02x16 - The Gambler

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Fred, open up.

[Fred] What do you want?

How about a game of marbles, Fred?

Marbles?

Come right in, boy. I need somebody to practice with.

I have to get real good.

[Barney] Why, Fred?

I got my reasons.

Hey, tell you what, Fred.

We'll play for a nickel if you wanna bet.

Bet?

[stammering] Bet, bet, bet.

[whistles]

[siren wailing]

[Betty and Wilma laughing]

These old snapshots are a scream.

Look, Betty, here's a baby picture of Fred his mother gave me.

In those days, they used to pose him on a bear rug.

[Betty] And that's not all that was bare.

This is the day Fred and I got married.

Oh, gee, doesn't Fred look handsome in tails?

Yeah. Genuine black leopard too.

And here we are on our honeymoon at Bedrock Race Track.

[Betty] Sure looks like Fred was having fun.

And here we are at Hialeah Stone for the derby.

Fred had a wonderful honeymoon.

He bet a three-horse parlay on a daily double and won.

Sounds real romantic.

[Wilma] This was taken at Hollyrock Park.

That was the day Fred had a sure thing. He bet everything we had.

And lost?

Yeah.

I was miffed at Fred about that.

Miffed? I'd have screamed my head off.

In those days, Fred would've bet on anything.

Well, whatever cured Fred of betting, Wilma?

Well, I had him go to a psychiatrist.

How did you get him to go?

Well, I bet a month's house money at poker with him and he lost.

That's right. A real gambler never goes back on his bets.

They'll skip house payments, the kids' lunch money, but gambling debts are debts of honor.

Right.

Fred got so bad.

If anyone even mentioned the word "bet," he'd, like, quiver, roll his eyes, and make funny noises like this, "Bet, bet, bet."

Oh, you poor dear.

That's why I made him go to a doctor.

"Betting Freddie" they all called me when I was a kid.

Anytime anyone said the word "bet," something came over me.

I'd hear bells, whistles.

I'd go, "Bet, bet, bet."

I'd just have to bet.

I couldn't help myself.

It was that way all the time I was a kid.

Mm.

And then what happened when you grew up and heard the word "bet"?

I'd hear louder bells and whistles and more "bet, bet, bet."

But I always figured I had the will power to quit anytime I wanted to.

You are kidding yourself, Flintstone.

You have become a compulsive bettor.

I have not.

Yes. Yes, you have.

I'll bet you 6-to-5 I haven't.

Aha! See what I mean, Flintstone?

Oh. It's really got me, huh, doc?

Yes, yes.

And unless you stop, you're going to lose your home, your wife, everything.

Yeah. I see that now.

You're the type of bettor that losing only makes you more determined.

That's right. I'm only happy when I win.

I'm a real nice winner, but, ooh, what a sorehead loser.

There's a lot of people like that.

You should never bet again.

Doc, I'll do it. I'll never bet again.

And Fred never has bet again?

Never. He's been an ideal husband ever since.

[Fred] Wilma.

Your ideal husband is home, Wilma.

I didn't say he was perfect. He's ideal as husbands go.

Every night when I come home...

Oh, hello, Betty.

[Betty] Hi, Fred.

Hello, Fred.

We were looking over some old snapshots, Fred.

And say, you were a chubby little rascal, weren't you, with your bear rug showing?

Betty.

Yes, Fred?

Out, out, out.

Yes, Fred.

[giggling]

Night, Wilma. Call you tomorrow.

Wilma, I have told you a thousand times don't show anyone that picture.

I hate to leave and miss anything, but I better get home to Barney.

[giggling]

Fred, you shouldn't get all upset about nothing.

Well, all I get around here is aggravation.

I come home, no newspaper.

Big deal. The newspaper isn't here. The end of the world.

It'll be the end of that paperboy when I get my hands on him.

Arnold may have been kept after school or something.

Well, I'm gonna find that kid and cancel my paper.

