01x08 - Someday Your Prince Will Be in Effect

[bunniefuu]

Mm! Mm, mm.

Have mercy.

Ooh! Mm, mm, mm!

Mm-mm..
W-what's that, Jody?

Yeah, you can pick me up
at 8:00, baby.

Oh, yes, Lord.
Your red tube top.

Asking out magazines, Will?
I don't know.

Even paper products
have some standards.

What's that, Jody? Oh. Oh, no.

That's as tall as he'll ever be.

Hilary, you know
I don't like wearing costumes.

But, dad, I'm coming to Hilary's
party as a ballerina.

Well, that's the one thing
I wanted to come as.

And it's taken? Tsk!

So sorry.

Please, daddy,
I want my Halloween party

to turn out really good.

Couldn't you wear
like a very tailored

clown suit or something?

Come on, Uncle Phil, man,
you just throw a hairpiece on

and come as Mr. T.

Yeah, dad.
We're all wearing costumes.

I have some bad news
for both of you.

- You're not invited.
- Why not?

Every time I have a party,
you spend all night

trying to hit on my girlfriends.

Wait a minute, Hilary.

Everyone in the family
is invited.

Besides, I'm sure Carlton
and Will have dates.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- They're just Oodles.
- Oodles.

Huh! Well, I guess
all things are possible.

We better get going.

I need to get my costume and
the mall closes in eight hours.

Well, we all need costumes.
Let's go.

- Won't this be fun?
- No.

Come on, Philip.
Get in the Halloween spirit.

Boo.

So, what's that, Carlton?
Uh..

You do not have a date
for tonight.

Like you do?
Who are you taking?

Uh, page 42?

Carlton, all I have
to do is walk in a mall

and I get any girl I want.

It's the law of nature.

It's called the survival
of the handsomest.

Will, I don't even
have to step into the mall.

Girls surround me
in the parking lot

and rip the doors off my car.

Would you like to put your money
where your mouth is?

Ah, a betting man.

I bet you that I get a date..

...and you don't.

This is a sucker bet, Will.

Within an hour,
I'll have a gorgeous date

and a great Halloween costume.

You better buy the mask first.

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story
all about how my life ♪

♪ Got flipped turned
upside down and I'd like to ♪

♪ Take a minute just sit right
there I'll tell you ♪

♪ How I became the prince
of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all sh**t' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're movin' with your auntie
and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I begged and pleaded
with her day after day ♪

♪ But she packed my suit case
and sent me on my way ♪

♪ She gave me a kiss and then
she gave me my ticket ♪

♪ I put my Walkman on and said
I might as well kick it ♪

♪ First class yo this is bad ♪

♪ Drinking orange juice
out of a champagne glass ♪

♪ Is this what the people of
Bel-Air living like? ♪

♪ Hmm this might be alright ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said Fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I could say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo holmes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo holmes smell ya later ♪

♪ Looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the Prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Yo, yo, yo, baby. Ooh!

How about some fries
to go with that shake?

Sorry, I'm in no
fat head diet.

Xcuse me, gurl,
would you like to do the limbo

under a coconut tree?

Will, do you mind railing in
your tongue for one moment?

Now, before we all go
our separate ways

I think it's right for me
to determine

where and when
we all are gonna meet.

Now I think 5 o'clock
should be ample time

for all of us to shop
for costumes.

We'll meet back at the car
at 5 o'clock sharp.

- Mwah! Bye..
- Now get going. Good luck.

- Bye-bye.
- Alright.

And, Hilary, keep an eye

on your little sister.

Don't worry, mom,
I see shopping at the mall

as an educational experience
for Ashley.

When I see more and more young
people shopping by catalog..

Well, don't get me started.

Alright, Philip,
I'll see you at the car

at 5 o'clock
with the costume?

Oh, geez, Vivian,
can't I wear a black robe

and go as a good marshal?

Come on, Philip, be creative.

Surprise me?

Okay.
How about Sandra Day O'Connor?

[chuckles]

[instrumental music]

Alright, Will. Let the great
pick-up contest begin.

Carlton, this is gonna be
about as much of a contest

as Mike Tyson
versus Fred Savage.

Welcome to Croissants Aplenty.
I'm Cindy, your waitress.

