04x27 - Tabatha's Cranky Spell

[bunniefuu]

Now, Tabatha,
you mustn't be cranky.

I want you to lie down
and go to sleep.

You had no nap this afternoon,
and if...

Tabatha.

Oh, Tabatha!

Good evening, dear.

Oh, hi.

Oh, that's very cute.

Probably saw some mortal friend
of yours do that at a cocktail party.

Samantha, you're bringing this child
up in the wrong environment.

And speaking of
wrong environment...

where's what's-his-name?

Darrin is in Chicago for the weekend
on business.

Splendid. While he's gone...

we can take Tabatha over to
that witch's nursery school in Tibet...

where you learned to fly.

- Mother.
- What?

You are not helping me one bit
by putting ideas in her head.

Now, there are only two things
that I want:

For Tabatha to go to sleep,
and for you to blow.

Blow!

Oh, Mother.

Tabatha.

Dear. Now, listen, young lady.
You just leave that right there.

Now, I mean it.

You be a good girl... I said no!

Well, if you can't b*at them,
join them.

- Hello?
- Samantha, darling.

Oh, hello, Louise.

Larry and I were just
talking about you.

We want you to come
to dinner tonight.

Oh, well, that's very sweet
of you, Louise.

And I'd love to come, but I can't.

I don't have a sitter.

We won't take no for an answer.

- You won't?
- We insist.

Surely you can find a babysitter
in the neighbourhood.

Well, I daresay there are some sitters
in the neighbourhood.

But at the risk of sounding like
an over-indulgent mother...

I'm very choosy, and not just
anyone can sit with Tabatha.

Then you leave everything to us.
Larry will be there in 20 minutes.

He'll bring our own babysitter,
my Aunt Harriet.

Your Aunt Harriet?

- Is that a cr*ck at my aunt?
- No, it's not a cr*ck.

She can't stand any more. She's
already as cracked as they come.

Not another word, Samantha.
It's all taken care of.

Larry's on his way. Bye.

No. Hello?

Hello?

Mother?

Mother, you come back here
this minute.

Mother!

Mother?

- Hi, Larry.
- Hi, Samantha.

I'd like you to meet
Louise's Aunt Harriet.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

Fine, I guess.

Been sitting for us...

ever since that handsome
little replica of me was born.

Well, you've given me
a few nights off for good behaviour.

Oh, where is it?

Where's what?

We left it in the back
of the car. I'll get it.

No, no. I'll get it.
I don't want you to touch it.

It might pick up
the wrong vibrations.

What is she talking about?

Her crystal ball.

Crystal ball?

She's always trying to contact
the next world.

Next world?

Cute, isn't she?

Larry. Larry, I really think that I...

Louise would never forgive me
if you back out now.

If you don't come to dinner tonight,
Darrin is fired.

- What?
- Well, maybe I am being...

a bit melodramatic,
but it's a melodramatic situation.

We're in a tough spot.

There is an ulterior motive.

We invited a client and his wife
to dinner.

A Mr. Baker. We're trying to get him
to modernize his packaging.

Larry, you know that there isn't
anything I wouldn't do to help you.

Sam, you're not getting
the message.

The plan is for you, Louise and
Mrs. Baker to g*ng up on him tonight.

The women's point of view.

- Women buy his product, and...
- Here we are.

I just know I'm gonna have
a wonderful time tonight.

I may even contact Mr. Henderson.

- Who?
- He's the man I was engaged to...

for 20 years.

I refused to marry him
because he drank.

He's in the spirit world now.

Sounds more like he was
in the spirit world before he left.

Well, come on, Sam. We wanna
be there when the Bakers arrive.

Wait a minute, Larry.

I really ought to be here just in case
Darrin calls long distance.

Don't worry. I'll tell him to call you
at the Tates'.

Oh, where is your little Tabatha?

Larry and Louise say
she's a darling.

Yes.

Well, she's in the nursery.

It's the door on the left
at the top of the stairs.

