03x02 - Will Gets Committed

[bunniefuu]

Shabba!

- Will, get your feet off the furniture.
- I'm sorry about that, Uncle Phil.

- Why aren't you doing your homework?
- No, see, I was just...

How many times have I told you
not to eat on the couch?

And while we're on the subject...

It's kind of fly, right?
Don't you wish you lived on TV?

Must be what it sounds like to wake up
in Little Richard's crib.

What's with Dad, anyway,
waking us up at 6:00 a. M?

Now I'll never know how that dream ends.

She dumps you, Carlton.

Hey, look, all I'm saying is,
just 'cause he own the crib...

and pay all the bills and everything,
he think he can tell us what to do.

Now, I don't know about y'all,
but I ain't having it.

I think it's time for somebody
to straighten him out.

Step to it, Ash.

Will, we're going to go down
and help rebuild the old neighborhood...

and I don't want any attitude from you.

What?

I had a fabulous time, Wesley.

Why don't you come in?
Don't be silly, they won't be up for hours.

Night, Sister Mary Margaret.

Daddy, have you lost weight?

Hilary.

Sister Mary Margaret drives a Porsche?

Man, they must got it going on
down at the convent, huh?



Hilary, what were you doing out all night?

I wasn't out all night,
I just got up early to go to mass.

- We're not Catholic.
- Well, is my face red. Good night.

Hold it, young lady. I want you
to go upstairs and change your clothes.

We're meeting Reverend Williams
and the church group in half an hour.

Excuse me?

Y ou said you'd come down to the old
neighborhood with us. Remember?

I also said Daddy lost weight.

Hilary, go change your clothes. Now!

This is too important.
I'm not gonna let you get out of this.

Boy, Uncle Phil and Aunt Viv
sure are hyped up...

about going down
to their old neighborhood.

Brother, I can just hear them now:

"Look, kids, this is where we lived
when we first got married.

"And this is the little park
where we walked little Hilary."

"And, look, there's the pet store
where we bought little Carlton."

I think it's cute. They're going to be
mushy and lovey-dovey all day.

Vivian, what the hell is the matter
with you?

Y ou've been avoiding me ever since
I got home yesterday. What did I do?

Come on, tell me. Is it something that
I did, or something that I didn't do or...

Oh, my God.

Happy anniversary, sweetheart.

- It's not our anniversary, Philip.
- Oh, God, good.

Well, what is it?

- Y ou're wearing that shirt.
- Why not?

It's my around-the-house shirt.

I've worn it around the house
every weekend for years.

That's what I mean.
Philip, you have become so predictable.

Vivian, don't you think you're being
just a wee bit erratic this morning?

Absolutely not.

Philip, look at my hair.
I can't go out like this.

I gotta go to the salon.

Well, you went yesterday, sweetheart...

that's why we couldn't
have lunch together.

Right, you're right.

Henri tried something new, do you like it?

Will, what do you think?

Will!

Well, actually, Aunt Viv, you got a...

kind of a Don King...

Kris Kross, Bride of Frankenthing going.

Not many people could pull it off.

Y ou know, as you're proving, right, but...

What, Carlton?

Vivian, where were you yesterday?

sh**ting baskets with Michael Jordon.

Y ou know,
Clair would never talk to Cliff like that.

What, Carlton?

Y o, my brother, when the going
gets tough, the tough gets going.

It's Hammer time.

Sorry about that, man, you know,
you have to excuse my cousin...

you know, he's an idiot.

Carlton, can you please relax, man?

Okay, I won't say another word.
I won't even make eye contact.

Oh, God, what a stallion.

Time to saddle up.

Y o, what's up, baby?

Hurry up, write your number down
before I don't want it no more.

I'm sorry. How are you doing?

I'm Will and this is my cousin, Carlton.

Hi, I'm Simone.

Thanks for coming down.
I'm going to show you what to do.

And I'm going to buy you a car.

No, thanks.

But I do need a strong pair of arms.

That would be me. I got that.

Carlton can't help you,
he's on the debate team.

Really, I'm captain of my debate team.

Simone, where you want me
to go with this?

How about over there somewhere,
like, say, Cleveland?

Tell me to go to Cleveland,
mushroom head.

Well, I guess we better get busy.

All right!

Oh, right.

Listen, Simone, why don't you
come by the school on Monday...

we're debating Roe v. Wade.

Oh, reproductive rights!

No, row versus wade,
the best way to cross a stream.

Y ou've got a great sense of humor.

Y eah, I know.

- What's the matter?
- It's just a splinter.

Better let me take a look
at that finger for you.

- Damn!
- Problem, sir?

It's Vivian.
I don't know what's gotten into her.

This morning she told me
that I've become too...

- Predictable, sir?
- Y es, that's exactly what she said.

- She said that I wear the same...
- Blue shirt every weekend, sir?

