02x18 - The Entertainer

[bunniefuu]

Don't tell me you've never married, Greta. You were the most popular girl in school.

[Greta] Oh, I guess my standards were too high.

I played hard to get and, well, I just didn't get got.

I wonder what's keeping Freddie.

[Wilma] Freddie? [laughs] Funny, that's my husband's name too.

Shall I call a cab, sir? Never mind, I'll crawl home.

[horn honking]

[theme music playing]

[whistle chirps]

[siren wailing]

[whistle chirps]

[snoring and birds chirping]

[cuckooing]

What's the use?

[gasps]

[yells]

Yeah? Well, who is it?

Morning, Fred. It's me, Barney.

It's 7:00. You better get up, Fred. You'll be late for work.

Go away. Uh-uh.

I promised Wilma I'd see you got to work on time while she's away visiting her mother.

Hey, come on, Fred. 7:00. Huh?

Then how come it's so dark?

You've got your eyes closed.

[groans] This working overtime every night is pure m*rder.

I won't live long enough to catch up on my sleep.

Hey, I'll be right back. I gotta finish breakfast.

And remember, Fred, it's your turn to drive to work.

This getting up early is for the birds.

Every morning, wash your face, brush your teeth.

Oh, boy, I'd better make an appointment with my dentist.

How's the new disposal working, Betty?

Oh, just wonderful, Barney. It's one of those new quiet-type ones.

[burps]

Excuse me.

Poor Wilma. She's so anxious for one of these modern conveniences.

That's why Fred's been working so late all these nights she's been away.

To impress his boss into a raise so he can afford these little wife savers.

[horn honking] That's Fred. Bye, dear.

Aren't you going to kiss me?

Why? You going away somewhere?

Hmph! I didn't think we'd been married that long.

Okay, Fred. Let's go, or we'll be late. Get going.

Sure. Get going.

You must be Superman, Fred.

Working far into the night, going with just a few hours' sleep and still fresh as a daisy the next morning.

[yawns]

Me? After eight hours of sleep, I'm still bushed.

Hey, wake me up when we get to my office, Fred.

[snoring]

You must have the heater on, Fred. I'm perspiring.

Me too.

There you are, Barney.

Safe and sound. You're sure a good driver, Fred.

Just don't take any unnecessary chances, that's all.

Pick you up tonight, Barney, unless...

You ain't working overtime again tonight, Fred?

Yeah, if the boss wants it.

You know something, Barney? I think Mr. Slate is starting to notice me.

Really, Fred?

Eh, Little Freddie's no nut.

When I work overtime, I work out loud.

Adiós, amigo.

Be reasonable, Bertha. This is the buyer for our largest account.

You know we've got to entertain our buyers when they're in town.

Show them the hotspots and stuff like that.

I can't cancel now and take a chance on losing millions in orders just because of a theater party for one of your nutty charity clubs.

This is not nutty, Howard.

It's to raise money for a worthy cause.

You call that worthy?

To provide sneakers for poor rickshaw boys?

That's my Tuesday club.

This theater party is to raise funds to discover a cure for pancratorus.

What's pancratorus?

We don't know, but it was the only disease available.

All the others are already taken.

This city is overrun with charity organizations.

[sighs]

Come on, Fifi. Mommy's late for her beauty salon appointment.

But what will I do about the buyer?

Well, perhaps you can get someone else to take your buyer out to the hotspots tonight.

We are going to attend Romeo and Juliet.

I haven't seen either one of those plays.

Get somebody else?

Where can I find somebody on such short notice?

Say, that could be my pigeon.

[phone ringing]

Hello, Flintstone here.

You wanna see me, Mr. Slate, in your office?

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Right away, sir. At once, sir.

Oh, boy.

Must be a raise the boss wants to see me about. Maybe a bonus.

I better buy something with it before Wilma comes home and gets her hands on the gold.

She'll probably stick it in the bank and waste it.

[knocking on door]

Come in, faithful employee. [door opens]

Ah, Flintstone, come in, come in. Sit down. Make yourself comfortable.

Do you smoke cigars? Yes, sir.

Good, let me have one of yours. I'm fresh out.

Here you are, sir.

Light, sir? Allow me, sir.

Flintstone, I have a problem.

My wife... I understand, sir.

Don't interrupt. I haven't finished yet. Sorry, sir.

It seems that Mrs. Slate has committed us to a charity affair tonight not realizing that I have promised to entertain a buyer.

A very important buyer.

Too bad, sir. Anything I can do?

Yes. You can take my place.

Yes, sir. A pleasure, sir. What time shall I pick your wife up?

Not my wife. The buyer.

