04x05 - Boooz

[bunniefuu]

Previously on felicity...

If you're going to complete
the next lab, figure this out.

You were right. This guy sucks.

If you have a problem, no
one's forcing you to stay.

The next few days are gonna
be kind of crazy because...

I'm in a beauty pageant.

I'm sorry. What was that?

All the other
scholarships were taken.

Best evening wear goes to...

Felicity porter.

I have a solution to your
tuition problem. It's a t.a. Position.

Professor may, I
just wanted to say

That although I have hardly any
experience as a teaching assistant...

Um, actually, zero experience...

Um, I'm incredibly
enthusiastic and hard-working,

And, for what it's worth,

I think I'd do a great job.

What do you think of this scarf?

I saw it at bloomingdale's
and just had to have it.

It's great.

Here. Take it.

- Oh, no.
- Go on.

I have hundreds just like it.

Thank you.

How do you think you'd
be at running critiques?

Critiques?

- Give this one a sh*t.
- Okay.

Well, first of all,

There's an obvious tenderness
that the artist has for the subject.

But?

But, uh,

I think it's a little derivative

Of the postimpressionists,

And I'd probably tell the artist

To try to find his
or her own style.

Hers.

It's yours?

It's also my litmus
test for future t.a.'S,

And you passed.

- I did?
- Congratulations.

You got the job.

Thank you.

And thank you for the scarf.

I don't understand.
Was she hitting on you?

No. She's, like, 70 years old.

So?

Maybe that's what we
could go as. Old ladies.

This party will be
full of single men.

I don't want to look
old. I want to look hot.

Hey. Where do you want
me to put this puppy?

Hey, richard. Just in
the kitchen. Thanks.

I invited all my friends to
the party tomorrow night.

All three of 'em.

I heard that.

Richard, what are
you coming dressed as?

Can't tell you.

All I can say is be prepared
to be majorly wowed.

- Hello. Anyone home?
- We're back here.

Yeah, it's completely
homemade and totally sweet.

- What is it? A pie?
- No, it's not.

- The door was wide open.
- I'm on my way out.

Pay me back for
the kegger later?

Yeah. Thank you.

- Bye.
- Bye!

Hope you two halloween
hostesses don't mind,

But I need a secret hideaway.

Why? What's going on?

I'm teaching samuel a lesson.
He takes me for granted.

We'll see how well
he does without me.

What happened? What did he do?

Well, I tried on my
costume as carmen miranda.

I had the dress, the
turban, most of the fruit,

And you know what he said to me?

What?

"Didn't you wear
that last year?"

As if anyone could forget
my costume last year.

Okay. Well, you can forget,
but not my husband. So I left.

He's not gonna make it two hours
without me. I keep his life together.

I'm sure he'll call
and apologize to you.

And if he doesn't, I'll
go and kick his butt.

You two are the best.

Come on. Group hug.

Come on, come on.
I need one, please.

Okay, all right. Okay, you're
not really hugging, though.

- So...
- Oh!

♪ Can you become

♪ Can you become

♪ A new version of you

♪ New wallpaper

♪ New shoe leather

♪ A new way home

♪ I don't remember

♪ New version of you

♪ I need a new version of me

♪ New version of you

♪ I need a new version of me ♪

- Hi. I'm ben.
- Hi, ben.

So, I made a pretty
big decision this year.

I'm premed.

Which has been kind of tough,

'Cause I've really never
been that strong a student.

I think most people
didn't think I could do it.

Maybe I didn't think
I could do it, either.

Then last week this whole
thing happened in chemistry class.

And it made me realize that,

I don't know, maybe I was wrong.

Watch movies, series & livetv
www.flixify.app

- That sucked.
- Yeah, didn't he say...

Totally.

What a d*ck.

He specifically told us not to
worry about benzene compounds.

It's like he wants us to fail.

You didn't fail.

I mean, if anything, you
just missed a few questions.

I missed more than
a few questions.

I missed a whole section.

