04x17 - When You Hit Upon a Star

[bunniefuu]

- I'm in.
- I call.

- Me too. What you got, man?
- Oh, it's so pretty.

It's just so pretty. If I had
two sets of lips, I'd kiss myself.

Tr*mp aces.

Well, it's 9:30. Time to turn in.
The Peacock's catering a big party...

...tomorrow night
after Michelle Michaels' concert.

I suggest you get some shuteye, mister.
We'll be melon balling at 0600.

I can't believe you'll be hanging out
with Michelle Michaels.

She is a goddess.

Please, she put her bra on one cup
at a time just like everybody else.

I'd pay big money to see that.

Save your dough for Friday night.

What's Friday night?

There's people coming. We're gonna
watch the fight on Pay Per View.

Look, Will, I have better things
to do with my Friday nights...

...than sit around, watching
some stupid boxing match on TV.

Well, you overlooked
one small fact, Carlton.

- What's that?
- You weren't invited.

Whoa, now, hold it.

Now, don't think of this just
as a backstage pass.

Think of it more as a merit badge.
What are you going to do to earn it?

You got to do something.
You know what I'm saying?

What's up? What you gonna do?

Will, we have a crisis situation.

The glasses have spots on them.

Oh, my God.
Why didn't you come to me sooner?

Hey.

Relax, squeeky.
It's just a dumb old party.

You don't look at the big picture,
do you?

Today, Michelle Michaels,
tomorrow, Gloria Estefan.

And then, dare I dream,
Michael Bolton.

Lan, I didn't feel like
anything was clicking tonight.

You sure the new songs are working?

Three words, babe, fabulous.
Am I right?

Look at that. Everybody jumping.

People act so stupid
when celebrities get around.

I need a reality check.

You, waiter.

- Come here.
- Me?

Yeah, you.

Miss Michaels wants to see me.

- Have you heard my new record?
- Oh, well, sure, baby, who hasn't?

- It's magic, isn't it?
- Right, sister.

Please.

Do you like it?

Well, you got some beats.
You do got some beats.

And you mix some lyrics with your
beats, and you blended them.

- Be honest.
- I think it stinks.

I apologize, Miss Michaels.
He's from a foreign land.

Back to work, Vladimir.

Carlton Banks here.

I balled your melons.

Get out of here.

So...

...is there anything
you do like about my record?

Oh, yeah.
That cover is slamming, you know.

How long it take you to get all
that honey off you, girl, you know?

You look all sticky and everything,
you know.

I'm sorry.
I'm just acting stupid, you know.

- Yeah.
- I'm just tripping.

I can't believe that I'm actually
talking to Michelle Michaels.

And I can't believe
I'm actually talking to...

Who are you?

Will Smith,
of the Philadelphia Smiths.

So, honest Will.
Did you like the show?

I've been back here. I couldn't
hear anything. All I heard was:

I really didn't have it going on,
but next time I'm gonna kick it...

...and maybe you could be there.

- Yeah, I'm with that. That's a good idea.
- Yeah.

I need to get back to work.

- See you later?
- Yeah.

All right.

You know, Miss Michaels,
I thought your album stunk too.

She only wanted to know my opinion.

Will, I cannot believe Michelle Michaels
actually spoke to you.

Hey, I checked her coat.

Really?

I wonder who'll play
you in the movie of her life?

You know what, Will?

Maybe I'll get you Michelle Michaels'
new CD for your birthday.

Oh, my goodness, that's right.
I do have a birthday coming up.

You know,
it just totally slipped my mind.

Now, now, listen.

Nothing too fancy. Something
in a hatchback will do just fine.

You're impossible to surprise, so this
year, we're not doing anything special.

Okay, we're all set. Birthday reservations
at Wolfgang Puck's new restaurant.

Hilary.

Oh, that's all right.

Don't worry about it.
Aunt Viv, you can still surprise me...

...with that red sweater
you hiding in the upstairs closet.

Wolfgang Puck, huh?

You were great. He fell for it.

Now he'll never suspect
we're giving him a surprise party.

We're giving him a surprise party?

I am proud to announce
Miss Michelle Michaels.

Are you stalking me?

No, I just wanted to see you again.

It was so nice to talk to somebody
other than a hysterical fan.

- Yeah.
- Oh, my God, Michelle Michaels!

Your second song on your third album
is so cool.

Who was Omar?
Is he your boyfriend?

- He is so fine. You might never...
- Ashley, please.

Hilary Banks, TV weathergirl.

Pardon my little sister. She doesn't
know how to talk to celebrities.

So, Mich.

How about a song?

Oh, hello there. I'm Philip Banks.
This is my wife, Vivian.

We're not hip,
so we don't know your music.

It's nice to meet you anyway, though.

- Now, let's give them some privacy.
- Yes, come on.

