01x03 - The Giving Tree

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Pivoting". Aired: January 9, 2022 to present.
Comedy about three middle-aged friends who decide to change the direction of their lives after a loss of a friend.
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01x03 - The Giving Tree

Post by bunniefuu »

Do you think there's sex in heaven?

Coleen loved sex.

AMY: Yeah, of course.
I mean, it's heaven.

I bet everyone looks great
naked with the lights on, too.


She was the first one of al
of us to lose her virginity.

A real trailblazer, that one.

She was such a mentor.

Do you remember at the church carnival,

when she taught us how to
work a churro with our mouths?

Yeah. I ate mine.

- Excuse me. Do you mind?
- Kind of.

I mean, our friend just d*ed,
so we're having a little picnic.


- That's my wife.
- No. I don't...

Pretty sure it's our friend.

Oh, yeah, I'm pretty
sure it's our friend.

I wrote it down.

This is . We're .

Oh, there's her grave. Thanks, Amy.

Oh, you know what? It was a bloppy pen.

- And the cap...
- Hey.

- I'm just trying to get...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got it, I got it, I got it.

So sorry. All right.

Peace be with you.

- Coleen?
- Oh, where is she?

- Here she is.
- Col?

- There she is.
- Found her.

There she is.

♪ Hey! ♪

Hi, welcome to Fields.

I hope you find everything
you're looking for today!

You don't like... That's
my friendly Fields face.

I just... I don't believe you care

if I found everything I'm looking for.

Hi! Welcome to Fields.

I hope you find everything
you're looking for.

- Wow. You are so phony.
- Thanks.

I've been married to Dan for years.

I'm good at faking things.

It helps to fantasize about my trainer.

I'm not here. I'm not here.

I'm just grabbing a vat of
coffee, and then... thank you...

I am taking the kids to the park,

because I'm a hands-on
mother now in the afternoons.

- You hate the park.
- Mm-hmm.

You know you can't just
leave them there, right?

Yeah. I'll be in a car nearby.

- Oh. Ding-ding.

My minutes is up.

I have to get back to register three.

- Hi. Welcome to Fields...
- No.

What time are we going to Coleen's?

Is it still Coleen's, or are
we calling it Brian's now?

No, let's call it Brian's house.

- No, no, no. That's weird.
- That's weird.

Oh, I just got a d*ck pic from Henry.

- Oh, my God!
- No, no, no, no, no.

It's d*ck Clark. Calm down.

I haven't seen a d*ck in a long time,

but looks better than I remember.

Mm. Mm.

Maybe your trainer will send you one.



Uh, maybe... maybe don't dance.

Oh. Store policy?



Oh, my God.

I heard you were working
here, but I didn't believe it.

I'm Diana, the ex-wife.

Oh. Okay.

Hope you found everything
you were looking for.

Paper or plastic? Paper? Great.

Uh, is this life change
because Coleen d*ed,

or is it because of me.

I would just hate to
be responsible for...

- this.
- No, I just...

I wanted a fun job, and this is fun.


You never liked fun
when we were married.

Oh, that's because you
were having all the fun

with our acupuncturist.


I'm worried about you, Sarah.

You know, if you're worried about me,

maybe you shouldn't buy $ .
sriracha on my credit card.

- Nice recall, Sarah.
- Thank you.

I can't afford this on a nurse's salary.

That's why I got spousal support.

- Right.
- [SCOFFS] Fine.

- I will put it back.
- Great.

Um, we don't talk our customers
out of expensive stuff.

Oh, okay. Yeah.

So, she should just have everything?

Yeah. Okay. All right. Yeah.

You'll just get everything.
Yeah. Hey, you know what?

Take this and this and
everything, and you know what?

While you're spending my money,

why don't you just take everything?

Here you go.

Everything. Look at you.

Just take, take, take.

- Oh.
- If you want me to.

[SIGHS] Please take care of yourself.

- Bye.
- Nice to meet you, Diane!

- Diana.
- Diana!

I'm having fun, Diana.

This is fun!

I guess the receipt should go to you.

Uh, there's a coupon for fabric softener

we have on sale th... this week.

Next on line! Oh, there's no one there.

- AMY: Mommy's home from work.

Hi! Oh. Hi.

I thought you were an intruder.

Nope. Just their mother.

I'm still not used to you
coming home in the afternoon.

- Well, get used to it.

Oh, you know what?
It's Mommy's assistant.

Hi, Donna. What's up?

Chef Mary isn't sure she wants
to host the show tomorrow.

She thinks we're too rinky dink.

Rinky dink?

Her specialty's parking lot barbecue.

You can't fix trash.

Okay, can you just get on a
Zoom and I'll kiss her ass?

Let me see if I can figure
out how to log on this time.

You want me to stay with
the kids so you can work?