[door slams]

For some reason, Fred and Arnold always have a thing going.

That kid Arnold, he's got no sense of responsibility.

He's getting paid to deliver the paper on time, but he never does.

And no wonder.

Playing marbles instead of delivering my paper.

Hey, Arnold.

Hi, Mr. Flintstone.

Arnold, I'm canceling my paper.

You gotta learn to run a business. I am through as your customer.

I'm sorry, Mr. Flintstone.

Well, you have to learn to do what you're supposed to do.

Uh, you'd like to pay me what you owe me, sir?

Of course.

How much is it? Twenty-two dollars and twelve cents.

Twenty-two dollars?

That's right, Mr. Flintstone. You haven't paid me for a long time.

You kept saying, "Put it on my bill. Put it on my bill."

I didn't know it was so much.

Tell you what, Arnie-boy, forget what I said.

You keep delivering the paper. I don't want you to lose me as a customer.

I can't afford to lose you now, Mr. Flintstone.

Good.

And to show you there's no hard feelings, I'll sh**t you a game of marbles.

Okay, Mr. Flintstone.

But it's only fair to warn you. I used to be a marble champ when I was your age.

I'll bet you a marble I beat you, Mr. Flintstone, if you wanna bet.

[stuttering] Bet, bet, bet!

[sighs]

Not a marble, Arnie.

Let's make it interesting.

We'll play for the 22 bucks I owe you, double or nothing.

But Mr. Flintstone... Now, here's the way we'll do it.

We keep sh**ting until one of us knocks the marble right out of the ring. Okay?

But $22, Mr. Flintstone?

Think big, Arnold.

Come on, my boy. You go first.

If you say so, Mr. Flintstone.

You owe me $44, Mr. Flintstone.

I'm thinking big now.

How lucky can you get?

We'll do that again, double or nothing, and I'll go first this time.

Okay, Mr. Flintstone.

Cut out that heavy breathing, Arnold.

You're trying to rattle me? No, Mr. Flintstone.

Well, watch it.

Yes, Mr. Flintstone.

That's it.

Go, go, go.

Hit it. Hit it.

Yabba-dabba...

[groans]

Nice try, Mr. Flintstone, but you missed. Now it's my turn, Mr. Flintstone.

Well, stop talking so much and sh**t.

Okay, Mr. Flintstone.

Heckle, heckle, heckle.

[babbling]

[Arnold] That's $88 you owe me, Mr. Flintstone.

What happened?

I promised Wilma I wouldn't bet anymore. I'm back to being Betting Freddie again.

I can't play anymore, Mr. Flintstone. You can pay me now.

I cannot. I don't carry that kind of dough on me.

Don't you trust me?

Sure, I trust you, Mr. Flintstone, because you're a real sport.

And a real sport never welches.

He may not pay for his newspapers, but a wager, to a real sport, is a debt of honor.

Where do these kids pick up this stuff?

You're right, Arnie, Fred Flintstone always has paid off his debts of honor.

You come up to the house later and I'll pay you.

Okay, Mr. Flintstone.

I was saving that money for the lodge convention.

Now I have to pay it to that kid.

Oh, Mr. Flintstone, you forgot your paper.

Oh, yeah, Arnold, so I did.

Here, catch.

Sometimes I think he does that on purpose.

Hiya, Fred. I see you got your paper.

I got it, all right, in more ways than one.

What's the matter, Fred?

Hi, Fred. Dinner's ready.

I'm not hungry.

Not hungry?

Fred used to go without food when he was on a betting kick.

But I know that's not it. For one reason, he hasn't got any money.

Ah, there's the little beauty.

One place a wife would never think of looking for money is in the holes of a bowling ball.

[gasping]

The money's gone.

Now don't panic, Freddie-boy.

It's got to be here.

Wilma!

Uh-oh. Something's gone wrong.

Yes, Fred?

Wilma, I had some money stashed away in the holes of my bowling ball.

