he was part

of the parade.

Hi. Excuse me?

- Do you mind if I...

if I just...
- Aah!

- Although a less complicated

plan emerged. -Um...

Looks like the D.A. guards

are leaving their post

to tend to him.

This is gonna be

less humiliating.

- Hi. Excuse me, Lottie!

Mrs. Dottie, I'm Michael Bluth.

Do you mind if I just parade

with you for, uh, just a minute?

Oh, you must be

Buster's brother. Hop in.

I am Buster's brother. Yes.

Oh, so how can I help you?

And please make sure to wave.

Huh? Yes. Hi.

Um, so, does the D.A.'s office

make a regular practice

of holding people under

suspicion of murdering victims

that are clearly still alive?

- Huh?
- We're not holding him

on m*rder charges.

It's a tampering case, right?

Yeah, well, if there's no crime,

then what has he tampered with?

Lucille Austero's clearly alive

after the moment

that she disappeared.

You know?

That-that's my uncle Oscar.

My-my mother just confirmed it.

Oh. And we couldn't

find him, either,

so the missing victim

and the alibi

and what we thought

was the scene of the crime.

Yes. All here.

All in one picture.

Oh, my God.

This is so embarrassing.

I mean, what can I do?

How can I make this right?

Well, you gotta, you gotta

release my brother from prison.

- We did.

- Hmm?

- You did?
- I mean, it has

to be processed out,

but he wanted to be in a parade.

Oh. Well,

he looks to be enjoying himself.

Okay, well, I'm glad that

we talked this through, though.

You know? This...

I'm so glad to have met you.

- Yeah?

- I guess I should say I'm lucky

I didn't have to face you

in a court of law.

Maybe someday we will.

Yeah, I mean, if it turns out

that's not really Oscar

and Lucille in the picture.

- Right. Yes. And you find

a crime scene.

I-I've injured a clown.

You don't want to hurt a clown.

So I'm gonna go back

and I'm gonna help the clown.

- Good-bye

- Be careful.

Oh!

Next up is a double-closet

sexuality switch

two-hander float illusion,

brought to you by our friends

at Laguna Closets.

But with Tony still missing,

Gob, hurt and alone,

was forced to use

his weakest talent:

Hey, does anyone

have a dog? I...

...thinking on his feet.

No?

Oh, forget it.

So, I guess, happy 4th.

Nah, well...

Well, the magician

seems to be

just standing there,

doing nothing.

Ah... you get used to it.

It appeared that Tony had

missed the parade,

but whether he did so

intentionally was something

Gob was just beginning

to wonder.

Did somebody say...

- "wonder"?

Tony?

You sinner.

He's Gob,

the Christian magician.

And he's Tony Wonder,

the hot gay one.

And as a Christian magician,

I know that gay people

can change.

And as the hot gay one,

I know we can't, "girlfriend."

I love you, Tony!

Except, in the world of...

-magic.

- Magic.

And so, the two men began their

double-closet sexuality switch

two-hander float illusion,

surrounded by paid protestors

meant to depict

both sides of a culture w*r

that kind of ended

a few years ago, didn't it?

-♪ ♪

Tony...

Here we go.

♪ ♪

Well, it looks like

the straight magician

is going into a messy closet,

and the gay magician,

well, he's going into one

that's neat as a pin.

Kind of thought

you weren't gonna show.

Hey, man, look.

I know you're still upset.

All right?

I screwed up, okay?

I know we were supposed

to hang out

and see each other

on the Fourth of May

and take Forget-Me-Nows and...

I just chickened out, man.

Plus, there wasn't

a fourth of May this year.

Crowd.

-♪ ♪

Look, I felt bad

about the whole thing.

I mean, you said

this was an important gig

and I figured I had to show.

Yeah, well, the truth is

this was never about the gig.

I did this whole thing

just to see you one last time.

Wow.

Well, the truth is, for me,

I kind of did

the same thing for you.

