01x14 - Wizard School (Part 2)

[bunniefuu]

Did my messenger fish
just tell you my evil plan?

No.

All right. This time, pay attention.

Dear Mama, you'll be proud to know

that after the -ball tournament
reveals the best young wizard,

I will drain...

Okay, maybe he did tell me.

She is not my mother, you stupid fish.

Hey, at least I didn't tell her
about Volcanoland.

I never said anything
about Volcanoland.

Well, you have to go to an undersea
volcano to drain a wizard's powers.

And Volcanoland is the only...

We have a problem.
You just heard my plan.

And I love your plan.

I think it'd be great for me
if Justin wins the tournament

and you drain his powers.

How so?

Because without his powers,

there's no way he'll end up being
the family wizard.

I will.

Well, of course there's Max,

but he thinks
microwave popcorn's magic, so...

Well, it looks like we're
on the same side.

Care to seal it with a diabolical laugh?

I'll try.

Needs more bass.

I thought I heard voices.

Good evening, Headmaster Crumbs.
Just here with one of my prized students.

Really?

Alex Russo
is one of your prized students?

All the other teachers say
she's remarkably slack.

And you know how we feel
about slackers.

We don't like slackers.

Perhaps they don't know Ms. Russo
as well as I do.

Well, then.

Perhaps I should stick around
and get to know you too.

Now, what are we talking about?

Just girl talk.

Bras and stuff.

Oh, well, then, I've got to go.

Forget the Waverly Sub Station.
They use day-old bread.

Beautiful people eat at The Salad Bowl.

Lots of attractive women
eat salads these days.

Look at this.
No wonder we had such a slow day.

Excuse me.

What do you think you're doing?

It's not Halloween, and you're a little
too old to be trick-or-treating anyway.

If you don't mind, why don't you
stand in front of the clown supply.

I think you'd fit in better over there.

I have to stand here
because I'm stealing your customers

with my crisp lettuce
and crunchy cucumbers.

You can't do that.

That's what the hot-dog guy
in Washington Square Park said.

Now he's holding the arrow toward
cheap furniture going out of business.

So back off, meat eaters.

Listen, you talking bowl of freak.

You are not gonna steal our customers.

Submarine sandwiches
have a long history in New York City.

And I know New Yorkers,
and New Yorkers love sandwiches.

They're not just gonna give them up
for tomatoes, carrots and...

What are those, snails?

They're porcini mushrooms.

Oh, I love porcini mushrooms.

Jerry.

- L...
- Get inside.

Okay, look, all we have to do is advertise
our shop like she advertises hers.

Where are we gonna find a goof
to wear a ridiculous costume for us?

It's time for the serve-and-volley drill.

You serve, I volley.

You cry for mercy.

I wasn't ready.

Justin, can I talk to you?

I need to practise.
I'm playing in the semifinals tomorrow.

No, you're not. Dr. Evilini is gonna drain
the champion's powers at Volcanoland.

- I can't let you win this thing.
- I'm sorry, volcano what?

Her messenger fish told me.

She wants to become
the most powerful wizard.

So there's a volcano
and a messenger fish.

We need to focus on Evilini.

I don't know if you know, but she's evil.

No. Her name's Evilini.

And how much clearer could it be?

Okay, if she was really evil,

don't you think she would've changed
her name to Really-Friendly-ini

or Nice-ini or Totally-Not-Evil-ini?

All right, we're not getting anywhere.
You need to listen to me.

This is exactly why I didn't want you
to come to Wiz Tech.

Stop bothering me.
I need to focus and concentrate.

If I could focus, I would've hit those.

There she is, working the streets.

Go get her, Max.

Max.

Hey, how'd you get it
to smell like onions?

Oh, that's you.

Jerry, it needs more ventilation holes.

That's why we went with Swiss cheese.

Now, go get those customers.

Yeah...

Maxy, are you okay?

Sorry, buddy.

Just get me up
before the three-second rule kicks in.

Get your Bronx-Strami.

Central Pork Sandwich
right here at the Sub Station.

Hey, it's working.

That's my boy.

Salads make you perky.

Sandwiches make you sleepy.

You know why people eat salad
with a roll?

Because it makes a sandwich
in their stomachs.

You have to eat sandwiches
with your hands.

Like savages.

Salads are un-American.

All right. You won this lunch rush.

But if you're here tomorrow,
you're gonna get it.

I am scared of lettuce.

It's high in vitamins and fibre.

Headmaster Crumbs, I need your help.

What seems to be the problem?

Dr. Evilini's gonna drain the -ball
champion's powers at Volcanoland.

And I think my brother
may end up champion.

You have to do something.

I can't. My hands are tied.

You don't believe me either?