Did you touch it?

Oh, yes, Fred, I meant to tell you.

The men came and I had to give them some money.

Oh, boy, the men came.

What men?

The men came to repossess the TV set because you haven't been making payments.

Just as they were taking it, I happened to remember the money in the bowling ball.

Happened to remember the money in the bowling ball?

And how did you happen to remember something you didn't know about?

I'm thinking. I'm thinking. Um...

I was dusting and happened to run across the money.

Well, ain't I the lucky guy?

What a good housekeeper I have. She even dusts the holes of my bowling ball.

Oh, lay off, Fred.

The TV set is all paid up.

It's ours and nobody will take it from us.

[knocking on door]

[Wilma] Oh, hello, Arnold.

Fred, Arnold wants to see you.

He says you'll know what it's all about.

I'll see him.

Fred, now be nice to Arnold. He likes you, Fred.

Well, he's done nothing lately to endear himself to me.

Hi, Mr. Flintstone.

Hi, Arnold.

Arnie, my boy, something has come up and I will need a little more time.

I'll get the money to you as soon as I can. But you understand, don't you, Arnie?

I understand, Mr. Flintstone. You're welching.

It's hard to believe.

Like you said, sir, a debt of honor.

But I'll see you around, sir.

Hey, Arnie.

You got me wrong, Arnold.

Fred Flintstone doesn't welch on a bet.

Tell you what, Arnold. You get your wagon.

I'll give you my television set for your clubhouse to hold until I can pay you the money.

Okay, if it'll make you feel better, Mr. Flintstone.

Right. I'll get the set ready.

Good. Wilma's in the kitchen.

What's a TV set when a man's honor is at stake?

Don't forget, Arnold, I get it back when I raise the money.

Okay. Anytime, Mr. Flintstone.

Good time to catch up on my reading now that the TV is gone.

[Wilma] Fred. Yes, dear?

I went to turn on the TV set and it's gone.

Oh, heh.

I forgot to tell you, Wilma. I loaned the TV to Arnold.

You loaned the TV to Arnold?

Well, I got thinking, Arnold's Boys' Club hasn't a TV set, so I thought it'd be nice if they had TV for a couple of evenings.

Mm.

Okay. A couple of evenings.

But I want the set back by Friday.

Boy, how am I gonna get that TV set back?

It's a cinch I can't raise the money.

Hey, I could practice up on my marbles, beat Arnold, and win it back on one double-or-nothing bet.

[stuttering] Bet, bet, bet!

What excuse does Fred give for being closed up in the bedroom playing marbles, Wilma?

No excuse at all, Betty.

What excuse is there?

Any grown man that plays marbles hasn't got his marbles.

After we get our hair dried and set, we'll go home, and I'll get Barney to go over with Fred.

Good idea. Maybe Barney can find out what this is all about.

Gee, Betty, I don't wanna play marbles with Fred.

I hung up my marble bag the day I discovered girls.

I want you to go over to Fred and play marbles with him.

Wilma's worried and you can help.

I won't do it.

Oh, yes, you will.

Oh, no, I won't.

You will.

I won't. Will.

Won't.

Hey, Fred, open up.

[Fred] What do you want?

How about a game of marbles, Fred?

Marbles?

Come right in, boy. I need somebody to practice with.

I have to get real good.

[Barney] Real good at marbles? Why, Fred?

I got my reasons.

Hey, tell you what, Fred. We'll play for a nickel if you wanna bet.

[stuttering] Bet, bet, bet!

Okay, Barney, you're on, but don't tell Wilma.

Okay, Fred, I won't.

[Fred] Whoops.

Tough luck. You missed, Barney.

Now it's my turn.

That's it. You owe me a nickel, Barney.

Oh, that was a lucky shot, Fred.

Hey, let's do it again. Double or nothing. Is it a bet?

[stuttering] Bet, bet, bet!

It was sure nice of Barney to go over and play marbles with Fred.

