03x03 - Close Friends

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

ZOEY: With Cal U's 299-acre campus,

45,000 students, and
20,000 faculty and staff,

you'd think your world would
be big and broad enough

to easily avoid running into your ex.

But when you're in college,

that world can start to feel
like the size of a snow globe,

and that's when things
become complicated.

♪ Whoo ♪

And before you know it, your
ex is everywhere you look,

and you can't seem to avoid him at all.

♪♪

I'd assumed breaking up with Luca

would pretty much mean

our interactions would
be extremely limited.

You know, the occasional "Hi. Bye.

Zoey, you look amazing".

But it turned out co-existing
with my ex in a campus bubble

would result in enough mental madness

that I'd be forced to consider
the age-old question...

Is it possible to be
friends with your ex?

♪ Still hanging with the same crew ♪

♪ Ay ♪

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know, so I'm-a feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

- ♪ I'm grown ♪
- ♪ You can tell me ♪

♪ My heart b*ating so loud ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

Oh, sh*t!

♪♪

Hey, guys.

- What's up?
- Hey.

♪♪

This guy is literally everywhere.

In this case, I mean
literally "literally",

which is literally the first time

I'm using this word correctly.

I'm a Junior now, guys.

Luca brought me bone broth.

- Mm.
- Isn't that sweet?

It's vegan. The bones are coral.

Wow. I literally can't
think of anything sweeter.

Gotta be honest... less
confident on that one.

[SIGHS]

[SLURPS]

[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]

So, should we hang out? [CLEARS THROAT]

Like, watch something, or... ?

Yeah, no.

Okay.

I should probably go.

- Yeah.
- Bye, baby.

[CLEARS THROAT] Baby.

Don't start.

- Bye!
- [DOOR OPENS]

The baby says bye, too.

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- [CLEARS THROAT]

Wow! Whoa. Way to make it awkward.

I'm sorry, but he really
caught me off-guard.

Nomi, I expect to run into him

on campus at the fashion building,

or outside of the fashion building

where he sits on a low
branch and chain-smokes.

I do not expect it in my house,

here, eating bone broth from the sea.

Okay, look, Luca and I...

we bonded really hard last
year when we all lived together,

and he's the only one
who's treated me normally

since I've been pregnant.

So, just... can you just, like,

put aside any weirdness and
try to be friends with him?

For my sake?

♪♪

For the baby's sake?

♪♪

I can say no to Nomi,

but how do I say no to an unborn baby?

No.

♪♪

I don't know that baby yet.

♪♪

♪ Donde, donde, donde, donde ♪

♪ Donde, donde ♪

♪ Donde, donde ♪

♪ Donde, donde, donde, donde ♪

- ♪ Donde, donde ♪
- ♪ Donde, donde ♪

Okay, seriously?

How am I seeing him more now
than when we were together?

[LAUGHTER]

Hey, do you think

I should ask Luca if
he wants to join us?

Yeah. It's so sad.

We're all over here
having fun without him.

Possibly because we're here without him.

He was part of our friend group before.

How long do we have to wait

until he can be part of
the friend group again?

To be clear, he was never
part of my friend group.

By my estimation,

he has already violated
the 200 by 200 rule.

All exes should keep
at least 200 feet away

for at least 200 days.

I like five by five. Keep 'em close.

Nomi wants me to try
and be friends with him

for the sake of the baby.

But you don't even know that baby.

What does the baby have to do with you?

That's what I'm saying, but I guess

she just wants her two
closest friends to get along.

Okay, that is asking for too much

because if Doug and I broke up,

he automatically becomes
your enemy, right?

Yeah, if we break up,

I'm pretty sure one of
us would have to transfer.

♪♪

Me. Me.

I... I-I would transfer, baby.

I don't think you have to
cut people out of your lives

just 'cause you're
not with them anymore.

I mean, I'm cool with all
of my exes, even this guy.

- Whoa.
- Technically,

we were never together, so...

Okay, well, technically,
you cry after sex,

- so, yeah, maybe we shouldn't be friends.
- [INHALES SHARPLY]

- SKY: Ooh!
- Um, my bad that I get moved

after my excellent performances.

Also, that was supposed
to be between us.

- Oops.
- Well, after five days,

I tried the friend thing,
and it did not work.

I mean, I had to block Junior

because he was struggling
so hard to let it go.

