05x16 - A Decent Proposal

[bunniefuu]

Thank you, baby.

Oh, man, this week has been hell.

Remind me to never get sh*t again.

It's always hard the first time.

I remember mine.

I'd forgotten how much Jewel hates anchovies on her pizza.

Well, the rest you can guess.

Good morning, Will. Good morning, Lisa.

Jazz.

Oh, my goodness, Nurse Avner, you might wanna hurry up and go change.

Nurse Sigmund has on the exact same outfit.

[CHUCKLES]

Will, I have a special going-away present for you.

Oh, well, I'm on such a natural high from getting up out of here...

I'm sure my arm won't feel a thing.

Oh, I think that's a safe bet. Woo. Oh.

[SCREAMS]

Have a nice day.

Check it out, Will. I'm the black dude on ER.

Jazz, that is not a toy.

It doesn't have to be a toy to be fun.

Check this out. Clear.

[SCREAMING THEN CRASH]

[SINGING "THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR" THEME]

Remember, just because you're going home, doesn't mean you can slack off.

The harder you work, the faster you'll regain use of your leg.

You think I'll ever be able to slam-dunk? Sure you will.

Oh, cool, because I never could before.

I'll see you in therapy tomorrow. Bye.

Okay, baby, I packed your books and your Walkman.

Mm. And this cute little backless gown that you just looked so good in.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Is there anything else I can get? Uh, just my stuff in the bathroom.

Oh, okay. All right.

And don't forget my Magic Shave, baby. LISA: Okay.

Tss.

[GRUNTING]

Oh, Will, you fell? Oh.

Yeah, I fell, unh...

in love with you, baby.

Lisa, will you marry me?

Marry you?

Will, did you take another one of those yellow pills?

I'm serious, Lisa.

I mean, you've been right here with me all through this thing.

The first face I saw every morning, the last face I saw every night.

I just want that to go on forever.

Will, I don't know what to say.

Your face says it all, baby.

Hey, listen, we should probably... Ah.

We should probably keep this thing a secret, just spring it on people at the right time.

Then it's gonna blow them away. It sure is.

Oh. Oh, babe, I'm sorry I don't have a ring for you.

I can give you this one around my collar. Heh. Heh.

Hi. Ready to go?

Oh, well, Hil, where's everybody else at? Well, they're all at home. It's just me.

WILL & LISA: Don't touch that!

Okay.

I mean, Hil, on my big day, I thought that everybody would be here.

Oh, it's not their fault. They're setting up for your surprise party.

They're giving me a surprise party?

Well, now that you dragged it out of me. Ha, ha.

Well, come on, y'all, let's go. Let's go.

Let me practice. Oh.

Oh, God, wait, babe, hold up. Um, I forgot to sign those release papers.

Hil, could you buzz the nurse for me, please?

LISA: No, not that one.

There has got to be an easier way to call the nurse.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

Honey, honey, I don't think what you're doing is good for you.

And I don't think what you're doing is good for anybody.

[BOTH YELL]

BOTH: Psht. Ha-ha-ha.

Babe, listen. Ahem.

May I have everyone's attention, please?

You are not gonna announce it in front of all these people.

Come on, baby, don't be shy. Here, take this, take this.

Now, as you all know... there's a person in this room who's very, very special to me.

A person who's warm, caring and extremely sensitive.

Oh, I love you too, Will.

Go sit down.

[WILL SIGHS]

Oh, all right, there's two very special people to me.

Anyway, as I was about to say, I have a little announcement to make.

Will, I don't think that... Oh, you're right, baby.

We have an announcement to make.

Me and Lisa are getting married.

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

[COUGHS]

What?

Will, that's great. WILL: Oh, thanks, Ash.

Congratulations.

You know, this precludes any possibility of us getting together.

To do what?

Good seeing you again, Lisa.

Well, ha, ha... that's really news.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Since you're gonna get married... maybe you and I should have that man-to-man talk in the kitchen, huh?

Let's go. Wait. Right now, Uncle Phil?

Sure, okay. Come on. WILL: Uncle Phil...

Congratulations, Lisa. Oh, thank you, Ashley.

Lisa, I want you to know that Will's as proud of you... as I am of my sweet little bride, Jewel.

Oh, thanks, Jazz, that's nice. Um, by the way, where is Jewel?

Her ex-cellmate broke out. They're having dinner.

Will, what is all this? It's too soon for you to get married.

Hilary's right.

Did I say that?

I mean, come on, I'm still decorating my new house.

When would I have time to buy you a gift?

[LAUGHS]

Isn't anybody gonna congratulate me?

