05x15 - b*ll*ts Over Bel-Air

[bunniefuu]

[CARTOON PLAYING ON TV]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Ashley. What's up, Nicky?

[WILL MAKES PUNCHING NOISE]

Hey. Will, you have paper on your cheek.

Oh, Nicky, he cut himself shaving.

Why do you shave and Ashley doesn't?

[WILL STAMMERS]

Well, you know, it's because guys grow beards... and some women don't.

You know, when you become a teenager, guys start to grow hair on their face... and women start to grow, you know, they be...

Taller. Ooh, you are right. Taller.

Yes.

Why?

You are really asking a lot of questions, Nicky.

Nicky's at that age.

He's like an empty vessel waiting to be filled with knowledge.

Has anyone seen my Vogue magazine?

The one with that supermodel Tyra on the cover.

Hilary, that's 2 years old. Geoffrey threw it away.

Why?

And some vessels just stay empty.

[SINGING "THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR" THEME]

It says here in this magazine... when decorating a home, price should be no object.

The more money you spend the better.

What magazine is that?

Rich People's Digest.

I got a subscription.

If I'm gonna be decorating my new house, I need all the help I can get.

This is a beautiful color for your drapes, honey.

Yeah, if you're a hotel in Vegas.

Plus, look at the price.

This is very reasonable.

Exactly.

[HILARY SCOFFS]

All right. There you go.

Right.

[WILL GRUNTING]

I think it's too heavy.

All right, let's lighten the load a little.

There we go.

Hey, yo, man, why I gotta carry everything anyway?

Simple, Will, some of us are born owls and some of us are born mules.

Guess which one you are.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I must be one of them owl-k*lling mules, then.

PHIL: Okay, I have chartered our trails.

We're gonna hike in just below Limestone Falls... then we're gonna raft down the Rocky Point... and we're gonna spend our last night at Two Arches.

Huh. Them arches better not be golden.

Don't worry, on this trip, it's just us and the elements. Heh-heh-heh.

We're gonna be roughing it like frontiersmen.

Oh, incidentally, sir... the limousine will be here to pick you up at dawn.

Great, I'm gonna go stuff my fanny pack.

Looks like somebody b*at him to it.

Hey, you guys. CARLTON: Hey, Lisa.

I brought the sleeping bag. WILL: Oh, thank you, baby.

Mwah, mwah, mwah.

Ooh, look at all this stuff.

Yeah, we believe in being prepared. For what?

Hm. Bad weather, snakes, global thermal nuclear w*r, you know.

I tried to tell puny the bear this is too much stuff.

I mean, come on, why are we taking wood?

Hello? Campfire?

Carlton, I'm telling you, man, I'm not carrying all of this stuff.

What do we need this dumb box for?

That's not a box, it's a raft. It seats six.

Hm. How many Uncle Phils?

Wait, do you expect me to believe there's a raft inside this box?

Yes. But whatever you do, don't...

pull the cord.

Damn.

There was a raft in that box.

Ain't my fault your stupid hurricane lamp got broken.

Well, if you hadn't inflated the raft, it wouldn't have fallen over.

Well, I'll pay you for it... but the stupid thing can't be worth more than $60.

It had a built-in bug zapper.

And it cost 80.

- Well, I'll give you 60 for it. Eighty.

Sixty. Eighty.

Eighty. Sixty.

You got a deal, Daffy.

Cute, Will. Tell you what, I'll take your $60... and I'll get the rest from your wages at the Peacock.

MAN: Let's have the money. Come on. Come on.

All right, hey, hey. It's cool, dude.

Carlton, give him the money.

Hey, look, that's all we got, man. That's it.

I got more in my wallet. MAN: Take your hands out.

Take your hands out of your pockets! WILL: Look out, Carlton!

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Mommy, why are you crying?

Because Will is hurt, sweetheart.

Why? I don't know why.

Nicky, come on, let's not bother Mommy.

Oh, he's not bothering me, honey.

I wanna make sure he's going to be comfortable.

We're doing everything we can for him.

Well, those white sheets can get so dingy. Don't you have any nice pastels?

That's not our major concern at this point. Excuse me.