Maybe you misunderstood him.

I didn't misunderstand him.

- I'm not a complete idiot.
- That's not what I meant.

You were in premed.

You know as well as I do that
o-chem is where they weed people out.

What can I do to help?

Nothing.

Why do we have to return these?

- They're just bath towels.
- They're not just bath towels.

You're right. They're
egyptian cotton.

You have any idea how much
uncle eliot paid for these?

Uncle eliot should have
gotten the initials right.

I am meghan rotundi,
not blumberg. "M.r."

I'm gonna choose not
to be offended by that.

Seriously, feel these.
They're so snuggly and soft.

What the hell?

Hi there.

Barb jones, trend-spotter
for teeny-bop magazine.

- Teeny what?
- My job is to spot

The next big thing before it
becomes the next big thing,

And that shirt, huge.

- Trust me.
- Really?

She actually made this shirt.

And these are actually
tube socks for sleeves.

It is great. If I could get
you to sign this release form,

We can publish those pictures.

- Thanks.
- I don't think so.

Are you serious?

Are you annoying? Let's go.

- When you say
big thing, how big?
- Sean!

Wait a second, you guys. I'm sure
professor may's gonna be here any minute.

Who are you?

Felicity porter. I'm the t.a.

Oh, we have a t.a.
Now? What for?

Um, to assist with teaching.

I've seen you before.

Well, I've gone to school
here for four years,

So it's definitely possible.

Nah, it wasn't here. It was at
the sunrise beauty pageant.

Yeah, I worked the sets.

You won miss
evening gown, right?

Um...

No, I mean, I don't...
No, that wasn't me.

Oh, excuse me.

Who's in charge in here?

Oh, miss evening
gown over there.

I'm the t.a.

Ah.

Kathy lindstrom
from administration.

- Do you think you and I could
talk outside for a moment?
- Sure.

I have bad news. I got
a call from the police.

Professor may has been
arrested for shoplifting.

Are you kidding?

They caught her
at bloomingdale's

Stuffing a hat and a
scarf into her purse.

Really?

Apparently she
has a real sickness.

I know this is last-minute,

But if you could run
her next few classes...

I don't know if that's a
good idea. I'm not qualified.

Just until I find a replacement.

The thing is, I mean,
I can already tell

That these students
aren't gonna listen to me.

Just keep them busy.

I promise. I will find you
somebody as soon as I possibly can.

Ring, you stupid thing.

What's he waiting for?
It's been like a day already.

I need a distraction.
Otherwise, I'm going to call him.

- How about a movie?
- No.

Movies remind me of samuel.

Okay, um,

How about a bar?

- I met samuel in a bar.
- Right.

Lionel richie!

In atlantic city.
That would do it.

We're not going to atlantic
city. It's a two-hour drive.

You got someplace better to be?

Yes, here. There's a
halloween party here tonight.

Look, nobody loves
halloween more than me,

But this is lionel.

And your point is?

I saw his concert in central
park my first summer in america.

And I was young...
Well, younger...

And full of hope and... It
was a party all night long.

I want to feel that way again.

Hey.

If you haven't seen lionel
live, you haven't lived.

No offense, but you
could use a trip, too.

What does that mean?

Well, I know all
about you and felicity.

Don't worry. Your
secret is safe with me.

But what are you
gonna do at this party?

Stare at felicity and benjamin
looking very thin in their costumes?

Yes. I'm fine with that.

And I'm fine staring
at this phone.

If we leave now, we
can make the late show.

I don't want to go.

Yes, you do!

Lionel richie. I'm not a fan.

Oh, you will be.
Everyone's a fan of lionel.

Oh!

How'd you do?

Me, too.

What are you doing?

Sir, can I talk to you?

Office hours are monday
and friday, 3:00 to 5:00.

Yeah, I know. It's
about the midterm.

- We think it was unfair.
- Unfair?

Yeah, there were some
questions on benzene...

That's the beauty of science.
There's a right and a wrong answer.