I mean, he tried to
make #Skunior a thing.

[CELLPHONE CHIMES]

♪ Ya, Mumma told you that I'm gorgeous ♪

It did not trend.

I think we should all agree to just
not smash within the friend group.

Yeah.

Now you say that, Sniffles.

One tear, Ana. One.

VIVEK: Damn.

I mean, I wish I had an
endless list of heartbreaks

and countless drama like you guys.

Eh, there does not need to be drama.

Matter of fact,

Luca and I were friends
well before we got together,

so I am sure we are mature enough

to become friends again.

We can do this.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

♪♪

Hey, bro.

Wanna come join us over there?

♪♪

Nah, I'm good. I'm with people.

Oh, cool, cool, cool. Friends?

No, Zoey, they're just people.

♪♪

What in the world

did we ever talk about
when we were together?

Well, are you doing anything fun tonight

after you leave?

Yep.

♪♪

You?

Oh, me?

Uh, well, I think some of
us are gonna go to the diner

after this and get some milkshakes.

You want to come through?

♪♪

Mm, not particularly.

[BLOWS BUBBLES]

♪♪

Okay.

Hoo.

It doesn't particularly look like

we're gonna be friends after all.

Sorry, Nomi's baby, whoever you are.

I tried.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

[SMOOCHES]

This is the pivotal moment
where Kanye commanded the stage,

spoke to his audience,

and fearlessly stole this poor,
unidentified white girl's shine.

The diction, the
conviction, the dereliction.

These are all lessons
that you will learn

in this African-American
public-speaking class,

where I will also prepare you, too,

to steal some unidentified
white person's shine.

So...

We begin with...

the, uh...

Uh... s...

[CHUCKLES]

Nobody move. I'm going
to go call my lawyer.

Hi. Hey.

- Hey.
- I don't mean to bother you or anything,

but I just had a question

about what exactly
is going on right now?

Mm, don't worry. He's nobody.

Well, how does he have
a teaching job, then?

Mm, he's Dean of Students.

Apparently, he missed academia so much

that he created and
then assigned himself

to teach this questionably
r*cist public-speaking class.

Wow.

Um... well, I'm starting to think

doing my exchange program
here was maybe a bad idea.

Depends. Where did you transfer from?

- Spelman.
- Oh.

I'd really like to say no,

but yeah, that was a bad idea.

One of my biggest regrets is the
fact that I never applied there.

I just really thought

that I was gonna miss my family.

- Mm-hmm.
- But I was wrong.

Well, now that I know one
of your biggest regrets,

then I should probably know your name.

I am so sorry.

Um, I am Zoey, and welcome to Cal U.

I'm Jillian, and I get it.

I mean, I already miss Spelman a lot.

I wish we met a few weeks ago

'cause my roommates threw
the best HBCU-style party.

Wait, I was there.
That was a sick house.

I left right after the cops tackled
that naked dude with the braid.

Mm.

[SCREAMS]

Who was that guy?

I dunno.

Certainly no one I've ever kissed.

No.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Hey.

Oh, hey.

Sorry I was being weird last night.

I was super blazed.

I started using this indica
contact-lens solution.

I couldn't even keep my eyes open.

Oh, were things weird?

That's why things were so weird!

You know, I feel like I have
a real sh*t at friendship

with this weirdo.

That's a dope jacket.

Oh. Thanks.

It's Anti-Muse, the line you inspired.

Well, as your inspiration,

- I feel like I at least deserve a free shirt.
- Mm.

Let me talk to the boss,
see what I can figure out.

Okay, well, I'm excited
to see your new line.

Cool. Spread the word.

I accidentally bought
the wrong domain name.

Anyways, what's done is done.

[WHEELS SQUEAKING]

As I watched Luca go,

I wondered why he had that roll-y bag,

and equally, why I hadn't
asked him about it.

But I realized that with our easy banter

and a glimmer of our old
friendship coming back to life,

I didn't want to mess
up what seemed to be

the beginning of a new chapter
in our conscious uncoupling.

Damn.

I inspired some fire stuff.

Oh, I am such a good friend.

Spread the word.

♪♪

It had been two weeks,

and Luca and I were
genuinely in the friend zone.

I was feeling great about how
maturely we were behaving,

and according to Nomi, her
baby was extremely pleased.

Allegedly, it pushed a
thumbs up on her belly wall.