Well, what about television? He's not gonna just have basic cable, is he?

Miss, that is the waiting area.

Now, I know this is difficult... but why don't you just go over there and wait.

[HILARY SCOFFS]

Carlton, do you wanna talk about it?

He was aiming at me.

Vivian.

VIVIAN: Vy.

Where's my boy? Heard anything?

Nothing has changed since you called from the airport.

Aunt Vy, Will's in the recovery room.

Hi, sweetie. Thank you.

Um, excuse me, Mrs. Smith?

Lisa? Yeah.

Hi, sweetheart.

Vy. VY: Philip.

Well, I talked to the doctor. VY: Yes?

Will's in stable condition.

Now, the b*llet was very close to his spine, but they got it.

Thank God.

There's a possibility there may be nerve damage.

But let's pray there isn't. They'll move him to a private room.

Can we see him? I made a deal, we can see him now... but we're gonna have to go home after.

Why?

Well, apparently, we're driving the nursing staff crazy.

I don't understand, I'm just a visitor, why do I need medication?

And what is Prozac anyway? I mean, do you think I need this?

I feel fine.

[BEEPING]

Hi, baby.

Hey.

Mom, you ain't have to come all the way out here.

Stop it, now, I'm just glad that you're okay.

Ahh. Yeah.

Just think, I moved out here from Philly because we thought it was too dangerous.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, Will. Hi, Will.

WILL: Hey.

PHIL: How are you, son?

Dude, what's up?

Hey, don't be looking at me like that.

Y'all know ain't no little b*llet gonna stop me.

However, I will be doing my banking by mail from now on.

Knowing my luck, I'll run into a disgruntled postal worker.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Are you in pain, son?

Well, it ain't as bad as the last time Geoffrey made chili.

I guess you won't be wanting this, then.

I hate this generic stuff.

I'm gonna get you an Evian.

Hey, Ashley, what are you doing all the way over there, girl?

I'm scared to touch anything. I don't wanna pull anything out.

Come on, girl, get over here and give me a hug.

Aagh! Oh, my gosh!

Psych.

I can't believe you guys think this is some kind of joke.

Don't you realize what happened? Will took a b*llet for me.

He saved my life.

I did? I was just trying to get the hell out the way.

Will, stop it, I don't think it's funny.

Carlton, come on, man. We gotta have a sense of humor about this.

This kind of stuff happens all the time.

That's the problem.

It happens all the time.

I'm, uh, gonna go talk to him.

Son, where are you going? CARLTON: I don't know.

I'm going for a walk.

It's after midnight. I don't need something to happen to you.

Well, there's nothing you can do about it. These things just happen, right?

Carlton, I know you're upset. You've been through a traumatic experience.

Now, if you just calm down, we can talk about this rationally.

You're always in control, aren't you?

Always know what to do, always know what to say.

You know what gets me? The police aren't gonna find this guy.

And if they do, so what? He'll be out in six months.

That's not gonna happen. It's happened to people.

But the legal system isn't perfect.

Go talk to Will about our legal system.

It's such a joke. People aren't even afraid of it.

Carlton. Look, I'm frustrated too.

But as a judge, I have to have faith in it... no matter how much I wanna go out and knock some heads.

Eventually the system will come through.

I'm all grown up, Dad.

Don't tell me any more fairy tales.

Mom, Mom, Mom. I'm fine, thank you.

Okay. I'm just trying to make sure my baby's comfortable.

Well, I'm as comfortable as I can be sitting on a bedpan.

Well, you want me to...? Don't go peeking at my stuff, Mom.

Thank you, baby.

[WILL GROANS]

How's that? Oh, baby, that's perfect.

Oh, I see there's a new pillow fluffer in town, huh?

Where's Carlton? He just wanted to let off a little steam.

I'll get the car, madam.

Chin up, Master William.

Get better, Will.

Ow! Ooh, psych, psych, psych.

Stop that. We'll see you tomorrow, son.

Right. Oh, is Carlton gonna be cool?

Oh, yeah, he's fine. I'll talk to him when he gets home.

You get some sleep. Pfft.

I don't know if I can get any sleep the way that thing is here beeping.

