04x23 - Get Along, Little Zombie

[bunniefuu]

Do you see Mason anywhere?
Every day this week he's accidentally run into me

as I was getting on the elevator, to talk
about us getting back together, again.

Maybe he's hiding...

from these fresh,
delicious T-bone steaks!

No, he's not here.

Stick me with a spur,
it's Russo and Finkle!

What are you two doing in my building?

We live here, right up on the...

No, we, uh, don't, Harper.

Our building just looks like this building.

Oh. Right.

Yeah, and sometimes we
confuse it with this one,

in case you ever see us here again.

We just came by to say hello.

Hello.

And goodbye.

Then why do you have groceries?

Well... they're gifts.
For you.

Odd gift choice, Russo.

T-bone steaks!
My favorite cut of the cow!

Tell you what? Why don't you
come on up for a visit?

We'd love to Mr. Laritate.
We have to go buy those exact same gifts for us.

No, I insist. Come on up
and I'll show you how to keep

a Shetland pony as a pet...

without anyone knowing.

I don't know.

Are you gonna ride it?

"Am I going to ride it?"

I'm gonna jump the couch!

Well, we have to see that.

Oh, no. Uh, uh...
The elevator just broke.

That's funny, I was just on it.

Shh, I won't tell anyone you did it.

All right, we're gonna have to
hoof it up the stairs.

We can rest halfway.

I live all the way up on the second floor.

♪ Everything... ♪

♪ is not... ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

♪ Seems ♪

♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ And the end will no doubt justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

Ha-Ha-ha!
It's here! It's here!

Oh, I got it!

El Chile Diablo.

From the jungles of South America.

I'm gonna make chili for this
year's Waverly Place Frontier Days.

It's gonna have people coming
back to the Sub Station for more.

Isn't that what our
sandwiches are supposed to do?

Yeah well, that ship sailed years ago.

A good, spicy chili is gonna
make this place memorable.

OK, well whatever you do, just be careful,

'cause those are super-hot, they'll
burn your skin on contact.

Oh, please. Justin, I know how
to handle a little chili pepper.

Mr. Justin...
Hey, Mr. Justin's dad.

It's touching my skin!

It's burning!

I'm on fire!

It's always good to see your dad.

Mr. Justin,
I need your help.

You know something?
I've been secretly hoping the day would come

when one of my former students came
to me and asked me for my guidance.

I'm touched.
What do you need, friend?

I think I broke my wand.
You idiot!

That's the most powerful wand
in the wizard world!

I don't know what happened.
I went to bed last night and it was fine.

When I woke up this morning,
it wasn't working.

It's a fake.
How can you tell?

I don't know a wizard wand
that takes double-A batteries.

Well, then where's my wand?
I hate to say this, Felix,

but I think someone switched
this fake wand with your wand,

the most powerful wand in the wizard world.

No! Why would somebody
do something like that?

Hmm. I don't know, maybe because it's the
most powerful wand in the wizard world!

And this is the lounge area.

Now, we don't have a lot of zombies here,

so I'm gonna have to ask you to clean
up any rotting flesh you leave behind.

Oh, hey girls. This is Abercrombie
Zombie, your new neighbor.

He's "dying" to live here.

It's... a zombie.
Oh, I'm terrible at jokes.

Oh, hi, it's nice to meet you...

Oh, my gosh!
I'm so sorry!

He says it's OK.
It happens all the time.

You can speak Zombie?
It's called "Zombish."

Every wizard learns it when they're little.

He says your brains smell cute and tasty.

Oh. Why, thank you.

Um... Why don't I show you
the laundry room?

Now, no offense...

but you might want to throw
in a load as soon as possible.

Hi, Alex.

I have not been sitting here
waiting for you all day.

Why would you accuse m?

I haven't even said anything yet.

Oh, gravy boat! I skipped ahead on
my rehearsed encounter with you.

This is gonna be another awkward
relationship talk, isn't it?

You know what?
I'm just gonna stay here.

Wha...? Don't you leave me
alone with him, Harper Finkle!

Hi, Mason.

Alex, I've made a list of the pros and cons

of us getting back together.

Well, I mean, I listed the pros.
There were no cons.

Sh! Mason, quiet down.
This is my jam.

Alex, please.
Listen to me.

This time in the elevator
is the only one-on-one time.

I get to spend with you.
♪ Do, do, do, doo, do, do ♪

Alex, please, listen to me!

Mason, what are you doing?

I'm trying to stop us, so I can
get a few minutes with you.

Stop it, you're gonna break it!

Like that.

Hello!
Hello.

The elevator works perfectly.

If it doesn't, I had nothing to do with it.

What are you talking about?

Um, I think that's a little personal.

Run!
Yeah.

How rude.

That's why I refuse
to see my grandchildren.

That's strange.

Since when did this building
get a th floor?

Check your pockets again.