No, my hands are really tied.

I lost a bet with Evilini.

Professor Maloney and I
got into a beard contest,

of which I had no business
being part of.

Don't you see? That bet was a setup.

Evilini has tied your hands
so you can't do anything about it.

You may be onto something.

But I can't confront Evilini.
She'd only deny it.

If you want to protect Justin,
it's up to you.

Get him to back out of the tournament.

I already tried, but once I mentioned
Volcanoland and the talking fish,

he thought I was messing with him.

Sounds like you need some hard evidence
to convince your brother.

I suggest you knuckle down
and go to the library.

Sure, I'll go to the library.

Oh, really?

- Is that the truth?
- Sure.

Some are evil, some are kind
But now all must speak their mind

I hate libraries. What am I saying?

There's no way I'm going to a library.
What am I saying?

I put a truth spell on you to see
if you're really on your way to help Justin

or if you're just going to slack off again.

I wanna help, but not at a boring library.

Well, then go someplace
where it isn't boring.

Like Volcanoland.

How do I get to Volcanoland?

I can't tell you that.

- Then why did you tell me to go there?
- I didn't. I would never say that.

I'm the headmaster.

I can't send a student off campus
to Volcanoland.

- What?
- You should never go to Volcanoland.

It could be dangerous.

So just to be clear,
you want me to go to Volcanoland?

I didn't say that.

But you did say Volcanoland.

I will admit to that.

Nice.

What's happening?

Justin's fallen behind.

Oh, good.
Maybe I don't have to go to Volcanoland.

The only way he can win now
is if he hits the tattler.

- The tattler?
- Yeah, it's an obscure rule.

If you hit the tattler,
it's an a*t*matic win.

But the tattler isn't even in here,
so there's no chance.

- Yeah.
- There she is.

What's she doing?

She's tattling. She's the tattler.

It's obvious.

He did it. He hit the tattler.

I won. I'm going to the finals.

Well played, Russo.

It's now down to you and Jerko.

We'll soon find out
who's the most powerful young wizard.

Oh, sorry. My cell phone.

Hello, Mummy?

Okay, I've got to get to Volcanoland.

I guess it's just you, me and destiny.

No, Destiny Johnson lost
in the third round.

No, destiny, as in it's my destiny
to be a winner

and your destiny
to always live in my shadow.

Well, I'll see you in the finals, Jerk.

How am I gonna get to Volcanoland?

I'd mail myself, but all the mail
goes through Dr. Evilini, and she's evil.

I work in the mailroom.
I could get around Evilini.

Are you saying you could mail me from
the mailroom without Evilini knowing?

I'm not saying that at all.

What is it with you people
and your head nodding?

Hey.

Excuse me. I need some information
about the volcano.

Fire away.

We're encouraged to use
volcano terminology whenever we can.

Is it true the volcano can drain wizards
of their powers?

The majority of wizards
enjoy the natural wonder of the park

and take a lot of pictures that they'll bore
their friends with when they get home.

What about the others?

They use the volcano
to drain wizards of their powers.

That's a separate entrance fee.

I have to prove this to my brother
before it's too late.

Hey, could you come back
to school with me?

What for? You got something bubbling?

See what I did there?

You're a volcano official.

My brother always believes
people in uniform.

It's one of the many things about him
that annoy me.

- Does it make you wanna erupt?
- Okay, now you're pushing it.

- Does it block your flow?
- Stop it.

- Does it make you wanna go molten?
- Don't.

- Make you hot under the collar?
- Okay, officially ignoring you.

- Alex, what are you doing? Who's she?
- Hello.

I'm the Information Desk Lady
from Volcanoland.

Go ahead, Justin. Ask her a question.

Could I get one of those?

- I like the fringe things on the shoulders.
- No.

A question about Volcanoland.
Just tell him.

At Volcanoland, more wizards
have been drained of their powers

than at all of the Wonders
of the Wizard World combined.

Wizards come from near and far

to witness its awesome
wizard-power-draining properties.

Okay, so you weren't messing with me
about Volcanoland.

But that doesn't mean Evilini's
taking me there to drain my powers.

Dr. Evilini?

Oh, she has a season pass
to the draining section.

And she paid extra
so there's no blackout dates.

I gotta quit the tournament.

While I'm here, would you like to buy
an I Lava Volcanoland T-shirt?

No, I don't wanna buy
an I Lava Volcanoland T-shirt

because I don't lava Volcanoland.

He didn't have to blow his top.

Okay, I've had enough.

You want me to go dormant?

- Stop it.
- Okay.

Try a salad right around the corner.

Hey, lettucehead. Keep moving.

I warned you
about coming back here, shorty.

I don't wanna do this,
but you've given me no choice.