She's asleep, I hope.

Okay. Let's go.

You go ahead
and have a good time.

I know how it is with young mothers.

Worry, worry.

Yes.

Silly, isn't it?

Mr. Baker, I've been buying
your brand of food for years.

Naturally. It's the best in the world.

- Samantha.
- Oh, thanks, Louise.

But, you know, sometimes I have
difficulty finding it in the stores.

Oh, I have the same trouble.

Yes, thank you.

It's probably because the packaging
isn't spectacular enough...

to attract the eye
of the discerning housewife.

Edgar, haven't I always told you the
package should have a modern look.

Something that would appeal
to today's woman.

My Uncle Willie
designed that package.

New packaging would make
your product sell five times as fast.

Putting a new package
on a great old product...

would be like putting a miniskirt
on Whistler's Mother.

Well, if you'll excuse me,
I think I ought to call home...

and make sure
everything's all right.

Oh, relax, Samantha.
Everything's all right.

Mr. Henderson,
I know that you're in there.

Mr. Henderson,
I know that you're in there.

Horsy, go for a walk.

Mr. Henderson, come forth.

Mr. Henderson,
I suddenly feel cold air.

Could that be you?

No, it can't be you.

I'm sure you're in
a much warmer place.

I want my ball.

Is that you?

If you're really here, knock once.

Ball up.

I've done it. I've done it.
I knew I could reach you.

I know you're here.

Where are you, Mr. Henderson?
Mr. Henderson, where are you?

Horsy, come home.

Mr. Henderson,
what are you trying to tell me?

Reincarnation?
You've come back as a horse!

Baker, here you have the opinion
of three women...

symbolic of the purchasing power
of this nation, and...

I'll get it. Excuse me.

Furthermore, Mr. Baker,
consumers' research has proved...

beyond a doubt that women control
the purse strings of the nation.

What?

Hello? Hello?

We were cut off.

Louise's aunt is babysitting
with Tabatha.

She probably woke up
and started to cry.

I'm the only one that can quiet her,
so I'd better go.

The phone doesn't ring.

Louise, I'm sure that everything
is all right.

I just take Sam home
and then we'll come right back.

I'll get my coat. Excuse me.

She said something about conjuring
up a real live ghost.

A ghost?

There's no such thing as ghosts.

I believe in ghosts.
What do you think, Louise?

Well, let's just say that I'm neutral
on the subject.

But it's my Aunt Harriet, so perhaps
I'd better go with Samantha.

Would you mind if I went too?
You know...

all my life I've wanted
to see a real ghost.

Agnes, how many times
have I told you?

There are no such things as ghosts.

Seeing is believing.

Agnes, you're being ridiculous.

Come on, Mr. Baker.
Let's humour the girls.

All right.

Where's everybody going?

To your house, to see the ghost.

I'll get my hat.

What ghost?

Probably the ghost
of my advertising business.

That's how fast it's dying.

Come on in, everyone.

Aunt Harriet.

Don't disturb the vibrations.

Vibrations?

I'm trying to get him back.

- Get who?
- The ghost of Mr. Henderson.

He's here?

The last I saw him,
he went upstairs with his horse.

His horse?

She's your aunt?

Only by marriage.
Only by marriage.

He must still be around.
Oh, isn't this exciting?

Agnes, come back here.

I was sitting right here on the couch
and suddenly I felt cold air.

How weird.

We have the draftiest house
in town.

I asked the crystal ball
to contact Mr. Henderson...

and have him knock on the table,
and he did.

Only by marriage.

I might want an affidavit on that.

Wait a minute.

I know what happened.

You fell asleep
and dreamed all this.

Don't be ridiculous.

If anyone has insomnia, it's me.

I haven't slept a wink in years.

She's sound asleep.

She came here to catch up.

All this commotion over nothing. It was
only a dream. Let's all have a drink.

I'm way ahead of you, Tate.

I'll catch up.

Milk.

