04x30 - Samantha's Secret Saucer

[bunniefuu]

Okay, flight crew, are we ready?

A-okay, Daddy.

Roger. Geronimo.

Clear for launch.

- Countdown. Three, two, one.
- Blast off.

- I hate...
- Blast off.

Yes. I hate to break up
this moon mission, g*ng...

but Colonel Stephens
and I have an ordinary...

Earth rendezvous at the Blakes'.

Ready in a minute, honey.

I know it's painful for you
to give up your command...

- Colonel Stephens, but be brave.
- Okay. Okay.

Aunt Clara, you got everything
straight?

Yes. Yes, of course. I think so.
Now let me see.

The Blakes' telephone number
is in the icebox...

and the glass of milk is pinned
to the bulletin board.

Or is it?

I've got an idea. Instead of letting
your Aunt Clara baby-sit...

why don't we stay home
until Tabatha's 21?

Good night, Aunt Clara.
We'll be home early.

Roger. Well, have a good time.
And everything's "O-akay."

All right, Tabatha.

One more flight,
and we're off to bed.

Countdown, one, two.

Excellent, Tabatha, excellent.

You're a better spaceman
than Dr. Spock.

Well, never mind.
I'll get it, and then off to bed.

Here, saucer.

Here, saucer.

Why, you naughty little saucer,
you come right back here.

Flying saucer in darkest night

Hark ye, land within my sight

It's big.

Full moon

Tide rise

Shrink this saucer back to size

It's still big.

Tabatha, it's definitely past
your bedtime.

Come, dear.

But I'll be back.

Oh, boy, Orvis, this is a fine mess
you've got us into this time.

It's not my fault, Alpha.
The controls are frozen.

You're the navigator, aren't you,
dummy?

One minute we're flying over
Parenthia, and then:

We're a million miles away
in outer space.

This proves one thing, though.
There is life on other planets.

They speak Parenthian too.

The question is,
are they dangerous?

Don't worry, Orvis.

We have our N-g*ns for protection.

Hi, Aunt Clara.
Everything go all right?

Oh, hello, children. Oh, yes, yes.
Everything's all right.

- And Tabatha's asleep in bed.
- Good.

Well, it was
a very uneventful evening.

Almost.

- What do you mean, "Almost"?
- What does she mean, "Almost"?

What do you mean, "Almost"?

Well, Darrin, you know that little
toy saucer that you like so much?

Yes. What about it?

- Well, you're going to love it now.
- I am?

Well, there's so much more
of it to love.

All right, Aunt Clara. Out with it.

Well...

Now, sweetheart.
Try and keep an open mind.

It's a wonder I can keep
any mind at all.

- Well, what do you think?
- I think you've done it again.

Well, it's quite easy to explain.

You see, the saucer flew around
and flew out the door.

And I couldn't find it.

So I wanted to zap it back,
and, well...

I'm afraid I didn't realize
my own strength.

I'm impressed.

Now, please shrink it.

Oh, but I tried to,
and nothing happened.

The first one is back,
and it's brought more of them.

Look at the ridiculous ears
on the tall one.

Sam, you've got to cut this thing
down to size, and quick.

Well, I wish I could, sweetheart,
but, you see, it's Aunt Clara's...

- Aunt Clara's spell.
- Well, you're catching on.

But I'm sure that after
a good night's sleep...

Aunt Clara will be able
to reverse the spell.

Okay. But if that thing doesn't
fit into the toy box...

the first thing in the morning,
I'll take a hacksaw and do it myself.

Did you hear that?

He's coming back in the morning
to destroy us.

If he aims his hacksaw at us...

we'll blast him with the N-g*n.

I knew it. I was right.

There was a noise last night, and it
was caused by that flying saucer.

Just wait till Mr. Abner "Know-it-All"
Kravitz sees this.

Abner! Abner, wake up! Wake up!

Sophia, we'll motor down
the Via Veneto together.

- Abner.
- Oh, it's you.

- What are you screeching about?
- An invasion.

- Right in our neighbourhood.
- Your mother's back?

In the Stephens' back yard.

I'd rather have her over there
than here.

It's not my mother.
It's a flying saucer.

- You know what I think?
- What?

I think your curlers are wound
too tight.

All right. You don't have
to believe me.

- I'm gonna call the Air Force.
- I gave up Sophia for this.

- Where's Aunt Clara?
- She's still asleep.

Asleep? Sam, it's after 8:00.

We've gotta do something about
that saucer before everyone sees it.

The doorbell. What do we do now?

Relax, sweetheart.
We're not Bonnie and Clyde.

I'll get it.

I don't know why you just don't go
around back and peek at the saucer.

Mrs. Kravitz, the Air Force
doesn't peek.

It investigates.

- Yes? Who is it?
- It's Mrs. Kravitz.

I've got to talk to you.

Well, I'm sorry, Mrs. Kravitz,
but I'm all out of sugar.