- Come upstairs.
- It was nice meeting you, Michelle.

It's good to see you again, Michelle.

- Miss Michaels?
- Yes?

Don't think of me as just a manservant,
think of me as a pleasure dome.

Thank you.

Thank you, G.
Thank you very much.

- Well, that was embarrassing.
- No, they're sweet.

So do you wanna come
to my concert tonight?

You can watch from backstage.

Oh, goodness.

See, tonight is dime-a-frame
bowling night, you know.

Top scorer gets those cute little shoes
and I just couldn't miss that.

I'll send a limo for you at 6.

Then, after the concert, she took me to
this fly restaurant called Chez Pinette.

Chez Pinette?
Isn't that up near San Francisco?

Oh, did I forget to tell you-all?

She flew me up there
in her private jet.

- What?
- Michelle has a private jet?

Listen, she got a private jet.
She has yacht.

Does she have a brother?

Well, I don't know.
I'll find out tonight.

We're going to
the Golden Choice Music Awards.

They got us sitting between lke and Tina
just in case something flare up.

Hey, y'all, don't wait up.

Hilary, is the coast clear?

No, there's gonna be patchy
morning fog with limited visibility.

I meant...

...is Will gone?

- Yeah, he's gone.
- Let's talk about this party.

Okay, Hilary, you are getting the DJ
and I arranged for the caterer.

Why do I have to pay for a caterer
if I have a butler?

Philip complains.
That only leaves the cake.

All set. I ordered
a Sunny the Seal ice-cream cake.

His sleek little body is made
of chocolatey goodness...

...and he balances a ball of tutti-frutti
sherbet on his buttercream nose.

You are way too into this.

I guess at your age, birthdays
are no longer a cause for celebration.

I'm giving up a hair appointment
with Sergai...

...to hang out with Will
and his loser friends.

Will's friends are not losers.

Greetings, y'all.

Jazz, to what do we owe
your presence?

My guess would be inbreeding.

I'm taking care of the entertainment
for Will's party.

I've already shelled out for a DJ.

Perfect. Now we have music
for my stripper.

Oh, no, You are not bringing
a naked woman into my house.

Oh, no.
You don't understand, Mrs. Banks.

She don't come in naked.

Where is Will?
He was supposed to be here at 7.

- That's it. I'm leaving.
- Where are you going?

Sergai keeps the salon open till 9.

I'm gonna see
if he can squeeze my head in.

Mr. Banks, can I borrow 50 more bucks
for Princess Lalet?

Otherwise, she gonna leave.

Let her go. I've spent
enough money on this party.

Here's 100 dollars.
No telling when Will will come back.

Well, he didn't leave a message
on the answering machine.

Maybe that's him now.

Will.

You're an hour and a half late.

What, do you mean
you can't make it?

Friends? What friends?

So, birthday boy, you having fun?

This is the best birthday I ever had.
I always wanted to try skiing too.

- You did great.
- Well, yeah. Except for that one run.

I'm just glad that the Saint Bernard
didn't have to suffer.

Oh, I've been wanting
to check this out over here.

- Hey, what does this button do?
- No, Will.

- It's the moon roof.
- Oh, and that's funny?

You think that...? Okay, no, no.

No, what are you doing?
Don't. Come down.

Come inside, it's freezing out there.

- Come up, babe, it's great.
- There's no way. You're crazy.

I said, come up here.
You ain't with me?

- No.
- Well, take that, then, girl.

- How's that?
- All right, that's it.

Oh, what you gonna do?

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

I'm frozen solid.

Really?

Well...

I was thinking...

...maybe I could warm you up
a little bit.

Wait a minute.

I'm sorry. You know, I just got
caught up in the moment.

Oh, hell, yeah.

Greetings from Aspen.

Let me tell you, what a night.

You open up the hot tub...

...and the neighbors come out.
You know what I'm saying?

I didn't even mind Bruce and Demi,
you know.

I really didn't mind Arnold and Maria.

But Frank and Kathy Lee came over
with that little dude Cody.

He made bubbles in the Jacuzzi
without the jets on.

You know what I'm saying?

Nasty little dude, you know.

You have got a lot of nerve, Will.

Right, big guy?

Oh, yeah, right, right.

Will, this Maria Shriver...

...full-figured gal?
- Philip?

Will...

We were throwing you
a big surprise party.

Oh, you were? I'm sorry.

I thought we was just
gonna have dinner.

A cleverly orchestrated ruse, bub.

And to think, I laid out 50 big ones
on your damn cake.

And not just any cake.

I got you that really neat one
in the commercials.

The one that goes:

Carlton.

All right, okay.

Look, I said I'm sorry, all right?

Well, look, I know somebody
that wants to hear...

...about my snowball fight
with Denzel.

