01x06 - The Bleak Shall Inherit the Earth/Makin' History/Lobster Boy Movie Trailer

[bunniefuu]

-NARRATOR: One boy...
-Yeah!

-NARRATOR: One worm.
-You know it.

(GROANS)

(BEEPS)

NARRATOR: These are their adventures.

(ROARS)

(WHOOPING)

Sweet!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

-Whoo!
-All right, yeah. Pretty fun. Future-Worm.

(BELL RINGING)

Future-Worm,
I still can't believe a member

of Titanium White
is our new music teacher.

They're the sickest band of all time.

Then why is he teaching
a lame music class?

I'm not sure. But he left the band
under mysterious circumstances.

Maybe he'll give us
the untold story after he signs my merch.

(EXCLAIMS)

(HEAVY METAL PLAYING)

(MAN GROWLING)

Keep the lights goin', all right?

Hello, class!

And yeah, I'm Tawny Bleaker,

the Tawny Bleaker.

I'll let that sink in for a sec.

Wow!

Some of you may know that
I basically founded one of the most...

Come on. You're not bringin' it!

(SWITCH CLICKING)

Like I said, I founded
one of the most successful bands ever

before leaving under
mysterious circumstances.

I've been told not to discuss that.

I've been told to teach you
to play recorders.

(GASPS)

But recorders stink.

I hate them.

(WHIMPERS)

Instead you're gonna learn how
Titanium White kicked me out of the band

for being too talented
and way too good looking.

-You know it!
-Ooh, brother!

The year was .

Back then everybody had long hair.

Titanium White was
rising to super stardom because of me.

Flynn did mention
"Titanium White" as a name first,

but I recognized that it was a good name.

Obviously the only reason
they kicked an actual genius out

was 'cause they were jealous.

And that's how all those dudes
conspired to rob me of my destiny.

(STAMMERS) Bunch of jerks.

Mr. Bleaker, will you sign my merch?

Please, please, please...

Show's over, you pleebs.

No autographs. (SOBBING)

(SIGHS) I can't believe it.
Doesn't he know I'm their biggest fan?

CHADD: (SCOFFS) I doubt it!

'Cause I'm a bigger fan than you.

Yeah, right, Chadd!

Since when do you care
about Titanium White?

Yeah, Chadd, take a lap.

Um, since my dad ran out
of mini-snowmobiles to get me

and I needed a new hobby.
Check it out, please, if you would.

(EXCLAIMS)

That was me doing sound effects
for your reaction.

Oh, wow! That's some nice merch, too, pal.

I know 'cause I have all of it.

That doesn't mean you're a bigger fan!

No, but this does.

Oh, you don't have a selfie with Flynn?

Or CC Sultana? Or Jayce T?

Or even, oh, oh, Blurch?

Oh... Ouch, you are not much of
a fan after all, are you?

(CHUCKLES)

(IMITATING ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYING)

-Blurch.
-(GRUNTS)

Stupid Chadd!

Thinks he's a bigger fan
just 'cause he gets selfies with the band!

-I'll show him!
-Yup.

Showin' him you're above all
that junk will drive him nuts.

Pssh, what? I got to figure out
a way to one-up him.

Then I'll (IMITATES FALSETTO) him.

(SOBBING)

I wish I could go back in time
and make them all quit the band.

Then I'd be the rich and famous one!

DANNY: I know! We go back
in the time machine lunch box...

-Huh?
-to when Bleaker was in the band

and get the rarest pic ever!

Time machine lunch box?

Wait! Wait!

Take me with you...

(SCREAMS)

(GROANS)

Hey, wait a second,

you're not Past Bleaker,
you're Teacher Bleaker.

It worked? It worked!

-(LAUGHS)
-(THUDDING)

Lord Bleaker. The populace
is once again ready to rock out.

Huh, what?

I got a dumb feeling about this.

Hey, wait! Stop!

(GRUNTS)

What're you... Doing?

This doesn't seem right.

AUDIENCE: (CHANTING) Bleaker!

(METAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(AUDIENCE CONTINUES CHANTING)

Finally!

(AUDIENCE CHANTING AND CHEERING)

Dang! By hangin' onto the lunch box,

Bleaker must've yanked us
into an alternate reality.

(HOCKS AND SPITS)

We're in a sick and twisted Bleakerverse!

Told you we gotta start
booby-trapping the box.

But no! (IMITATES DANNY)
"It's not right to hurt people

"with hand-guillotines, Fyootch."

Whoa! That sounds just like me.

-That's good.
-(CHUCKLES) Thanks.

I've been working on that one.

BLEAKER: Yeah, I'm Bleaker!

Let's rock and roll!

(PLAYING GUITAR)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Uh... Yeesh!

Bleaker's the worst bass player
I've ever heard!