Nope. Still gone.

OK. Here's the first batch
of Chili Diablo.

Who wants to try? Not now, Dad.
We have a big problem.

Felix's wand is missing.

Oh. Have you tried the
Abraca-doodler's Wand Locator App?

See, every wand has a security beacon

that shows you its exact location on a map.

Felix, just punch in your security code.

Oh, great, my wand is still in New York.

It's moving around
the building like it's flying.

Ooh, or the building
is flying around the wand.

Yeah, you're right, it's probably the wand.

Something's weird.
I'm calling Professor Crumbs.

Good idea.

Are you sure you guys
don't want to try the chili?

What's going on?
The th floor button was exposed

and the non-wizard tenants
have been coming up.

What are we gonna do?
Oh, no.

I bet it happened when
you banged on the buttons.

Don't try to pin this on me.
I just wanted to talk about our relationship.

Excuse me. We all came
up here to find out

where this mysterious th floor came from.

And who is that stinky freak

grunting in the corner? Whoo!

What have you done? Exposing
this floor could ruin my plans!

What plans?
Oh, it's all falling apart!

Dexter, calm down.
I'll handle this.

OK! Everybody,
listen up. Um...

There is a simple
explanation for all of this.

You accidentally discovered
the secret haunted house

that Dexter has been planning
for all of you. You spoiled it!

I hope you're happy.

I love a good haunted house.

I hope they have a costume contest.

I still fit into my saucy kitty outfit.

OK, everyone, please
forget you ever saw this,

and do not tell anyone.

OK, Dexter. We don't want
to spoil the surprise.

Let's go, everybody.
Yeah, that's right.

Everybody out! Keep your arms, legs, feet,
hands and toes inside the elevator.

And just ignore that little
th floor button.

Yeah, uh-huh,
thank you. Buh-bye.

I'm sorry, Dexter. I'll be very careful
with the elevator buttons from now on.

You better.

Because of you, I gotta
make plans for a haunted house.

All right, you guys better fix the
elevator before somebody else comes up.

Of course.

Finkle? Russo?

The British buckaroo?

Mr. Laritate, why are you
dressed like that?

For the Frontier Days square dance.

The big question is...

What are you all doing
on this mysterious th floor?

You know, I've spent years thinking there
was something strange about you, Russo.

Now I see you with...
Zombie Guy, and...

Weird Ears...

hands out of a trash chute!

Yes, because this is a haunted house.

Haunted house, my caboose.

It's more like a weird,
parallel magic universe,

and you're somehow a part of it.

He's onto us.
Somebody do something.

Abercrombie, what did you do?

Mr. Laritate, are you OK?

You should never say, "Somebody do
something," with a zombie in the room.

Hurry up and find a spell that will turn Mr.
Laritate back.

I'm running out of bathroom spray.

Will you put that away, Harper?

It smells like a springtime
fresh cemetery in here.

We need more than a first aid kit.

He's a sneeze away from losing his face.

Wait, it's zombie bite ointment.

Excellent. This should
change him back.

Perfect, we'll just slap some of
this goop on old Laritate and...

Where's Zombie Laritate?

He's gone.
We have to go find him!

Where would Zombie Laritate go?

Oh! The Waverly Place
Frontier Days.

Even as a zombie, Laritate
wouldn't miss a good square dance.

Oh, right, let's go.

Uh, you... stay here and
think about what you did.

You're a bad zombie. Bad!

Professor Crumbs, what are you doing?

I'm looking to see how big my eye can be.

Felix, when was the last
time you used your wand?

I used it last night in my
apartment to clip my toenails.

You used the most powerful
wand in the wizard world

to clip your toenails?!

Well, the wand clips them very evenly.

Felix, I didn't know
you had your own apartment.

Mm-hm. I live on the wizard
floor, down at the Windsor.

Impossible. There are no
wizard floors at the Windsor.

Yeah, there is. I live right
across the hall from Alex.

A bunch of wizards live there.

You didn't know about the wizard floor?

I'm starting to get a bad feeling
about this, Professor Crumbs.

Indeed. We'd better
investigate that wizard floor.

OK, but before you do,

could you guys flash me in,
like, five minutes before you,

so I can pick my undies up off the floor?

Ladies and gentlemen, the keeper of the
most powerful wand in the wizard world.

♪ Bow to your rooster ♪

♪ Then bow to your hen ♪

♪ And cluck with the chickens
in the big ol' pen ♪

♪ Do the right hand first ♪

♪ Then left hand through ♪

Whoa!

Whoa, Herschel, are you OK?

You don't look so good.

You're attracting flies!

Um... Good zombie cowboy
costume, Mr. Laritate!

Yeah. A clever twist on
a stale Western tradition.

Oh, zombie cowboy, I see!

Always keeping it fresh, huh, Herschel?