Oh, Barney's glad to help out.

I told him to find out what's with Fred and the marble kick.

Oh, here comes Barney, Wilma.

Did you find out anything, Barney? I sure did.

Well, what did you find out? Well, what did you find out?

I found out that Fred Flintstone is no friend of mine.

What's that supposed to mean, Betty?

I don't know.

Betty, did you happen to notice what Barney was carrying when he left your house?

Mm-hm.

Our TV set.

That's what I thought.

But why?

I don't know.

Let's find out.

Yeah, let's.

There's something funny going on with TV sets lately.

Okay. There it is, Fred.

That's swell, Barney. Nobody can say you're a welcher.

Well, you won fair and square, Fred.

[Wilma] Fred, what's going on?

Oh, ha, ha.

I...

I told Barney I loaned our TV to Arnold's Boys' Club and good old Barney, he said, and I quote:

"You can have mine until you get yours back."

Wasn't that nice of him?

Fred Flintstone, you give that set back to Barney.

You heard what the lady said, Fred. You heard it.

You, Barney, are a false friend.

[Barney] Right, Fred.

And we false friends like to watch our TV programs.

Thanks, Wilma.

[Wilma] Don't mention it.

I better go to Arnold about our TV and make a deal with him.

This must be it.

Boys' Club.

Hey, Arnold.

[Arnold] What's the password?

Don't give me that password stuff. Come on out, Arnold.

Who is it? Somebody knocked?

Yeah. Me, Arnold.

Oh, it's you, Mr. Flintstone. I didn't recognize your voice.

Our TV was on.

My TV, you mean.

Oh, you have the money, Mr. Flintstone?

Uh, well, Arnie, as a matter of fact, I haven't.

But I thought maybe I could have it back until I got the money.

Gee, Mr. Flintstone, much as I'd like to, but I just couldn't.

Why not?

Because it would spoil the lesson in good sportsmanship you're teaching us kids.

I see, I see. Okay, okay.

But my wife isn't being a good sport about this.

Gee, Mr. Flintstone, I didn't suggest that we bet.

[stuttering] Bet, bet, bet!

Come on, Arnie-boy. One game, double or nothing.

If you say so, Mr. Flintstone.

What do you put up? My car.

I'm too young to drive a car.

How about a washing machine?

Oh, that's a good one, Mr. Flintstone, but what would we do with it?

But we could use some furniture for our clubhouse.

Okay, okay, my living room sofa against the TV set.

All right, Mr. Flintstone. [laughs]

The kid doesn't realize I've been practicing.

I'm ready, sir.

[announcer] Next week, same station, we will bring you another thrilling episode of The Unmentionables.

That's sure an exciting program.

[Wilma] Thanks, Betty, for letting me watch TV.

[Betty] Don't mention it, Wilma.

It doesn't sound like Fred to lend his TV set to anybody, even a Boys' Club.

No, it doesn't.

But I'm glad that Fred was big-hearted enough to help the boys.

Something sounds kind of fishy to me.

[Wilma] I'll go see if Fred's home yet, Betty.

Wait, Wilma, Barney and I will go over with you.

I just can't stay mad at Fred.

Sometimes he does such nice things.

I still think there's something fishy about it.

Well, Fred isn't home yet.

I'll make some coffee.

You two sit down and get comfortable.

Sit down? On what?

[Betty] The furniture's all gone.

Well, that does it.

I know Fred's betting again when all the furniture is gone.

I've had five years of that.

Somebody must have started Fred on that kick again.

[Barney] We'll play for a nickel, Fred, if you wanna bet.

[stuttering] Bet, bet, bet!

Okay. You're on.

Now that he's started, he might not be able to stop.

We'll lose everything. Our house, our car.

[Barney] Stop, stop, it's all my fault.

I'm to blame. I'm the one that got him started again.

I didn't know his weakness.

I'm sorry, Wilma. That's all right, Betty.