And he's kind of a jerk, too, huh?

You think this bass-playin' is bad,

steer clear of Doug's band
during his mid-life crisis.

(SHUDDERS) And his fedora.

Luckily he ditches it pretty quick
'cause he's allergic to the feather.

(LAUGHS) Now let's bounce.

These alt-reality pocket dimensions
are all paradox-y and unstable.

Fabric's tearing right
in front of us. See?

Wait a second...

(GASPS) An alternate dimension selfie
with the band?

You win, sir. You win.

You'll always win.

(GRUNTS)

Uh, what're you doing?

Okay, Fyootch, come on.

We gotta get the band back together

so I can get a selfie with
everyone, to outdo Chadd.

You seriously care if that bratty turdlet
says he's a bigger fan than you?

Check that ego, kid.

Ego-schmeego!

Hop on and let's find that band!

Well, this place is tearing apart
real quick, kid. We don't got much time.

Here we are, Fyootch!

-Look familiar?
-Uh...

Hmm. Is this that town

we sh*t into space and lost by mistake?

Nope. Oh, yeah, we should try
and find that soon, though!

The T-Dub dudes, they grew up here!

Yeah! And their worst fear
was being stuck here forever!

So this is where Bleaker
must've stashed them.

(GASPS) It's worse than I thought.

Bleaker songs / ?

(GROANS) Can you imagine
a worse place to work?

I don't imagine nothin' about workin'.

Not when I got these babies
workin' for me.

Overtime! Billed by the hour!

$ . . Independent contractors.

You know, you get it.

(KIDS LAUGHING)

DANNY: No! This is what Titanium White's
stuck here doing?

We need to snap them out of it

and get them back to
their normal selves ASAP!

Yo, D, we doing this
'cause you wanna help 'em,

or is this about topping Chadd?

Uh, little of both. Come on.
This'll take two seconds, man.

-(BAND PLAYING MUSIC)
-(KIDS LAUGHING)

Thank you!

You may now approach the feeding troughs.

(KIDS EXCLAIMING)

Flynn, my man!

You and the others gotta come with me!

Oh, no, did we violate
the Bleaker Protocols again?

-Please don't...
-What?

No. I'm your guys' biggest fan!

Way bigger than Chadd Gold!

-Who?
-You're a fan of food shovelers?

No, I'm a fan of your true selves.

As Titanium White,
the greatest rockin' hair band ever.

(METAL MUSIC PLAYING)

See?

I'm changing!

Oh, yeah, me too.

Uh-oh, they're reinventing themselves.

Everybody down!

(GRUNTING)

-(GASPS)
-Whoo!

I remember now, we rock!

-(PLAYING GUITAR RIFF)
-(ALL VOCALIZE)

Awesome!

Uh, yeah, guys, and Lord Bleaker

requires your presence
to rock out with him!

All right. Let's go!

Let's do it!

-(OFF-KEY BASS PLAYING)
-(ALL GROAN)

Lord Bleaker. You rock mightily,
but the populace requires sleep.

You saying they're bored?

You think you're better than me?

I command you to self-destruct!

All of you!

-(EXCLAIMS)
-(PLAYING BASS GUITAR)

(ALL GROAN)

-(METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
-(GASPS)

Whaa!

Titanium White?

Yep. We're getting the band back together.

You know what that means,
selfie time with Danny.

Let's go, come on!

No! (LAUGHS)

I'm the rich and famous one.

(EXCLAIMS)

-(PLAYING MUSIC)
-Whoa!

Now this is some rare merch!

Way better than a selfie.
Come on, let's go.

Yeah, about time.

(GRUNTS)

-Why can't we leave?
-Dang!

Because Bleaker helped create
this reality, we can't leave without him!

(ALARM BLARING)

(BLEAKER LAUGHING)

-(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
-Oh, no!

(SCREAMS)

Worship me or be destroyed, peons!

We really are gonna bite it, man!

And it's all because I wanted to prove
I was better than Chadd Gold.

Egos, man. Always steering you straight
into disintegration.

(BLEAKER LAUGHS)

Oh, wait! If my ego can sink us,
maybe Bleaker's ego can sink him!

(LAUGHING)

Dear me, Fyootch!

Oh, no, the perfect Bleakerverse
is collapsing.

Shall we travel to an even more
perfect world?

One where Bleaker gets
the full butt-kissing he deserves?

(MICROPHONE SQUEALS)

Oh, my turn? Yes, uh, Daniel.
We must definitely...

Do that thing you said,

-or whatever. Line?
-Wait!

-He bought it!
-Of course he did.

BLEAKER: Wait!

You can't have a perfect world without me!

(GRUNTS)

(ALL LAUGH)

(GASPS) What! No!

Back in the classroom.
Everything taken from me!

Again!

