01x01 - Episode 1

[bunniefuu]

HE SNORES

PHONE BUZZES

f*ck.

sh*t!

Hello? Hi, Adam.

It's Shruti, one of the SHOs.
Sorry to disturb you.

Erm, you're on the rota
for labour ward today,

and Mr Lockhart...
Er, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Erm, tell him I'm really sorry.

I think there's been an accident.
I've been sat here for an hour...

HE GROANS

And I'll be there in a minute.

Well, I'm not dead, am I?

Please tell me
you haven't ordered a coffin.

Of course I'm not having
an affair. I wouldn't have the time.

I just fell asleep last night
when I went to the car.

Who did you phone? Please tell me
you haven't phoned the police.

Well, who did you phone, then?

Oh, sorry.

Who did you phone, then?

My mum?!

sh*t. Are you deranged?

And what did she...?

SHE CRIES OUT

Don't go anywhere. I'm going
to call you right back.

Is coming out!

Is coming out!

Well, a stroke of luck,
you've come to the right place.

Let's get you up to
labour ward, shall we?

It's, erm, a bit of a walk,
I'm afraid.

SHE CRIES OUT

Do you mind if I have
a quick check?

I'm a doctor.
Probably should have said.

I'm Adam. And you are...?

Andrea. Andrea.

SHE GASPS

OK. OK, Andrea, so, erm, baby's arm

has come out. That is normal?

Take a wild guess.
Baby is lying sideways.

Do you understand that? Sideways?

So you need a Caesarean section.
Oh, Caesarean.

I've got a scalpel in my
back pocket. You'll be fine.

Shall we go?

Yeah. Yeah? That's it.

That's it. You OK?

Erm, Andrea, I know a short cut.
Let's go this way.

I don't want to hurry you, Andrea,

but we've got to get going.
You're doing brilliantly.

It's OK. Deep breaths.
PORTER: Mind yourselves!

Come on, then, quickly. Hurry up.

SHE CRIES OUT
That's it, we're nearly there.

We're going to go up in
the staff lift.

Nearly there, nearly there.

Come on. This is lift?
It's safe. Come on.

Really? Yeah. You can do it.
I can't!

No, wait. Wait, wait.

Wait for it. No, no, no.
OK, are you ready?

Three, two, one.
SHE CRIES OUT

Keep breathing.
Nice deep breaths.

When I say so, we're going to
jump out of the lift.

Are you a real doctor?

Fair question...

..though, strangely,
one you've asked me

after you showed me your vag*na.

Right, there you go. Yes?

OK, so, let's get ready.

Get ready.

And jump! Don't worry, don't worry.

The lift will go round
and we'll have another go.

You're doing really well.
What's happening?

It's just going through the...

..through the roof bit
before it goes down.

CLANGING

All right?
It'll be light again soon.

Something's wrong! Look! OK.

Jesus Christ.
We call this a cord prolapse.

Ideally, it would happen on labour
ward, not in a mad lift.

OK, Andrea,
everything's going to be fine.

I mean, it might be fine.

If the cord gets cold,
then baby stops getting blood.

No more blood, no more baby.

Right, hold it inside.
You understand? Inside.

Yeah. Come on, come on, come on.

Are you the SHO? Staff lifts now.

Bring a hospital bed
and a box of gloves.

Literally now. Cord prolapse.

SHE CRIES OUT
Right, come on, Andrea,

we need to get off. Get ready.

And jump! Jump! Jump!
Can't! f*ck it.

Come on. OK?

ANDREA SCREAMS

Andrea, stay there.

Get her up on the bed.
Knee-elbow position,

replace the cord,
get her round to theatre.

I'm going to change into some
scrubs. You consent her.

Consent her for...?
A deep-tissue massage.

It's a cord prolapse!

Caesarean! Oh, well, when you say,

"knee-elbow position"...

My mistake, sorry.

Your outfit looks a lot like
what the doctors wear.

ANDREA SCREAMS

I'll do this. You push the bed.

Get up on here. That's it.

A bit less Alton Towers.

I'm so sorry.

Why don't I drive?

You go and find the anaesthetist.

That's the doctor
that makes you go sleep-sleep.

SHE GROANS

I've found the husband.

He's just coming up from reception.

OK, Andrea, this is going to be
fine. You'll have a baby

in five minutes. And is free?
Yep, free. Completely free.

We're not even allowed
to accept tips.