Fairness has
nothing to do with it.

But you specifically said...

Sir, we were hoping that
we could retake the test.

Not everyone failed. Most
of your colleagues passed.

Some even got a's.

We wouldn't be saying anything,

Except you said benzenes
would not be on the test.

You're both premed.

What will you do when a
dying patient comes to you?

Say "it wasn't on the
syllabus. Can I have a do-over?"

Look, we can't fail this class.

That's too bad. From here it looks
like you're both well on your way.

Sir, would you give us a
chance to retake the test?

This conversation's over.

- I think you're being unfair...
- Did you hear me?

This conversation is over.

Why do you have to
be such a d*ck about it?

I want you both out of this
class now. I'm failing you both.

No, we need this class.

You should have thought of that
before you opened your mouths.

My dad's gonna m*rder me.

Maybe I just won't tell him.

Your dad a doctor?

No, my dad's not a doctor.

Mine's a vascular surgeon.

Only time he talks to me is to tell
me how h.m.o.'S are ruining medicine,

Or how stupid the nurses are.

Not so stupid he won't
sleep with them, though.

He thinks I should
be a pathologist.

Stick to the autopsies.

That way I can't k*ll anybody.

Listen, man, I'm really sorry
for getting you kicked out.

What are you talking about?

You didn't do this. Hodges did.

I'm still sorry.

You wanna get another?
I'm gonna get another.

Oh, yeah.

Can we get two more, please?

Jackie, oh, do you look good!

Yeah, whatever.

What about me?

Ready?

Ari, ari, ari.

The only thing to fear,
ari, is fear itself, ari.

That's f.d.r., Not j.f.k.

- Really?
- Really.

You sure?

I talked to a friend
of my brother's

Who runs a factory
specializing in low-end textiles.

- You mean a sweatshop?
- No.

Yeah, sort of. He's
a nice guy, though.

He said he could make the
sock shirts for $3.50 apiece.

- Excuse me?
- Three dollars and fifty cents.

I'm thinking we could wholesale
those out for a tenner.

- This is like printing money.
- You're not selling my look.

- It's not your look. It's your shirt.
- It's who I am.

You heard the trend-spotter.
This could be huge.

Huge, ari. Come on.

Your dad's gonna be
asking me for money.

First of all, no, he's not.

Second of all,
you're not selling 'em.

I don't understand
what the problem is.

Then you don't understand me.

I'll see you at the party.

Jackie treated jack with a
lot more respect than that.

Okay, that was the
worst bus ride ever.

Are you gonna
complain the whole time?

No. I'm not the one calling my
voicemail every five minutes.

We're out of range. How would I
know if someone called if I don't check?

What?

Oh, no, no. This
can't be happening.

Lionel richie sold out?

I told you. The american
people love lionel.

What am I gonna do? I am
seconds from calling samuel.

I need lionel!

- You guys looking for tickets?
- Oh, yes, thank you.

Two for $400 apiece.

No, that's 800 bucks.

Oh, excuse us one second.

How much do you have?

Javier, I do not have 800 bucks.

Okay, neither do i.

We're gonna have to earn
it like everyone else does.

At the slot machines.

Everyone loses money at the
slot machines. We're not doing it.

I'm not kidding around, noel.

Lionel is my only hope.

So hold the phone. No matter
what, do not let me call samuel.

Mr. Scalper, we'll
be right back, please.

'Kay.

It was excruciating. He kept telling
the class that I was miss evening gown.

Tell them all to mind
their own business.

Tear this ship apart until
you've found those plans,

And bring me the passengers.

I want them alive!

Is this a shoe-in for
the cash prize or what?

It's me, richard.

Can you breathe in that?

I'm serious about
the cash prize.

How much you guys doling out?

Amateurs.

You look so great!

Bet she appreciates
a good costume.

- Go get her.
- Ladies.

Hey, you mind? I
gotta talk to my wife.

I am his wife. It's true.