Well, now we can get back
to business, Mr. Baker.

He's in the kitchen.

- Who?
- The ghost.

Don't start that all over again.
The whole thing was a dream.

Aunt Harriet, wake up.

I tell you, the ghost is in the kitchen.

I just saw him pour himself
a glass of milk.

Milk?

That certainly doesn't
sound like Mr. Henderson.

Unless he's developed an ulcer.

You've conjured up a real ghost.

Let's have a s?ance, right now.

- Agnes.
- Louise.

Edgar, I've always told you...

Uncle Willie would've stayed up
with the times.

Aunt Harriet, do you think
you could conjure up...

my husband's Uncle Willie?

Why not? I'm hot tonight!

If we could only get him
to talk to us...!

That's what this whole thing
has been leading up to.

You can't change me,
so you try to change Uncle Willie...

by rigging
this whole phony routine.

But... But... Mr. Baker.

My apologies,
Mrs. Stephens, Mrs. Tate.

Come on, Agnes, we're leaving.
And your advertising agency...

no longer handles my account.

You can't do this. She's a genuine
clairvoyant. Besides, she...

Edgar, please let me stay
with my ghost.

I think we should be going home,
Aunt Harriet.

Never mind your crystal ball.
We'll pick it up later.

But I did see the rocking horse
floating through the room...

and I know that I'm right.
I don't wanna leave my crystal ball.

Larry. We'll get it later, dear.

Larry.

Please don't be too hard
on Aunt Harriet.

Those things that she said she saw,
well, they were just part of a dream.

Or maybe part
of a vivid imagination.

I'm the one who has
a vivid imagination.

I can see $500,000
flying out the window.

- Samantha.
- Yes?

Nothing.

Sam, if you love Darrin, get him
out of the advertising business...

while there's still time.

And with that, I proceeded to break
the bank at Monte Carlo.

You're not listening
to me, Samantha.

I said, I broke the bank
at Monte Carlo.

Oh, it's all right.

We don't have any money
in that bank.

After last night, we may end up
without any money in our own bank.

What is that silly thing?

- Crystal ball.
- Oh, you're kidding.

All right, it's a cuff link
for the Jolly Green Giant.

Well, that makes more sense.

And it just might be the solution
to my problem.

If I knew what Uncle Willie
looked like...

I could become him and talk
Mr. Baker into changing his plans.

Come right in here, Samantha.

My dear, I'm so thrilled
that you're doing this for me...

especially after the way
my husband behaved last night.

Oh, don't be silly.

I wanted to help you contact
Uncle Willie.

Is the coast clear?

Oh, yes. Mr. Baker's in his study.

Is that Uncle Willie?

Oh, no. I don't know who he is.

He's someone my husband got
at an auction.

Uncle Willie's over there.

And I just can't wait to get started.

Well...

First, you have to concentrate
on Uncle Willie.

Then, most important,
you have to believe.

That's why I brought Aunt Harriet's
crystal ball. You know it works.

Oh, yes. I saw that ghost pour himself
a glass of milk with my own eyes.

Do you think I can reach
Uncle Willie?

Oh, I'm positive.

Now, all you have to do
is put your hands like this...

gaze into the crystal ball,
and concentrate on Uncle Willie.

Well, shouldn't I say something?

Well, yes. Yes, it might help
if you said something like:

"Uncle Willie, come forth."

Uncle Willie, come forth.

Uncle Willie, come forth.

It kind of gives me goose pimples.

Maybe it would help you concentrate
if I stepped out to the patio.

All right. Uncle Willie, come forth.

- Who are you?
- I'm Uncle Willie.

Sorry.

You must forgive me
for being startled...

but it isn't every day
that I meet a ghost.

That makes us even.

It isn't every day I meet a witch.

How do you know I'm a witch?

In my circle, word gets around.

Did Mrs. Baker conjure you up?

Of course not. I've been
haunting this house for 45 years.

Shaking my chain.

Moaning myself hoarse.

