02x07 - The Big Four-Oh

[bunniefuu]

[grunts]

Mmm!

Are you busy, Will?

No, not really.

So, what's up?

Um, well, they're
kind of having

cheerleader try-outs at school

and I sort of thought
about going.

But, you know, that's
kind of a stupid idea

so I sort of blew it off.

Oh, well.. Ha-ha.

Well, I think that
being a cheerleader

is kind of a, you know

a sort of a...good idea.

- You think I have a chance?
- Of course, you do.

Yo, back in Philly,
the girls had this cheer, right

that, yo, really got
the crowd hyped.

They used to be like this.
They used to be like..

♪ We b*at 'em we dissed 'em ♪

♪ We kicked their butt good ♪

♪ But that was kind
of stupid y'all ♪

♪ We in their neighborhood ♪♪

Run!

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story ♪

♪ All about how my life
got flipped ♪

♪ Turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia,
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out, maxin'
relaxing all cool ♪

♪ And all sh**t' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're moving
with your auntie ♪

♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought
nah forget it ♪

♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled
to the cabbie ♪

♪ Yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Philip, this skirt used
to look better, didn't it?

This didn't used to be here.

- Does this look better?
- Oh, yeah.

Now you look just like
Yul Brynner in "The King And I."

- Philip.
- Vivian..

You look great
and you always will.

You are the best-looking
40-year-old woman

in this hemisphere.

Philip, I am not 40.

I Will not be 40 until
7:08 tonight.

7:09 if you count my feet.

And one hour later
you and your feet

are gonna be at the world's
greatest birthday party.

Oh, Philip, you've gone to
so much trouble.

I'm so sorry.
I'm such a grouch.

Oh, baby, that's okay.

Nobody's thrilled
about getting..

...not young.

But look what
you've accomplished.

You're a full professor

you've got three great kids

and a husband who's tall,
dark and loaded.

How many people
can say that at your..

...zip code?

[instrumental music]

Man, Carlton, that's kind of a
smooth tie you got there, man.

- Let me check that joint out.
- Sure.

It's silk twill,
hand sewn in Italy.

That spider's been getting on my
nerves all day, man.

Check this out. I dotted the
"I" on the Armani.

Will, I thought about it
all weekend

and I decided to sign up
for cheerleader try-outs.

Are you sure, Ashley?

You'll have to wear
an indecently short skirt

make a spectacle of yourself
in front of your whole school

and ride on a bus with a bunch
of sweaty teenage boys.

Gosh. I hope I get it.

I'm sure you Will, Ash.
Hey, let me see your moves.

Uh, well, okay.

♪ Two bits four bits ♪

♪ Six bits a dollar ♪

♪ All for Hollingsworth
Preparatory Institute ♪

♪ Stand up and holler ♪

♪ Yay school ♪

I take it back, Ashley.
That was incredible.

- Thanks, Carlton.
- Alright.

Well, what do you think, Will?

That was, uh, kind of

dignified, Ash.

- Would you like some help?
- Oh, thank you.

Oh, you're welcome.

Well, I spent
the entire day shopping

for the perfect gift
for us to give mother

but it was worth
the sacrifice.

She is going to love it.

Ta-da!

Oh. No, wait.
That's for me.

Oops. For me again.

Oh, here it is.

Hilary, what's wrong
with you, girl?

I gave you two week's salary

and you got a pot holder?

Shh.
I hear her coming.

- Happy birthday!
- Happy birthday!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here, Hilary, sweetie
these are for you.

I don't think short skirts
are
appropriate for me anymore.

Mother, I've been meaning
to talk to you

about how you look
in diamonds.

[instrumental music]

There's Stacy Cooper,
the dean's daughter.

You know, I heard her mother had
some extensive plastic surgery.

Carlton, that is her mother.

(Carlton)
What happened to the rest
of her chins?

Oh, yo, they look good
down there.

Thank God. I got to the mall
right as it was closing.

They made a huge fuss just
because I asked them to turn

the escalator back on.

Anyway, our present
is going to be perfect.

It's a very conservative
long wool skirt.

- Hi.
- 'Hi, Vivian.'

- How are you?
- 'Good to see you.'

Mom, isn't that your costume
from Halloween?

You know, the year you came
as Tina Turner?

It certainly is.

You're not going to sing
"Proud Mary Again,"are you?

Well, I might. The night is
young, baby and so am I.

My life is great.
This party's gonna be great

and I look fantastic.

Yeah, mom, you do.

- I look stupid, don't I?
- Oh, baby.

[instrumental music]

Oh, Philip, this has all been
just perfect.

Oh, has? Oh, no.
The night's not over yet.

- Surprise!
- Surprise!

[applauding]

♪ Yo yo yo
we're here to display ♪

♪ A look at a woman
who's 40 today ♪

♪ She's smart and well-dressed ♪

♪ So just to give thanks ♪

♪ This is your life
Vivian Banks ♪♪

Ahem.

(Will)
'Remember 1951?'

Oh, yes.

'Remember Chuck Berry?'