Y es, I mean, just because a man has...

Froot Loops every morning.

- Just because I watch...
- Lega/ Beag/es every night.

Does that mean
that I've become predictable?

Absolutely not, sir.

Why, you're a regular
hotbed of spontaneity.

- Y ou're welcome.
- Thank you.

Hilary, why doesn't anyone want my soda?

Because your soda's flat.

Do you believe this mess, man?
I thought we was here to work.

Don't even sweat it, man. Most of those
fools ain't coming back here, anyway.

A few more months, everybody's
conscience will be cleared...

and things will be back to status quo.

Half these people don't even understand
what really went down here, man.

Y eah.

- Hey, I'm Noah, man.
- Hey, what's up? Will.

And then when I was 12, I played Maria...

in an all-boy production
of West Side Story.

Carlton, slow down.

I want to hear more
about your collection of Sea-Monkeys.

Will you marry me?

Well, there go the nerdyweds.

Vivian, wait.
Now, you cannot avoid me all day.

Now, where were you yesterday?

Philip, I love you sweetheart.
Trust me, you're my husband.

And, as your husband,
I have a right to an explanation.

And, as your wife...

when I think of something,
you'll be the first one to know.

Don't... I'm not finished
with you yet, woman.

Well, I'm through with you, man.

Y eah, that's right, I'm bad.

Man, I'm b*at.
Got blisters on top of blisters.

Y eah, me, too.

Hey, so what time
you coming back tomorrow?

I can't make it tomorrow, man.
I got school and everything, you know.

Oh, yeah. Well, I'll get with you
next weekend, then.

Oh, man. Well, I can't make it
next weekend, you know...

I got a date on Saturday
and then I got a ball game on Sunday.

- So, you know how it is, man.
- Y eah, I know how it is.

Y ou're not coming back.

Wait, hold up, man, I'm coming back.

No, you're not, man.

I bet you feel pretty good
about yourself, don't you?

I mean, you come down here,
do the right thing...

then you go home patting yourself on the
back 'cause you helped out the poor folk.

Hold up, man. Y o, I'm from Philly.
We had to save up to be poor.

Why you sweating me like this man,
what's up?

'Cause, you're just like all the rest of them.

Y ou come around here with the X cap
and them cool Doc Martens...

and you're all "dope"
and "word to your mother."

And you think that makes you committed?

Let me tell you something,
this ain't no game.

And if you think that it is,
then maybe you should go home...

'cause you're not welcome here.

Tell Dan Quayle I said, "What's up."

Now I'm not welcome here, right?

Well, you got your story
a little wrong, homey.

This community appreciates me.

I don't even know Dan Quayle.

Hey, I'm going to
knock your head off, slimeball.

Y o, man!

Help!

Shut up, bad man.

Put your hands up and
put down the toaster.

Put your hands up in the air,
put down the toaster.

Make up your mind, man.
What do you want me to do first?

Will! What the hell is going on in here?

Dad, don't do anything stupid,
you haven't updated your will yet.

Oh, my God. Hector?

Y eah, what? Wait...

Wait a minute, I know you.

Y eah, ain't you
the guy from Fami/y Matters?

- Y es!
- No, I'm Philip. Philip Banks.

- Curly?
- Y eah.

Oh, my God!

Curly? They must go way back.

Vivian, come here quick.
Oh, my God, what's it been, years?

Oh, I don't believe it. It's Hector Alvarez.

Oh, kids, look it's Hector.

Hector!

How are you?

- Y ou look wonderful.
- So do you.

- Who's Hector?
- I don't know, but be nice to him...

he's got a bat.

Stay where you are, punk.
I caught this little creep stealing.

I'll go call the police.

I got a quarter.

Now, hold on. Hector,
there must be some mistake. This is...

y eah, this is our nephew, Will.

Y ou mean little Willie from Philly?

But, of course, who else could it be
with those muy grandes orejas?

- What does that mean?
- Big ears.

Hector, let me see that bat for a second.

I'm sorry about the bat, folks.
Y ou know, I guess I'm a little jumpy.

I've been robbed a couple of times, man.

- I'm sorry to hear that, Hector.
- Y eah.

Come on, now, kids,
you remember Hector.

I'll remember him now!

Sweetheart, before you were born,
we used to live here.

Right above Hector's grocery store.

Wait, this is the old apartment?

Hector, I love what you've done
with the place.

Well, we didn't have a lot,
but we always had enough to eat...

- thanks to Hector.
- That's right.

Even if you didn't have any money,
you had all the food you needed...

long as he liked you.

I guess y'all was in love then,
huh, Uncle Phil?

So, Perry Mason, how is the crusading
business coming, man?

Are you still fighting
for little guys like me?

Well, I'm still fighting,
but it's corporate mergers mostly.