I don't know.

I still don't trust that baby.

Here we go.

Round two.

Mm.

By popular demand.

♪♪

[SLURPS] Mmm!

This batch of bone broth
is a little brinier.

Mm-hmm.

Did you add some, uh, extra coral?

There's so much coral.

Actually, it's sea moss.

Sucks the toxins right out of your body.

- Mm.
- Mm.

As much as I'd love
to go into round three,

I have to get to work.

I also have to replenish
those toxins with a hot dog.

Mm.

Please bring me a hot dog after work.

- Of course.
- Actually, can you bring me one, too?

I just like to nibble on the casings.

Dude, you do know
they're not vegan, right?

Vegan's a mindset.

He's not wrong.

Actually, what in the world am I saying?

He couldn't be more wrong.

But it's nice to be back.

- Bye! See you at home?
- Yeah.

- Bye.
- Later.

[EXPLOSIONS, g*nshots ON TV]

[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]

What the hell?

'Sup, playboy? Can I
help you with something?

Uh, yeah. I'm here to pick up Sky?

- You normally pick up girls in their backyards?
- My bad.

This is just where people
were coming in and out

during the party a few weeks
ago, so I thought maybe...

No, my bad, man. You came to the party?

What did you think? We
did our thing, right?

You didn't do sh*t, Vivek.

- Hey, Rodney.
- Okay.

I see you.

Alright, man, careful with that.

♪♪

[MOCKINGLY] "Careful with that".

[SIGHS]

I guess where you're from,

people just use other
people's bats without asking.

Sorry.

You don't need to get all sad.

Just ask next time.

It's not that.

It's just...

first there was the whole
exes debate at Titanium,

and just now seeing Sky
leave to go on a date...

Sky had a date?

Damn.

She really does lead a secret life.

Yeah, with some guy she met
at my party, at my house,

which was filled with hella
honeys I couldn't land.

Did you use the term
"honeys" to their faces?

No.

- Oh.
- Okay, whatever.

That just further highlights the fact

that I have absolutely zero
going on in my love life.

Okay, well, what about those
dating apps we talked about?

- How are those going?
- Not good.

I literally signed up for
every single app I could find,

including Gluten Free Singles,

but that just turned
out to be a targeted ad

for an individual
sliced-bread substitute.

Give me your phone.

I need to see what you're doing wrong.

God bless if you can figure it out.

My profile is pretty flawless.

Do not bring God into this.

[GASPS] Oh.

These are all ab sh*ts and gym selfies.

And what is this bio?

"No one looks better
in a red Gucci sweater"?

Name one person that looks
better in a red Gucci sweater.

[CHUCKLES] Huh. Okay. Damn.

Well, I guess I can't.

But none of these show
you in a red sweater

or a shirt of any color.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]

Alright, have a seat.

Your profile needs some serious work.

Go use the bathroom if you need to,

but please wash your hands.

Alright? Come on.

This gonna be awhile.

♪♪

- ♪ Whoo ♪
- ♪♪

Dude.

These are so sick.

I mean...

disgusto, right?

So gross.

So, do you have any ideas

on how you're gonna spread
the word about your new line?

Yeah.

I forgot you really can't ask
Luca "yes or no" questions.

Oh, cool, cool, cool.

Well, I just have this feeling

that it would look so amazing

on, like, uh, a magazine
cover or something.

Like what? Vogue?

No.

No, not like a Vogue.

Anyways, we were going over

this really big project at work,

and... I can't really talk about it...

but Joey's doing the cover
of Paper Magazine.

Please don't tell anybody.

Anyway, showed him your website,

suggested a few pieces.

He loved them.

And why the [BLEEP] would you do that?

That's definitely not how
friends say "thank you".

♪♪

Dude, what's wrong? I
thought you'd be excited.

'Cause if I got any of
my other friends' stuff

on the cover of a magazine,

they'd be thrilled,

and also a little surprised

'cause, sure, they don't design clothes.

Sorry I'm not thrilled that my ex

is once again making
me look like a bitch

in front of the same guy
that she played me with.

I was trying to help you.

Well, I don't need your help,

- and I definitely never asked for it.
- Oh, okay.

Screw it, then. Don't
have a magazine cover,

'cause there's plenty of other designers

who would have loved this opportunity.

Well, give it to one of them, then.

