05x07 - Book of the Wars of the Lord

[bunniefuu]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

I mean, how did it happen?

She obviously had unmet needs.

I've known Benny Balthazar for years.

I could never have imagined
that she would have done

anything like that. She was boring.

O-okay, I-I need to come clean.

She was in love with
my friend, Dr. Carpet.

And he was, like, leading her on.

It's all his fault!

It's this dastardly
workplace environment.

And we have it all on camera.

You see how horrid this place is.

Scientists bungeeing to
their deaths on a whim

and petite lesbians
poisoning one another!

Okay, you guys really need

to stop gaslighting me on this.

You were literally holding poison.

You were [INDISTINCT MOCKING]

You know, there's good
attention and bad attention.

This has quickly become
very bad attention.

I've never been associated with anything

like this in my life.

I hate to say this, but, Dory Sief,

I'm removing you from this company.

- What?
- And I think that you need

to leave the premises immediately.

Are you serious? You cannot
remove Dory from this company.

Do you even understand what
she knows and what she sees?

Oh, my God, no,
you have to stop believing in her.

She's insane,
and anyone who believes her is insane.

- All right, settle down.
- Can I get in the circle?

This is all too much, not my brand.

Wait, Dory, we can't stop now.

We did it. I know we did it.

It's okay. It's okay.

Dory, please don't make this

more difficult than it needs to be.

[QUIETLY] There we go.

I'm sorry.

It gives me no pleasure to
have things end this way.

I wish it all worked out differently.

Yeah.

But Tunnel,

I want to thank you for the teachings.

Okay.

What are you doing?

Ms. Sief, did you just lock that door?

This is not the time for games.
Open the door.

I won't be leaving
until the job is done.

What? Hey, don't... what?

Open the door. Don't walk away from me.

[PURITY RING'S "OBEDEAR" PLAYING]

♪ Oh, but, dear, the sky is low ♪

There's you, there's you, there's me,

and there's a bunch of people
marching with impaled heads.

Is this Brooklyn?

- Drew, this is art.
- It's actually good.

I think it could be, like, a classic.

Well, it was totally alive
and in perfect health.

- [WHISPERS] Hi.
- You're back?

- Yes. Ritchie, listen.
- I need you to find a way

to make some kind of lethal
w*apon out of that lab.

- A lethal w*apon?
- Yeah.

We're not gonna hurt anyone.
It's just to make a point.

- Yeah. Okay, I can do that.
- All right, act fast.

Go and get your passport.

The plane waits us at Teterboro.

I've b*rned it, Mummy, so that I'd never

- have to go back.
- What?

Hey, I thought you were escorted out?

- I'm back.
- Listen, I need you

to get enough duct tape
to detain three people.

But she's evil!

Sorry, actually four people.

And get some of the others to help you,
all right?

We need to act fast, but make sure that

nobody gets hurt in the process.

Okay. Wait, what?

The meditation room is a
good place to hold them.

Okay, okay.

[EXHALES]

[g*nshots]

- That's my girl.
- That's my girl!

I just imagine the Sinister Trinity

and, like, just how
they think they can just

hide their entire agenda from us,

and I just let the rage, like, flood me.

And that's exactly why
I chose you, Chantal.

Oh, God.

Liquorice, this has truly been the most,

like, incredible education of my life.

Like, it actually makes me sick

to think about how blind I used to be.

Now that you know so much,

why don't you come on full-time

as my official intern?

You're gonna want to quit your day job.

That's perfect. I don't work.

[CHUCKLES] hours a day, wow.

Does that mean I'm gonna
have to move in with you?

Yeah, probably so,

until you're ready to
truly protect yourself.

[WHIRRING]

[g*nshots]

Dory Sief and her staff at LYTE,

the controversial
pharmaceutical endeavor

have barricaded themselves

into their workspace headquarters

in Brooklyn, New York today,

after scientist Benny Balthazar

fell out a window to her death.

Sief has denied access to the building

and is holding several
innocent bystanders hostage

while her staff mans the windows

armed with spray bottles
filled with sulfuric acid.

The hostages have been identified

as the former lover of Ms. Sief,
Drew Gardner,

the Grand Duchess and
Arch Duchess of Bellhead,

Winnifred and Beatrice Hamsdale,

and a camera man with no family

by the name of Vernon Ankles.

The Hamsdale's were
confronting their daughter

live as part of a special program

for the British network Satellite Four

when the event happened.

