03x25 - Ventriloquist Barney

[bunniefuu]

Announcer [over TV] There's a baby in the ring.

A baby?

Yes. And somebody better get her out of there before she gets hurt.

[Betty] Girls, there's a baby at the wrestling match.

A baby? At a wrestling match?

That poor kid must have some parents.

Hey, she's cute.

Looks like Pebbles.

[babbling]

[Wilma gasps] It is Pebbles.

[squawking]

Yabba-dabba-doo!

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones ♪

♪ They're the modern Stone age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock ♪

♪ They're a page right out of history ♪

[horn honks]

♪ Let's ride with the family down the street ♪

♪ Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones ♪

♪ Have a yabba-dabba-doo time A dabba-doo time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪

"Ventriloquism Made Easy. Lesson number 12.

So remember, do not strain unnecessarily.

An easy, natural pressure on larynx and palate is essential to effective ventriloquism."

There's nothing to it.

I'll try it out on that statue over there.

[clears throat] Hello there.

How are you today?

[Barney in high-pitched voice] Fine, thank you. Is that you, Barney Rubble?

[in normal voice] Yep, it's me.

I'm throwing my voice.

Ventriloquism, you know? Is that so?

Say, you're pretty good.

I gotta try this out on Betty.

[humming]

[bird humming]

What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a humming bird?

I'll sneak up on Betty and throw my voice at her.

Gee, I wonder if there's any candy left in the box.

[Barney in high-pitched voice] Close the box.

Huh?

I said, close the box.

Oh, yes, sir.

It talked.

My imagination must be playing tricks on me. I wonder if I'm feeling all right.

[Barney in deep voice] It's all right. Oh!

[Betty] Barney, did you hear that?

The box talked.

[in normal voice] Oh, you mean like this?

[Barney in high-pitched voice] Close the box.

[in normal voice] All right.

[Barney in deep voice] It's all right. There. You see?

[Barney laughs in normal voice] Barney Rubble, what's going on?

Oh, yeah, it's ventriloquism, Betty.

I've been studying this book on how to throw my voice.

Oh, boy.

I sure had you fooled, all right.

[Barney in high-pitched voice] Me too.

Oh, Barney.

Haven't you anything better to do than go around scaring people out of their wits?

[in normal voice] Oh, I'm sorry, honey. Forgive me.

Well...

[in deep voice] It's all right.

That's a good little girl, Pebbles.

You finished all your cereal.

Now Mommy's gonna put you in your playpen.

Hi, Wilma.

[Wilma] Oh, hello, Barney. Come in.

And how's little sweetie pie today?

You got a kiss for Uncle Barney?

[Pebbles babbling]

Hey, how long before she'll be able to talk, Wilma? I mean, real sentences.

Oh, not for a while yet, Barney. Maybe a year.

Oh? Well, I was 3 years old before I started to talk.

Really? You were late.

Yeah. My mother thought I'd never talk.

Then six months later, she thought I'd never shut up.

Oh, Barney.

Hey, is Fred around?

He went to the store for some ice cream. He should be back any minute.

Well, I wanna show him how I can throw my voice.

Throw your voice?

Yeah, yeah, watch.

[Barney in disguised voice] Pebbles, I'm lonesome sitting here by myself.

Why don't you play with me?

[babbling excitedly]

Barney, that's wonderful. Where did you learn to do that?

[in normal voice] Oh, I studied a book on ventriloquism.

It's easy. You could do it, Wilma. I'm not so sure.

Come to think of it, you don't see many women ventriloquists around. I wonder why.

Well, maybe, it's because, to be a ventriloquist, you can't move your lips.

And how many women are there that'll keep their mouths shut? [laughs]

You have a point there.

[tires screeching]

Oh, Fred's home, Barney.

Listen, Wilma, let's try my ventriloquism on him.

Okay, Barney. Good idea.

Honey, I couldn't get cactusberry ice cream, so I got ripple rocky road sherbet.

That's fine, Fred.

[Fred] Oh, hi, Barney. Hello, Fred.

And how's my precious?

You been a good girl while Daddy was away?

[Barney in baby voice] Hey there, Daddy-o, your whiskers tickle.

Yeah.