I have to come back at
: anyway so you can

go to your attractive,
deceased friend's house.

Such an odd thing to say. No, I'm good.

It's just gonna be minutes of work.

I'm a great multi-tasker.

You should see me text and drive.

- Barely any typos.
- I don't mind.

No, I'm good. It's good, good, good.

You go. Okay.

She's dying for me to ask her for help,

but I'm not gonna give
her the satisfaction.

Isn't she your babysitter?

It's a complicated relationship, Donna.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Yes! Perfect!

- Here, I'll take that.
- Huh.

There you go. Great job.

Come on.

That's using your core.

How'd that feel?

Something's not working.

You're not leaving me for Pump It Gym

now that they have
racquetball now, are you?

No, I would never go that.

Okay. I plateaued.

I didn't lose any weight
this week. I feel bulky.

Okay. All right, all right,
all right, lookit, lookit.

The more glycogen stores
and fat you have to lose,

the more "fuel" there is
to work this process, right?

So more calorie burn.

But when you lose weight,
there's less glycogen,

less calorie burn.


So, you're not bulky.

You're beautiful.

- Stop it.
- No, no, no, I mean it.

Come on. Say it to me.

[CHUCKLES] You're beautiful.

No. Jodie, come on. Let me hear it.

- You're beautiful.
- Thank you.

- Come on. Come here.

We're gonna say it in the mirror.

Say it to yourself, right here.
Gimme five. Start now.

You're beautiful, you're
beautiful, you're beautiful.

You're beautiful.

[INHALES DEEPLY] You're beautiful.

There you go. Keep going.

You're beautiful.

You're beautiful.

You're beautiful.


Mom, did you just
call lasagna beautiful?

No. I was calling myself beautiful.

- Because I am.

And so are you.

- Ew, Mom. You're so cringe right now.

I'm going to the mall for dinner.

Hi, Dad. Bye, Dad.

Hi. How was your day?


You're lucky you get to
lounge around all day.

Well, I wouldn't say I lounge.

I cleaned the rugs, did
carpool, made a lasagna,

and, oh, I worked out.

You don't need to work out.

Now that you're , it's all downhill.

Why fight it?

Mm. Good lasagna.

- Love you, Jode.
- I'm and three-quarters.




No, no, no, no! Unsend
my text! Unsend my text!

Come on.

- I want down.
- Okay.

Um, so, uh, okay, where were we?

You're in the exact same
place you were hours ago

when we started this thing.

Okay. Right. So...

LUKE: Mommy, look at this cool
drawing I made of a falcon!

Just give me five minutes, okay?

It's a crisis.

Like climate change?


Just like it, except
it's gonna affect me.

Can I get a car, to and from the set?

Yes. Absolutely.

- JULIA: Mommy!
- Um...

- When should Donna pick you up?



Mary, I'll be right there!

Mr. Falcone, shut your blower!

I can't believe this day.

There we go.


So, when should, um,
Donna... She hung up.

- What?
- She hung up.

Can you just get that
bum-f*re cooking idiot back?

MARY: Still here. Just
turned off my camera.

Ohhh. That's how that works.

Maybe we'll see a Yellow
Rump Warbler at the park.

They feed on fruits
like berries and figs,

though figs are not really fruit

because they're pollinated by wasps

that can be found d*ad inside them.

Yeah. Okay.

You know what? Who's
excited to go to the park?

I might even get out of the car.

Gloria, what are you doing back so soon?

Soon? It's : .

It is?

Already? How is that possible?

Did you get all your work done?

I did.

Thank you.

Mm-hmm. I have time to spare, too.

[ expl*si*n]

AMY: Hi, you guys. I've
had the worst day. Ohh.

Okay, so Lila shouldn't
be using a grown-up fork,

'cause she could, you
know, poke herself or worse.

Oh, crap. Really?

Well, I guess butter knives are a no.

Look at you, being a mother

and knowing what's dangerous for kids.

It is impressive, babe.

- Where did all this food come from?
- Meal train.

You know, the women from our church.

Henry, we have to join a
church before I drop d*ad.

Yeah, working on it.

Hey, Bri, we got any of that

breadcrumb mac n' cheese this week?

Yeah, behind the chili, next to
the beef stew we had last night.

Oh, yeah.

How often do you come here to eat?

My friend needs me right now.

- I'm here for you, buddy.

No matter how many entrées it takes.

Dan can't make it. Ocular migraine.

Yes! I am on a Dan
excuse-not-to-see-us roll.

I had "Stuck in Atlanta due to weather."

Oh, I got tapeworm.

I'll write you a check, Brian.


Should we be on the meal train?

Why? We don't want to
have sex with Brian.

And we're like family.

We don't have to do
nice stuff like that.


You guys can go smell Coleen's clothes.