Oh, I will. I will.

I'm gonna call them right now.

[INHALES SHARPLY]

Damn.

I don't personally know
any other designers.

But he doesn't know that.

♪♪

Jazz, I appreciate it,

but I don't think we needed
to bring Doug in on this.

Uh, yes, I did. This
is all hands on deck.

Babe, tell him what we talked about.

Bro, you can't be
having your nipples out

in all your profile pictures.

What? Well, how many do I get?

Zero. No nipple sh*ts.

Zero? That sounds kinda conservative.

[CELLPHONE CHIMES]

Hey! I got a match!

You still gotta cover
up them nips, though.

Let me see. [GASPS]

Yep. That's an actual girl.

She said, "Hey".

[CHUCKLES] She's so funny.

Wh... I got to write something back.

Bro, no, let's talk about this.

Your opening text

is the most important one
that you're gonna send.

She has to know that
you're intelligent...

- Mm-hmm.
- ... financially secure...

- Mm-hmm.
- ... and well-traveled.

Well, how do I say all
of that in one text?

Tell her you have TSA Pre-Check.

- But I don't.
- She don't know that.

Hold on.

You told me that you have TSA Pre-Check.

♪♪

Do you not have TSA Pre-Check?

Oh.

Oh, so, I'm just gonna have
to remove my shoes at security?

I'm gonna need to get two
bins now, huh, Douglas?

You can use one bin, and
I can take the laptops

- through the... through the thing.
- Two laptops?

They won't let you through
there with two laptops.

Do you want to be detained?

Unless you guys are traveling
within the next hour,

I need to reply to this
nipple-loving honey.

Sounds like we're traveling never.

♪♪

- Where you going?
- Excuse me.

[SIGHS]

Bro, just use the TSA
line. It's gonna work.

I don't know, man.

I really don't want to
start my relationship

based on lies about
traveling privileges.

I know what to say.

- "We... did it!"
- [CELLPHONE CHIMES]

We did what?

You know, "We did it". "We matched".

Bro, no.

You know what she's thinking right now?

"This little nipply man
with highlights in his hair

- got to wait three hours in the airport line".
- [CELLPHONE CHIMES]

- That's what she thinking.
- [LAUGHS]

Well, actually, she just wrote back.

She said, "We nailed
it", with laughing emojis.

Your corny-ass text worked.

Jazz, baby, we did it.

We sure did.

- Eeeeeeeee!
- My guy.

You're going on a date.

- Eee!
- Okay.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]

[BARKING CONTINUES]

[SIGHS]

[DOOR CREAKS]

Listen...

I promised myself this year
that when it came to my career,

I wasn't gonna get in my own way.

So, here. You can
give these to your boy.

Gee, thanks.

Look, Luca, I wasn't
trying to cause any drama.

I was trying to do the mature thing

and help somebody that
I consider a friend.

Well, your mature gesture
felt a lot like pity.

But it wasn't, I swear.

Do you not see how foul that was?

I'm genuinely trying to
connect two talented people.

That's me looking out for you.

That's not looking out for me.

I mean, how do you not get this?

Not get what, Luca?

That the history between
you and this dude

and our history as exes makes
it a little bit more complicated

than just connecting two people.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

I mean, do you not remember
when you played me for this dude?

Oh, my gosh! I didn't play you!

And you said you were over it.

You're right. I am over this.

I'm a million percent off this.

You and me both, and you know what?

I think we tried this
friendship thing too soon

because we're clearly not ready.

No, and I don't think
we'll ever be ready,

'cause I was never
trying to be your friend.

- I was in love with you.
- And I was in love with you, too.

♪♪

[SIGHS]

♪♪

♪ I don't really... with many people ♪

It turned out the balance
of friendship with an ex

was way more complicated
than I'd anticipated.

While some people are mature enough

to navigate this tricky dynamic,

others backslide on
their kitchen counters.

And in my case, trying
to raise the question

of whether two exes could
ever truly be friends

ultimately raised more
questions than answers.

♪♪

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

DOUGLAS: Babe!

- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- I have a surprise for you!

Jazlyn?

♪♪

What?

Oh.

What is it?

Your phone?

I don't get it.

Look, it finally came.

[GASPS]

Oh, baby. You got TSA Pre-Check?

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

♪♪

Wait, you didn't get Global Entry?

[EXHALES SHARPLY]