03x05 - Night at the Lazerama

[bunniefuu]

Morning, guys.

Is Alex awake yet?

[laughing]

Yeah...

Oh, good one, right?

Hey, so what are you guys doing?

Check it out. Conscience
and I are studying.

But your mom and dad have been
trying to get you to study for years

and you've been ignoring them.

Ah, very true.

However, they don't sit on my
lap and hold a book to my face.

My conscience does do that.

OK, Max, back to work.

Let's try the "Picture This" spell.

All right, what does that do?

Well, you cast it
on any picture frame

and you can see what's
going on someplace else.

- Ah, cool.
- Guys...

What is with all the yammering?
It's the middle of the night.

Shh!

We're studying!

Oh. I thought you were working
on a ventriloquist act

with two dummies.

Conscience has been waking Max up

and forcing him to study spells
before he knows he's awake.

He just learned the
"Picture This" spell.

He did? I haven't even
learned that one yet.

It's in the next chapter.

And I only know it's in the next
chapter because I put my gum there.

That conscience can ruin my
chance of being the family wizard.

You know what else
can ruin your chance?

A little disease you
have called laziness.

I'm not lazy, I'm just
resting up for my s.

Yep. Got a lot planned. [burps]

♪ Well, you know everything's
gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ That the end will no doubt
justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem with
the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out it'll
go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report on a
book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers
you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you wanted
in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is
not what it seems ♪

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you want
by the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with
the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

- [both giggle]
- Again.

- Once more.
- Hey!

You two weirdoes, get a cave.

Don't be afraid of love, Alex.

It's what makes the
world go 'round.

Oh, well, so does money. So what's it
gonna cost to get you two out of here

'cause I gotta study.

Hi, everyone.
If you don't remember,

I'm Chancellor Rudy Tootietootie
of the Monster Hunter Counci

It's good to see you.
[clears throat]

[sighs] I feel like a member
of the family already.

When do we start the fight
over Grandma's will?

Grandma's broke.
She doesn't have a will.

Anyway, I... [sniffing]

Do you guys smell
vanilla and death?

Either there's a monster in here or you
guys need to clean out the refrigerator.

It's my perfume.

Uh, yeah! [scoffs]

It's called Death by... Vanilla.

We'll go get you some. Come on.

Anyway...

I'm here to tell you
you've completed

your independent study
course in monster hunting.

Uh, but I'm not even
done with the class, sir.

Yep, that's how it works in the
go-go world of monster hunting.

Anyway, this is your
first official case.

There's a mummy loose in the area.

- [organ sting plays]
- Mummy?

Um, sir, shouldn't you bring
in some monster hunters

with more experience for that?

Can't. They've all been destroyed.

[organ sting plays]

By the mummy?

I'm required to say "no."

[whimpers]

Don't look into the mummy's eyes

or you'll fall under his control
and you'll be his servant forever,

which is way worse than it seems.

- It seems pretty bad.
- Then you get it.

- [shudders]
- [organ sting plays]

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down there.
We don't want to be too obvious.

OK. So we'll just pop in here,

do a little mummy research
before the museum closes.

Huh. I knew her.

- What's up?
- OK, come on.

OK, so all I could
find on the Wiznet

was that mummies enjoy cookie dough
ice cream, being buried alive,

and extremely slow
walks in the park.

[laughs] Yeah, 'cause they're,
like, "Raaah!"

- [shudders]
- Oh! Oh, I'm sorry!

Did I just make you scared? - No.
I've been scared the whole time.

You just reminded me oft.

Oh, what did you just spill?

[Justin] Hmm.

Monster hunter dust.

It only glows and activates when
a monster has passed over it.

ke... Like that?

Yeah, well, you're a monster,
you passedver it.

That's why it's been activated.

What about these drips of
cookie dough ice cream?

You hate cookie dough ice cream.

But you know who loves it?

The mummy.

He's here.

I've been thinking...

Oh, thanks for the heads-up.
See ya! - No, no!

Without Conscience around,

Max won't do the right thing.

We just need to get
him away from Max

to buy me more time
to study and catch up.

All right, just...
as long as I'm not involved.

No problem. I'll distract Max

while you invite Conscience to
do something out of the house.

Do you ever hear me?

Come on, go!

