02x14 - Five Easy Pieces of Libby

[bunniefuu]

I've done it.

I'm on the verge of one
of the greatest scientific breakthroughs

in the history of mankind.

How incredible.
Are you gonna finish that toast?

You know that formula
I've been working on?

- I've found the key ingredient.
- Liquorice?

Don't be silly, Sabrina.
Liquorice won't cure allergies.

It's ostrich saliva.

The hard part is getting them to drool.
Let me see that. Oh!

Wow.

One drop of that and the whole kitchen
is spotlessly clean.

I'll say.
The walls, the table, the counters--

- Salem.
- I'm blond.

My IQ just dropped points.

Blond, blond, blond. Dead.

See you.

What's all the flap?

I got a postcard from Valerie.
She's really enjoying her trip to D.C.

"Hi, everyone,
I visited the Vietnam Memorial,

the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier,
and J.F.K.'s grave.

This place is really fun."

Sounds like a big loser town to me.

I have an important announcement
to make.

The school will be entering a float

in the town's
Democracy Daze celebration.

Great, I get to hear
my dad's Grenada story again.

Now, who would like to be in charge
of putting the float together?

Oh, my.

Well, I think this
would be the perfect opportunity

for the two of you to embody
our democracy's two-party system

and work together.

What?

Libby.
I've got a great idea for the float.

I say we display
some of our major headlines

using recycled newspaper.

No, no, no.

The newspaper print would
get all over the cheerleaders' uniforms.

Why would cheerleaders be on a float
with a newspaper theme?

They're always on the front page,
duh.

What?

Man, this house is so spotless
and germ-free,

Howard Hughes could live here.

Zelda, if we could market this stuff,
we'd make a fortune.

Good luck. The FDA
will never approve of ostrich saliva.

Those pencil-pushing bureaucrats
have ruined many a dream.

Well, we could still sell it
in the Other Realm.

- What do you say, Zeldie?
- No.

I made this formula to cure allergies
and end suffering,

not to whiten.

You ever cleaned a toilet?
That's suffering.

Besides, you said
it didn't even cure allergies.

Yet.

Medical breakthroughs take time.
Get off my back.

This is why
Pasteur broke up with you.

He told me he had to work out stuff
with his mother.

You gotta hand it to Zelda.
She's a pillar of integrity.

Yeah. Let's steal her formula.

The school guidelines state

that the float is required
to have flowers.

- The rest of the design is up to me.
- Don't you mean "us"?

Well, I'll be using "me"
as shorthand for "us."

I've already got the floral design
in my head.

Oh. Well, I'm glad
your butt is working.

Oh, I'll be using "butt"
as shorthand for "your head."

The coast is clear.

Operation Find the Allergy Formula
That Also Cleans,

Don't Get Caught,
And Make a Lot of Money

is under way.

You start looking, and I'll start working
on a shorter code name. Ha-ha.

Aah! Harvey.
What are you doing under there?

Souping up the engine.

This baby will be able
to go miles an hour.

But we're behind
the World w*r II veterans.

Haven't they suffered enough?

Perfect.

Libby, we agreed
this would be my side.

Oh. I'm sorry.

I thought we wanted the float
to look nice.

- Found it.
- Hallelujah.

What in the Other Realm's name
is going on here?

- Lost my wallet?
- She's telling the truth, I swear.

And now that I've found it, Salem and I
will just get back to work and clean up.

Are we ever gonna clean up. Ha-ha.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Libby, leave my side alone.

Sorry, I will not allow the town
to be subjected to this.

That's it, I can't take it anymore.

To keep us out of each other's faces
Keep Libby away at least five paces

And, Sab-- Ooh!

[SHRIEKS]

I said "cheerful"
and you picked yellow?

Me and my finger.
Now, that's teamwork.

- What are you doing here?
- I'm the spell police.

The distance spell
you put on Libby is illegal.

- Why?
- Because you can't distance yourself

from your problems.

- Really? Watch.
- Freeze.

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cite you.

"If a distance spell is enacted,
it will be reversed"? Huh?

Instead of Libby
staying away from you,

you have to stay next to Libby.

- What?
- And if you do happen to move

more than five paces away,
something terrible will happen.

Something that will scare you
to the depths of your soul.

Say hi to Libby for me.

You're a disgrace to your badge!

Ew.

You are so right. Ha-ha.

You know,
when I said "Ew" just now,

I wasn't being rhetorical.

Aah...

Satisfied?

You just scared off a cute guy
with your freak pheromones.

Don't you dare look in my locker.

I wasn't. My, uh, new locker's here.

[SHRIEKS]

- Where are you going?
- To cheerleading practise.

Ready, get lost.

Hey, you know, that would make
a good story for the school paper:

"A Day in the Life of a Cheerleader."

But you despise cheerleaders.
And cheerleaders despise you.

You're afraid I'll write a puff piece.

Well, look, don't worry--

Here it comes.

This dungeon stone is white,
but what would you call this one?

- Bright.
- Exactly.

And that's why
for the next minutes,

we'll be telling you how you can
get your house this clean with new...

...Scientist in a Drum.

And now here's Bruce Jenner
to tell you more.

I don't believe it.
You marketed my formula.

And with
a poorly produced informercial.

I'm taking this matter
to the Other Realm copyright court.

[TOASTER DINGS]

The toaster.

"Send me four bottles
of Scientist in a Drum."

"Send ten bottles.
Everything you've got."

These are all orders for our cleanser
from the Other Realm,

after the first minute.

But I wanted this formula
to be used for the common good.

We polled the common good.
They don't wanna be helped.

Come on, Zeldie, we need your help.

Well, I guess if surfaces are clean,
that would mean a lot less dust,

which could mean a lot less asthma.