I mean, I just wanted the

chance to see you one last time

and say good-bye.

Crowd!

♪ ♪

If you really feel that way,

maybe we don't have

to say good-bye.

What do you mean?

I mean, the problem was,

like you said,

that we couldn't be together

without branding

each other's taint.

No, it's, uh, tainting each

other's brand, but same dif.

Dif.

Same.

- Same dif.

- But if this...

Oh, I thought you were gonna...

You're gonna say one more?

Nah, it's okay. We don't have

to always be in sync all of...

Crowd!

♪ ♪

Look,

what I'm saying is,

if this trick goes off

like I think

and the yahoos in the stands

don't realize that

all we're doing

is just folding some clothes

and slipping

through our trapdoors

and crawling under the float

-to switch closets, then...

Right.

When you come sashaying out

like Ms. Berry Zuckerkorn...

And you're as straight

as Bob Loblaw at

- a high school prom.

- I don't know who that is.

Oh, he's an attorney we were

forced to use one year and he...

I guess he likes them young.

But, uh, we pull this off

and we got a show, man.

We could hit the road together.

You know?

Hotels and... share a room...

Yeah. Um...

there's only one problem

with your plan.

I don't have a trapdoor

in here.

What? Oh.

Oh, come on!

So we're just two men

who went into a closet

and changed coats?

All right. Well, this is

an audience of people

too stupid to get out of town

on a holiday weekend.

They're not gonna expect

the thing to take a twist.

But another twist

had been planned

-that Gob knew nothing about.

So we'll just, you know,

we'll pull one from

the old magic playbook.

We'll sell it with our smiles.

By the way, I can't wait

to see you out there.

Same!

♪ ♪

Who's straight now?

I wonder if my friend

straightened out his act.

-♪ Free ♪

-♪ Free ♪

♪ Free at last ♪

-♪ Free at last ♪

- Tony, get out here, man.

♪ Talking 'bout freedom ♪

- Tony.

-♪ Freedom... ♪

- What the...?

-♪ Free, free at last... ♪

Laguna Closet Conversion

wants me to make it

clear that, well,

their conversion service

is not what you think.

They convert closets...

And George Sr.

caught up with his wife.

I'd offer you a seat,

but this is a new purse.

I'm actually good here.

And, after talking politics...

So did we-we get Lindsay?

If you squint.

We may just get away with this,

George.

You know, it might be

the-the last drop

of the estrogen speaking,

but I, uh...

I lost the land

in Mexico.

- What? How?

- I...

I missed some payments and then,

uh, the-the Mexican Romneys,

they showed up

and they took it back.

And they said, "No refundo."

And they speak English.

They're-they're Mexican,

but they are Romneys.

- George, without that land our

whole plan falls apart.

- I know.

The Chinese will expect Lindsay

to support a wall

-we can't afford to build.

- Right.

She has to lose.

- She has to lose.

- Yeah.

Damn it, George. Why didn't you

tell me that at the cottage?

It happened in Mexico.

I mean, when you came back.

I just, I just came back.

I was parking the Winnie.

Do you have any idea

how hard it is

to find five open spaces

-on parade day?

Well, here now

is congressional candidate

Lindsay Bluth.

Oh, no. Here comes her float.

People are going to love it.

In fact, DeBrie,

fearful and self-conscious,

was hiding from the crowd,

ironically embodying the person

she was meant to impersonate.

She does capture Lindsay.

I'm not sure what she's,

uh, trying to say, John.

She wants to keep Muslims

out of America?

Or in?

Well, they're certainly getting

a rise out of this crowd.

It was message

that was easily interpreted

through the lens

of one's particular bias...

She's a Muslim.

She's disrespecting Muslims.

She's a ghost.

She's disrespecting ghosts.

...but equally hated by all.

We may just get away

with this, George.

And George Michael arrived

looking to finally be honest

-with his father.