I've been so busy I haven't had a chance to... What?

Wilma, she talked.

Pebbles talked!

[Wilma] What was that, Fred?

Pebbles can talk.

She said... She... [sighs]

[Wilma] Fred.

Barney, he fainted.

[in normal voice] Yeah. Looks like we fooled him, all right.

[Wilma] Fred?

[Fred] What happened?

[Wilma] You fainted.

[Fred] I did?

Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember now.

Pebbles talked, Wilma. She spoke to me.

That was me, Fred.

What do you mean it was you? Don't you think I'd know my own daughter's voice?

I heard her, didn't you, Wilma? [Wilma] Fred.

[Fred shushing] I think she's gonna talk again.

Pebbles, sweetheart, you got something else to say to Daddy?

Dada fop.

Did you hear that? She said, "Daddy flop."

Imagine talking at her age. Wilma, we got a genius in the family.

At this rate, in no time at all, she'll be leaving for college.

Really? Then I'd better start dinner.

I don't like saying goodbye on an empty stomach.

Hey, Fred, you didn't really hear Pebbles talk. You see...

I know what I heard.

My baby talked, and if you'll shut up, she'll talk again.

I don't know about that, Fred.

Well, I do. You keep quiet and let her do the talking.

Okay, Fred, if that's the way you want it, that's just what I'll do.

Good. Come on now, princess, say something.

Make a sentence like you did before.

Remember? You said Daddy needs a shave.

[Barney in baby voice] Yeah, and you could use a haircut too.

Barney, did you hear that?

I told you she could talk.

Wilma! Yes?

She talked, Wilma. She said I could use a haircut too.

[Wilma] That's nice. Come on, dinner's ready.

Oh, it's all right, Pebbles.

Mommy just don't appreciate genius, but Daddy does.

[Barney] Daddy, will you do something for me?

Of course, sugar. Anything.

What do you want me to do?

[Barney] Stand on your head.

Stand on my head? [chuckles]

Pebbles, honey, I'm a little too old for that sort of thing.

[Barney] Please, Daddy, stand on your head or I'll cry.

[Fred] Oh, no, no, no, Pebbles, don't cry.

Daddy will stand on his head.

How's this, Pebbles?

[Barney] That's good, Daddy.

Now spin around like a top.

Spin around?

No, no.

[Barney] If you don't, I'll cry, Daddy.

[Fred] No. Okay, baby.

How's this?

[Barney] Faster, Daddy.

Faster, Daddy.

Oh, that's good, Daddy-o.

Hey, look at your daddy go, Pebbles.

[yawns]

[Barney in normal voice] He may strike oil any minute.

[crashing]

Boy.

What a workout.

You're lucky, Fred. She could've asked you to do some backflips.

Quiet. Don't give her any ideas.

Pebbles, darling, Daddy's tired now, so...

[Barney in baby voice] Daddy, do some backflips.

Pebbles, sweetheart...

[Barney] Daddy, you said you'd do anything.

Yeah. Yeah. That's right, Pebbles.

So you want me to do some backflips, huh, even if you're asleep?

Yes, Daddy, or I'll cry.

[Fred] Well, you ain't the only one who's gonna cry, Pebbles.

Barney's going to cry, too, when I break every bone in his body.

Throw your voice at me, will you?

[in normal voice] Now, don't get sore, Fred. It was just a little joke.

Oh, soar. I just wanna congratulate you on being such a good ventriloquist.

I just wanna shake your throat.

That's a good girl, Pebbles.

Drink all your milk just like Daddy drinks his cactus cola.

[Dino whining]

[Fred] Uh-uh. Dino, don't get any ideas. No cactus cola for you.

Now, Fred, you're sure you don't want me to call a babysitter?

Honey, no. I can take care of Pebbles.

So you just go and enjoy your bridge game and stop worrying.

[Wilma] Well, all right.

Bye, Fred. I won't be too late.

Okay. Have fun.

Drive carefully.

[Fred slurping loudly]

[drinking milk loudly]

All right, young lady, how are we doing with your milk?

You're finished.

Good girl.

Now Daddy will bubble you and you'll be ready to go beddy-bye.

Come on. Come on, sweetheart, you have to bubble, you know?