Yeah, yeah, come here. My foot wants to congratulate your butt.

Boy, no way are you ready for marriage. How are you gonna support a wife?

Now, now, Vy, I'm sure the boy has a very sound financial plan in mind.

That's right, you tell her. Right.

After all, he is working full time at the college.

It's part time, Uncle Phil, just part time. Oh, that's okay.

I mean, you have that great hourly wage. Not to mention my tips.

That's right, that's right...

Well, now, just what exactly is 15 percent of a frozen burrito?

Oh, never mind. That's okay.

Once you graduate and you start your career...

Um, what is it that you're majoring in, now?

See, I haven't exactly... declared my major yet, Uncle Phil. Oh.

You're not giving good examples right now either.

Oh. Aha. Ha, ha.

I see what you're doing.

Hey, I watch The Cosby Show too, Uncle Phil. Ha-ha-ha.

This is that episode where Theo drops out of school, right?

Well, yeah, something like that.

Yeah, well, a couple more Pudding Pops, you'll be there. Ha-ha-ha.

Will, you are not getting married, and that is it.

Heh. Look, Mom, I understand that this was a bit of a shock for you guys.

But you don't have to worry about me and Lisa.

We're gonna be all right. You know why? Because we got love.

What's love got to do with it?

GEOFFREY [SINGING]: Got to do with it, got to do with it

Look, I really, really appreciate you guys' concern... but I'm a grown man.

And with all due respect, if I needed your permission to get married...

I would've asked for it.

LISA: What's the matter? Nothing. Come on, babe.

Hil, run us past Lisa's house, please. Sure.

What are you doing?

Mrs. Banks said I could take this home.

Oh, no, you don't. I'm serving that tonight.

No, you're not. Yes, I am.

No, you're not. Yes, I am.

No, you're not. Yes, I am.

Guys, stop it! Jazz, let go. Yes, I am!

[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] I'm okay. I'm okay.

Um...

Maybe we can run by X-ray on the way to Lisa's?

Thanks, Mr. Banks, for a really nice party. Oh, okay.

Uh, Lisa, could I speak to you for a second?

I know Will has probably told you we have some concerns about you getting married.

You do too? What you talking about, Lisa?

Mr. Banks, it's not that I don't love Will. It's just that all of this is happening so fast.

And I never really said I would marry him. Of course, I never said I wouldn't either.

Well, you two should talk. And soon.

I know, Mr. Banks, but I just don't wanna devastate him... with all that's been going on.

Have you ever crushed anyone? Well...

[SIGHS]

[GRUNTING]

Okay. Before we wrap up, let's test your reflexes.

All right.

Ow!

My goodness, those doctors must have crossed some wires in there.

Quit messing around, Will. Ha, ha.

WILL: Oh, hey, hey, there she come. There she come.

What's up, baby? LISA: Hi.

Oh, hey, tell her how good I've been doing. Tell her how good.

He's doing great, and you must be the reason.

He can't stop talking about you.

See you tomorrow, Will.

All right, bye. Bye.

Hey, baby, I got a little surprise for you. Unh.

Um, Will, I kind of got a little surprise for you too.

WILL: No, no, no, me first. Check it out. Unh.

[CRYING]

Just get away from me.

Oh, Mama, look, I can walk. Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, I can't believe it. Look at you.

Oh, yeah, girl, I got me some motivation.

If I wasn't walking down that aisle with you...

I'd probably still be upstairs in that wheelchair. Ah.

Oh, what was your surprise?

Um...

Will, I don't really know how to say this, but I don't wanna get...

Don't wanna get what?

A ticket. I'm double-parked outside.

Whoa, whoa, hold up, baby. Come on, come on, come on.

That ain't what you wanted to say.

Look, there is nothing that you can't tell the man that you're gonna marry.

I don't wanna marry you.

See?

It wasn't that hard, was it?

[GROANS]

[CARLTON LAUGHS]

You're thinking of Lisa again, aren't you? Pfft.

Lisa who? Girl, what you talking about? I'm playing Scrabble.

D- U-M-P-E-D.

"Dumped."

And you also made "lonely," "shocked" and "pathetic."

No, no, no, Ashley. That's mine. I'm "pathetic."

Yeah, you're right, Ash. Look, I can't concentrate.

Maybe we should do something else. Let's watch some TV.

Carlton, I think Montel is on.

ANNOUNCER: Next on Montel Williams...

Women Who Won't Marry and the Losers Who Ask Them.

Give me that.

MAN [IN SOUTHERN ACCENT]: Yes, folks, at Willie's World of Wheels... we lease every kind of transportation imaginable.

