01x13 - The Valentine's Day Dance

[bunniefuu]

ADULT DEAN: Every
generation of every family

wants its children to
have a better life.

For many black families in the ' s,

a better life simply meant
being able to walk a dog

instead of being chased by them.

For my family, a better life
meant a better education.

I talked to your guidance counselor.

He said that volunteering

for the Big Sister,
Little Sister program

could help your college
application stand out.

I've spent years
as Dean's big sister.

Shouldn't that count towards
community service?

Spent the first two years
trying to send him back.

Kept wasting good stamps.

Well, I went to all
his stupid baseball games.

You went to one game,

and the one game that
you actually went to,

you thought I was another kid.

You all wear the same color shirts.

This is a good thing,
and you're doing it.

You might enjoy having a Little Sister.

I'm sure there's an
underprivileged girl out there

who could learn a thing or two from you.

Like what? How to hog the bathroom?

Or how to fake-cry to get
yourself out of trouble?

Shut up, Dean. You know, that just shows

how out of touch with
women you really are.

Hey! I'm not out of touch with women!

Okay, now that Keisa and I
are friends again,

my three-year plan to get her
to like me is back on track.

You poor, delusional bastard.

Three years? Are you out of your mind?

By then, you'll be...

"just a friend."

[Both shudder]

Why? Is being friends bad?

Girls don't fall in
love with their friends.

Yeah, my mom and dad
aren't friends at all.

Are you going to ask her to
the Valentine's Day dance?

Not as a friend?

Check this out.

Music. Dancing.

The opening refrain to
"When a Man Loves a Woman".

Then I'll reveal my
true feelings for Keisa.

Hmm.

No?

Don't listen to them, Dean.

I'm on the dance's planning committee,

and this year's theme
will be perfect for your plan.

I could tell you the theme now,

but I'd hate to give away the surprise.

Fine, it's "Under The Sea." Happy?

[All chuckle]

♪♪

[Exhales sharply] There she is.

Here goes nothing.

Not just a friend.

Not just a friend.

- Hey, you wanna race?
- Um, n-no.

Don't worry. I'll give you a head start.

That's not why.

Then why not?

Uh, because I race with Cory
and Brad and those guys

all the time, and, uh, you and I
can do other stuff.

Like, I don't know, maybe...

Wait, you don't want to race me
because I'm a girl?

Well, kinda, yeah.

- I throw better than you.
- So?

- I kick the ball better than you.
- Okay.

We don't have time to go
through the whole list.

C'mon, let's race.

On your mark, get set...

[School bell rings]

[Sighs] Dang.

I was just about to b*at you, too.

Do you want me to carry your books?

Do you want me to carry yours?

A-Allow me.

Anyway, so, uh, Keisa,
I was wondering,

- do you have any plans for the...
- Oh, I almost forgot.

My parents signed me up
for Big Sister, Little Sister,

and I picked Kim as my mentor.

What? Wait, my sister?

- Why would you do that?
- I don't know.

Whenever I saw your sister with you,

she always seemed so cool.

Keisa thought Kim was cool?

Maybe she wasn't as smart
as I always thought.

She even invited me over
after school today to meet.

So, guess I'll see you
at your house later?

Right. My house. [Chuckles nervously]

So, what'd you want to ask me?

N-Nothing. N-Nothing.

Wait, she's gonna be in my house?!

With my sister?!

Hey. You got my books, remember?

♪♪

Kim, please promise

that you won't do
anything to embarrass me

when my friend Keisa comes over.

Oh, it's that Keisa?

Sure, I won't even mention you.

I'll leave the embarrassing
part up to you.

Great. Thanks.

With Kim on my side now,
I just had to ensure

my home field was wiped clean
of any other embarrassments...

like a naked photo of me as a baby.

♪♪

And another... Did my parents
ever bother to dress me?

Even the pictures I drew
of myself were naked.

What kind of a freak was I?

Great. Nothing embarrassing left.

♪♪

[Doorbell rings]

[Sighs] Okay.

[Sighs]

Hey, Keisa.

Sorry, I completely
forgot you were coming.

Uh, c'mon in.

LILLIAN: Dean! Why is your
dinosaur underwear in the oven?!

♪♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ And I know ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ Through the highs and the lows ♪

♪ I'mma find my way home ♪

So, do you have any
brothers and sisters?

Yeah, I do. I have a older brother.

This is actually his jacket.

Oh. Well, how are you
liking school this year?

It's been fun. I have
a lot of fun classes.

