01x17 - Operation: Rich in Spirit

[bunniefuu]

It's alive!

Aah!

Mmm! Oh, no! Ohh!

Ahh...

Yeah.

You're a bitch.

Ha ha ha ha! Sorry, little girl...

but Queen Beryl needs your life force
in order to take over the planet earth.

Ha ha ha ha!

Serena, change into Sailor Moon, quickly.

Right! Moon. Prism. Power.

Ohh...

In the name of the moon, I will punish...
Oh, my God.

Ha ha ha! Hmm!

What? What is it? Oh, man! Oh!

L... I don't know why that happened.

- Jeez!
- I'm so sorry.

That is so disrespectful of me.

You are pretty hot, though.

Should we still fight?

Because I don't really want to anymore.

Um, you know,
the moment has definitely passed.

All right.
See you next time... maybe.

Yeah, sure. OK. Another time.

Aw, yeah, man.
I am ridged for her pleasure.

Big talk for a virgin.

If I poon enough noobs,
I can raise my rank...

in the server from three to one.
Hee hee!

Be our ninety-ninth caller right now
to win our Mission: Impossible contest.

Ooh, ooh.

Hello.
You're our ninety-ninth caller.

Excellent!

You win your choice
of a Gameboy Advance...

or a date
with M:I star Scarlett Johansson.

- Can I have both?
- No.

Do I have to choose right now?

- Yes.
- Uh...

Ooh...

Um...

Uh...

Um...

Oh...

Uh...

I guess I choose Scarlett Johansson.

Look. Can't I just roll down the window
and shake his hand?

No. The contest specifies lunch.

Crap in a hat.

So, do you ever play The Sims?

I made a Scarlett Johansson Sim,
and she lived in my house...

and sometimes
we went in the hot tub together...

but I forgot to buy
a fire extinguisher...

so there was a grease fire in the kitchen,
and Scarlett died.

- Mm-hmm.
- Give us all your money.

Aah! Leave us alone, you hooligans.

Hyah! Ki-cha!

- He fights like a tiger.
- Let's get out of here!

That was so stellar.

Gary is totally gonna score now.

You... You saved me. You're my hero.

Mmm...

Do you take this be'hom
to be your be'nal?

Hyah!

A-goo! Goo goo goo.

Scarlett, my love, there's
something I must tell you before I die.

What is it, my love?

I staged the whole fight
on our first date.

I won your heart under false pretenses.

Oh, thank God.

I have something to tell you, too.

I'm not really Scarlett Johansson.

I was just a professional
Scarlett Johansson impersonator.

Ahem. My real name
is Raymond Dibonatello...

from Queens, New York.

That explains why Scarlett Johansson
had a giant Johansson.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, go in peace, my angel!

Queen Beryl, I have failed to bring you
Sailor Moon's life force.

You fool!
Your utter incompetence is dwarfed...

only by your sheer stupidity.
Ew!

Oh! Oh! I'm sorry, your majesty. I just...
I kind of like it when you yell at me.

It's hot.

It's my job to provide a bridge...

between the blokes
at the top of the ladder...

like Cobra Commander and Serpentor...

and the peons at the bottom.

I help the peons feel valuable...

although it helps
not to call them peons.

Here's that report you wanted, sir.

I told you not to staple it, wretch!

So, I'm the bridge.

Yeah. Cloning is an integral part
of Cobra's plan for world domination.

- Hail Cobra!
- Hail Cobra.

Basically, my job
is to defrag the DNA sequencer...

before each cloning
and juice the capacitor...

- Hail Cobra!
- Hail Cobra.

And monitor the plasma feed.
I started out in accounting...

but there's a lot more room
for advancement down here.

- Bail Nobra!
- Bail Nobr... oh.

Oh, hang on a second.

Yeah. Well, you know, establishing
the Cobra brand name...

is a priority for us, so we put
the Cobra logo on just about everything.

Hey, safety is job one here at Cobra.

We fully comply with OSHA standards.

It's been thirty-four days
since our last on-site accident.

The weather dominator exploded,
and, uh, we lost about guys.