'Remember hula hoops?'

Me, neither.

[laughing]

(Will)
'But that was the year
that Vivian Smith was born.'

Oh..

'Eat your heart out La Toya.'

[laughing]

(Carlton)
'In just a few short years'

'little Vivian starred
in her first dance recital'

over a quarter
of a century ago.

'The seasons came and went.'

(Hilary)
'The sixties.'

Oh, no.

The dark ages of fashion.

Yet Vivian braved the afro,
the dashiki

and the platform shoe.

'She went off to college with
dreams of being a dancer.'

'Time marched on.'

(Ashley)
As the days turned into years

Vivian got a teaching degree

got married,
and moved to California.

'The years rolled by.'

(Carlton)
'Today Vivian Banks has matured'

'into a successful
college professor'

'outstanding wife and mother'

and a tribute
to middle age.

[laughing]

[applauding]

Hold it, y'all.
Hold it, hold it.

Now, see, a lot of people
make
jokes about being 40

but we not livin'
like that here

you know,
'cause 40 ain't old..

If you're a giant sequoia.

[laughing]

After all, life begins at 40.

Oops, did I say life?
I meant gum disease.

[laughing]

No, really, really.

Forty is just the beginning.

The beginning of the end.

[laughing]

What we're trying
to say here is..

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday dear Vivian ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

[fire alarm blaring]

[screaming]

What is going on?

The candles, sir.

The system really isn't equipped

for that kind of heat.

[instrumental music]

Two returns in two days.
How humiliating.

The second time I had to
pretend I was my own twin.

- Well, what did you get her?
- This is mom proof.

Any professor would
be proud to carry this

whether she's wearing
a dress or a G-string.

Of course,
with that second outfit

attendance would sh**t up

among other things.

Where's your mom?

She hasn't come down since we
got home from school.

She's probably gonna be
moody and depressed.

So let's try to be
understanding, okay?

Sure.

- Hello, everyone.
- Hi, mommy.

Isn't it a beautiful day?

Good call, Uncle Phil.

Oh, Philip, I had the greatest
day, thanks to you.

That party really helped me put
things in perspective.

Last night, I realized that
my
career has gotten in the way

of the thing that's
the most important to me.

Oh, that's wonderful, honey.

Well, I hope you know
I'm behind you

whether you want
to be a professor

or a loving wife
who devotes her day

to supporting her
hardworking husband

and keeping an
immaculate home.

Oh, I'm glad, because
I've made a decision.

You're going to vacuum
in that?

No! I'm going to dance.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Well, I'm all set
for dance class.

Has anybody seen my keys?

Where's my purse?

Where's my car?

Aunt Viv,
maybe I should drive you.

I got to go down
to Jazz's anyway.

Oh, I'd appreciate that, Will.

Mom, before you go,
could you sign this

so I can go to
cheerleader try-outs?

Oh, Ashley,
I am so proud of you.

Oh, sweetie, I know you've
wanted to do this

since you were a child,
but just remember

no matter how nervous you
get,
don't give up.

No matter what the odds.

Even if you feel
foolish leaving

an important position
at your school

you have to hold
your head up high

walk out that door,
get in your car

and follow your dream.

Y'all remember that movie

"One Flew Over
The Cuckoo's Nest?"

[instrumental music]

The Israeli folk dancing class
is down the hall.

Is this advanced jazz?

- Yes.
- Then I'm in the right place.

So, anyway, last summer
I was in "A Chorus Line"

and "Oklahoma."

Really? I was in
"West Side Story"

"Gypsy," and "My Fair Lady."

(female #1)
'Really?'

Actually, the last thing
I was in was the supermarket.

[laughing]

I guess you could say,
you know, I'm into

all types of
artistic endeavors.

You know..

I like dance,
the theater, opera.

I'm a pretty
cultured brother.

Wow, just like that, huh?

Okay, we'll start
in a minute. Up.

Alright, class.
Let's begin.

Warm up. Space it out.

And five, six, seven, eight..

And contract, hup.

Five and six, head,
seven, eight.

Hup..

Hup.

'Fingers open.'

Spread 'em out. Head look.

Contract. Release. Hup.

'And turn it around.
Extend and pose.'

Hup. Repeat.
Five and six and seven, eight.

Hup.

'Arms up. Contract.'

'Hup.'

Arms up..

[instrumental music]

So, mom, how was dance class?

It was like heaven

except, except the angels
was doing splits.

It was hell on Earth.

So, how was dance class?

Great!

- Ow.
- Mm-hmm.

You know, Vivian, maybe you
jumped into this too fast.

You might just need to relax

and I have just the thing.

Two first-class
tickets to Hawaii.

- Ooh!
- Ooh!

- Philip, how could you?
- Huh?

I just thought you might want
to take it easy.

Easy? Easy?

Philip, I took it easy
20 years ago

when I got that
teaching degree.

I don't want to take
the comfortable road anymore.

And you shouldn't have to.
Hand over the keys to your Benz.

No one is gonna stop me
from being a dancer.