SHE GASPS

Dr Adam, you should see me next.
It's really urgent.

Really? Erika, darling, can you just
take a seat for me, please?

Tracy! How was Majorca?
Did Mick like the hotel?

Erika, just go back to triage.

HE SPEAKS ROMANIAN

I did explain that the doctor
would be

holding the cord inside.
HE SPEAKS ROMANIAN

Probably didn't tell him I'd be
wearing her like Kermit the Frog.

I don't understand.

That's baby's heartbeat.
Welcome to the NHS.

ANDREA CRIES OUT

BABY CRIES

This is obs and gynae.

Also known as brats and twats.

You're generally
sailing the ship alone...

..a ship that's massive
and on fire and no-one's had

the time to teach you how to sail.

It's literally life or death here.

And you're constantly being
splashed by bodily fluids.

Not even the fun kind.

But what other doctors can say they
end up with twice the number of

patients they started with?

b*at that, geriatrics.

Clothes bill means I'm...

..probably running my job
at a loss, though.

Ah, Mr Lockhart. Having fun there?

I was just... Yeah, I'm not entirely
convinced I want to know.

I don't know if you heard,
there was a massive

cord prolapse before.

Erm, crash section.
Got the baby out in 90 seconds.

I heard that you rocked up
ten minutes late,

nearly k*lled a patient
in the maintenance lift,

then did a Caesarean section
in casualwear.

It was more that I took
a short cut.

Doctors aren't meant to take
short cuts, Adam.

Remember when I asked you
to be an acting registrar?

Can you try acting like
a bloody registrar?

I'll be in my office
if you need me,

which I strongly suggest you won't.

You've missed a bit.

SCREAMING

PORTER: Mind out, please, mind out.

WOMAN: It's really urgent!
I know, petal, but I promise you

the doctor won't be long.
Pinkie promise?

Pinkie promise with a little cherry
on top.

Oh!

Why don't you head back
to where you were sitting?

Moany old trout. Morning, Ria.
Morning, Dr Kay.

Oh, there he is! Ward round, Trace?

Can I ask you
something personal, darling?

Is it, "Why do you look
like sh*t this morning?"

I wasn't going to ask it like that.

I slept in my car last night.

Well, it must be hard
maintaining a relationship,

what, with your job...

..and your personality.

Tracy's the head midwife
on today.

I'd let her sew up
my sister's perineum...

..which sounds weird,
now that I've said it,

but it's actually the highest
compliment I can give.

Oh, remember to remove the thick,
shiny layer on the outside.

Ignore him. His girlfriend's come to
her senses and dumped him.

No-one's dumped anyone.
But if you do want to smack him,

I will turn a blind eye.

Do you mind if we
nip to Room 8 first?

She's making pretty slow progress.

Pop downstairs and review
Mrs Buckstar quickly.

Doctors speak a lot of code,
so it's "epididymo-orchitis"

rather than "gammy cock and balls".

"Review Mrs Buckstar,"
"Go to Starbucks."

Which ward is Mrs Buckstar in?

He wants you to get him a fancy
coffee without me knowing.

PHONE VIBRATING
Milk and one sugar for me, please.

I'm in labour, Mother,
not quadriplegic.

Hi. I'm Adam, one of the doctors.

I'm afraid I've got some bad news.

You've spelt 'pavilion' wrong.

Would you like a sweetie, dear?

The doctor's not going to
give me better care

because you offer him a Murray Mint.
In fairness, I might, actually.

All right?

You've got a little bit stuck
at six centimetres,

so I suggest we wang the dose up

on the drip that's helping
your contractions...

Is "wang" a medical term? Sure is.

And if that doesn't work,
we'll, erm...

Anna, let's put the Synto onto 84
and re-examine in four hours.

It won't be me, actually.
I'll be home by then.

Really? Well, I've been here
15 hours.

If I stay any longer, they'll start
charging me council tax.

Right. Don't worry, darling,

I'll do it, so at least
it'll be a familiar face.

Could you do the examination
instead, Doctor?

It does make more sense
for Tracy to do it.

Where did you train?
TRACY: Would you like me to pop home

and get my degree certificates?

There's no way
you could stay, is there?

Erm, I'm not sure I like
where this is going.

You're not saying I can't choose who

does intimate examinations on me,
are you?

I'm saying you won't be choosing
based on the colour of their skin.

Adam! What? When did anyone say
anything about skin colour?

It's called patient choice.

It's important to have choice,
like tonight I might...