Lease a truck, lease a car, lease a van, lease a bus, lease a tractor.

G, to the kitchen, please.

Come on, Rain Man.

VY: Hey, babe.

Are you hungry, baby?

[WILL SIGHS]

Not especially. Come on, you've got to eat something.

All right, just give me the same thing Uncle Phil has.

Just make mine a single-sized serving.

Here you go, sweetheart.

Hey, thanks a lot, Aunt Viv.

Oh, can you cut up my chicken finger for me, please?

Of course, dear.

Uncle Phil, my biscuit needs some butter.

Then I suggest you butter it.

My God, man, I'm in a wheelchair.

I've noticed.

I've noticed a lot of things lately... like you moping around here, acting all helpless.

You can do some things for yourself, you know.

Sir, when you're finished eating, I've pre-pasted your toothbrush upstairs.

Thank you, Geoffrey.

You should be happy, Uncle Phil.

You didn't want me to get married and now I'm not.

Will, we know you're upset about Lisa.

Look, you know what? I just wanna forget that she ever existed.

I never even wanna hear her name again.

Which reminds me. Lisa called.

Come on, Will, it's time to go to therapy.

Oh, no. I'm not going anywhere with you.

Every time I get around you, I wind up getting hurt.

You are so accident-prone.

Will, I am really disappointed in you.

[SIGHS]

Please, not another lecture.

Well, someone has to say it.

Being in a wheelchair is no excuse... for wearing the same shirt two days in a row.

WILL: Hilary.

Look, you don't know what it's like to lose a fiancée.

Hello?

I was engaged last year, remember?

Bungee accident? Oh.

Sorry, Hil.

You would think hitting the concrete like that would've made more of an impact.

Sorry.

Will, we were gonna spend the rest of our lives together.

But we never even would've been engaged if he hadn't been so persistent.

God, I must have turned him down like 10 times before we even went out. Ha.

Really?

You know what made me finally change my mind?

That big old rock he put on your finger?

Well, besides that.

It was knowing that no matter what I said or what I did or how I acted... he would always be there for me.

The point is, Will, if she really means something to you... take a lesson from my fiancé.

Don't give up.

God, I miss him.

Poor, poor...

Tip of the tongue, Will. Please help me out.

Trevor. Trevor. Thanks.

WILL: Wait, Hilary.

Hey, you know what? I think you're right. Maybe I did give up too easy.

I'm gonna call Lisa right now. LISA: Will.

Damn, you got good ears, girl.

We need to talk. Yeah, you got that right.

Hilary, do you mind? Oh, no, go ahead.

Oh. Duh.

Hey, look, Lisa... No, Will.

When I said we needed to talk...

I meant that I need to talk and you need to listen.

Will, you are stupid.

Well, stupid is as stupid does.

Well, what is that supposed to mean?

I don't know, but the movie made like a half a billion dollars.

So I say one thing that you don't wanna hear and that's it?

You just shut me out without even letting me explain?

"Will, I don't want to marry you" seems pretty self-explanatory.

Well, you're wrong.

Will, I love you.

But I feel like the only reason you asked me to marry you... is because you're feeling vulnerable right now.

Well, getting sh*t kind of has that effect on a brother.

I understand that, but what's gonna happen... when you're back on your feet and feeling like yourself again?

Baby, I don't wanna have to sh**t you every six months just to hold on to you.

Look, Lisa... when that b*llet hit me, I gotta admit, it scared the hell out of me.

But it made me realize... that maybe I don't have all the time in the world like I thought.

I mean, who's to say what's gonna happen tomorrow... or next week or the week after that?

All I know is that I love you.

And, Lisa, believe me, that is never gonna change.

[SIGHS]

Well, in that case, the answer is yes.

Yes?

Ha, ha. Yes.

Yes!

[BOTH LAUGH]

Hey, hey.

You wouldn't really bust a cap at me, though, would you?

Not unless I have to. Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha.

So you think we should tell your family? Oh.

I think some of them already know.

[LISA & WILL LAUGH]

Good thing it's the ones on our side.

Come on out here, guys. Give the bride-to-be a kiss.

Time for a toast. Carlton, get some glasses.

Whoa. Dom Perignon, the good stuff.

Tyler and I were saving it for our honeymoon. Ha, ha.

Trevor, Hilary.

Right, Trevor, whatever.

Anyway, I figured it was the least I could do with all the injuries I've caused.

Thank you. It ain't nothing, Hil. Oh. Unh.

I mean, accidents happen.

[WILL YELLS]

[SPLASH]

[ALL SCREAM]