Now, there's an audition
in three weeks

and I am gonna take
every class I can.

I'm gonna show the world
that Vivian Banks can dance!

[instrumental music]

Well, this is it.

The audition.

I guess I better
get going, huh?

I guess I'm a little
nervous,
but that's silly.

Why should I be nervous?

I just have to do
a few dance steps

in front of a professional
choreographer

and a roomful of
20 year olds

who've been dancing
their whole lives.

I'm gonna go to bed
and eat a cheesecake.

No. No, no.

Vivian, you're gonna go
to that audition

and you're gonna give it
everything you've got.

Thank you, Philip.

Yeah, go get 'em, Aunt Viv.

You know, Uncle Phil,
most husbands wouldn't

want their wives
running off half-naked

to a bunch of bulging,
masculine dancers

that's gonna be grabbing 'em
and lifting 'em

in places their husbands
forgot existed.

I guess that's what trust
in a marriage is all about.

Thank you, Will.

'Vivian!'

[instrumental music]

Excuse me. There's
an audition here today.

I know.

Auditions usually

require dance training.

You haven't been
to any classes.

Unless you count Lamaze.

Actually I've been taking
private instruction

with Natalia Barashkova.

The dancer?

No. The obstetrician.

Okay, people.

We're looking for three
of our leading roles.

So, let's get started.

We have to learn
this combination.

Okay, five, six..

Five, six, seven, eight.

Uh, one, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.

'Down, up and rock and rock.'

And one, two, three, four

and five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.

One, two.. Head, head, head.
Over up.

Hop, hop. And walk, and walk.

And walk, and step, step.

Double turn, down, cross,
swing around

up, change.

Okay..

Let me have my first four..

Uh..

Let's have you

you..

'Uh, you, and you.'

'Come on down.'

Everybody else.

♪ Everybody dance now ♪

Alright? Ready? Here you go.

Five, six..

Five, six, seven, eight.
Uh, one.

[cheering]

♪ Give me the music ♪

♪ Give me the music ♪

♪ Everybody dance now ♪

♪ Everybody dance now ♪

[cheering]

'Alright.'

'Alright. Very good.'

'Okay. Uh..'

'Next four..'

(male #1)
'Are you ready?'

'Five, six, seven, eight.'

♪ Everybody dance now ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Oh.

So, uh..

You're home.

So, uh..

Is there anything, uh..

...you know, new?

Audition go okay?

Oh, it was better than okay.
It was great.

They offered me one
of the lead roles!

[indistinct cheering]

Hey, that's great, Aunt Viv.
Hold on, when's the cast party?

I want to sit next to that honey
that was doing the splits.

Hold it. Hold it, guys.
I am not gonna do the show.

- I turned down the part.
- Alright!

I mean,
if that's okay with you.

Philip, for the last 20 years

I have wondered if I could have
made it as a dancer.

And now I know I could have..

...twenty years ago.

Whoo, these have been the
hardest three weeks of my life.

There isn't a part of my body
that isn't aching for ben-gay.

But I miss books.

I miss my kids.

And do you know what
I miss the most?

What, honey?

Haagen-dazs vanilla
Swiss almond.

[chuckling]

[instrumental music]

I wish I could have seen
those kids' expressions.

Sounds like you left them
dancing in your dust.

Philip, do you think I'm old?

Of course not.

Do you think I'm pretty?

Woman, look in that mirror
and tell me what you see.

I don't know.

Well, let me tell you.

I see every great thing

a man could possibly
want in a woman.

Eyes so dark and deep

a man could get lost in
them.

Skin the color
of mahogany..

As soft as satin.

A body fit for a Goddess.

Look how beautiful you are.

Look.

Look how beautiful
you are.

Why do you think I make it home
by 6 o'clock every night?

I thought it was for those
little cheese things

Geoffrey makes.

[laughing]

Well, it's not.

Ah, ah.

[instrumental music]

You too tired
for one more dance?

Oh, baby, not with you.

Oh, oh, Philip!

Maybe I should sit
this one out.

An even better idea.

♪ Let's get it on ♪

♪ Let's get it on ♪♪

Hey, hey, hey. Say hello
to miss pom-pom. Aah!

- Ashley, you made cheerleader!
- Yes!

Will's cheer did it.

Go on. Show 'em your moves.
Show 'em your moves.

Okay, Will,
but you'll have to fill in

for little Bobby Greenspan.

Okay, that'll be swell.

Come on.

One, two, three, four.

♪ Woof woof ♪

♪ Woof woof ♪

♪ Your school is whack ♪

♪ Your school is whack ♪

♪ Wherever y'all came from ♪

♪ Just take your butts back ♪

[instrumental music]

You look great,
and you always will.

You are the greatest
40-year, uh..

Any professor would
be proud to carry this

whether she's wearing
a dress or a G-string.

Of course,
that second outfit

you know,
would do something.

[laughs]

I do know my line.

'You know, it just slipped
my memory for a second.'

'But I know it.'

'I know what it is!
I know what it is!'