[GLASS SHATTERS] [ALL SCREAM]

Sief released a public statement

across her own social media
platforms earlier today,

outlining her agenda.

We've discovered a
formula for enlightenment,

but they're trying to shut us down.

So we've decided to take
things into our own hands.

Keep your faith in me, and stay tuned

'cause soon,

you will get everything
your heart ever wanted.

Let's change the world.

[SIRENS WAILING]

[VILDE'S "WARM MILK" PLAYING]

♪ ♪

There are entrances
here, here, and here,

all of which should be avoided

because a spray-bottle squirt
could reach any of them.

♪ I've met you, city ♪

♪ I've met you, city,
half a million times ♪

Open up! This is insane!

Oh, shut up.

Have you never been
taken hostage before, dimwit?

I guess not,

- but I really feel like I have.
- [SIGHS]

Oh, we're just all, um,

truly devastated by the loss
of Doctor Benny Balthazar.

Those closest to her knew her,

of course, as somebody
who is dedicated, um,

tremendously to her
great work but also...

somebody who liked a fun party.

You know, she was very
popular amongst men.

She will be missed by the thousands.

This incident took place on your watch

and people are discussing

whether or not you're fit to lead.

What do you have to say about that?

A good leader, um, takes risks,

and sometimes those risks

don't turn out exactly as you'd hope.

But, for right now, I'm working

hand in hand with the FBI,

who, by the way,

doing an absolutely magnificent job.

And I'm gonna be donating a fleet

of the new Tunnel XF car

to be used by the entirety
of the NYPD because,

well, it's the least that I can do.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CROWD CHANTING] Dory, Dory, Dory, Dory,

Dory, Dory, Dory, Dory, Dory!

[MUFFLED CHANTING CONTINUES]

Hey, everyone.

I just want to take a moment

to acknowledge the courage
: : , --] : : ,
that you are all exhibiting right now

in the face of adversity.

It is truly profound.

And I am so honored to work beside you

in this critical moment in history.

So take a look around

because these are
the faces of the people

who are strong enough

to usher in a new era.

Things are going to get rocky,

but you've been preparing
for this fight since day one.

'Cause they might try to stop us,

but they can never take away our light!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

- Oh, my God.
- [CHUCKLES]

- This is getting out of hand.
- This is getting out of hand.

Babe, this is the revolution,
you know what I mean?

We're prepared for this.

We're just in the
messy middle right now.

Hey, Portia,

- you sound crazy.
- I'm devoted.

Mm-hmm.

You do want the pill, right?

Literally more than anything.

I mean, I just don't want to be charged

for stowing hostages at acid-point.

I mean, I guess I can
talk some reason into her,

but she'll probably just lock
me up like her little Drew.

Hey, she probably locked Drew
up for a very good reason.

And I don't know if it
makes you feel better,

but I'm really not worried at all.

Look, I want this pill to get made,

but if it doesn't, I'm not afraid to say

that I was just following orders.

Would you like me
to talk to her for you?

Mm-mmm.

You're already on thin ice
because you poisoned her.

Look, I don't know if you heard,
but we actually

figured the whole
poisoning conversation out

and I didn't do it.

Like, everyone
knows that I didn't do it.

Like, it wasn't me.

Portia.

It wasn't.

Oh.

Dying for the loo.

I'm sure it's high time we
changed your nappy, Mummy.

Oh, I imagine so.

I don't want to die.

I just want to go out to get drinks

and hang out for the rest of my life.

I can't cut that short!

If we make it out of
here, I'm gonna buy you

the biggest margarita you've ever seen,
okay?

Oh.

Help!

Hey, Dory,

I think some of these
people need to pee.

I don't think that's a possibility.

I think they should piss themselves.

Are hostages allowed to pee

or should we be doing something else?

- I... I don't know.
- [PHONE RINGING]

Hey, Dor, do you want
one of our beautiful snacks?

No, thank you.

[PHONE RINGING]

Beautiful snack?

- Dory, Dory!
- Oh, Ritchie,

- deconstructed PB&J?
- No!

I just want to let you
know that we're all set up

to replicate the formula,

but there's a technical
issue with the machine

that we're still working on.

Okay, so how long is that going to take?

Well, I'm not tech support,

but there is a tutorial
online that I looked at.

- I'll try my best?
- Okay, just hurry.

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Also, should I answer that
or should I let it linger?