[Dean strains] Don't mind me.

Just... phew... gettin'
in my daily pump.

[Grunts] Yeah.

One million and one,
one million and two...

Hey, Keisa, look... I'm
about to set a new record.

Okay, I know what this is about.

Uh-oh.

Dean is clearly jealous

that I'm spending time
with you instead of him.

The one time I've ever benefited

from Kim's narcissism.

C'mon, let's go to my room.

♪♪

As they entered the abyss
that was Kim's room,

I knew I'd have to wait before
I got my moment alone

with Keisa to ask her to the dance.

So, Keisa...

will you go to the dance with me?

No.

So, Keisa...

will you, uh, go to the dance with me?

Keisa.

Will you go to the dance with me?

Nailed it.

[Girls laughing in distance]

I knew I shouldn't eavesdrop,

but I couldn't resist the temptation.

For all I knew, they
could be talking about

how much Keisa liked me.

This closet is outta sight.

I wish I had clothes this cool.

Where do you like to shop?

You know, like, wherever.

Two words... swap meet.

- Wow, really?
- Mm-hmm.

They got great stuff. We
should go this weekend.

We only buy new clothes
when school starts.

Gotcha.

Sometimes, my mom makes my clothes.

- Do you like that?
- No.

[Laughs] I didn't think so.

She wants me to dress
all girly, like her.

Mm. Some things
you can always count on...

like mothers having different
tastes than their daughters.

And...

♪ All right ♪

DEAN: Ah!

[Laughs] And little
brothers being creeps.

♪ Yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah ♪

Maybe you don't have to
wait until next school year.

Believe it or not, I was your size once.

♪♪

At dinner, I eagerly
awaited my opportunity.

- What's the matter, boy? You okay?
- What do you mean?

You aren't feeling
constipated again, are you?

KIM: Sorry for the wait.

We just wanted to
freshen up before dinner.

I didn't think Keisa could get
any more beautiful,

but, boy, was I wrong.

Nothing in the world
could give me the confidence

to talk to someone that gorgeous.

Keisa, you look lovely.

DEAN: Yes, very... lovely.

Very in-indeed.

He ain't right.

Then the worst thing
in the world happened.

Mama and Daddy's parental
intuition kicked in,

and they figured out
I had feelings for Keisa.

Dean, doesn't Keisa look pretty?

Uh... Uh... Uh... Uh...

Say something.

I-I-I... What I was going
to say is, I like dresses.

O... I mean, I-I like that dress.

O-On you. Pretty.

Stop saying something.

Dean, didn't you mention something about

a dance at your school?

Uh, well, I, uh...

Haven't I seen you practicing
your Hully Gully in the mirror?

He's a bad man on the dance floor.

Sweepin' or moppin'? [Laughs]

But school dances are solid.

- Are you going?
- Oh, I can't.

My parents won't let me
date boys until I'm older.

Ugh, I remember those stupid rules.

They aren't stupid.
I respect her parents for that.

Boys ain't nothin' but trouble.

Be cool.

♪♪

- Father...
- Jesus, please k*ll me.

Dang, man, you missed your sh*t.

Now every guy's gonna be asking her.

That there's an eighth-grade boy, too.

They already have their man voices.

- You're doomed.
- Doesn't matter.

Her parents won't let her go
to the dance anyway.

My parents have the same rule,

but they're okay with
me going to the dance

as part of the committee.

[Gasps] Hampton, that's a great idea.

Hey, Keisa.

My mind had never worked so fast.

- Hey, what's up?
- I was thinking about what you said

about your parents saying
you couldn't go to the dance,

but how you really wanted to go.

And then I realized that Hampton and I

are on the dance committee.

We are?

Yes. We are.

Right. We are.

You should join.

Then we... I mean, you
can go to the dance.

While Hampton secretly prayed
for forgiveness for lying,

I prayed for a miracle.

Oh, got it. Sounds like fun.

I'll ask my parents after
school if I can join.

Thanks for the idea. See ya.

- Hampton, that was amazing!
- What did I do?

If Keisa joins the committee,
she can still go to the dance,

and I can still reveal
my true feelings to her.

It's perfect.

[Laughs]

Oh. Y'all are serious?

Well, y'all two have fun with that.

[Scoffs]

PERRY: Hey, Little Man.

Perry Barlow... the most perfect boy

in all of junior high.

Man, he had it all.

So, what's the deal with that girl

you was talking to back there?

Anyone taking her to the dance yet?