I know you smell Coleen's clothes.


Wait, let me just wipe
her face off first.

Wow, look at you being so loving.

I can be tender.

- Ah.
- Move.

Here you go. Jodie: She
looks so much like Coleen.

AMY: Yeah, especially with
food all over her face.

Good girl.

JODIE: Lavender, diaper
cream, and the food court.

I hated that lavender spray.

Here, g... give it to
me. I wanna smell it.

Yes! I knew this was in here somewhere.

- Ah! That's great.
- Oh, candy.

Nope. I can't. I plateaued.

It's cancer pot.

It's a psychoactive cannabinoid.
It's a hallucinogenic.

It'll stay in your system for days.

Yeah, that's what the package promises.

I had a bad day.

Oh, did you expect to like the park?

You know, we don't go for ourselves.

It never happened.

I got caught up with a work thing

and then let the kids down.

Guys, I tried to juggle.

I thought it would be easy,
like texting and driving.

Amy, will you try to text me?

I think my phone is broken.
I'm not getting anything.

Who are you waiting to get a text from?

Everyone you like is here.


Is it that trainer?


You guys, I texted him at : .

No response.

Well, maybe yearbook
committee ran late tonight.

No, no, it's probably just
he can't be on his screens

'til his homework is done.


Hey. Do not text him.

Do not.

- No. No. No!
- Do I need to take your phone?


I promise.

I'm having a cannabinoid.

Because I'm fun.

- Since when?
- Diana came into Fields today.

She called me not fun,
so I'm gonna be fun,

just to spite her.

She came into Fields? What?

It was bound to happen.
They have the best coffee.

Oh, I know. She bought a pound of it.

Hazelnut, with my credit card.

- She still has your credit card?
- Yeah.

She has it in my house, actually,

with my furniture and
my stationary bike.

You remind me of the tree
character in that book,

"The Giving Tree", where
you just keep letting her

take and take and take until there's...

what, not a lot left? I-I
didn't finish the book.

It's like pages.

AMY: I'm a recently working mother.

You know what? I should
have taken the tree.

Remember the one Coleen
planted when we...

when I bought the house?



Diana's at work.

Oh, we could go there.
We could just take it.

At : , on a school night?


Well, what would I do with it?

She has my lawn.

We give it to Brian and Lila.

It would provide fruit and
shade for years to come.

It would be our contribution
to the meal train.

- Yes!
- Yeah. Okay.

I'm in. You're in.

Yes. You're driving.

I can't. I ate a gummy.

I shouldn't have held it.


- Brian, you're driving too fast.
- This is fast?

- What's the plan?
- Get the fig tree.

- Shh!
- Shh-shh-shh-shh-shh!

Have to hurry, and be quiet!


- Keep the engine running.
- Shh!

Okay. Shh!

I'm not gonna see my bed tonight.

- Good thing I brought brisket.
- Ooh.


Guys, I don't want to toot my own horn,

but I'm really good at this.

I always told Henry that
they'd never find his body,

and now I actually
believe it. [CHUCKLING]

Oh. My heart is racing so fast.

What if I'm having a heart att*ck?

I have to text Matt, say goodbye.

- You had one gummy.
- I had two.

- They were stuck together.
- Amy.

This fig has a face. [LAUGHING]

Okay, you know what?
No. This isn't fair.

I was pounding those gummies.

- You had, like, two each.
- Three!

I found one smushed to my elbow.

- Woo!
- I feel nothing.


Psst-psst. [CLEARS THROAT] Over here!

Don't be scared. I don't bite.

- I get bit.
- Huh?

There you go. Focus.

Jeez, settle down.

FIG: You two. You two ladies.

Wait a minute. Are you buzzed?


- Coleen?
- Coleen?

No, no, no. I'm a fig.

What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with me?
You're a talking fig.

So what? You let your son down.

He'll be fine.

The park will be there
tomorrow, unless they finally

take that poison
groundwater thing seriously.

What if he's not fine?

What if he grows up to
be one of those people

that talks to strangers on planes?

Then that's my fault.

- Who's she talking to?
- Mm-mm.

You're feisty.

Ooh, and cute.

You ever get figgy with it?

No. What? How would that even work?

Only one way to find out, toots.

- Ugh.
- Who are you talking to?

This creep.

- Oh, that's the fig with a face.
- And the dirty mouth.


We're done.


Hey, Jodie, who are you texting?

- Jodie. What did I say?
- _

- _
- Better not be the cops.

Okay, who texts the cops?

- Jodie, give it to me.
- _

- No, I'm just, um...
- Jodie.

- _
- I'm just e-mailing moms from the school.

- Jodie!
- Lice is going around!

Don't come near me! Stay away!

- Give it to me!
- Stay away!

Are you trying to get
lice on me? Stay away!