..choose to order a pizza
rather than firebomb a mosque.

I think what Dr Kay meant to say...

What I'm saying is, I know it's
stressful being on labour ward,

but anything more like this,
and I will have to have you

removed from the building.
Is that understood?

OK. OK, let's cr*ck on, shall we?

PATIENT: w*nk*r.

That had better be a crossword
answer.

No, dear, she called you a w*nk*r.

What the hell was all that about?

I guess white supremacists
have babies, too.

Not her. You.

Me? I don't need a white knight
to defend my honour.

Hang on. I'm the registrar.

Acting registrar.

I'm the most senior doctor here.
Until somebody more senior turns up.

Well, I'm running this ward now, and
it's up to me... No, I'm running

this ward, young man,
and I'm more than capable

of handling myself,
and the moment that I can't,

I'll let somebody know,

and I don't want to spoil
the surprise - it won't be you.

And don't tell the patients
that you're kicking them out.

This is the NHS,
not your golf club.

Which room are we kicking out?

PHONE BUZZES
No, we're not kicking

anybody out, Benilda.
They're all in labour,

so we thought we might wait
until they had their babies.

Well, get a move on.

The hospital's
on red alert for beds.

We're actually more than
halfway to black alert.

So, like, dusky-merlot alert.

Can you, er, go to gynae?

The lady in bed 17's fit for home.

I'm actually in the middle
of a ward round.

But, yeah, I mean,
I'll find a moment.

Before you do that, you'll need to

fill out an incident form
for Room 8. Hang on,

I didn't have to do one
for the cord prolapse.

ALARM BLARES

Erika?
NURSE: Third attendance this week

with non-specific symptoms.
ALARM STOPS

OK, everybody, back to your jobs.
We don't need the Polyphonic Spree.

Shoo, shoo. Oh. Come on.

Not you!

Oh! Oh, God, I'm so sorry.

Right, surprise me.
What's the management?

Right. Er...

OK, well, I would, erm...

..check for a patent airway,

er, then I would put her

in the left lateral position,
run high oxygen flow

through a non-rebreather mask,
erm, check for

a pulse...

So near and yet so sh*t.

So, when people
are really unconscious...

..their hands
smash into their faces.

PHONE BUZZES

Adam?

Adam!

Adam?

Do you think I'm rubbish?

Look, I wasn't great
on my first week, either.

I've been here two months!

Two months?
Well, I just haven't had a chance

to do much hands-on stuff yet.

How many babies have you delivered?

Erm...

No babies have needed delivery
in two months?

Everyone's always too busy
to teach me.

You just need to be
less of a wallflower.

It's dog eat dog in this place.

And...

..the dogs eat wallflowers.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I've been elbow-deep in a patient,

I've had an ethnostate in Room 8
and someone else playing dead.

Oh, and I've got blood
matted into my pubes.

ON PHONE: I love it
when you talk dirty.

Right, so, who did you say you were?

My name's Harry.

When you called my mother.

I said I was your f*ck buddy.

I said I was your flatmate.

But she knows we've only got
one bedroom.

Wild idea, but you know you
could just...tell her about us?

You don't know her. She'll turn
you into stone, or something.

Nah. Mums love me.
It's like my superpower.

How are we going
to fake our own deaths,

then, before Greg's stag do?

I'm thinking avalanche,
helicopter crash...

Ah, it'll be a laugh.
Carbon-monoxide poisoning?

PAGER BEEPS
Shouldn't you pop along,

seeing as you're the best man?
Crap. I was meant to go to gynae.

Sorry, call you later.
Don't apologise.

That's the longest call
we've had in months.

I was starting to get bored.

♪ No-no, no, no

♪ No-no-no, no, no-no, no

♪ No, no-no

♪ No, no, no-no

♪ No-no, no, no

♪ No-no, no, no

♪ No-no, no, no-no, no

♪ Nobody can do the
♪ Shing-a-ling... ♪

Erm, good news, Mrs W.

You are finally free to go home.

Are you stupid?

I was told you were good to go,
but, yeah, you don't look great.

Speak for yourself.

PAGER BEEPS

Erm, must have been
a bit of a mix-up.

I'll come back later.
I need to see someone else now.

Hopefully a hairdresser.

♪ Skate
♪ Like I do

♪ Nobody can do
♪ Boogaloo

♪ Like I do

♪ Nobody can do
♪ Philly

♪ Like I do

♪ Well, don't you know
I'm gonna skate right through... ♪

Dr Kay, you're needed in Room 4.