Hey, Conscience,
there's a laser light show

at the planetarium tonight.
Wanna go?

Well, that sounds like fun,

but I can't leave Max's side.

It's not what a good
conscience does. - Mm-mmm.

Yes, yes! And you have
done such a good job.

I think you deserve a break.
Don't you, Max?

Don't you think he
deserves a break?

Um, well, I think so

because at least once a day he says,
"Gimme a break, Max!"

I guess I could use a little break.

Unless we see Jeremy from science,

and then you better act
like you're totally into me.

- Excuse me.
- Hmm?

Has anyone fnd a cell phone?

Let's ok here.

Yes, I did. Thank you.

- [beeps]
- That's my phone.

Yeah, one second. Hello.

Yes, operator, can you please
connect me to anyone in Australia?

I'm trying to find out what,
like, a koala bear sounds like.

I think it's like a...
[trills and clicks]

Give me that!

I'm so sorry. I think
it's just a little joke.

Uh, sandwich is on us.

Did I st hear you
give away a sandwich?

There's something wrong with Max.

[mimics spaceship flying]

Honey, where's Conscience?

Uh, he went tohe Lazerama
light show with Harper.

Alex thought he needed a break.

[sighs]

[both] Alex.

Hello!

[chuckles] Just studying.

Oh, I found my gum!

What did you do?

Nothing! I just encourag Conscience

to take a well-deserved
break fromax.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm on a long trip to education.

Invisible shade.

Excuse me?

[mimics shade snapping up]

Did you know that if Max and
Conscience are separated too long

that Conscience will
become a person of his own

and never go back to Max?

And one of the reasons
why I don't ow that

is because people keep interrupting
me when I'm trying to study.

I bet you that kind of
stuff's on thnextage of this.

Yep, there it is. OK, I'll fix it.

[man] [font color="#D D "]Attention: the Egyptian
exhibit is now closed.

The coast is clear.

This is weird.

These are usually shut

I'll bet the mummy opened it.

Come on.

[humming]

[shouts]

Oh, n! Uh...

You must have hit a switch
or something. Look around.

There's gotta be awitch
around hersomeere.

No. I know who did it
and I have good news.

Oh.

We found the mummy.

[growls]

Shield your eyes!

Huh?

OK, he's gone. Let's not panic.

Right.

Mommy!

Mommy, please!

[muffled] Please
let me out of here!

- [Justin] Mommy, please!
- [screaming, muffled]

Yep, it's soundproof.

Yeah. Uh...

Magic.

[font color="#D D "]Plastic: the natural
enemy of magic.

OK, cover your eyes.

I'm gonna try and
break us out of here.

[screeching]

Ow!

No, no! I wouldn't step
over here if I were you.

That second hit knocked
the guano out of me.

[growls]

The mummy's here. OK, remember,

whatever you do,
do not look into his eyes.

[growls and grunts]

[overlapping clamor]

[groans]

Welcome to my minion army!

Now, you, go get me a pint
of cookie dough ice cream.

And you, take my sarcophagus
to the back door.

[groans] Hold on!

I don't think he's after us.

I think he's just trying
to get his stuff back.

OK, so we wait here until the
museum opens in the morning,

and then someone will come
and get us. Problem solved!

Yeah, that's not gonna work.

- Why not?
- See that?

Oh, yeah. A skylight.

Skylights are nice.

Nice? No. Skylight, vampire...

Morning, sunshine.

Ow! [groaning]

Ash.

We are in deep guano.

What are you doing?

Sometimes when it's awkward and
there's nothing to talk about

I just... laugh to fill the space!

There's something in your backpack.

Am I too late? Catch me up.

- I'm your new conscience.
- [laughing]

[sobs]

This is great!

I'm growing my own conscience.

That means I'm
becoming my own person.

Conscience,
you've gotta get home now.

I'm not called Conscience anymore.

[laughing]

[groaning]

This is all awkward for you,
isn't it?

Hello, girls. I'm
Conscience's new conscience.

Oh, no, it's gone
further than I thought.

We've gotta get him out of there.

[laughing]

Look, Conscience, you've got
to see what's going on at home.

Excuse me.

Please, please, tell me now

Is there something I should know

Duranium Duranius

He's eating my special mustard!

He's not even supposed
to touch that!