For now.

Sell any more of my stuff yet?

Uh, I'm sorry.

I am.

I know how important
your individuality is.

I do. I just...

This whole thing with
your parents hating me,

It's throwing me off my game.

I need a hit, clearly. But it's not
gonna be your sock shirt. Okay?

I don't think the sock shirt
was the key to my dad's heart.

You know what the
key to my heart is?

What?

- Those little '60s hats.
- Oh.

- They really turn me on.
- Really?

Mm-hm.

You're getting kind of
into your role there, jack.

Oh, really?

Hey!

Hey!

- You look great.
- Thank you.

Have you guys been drinking?

Yeah, a little bit.

This is my friend, trevor.
This is my girlfriend, felicity.

Hi.

Where's the keg?

Um, it's in the kitchen.

What?

What's going on?

Oh, we got kicked out of o-chem.

- What?
- I don't want to talk about it.

Yeah, don't really
want to talk about it,

So, uh, where's the keg?

I think it's still
in the kitchen.

Right.

Let's go get lit, bro.

- See ya.
- All right.

I'll talk to you
about that later.

A kiss for you.

That's your gambling ritual?

It works. Watch.

Yeah, the idea is to
get three of a kind.

You have to put
in three, not one.

Why three? Then I lose
three times as much.

If you only put one and you hit a
jackpot, you barely win anything.

You gotta maximize your chances.

That lady knows how to play.
Five dollars a pull. Smart woman.

Do it again. You're
gonna win this time.

This is like love.

You put your heart on the
line, and it comes up snake eyes.

That's what's so
great about lionel.

For him, love is dancing on
the ceiling. There's always hope.

Okay.

All right, this
time I put in three.

- Put in three.
- One, two, three.

All this kissing reminds me
of samuel. Give me the phone.

- You're not calling him.
- I can't take it.

- Give me the phone!
- I'm not giving you the phone.

- I want to see if he called.
- Hey, come on!

Look, I got 21.

That's not 21. That's a jackpot!

Here. Hold the phone.

Oh, my god! Okay.

Hold the phone.
Don't touch my money!

"And now, your highness, we will discuss
the location of your hidden rebel base."

- So, darth...
- Call me richard.

So, richard, you must be
thirsty. Do you want a drink?

Yeah, that'd be great.

Um, can you hold on a minute?

Yeah, sure.

Yo!

It's stuck!

What?

My mask! I can't get it off!

It's stuck?

That's what I said.

- Cheers, gentlemen.
- Whoo!

Come on, come on, come on.

Yeah!

No tequila sh*ts?

No.

No.

You wanna talk about it?

I don't know.

Just felt like I
was ten years old.

Like I knew I was right,
but it just didn't matter.

He just would not
admit he was wrong.

Reminded me of the same old
crap my father used to pull.

Ow! Ow! Take it easy!

How did you get this thing on?

I got a chick out
there who's hot for me.

She's practically a sure thing.

But I have to have my lips accessible
if I'm going to make this happen.

- Maybe we can cut it off.
- What, are you nuts?

This isn't some wal-mart
special. This baby's coad-made.

It's worth a lot of
money. No cutting.

Now, try again.
Come on. Bring it.

Ow! Ow! God, oh!

Ah, oh!

I'm okay!

Oh, sh**t!

I'm starving. You wanna
get something to eat?

Let's get something to eat.

Okay.

What are you doing?

He's out, man.

- Trevor!
- I was building that!

Shut up, man!

Wake up, trevor.

Call 911 right now.

You came in with
trevor o'donnell?

Yes. How's he doing?

He's in a coma.

My god.

His blood alcohol level was .38.

The legal limit is .08.

It's good you
called when you did.

Otherwise, he'd be dead.

Is he gonna make it?

We won't know for a while.

You two should go home.

Get some sleep.

All we can do now is wait.

- What are you doing?
- Freezing my head.

Cold causes shrinkage.

That's never gonna work.