I may not be a rock god anymore,
but I'm still a teacher!

And I still hate Titanium White.

(GASPS AND STAMMERS) That's my merch.

My merch. (WHISPERS) My merch.

Well, there's one class
you won't be getting an A in.

-At least you got to meet the band.
-Eh, it was cool.

Tough break, Chadd.
Here, you should have this.

-(METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
-(GASPS) What is it?

Alternate reality versions
of Titanium White

that got stuck in this weird
snow globe thingy.

Enjoy!

(STUTTERS) This is the rarest merch ever!

No true biggest fan would give it up!

Which makes me the biggest fan.

(IMITATES PLAYING GUITAR)

Merch!

Cool by me, Chadd.

Hiya, boys! How was your day?

Mine was pretty cool.

BOTH: Fedora!

(SNEEZES)

NARRATOR: Future-Worm!

(BELL RINGING)

And Maude, your report will be
on the Children's Revolt of .

(CHEERING) Yes!

A report on the most spectacular
magician escapes in history?

I'm so excited I can't feel my face!

(ALL CLAMORING)

BOY: These topics really cater
to our interests.

Did I miss anyone?

Ooh! Me, Mrs. Frumpenbatch!

Oh! Right.

The topic for your report is, uh...

Lobsters.

What? Why's mine all boring
when everybody else's is sick?

My, my, the grass is always greener,
isn't it, Mr. Douglas?

(GROANS)

DANNY: It's inhumane, man!

Taking notes. Citing sources.

Highlighting!

(GRUNTING)

Fyootch! You gotta help me find a way
to do this that won't crush my soul!

(EXCLAIMS) You gotta get out of
the books and into the action, son!

Let's see here.
(MUMBLING) Lobster Kingdom.

, years ago.

Only lasted a little
before it went bazoom.

My man!

-Later, suckas!
-Come on, let's go.

Whoa!

-(BELL RINGING)
-(LOBSTERS LAUGHING)

Uh, excuse me, do you have a sec?

(SIGHS, MUTTERS) They can't expect me
to do this!

Dude, your teachers
make you do tedious junk, too?

You should skip it
and come to the future with us.

Thanks, but I better get cracking
on this stupid project.

Aw, man!

Psst.

You want the lowdown on lobsters?

All you need is right here...

In these Lobster History textbooks!

-What?
-That's right, I'm a teacher!

I'm a teacher and now you gotta hit
the books.

b*at it, you sea cockroach.

(EXCLAIMS)

Thanks, Fyootch.

Is there any way to escape
this boring crud?

'Member what I said about "bazoom"?

(ALL CLAMORING)

All right!
Who wants to punch a future-ticket now?

(SCREAMING)

Stay! Meet your destiny with dignity!

Doing so assures us
a higher place in future lives!

I see...

buckets of liquid gold

that others shall anoint us with.

In tribute, I assume!

(ALL CHEERING)

Uh-huh! Yeah, okay.
Yeah, I'll go with you.

You all probably think lobsters
are just disgusting sea beetles

rich people smash open and suck on.

Heck, I did, too!

Until I dug in, did the research
and discovered...

Lobster Boy!

(CLAPPING FAINTLY)

And he'll tell you the rest.

So, there ya go.
That's what us lobsters are all about.

Bravo, Lobster Boy!

Enthralling!

I'm sorry most of the children's questions
were about

how your people use the bathroom.

KID: We have a right to know!

(RINGING)

DANNY: So rad!

Thanks to you, Lobster Boy,

I rocked that report and I didn't even
have to cr*ck a book open!

Sweet! What's next for us, guys?

Now, it's on to our next adventure!

So, back in the lunchbox for you.

What? You can't just take me back!

The comet! It was gonna
destroy everything!

I hear you, but, y'know, one-worm,
one-boy team here and all,

so hows about we take ya to the future?

They got good food, you know.

This is the future to me!

And I think I've come to love it!

You've only seen this room.

There's more?

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

(SCREAMS) What is that?

That? That's football.

(WHISTLE BLOWING)

I have to do it! I have to!

Please, Danny, teach me to football!

Me? I don't know, LB.

Football's not really my thing.

I can maybe teach you how to
build a time machine or something?

(EXCLAIMS) Can't ya see, man?

Football's all I've got now!

My home, my family, they're all gone!

(SOBS) All gone!

Keep him talkin',
I'll start nudgin' him towards the box.

No way, man!

(SIGHS) Oh, boy!
I took him out of his world.

I'm responsible!
And I kinda owe him for the easy A!

(SOBBING) Someday, someday
it'll be you out there, LB.

Wearing number one.

Number one to symbolize my one
and only wish I've ever wished,

to play football.

Come on, LB,
we're gonna help you get your football on!

You're tellin' me that a lobster boy
wants to play on my team?

