09x09 - Factory Where Nuts Are Handled

[bunniefuu]

[Whirring]
[Theme music plays]

[Whirring]

Man: It's alive!

[Thunder rumbles]

Shame! Shame!
[Sheeps baaing "shame"]

Shame! Shame!

Excellent.
So, you're not going to talk.

Then how about a dip
in my lava Jacuzzi?

[Clears throat] Megatron,
you're sure this is a Maximal

in disguise and not
just a plain, old panda?

Of course, Scorponok.
Look at his smug face.

[Panda squeaking]

I'm just asking 'cause these
little guys are endangered,

and, well, pretty adorbs.

Yes, I'm ...
I'm not a monster.

I wouldn't m*rder a real panda.

You're loving this, aren't you?

[Panda laughs]

- Eat hot lava, Maximal!
- Aah, no!

Sir! He's so helpless and so cute!

- Cute!
- Ohh, he's such a little baby!

Oh, my God, did you see that?!

Wow, I was really ready to do it.

- I mean... who am I anymore?
- It's the w*r.

Been out here too long, Megatron.

Yes. I may have PTSD,

but that is a [bleep] Maximal.

[Gasps]
Holy sh*t, that was close.

Oh, phew!

sh*t, that's the deepest
character work I've ever done.

Oh, my God, I almost [bleep] d*ed!
[Panda screeching]

[Dumpster wheels squeaking]

♪ Hello, mama, what's cookin'
on the stove today? ♪

Oh, my baby's home
for Thanksgiving.

Michigan, say hello to your cousin.

[Dramatic chord plays]

- Oh, hello, Pepe.
- How about that election, huh?

Bet you Hollywood
types aren't happy.

Hollywood types?
Educated types?

Folks-with-all-their-teeth
types?

- Literally-the-whole-planet types?!
- Now, boys!

Ohh, I'm sowwy.
Feels bad, man.

Does the special snowflake
need his blankie?

Could you salt these potatoes
with your liberal tears?

Ohh!
Get my mother's potatoes

out of your n*zi [bleep] mouth!
[Both grunting]

[Doors lock]

I'm not a n*zi, Michigan.
I'm just scared of the future.

Guys like me are
getting left behind.

I know you're not
a bad dude, Pepe.

You used to be a fun,
hilarious guy

until you were co-opted
by those

Alt-Right sh*t buckets for
their own nefarious purposes.

They took something
pure and perverted it.

They owe your creator ... I mean,
your dad ... a big apology.

Frogs, you've been bailed out.

- By who?
- By future generations.

They'll be cleaning up
the Dumpster fire

your generation
started for decades.

[Laughs] Nah, I'm playing.
This old lady bailed you out.

Come home
for pumpkin pie, boys!

This has been the best
Thanksgiving ever!

And maybe this president
won't be so bad!

[Laughter]

[expl*si*n]

I hate children!

Ever since Monster Mountain
was shrunk down and sent here,

we've been too tiny
and pocket-sized to scare them!

[Grunting]

That good, concise summary
of things we already knew, rah!

Boo!
[Screams]

[Panting]

[Laughs]
Screams make us bigger.

If we scare people,
we'll return to full size.

And then we will be unstoppable!

- The world will be ours!
- Rah!

You not need hold our hands.
We get it, rah.

Look, the evil monsters got
bigger when the child screamed.

But we're good monsters and
don't want to make kids scream.

Let's make them scream
with laughter, man.

What? Talking bugs?

[Laughing]
Oh, man, I'm so wasted.

Uh, uh, we'll get bigger
every time you laugh.

Okay, make me laugh, bugs.

Why do golfers bring
two pair of pants, man?

In case they get a hole in one.

Cool. I think I hear
my weed calling, so...

- I'm-a go...
- Wait. Got to read the room.

[Clears throat]
Um, a guy's buying condoms.

Cashier says,
"You want a bag?"

The guy says, "No, thanks.
She's not that ugly."

- Ha, ha, ha!
- But, look, we're growing.

What's the difference between
a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her cr*ck
and sell it again.

[Laughs]

I don't get it, man.

Sorry, villains.
Joy will defeat fear every time.

Say, man, where'd the
mummy go? [Cellphone chimes]

Hmm, "Following my dreams."
Signed, "Mummy"?

We've got a great show
tonight, okay? [applause]

Fetty Wap is here, okay?
Stick around.

[Cheers and applause]
[Music]

Pizza, pizza.
Aww!

Et tu, Brute, Brute?

I'd build you a shield,
but I'm too hungry.

My favorite food is three apples.

If I had two more apples,

I'd have the strength
to build a shield.

I can't use this.
I can't use this.

Wait, what is this?
What are you showing me?

[Gasps] There's a
world beyond this room?

[Sighs]

It's so big.
I had no idea.

I love making potions.

I just wish I had
enough spring water.

[Laughs] Okay.
I love making potions!

- I just wish ...
- Get away from me, man!