- Yo, Hil!
- Will, no!

- Yo, Hil!
- Will, no, no! Don't go up there!

- Will.
- Ashley, what is wrong with you?

Will, I don't think Hilary
wants to see you right now.

Why, what did I do to her?

You made her miss
her appointment with Sergai.

She had to settle for his assistant.

So what?

Damn.

And I mean that...

...in the nicest possible way, Hil.

I look like a troll doll.

Hilary, don't you think
you're overreacting just a tad?

Sleep with one eye open.

Look, come on, guys.

Cut me some slack here.
Now, Uncle Phil.

Now, if you had a choice
between an ordinary...

...yet very thoughtful birthday party,
and hitting the slopes with a superstar...

...which one would you choose?

You mean,
which superstar would I choose?

- Well, if I had to...
- Philip.

Will.

Michelle Michaels may not feel
as serious about all this as you do.

Does that look like
she's playing, Aunt Viv?

She gave it to me in Aspen.

Where are you going?

She's taking me
to see the fight in Vegas.

What about the fight party
you excluded me from?

You got the guys coming over
to watch it on TV.

You know, I'm glad you
reminded me, Carlton.

Listen, make sure
they don't let you in, okay?

And there's the end of round one.

This is better than watching
the fights with my Uncle Phil.

I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.

Hey, now, how could I
not be enjoying myself?

I got Vegas, you, me...

...a black dude and a white dude
b*ating each other.

Life is good.

Here, let me grab us
a little something here.

Michelle, I got to tell you...

...ever since the barbecue
at Wesley Snipes' crib...

...I kind of been wanting
to say something to you.

I haven't found a way
to say it quite yet.

But this thing we got going on, I just
feel real good about it, you know.

And I just... Hey, hey, hey!

Hello, who is this?!

Rick Benton.
We sh*t a swimsuit video in Tahiti.

- This is Will Smith.
- Guy?

Michelle, Michelle.

You know, you're even more alluring
with your clothes on.

Isn't he the funniest male model
you ever met?

Oh, wait a minute.

Now I recognize this dude.

I take it you've seen
my calendar, huh?

Yeah, you were the April fool, right?

Look, guy, listen.

Michelle is a one-man woman now,
all right?

- Oh, really?
- Yes, sir.

You might be able to tell
by this ring she gave me.

It kind of reminds me
of this one right here.

So are we all friends now?

Oh, yeah. We found out
we had a lot in common.

Look, black Fabio, listen.

Why don't you
and your Motown-revival haircut...

...go back to your seat...

...shave your chest,
shut up and just watch the fight.

- Will.
- What?

- Round 2.
- Are you squaring off on me, fool?

What you gonna do?
What you gonna do?

Poor Rick. He'll be
in the hospital for weeks now.

How did I know
he was gonna fall on Sinatra?

I think you overreacted.

What am I supposed to do with a dude
putting his hands all over my woman?

Look, besides, he deserved it.

He stole one of your rings.

- Will, I gave him that ring.
- You did?

Yeah, I did. I give out a lot of rings.

Well, I'm saying, this one you gave me
is the last one though, right?

I just gave one to the paramedic.

I was wondering
why he was taking your pulse.

Will.

You're so adorable.

But I think we need
to take some time off.

You're right. I'm gonna play slots.
I'll be back in an hour.

Will.

Sit.

It's been fun.

Excuse me, "been"?

I'm no good with relationships. I thought
you knew. Don't you listen to my songs?

Well, yeah, I do.

Okay... Why...? All right.

There's "Untouchable."
There's "Never Going To Settle."

There's "Wham Bam Goodbye."

Come on.
This isn't goodbye.

You only say goodbye to people
you're never gonna see again.

This is more like...

...see you later.

I'll see you later, Will.

Goodbye, Michelle.

- Hey, good morning, Uncle Phil.
- It was a hell of a fight last night, Will.

Yeah, champ ain't no joke, right?

I was referring to your bout.

They showed that on TV?

From the first shove to when Sinatra
put his toupee back on.

There ain't gonna be no rematch.

When dude get out of the hospital,
he can have her.

She dumped you, right?

Man, you crazy? Yeah.

Well, it was a nice ride
while it lasted, huh?

You know what, Uncle Phil?

I think I loved her.

Bull.

You hardly even knew her.

No, no. Uncle Phil, I knew her.
You know what I'm saying?

I knew her.

You might have known her intimately.

But you didn't know her well.

Come on, face it, Will.
It was the lifestyle you're in love with.

Time out.

You trying to say
that the only reason I loved her...

...was because she was rich
and let me sponge off of her?

Then I love you too, Uncle Phil.

I don't believe you guys did this.

We waited an hour and a half.
What's a couple more days?

- We even saved Sunny the Seal for you.
- Really, where?