Yes, I know...

♪ When I go to Philly, I do

♪ Ain't nobody doin' it but me, babe

♪ Nobody but me

♪ Well, let me tell you, nobody

GROANING

♪ But nobody but me

♪ Let me tell you, nobody

♪ Nobody
Nobody...

Never actually let the patient
see the forceps.

The only people happy
with two-foot-long metal salad tongs

inserted in their vaginas
are people who aren't aware

that there are two-foot-long
metal salad tongs

inserted in their vaginas.

It's only a few more minutes.
Shut up, Graham!

And put your shirt back on.
Just breathe.

That's what's important.
SHE GROANS

You're doing so good.

You're doing so well.

You're doing so well,
my little soldier!

Shut up, Graham.
I'm going to play the song now.

GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS
Seen one before? Yes...

See one, do one, teach one.

PATIENT: I don't like this song.

Change the song, change the song.

Wait for a contraction.

And pull.

You got to keep breathing.

PATIENT CRIES OUT

Just find your centre, baby.

No stress. Graham...

PHONE BUZZES

Dr Kay speaking.
It's Greg. You've not answered

any emails in four days. No-one even
knows where we're meeting.

Push, push, push, push, push!
Pull as hard as you can! Now!

Oh, God, tell me
you're not having sex.

Just on labour ward right now.
I know it's traditional

for the best man to humiliate
the groom on his stag do,

and traditionally that involves
handcuffs and a sex worker...

Just put some oomph into it.

Welly's threatening to take over
and drag us all to a strip club.

No, no, no, we won't be
going to...breast clinic.

If this doesn't work,
will we have to do a Caesarean?

It will work. Erm, look, it's all
going to be civilised, don't worry.

You say, "Don't worry," but you'll
understand why I am still worried.

Tell everyone 8 o'clock
upstairs at the Crown.

I'll see you later. I really need to
get back to this vag*na.

Yeah, well, you're definitely
not having sex, then.

GRAHAM: You got to
stay breathing, OK?

That's it, that's it.
You're doing brilliantly.

Thanks. I was talking
to the patient.

Nice and slowly, nice and slowly.
Don't let her tear.

You're so beautiful!
Graham, just stop.

Nice and slowly, nice and...

Dad, do you want to come down
and see baby being born?

Oh, my God, where's its face?!
What's the matter with his face?!

PATIENT SCREAMS

BABY CRIES
His face is fine.

Just on the front of his head,
not the back.

Remember I said,
"Don't let her tear"?

Adam's a good name.
HE CHUCKLES

You've got a bit of a tear
going into the back passage.

We'll get you round to theatre,

and have that repaired nicely
for you.

Won't take more than an hour or so.

HE CLEARS THROAT

SHE SNIFFS

Adam, I'm so sorry.
I wish I could've sewn it up myself.

I've just never actually done it...
It's fine.

Besides, my genitals
were wondering why

they hadn't been covered
in blood for a few hours.

Better do an incident form.

How are we doing here, then?

All under control, Mr Lockhart.

Miracles never cease.
Could you just have...

I thought I told you to
discharge that gynae patient.

I see the miracles have ceased.

No. But she's not even...

Are my team causing you trouble,
Ms Mendoza?

We're full on labour ward.

Post-nates, ante-nates, gynae.
I don't know how we're supposed

to admit anyone from A&E.

We've been on red alert all day, and
we're practically at black alert.

Burgundy alert, then.
ALL LAUGH

I'm sure we can do
something about that for you.

Can't we, Dr Kay?
Yeah, we could pull out

the patient's drips,
and chuck her out the window.

I knew you'd think of something.

Leave it with us. Can I help at all?

You could pop down
to the coffee shop.

There's a vacancy for a barista.

Shruti did her first
forcep delivery earlier.

Er, yeah, yeah.

She had been in second stage
for over an hour, and we...

Very good. Walk with me, Adam.

Quick story for you.

So, there's this
acting obstetric registrar,

and he walks into a room
and he calls his patient a n*zi.

Oh, you're making it so much worse
than it was.

She was being r*cist to Tracy...
Every mother and baby

on this ward is relying
on your good decisions,

and your good judgment.
Apologise to Tracy,

apologise to the patient,

and send some people home.

Oh, and, Adam?

Stop being sh*t.