Yo, what's up, Cindy?
Uh, I'm Will.

And this is Carlton, my geek.

Cindy, we need
a woman's point of view.

Which one of us
do you find more attractive?

May I take your order?

I'll have the goat cheese
and the prosciutto croissant.

Y'all got any ribs?

Okay, back to the bet.

A date is defined as a female

who arrives at the party
by midnight tonight.

Uh, and let me clarify
something for you, Carlton

she has to be a human being.

I saw you looking in
the pet store.

Hilary!

Stop by later.

We have just got
a stretch velvet suit

that has your name
written all over it.

Be sure to hold it for me,
Ramon.

Love you.

Hilary, I really
don't think this store's

gonna have my ballerina costume.

Ashley, sweetie,
you don't wanna come to my

Halloween party
as a boring ballerina.

But, Hilary, I wanna come
in something pretty.

There. You're Charlie Chaplin.

- Who is Charlie Chaplin?
- He was a silent movie star.

So take a hint.
Let's get my outfits.

"Outfits?"
How many costumes do you need?

At least five.
I'm going as a runway model.

[instrumental music]

Anything I can
help you with today, sir?

No, no, I'm just browsing.

Well, actually,
I'm supposed to be shopping

for a Halloween costume.

Oh, what's this?

Oh, it's one of those things
for finding

your lost keys, huh?

Yes, but this one
is totally new.

Are you constantly misplacing
your keys?

Just touch the button
on the hands in locator unit

and the keyring emits a gentle
and insisting beep tone

to alert you to the whereabouts.

Oh, that's nice,
but what's new about that?

Well, suppose you misplace
your primary locator unit.

Just use the equally handsome
secondary unit

and listen for the primary
unit's own distinctive warbling.

[beeping]

That's a great idea.

Well, what's this?

It's a Dynatronics audio
habitat enhancer.

Oh, I could use one of those.
What does it do?

It produces a pleasant,
relaxing ocean sound

drowning out any unpleasant
noise pollution.

Do you have that problem
in your house?

Oh, boy, do I! My wife's nephew.

The first week
he moved in with us

there was nonstop drumming
in the house.

[drum music]

What the devil was that?

I believe the technical term
is a rime sh*t.

Who did it?

Utter speculation, of course

but my guess is Master William.

Will..

[drum music]

[indistinct singing]

Will!

Will!

Will!

Vivian.

What?

Ashley, honey..

...where is your violin?

- Big Sal has it.
- Big Sal?

He owns this really great store
where you don't need any money.

You just go in and give him
something you don't even want

anymore and he gives you
this ticket.

- And then--
- A pawnshop?

You took her to a pawnshop?

Yeah, it was really hard,
too, man.

Y-you don't have
too many pawnshops in Bel-Air.

You know, that's really a shame.

You know, I had to go
all the way to East LA.

East LA?

They gave me a great deal.

They gave you a set of drums.

And...I made them throw in
a little gift for each of you.

- Close your eyes.
- Vivian!

I want my present.

- Okay, open.
- Huh..

Oh, Will, what a lovely
antique necklace.

What is this?

Daddy, it's a diamond.

No, it isn't.

- You don't like it?
- No, I do not.

Can I have it?

How dare you pawn her violin!

She don't even
like playing it no more.

She will learn to like it later.

A young woman
who can play a violin

is an accomplished young lady.

Yo, a girlie that can play the
drums can write her own ticket.

Will, I want the best
for Ashley.

When I was a kid,
I loved classical music

but my parents
couldn't afford lessons.

I used to stand out in the
parking lot of the Philharmonic

hoping to catch a spare note
on the night air.

Philip, when I met you,
you were into James Brown.

He liked James Brown?

He even wore his hair like him.

[laughing]
He had hair?

You know,
it is possible to like

both classical music
and James Brown.

And I could not agree more.

So let's let Ashley play
whatever she wants.

She spent an entire year
on the violin.

So if she wants to try something
new, let her.

You tell him, Aunt Viv.

And as for you, young man..

Love you.

The next time you decide
to visit a pawnshop, don't.

- Now, are we clear on that?
- Yes.