At least I know where our television set is. And I'm going to get it.

You should, Wilma.

Whoever heard of lending a TV set to a bunch of kids?

I don't know exactly where the Boys' clubhouse is.

Oh, there it is, Wilma.

Right. Boys' Club.

Boys always seem to wanna belong to boys' clubs.

Until they grow up.

Then they join men's clubs.

Hey, boys, open up. We wanna speak to you.

[Arnold] Go on, beat it. No girls allowed.

Much as I hate to admit it, we're not girls.

We're women.

[Arnold] Women? Those are the worst kind of girls.

Arnold, you open this door.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Flintstone. I didn't know it was you. I thought you were a girl.

And then you said... Never mind that.

I wanna talk to you about that TV set.

Oh, certainly. Come in, ladies.

Wilma, look.

I'm looking. It looks like my house.

[Betty] No wonder. It's all your furniture.

It makes a nice clubroom.

Yeah. It looks better here than at home.

Arnold, just how did you furnish your clubhouse?

Well, we couldn't have without Mr. Flintstone.

He's a real nice man.

[boys] Hooray for Mr. Flintstone!

We think Mr. Flintstone is tops.

Come on, Betty. I wouldn't have the heart to take it back.

No. Not after Fred let them have it all.

You know, Betty, this could work out fine.

How, Wilma?

Well, I've been after Fred for a year to get new furniture, but he's refused.

Yeah.

Men think furniture never wears out or goes out of style.

Right. But now is my chance to redo the living room. Uh-oh.

I just remembered, I haven't the down payment.

I used the money I found in Fred's bowling ball.

Fred's bowling ball?

Yeah. It was stuffed in the finger holes.

Bowling ball, hm?

You know, Wilma, Barney has a bowling ball. And if there's anything there, I'll lend it to you.

Ooh! Thanks, Betty. Well, after all, it's found money.

Come on, Wilma, step on it.

[door opens]

[both] Yabba-dabba-do!

[Wilma] If Barney says anything, tell him you found it while dusting.

Charge it! Charge it!

Hey, Fred, you can't spend the rest of your life in a trash can.

You're right, Barney.

I won't have long to live anyway when Wilma catches up with me.

Fred, I feel responsible for starting you back on that betting routine.

No, no, no, it's my fault.

Never the nonetheless, I'm gonna give you the money to pay off your bets to Arnold and get your furniture back.

I didn't know you had any dough stashed away, Barney.

That's one reason I have it, Fred. You didn't know I had it.

And the other reason is that Betty would never think of looking for it where I hid it.

You sit right there, Fred, and I'll get it.

A fellow needs a little fun money hidden.

You never know what might turn up.

A little dough stashed away in the holes of a bowling ball saves a lot of arguing.

Barney. Yes, Fred?

Does Betty do a lot of dusting?

Boy, yeah, she's always dusting.

I'll bet that dough has been dusted right out of that ball.

Fred, you're right. Betty beat me to it.

It figured.

Forget it, Barney.

But I want you to know I appreciate the offer.

Now, I may forget it sometime, but you're a real pal.

However, when you're stuck, you know the old rules about money hidden around the house.

Yeah. Finders keepers.

Well, I may as well go in and face the music about losing the furniture.

I'll go with you, Fred.

Hey, Barney, look.

I don't get it. The house has all new furniture.

Wowee! This must have cost plenty of money, Fred.

Yeah, but whose money?

[Wilma] Oh, Fred.

How do you like it, dear? Cave dweller modern.

Betty loaned me some money she found while dusting.

Finders keepers, you know, Barney.

Yeah, I know.

So help me, I'll never bet again.

There's a better way. Barney?

Yes, Fred? Here's a rag for you and one for me.

Well, what's the rag for, Fred? Dusting. What else?

We might get lucky and find some money to help pay for all this.

Right, Fred.

[both laughing]

Wilma.

Wilma.

Come on, Wilma, open this door!

Wilma!