♪ You hit me once
I hit you back

PAGER BEEPS

♪ You gave a kick
I gave a slap

♪ You smashed a plate over my head
Then I set fire to our bed

♪ You hit me once
I hit you back... ♪

Rachel Glover?

Kerry Salisbury?

Caroline Morobeto?

♪ Oh, my black eye casts no shadow

♪ Your red eye sees no blame

♪ Your slaps don't stick
Your kicks don't hit

♪ So we remain the same

♪ Blood sticks, sweat drips

♪ Break the lock if it don't fit

♪ A kick in the teeth
is good for some

♪ A kiss with a fist
is better than none

♪ Whoa

♪ A kiss with a fist
is better than none. ♪

So, you've recovered from earlier.

Oh, yes.
Oh, God, sorry, Dr Adam.

I don't know what came over me.

So, remind me, how many weeks
are you?

Oh, God, I hate maths.

I couldn't even tell you
in months. Er...

Erm, OK, let's think.

So... Birthday's in June.

I'll be 27...

Well, it's got to be,
like, 2,000 weeks?

You're 25 weeks.

Oh!

You mean the baby.

SHE LAUGHS

So, erm, what's the...problem?

Well, I woke up this morning
with a headache,

and my tongue is just, like,
totally covered in spots.

Right. Let's have a look.

OK.

I'm afraid that what you have
is known as...

..taste buds.

Oh.
SHE LAUGHS

So, is there someone at home
we can call

to come and collect you,

or do you live here now?

Oh, God, no, who'd want
to live with me?

PAGER BEEPS

Right.

Adam, that lady you just saw,
her blood pressure's a bit high.

Do you want me to send her for
some bloods? Just send her home.

No, wait. Erm, yes, do the bloods.

Yep?

What's the trace like?

Isn't the evening registrar
here yet?

OK. Fine.

Right, we're doing a Caesarean
for Room 8.

Dr Adam? Dr Adam,
sorry, sorry, I meant to say.

My teeth have become
a bit itchy.

Send her home.

Don't ask to do it. I'm tired.

I need to be gone ten minutes ago.

Erm, so, we're all good to go.

We'll have baby out in five minutes,

and may I just say,
I misspoke before

and I'm very sorry.
All water under the bridge.

But just checking it will be you
doing this operation

and nobody else.

Yes.

Yes, it will. Yeah.

Actually, f*ck it. You've got
to learn some time. You're up.

Come on, you've seen one.
Y-Yeah...

So you know the routine.
See one, f*ck one up, teach one.

Really? Thank you.

Are you sure?
Not especially. Come on.

Are you happy?

Right, come on.

This it? Yeah. Hurry up, please,

I think the anaesthetist's
retiring next week.

Adam? Mm?

Stretch it. Come on.
Harder than that.

Right, through the peritoneum, then.

Pop your finger in. You're not
going to damage anything.

OK.

Oh!

Adam? Adam?

Er, yeah, OK, good. Great.
So, you're going to make

a U-shape in the lower segment
of the uterus,

and then you're going to extend
it with your fingers.

What if there isn't a lower segment?

You know, like if
it's before 32 weeks.

Yeah, we usually save
the Q&A session for afterwards.

It would just be a horrible, bloody
mess. Come on, get on with it.

Is that...? Good.

Now what?

I think even you can guess
what happens next. Come on.

That's it.

Just guide the head out.
It's coming.

OK.

That's it.

One baby coming up...

BABY CRIES

No, get her off me.
I'm not having a Paki

delivering my baby! Get her off me!

Stop touching it! You promised
that you would do it!

Excuse me, get me out of this!
Take this!

What is this? Get this off me!

Adolf's a good name.
Mum, will you do something?!

You did really well.

One Caesarean down, 8,000 to go.

To be fair, they don't normally
end like that.

Erm, write up the notes and
mention that I closed the skin.

Oh, gosh, isn't he wonderful?

Oh, for...

PHONE RINGS

Cancellations hotline.

Press 1 for you need to stay
at work, leaving me to make

small talk with 20 public-school
dickheads I barely know.

That's unfair.
There's only 15 of them.

And I'm just leaving now.

No way! Can you bring
a change of clothes, please?

Yeah. Anything in particular?

Erm, something smart-casual

and not totally encrusted
with a stranger's blood?

Hula skirt and feather boa
it is, then.

HE CHUCKLES
See you in a bit.

You can't help being ill, darling.

I'll just get somebody else
to pick her up.