♪ Raise your gal up
off the ground ♪

♪ Now, watch your step
There's chickens around ♪

Alex, what did you do?
It's OK, Dad.

Mason's going to rub some
zombie bite ointment on him.

I never agreed to the rubbing.

You can't dot now.
Everyone will see the transformation.

Well, maybe we can get him
into the Sub Station.

That's usually pretty empty.

That's a good idea, Harper.
Let's go get him.

Folks, let's give
a big ol' "Yee-haw"

to the young'uns joining our shindig!

Yee-haw!

No, no, no, no, no, no,
we're just getting our friend.

No, no, no. No one steps
on my floor without dancin'.

Now, keep up, 'cause Everett slows
down his do-Si-dos for nobody.

See how fast I said "do-Si-dos"?

Five, six, seven, eight...

♪ Circle to the left
around you now ♪

♪ Circle to the right
like you're herding a cow ♪

Hey, look at me, I'm square dancin'!

♪ Do-Si-do, then
stack that wood ♪

And I'm a British guy square dancin'!

♪ Now swing that gal
like you know you should ♪

Yee-haw!

♪ Allemande left ♪ We're
pretty good at this, huh?

Oop! Sorry,
maybe not so good.

I got you. ♪ Everyone now be
friends in the middle ♪

♪ And carry your plates... ♪
Guys! Focus!

Zombie 'Tate is creeping people out!

Um... Do the one where
they switch partners!

Whoo! Looks like
we got a fan, folks!

Five, six, seven, eight!

♪ Into the middle
where it's stock the hay ♪

♪ Then trade your partner
in a right-hand way ♪

♪ Now, grab that lady
by the arm ♪

♪ And show her around
that great big farm ♪

♪ There's a horse, there's a
cow, there's a chicken... ♪

Uh-oh.

Uh... Free El Diablo Chili
to all square dancers!

What? Free? I paid
dollars for that pepper!

I need a distraction.
El Diablo? Sounds exotic.

I gotta try me some of that.

Oh! My eyes are burning!

It's a Diablo!
It's too spicy!

Go, Alex, go!

It's OK, zombie.

It's just medicine.
We're helping you.

Where am I?
What happened?

That depends.
What do you remember last?

I was in my apartment building...

Great. We'll
start there. Um...

We found you wandering
around your building.

Yes, and you were sick and out of it.

Do you remember any
of this, Mr. Laritate?

I was on my way to Frontier Days...

Yes, yes!
Yes, and you are here!

So why don't you get out there
and start square dancing?

Land sakes, they've already started?!

I hope they haven't danced
the Topeka Two Step yet.

That's my big finishing move.

There you go.
Yee-haw, Laritate!

That man loves to square dance.

I'd have to say I quite enjoyed it as well.

Well, maybe because you
had such a good partner.

I did.

Listen, Alex...

I know I'm caught up in the moment,
and you don't want to hear this...

Oh. I was just gonna talk
about our relationship.

Not that I didn't love that...

a lot, actually.

But wait, what happened
to us being just friends?

Well, running around with you today

made me realize something.

We can't stay broken up.

We're too good together.

Yippie-ki-ay!

And now we're broken up again.

I don't understand.

According to my records,
this floor should not exist.

No, I don't want to be your roommate!

Good news, everybody. Mason
and I are back together. Yay!

Why is nobody clapping?
I won't be walking the hallways moping anymore.

Justin, what are you doing here?

Professor Crumbs thinks we should all leave.
Like, right now.

Yes. It would be in
everyone's best interest

to get as far away
from this place as possible.

I sense a great evil at work here.

I know this is getting
a little long-winded,

but I can't stress enough that we
have to get out of this building.

He's an Angel of Darkness!

That's right. And I'm here
to collect your rent.

Just kidding.
You can keep the rent.

That's Felix's wand!
You stole Felix's wand! It was you?

Felix, you can have your wand back and so
much more if you do what I ask of you.

Don't you want your wand back?

Without it, you're just another delinquent.

Felix, what are you doing?
I'm joining the dark side.

Felix, do this spell

my robot stole from the Russos' Lair.

That was your robot?

Felix, don't do it.
Be strong!

Make these troubles no more,
go in through the out door.

OK. Come on, everybody.
We've gotta get out of here.

Let's take the stairs!

It's no use, Justin.

He cast the "In Through
the Out Door" spell.

We're all trapped here?

Yes you are.

Never mind.
Just look at the evil wings.

♪ Grab that partner
Don't be tense ♪

♪ Move in a way
that makes no sense ♪

Free chili!
Get your free chili!

I'd love a free bowl of chili.

The lifeblood of
the American plains people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, just eat it.

Fire in the hole!

That is one hot chili!
Give me some water.

That'll be ten dollars.

For water?

Fine, I'll pay anything to get
rid of this burn in my mouth.

This could work.

Free chili!
Get your free chili!

♪ Back on home
for dinnertime ♪