[Dino burps loudly]

Good girl. Okay, Pebbles, time for beddy-bye.

[Barney] Yoo-hoo! Who's that?

It's me, Fred, Barney.

Beat it, Barney.

Scram, vamoose, and get that silly flag out of here.

Oh, now hold it, Fred. This is a flag of truce.

There's no flag of truce big enough to make me forget what you did to me with that ventriloquism. Now beat it.

Okay, Fred, if my flag of truce won't melt that heart of stone, how about these?

Tickets to the wrestling match tonight.

Oh, yeah.

Bronto Crushrock meets The Masked Mauler for the championship.

Oh, boy, I'd sure like to go.

But I can't. I'm taking care of Pebbles.

Well, get a babysitter.

I can't. I told Wilma I... I...

Yeah. Why not?

Wilma wanted to call a babysitter in the first place.

Come on, Barney. I'll put Pebbles in the crib, and then I'll call Mrs. Willrock, our babysitter.

♪ Rock-a-bye, baby ♪

[humming]

[ringing]

Hello?

[Fred] Mrs. Willrock, it is Mr. Flintstone. Can you babysit tonight?

This isn't Mrs. Willrock. This is her daughter Linda. Mother's busy tonight.

Oh, that's terrible.

I mean, I need her bad. It's an emergency.

Oh, I'd be happy to sit for you, Mr. Flintstone.

I fill in for Mother lots of times.

Yeah, but you sound kind of young.

Oh, but I'm not young at all.

I'm 16 and very good with children. Really, I am.

Okay.

You know the address?

Yeah. Yeah, just around the corner.

Fine. Thanks.

We're all set, Barney.

Great, Fred.

One babysitter coming, two wrestling fans going.

[doorbell rings]

Yeah, that's Linda. Come in, Linda.

Hello, Mr. Flintstone. I brought my homework.

I've got some important examinations at school tomorrow.

Fine, Linda. Pebbles won't give you any trouble.

She'll sleep right through. You can study.

And help yourself for anything you want in the icebox.

Thank you, Mr. Flintstone. Everything will be all right.

And in case you're lonesome, Dino here will keep you company.

[Dino burps]

[Fred] Come on, Barney, the arena awaits. [Barney] I'm with you, Fred.

[Fred] So long, Linda.

Goodbye, Mr. Flintstone. Have a nice time.

Jerry, this is Linda.

Where's Peg and Frankie?

Did he get his record player fixed?

It's a good thing the arena's so close. We don't need the car.

Yeah. Boy, this ought to be some match, Fred.

That Bronto Crushrock is a terror.

Hey, did you ever see him when he gets real mad?

No. Oh, his face gets red.

His eyes bulge out.

His nose turns purple.

Oh, gee. I wish I could describe how horrible he looks.

You're doing fine.

Fred, I forgot the tickets. I left them on your TV set.

You left the tickets on the T...?

Now, you stupid! [grunting]

Of all the dumb... Fred, that's it.

That's what?

That's how Bronto Crushrock looks when he gets real mad.

Oh, boy.

Let's go back and get the tickets, but we'll have to hurry.

[upbeat dance music playing]

Hey, Linda, you sure are a swell dancer.

Well, I ought to be.

I've been babysitting since I was 12.

Barney, what's going on in there?

I think somebody's playing musical earthquake.

Hey, you. Who, me?

[Fred] Out, out, out!

Yes, sir.

[Fred] Everybody scram.

Beat it.

Watch it, buster. I'm a precision instrument.

[humming]

[Fred] Dino, cut that out!

[Linda] I'm sorry, Mr. Flintstone.

I didn't mean any harm.

That's all right, Linda. Good night.

Good night, sir.

The baby.

We forgot to look in on Pebbles.

I'll bet all the noise has scared her.

[Pebbles humming]

Pebbles, sweetheart, what are you doing, dancing?

You should be asleep.

Come on now, sweetie, in you go.

Hit the sack.

Nighty-night, honey.

Well, the wrestling match is out for me, Barney. I guess you'll have to go alone.

Oh, gee, it's no fun going alone.

I know, but I can't go.

It's too late to get another babysitter even if I wanted to.