Right. Bye-bye.

Er, Adam?

I saw what you did to that dolphin.

A gentleman never discusses
a lady's blowhole.

Do you want my advice, Adam?
Erm, not really.

That is exactly your problem.

It was pretty funny, though, right?

♪ Prophet six-zero-zero-nine-one

♪ This is the flight number

♪ Of our galactic sun

♪ Prophet six-zero-zero-nine-one

♪ Before we start

♪ You should know that
you're not the only one

♪ Who can hurt me... ♪

ENGINE STARTS

It's my second-favourite doctor!

Who's number one?

David Tennant. First series.

How was work?
Fine, thanks. Who are they?

No idea, but they're better
craic than your mates upstairs.

Oh, come on.

I'm sure you'll find something
in common with them.

There you go. See?
Wearing the same T-shirt.

Some guy called...Welly
brought them.

Well, they're not
too terrible, considering.

Shall we just do this? Come on.

SHOUTING AND CHEERING

Ah! 7:58. There you go.

I knew you wouldn't let me down.

No, you didn't. Yeah, fine.
May have lost a small bet.

Nightmare! This place doesn't do
Jagerbombs!

Whatever will we do?

Adster! Welly. Don't do that.

Where's your T-shirt?
Yeah, Adster, where's your T-shirt?

Put it on.

CHANTING: Put it on.

Put it on, put it on,
put it on, put it on!

Yes! And as for you...

..one pint of gin.

No, I'm not going to drink that.

Well, you will be, because it's
tradi-ti-on. How can it be

a tradition? I've never got
married before.

Right, I need a drink.
Is this my stuff?

So, did your mum call?
She left a voicemail.

Ah. And you didn't listen.

No. I'm changing my number
and moving to Venezuela.

You done there?

BOTH LAUGH

Right, come on, what do you want?

I think 12 litres of vodka Red Bull
should probably do it.

Er, can I get a bottle
of Sauvignon Blanc and...

PHONE BUZZES

..a rum and Coke, please?
This'll be Jakesy.

He's probably gone to Poland
by mistake. Hello?

ON PHONE: Kay.
Mr Lockhart! I'm just in a...

CHANTING: Pint of gin, pint of gin!

..supermarket.

Sorry, Mr Lockhart, how can I help?

Er, listen, the locum registrar

hasn't turned up
for the night shift.

Erm... Who's the senior reg?

Er, I don't think he'd get here
from Sydney in time.

Well, do say if you've got
something more important on.

Erm, no. No, no, no. Erm...

No, I can do it.

Will the missus understand?

She'll be fine with it.
Good man. Bye!

LOCKHART HANGS UP

How long are you going to be?
A couple of hours?

12. I'm so sorry. And there's
no-one else who could...?

I'm sorry. It's really crap for you.

You don't have to stay here,
obviously. I'll be grand.

I've never had a...pint of gin
before.

Just a couple more years,
then I'll be a consultant,

and it'll just be me,
you and an Aston Martin.

It would be nice to live
somewhere a bit more spacious.

We can shower
in the glove compartment.

Right, go on. You've got
some babies to deliver.

You should have gone along
with my avalanche idea.

OK, your first best-manly duty
is to rescue my dad.

Welly's trying to get him to
drink a shoe full of sambuca.

Shoe-ca! Shoe-ca!

You're going to hate me.

There's a...staffing emergency
at the hospital.

There's no doctors on labour ward.

No. So I have to go back in.
Drink this. Then you can't go in.

I can't.
OK, give me one good reason.

Er...

Er, because I, erm...
Because you'd rather be at work.

Yeah, have a good night, mate.

f*ck's sake!

Do you want
the good news or the bad news?

Erm, the good. Oh, I was worried
you'd say that.

It's all bad, I'm afraid.

The wards are stuffed to the gills,

there's no SHO, and
the midwife in charge is Tracy.

Well, she was working during
the day. The other one.

"Non-Reassuring Trace."

Right, I'm off home.
But call me whenever.

I won't. Good man.

You're very intent on
showing me your penis today.

They need to increase the credits

on the scrub machine.
You can practically tell

who did your circumcision.
Made a right meal of it.

WOMAN: Keep going.

Hi, Trace. How can I help?
Oh, Doctor, thank God you're here.

Can you see Room 11 for me?

I'm desperately worried
about her.

Quick as you can.

WOMAN SCREAMS

BABY CRIES

Yeah. Yeah, it was amazing.