You can still kind of see what's left
of Scott Anderson up there.

We really should get that down.

You know, we've been
chucking a softball at it...

but it's up there pretty good.

Interoffice romances are strictly forbidden.

There's a very good reason for that.

They're a distraction.

They cut down on productivity,
and they always end badly.

Bwah ha ha ha!

Training and reeducation
isn't just about combat.

It's also about learning
the whole Cobra mind set.

OK. Let's say you want to take out
the G.I. Joe quickly and quietly...

without alerting
the other members of his unit.

Oh. I'd use a gas pellet.

You're on the right track.

Um, I'd weave, like, a wicker basket
and construct a robot snake in it...

that, like, sh**t gas out of its mouth.

Excellent. Anyone else?

Oh, well, I'd totally do what Frank said...

with the basket and all,
but I'd also yell, "Cobra!"

- Perfect.
- Now I know.

And knowing is half the battle!

Date r*pe! Date r*pe!

Date r*pe! Date r*pe!

Soon, I will have
your life force, Sailor Moon...

and my plan to rule the earth
will come to fruition.

Ooh.

Anime sure is weird.

Ray Charles, you talented,
but you ruined my life!

Coming next Christmas...
Ray : Ray's Day Out.

Just like you ruined
so many women before me.

It's not your fault your little brother
fell into that washtub and drowned.

You got to face your problems.

Ow!

Damn!

Ray! My back's broken!
Oh, God, Ray!

You blind son of a bitch!

You k*lled me, Ray!
You blind son of a bitch!

Waah!

Ray : Ray's Day Out...
coming next Christmas.

Haw haw!

Haw haw!

Tonight, the top ten things
Eddie Buttskin should never say.

Number ten...

If you die, could I have your room?

Number nine...

Me so horny. Me love you long time.

Number eight...

There's blood when I wipe.

Number seven...

I'm going to eat your face on TV,
David Letterman.

Wait. That's kind of specific.

Aah! Aah!

Oh, God, help me! Oh, God!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Mmm.

Ahh.

Ha ha! OK. OK, guys. That's a lot of...

Hey, quit it. Hey, get off.

Hey, you guys, stop it!
Come on! Stop!

Is everyone ready
for some hilarious home videos?

We here at Bloopers central
asked you to send in your tapes...

so we can produce this show
for almost nothing.

We thought we'd see nut sh*ts
and seniors falling down...

but these tragedies
kicked it up a notch... bam!

Did I say, "Bam"?

Let's hope, for this guy's sake,
that I didn't.

- Move it, Pop!
- Out of the way, old man!

Move your ass, damn it!

Go! Whoo hoo!

Now we're going!

Ha ha ha! That's what you get.
Oh!

And they say you can't solve
the homeless problem.

Some problems can't be solved...

by sticking you nose in
where it doesn't belong.

- Honey, be careful.
- Shut up.

Maybe a mechanic could fix it better.

I can do it if you'd just shut up.

Mama, I'm pregnant.

- No!
- No!

Hey, she told me she was on the pill.

And eighteen.

Hidden cameras can yield
cherished memories...

or incriminating evidence.

The only X-factor is you.

- What are you doing, sweetie?
- Oh, nothing, nothing.

- You ready?
- Uh-huh.

Ohh... huhh!

Oh, god! Oh, I'm sorry.

You... ing loser!

You have failed me as a boyfriend,
and you have failed yourself as a man...

Robot Chicken co-head writer
Douglas Goldstein!

Bet you didn't see that coming.

Matter of fact, neither did she.

This video was sent in
by someone who found it in the woods.

Let's watch.

- Josh!
- Michael!

- I'm coming, Josh!
- Wait for me, Michael!

Michael, wait for me! Michael!

Aah!

Rumor has it,
those kids were torn limb from limb.

Sometimes the best home videos
can be taken away from home.

Just watch these crazy vacation videos.

Blaagh!

That's all the time we have
for this episode...

so come back next week
for more hilarious home videos.

- Ba-gawk!
- Bock.

Stupid monkey.