- Answer it.
- Okay.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Hello, this is LYTE headquarters,

birthplace of the forthcoming
existential revolution.

This is Orange LYTE speaking.
How can I guide you today?

Mm-hmm. Okay.

It's for you.

- Hello?
- Hello, Ms. Sief,

this is Walter Camp with the FBI.

We have the building surrounded,
and there's no way

you're going to get out of
this unless you cooperate.

I'm curious.

Are you crazy or just stupid?

What do you want?

Let's be reasonable.

There's no way you can get out of this,
right?

Have you had a look outside?

You should take a peek.
It's a quite a scene.

We have a full militia.

We even have sn*pers all for you.

Well, I'm flattered.

Look, come out now,

it won't be that bad on you.

You'll get a year, tops.

And, who knows?

Maybe you can charm the jury,
like last time.

So what do you say?

Do you want to end this
before it gets out of hand?

What's out of hand
is that the human race

has been drowning in false
ideological structure

since the beginning of time.

So what are you going to do about that?

- That's a tough one.
- [SNAPS]

I don't know.

Well, I do.

[SYSTEM POWERING DOWN]

Did you forget to pay
your electric bill, Dor?

Please turn the lights back on.

How are you gonna make your
pills without electricity?

I bet it gets pretty hot up
there without AC, right?

I hear it's supposed to
reach to degrees.

I think I've just pissed myself.

Oh, it's just sweat.

If you had peed yourself,

you'd jolly-well know it.

- I definitely went pee-pee.
- [CHUCKLES]

I thought we all agreed we
were just gonna let it go.

What?

So I'm the only one who peed his pants?

[QUIETLY] Okay, Portia,
can I talk to you for a second?

What did you mean when you said

that you and Dory were having sex?

- [QUIETLY]
- I mean, we're girlfriends.

Okay, well I'm pretty
sure she's f*cking Drew.

Well, so am I.
: : , --] : : ,
[LOUDLY] What?

[QUIETLY] It's just
what it's like to, like,

live this way.

[QUIETLY] So you're all just,
like, f*cking each other?

Yeah, but it's also, like, love too.

I'm sorry, am... am I hideous?

Elliot? Elliot?

- Marc?
- Elliot?

Oh, my God.

- Elliot!
- Marc?

- Come on, kid.
- Tell him what he needs to hear.

Get him to talk some sense to that girl.

Elliot, baby, it's me,
Marc, your life partner.

I know who you are, obviously.

What are you doing
here? I'm handling it!

They asked me to come
here and say a few words

to try and get you all to come out.

But I don't care about that.

I need you all to do whatever it takes

to make that pill. Take
as long as you need.

- What are you doing?
- Hold on.

I am staying at a hotel these days

because I'm scared of our son.

He cut me, the entire length of my arm.

But I guess that's why
God gave me two arms.

Make that pill, baby,
make a bunch of 'em!

Are you out of your damn mind?

You are the worst hostage
loved one in history.

Oh, God. Okay.

Hey, Dory.

So we have gotta make this pill.

- What can I do to help?
- I don't know, okay?

I'm just... I'm...

I'm trying to figure that out.
: : , --] : : ,
Would it help if we had sex?

What? Why would that help?

I mean, you tell me.

Like, if it comes down to that
in any way just let me know,

just 'cause I would hate
it if you ever thought that

I was someone that you
couldn't have sex with.

Okay.

Yeah, thank you for sharing that.

I'm... yeah.
: : , --] : : ,
Moments ago, the
Board of Tunnel Industries

announced that they're meeting today

to discuss what the future of
the company would look like
: : , --] : : ,
if they moved on without you?

Does this mean that you're
going to be replaced?

[CHUCKLES]

No, no. No, that's a formality.

They meet once a week like that.

You know, we're a family,
and, uh, what family doesn't

discuss ousting the
father on a weekly basis?

You know, everybody knows

there's no Tunnel Industries without...

Mr. Tunnel.

[DESOLATE MUSIC]

It's hot. Ugh.

♪ ♪

Hi.
: : , --] : : ,
How you doin'?

Uh, well, it's really hot,

we're running out of food and water,

I have to figure out
how to make these pills

without electricity,

and I have to figure out how
to get us all out of here,

so it's a lot on my shoulders.

Totally. Can I talk to
you about something?

Sure.

I promise

that I was not the one poisoning you.

Truly, I would never lie to you

about something like this.

I love you so much.

You mean so much to me.