Nice try, Perry,

but only a man with a
plan can get to Keisa.

Sorry, her parents
won't let her date boys.

They're real religious.

Got it.

Thanks for the skinny.

♪♪

Keisa's parents decided
she could join the committee,

but they still wanted her under
their watchful eye

if she was going to work
after school with boys.

Great job on those waves, Keisa.

You clearly studied the references

I gave you this morning.

Look, guys! I'm a walrus!

Arr-arr-arr-arr-arr-arr!

[Laughter]

If you're gonna play
around, use a flat-top,

not our Filberts.

Everything was going to plan.

[Doorbell rings]

What in the Barlow is he doing here?

Hello. Are you Keisa's mother?

I am. And you are?

My name is Perry Barlow.

I go to school with your daughter.

May I please speak with your husband?

Lucious, there's a young man
from Keisa's school at the door.

Sorry. We don't want anything.

Oh, I'm not selling anything, sir.

I'm here because there's
a Valentine's Day dance

coming up at school, and I'd
like to ask for your permission

to go to the dance with your daughter.

Uh-oh, kid. You're in for it now.

I understand you have concerns

with your daughter going out with a boy,

so I wanted to speak
with you face-to-face.

My father, Dr. Barlow,
will be taking us.

He drives a Lincoln Continental.

Keisa will be home by : ,
or even earlier, if you'd like.

If you have any questions about me,

I believe you know Reverend Tucker?

I babysit his children.

Well, you're right, son.

It is our rule that Keisa can't date

until she turns at least .

But you seem like a polite young man,

and it's nice to see kids that
are respectful to their elders

and know how to talk to grown folk.

- Good teeth, too.
- Thank you.

I noticed that.

Mm.

Maybe we'll leave it
up to Keisa to decide.

Keisa! There's a young man
that want to ask you something.

Keisa, will you go to the dance with me?

Yes, I'd love that.

Great. I'll be here by
: to pick you up.

I can't wait. Thank you.

I understood why her parents
would fall for his charade,

but I couldn't believe
Keisa fell for it, too.

Why would she want to go
to the dance with that guy?

Just because he was tall and
handsome and loved the Lord.

[Sighs] Who was I kidding?

I would have loved for my daughter

to have dated someone like Perry Barlow.

So, guess I can't be a part
of the committee anymore.

But don't worry, I'll still help
you guys finish up tonight.

It's getting late.
Y'all need to be going.

Keisa, c'mon.

Sorry, guys.

Poor Keisa.

Can you believe she's gonna
miss out on all this fun?

♪♪

[Sighs]

My man. First dance tonight.

You know what? Your curfew's
extended until : .

- Cool.
- You meeting Keisa there,

or are you guys picking her up?

Actually, I'm not going with Keisa.

I never asked her,

and now she's going
with an eighth grader.

Then who are you going with?

I'm on the planning committee.

[Sighs] Be home by : .

[Laughs] Don't laugh.

This is all your fault
for giving Keisa a makeover.

Now all the other guys like her.

Do you have a problem with a
girl feeling good about herself

and not being dependent on you
for her self-esteem?

No.

Well, all I did was give Keisa
a dress and a bit of makeup.

As her friend, you
should be happy for her.

Okay. I don't have time
for this, all right?

Hampton asked me to go
to the drug store

and get him some
last-minute decorations.

Apparently, our ocean backdrop
isn't turquoise enough

to match the Atlantic.

[Door opens, closes]

♪♪

- Hey, Dean.
- Perfect.

As if I hadn't been
embarrassed enough already.

Hey, Keisa. What are you doing here?

Oh, just looking for some stuff.

But I couldn't find it.

Wow. She couldn't even
look me in the eye

after what she did to me.

Must have been her guilty conscience.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

C'mon, I'll walk you out.

STORE CLERK: Stop right there.

I saw you steal that makeup.

- What are you talking about?
- What?

She would never do something like that.

What's this?

You're both coming with me.

Let's go.

♪♪

Okay. You two sit here and wait
for your parents to show up.

[Sighs] I'm sorry.

I don't get it. W-Why were you stealing?

Was it 'cause of the money?

All of the years I'd known Keisa,

I didn't notice that she never
wore new clothes

or always had to borrow my comic books

instead of buying her own.

People kept saying the new
things made me look pretty.

Well...

I-I always thought you were
pretty the way you were.

[Sighs]

My dad's gonna k*ll
me when he finds out.

[Crying]

♪♪

♪♪

STORE CLERK: They're right back here.