Well, if it stops beeping, you're gonna sleep a lot longer than you planned.

Come on. You coming home, Vy?

No, no, I'm gonna stay right here with my baby.

Go back to the house. I don't need nobody babysitting me.

Well, you're not getting rid of me that easily.

Oh, baby, I'm too weak to fight. You can stay.

All right, sweetheart.

I'll see you tomorrow, okay? I love you, Mommy.

You'll get used to it, baby. I guess he told you.

Oh, shut up.

Boy, am I glad they're gone.

[CHUCKLES]

How do you feel, Will?

Well, you know how they say a paper cut is the worst kind of pain?

Eh! Eh! Wrong.

You don't have to do that.

Do what? Entertain me.

Did you hear the one about the black dude that got sh*t at the ATM?

And how he was trying to be freaky with his girlfriend in the hospital room?

Stop.

Carlton, look out.

Look out, Carlton.

Will.

Baby, it's okay, wake up.

It's okay.

I'm glad you're here, baby.

[LAUGHING]

Good morning, time for breakfast.

Shh, shh, shh NURSE: Oh, sorry.

Isn't it hard to follow that show with the sound off?

Oh, no, this is What's Happening!! I know all these jokes by heart.

Oh, check it out, look, look, look.

[IMITATES DWAYNE] Hey, hey, hey.

[IMITATES DEE] Oh, Dwayne, Rerun ate my mama's cake.

[IMITATES RERUN] Ooh. Dee, Dee, please don't tell your mama I ate her cake.

[IMITATES DEE] Okay, Rerun, for Dee right price.

You're good.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Oh, that ain't nothing. You should see my Webster.

What exactly do you want her to see?

[WILL LAUGHS]

Hey, what's up, babe? Are you rested?

Yeah, I must have been tired.

Uh-huh. You was talking in your sleep last night.

You always dream about Shaka Zulu?

Shut up, Will.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Oh, isn't that nice.

Would you like me to read the card? No, I'll thank Jazz later.

I'll take it. Thanks.

Hi. Carlton.

Hey, what's up, man? I'm glad you came back.

Can you show me where I can get coffee? Sure, right this way.

Thanks.

[WILL GROANS]

So, what's up, man? Are you gonna be all right?

Still can't get over it, Will.

If you hadn't pushed me, that b*llet would have gotten me.

Well, not necessarily.

See, even if you stood right in front of me... he still could have hit me from my belly button up.

I'm totally in your debt, Will.

Pfft. Come on, you don't owe me nothing.

Yes, I do.

If you ever need anything, anything, it's yours.

Well, uh... you could talk to Uncle Phil about, you know, sliding me into his will.

Forty, 50 G's, you know?

Actually, my father and I aren't seeing eye to eye right now.

I feel like everything he's ever said to me was a lie.

Come on, Carlton, that's a little hard, don't you think?

I spend my life believing in law and order, following the rules.

Then some maniac pulls a g*n and all the rules change.

Well, I'm sick of being a follower, sick of being a victim.

I'm gonna start making some rules.

Carlton, wait. What?

Give me a hug. What?

I said give me a hug, man. A brother get sh*t, he get a little emotional.

Now, get over here and give me some love.

All right.

All right.

What is that?

It's a g*n.

Carlton, are you out of your mind? You're walking around carrying a g*n?

What are you gonna do with that? It's for protection.

Carlton. Whoa, man. What, do you think it's that easy to just sh**t somebody?

I'll close my eyes.

I was gonna eat that, man.

Everything's a damn joke to you.

So, what, you don't think I'm mad, huh?

I'm laying up in this hospital an inch away from being paralyzed.

You don't think I wanna get up and catch...

It's not gonna happen again, not to me.

Carlton, Carlton.

I understand that you're scared, man... but the world can be a scary place.

You just got to learn how to deal with it.

Yeah, well, I found my way.

That's not you, man, that's them.

Look, I didn't come here for your approval, all right?

I came here to see how you were.

I'm out of here.

Carlton...

No more hugs, Will.

I saved your life, man.

I saved your life. You owe me!

Now, give me the g*n, Carlton.

Give me the g*n. I saved your life. I want the g*n.