But they can't hear me,
because they don't really believe.

Uncle Willie, come forth.

Why have you been trying
to haunt them?

Why? Because that blockhead
nephew of mine...

is ruining my business.

I gave my whole life
to that business...

and I want it run
the way it ought to be run.

And with a little assistance
from your witchcraft, I can do it.

Now, first, turn yourself
back into me.

All right.

I look a lot worse than I thought.

Anyway, let me tell you a couple of
things that will convince my nephew.

Uncle Willie, please come forth.

Uncle Willie, please,
I want you to come forth.

Uncle Willie...

Agnes! Are you
out of your mind?

You know I've forbidden this kind
of hocus-pocus around here.

If I've told you once,
I've told you a million times.

There are no such things as ghosts.

- Who are you?
- Who do I look like?

You're an actor.

That Larry Tate, he put you
up to this, didn't he?

You're no ghost.

What...? What kind of trick
was that?

How'd you do it?

Here I am, over here.

I don't believe it, but I sure would
like to know how you do it.

Maybe you'll be convinced
that I'm Uncle Willie...

when I remind you of the time you
put a frog in your Aunt Millie's bed.

And I whaled the tar out of you.

Uncle Willie?

Only you and I
would know about that.

And the time I caught you putting
molasses in your sister's shoes.

You are Uncle Willie.

When you say Uncle Willie,
get down on your knees.

Yes, sir.

What do you want, Uncle Willie?

Your very last words to me were,
"Don't tamper with the business."

And I didn't.

Now, you listen to me,
you blockhead.

When I told you not to tamper
with the business...

how did I know what progress
there'd be in 50 years?

Haven't you the gumption
to keep up with your competition?

Now, get on that phone,
call Larry Tate.

Tell him to throw out our old
trademark for something new.

Now, hop to it.

No, I can't do that, Uncle Willie.

After what I said to him,
it would offend my dignity.

Very well.

When Agnes comes out
of her faint...

I'll mention a certain
blond stenographer who...

Oh, no. I'm dialling.

Uncle Willie, I'm dialling.

See? Look, I'm dialling.

Hello, Tate? This is Baker.

Yes, I'd like to talk to you
in the morning about getting...

a new packaging
concept for our product.

I don't care
what Uncle Willie wanted.

I'm running this business my way,
and I believe in progress.

Hop to it. I wanna see some ideas
first thing in the morning.

Right.

Young lady, I could kiss you.

Oh, Uncle Willie!

This pie is absolutely
delicious, Samantha.

Oh, thanks, Louise.

I made an extra one
for your Aunt Harriet.

- I thought you could take it to her.
- Oh, great idea.

Anything to keep her from talking
to that crystal ball.

Larry.

Louise, would you like
some more coffee?

- No, thank you. I'm fine.
- Thanks, Sam.

I thought we agreed
not to discuss that again.

We did not agree. You simply
told me what you'd do to me if I did.

But I don't intimidate that easily.

- As Mr. Baker well knows.
- Mr. Baker?

Yes, I finally straightened him out.

You got the account back?

Well, there are times
when a man in my position...

has to use
his power and authority.

Mere tact and diplomacy
is not enough.

One must meet a situation head-on.

I really laid down the law to him.
For his own good.

Larry, that was
very considerate of you.

I told him, "Forget Uncle Willie."
From now on, he's to listen to me.

I'm an authority.

From now on, I'm his Uncle Willie.

And it worked?

He was putty in my hands.

Larry, I'm proud of you.

I always thought if you got
Mr. Baker to change his mind...

he was the kind of man that would
make it seem like his idea.

You know, like:

"Hello, Tate. This is Baker.

I wanna discuss a new
packaging concept for our product.

I don't care what Uncle Willie wants.

I'm running the business my way,
and I believe in progress.

Hop to it, Tate. I wanna see those
ideas on my desk tomorrow morning.

That was wonderful, Samantha.
Wasn't she cute, Larry?

Larry?

Yeah.