So you're not working out
of a little storefront anymore?

Well, no, my office has gotten
a little bit bigger...

but it's just a few miles from here.

Y ou work in Beverly Hills, Uncle Phil.

Beverly Hills. Hey, Curly, that's terrific!

Hey, maybe now you can pay me back
for some of those Ring Dings?

He ain't doing that well.

Hector, I just cannot believe
our old apartment went up in flames.

Y eah, there's been
a lot of changes since you've been gone.

It's still nice to have you back.

Well, look, I'll be downstairs.

Y ou know what?
I never gave you kids a wedding present.

Best of luck, huh?

Y ou know, Aunt Viv, Uncle Phil, I used
to love coming out here to visit y'all.

Hey, Ashley, check this out.

This is where Aunt Viv
used to measure how tall we was getting.

- Look, here's me.
- Will, there's you.

Look, there's Carlton.

Y ou know, Aunt Viv, Uncle Phil, there was
a lot of love shared in this room.

Don't even think about kissing me.

Hilary, time to set the table.

Baby, why are you throwing your doll
in the garbage?

Well, I tried flushing her
down the toilet, but the little creep floats.

I want a new doll.

Baby, it's all we can afford right now.

With all the free legal aid
your daddy gives...

we're barely covering expenses...

but there are more important things in life
than fancy clothes and big houses.

What have you been smoking?

Y o, Uncle Phil,
how you going to play a nephew?

On his behind, Will.

That honey was about to invite me up
for some milk and cookies.

That honey was old enough
to be your mother.

Word up, and she was divorced, too.

Parents just don't understand.

Hey, big guy,
got time to read me a bedtime story?

Sure, Carlton, what's it going to be?
Cat /n The Hat or Curious George?

No, The Wa// Street Journa/,
the part where AMC goes belly up.

Are you sure we're all related?

Mom, Dad, I've been thinking it over...

and I've decided what I want to be
when I grow up.

What, tall?

- That's nice, honey, what?
- President of the United States.

Well, that would make me
very proud, Carlton.

Imagine, my son,
the country's first black president.

I'm black?

Hello?

One second, please.
Philip, it's Mr. Firth from the law firm.

Hello, Mr. Firth?

Y es.

I would love to meet
with the other partners.

Next Thursday is great. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

All right, hold it now.

Don't want to get anybody's hopes up...

but Mr. Firth wants me to come back
for a second interview.

I'm rich! I'm rich!

I'll pack our bags.

Maybe we can get a place
close to the Reagans.

Did I ever tell you folks
how much I like visiting?

Hold on, now. Hold on.

Now look...

even if I do get this job, nothing changes.

This is our home
and this community is a part of our family.

And I'll never turn my back on it.

We had some good times in this old place.

We sure did, baby.

Our roots are here.

This is where we started our family.

Man, I wonder if that
divorced lady still live here?

She probably like 127 or something...

y eah, and we made
some very good friends here.

But we haven't fulfilled
our commitment to them or to this place.

Look, you know, Uncle Phil,
I think I will come back...

you know, next weekend.

Hook up with my man Noah,
set up a schedule.

Y es, I think I'll hook up with Simone
and make out a little schedule of my own.

I'm going to go sign up for next week.

So, the house will be empty next week?

Great! I'm going to plan a party.

I guess you're really disappointed in me,
huh, Vivian?

- Why?
- 'Cause I sold out.

Did everything I said I wouldn't do.

Became a high-powered lawyer...

bought that house in Bel-Air,
and never looked back.

Philip, honey, you shouldn't feel guilty
about your success.

Baby, nobody gave you anything.

Y ou have worked hard for everything
you've got.

Y ou've been generous
and you've contributed to a lot of causes.

It takes more than just writing a check.

I've lost myself, I've lost my fire,
my passion.

Y ou're right, Vivian,
I have become dull and predictable.

- Philip.
- I want to be the kind of man...

you fell in love with. I want to be
open to risks, I want to take chances.

Oh, Philip, do you mean it? Do you?

I'm afraid it's too late.

I've chased you away.

Philip, what are you talking about?

I know where you were yesterday.

Y ou're having an affair.

I don't blame you,
I'm just going to k*ll you.

Oh, no, is that where you thought
I was yesterday?

What?

Y ou mean, you weren't with another man?

- Of course not.
- Lucky for you.

Philip, I was afraid to tell you
because I didn't think you could take it.

- Y ou didn't think I could take it.
- No. But now I know you can.

- Philip, I was at the doctor's yesterday.
- The doctor's!

Philip, I'm pregnant!

So you're not working out
of a little storefront anymore?

Well, no, my office has gotten
a little bit bigger...

and I only... And, it's pretty good.

- Hold it!
- Oh, you don't say.

- That's all right.
- Y eah.

Stuttering.

Bad word!