Mmm!

He's wiping his face
on my couch pillows!

Would you forget about
the couch pillows?!

He's eating my special mustard!

[groans] It's good!

Going back would be
the right thing to do.

Yeah, it looks pretty
bad back there,

but... that's your problem now.

I'm my own person.

How much do you weigh?

I don't know. A buck, a buck five.

We can take him.

[Conscience gasps]

I'll get us out of here.

All I need is something
big and heavy,

like, uh... No.

Like a boulder!

Juliet, we're saved!

Let me just... OK,
lift with the back.

[grunts]

Styrofoam?

Great. Now what are we gonna do?

Whoa! The mummy's back.

Let us out of here,

you wrapped in
strips of fabric guy!

- Justin, Justin, um...
- Yeah?

Let's not squander
whatever time we have left

yelling kind of lame
insults at the mummy.

Look, it's pretty obvious
I'm not gonna make it.

Let's just be together
while we can, OK?

[growls]

Wait. I know what needs to happen.

You have to look into his eyes.

What?

It's the only way you'll survive.

If you look into his eyes
you'll become his servant.

He'll take you with him.

No. What about you?

Someone will come get
me in the morning.

No, I want to spend this
last night here with you.

I want to be with you, too,

but this is the only
chance you have.

You can't catch me, Dad.
You can't catch me!

Whoo!

[gasps, screams]

Put me down! I said put me down!

Uh-oh. - Wait, as long as
you're going, can you take...

Dad, I was thinking,
on my way back here

I just learned a spell that could
turn Conscience into a pair of socks.

Hey, that's perfect.

Max can just wear Conscience.

He only wears the same pair of socks anyway,
it might as well be Conscience.

Theresa, that's not
how magic works,

but I do know a spell
that will help.

Conscience, get ready
to get back into Max.

Goodbye, loser.
I'm never seeing you again.

No, Max, I'm gonna be inside...

Just do it.

All right, here's the spell.

Alex, say, "Scrubby dubby,
into the tubby."

Scrubby dubby, into the tubby

Oh, I see, I get it now.

Argyle, bobby, tube, knee-high

Into socks turn this guy

[water sloshing]

[wash cycle starts]

What's wrong, honey? - [sobs] I
never thought I'd see Max do laundry.

[bell dings]

[coughs]

Thank you, Alex.

Mom, I'm sorry I broke the lamp.

I promise I'll clean it up.

And to do that, I'm going
to need a broom, a dustpan,

double-stick tape, and a small dog.

He's back.

I'll grab the broom, the dustpan,
the double-stick tape.

You grab some bacon and
hang out at the dog park.

OK.

Man, I'm getting better at this.

Justin really should
watch his back.

I can't wait to tell him.

Please, please tell me now Is there
something I should know

Duranium Duranius

[growling]

Oh, no.

Justin, I know it's right.
I'm just scared I'll never see you again.

You will.

This won't be forever. I promise.

I tracked down this joker
once and I'll do it again.

You're my vampire.

And you're my wizard.

OK, now we just gotta get through
the soundproof barrier somehow.

If we wave to the kids.

[growls]

- I love you, Juliet.
- I love you, Justin.

[growls]

[glass squeaks]

[growls]

A vampire minion.

Grow your wings.

Fan me on the way out.

Yes, master.

How fast do those things go?

Forty-five in the country,
in the city.

I'll come get you if
it's the last thing I do!

Justin!

Are you OK? I saw
that you were trapped.

What happened? Am I too late?

I let Juliet go with the mummy.

It was the only thing I
could do to save her life.

The only thing you could
do to save her life?

Oh, right. Skylight.

Well, I guess that's something that you
guys are always gonna have to deal with.

I mean, just like
whoever I end up with

is gonna have to
deal with all this.

Wow.

I threw you a lob and
you didn't swing.

You must be pretty upset.

I love her.

Well, you know what they say...

If you love somebody,
set them free.

And if they really love you...

...they'll come back.

Not if they're a
mind-sl*ve to a mummy.

OK, so clearly I'm not as good as
you are making people feel better,

so... [sighs]

Let's just hug and go get
some cookie dough ice cream.

Cookie dough! [sobbing]

There, there. Let it out.

All right. Hey,
maybe I am good at this.