Hey, Fred, why not take Pebbles along?

Take her along?

[Pebbles gurgling excitedly]

Hey, look, she wants to go.

Barney, I can't take a little girl to a wrestling match.

[Barney] Oh, no, I suppose not.

But if it was a boy, you would, huh?

[Fred] Well, yeah.

Yeah, if Pebbles was a boy, I'd take her in a minute.

In other words, what you are doing is discriminating against your own daughter because she's a girl.

You are right, Barney. I'm blaming Pebbles for something that ain't her fault.

That's very bad child psychology, Fred. She could grow up resenting you.

Yeah, I can't have her hating me the rest of her life, Barney.

I have got to take her.

Come on, sweetheart, Daddy's taking you bye-bye.

[Pebbles babbling]

Fred, this is a big step in father-daughter relationship.

Yeah, but I wanna get back before Wilma.

She might not understand that I'm just doing this so Pebbles will grow up to be a healthy, normal girl.

Oh, boy.

We got here just in time, Fred. The main bout hasn't started yet.

Yeah. Just as well we missed the preliminaries. They weren't any good, anyway.

How do you know, Fred? Look at the ring. No blood.

[Pebbles babbling] [bell rings]

Ladies and gentlemen, before we bring you the main event, we have here tonight a wrestling celebrity.

Introducing the king of the midget wrestlers, Shorty Shortstone.

[crowd cheering]

Sit down, Pebbles, and watch the action.

[Pebbles babbling]

Oh, the idea of bringing a baby here.

[Barney in baby voice] Where did you ever get that baby stuff?

I'm Powerful Pebbles, queen of the midget wrestlers.

That's telling her, Barney.

[bell dings]

Ladies and gentlemen, our feature bout for the championship of the world.

The defending champion, Bronto Crushrock.

[crowd cheering]

And the challenger, the darling of the rock-pile set, The Masked Mauler.

Well, here we go, Fred.

Watch this, Pebbles. This is what you wanted to see.

[dings]

What did you expect, Westminster chimes?

[both grunting]

[man] Come on. Come on, mix it up! [crowd booing]

Yeah, this is no time to take dancing lessons.

Referee breaks them up and the action has started.

They're going at it like a couple of saber-toothed tigers.

The Mauler has Crushrock in a spin.

Around and around he goes, and where he stops, everybody knows.

[Pebbles babbling]

Hello, little girl.

Say, you're a pretty one.

Hey, Leslie, hold it a minute.

Look who's here.

Hi there, cutie-pie.

Hey, what's your name?

Her name's Pebbles.

Come on, sweetheart.

Pebbles. Say, that's a lovely name.

And you come to Granite's Department Store around Christmas, honey.

I'm the Santa Claus there.

Gee, that Masked Mauler's a real sweet guy, huh, Fred?

Yeah, he sure is.

And Bronto seems like an aw... A nice fella too.

All right, you guys, how about a little action?

Yeah, do your sleeping at home. Boo.

[crowd booing]

The crowd is getting impatient. They want action.

Crushrock is getting mad. He unwinds and sends The Mauler sprawling.

[crashing]

Oh. The referee got in the way of that one. He's out cold.

That makes two down and one to go.

Bronto Crushrock is now making his move.

He wants to win this fall.

[crowd] Hooray! Come on, Bronto, pin him down!

You've got him where you want him, Bronto!

[announcer] The Mauler has recovered. Both men are determined.

They're going to lock horns. This is going to be a real battle.

[crashing]

Wow. Now they're both down. In fact, all three are down.

It's going to be tough to decide the winner.

Not bad, Betty. I think we can make a grand slam.

As long as you're dummy, Betty, turn on the television set, will you?

There's a fashion show on.

A fashion show?

Oh, sure thing.

[announcer] They're still out. And looks like the match is over.

The crowd is getting unruly. We should have a decision in a moment.

Betty, that's not the fashion show. That's a wrestling match.

Turn it to the next channel.

Hmm? Oh, yeah, sure. I guess I got carried away.

[announcer] There's a baby in the ring.

A baby?

Yes. And somebody better get her out of there before she gets hurt.

[Betty] Girls, there's a baby at the wrestling match.

A baby? At a wrestling match?