It's time for the salad
to get a little meat in it.

Hey, Salad Bowl Girl.

Remember me?

Well, let me help you out.

I'm the guy in the hot-dog suit.

You thought you ran me out of the biz
with that furniture arrow.

But I'm not going anywhere.

Oh, look.
The rest of the combo meal is here.

I can't believe it.

I have always wanted to say this.

I just never imagined it being this great.

Food fight.

Fight.

Let me up. You can't do this.

- Had enough?
- Yes, I've had enough.

My lettuce was on the ground.

I'm a walking health-code violation.

- Thanks, guys.
- We got her. We got Salad Bowl Girl.

Dr. Evilini.
Alex told me about your evil plan.

- I'm not playing in the -ball final.
- Justin, Justin, Justin.

I don't have an evil plan.

Of course Alex doesn't want you to have
the -ball championship belt.

That would make you a shoo-in
to be the one in your family

to keep your wizard powers.

There's a championship belt?

Nice try, Evilini. I'm onto you.

The Volcanoland Information Desk Lady
told me.

She gave me a discount on my
Volcanoland park pass. I still hate her.

The point is, I wanna keep my powers.

So I'm done. I quit.

- I'm out of here.
- You can't quit.

I need to know
who's the most powerful young wizard.

Scrittipolitti Noquitti

Okay.

I don't know what you just did to me,
but I still qui...

I still qui...

You can't quit now.

- I put a no-quit spell on you.
- I qui...

I qui...

I wanna play. Oh, no.

What am I saying? What am I doing?

Give me my bidaddles.

I don't want them. I'm gonna win.
No, you're not.

WELCOME TO THE ANNUAL
WIZ TECH BALL TOURNAMENT

Guys, I have great news.
Justin's gonna quit the tournament.

Why would he quit?
That's not good news.

I can explain, see...

Wizards, student wizards,

visiting parents,
goblins and ghouls, Larry,

welcome to the Wiz Tech
-Ball Finals.

Our first competitor.

Well, what can I say?
His name says it all.

Jerko Phoenix.

And a newcomer to the sport
and serious thr*at,

even though he doesn't look like it.

Justin Russo.

Hi, Mom.

Oh, look. He's waving at us.

I don't wanna be here.

I love you too.

What is he doing here?
I told him not to play.

You need to be more supportive
of your brother.

I'm trying to save his powers
from getting sucked down a volcano.

We really should get her
into a creative-writing class.

- What are you doing?
- Dr. Evilini put a spell on me.

I can't qui...

First serve, Russo.

He's gotta lose. Lose, Justin, lose.

Alex.

I didn't mean to do that.

Way to go, son.

Keep your eye on the balls.

Miss it.

Can someone please stop me?

Oh, my gosh, they're up to balls.

No one's ever gotten to before.

The th ball. Get it, Justin.

We have a winner.

I can't believe it.
My brother's a champion.

Congratulations, Justin Russo.

You are the best -ball player
in the entire school.

What are you going to do now?

I'm going to Volcanoland.

You certainly are.

That's it. It's over.

I've tried everything.
I just can't b*at Evilini.

Justin's gonna lose his powers.

Who are you talking to, honey?

Not now.

Here's an idea.

I am talking to myself.

Some are evil, some are kind
But now all must speak their mind

So it's Justin.

I'll take him to the volcano
and drain his powers for myself.

Why am I saying this?

Oh, no. A truth spell.

They'll all hear my plan to become
the most powerful wizard.

Stop talking.

Security.

I knew you could do it.

You went to great lengths
to help your brother,

and you brought Evilini down.

When you apply yourself,
you can achieve a lot more than you think.

- I guess I can.
- Hey.

When you were at Volcanoland,

did you happen to buy a T-shirt
in my size?

Yeah, they're gonna mail it to you.

Some are evil, some are ki...

Okay, maybe I didn't.
But next time, okay?

Okay.

- Oh, Justin, honey, are you okay?
- Yeah.

Thanks to Alex.

I can't believe my baby almost had
his powers drained in a volcano.

We were very concerned.

You still get to keep
the championship belt, though, right?

Alex, I'm kind of glad you came
to summer school with me after all.

Thanks for stopping Evilini
from stealing my powers.

So from now on, you'll believe me?

You know what? I will.

I think we've grown up a lot
this summer.

Yeah, me too.
Oh, you got something on your shirt.

I'm not falling for it this time.

Yeah. I saw that coming.

Isn't this the strangest thing
you have ever seen?

No, it's a dream come true.

Giant things eating what they are.

Come on, who hasn't had that dream?

If a giant claw comes out of the sky
and grabs one of them,

then I've had that dream.

That's weird.