Caught the girl stealing makeup.
The boy served as a decoy.

[Sighs]

♪♪

Let's go.

I am so incredibly sorry for
what they put you through today.

I assure you, they'll get a
thorough talking-to when we go home.

Come on, let's go.

Whoa. I c... I can't let two kids
go with another kid.

They can either wait for
their parents or the police.

Sir, I really appreciate your concern,

but our parents will be working late.

I can save you the trouble.

They'll just have to wait, then.

As Kim fought to get us out,

it became clear to me that, in a way,

she felt responsible
for what had happened.

When this started, it was just
a line on a college résumé.

But now she realized she
was in over her head,

and it was her job to make this right.

[Sobbing] This is all my fault.

I was responsible for them today,

and I wasn't paying enough attention.

And now look at them. They're felons.

[Sobbing] Our parents work so
hard to keep us out of trouble,

and they were relying on me
to be a good big sister.

But instead, I disappointed everyone.

Now I had seen enough
of Kim's fake tears

to know what she was doing,
but everyone else seemed to be

buying it, so I was fine just
shutting up and nodding along.

I'll be happy to pay for what they took.

[Sniffles]

Fine.

But y'all are never allowed back
in this store again.

You hear me?

Thank you for understanding, sir.

♪♪

Thank you, Kim.

Were my parents mad
when you told them?

Girl, I didn't tell anyone anything.

So, Mom and Dad don't know
about this, either.

Nope. I just pretended
to be Mom on the phone

when the store clerk called.

- They have no idea.
- Thanks.

But that doesn't mean
I can't tell them later

about what you did.

Please don't punish Dean.

He didn't do anything wrong.

This is all my fault.

This probably means
you won't be my Big Sister

anymore, doesn't it?

No. This doesn't change anything.

Just, next time you need something,

make sure you come to me.

It's what big sisters are for.

But don't you ever do that again.

♪♪

Kim saved us from real trouble that day.

That was the first time
I remembered being thankful

to have a big sister.

Thank you, Kim. It was really cool

how you fooled that guy back there.

You're welcome.

And by the way, strong women
should never resort to crying

unless no one was there to see it.

Right?

Oh... Oh.

Now c'mon.

Dance starts in two hours,
and you gotta get ready.

And, Dean, you need a bath bad.

[Engine starts]

[Dicky & Billy's
"I've Got a Feeling" plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪ I love you, girl ♪

♪ Don't you understand? ♪

Have fun.

CHARLENE: Well, look who it is.

Hi, Dean. Nice to see you again.

Uh, have you met my boyfriend?

♪♪

Anyway, it looks like
you have a busy night,

so we won't keep you.

We'll just be off, you know,
movin' and groovin'.

♪♪

Ah, isn't it magical?

All of our hard work
has finally paid off,

and you've got the
best job in the house.

You get to see everyone's faces
as they first lay eyes

on our underwater fantasy.

"Fanta-sea."

That would have been a good one.

Hampton was right.

As crazy and exhausting as the
last couple of days had been,

tonight was turning out to be
not so bad after all.

Hey, Little Man.

Until now.

- Hey, Dean.
- Hey, Keisa.

You really did a great job
with these decorations.

Thanks.

Hope you dance your socks off.

Wanna race?

♪ You don't know how many times
I've wished ♪

♪ That I had told you ♪

Thanks again for your help, Little Man.

♪ You don't know how many times
I've wished ♪

♪ That I could hold you ♪

♪ You don't know how many times
I've wished ♪

♪ That I could mold you
into someone ♪

♪ Who could cherish me
as much as I ♪

♪ Cherish you ♪

♪ And I do ♪ [Indistinct conversation]

Let's go.

♪ Cherish you ♪

♪ And I do ♪

The sad part was, as I looked
around the gym that night,

I realized my plan had been a good one.

["When a Man Loves a Woman" plays]
This dance was the perfect place

to tell Keisa how I felt about her.

The back room at the drug store
wasn't nearly as romantic

or picturesque as this,

but I couldn't deny
that we did have a moment.

And maybe that was better than
whatever this could have been.

♪ When a man loves a woman ♪

Nope. Never mind. It wasn't.

But the good thing about
the long game is, it's long.

There's been a spill by the punch bowl,

and that hardwood is warping fast.

If you can lean, you can clean.

Oh, don't take that turtle!
It's for the raffle!

♪ Turn his back on his best friend ♪

♪ If he puts her down ♪

♪ Yes, when a man loves a woman ♪