You kidding me? This
baby's gonna slide right off.

Hi.

Ah. Oh, hey there.
Just chilling out.

I just wanted to say
it was nice to meet you.

Oh, yeah. It was nice
to meet you, too.

It's so weird.

I did a tequila sh*t
with that guy, trevor.

He seemed wasted, but
I had no idea how bad.

Kinda makes halloween
seem stupid, doesn't it?

Yeah, definitely.

Okay.

Well, see ya.

Yeah.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

It's okay. It's not like
we lost everything.

I got a few pennies left.

I guess my lips aren't
as lucky as I thought.

Now I have no money, no
love, no lionel, no nothing.

Except a lot of blackheads.

Javier, I'm sure
samuel's gonna call you.

It doesn't matter.

The one thing this
extravaganza has taught me,

Don't gamble with the heart.

That's the whole point.

If you don't play,
you can't win.

But it's rigged! The
house always wins.

- What?
- That's him.

- Who?
- That's him. Lionel richie.

Okay, just be cool.
Act like we're equals.

Okay.

Excuse me.

I hate to bother
you, mr. Richie,

While you're about to take care of
business, but I am your biggest fan.

Um...

Thank you so much.

We came all the way from the
big apple to see your concert,

But it was sold out.

Noel couldn't
believe it was sold out,

But I said, "of course it's
sold out. It's lionel richie.

Everyone knows lionel,
because lionel loves love."

Can you autograph my chest?

Could we do that
on a piece of paper?

Oh! Get me some paper!

Yeah, so, um...

Can I ask you something?

Sure.

I mean, you're so smart

And know so much
about the ways of love

And dancing on the ceiling,

And so I was wondering if I
could ask you for some advice.

Like when lionel
and his lady fight,

What does lionel do?

Well, my theory is that...

Should I be writing this down?

Yeah? Okay. Do you have a pen?

No, I don't have a pen.

- Give me your pen!
- Guys, guys.

You have a pen!

No matter what it is, no
matter how angry you get,

You just tell her, "honey,

You're right."

That works?

Every time.

Um, did you want me to...

Oh, yes.

To javier. Um, with a "j."

Javier with a "j."

Yes.

Thank you so much.
Thank you for everything.

Thank you.

Hey. What'd you get?

Uh, nothing.

Sean?

They're... They're sock shirts.

Okay? But I ordered
them before last night.

And I gotta tell you,
I think they're great.

Okay, clearly,
you're not hearing me.

It's clothing, meghan.
It's nothing personal.

It is personal. To me.

It's part of my look. If you sell it to
everyone else, I'll look like everyone else.

Let's be honest. You already do.

What?

The sock shirt's great, but
your whole look? Come on.

It's not like you're
breaking new ground.

What the hell do you
know about fashion?

You wear tube socks.

- So do you!
- As sleeves.

That's what I think
is fantastic. Come on!

Don't you want
to see the shirts?

All right.

Let's start with... Let's
start with this one.

Okay, I'll go ahead and start.

What I like about this drawing

Is how the artist uses black
and white to explore light.

Like, right here.

It really looks like
light reflecting off glass.

Whose is this?

It's really good, max.

I was inspired by
you. It's a tiara.

Why don't we come
back to this one?

Don't you want to know
what about you inspired me?

It's the packaging and
objectification of the feminine form.

Do you get a
scholarship for that?

No, I personally did not.

Well, you got a t.a. Position.

I am here because I'm an art
major, not because I won a prize.

Oh.

- Miss porter?
- Yes. Felicity.

Not to judge you for
entering a beauty pageant,

But I have to say
that we, as artists,

Will be fighting the pressures of
commercial and material concerns

At every turn,

And you traded on your looks.

You already sold out.

It's not a lesson I want to pay
to learn in this or any class.

Thank you.

I already kicked you out of this class,
mr. Covington. Don't make me do it again.

I just thought you should
know what happened.

Trevor o'donnell is in a coma.

He got alcohol poisoning.