I could never, ever, ever hurt you.

And, if I'm being
completely honest, like,

it actually really hurt me

to think that you could
ever think that I could

honestly ever do something like that.

I'm sorry, it just...

It really seemed like you did it,

but I know things aren't
always as they seem.

I believe you.

Will you forgive me?

- Okay, I did it.
- What?

- Oh, Portia!
- I'm sorry! I did it!

I swear that I didn't
ever mean to hurt you.

The thing is, like,

I need you and I need you to need me

and I just could feel
you kind of slipping away

and I just don't know
who I am without you.
: : , --] : : ,
- Hey, it's okay. It's okay.
- Do you forgive me, please?

I feel really bad. Do you forgive me?

Sure.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Can we be girlfriends again?

- Portia...
- Hi. so, guys,

tonight for dinner we have to have

all the perishable stuff

and then we can dig into the chips

and all that jellybean-like stuff.

- [GASPS] Wait!
- Do we still have gas?

Maybe we could make, like,
enlightenment jellybeans.

[MUSIC]

Is that crazy?

I don't see why it wouldn't work.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

I'm bursting. I'm going to burst!

Go ahead and burst.

- You didn't burst yet?
- I already burst it twice.

No bursting!
Guys, come on, for the love of God!

Let us out! We have basic human needs.

[GLASS THUDDING]

Come on!

[WHISPERING] They're gonna,
like, break down the glass.

- Damn, they're so privileged.
- Come on!

Please, we're not
gonna try any bullshit.

I swear to God!

We just want to use the bathroom.

What's going on?

They're bitching about
using the bathroom.

Dory, please,
there are elderly women in here.

I hope you're not referring to me.

- Oh, of course, of course.
- Marty, Winnie,

why don't you just show
'em where the bathroom is?

- What's the big deal?
- When I asked...

Never mind, it's fine.

It's inhumane, okay?

Just take 'em to the bathroom.

Thank you.

Okay, no funny business, all right?

- How's it going in here?
- Pretty good.

It's a bit of a production,

but we're about ready to make the beans.

Okay, it smells good.

- Would you lean back?
- Put the acid down.

That was brilliant.

- Oh, oh, thank you.
- Of course.

No big deal.

So tell me,

have you ever been to Bellhead County?

You know, actually, I haven't.

- Mm.
- Can you, like, tell me

something about it that,
like, I wouldn't know?

Well, there's hundreds
of thousands of accounts
: : , --] : : ,
that Bellhead... is a portal... to hell!

- Oh, my God, right?
- [GRUNTS]

- [SPRITZER SPRAYS]
- [SCREAMS]

He sprayed acid on my arm!

- My f*cking arm!
- Okay, okay. Okay!

- On my f*cking arm! [SOBS]
- Come here, come here.

Here you go, pal.

I'm so sorry, guys.

I thought this was the closed position,
you know?

- Stop pointing it at me now.
- What happened? What happened?

- It was him!
- It wasn't my fault!

It wasn't my fault! They tried to escape

and then the Grand Duchess came in

and she hit me in the
head with a toilet seat!

I'm a good person, I
promise! I'm just a DJ!

We're just getting word

that it seems that
someone has been injured.

We don't know if it's a
member of the Royal Family

or Drew Gardner or
if it's the other one,
: : , --] : : ,
but we can confirm
that one of the hostages

has been sprayed with
acid and could be injured.

[SCREAMING]

I feel literally so bad.

Let me buy you a drink
when this is all over, okay?

- It's just pain.
- It's not real, okay?

Breathe. Breathe through
it. [PHONE RINGING]

What?

You're losing your grip
on the situation, Dory.

People are getting hurt,
and that's making me look bad.

Why don't we get on the same page here?

Everything's going as it should.

Save it, Dory.

You dug yourself a deep hole,

and there's no way out.

Why don't you just give
up while you behind...

You'll need to strip naked on my stoop

and throw it all in the neighbor's trash

before coming in.

Hm.

Lies.

[CHUCKLES] Coercion.

Oh.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

What?

It's a letter from myself,

- from the future.
- [GASPS]

The future?

I've been getting them ever
since I was a little girl.

- [GASPS]
- Oh, my God, what? What?

- It's about you.
- Me?

It says that you are
to have a child, a boy.

And that that boy will bring
about the end of the world.

- [GASPS]
- No!

What?

No!

You mate with a man named John Halwood.

Oh, Jesus.