- Jodie, no!
- Is it contagious?

Jodie! No! Get the lice!

Give it to me! Give it to me!

Sheila Marcholi's brisket's
even better at room temp.

Hey, man, these ladies
must have really loved Col.

They've just been so brave.

One did my laundry.

Another one was mowing
my lawn this morning.

She even brought her own mower
so she wouldn't bother me.

It was really nice.

They're not being nice.

They want a piece of that.

No. No, dude. You're wrong, okay?

They know that I'm a grieving man.

There's nothing sexier
than a man sloppy crying

at his wife's funeral.

See this?

This is "I want you" rice.

Okay, that's basmati.

And enjoy it, because the
meal train, it ends here.

What are you talking about?

You're joking, right?

Don't derail this train now.

We're eating like kings.

Okay. You're right. Yeah.

Pass me Mrs. Ragusa's rice pudding.

She's a grandma. That's gotta be safe.

Back on the train.

Ahh. All right.

Is that cinnamon swirl
in the shape of a...

Mrs. Ragusa.

Is Mr. Ragusa in the picture?

It's his mower!


- AMY: Give me the phone, Jodie.
- JODIE: It's fine.

- I need it.
- Oh, come on!

- Jodie!
- Guys, guys! Shh, shh, shh!

- Oh! Oh! Oop!
- Ahh.

Guys, guys, if I get
caught for trespassing,

I'll lose my medical license.

Who cares? You're not a doctor anymore.

- Oh, yeah.

I went to med school for eight years,

and now I bag groceries with
a -year-old who has braces.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You threw away a really good career.

Really good career.

But I'm having fun.

Hey, you know what's even better?

Raise it up. Up top. Up top.

You are being fun.


The word "fun" is weird.

- Fun.
- Fun.

- Fun.
- Fun.

- Fun.
- There we go.

- Fun.
- No, no, no, no!

Yes! Yes, yes.

Oh, guys. You just
made me k*ll pervy fig.

- Fine. I texted him.

I'm weak, okay? It's
not like that's news.

No, don't b*at yourself up.

High school relationships
are tough to navigate at .

- I am and / .
- I'm not even a good cashier.


Oh, yeah. That's a
great hug for you guys.

I'm happy that you're having a hug.

All right. Off you go.

LUKE: Maybe we'll see a Yellow
Rump Warbler at the park.

They feed on fruits
like berries and figs,

though figs are not really fruit,

because they're pollinated by wasps

that can be found d*ad inside them.

[GASPS] I was listening.

I am a good mom.

Oh, Luke is gonna love this.

[GAGS] Okay. Okay.

I'm still having fun.

All right, we gave it a good sh*t.

- That's it. Let's go.
- Wait!

We can't just leave without the tree.

I did not stay out past :
on a school night for nothing!

- What just happened?
- Dude.

I am really high or really strong.

I'm going with really strong.

Amy, can I text Matt and tell
him I used my core strength?

You can do anything you want.

I'm terrified of you right now.

- _
- On second thought, I'm a strong woman.

- I don't need his approval.
- Hmm.

Okay. I can't... I can't...

- Okay. Good. That's good, that's good.

And I'm done. I'm done.

You actually dug a
tree out of the ground.


No one would find my body.

Told you.

Brian, this is for you and Lila.

Col planted it,

and it can provide fruit
and shade for years to come.

Wow. That's really nice.

Let's get a picture. Come on, you guys.

We should probably go. I want Lila.

- Look at the shovel I got us.
- That's great.

And this is so much better.

Guys, get tight.

- So good. It's so good.
- You're so sweet when you're asleep.

Wait, Li... Hey, Lila.

Someone's here.

Oh. Oh.

I haven't seen her in a bit.


Sarah, what the hell?

I ate a cannabinoid
and I took my tree back.

You know why?

'Cause it turns out,

I'm fun.


Oh, shh, she's gonna see you. Let's go.

I can see you.

- Shh!
- Just grabbing the tree.

- Dianaaaa.
- Seriously?



Look at... hrhhh... look
at what I got for Like.

- That's disgusting.
- Yeah.

- He'll love it.
- I know.

Look at you, knowing
what our son will love.


Oh, it's Diana, "checking in" again.

Well, maybe she saw a glimpse
of fun Sarah and wants you back.

No, if she wanted that,
she wouldn't text me

four times in one night.

See, now, I think getting
as many as eight texts

within an hour is hot.

It's a huge turnoff.

- Not always.
- Always.

- Not everyone...
- Everyone.

I'm not here... I'm just
getting a vat of coffee

and then I'm taking my kids to the park.

You can sit with us for two minutes.

I'll put two tables together.

Whoa. Okay.

Oh, wow.


Good morning, sleepyhead.

Sarah, um,

how long does a cannabinoid
stay in one's system?


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