After you kicked us
out, we went drinking.

Sir, we came to you for help.

That's your job, isn't it?
To help your students?

No, my job is to
teach chemistry.

All we asked was that you
be fair, let us retake the test.

If coming here is your
attempt to get back into class...

I don't care about
this stupid class.

He's in a coma.

Would it have been that big of a deal
for you to admit that you were wrong?

A paper towel
autographed by lionel richie.

That's not bad.

Whatever.

Look, why don't you
just call samuel?

You'll feel a lot better.

Okay, maybe you're right.

Why am I holding
out? I love the guy.

I don't know how you do it.

What?

Live without being
with the one you love.

Hello?

It's him!

He says he's sorry.

Oh, I miss you so much, too!

Oh, the last two days
have been terrible!

Oh!

Oh, we went to atlantic city,

And we met lionel richie.

Yes, of course I'm serious.

Yeah, I got his autograph
and everything.

Okay, why would I lie
about something like that?

I met lionel richie.

In the men's room at the casino.

Okay, here we go
again. Once again...

Javier, javier. Remember
lionel's theory. Okay?

Okay, you know
what? You know what?

Honey, you are right.

Oh, I love you, too.

Oh, that is so sweet.

Oh, you're so bad. Oh!

No, i... No.

I'm allergic to leather.

Javier, come on.

Let me call you
back. Okay, I'll rush...

- Latex is okay, but I have...
- Come on.

Okay, I gotta go. Okay, bye.

Are you still in bed?

It's noon.

I don't wanna be a t.a.

They sing the theme to miss
america every time I walk in the room.

You see? That makes me mad.

You don't have to take that.

Yeah, but they're right.

I was in a beauty pageant,
and I'm not a good t.a.

- I'm sorry,
but can I say something?
- What?

You have to stop apologizing

For who you are
and what you've done.

You're not the first person to screw up
on their way to figuring out who they are.

You gotta own your mistakes
and get some strength from them.

You know what I'm saying?

Yes, I was in a beauty pageant,
and this is the dress I wore.

Any questions?

Good. Let's get started.

Who wants to go first?

Professor cavallo.

Miss porter. What are you doing?

I'm... I'm the t.a.

I'm the new professor.

Do you always come to class like that,
or is this in celebration of my first day?

Um...

Living on the 13th floor

♪ Only makes me love you more

♪ Caught in a revolving door

♪ Spinnin' round

♪ Looking through a telescope

♪ Counting every star I know

♪ Not that you're
my only hope...

- Meghan?
- Upstairs.

- What are you doing?
- It's all yours.

Hey, you know, halloween's over.

It's not a costume.

Uh, I don't understand.

It's my new look.

Get used to it.

Really?

- Mm-hm.
- I like it.

I know. Just don't steal it.

Uh, they're not
admitting visitors yet.

But he's awake.

He is?

From what I hear, you handled
the situation pretty well.

Yeah.

You may have been right.

Maybe I could have
been more helpful.

And I might have said

That benzenes weren't
going to be on the test.

My mistake.

I'd better go.

See you in class.

Thank you, sir.

You know, I have a son your age.

See, when I was a kid,
my dad would get drunk,

And he'd just kind of
disappear for days.

And then when he
finally did show up,

He'd just kinda pretend
that we didn't exist.

I think when you're a
kid, you wanna fix things.

You wanna help.

I think that's why I do want to
become a doctor, so I can help.

It's just funny

How something good comes
out of something so bad.

Hey.

Hey.

How's the nature show?

- Oh, it's good.
- It looks good.

Yeah, I'm thinking maybe I
could get a job as a zookeeper.

Well, hodges let us back in.

Really?

Yeah.

And, uh, I still
need a lab partner.

I'll think about it.

I don't think so.

I'm very busy.

I don't know.

I guess I'm thinking
that I can do this now.

That maybe it's not about the
person who's the best student.

That maybe...

That maybe it's about the
person who cares the most.