[Geoffrey clears throat]

Master William, there is a young
gentleman downstairs

with a rather large radio
who is here to see you.

He claims his name is Jazz.

Yo, word up. Send him up.

Now, now,
who is this Jazz fellow?

Yo, I heard the boy at a club.
He is all of that.

I hope he's gonna be
Ashley's new music teacher.

Mr. Jazz.

It's nice to meet you, Jazz.

How do you do? I'm Mr. Banks.

You got that right.

Man, you're loaded!

Yo, what's up, J?

Come on, Philip,
let's just leave them alone.

I asked her to take him,
take her to her lesson--

I know, baby. I know.

You can tell mama all about it.

Ash, how about let Jazz
get busy one time?

[drumming]

[indistinct singing]

[instrumental music]

Excuse me, I'm looking for that
store with the safari clothes.

I can't remember the name,
but I think

there's some produce in it.

- Banana Republic.
- That's it. Thank you.

You know, you have a beautiful
speaking voice.

You're probably
a dynamite singer.

Well, I'm okay.

You want to record your own
song? Hm? $8.95.

I really have to shop
for a Halloween costume.

Well, that's too bad, because
you're the first person I've met

who I think could make a
professional, quality recording.

♪ What do you get
when you fall in love? ♪

♪ You only get lies and pain
and sorrow ♪

♪ So far at least
until tomorrow ♪

♪ I'll never
fall in love again.. ♪♪

- Hi, may I help you?
- I think so.

You look like a woman
with good taste.

Tonight is my sister's
Halloween party

and I was wondering
if you can honor me by..

...showing me that pen.

Oh, certainly. This pen
was manufactured in France.

It has a 14-karat gold nib

and it's hand-lacquered.
The price is--

Do I look like the kind of man

who would quibble
about a few dollars?

Well, that's very nice

because most of my customers
would be shocked

at a pen that costs $300.

[gasps]

[hip-hop music]

Aren't these dancers great?

Oh, you like dancers?

I think dancers are the sexiest

guys in the whole world.

Word? Hey, yo baby, peep this.

[hip-hop music]

The easy-to-read digital display

keeps constant track
of your vital pencil supply.

As you remove the pencils
from the sturdy

ABS plastic container, the
powerful micro-computer brain

continuously updates
the LED read-out

and when the number reaches
your preset re-supply level

the pencil monitor
alerts you to the shortage

and reminds you to take action.

[automated message]
'Only three pencils remain.'

'Proceed to stationery store
immediately.'

Oh, I'll take it.

Yeah.. Oh,
but I better get moving.

I'm sure my wife has picked out
her costume by now.

[instrumental music]

♪ You're a no good
heart breaker ♪

♪ You're a liar
and you're a cheat ♪

♪ And I don't know why ♪

♪ I let you do
these things to me ♪

♪ My friends keep telling me ♪

♪ That you ain't no good ♪

♪ But oh they don't know ♪

♪ That I'd leave you
if I could ♪

♪ I guess I'm uptight ♪

♪ And I'm stuck like glue ♪

♪ 'Cause I ain't never ♪

♪ I ain't never ♪

♪ I ain't never no no ♪

♪ Loved a man
the way that I ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh yeah ♪♪

[applauding]

Hi, Shauna.
I'd like to try these on.

Hilary, hi. I didn't even see
you come in.

I was just getting my overview
of your new stock.

- It is all wonderful.
- Oh..

Wait till you see
what I've held for you.

[gasps]
Thank you!

It is so important
to have friends in retail.

I've tried to explain
that to my little sister.

Hilary, I'd love to meet her.
When are you gonna bring her in?

Oh, she's right here.

[sighs]

- Ashley, say hi to Shauna.
- Hello.

Anyway, I need some outfits
for my Halloween party tonight.

Oh, that should be fun.

As long as my cousin Will
doesn't ruin it.

You should have seen what he did
at our last party.

[upbeat music]

Oh, my God!

Philip, Philip, don't make a big
thing out of it.

If this is
how he feels comfortable

he's not k*lling anybody.

Philip, aren't you going to
introduce Will? Introduce him.

[clears throat]

Well, Steve, David, Henry..

...this is Will,
my nephew by marriage.