Oh, George Michael.

- George Michael. Hey.

- Dad, hey.

- Hi, hey.

- Hey, hey. Listen, um...

you know that picture of

the two people in the stair car?

Do I know it?

I just used it

to get Buster out. Okay?

I didn't go through channels.

I didn't ask Barry.

I just fixed it, you know?

You got to be straight

with people.

Nothing bad

can ever come of that.

That's me and Maeby.

What is "me and Maeby"?

In the picture.

This is a bald man and a woman

with spiky, black hair.

Well, I'm not proud of this,

but we...

we were wearing

the Ron Howard/Brian Grazer wigs

from the Imagine gift shop.

♪ ♪

That's you?

Why would you do that?

Uh, we were playing.

What were you playing...

Ron and Brian?

- Go to Mexico.

- What's that?

Ron and Brian Go to Mexico.

Was the name of the game?

We were bored. You don't get it.

Well, I knew it was a bad idea

to spend my Imagine bucks

on those wigs.

You've got the stair car,

though.

The cops were looking for it.

You found it?

It was right next to the house

after Cinco.

Dad, listen. I think you

better go to the D.A.

and be straight with her

about this.

Should I tell her

that my son and my niece

were playing Ron and Brian?

Go to Mexico.

Go to Mexico? No.

I'm not telling her that.

She seems, uh, very happy now

and-and Buster is almost free.

I'm sorry, Dad.

I shouldn't have told you

the truth.

No, no.

But I do think that we should

make a one-time exception

to the rule "Always be straight

with everyone," hmm?

I mean, honesty is always

the best policy, but, uh...

It's just not the only one.

It's one of a bunch.

But unfortunately for Michael,

the man who is supposed

to be with Lucille 2 in Mexico

wasn't that far away after all

and had a plan of his own

to make it seem like he, too,

was part of the parade.

A plan that we've decided

to present in the style

-to which it harkens back.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

It was.

Maeby finds the man

she had previously tried

to get away from

horribly injured.

I never even got the chance

to tell him.

It's over.

I'm breaking up with you.

Oh, and I need your keys.

Buster, unaware that he has

only a few days left in jail,

- What's happening?

- Is also unaware

he's part of a prison break...

- It's, uh, part of the act.

- Oh.

Anything for the kids.

...and risks 30 years

for the crime.

The parade really starts

thinning out around here.

Gob, abandoned and confused,

can't get back in the closet.

It seems as if

the Christian-y fellow

is now a gay man,

and by the looks of things,

-he'll be staying that way.

- Tony. Tony.

What a surprise.

- Yeah, not to me.

Tony!

Sally, all but sure to win,

visits Stan in the hospital.

It's called safety hair.

Practically undetectable.

They tell me

John Travolta wears his

even when it isn't hailing.

No, no, no. Some clowns throws

so much as a peach pit at you,

it clanks and everybody knows.

No, you want to keep me safe,

let's build that wall.

Those Bluths are dangerous,

I'm telling you.

Yeah, I guess they do have us

by the short wigs.

And Tobias desperately

tries not to lose

-his most recent Lindsay.

- Help! Please! We need a doctor!

It's an emergency.

Hi. It's us again. Help!

Did you redo the floors here?

Help, we need a doctor.

Oh!

It's okay.

She's usually on pain pills.

Ugh. I'm gonna call it.

Looks like she's been stiff

for about 18 hours.

Oh, no, no.

She's very much alive.

She just crashed through

a papier-mâché wall.

DeBRIE:

I'm under the impression

that if you're carried in

they put you immediately

on the morphine drip?

- That's what we've been

told before.
- Okay, look.

- We prioritize according

to need.
- Of course.

- Here.

- Oh, okay. All right.

Help! Please! It's

a higher priority emergency!

Help!

Oh, bullshit you didn't redo

these floors.

They look amazing.

Help!

I got to stop

coming out this way.