Me, sir? Take out a buyer like a big-time salesman?

With an expense account and the padding and all?

Do me this little favor, Freddie-boy, and perhaps the next time there's an opening on the sales force...

Gosh. An inside job with a water cooler to hang around.

You've got the touch, Flintstone. A born leader of men.

Ah. Then it's all settled.

I've made reservations for two at the new nightclub, the Copa Cave.

Might as well go home now and get shaved and stuff.

Oh, uh, here's the buyer's address. Pick her up at 8.

On the dot, H.B., old boy.

[scat singing]

Her?

He's a she.

Oh, no.

I'm glad you understand, Miss Gravel.

Yes, Fred will be picking you up at 8.

Uh, what's Flintstone like?

Well, he's got a great sense of humor.

What? What does he look like?

Uh, great sense of humor, that boy.

Intelligence? He's the funniest. [laughs]

Yes. Yes, goodbye.

[Fred] Mr. Slate, about that buyer... It's all set. She can't wait to meet you.

Well, she'll have to. I'm a married man.

This is business. I just realized it.

I mean, that the buyer is a female woman.

Well, I can't call it off now. Might lose the whole account.

It'll slow things down.

I guess you'll have to ask your wife to join.

I'll change the club reservation to three.

My wife's out of town, visiting her mother.

Well, then there's no problem. Your wife will understand.

Not my wife. I can't do that. I love my wife.

I love mine, too, I keep telling myself.

Sorry, Mr. Slate.

I guess I'm just doomed to be a plain old dino operator.

If you take out this buyer, it can be the beginning of things for you.

You mean the end, if I know my wife.

For her, it could be a whole new world. The wife of a junior executive.

Junior executive.

Yeah, just what Wilma always wanted. To be proud of me.

That she'll be.

Eventually, you could be made vice president.

And after a while, who knows? Maybe a partner.

Gosh, Wilma would be the happiest woman in the world.

What do you say, Freddie? Do you take Miss Gravel out?

How's about a light, partner?

Coming up.

[scat singing]

Seven-thirty. Just in time to get dressed and pick up Miss Gravel, the buyer.

How I hope Wilma will forgive me.

After all, I'm doing it for her.

[sneezes]

Those soap bubbles get in my nose.

Oh, I'm so proud of you, Barney. Another $2 raise.

The second in 10 years. Guess the boss has been noticing my work.

This calls for a celebration.

Uh, yeah, I'll go out and get a pizza.

I mean a real celebration.

And ask Fred to join us.

Hey, that's a good idea.

He's been working real hard since Wilma's been away.

He could use a little relaxation. Let's see if he's in.

[scat singing]

[Betty] Fred. Oh, Fred.

Hey. Hello, Betty, Barney.

Me and Betty are celebrating tonight, Fred. We'd like you to join us.

[Fred] Oh, uh...

That's delightful of you, but... But I... You're not working again?

Working? Yeah, yeah. That Mr. Slate, he always finds things for me to do.

[Betty] Working? Isn't that your new tie?

Uh... yeah. Boss' orders. He's on a neat kick lately.

Heh-heh. [sniffing]

Hey, uh, smells like bath salts or something.

[sniffing]

Wilma's.

Uh, yeah, they happened to fall into the tub by accident.

From the bedroom? That's where Wilma keeps her bath salts.

Sure strange. Something like that will happen once in a million years.

Yep. There's always a first time for everything.

Well, thanks anyway for thinking of me, folks, but I got to hurry now.

Fred Flintstone, if I didn't know you better, I'd say you had a date with another woman.

[laughing]

Old Fred. A date with another woman.

Ridiculous.

[giggling] Yeah. Old Fred. Ridiculous.

[laughing]

Yeah, that's the craziest thing I ever heard.

[laughing, then groaning]

"Old Fred," huh?

[tires screech]

Wilma, what happened to you?

[Wilma] Oh, hello, Betty, Barney.

Home so soon?

You were supposed to stay at your mother's another week.

Anything wrong? No, everything's fine.

I just felt guilty about leaving Fred alone so long.

I sure missed my boy.

[Barney] By a couple of seconds. He just left for work.

Work? At night?

[Wilma] And every night since you left.

He's trying to impress his boss so he'll get a raise.

Like Barney just did.

Well, congratulations, Barney.

Say, uh, me and Betty are going out to celebrate tonight, Wilma.

How's about you joining us?

We've been saving ourselves for one big yahoo, and tonight's the night.

We're going to that snazzy nightclub, the Copa Cave.

Oh, I'd love to, kids, but, well, I'd like to be home when Fred gets back from work.

Oh, come on, Wilma. Fred will be hours yet.