Will, these are my partners

in the law firm of
Furth, Winn & Meyer.

Hey, Earth, Wind and Fire.

When's your next album
coming out?

Uh, Will is going to go to
Bel-Air Academy with Carlton.

Oh! Good for you, Will.
I used to fence at Bel-Air.

Really? How much do you think
we could get for that stereo?

[clink]

[clinking]

[b*at boxing]

Will, there are other people
at this table.

Oh, you're right.

Any requests?

Sweetie, would you say grace,
please?

Yes, mommy.

[clears throat]

♪ Hey there Lord
my name is Ashley Banks ♪

♪ My family and friends
want to give you some thanks ♪

♪ So before this dinner's
all swallowed and chewed ♪

♪ Thank you God
for this stupid food ♪♪

[machine beeping]

Excuse me.

Let me see that hat.

Okay, but I don't think
it works with that outfit.

- Did you pay for this?
- No, I guess I forgot to.

Uh-huh.
But you just had to have to it?

[scoffs]
Me? You've got to be kidding.

Derbies went out six months ago.

Let's take a little walk
to the security office.

You can give me your fashion dos
and don'ts there.

I knew I should have
gone as a ballerina.

♪ Big wheel keep on turning ♪

♪ Proud Mary keep on burning ♪

♪ And we're rollin' rollin' ♪

♪ Rollin' on the river ♪

♪ Oh rollin' rollin' ♪

♪ Rollin' on the river ♪

♪ Do do do do do do do do ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Oh ♪♪

[indistinct chatter]

Okay, uh, people, let's go.
Let's move along.

There's nothing to see here.
No show.

Let's go come on. Move along.

Move along, people please.

♪ Listen homeboys
don't mean to bust your bubble ♪

♪ But girls of the world
ain't nothing but trouble ♪

♪ So next time
a girl gives you the play ♪

♪ Just remember my rhymes
and get the hell away ♪

♪ Just last week when I was
walking down the street ♪

♪ I observed this lovely lady
that I wanted to meet ♪

♪ I walked up to her
I said hello ♪

♪ She said hey you're kind of
cute I said yes I know but ♪

♪ By the way sweetheart
what's your name? ♪

♪ She said my friends like to
call me exotic Elaine ♪

♪ I said my name is the Prince
and she said why? ♪

♪ I said well I don't know
I'm just a hell of a guy ♪

♪ But enough about me
let's talk about you ♪

♪ And all the wonderful things
that you and I can do ♪

♪ I popped some trash
and in a little bit of time ♪

♪ I showed some cash
and the girl was mine ♪

♪ Well then
that's when she said that ♪

♪ She wanted me
to be her one and only ♪

♪ She said lay down baby doll
I'm getting lonely ♪

♪ All of a sudden
out of the blue ♪

♪ A door slammed and a voice
said baby where are you? ♪

♪ Distinctively I panicked
my heart full of fears ♪

♪ She said that's my boyfriend
babe you better get outta here ♪

♪ Her boyfriend busted in
he grinned an evil grin ♪

♪ He said boy I'mma tear your
butt limb from limb ♪

♪ I was scared as hell
where was I supposed to go? ♪

♪ I just yelled Geronimo
and jumped out the window ♪

♪ Just my luck
we were in a snow storm ♪

♪ I didn't even I had my
underwear on to keep my warm ♪

♪ And to top the night off
I had to break in my place ♪

♪ Because my keys
were in my pants back ♪

♪ On Sheila's book case ♪

♪ I was done sneezing
and coughing ♪

♪ I hope this doesn't
happen too often ♪

♪ But nevertheless don't mean
to burst your bubble ♪

♪ But girls of the world ain't
nothing but trouble

♪ So next time
a girl gives you the play ♪

♪ Just remember my rhyme
just remember my rhyme ♪

♪ Take heed to my rhyme
and get the hell away ♪

♪ Hey man girls ain't nothing
but trouble man ♪

♪ Yeah I hear that I dig it ♪

♪ Yeah well
can't live with 'em ♪

♪ Can't live without 'em ♪

♪ Better take care of that eye ♪
♪ Yeah man ♪

♪ Alright y'all stay cool man ♪
♪ Alright chill Prince ♪♪

[upbeat music]