No, I didn't take a photo!
It's someone else's baby!

Yeah, I know,
Mum said the exact same thing.

Actually, I'm not going to
make it home this weekend,

but, erm...
SHE SPEAKS HINDI

Mm-hm. Yeah,
erm, I love you, too. OK. Bye.

Bye.

What the hell
are you still doing here?

Don't you have a depressing flat
to go back to?

The incident forms
are longer than you think.

Just go home.

I'll do yours when I do mine.

This is yours. Oh, no way!

ALARM BLARES

I wouldn't break a sweat.
Non-Reassuring-Tracey's on.

The patient's probably farted.

WOMAN SCREAMS

25 weeks. First baby.

Blood pressure's through the roof.

SHE SCREAMS
Grade one Caesarean section.

Get anaesthetics round
to theatres now.

Tell paeds it's a 25-weeker
with placental abruption.

Severe pre-eclampsia.

Turns out I probably
shouldn't have sent her home.

Erika, listen. I'm very worried
about your baby.

Placenta's coming away.
I need to deliver you immediately

to save baby's life.

It's too early! I'm going to perform
a Caesarean section.

Do you understand?
SHE SCREAMS

Do you want your consultant in?

I've got this, thanks, Tracy.

Is my sister here? We've called her,
and she'll be here in time

to say hello to your baby.
Or goodbye.

Why don't you count down
from 20 for me?

20, 19...18...

Come on.

Are you happy? Ready when you are.

Adam, have you done a 25-week
Caesarean before? No.

I've seen one.

Pull. Quick. And retractor in.

Adam?

MAN: Yeah, chest movement. Adam?

Adam! Er, sorry. Swabs, please.

Let's start the suction.

Oh, my God.

Come on. sh*t.

Pressures aren't great here.
What's the blood loss like?

Er, it's a litre,
a litre-and-a-half.

Can you bleep the on-call
haematologist?

I'm going to need some more blood
products.

Find out who's
the anaesthetic consultant.

More swabs.

I-I can't see anything.
It's too thick to stitch.

So much blood. sh*t, I can't...

I... I can't get it under...

f*ck!

This is insane. I can't...
I can't see anything. sh*t!

f*ck! Adam...

..you can do this.

I can't. I can't do this.

This woman's going to die,
and it's my fault.

Shall we get Mr Lockhart in?

Yeah. Yeah, please. Tracy,
will you call Mr Lockhart

and ask him to come in, please?

I called him before you started.
Why did you do that? I...

Thank you.

HE RETCHES

I'm really sorry.

It was really busy,

and I genuinely thought
that she was crying wolf.

She was crying severe
early-onset pre-eclampsia,

which you'd have known if you'd done
so much as a blood test.

And then, for some reason,
you attempted an operation

any consultant would struggle with.

Oh, you can buy Tracy a box
of chocolates, by the way,

for calling me in.

Can I just say...? No!

Amend your entry from when you first
saw this patient this afternoon.

Write that you discussed
with me over the phone,

and that I advised you
to send her home.

What?

No, you don't have to do that.

Well, you didn't have to
come in tonight.

I did. Yeah, you did.

Hi. Um...

..something to keep you going.

SLAM

PHONE BUZZES

Hi. I'm one of the obstetric,
erm, registrars.

Are you lost?

Erm, I'm looking for...

..baby Van Hegan. The 25-weeker.

Ah! Are you the one who, er...?

Well, you're not going to knock
over the incubator, are you?

Bed 5.

I'm really sorry.

I was...really tired,
and I just wanted to get home.

And...this place is insane.

And...

..I f*cked up.

I mucked up.

Sorry.

I tried my best.

WHISPERS: Just promise me
you'll have a normal head scan.

Enjoy your last night of p*ssy.

♪ I've been workin', baby

♪ For too long now

♪ Just wanna get next to you, boy

♪ I've been searchin', baby

♪ A way to tell you how

♪ Gotta get through to you, boy

♪ Never said it was sunshine

♪ But you took it all of the time

♪ Never said it was sunshine

♪ But you took it all of the time

♪ All of the time

♪ All of the time

♪ All of the time

♪ You took it all of the time

♪ There's no escaping now

♪ Let me show you how

♪ What it feels to be true

♪ I've been workin', baby

♪ For too long now

♪ Just wanna get next to you, boy

♪ I've been searchin', baby

♪ A way to tell you how

♪ Gotta get through to you, boy. ♪