That poor kid must have some parents.

Hey, she's cute.

Looks like Pebbles.

[babbling]

[Wilma gasps] It is. It is Pebbles.

Oh, but it can't be, Wilma. Pebbles is home with Fred.

[announcer] And there goes somebody after the baby. Probably the father.

Pebbles, come here. The ring is no place for a baby.

Excuse me, girls. I've got a baby to rescue and a husband to pulverize.

[Betty] Wait for me, Wilma.

I don't know about you, viewers, but as far as I'm concerned, the baby is the new champion.

[Pebbles babbling]

Come to Daddy, Pebbles. The fights are over anyway. Time to go home.

[continues babbling]

Three cheers for Pebbles, the new champ.

[crowd] Rah, rah, rah! Pebbles, Pebbles, Pebbles!

Hooray!

See that, Pebbles? They like you.

Ooh! Wait till I get my hands on that man.

Oh, can you imagine taking a baby to a wrestling match?

[Wilma] It looks pretty deserted. I'd better go in and check.

The wrestling match is over and everybody has gone.

Quick, let's go home.

Well, home again, precious. And now Daddy will get you to beddy-bye.

It's a good thing you got home before Wilma, huh, Fred?

What do you mean it's a good thing? Are you suggesting I'm afraid to have Wilma know I took Pebbles to the wrestling match?

Well... Listen, Barney, I am boss in my family.

I do what I want when I want.

Oh, sure, Fred.

[Barney imitating Wilma] Fred, where have you been?

[stammering] Well, Wilma, you see, I...

[Barney chuckling]

Barney, I'm gonna wallop you so hard.

[tires screeching] Ooh.

It is Wilma. Quick, quick, Operation Hide.

See you later, Fred.

Go to sleep, Pebbles, quick.

[snoring] [door opens]

[Wilma] Fred?

He's fast asleep, Wilma. Hmm.

[snoring softly]

[giggling]

She's all right.

Thank goodness. Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Wilma.

Good night, Betty.

Hmm.

[snoring]

[door bangs shut] Huh? Huh? Oh, oh, oh!

Home already, Wilma?

Did you have a good time?

That's just what I was going to ask you. Huh?

How was your evening, Fred?

Did Pebbles give you any trouble?

No. Not a bit, Wilma.

It was just as if she wasn't here. Mm.

And nothing unusual happened?

You didn't leave the house for any reason, did you?

Leave the house?

Now, why should I do that?

I mean...

I mean... Yes?

I mean, I can't lie to you, Wilma.

I took Pebbles to the wrestling match.

[Barney in baby voice] Attaboy, Daddy. I knew you wouldn't lie to Mommy.

Pebbles, what are you doing out of bed?

Fred, I'm glad you told the truth because I saw you at the wrestling match on television.

You did?

And you're not mad?

Of course I'm mad.

But as long as nothing happened to Pebbles, I guess I can forgive you.

Ah...

Gee, Wilma, you are one in a million.

Say, did you see what a hit Pebbles made in the arena?

They called her the new champ, huh, Pebbles?

Ow! [groans] She's got a headlock on me.

She's a champ, all right.

Why shouldn't I be a champ? I come from championship stock, don't I?

Oh, that's cute.

[Fred] All right, Barney, come on out wherever you are.

Barney, where are you? [phone ringing]

Hey, hold Pebbles, Wilma. I'll get it.

Hello? [Barney] Fred, this is Barney.

Look, you better tell Wilma the truth about tonight.

Betty says she saw you on television.

Yeah, yeah, I know, Barney. I... I...

Barney?

Wilma. Wilma, she talked!

She... She... Yeeh.

She... She... She... [sighs]

Mama, Dada.

Go, go, boop, boop. [giggling]

♪ Flintstones, meet the Flintstones ♪

♪ They're the modern Stone Age family ♪

♪ From the town of Bedrock ♪

♪ They're a page right out of history ♪

♪ Someday, maybe Fred will win the fight ♪

♪ Then that cat will stay out for the night ♪

♪ When you're with the Flintstones ♪

♪ Have a yabba-dabba-doo time A dabba-doo time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪

♪ We'll have a gay old time ♪ Wilma!