It's not about sugar, Mrs. Stephens.

It's about your flying saucer.

She knows. What will we tell her?

Why not say it's
for an ad campaign?

Wait a minute. Why not say it's
for an ad campaign?

- I just said that.
- That's where I heard it.

Hello, Mrs. Kravitz.

Why, Mrs. Kravitz, I didn't know
you had sons in the service.

Very amusing, Mr. Stephens.

This just happens
to be Colonel Burkett...

and Captain Tugwell
of the Air Force.

Oh, is our TV antenna up
a little too high?

Oh, no, Mrs. Stephens,
but your neighbour claims she saw...

a flying saucer in your back yard.

A flying saucer? You mean
the thing in the back yard?

Well, I'm in the ad game, colonel,
and I built that flying saucer...

to publicize a new space toy.

- Space toy?
- It's very authentic-looking.

You don't mind if we take a look,
do you?

Of course not. Right this way.

Gosh, it sure looks real to me.

Well, that's quite a compliment,
captain...

coming from an expert like you.

What's it made of, Stephens?

Just odds and ends.

Colonel, the Air Force should know
about this.

We are the Air Force.

- I'm sorry, Uncle Charlie.
- Tugwell, I got you in the Air Force.

If you don't stop
with the "Uncle Charlie"...

- I will get you in the infantry.
- Golly, Mom said...

Tugwell.

It doesn't look like a toy to me.

Say, did you bring a photographer?

- Would you like to take pictures?
- Yes. This promotion can use...

- all the publicity it can get.
- I'm sorry, Stephens.

This won't get any publicity
from us.

As far as the Air Force is concerned,
this investigation is closed.

Come along, Tugwell.

- Wait a minute. Don't leave.
- Bye-bye, Mrs. Kravitz.

It looks to me like the ones
in uniform are dangerous.

Maybe the other ones are friendly.

We might as well find out.
We can't stay in here forever.

Good idea. You go.
I'll guard the ship.

Open the hatch, Orvis.

Boy, that was
some pretty fancy footwork.

I'll go wake up Aunt Clara, and this
toy will be back to normal in no time.

Samantha!

Oh, my stars.

How do you expect me to feel,
with a real flying saucer...

with real spacemen
sitting in my back yard?

You don't realize what's happened.

Your Aunt Clara topped herself.

She started an invasion
from outer space.

Now, Darrin, it's not an invasion
from outer space.

Aunt Clara's spell just went wrong.

See, she's working
on the counter-spell.

Sure.

I think I'll go into the kitchen
and get a cup of coffee.

Sam.

Honey, I think you're taking
this too lightly.

This is a spaceship
from an alien planet.

I know.

- Cute, isn't it?
- I'm reporting this to the Air Force.

What do we do now, Alpha?
He wants to turn us in.

She hasn't lost the argument yet.
We'll just wait.

- How long can we wait?
- Will you please...

stop arguing so I can hear
them arguing?

Whatever is in there may be mad
for being wrenched...

out of space into our back yard.

Who's mad? I'm not mad.

- Are you mad, Alpha?
- Not me.

Darrin, I just know they're friendly.

There's only one way to prove it.
I'm going to coax them out here.

- Sam, I wouldn't think of permitting...
- Don't worry, sweetheart.

If they show any signs of meanness,
I'll just pop back to you.

- But, Sam...
- Worrywart.

Sam? Sam, where are you?

- That's right. Where is she?
- Here I am.

How...? How did she do that?

If they're that far advanced,
we don't stand a chance.

Well, I'm glad you speak
our language.

At least we won't have
any communication problem.

My name is Samantha.

We're from the planet Parenthia.
And don't you dare come any closer.

Before we put our N-g*ns away,
I'd like to know where we are...

- and how we got here.
- Well, you are on the planet Earth.

And the way you got here...

Well, you see, my aunt is a witch.

- A what?
- No, stupid, not a "what," a "which."

Are you sure you don't mean
a "who"?

It is a little complicated.

But the important thing is
you want to go home, right?

Good. Now, put away your g*ns.

These are only N-g*ns.

That's right.
N stands for "niceness."

It wouldn't hurt you.
It'd just make you friendly.

But I'm already friendly.

That's right, stupid.
She's on our side.

It's the one with the funny ears
who's mean.

He's really a very nice fellow.

Look, why don't you two come
into the house...

and I'll fix you
a nice hot breakfast...

and we can learn more
about each other.

- Well...
- Cross my heart, fellas.

I will not take you to my leader.

Okay, open up in there!

Darrin, I'd like you to meet our guests
from the planet Parenthia.

Show them how friendly the natives
can be, sweetheart.

Welcome to our planet, gentlemen.

Well, he certainly has changed
his tune.

I think the atmosphere is all right
for us.

My nose is still cold.

How can you just sit there?

You were right, Mrs. Kravitz.

There is something funny
going on around here.