Yeah, he never gets back till early in the morning.

We hear him when he gets in.

No tippy-tippy-toe, that Fred.

What do you say, Wilma? Join us. We'll be home early.

Well, since Fred will be at work so late, and I've heard so much about Copa Cave.

And Fred wouldn't mind, I'm sure.

Goody good-good. We'll pick you up in half an hour. It'll be fun.

Betty's teaching me to dance.

One and two and dip, turn. One and two and dip, cha-cha-cha.

Would you care to order now, please, perhaps?

I'd like to start off with champagne.

[waiter] Champagne for two.

And, uh what kind, please? Uh...

The most expensive.

The most expensive?

I'm a very important client.

And imported. Make sure it's imported.

Oui, monsieur.

Because I don't know the difference. [laughing]

[Miss Gravel laughing]

Oh, I can't remember when I've had such a wonderful time.

Mr. Slate was right. You do have a terrific sense of humor.

[Fred laughs]

Yep. "Freddie the Joke cr*cker," they call me, Miss Gravel.

You call me Greta.

Sure, Greta, and you call me... I will. Every time I get into town.

[stammering] Oh, but I'm... Booked up far in advance, naturally.

I'll just have to take my chances that you'll be free.

[rumba music playing]

Uh, shall we dance?

Sure, sure, Greta. My pleasure.

Right this way. Here we are.

And before dinner, would you care for something to drink?

Champagne, perhaps?

[Betty] Champagne?

Uh, no, thanks. Nothing. [Wilma] Nothing for me.

[Barney] Me, neither. Nothing.

Three nothings? Sheesh!

Isn't this just thrilling?

Oh, I wish Fred were here with us.

Too bad he has to be working.

Uh, Wilma, you mind if Barney and I dance? This music is just, like, wow.

Go right ahead.

One and two. One and two.

[scat singing]

Oh, you sure dance up a storm, Freddie. And you say you've never taken a lesson?

Well, I guess I was just born with talented feet.

Oh, our champagne's arrived. Let's drink it while it's still cold.

Great idea.

How am I doing, honey?

Not bad, but this is a rumba. Waltz faster.

Uh, maybe we better get back to the table.

I'm not doing so good, huh? Oh, it's not that.

I just don't like leaving Wilma there all alone.

[Barney] Oh, sure, sure.

I'm going to call home just in case Fred got back early.

Wowee-wow-wow-wow! Look at these prices.

Hey, if Fred's home, ask him to join us and bring some money.

I didn't expect these prices.

That dancing certainly made me hungry. I think I'll order now.

I'm gonna have chopped pterodactyl livers and mastodon chow mein.

Well, let's see.

Holy mackerel! What's that?

I wondered whether they have any holy mackerel on the menu. My favorite fish.

Greta. Greta Gravel.

Wilma. Wilma Pebbles.

Not anymore. I'm married now.

Lucky you.

Gee, Wilma, I haven't seen you since high school.

Oh, this is...

Well, I guess my escort just stepped out.

Wonderful fellow, Wilma. You should meet him.

Kind, attentive, great dancer.

Just the kind of guy a woman can marry if she's lucky.

[Wilma] I'm already lucky. That's the kind of guy I married.

Kind, faithful as a puppy dog.

I was just about to call him. He's been working hard overtime.

My date will be back in a moment, Wilma. Sit down and chat a while.

Don't tell me you've never married, Greta. You were the most popular girl in school.

[Greta] Oh, I guess my standards were too high.

I played hard to get, and, well, I just didn't get got.

I wonder what's keeping Freddie.

Freddie? Oh, funny, that's my husband's name too.

While you're waiting for your date why don't you visit my friends, the Rubbles?

I want you to meet them. [Greta] I'd love to.

[Barney] I wonder where the waiter is. I'm getting hungry.

[Wilma] Mr. and Mrs. Rubble, this is Greta Gravel.

Uh-oh.

[Betty] Pleased to meet you. [Barney] Likewise, I'm sure.

Won't you sit down and join us?

Oh, thanks, but my date should be right back.

Oh, come on, just till he returns.

Well, all right.

[Betty] Perhaps when your boyfriend gets back, Miss Gravel, you can both join us for a drink.

[Greta] Oh, no, you join us. My escort has an unrestricted expense account.

Shall I call a cab, sir?

Never mind. I'll crawl home.

[groans]

Wilma would never believe the truth.

I can't blame her. [panting]

I... I have a hard time believing it myself.

Sorry for the crowding.

These sport models are m*rder with extra passengers.

I don't mind, and it's awfully kind of you to drive me to my hotel.

It's not out of our way.