- This is more than I...
- Than I know what to do with!

[BOTH SOBBING]

He needs to go to the hospital.

I know a third-degree
burn when I see it.

Now, make me in charge of this.

This needs to stop right now,
Dory, all right?

You need to get it together.

Dory, what are you doing?

We don't even know if this
pill that you're making works.

It does. I know it does.

There are moments in
the timeline of humanity

where we've needed to take a
leap of faith to keep going.

This is just one of those times.

What you're saying is delusional.

Come on, Dory,
you basically k*lled your own doctor.

If he k*lled himself, and that is true,
: : , --] : : ,
then that is absolutely heartbreaking.

But all I am responsible for

is sharing my own experience.

You need real help, all right?

You're a danger to
yourself and to others.

What you believe to be
reality is not reality.

You're right,
my reality is different than yours

and most people's,

because most people are
living in an illusion.

I know because I used to
live in that illusion,

but now I see the truth.

And the truth is that the world is sick,

and it needs medicine, Drew.

That's reality.

Then why are people getting hurt?

Because people are scared.

'Cause we'd rather be in pain

than find out who we really are.

Dory...

- I'm tapped out.
- I know.

No, I don't think that you do know.

Okay? 'Cause you're everywhere.

You're in my thoughts,
you're in my dreams.

I try to shower you off,
and it doesn't work.
: : , --] : : ,
'Cause every single time
I think that I get out,

I look around and I realize

I'm right back in it.

Okay? And it is t*rture.

[SIGHS] I can't help you anymore.

You're upset

because you want to be
strong enough to let me go.

You keep thinking that if
she does one more bad thing

then that'll be the proof I
need to know that she's bad.

But there's never
enough proof, is there?

Because I'm not bad

and that's why you
keep coming back to me.

So if you're gonna come back,
: : , --] : : ,
then really come back

and really help me.

And, if not,

then you need to leave forever.

Yikes.

That looks, like, really intense.

I think she's probably
honestly telling Drew

about how she loved me more.

Oh, that sucks for him.

It actually seems like she
might be adding me to the mix.

Nothing official yet but I can just tell

I've definitely been
in her thoughts, so...

- What?
- Yeah. One second.

Hey, Dory, sexy gal. f*ck! [CHUCKLES]

Anyways, so, we are
starving, we are hot,

and we are humiliated,

so we either need to give up and go home

or we need to figure out a way to flee.

But right now, this is not working.

- [LINE RINGING]
- Okay.

Okay.

- Walter?
- Yes.

I need a bus.

A classic American school
bus from the early ' s

that can hold my disciples

and a dozen large
bags full of jellybeans.

And then I want a
plane waiting to take me

and my people to Acapulco, Mexico.

What do you say I trade you
some hostages for our freedom?

It's with great sobriety that I,
Tunnel Aloysius Quinn,

have chosen to step down,
effective immediately,

as the CEO and founder
of Tunnel Industries.

While I've poured my heart and soul

into building this company,

which started in my
grandmother's basement,

I see now that the
simpler things in life

are what matter most to me,

like watching it rain

or enjoying the silence of an empty room

or understanding that I
don't matter to anybody.

I'm gonna spend the rest
of my days enjoying meals

and finding out if I have
any children out there.

Thank you so much.

And good luck to us all

in this grand experiment.

Uh, it's so nice out, I think I'll walk.

Thank you so much.

Oh, my God. You guys made so much.

- I'm truly impressed.
- Thank you!

Once we figured out the jellybeans,

it was go, go, go.

Okay.

So it's time to put these two together.

Remember,

if they jiggle, they break.

Any of it splashes out and
these chemicals combine,

we're all dead, okay?

Okay.

Okay, everybody, grab two bags.

Do not spill. Hostages,
you stand together.

And, disciples, do not dillydally.

- Okay, come on, guys.
- Let's move, please.

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

I've got the target.

- Stay close.
- Stay close. Get back.

- Walter, be careful.
- She's got enough

ammonium nitrate on her
to blow your head off.

Stand down! Stand down.

Move.

Got it. Got it.

Okay?

Stop.

Keys to the bus.

There's a plane waiting for
you at a private airport.

Keys first.

Once everyone's on safely,
then I'll let them go.

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Move.

Everybody on.

Stop.

Help my mother!

[ENGINE TURNS OVER]

Why is it stopped?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[SCREAMS]

[SINGING FUNKY UPBEAT SONG IN FRENCH]