Our radar tracking shows...

that something streaked
to Earth in this area.

And if my hunch is right,
I'll be wearing oak leaves.

That figures. This place is getting
squirrelier by the minute.

Floppy ears. My, my.

I thought spacemen
had pointed ears.

She means like my cousin Rondo.

You remember?
The one that had the ear job.

So you say you descended
from apes, eh?

Well, that's believable.

Sam, I'm gonna call the Air Force.

Sweetheart, he's right,
relatively speaking.

I know, but it's the way he said it.

Alpha, don't be a snob.

After all, our ancestors
walked on all fours too.

Would you like to see a picture
of my family?

Oh, I'd love to.

- Is that your wife?
- Yes.

And those are the twins,
Yip and Yap.

This is the first time I've been away.

She's going to be howling mad.

But you know,
I kind of miss her whining.

Sweetheart, I keep thinking
how I'd feel if we were separated.

I guess you're right, honey.
It wouldn't be fair to keep them here.

But what about...?

Wait a minute. I have an idea.

Aunt Clara, wasn't Tabatha with you
when you cast the spell?

Well, yes. That's it.

Well, of course. Why do you ask?

She might remember
some of the words.

Come on. Let's go upstairs.

What is it?

They never covered anything like
this in Officer's Candidate School.

Let me take a look.

Okay, but wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

You mean to tell me
that your planet Earth...

is 250 trillion miles
from Parenthia?

Boy, you're really out
in the boondocks, aren't you?

So that's what they've been up to.

Isn't there some kind of law
against harbouring space people?

Wait till Uncle Charlie sees this.

He'll never be able to call me
a ding-a-ling again.

Come on. I've gotta use your phone.

You go. I'm not budging
from this spot.

All right. But keep out of sight.

This is so exciting.

You fellas better wait in the ship.
That way you'll be ready.

Orvis, you wouldn't want to forget
the syrup.

Thank you. Pancakes without syrup
is ridiculous.

Halt!

- I'm making a citizen's arrest.
- Mrs. Kravitz.

I knew there was something weird
about your family.

You're an advanced unit
from another planet.

Now, Mrs. Kravitz,
you're just excited.

You're not gonna get away with it.

Captain Tugwell has contacted
Colonel Burkett...

and the Air Force is on their way
here right now.

And you'll be captured
and put where you belong.

Boy, this one is really begging
for a sh*t of niceness.

Hello, Mr. Stephens.

Aren't you going to introduce me
to your adorable companions?

Why, certainly, Mrs. Kravitz.

This is Alpha and Orvis,
some actor friends of ours.

They're with the Parenthian Players.

Well, they're just the cutest,
most adorable...

loveable little angels
I've ever met.

Tell me about yourself, precious.

I liked her better the other way.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going
to pick some flowers for my husband.

He's been so understanding.

Okay, boys, into the ship.

The Air Force is on its way.
Where are the spacemen?

Spacemen?
There aren't any spacemen.

Care for a flower?

Sweetheart, Tabatha
remembered part of it.

"Night" and "sight."

Don't worry, boys.
It should be any minute now.

- Let's hope so. I hate long goodbyes.
- Come on, dummy.

I don't want to rush you,
Aunt Clara...

but I think those sirens are for us.

Yes, light, fright.

- No, night and sight. Night and sight.
- Night and sight.

This better not be another
false alarm.

Wait'll you see them.
They've got floppy ears.

They're in back. Come on.

Shane, stick with the car radio,
just in case, huh?

Springer, you go around
the other way.

I'll give it one more chance.

Flying saucer from out the night

All right. Nobody move.
You're all my prisoners.

Return ye now and leave my sight

Okay, Tugwell, where are your space
people with the long, floppy ears?

Okay, Stephens, where did you hide
the spacemen?

- Spacemen?
- What spacemen?

You saw them, Mrs. Kravitz.

The little men with the floppy ears,
remember?

Oh, you mean those actors.

It's not very nice of you
to make fun of them.

None of us is perfect, captain.

Here, colonel, have a tulip.

Tugwell, you're gonna love it
in the infantry.

But, Uncle Charlie, Mom said
that you were gonna...

Oh, Aunt Clara.
Oh, you were wonderful.

Oh, dear. Thank you, darling.

Wasn't she wonderful, Darrin?

I don't know what's so wonderful
about giving my ulcer an ulcer.

I don't think that's very nice.

After all, Aunt Clara got rid
of the saucer for us, didn't she?

That's true. She got rid of it,
all right...

but let's not lose sight of the fact...

that it was Aunt Clara
in the first place who...

- You were wonderful, Aunt Clara.
- Oh, thank you, Darrin.

Thank you, Darrin. Oh, darling.

You know, something good could have
come from this experience.

- What's that?
- If we had asked...

I bet they would have left one
of their niceness g*ns.

Who knows? It might even work
on your mother.

Darrin.

Well...