And say, Greta, we have to pass my place. How about stopping off for a while?

Maybe Fred's back from work. I'd love for you to meet him.

[mumbling]

Poor darling. Fast asleep like a baby.

Wilma. I thought you were at your mother's.

I didn't wanna stay away any longer. Thought you might be lonesome.

I was.

Poor darling. You must have worked tonight till exhaustion.

Worked? Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm... I'm bushed.

Too tired to even change into pajamas, huh?

Uh, heh-heh-heh, yeah, yeah.

Well, since you're dressed, I'd like you to meet someone.

Sure, sure.

It's an old school chum of mine. Her name is Miss Gravel.

Oh, no.

What's wrong, Fred? You look sick.

[stammering] It's the mumps.

I don't see any lumps.

It's a new kind. Reversible. They break out on the inside.

Better send everybody away. It's terrible contagious.

Anything wrong, Wilma?

It's Fred. He's got reversible mumps.

Reversible mumps?

I never heard of that, and I studied nursing at one time.

It must be something, though.

Fred's pale as a ghost and shaking like a leaf.

[Betty] Maybe we better call a doctor.

Well, in the interim, maybe there's something I can do.

[knocking on door]

That you, Wilma?

[Greta] No, a friend of your wife's.

Maybe I can ease your suffering.

No. Go away.

[in high-pitched voice] I mean, go away!

Here I come, ready or not.

Now don't be afraid. I won't hurt you.

Go away. I'll be all right if you just go away!

This might lead to serious complications.

[Fred] You ain't kidding.

What's his trouble?

So far, just understandable bashfulness.

[whispering] I've got an idea how to force him to let me check him.

[in normal voice] Maybe we'd all better just leave him rest for a little while.

[Fred] Yeah, yeah, that's what I need. Aloneness.

Wow, that was close.

[Greta] You!

Oh, no, you don't.

Ducking out on me at the Copa Cave and leaving me stuck with the check.

The cat's out of the bag.

And little hard-working, overtime Freddie is holding it.

Look, honey, I can explain.

I'm waiting. Start lying.

Fred Flintstone stepping out on his own wife. I wouldn't have believed it.

I guess that's what you were up to, gallivanting around while your wife was visiting a sick mother.

I'm the one that's sick now.

My own husband. [sobbing]

How could you, Fred? How could you?

Don't, Wilma. Don't do it. Give me a chance.

[Wilma] I gave you a chance. Two weeks of it.

And you certainly took advantage of my absence.

Wilma, believe me, you're making a big mistake.

The biggest.

I'm not blaming you, Greta. You didn't know. To you, this was just another date.

Exactly.

Wilma Flintstone, you should be ashamed of yourself.

[gasps] I should be ashamed of myself?

[Betty] Well, that's ridiculous. Why her?

Yeah, I'm the one that ain't worth wiping her feet on.

That's right. Don't be such a helper.

Now listen to me, Mrs. Wife, and you, too, Betty.

You both should be grateful that you have husbands.

What do you know about it? You're single.

Exactly. Because I didn't think any man was good enough.

But you women, who have hard-working husbands, you don't know how lucky you are.

Yeah, guys like us don't grow on trees.

Fred here did no wrong.

He took out an old... Well, not too old gal like me to please his boss, so he could get a raise and pay for all these luxuries so your life could be a little easier.

To please his boss?

Oh, Fred, I'm sorry. I never really realized.

We husbands, we're just took for granted.

Sometimes I wonder whether it's all worth it.

Think it over, girls, before you jump to conclusions.

Good night, Wilma.

Good night, Greta.

[door opens, then closes]

I'm sorry, Fred. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions.

I really appreciate you.

So do I, Barney.

Tell us. Tell us.

We appreciate... We appreciate...

Not with words.

Tomorrow is Sunday.

So starting tomorrow morning, what we overworked, unappreciated husbands insist on is...

[scat singing]

Wilma? Yes, Fred?

Get Barney on the phone, wife.

Yes, Fred darling.

[phone ringing]

The phone, wife.

At once, husband-san.

Hello? This residence Barney Rubble, lord and master.

[giggling]

For you, lord and master.

Hello, Barney? Fred.

Say, uh, I see by the papers that there's a ball game tonight.

Wanna go? Okay.

Put this down in my memo, Wilma.

Ball game tonight.

Fights tomorrow night. Bowling next night.

Yes, Fred.

May Betty and I come along on bowling night?

Naturally. Who do you think is gonna set up the pins?

[both laughing]

Oh, Fred. You're so good to me.

[theme music playing]

[yawns]

Wilma!

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma, open the door!

Wilma!