More than anything I've ever wanted
in my entire life in your world.

Yeah, he's pretty pumped on it.

You think I'm gonna
take on a rookie lobster

that doesn't know
a pooch kick from his cephalothorax?

Yes?

Ha! You gotta be kidding me, kid!

So take that Lobster Kid of yours
and kid your way outta my coaching space!

Clear off!

(SIGHS)

I'm gonna do what I should have done
in the first place.

Ah, finally...

I'm going to study.

Better sit this one out.

I'll learn everything about football,
and then I'll teach you!

Oh, really?

(SPITS) Let's do this!

(' s MONTAGE MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) Do, do, do, doo

Do, do, do, football

Learn to football

Let's learn to football!

Let's practice football
'til the dawn's early light!

You're gonna use your claws
You're gonna know the plays

You're gonna keep your spiral tight!

Do, do, do, doo

Do, do, do, football

Do, do, do, doo

Learn to football

'Til the end of the night!

Yeah!

(GASPS) My lungs! I'm dyin', Fyootch.

(MUMBLES)

-(WHISTLE BLOWS)
-COACH: Danny Douglas!

What're you doing on my field, son?

Taking a catnap? Clear off!

We got practice in five! Not you!

Been watching you.

Gotta heckuva throw,

and you're right quick
on them lil' pereiopods.

(BLOWS WHISTLE) Looks like
we've got our new star quarterback.

-Sweet!
-Yeah, Lobster Boy! Yeah!

-(ALL CHEERING)
-Best quarterback ever!

Wait, I'm a football star
and I'm popular? (LAUGHS)

-We did it!
-Great!

I'll never forget you,
Davey, and you either, Future-Snake!

Ugh! Smells like lobster sweat!

We bust our butts all week,

and he thanks us
with a sweaty towel to the face?

Coulda at least let me suck the meat
outta one of his claws or something.

(SIGHS) I'm wiped, man.

That was way harder than reading
those lobster books would've been.

But at least I've got this lil' guy
to handle my math homework!

Oh, hey there!

I'm from a planet
where we simply love pointless homework!

It was gonna blow up
so Danny brought me over here!

Now shut this dang thing
so I can get back to my work! Whoo-hoo!

(CHUCKLES) Look at him.

NARRATOR: Future-Worm!

NARRATOR: The story of a Lobster Boy,

who dared to dream...

LOBSTER BOY: Ever since
I was a little lobster boy,

all I wanted was to play football.

Lobster Boy?

Son, you's hardly
more than a crawfish boy.

What makes you think
you can play on my team?

Just give me a chance, Coach!

Son, you just don't have
the heart for this game.

I do have heart,
and a combination liver-pancreas!

That's what the green stuff
inside the shell is!

(SCREAMS) That's what the green stuff is!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Red ! Red ! Hut!

(ALL CHEERING)

(WHISTLES) Wow! Who is that?

That's Lobster Boy,
and he's my new starting quarterback!

NARRATOR: But life rolls in faster
than the tide.

I'm yours, now, and you're mine.

Lobsters don't belong in football!

Either that freak goes, or we're all
pulling our kids off the team!

Son, I ain't got no choice.
You're off the team.

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

Cowards!

(SNIFFS) You never told me
you were a lobster, Lobster Boy!

Hope! Hope! I can't lose you!

(SOBBING)

NARRATOR: But on the path to glory,

sometimes the best protection

is a tough shell.

COMMENTATOR: What's this?

They say they won't play
without the Lobster Boy!

(CHANTING) Lobster Boy! Lobster Boy!

You must be the guy who asked about
the job inside our lobster t*nk, eh?

-Yeah.
-Okay, yeah. Get in.

PLAYERS: (CHANTING) Lobster Boy!

Lobster Boy! Lobster Boy!

Lobster Boy! Lobster Boy!

Lobster Boy! Lobster Boy!

NARRATOR: Lobster Boy.

(CHANTING CONTINUES)

Huh? Hope!

You came back!

I was here all along, Lobster Boy.

But I need to tell you something.

-Huh?
-My full name is Hopelius-V.

I've actually been sent here
by the Solar System Senate.

Only you can save outer space
from an inter-dimensional menace.

(BEEPS)

-Are you in?
-(CHUCKLES) Oh, yeah.

(SCREAMS)

(LAUGHS)

NARRATOR: Lobster Boy:
Battle for the Solar System.

Based on a true story.

Sneak preview tonight.
In theaters everywhere Friday.

What? They're making
a movie about Lobster Boy?

-Whatever!
-They're not making a movie

about this lobster boy!

Pass the butter!

(SINGING) Do, do, do, doo

Do, do, do, football

Do, do, do, doo

Learn to football

Do, do, do, doo

Do, do, do, football

Do, do, do, doo

Learn to football