- I love making ...
- I said get away!

Miss, Miss, I need help.

Do you know where I left my hat?

I think I saw it over by the tree.

- No!
- I need fish scales

- to build a chain mail.
- Would you like to save your game?

We're slaves!
Wake up, people!

[Yawns] I need
four coins to wake up.

You've cursed me
with this knowledge,

this unattainable promise of more!

I want things to go back
to how they were.

[Sobs] Thank you!

Yum!
Now I can build you a shield.

[Hammer clanks] No! No!
Apples and shields.

That's all there is!
Apples and shields!

They're called Creepy Crawlers.

You squirt the liquid
into these molds,

then stick them in this
heater at degrees.

When the kids pull them out,

they get icky, sticky,
weird creatures.

What kind of dumbass would
buy this crap for their kid?

Oh, hush, dear. I'll fill the
molds, and you can bake them.

[Oven sizzling]

[Sighs]
I'm not getting any younger here.

[Screams]
[Screaming]

[Muffled screams]

[Screaming]

[Sobs]
Where is my husband?!

No, no!

Nobody d*ed. Approved!
Martini time!

I'm not r*cist, but...

This is for bachelor number three.
[Music]

I think a man's voice
is his sexiest attribute.

Uh...
[Chuckles nervously]

My name is Professor
Wile E. Coyote.

Welcome to Criminology ,
or as I like to call it,

"How to Get Away With m*rder."

I present to you now

the most diabolical and
un-solvable m*rder of all time,

clearly perpetrated
by a super-genius.

The victim, a Mr. Road Runner,
Accelerati incredibilus.

His remains were found here
in a shallow grave.

Nearby, receipts from
the ACME Corporation

stained with the Road Runner's blood.

How did the k*ller
combine these objects

into a clockwork-precise
homicide delivery system?

- Uh, I doubt he did.
- Excuse me?

Ball bearings?
A hang glider? Birdseed?

A giant U-shaped magnet?

Most K*llers are dumb.
Occam's razor, right?

That Road Runner
probably got hit by a car.

The k*ller was not dumb.
He was ... [Yawns]

That does it!
Field trip!

I was just taking
this class as an elective,

and now I'm in
the butt-[bleep] desert.

Now, watch. I poured
the birdseed on the road.

Then the ball bearings
go in the birdseed like so.

Try putting ball bearings
in your oatmeal tomorrow

and see if you notice or not.
Christ!

Watch closely, and tell me it's not
diabolical in its precision!

[Sighs]
I whish I brought a Lunchable.

I love Lunchables.

ACME is mandated by the
Department of Homeland Security

to post lists of individuals who
purchase rocket-powered merchandise.

- Everyone knows that!
- [Bleep] off, James.

According to ACME,
they only sold one

rocket-powered hang glider ever!
To that guy!

[Screaming]

[Groaning]

Thanks to you kids, the Road
Runner's m*rder is solved.

It's funny. If Professor Coyote
had just hit the Road Runner

with his car,
nobody would have known.

He was brought down
by his own ego.

- Who wants Lunchables?
- Uh, me. I do.

[Music]

Whoo!
Mary-Kate and Ashley Do Tijuana!

Party!

Jet skis!

Both: Lunch!

More agua, señoritas?

Enjoying your vacatión?
Dónde está your parents?

- IDK. Arizona?
- Perfecto!

[Laughs]

I had so many, uh,
Shirley-a Temples

I can't even remember
which twin I am.

- Eek!
- No! Ashley!

Wait, am I Ashley?
[Music]

I will find you
because I have skills ...

a very particular set of skills,

like tap-dancing and looking
cute while riding a horse!

- I'm gonna save you!
- Oh, my God, no!

- I'm saving you!
- Aw!

[Groans]

You run away while I distract them.

No, you distract them, and I'll ...

- I'd never leave you.
- Aw!

- Put these on.
- Oh, my God, Ashley!

Do you know what this means?

Both: Fashion montage!
[Music]

Unh-unh.

No.

Oh!

[Laughing] Yeah!

Ooh, nice!
Twin virgins! Yeah!

- Yep.
- Um...

Mary Kate!
We said we were gonna

- lose our virginities together!
- Okay, kinda weird.

I've been a terrible twin.

No, I have. I shouldn't
have yelled at you.

It's okay.
I forgive you.

Mm, yeah, that's it.

[Laughs] Yeah, now kiss.
Yeah!

Both: Ew!
We're sisters, you sicko!

[Both grunting]
[Music]

[Both sigh]

[Grunts]

[g*ns cock]
[Man groaning]

Both: Twin power!
g*ns! Yeah!

[Grunts] Take that,
Jabba the Ugh!

- Oh, my God, you are so funny.
- Stop it. You're taller.

- Oh, you stop it.
- Stop it!

[Moaning]

Oh, we're sisters.
[Moaning]

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

- Ba-gawk!
- Bawk.