Exactly. You know,
Mr. Clean was this close

to getting the Nobel Prize.

Come on. What do you say?

All right, I'll do it. For mankind.

Okay, let's do it again.

Sabrina, if you insist
on actually doing the cheers,

you have to stop screaming,
"Please let me die."

Ready.

Okay.

Westbridge, Westbridge
Wow, wow, wow

Stronger, faster, holier than thou

LIBBY:
Whoo! Go Westbridge!

- Harvey.
- Sabrina. Cheerleading?

- I lost a bet.
- Okay, you guys, go take a break.

You can get a drink of water and think
about how you can be more like me.

You wanna go to the Slicery
and grab a bite?

I'd love to. But I promised Libby
I'd sit alarmingly close to her.

Why have you decided
to become my shadow

all of a sudden?

Well, I figured
since we're gonna be working together,

you know, maybe we could
find a common ground.

Any ground I found with you
would indeed be common.

Ha-ha. Ha. You know, um, wait.

I'm just trying
to get to know you better.

Well, I'm popular, confident,
nonfreakish:

everything you're not.

And if you insist
on traipsing after me,

could you at least
wear a higher-quality perfume?

Okay, enough. Nothing is worth this.
I don't care what happens to me.

Libby. Oh, no.

I turned her into a puzzle.
"For ages and up"?

- What's that?
- I didn't do anything.

Oh... I never knew working
with numbers could be so sensual.

- Water. Must have water.
- Well, make it quick.

We need you back in that lab,
making lots more of this stuff.

Come on, chop, chop.

Excuse me,
but since I invented the product,

maybe I should be
running the business.

You seem to assume
that you're in charge.

If you wanna do everything I do,
be my guest.

Okay, exactly what is it you do?

- Plenty.
- Stop fighting. We're rich.

And I didn't have to
marry Martha Raye.

SABRINA:
Aunt Hilda, Aunt Zelda! Help!

ZLEDA: What's the matter?
- Look.

Uh-oh. A Libby puzzle.

- Sabrina, did you blow up a mortal?
- She started it.

I told her something bad would happen
if she stepped away from Libby.

You can't distance yourself
from your problems.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I've heard.
What am I supposed to do?

All the cheerleaders
are expecting her.

I can't tell them their leader
has turned into a rainy-day activity.

You have to assemble her.

- And then she'll be all right?
- If you do it right.

- Help.
- Of course.

Now, try to calm down.

I know making a classmate explode
can be stressful,

but I've always found puzzles
very relaxing.

Is that all there is?

The box is empty.
How can we be missing pieces?

Didn't you read the fine print?

"Some pieces not included in box"?
What a rip-off.

I guess you didn't see this, either.

If you don't find the missing pieces

and put them in
before the sand runs out,

Libby will be a puzzle forever.

- What?
- Boy, in the final analysis,

the Libby puzzle isn't much fun, is it?

How am I to find these pieces?

You have to explore her life,
and quickly.

You know, I bet other teenagers get
to spend their evenings watching TV.

Zeldie, I feel bad.

We should be able to work together
without fighting.

I mean, we are more mature
than Libby and Sabrina.

- I agree. Let's get back to business.
- But I'm still in charge, right?

Aah! Whoever's in charge, get in here,
and bring some Wet-Naps.

Make that a fire extinguisher.

Ugh... Gross.

Well, the piece
isn't in Libby's leftover lunch.

- Only minutes left.
- Will you stop with that?

I'm worried about Libby.
I need to concentrate.

That's good,
because you only have minutes left.

Forty-three fifty.

Ooh--

I'm not finding anything.

Aah! Harvey.
Have you met my friend--?

QUIZMASTER: Invisible.
- My friend Susie?

Remind me
to introduce you sometime.

By the way, um, you didn't happen
to see any jigsaw-puzzle pieces

under there, did you?

No. But to tell you the truth,
I was taking a nap.

There's something really soothing
about being under an engine,

but I don't know what it is.

QUIZMASTER: The fumes?
- Shh... Sure gotta go. Ha.

We're down to about a half an hour.

Okay, I admit it.
I like holding up the hourglass.

Maybe the piece
will be in Libby's locker.

I think this one is hers. Ha-ha...

Sabrina,
I hate to interrupt your conversation

with the voices in your head,
but have you seen Libby?

Libby? Uh... No, I haven't.
But don't worry.

I'm sure she'll pull herself together
real soon.

Look. Look at this notebook.

It looks like Libby had a tutor
help her in math.

- Weird.
- Why are you so surprised?

Didn't you know
she was bad at math?

Yeah, but what's surprising
is she cares that she's bad at math.

Sounds like you learned
a little something about Libby.

And here's a piece of the puzzle. Look,
it's got Libby's address on the back.

Well, might I suggest we go there?

- Especially since we--
- Oh, get a hobby.

I don't care.

I don't want Marge in my bridge club.
She's a kook.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Have you seen
what she calls furniture? Ew.

Hold on.

- Mrs. Chessler?
- Yes.

Hi, I'm Sabrina.

I'm a friend of Libby's,

and I left a book here
that I came to pick up

- that time when you weren't here.
- Mm-hm.

I don't care.
I don't want Marge in my house.

You're not exactly
on my A list either, kook.

Well, I can see where Libby
gets her meanness from.

Exactly.

And I believe that would be
another piece to the puzzle.

Are you gonna cry?
Because I'll hang up.

Oh, I was just reminding you
that we're--

I'm still here.

I'll just go get that book now.

SABRINA: Told you that one
was the bathroom. Let's try this one.

Yup, this is Libby's room, all right.

- But where do we start?
- Check the last piece of the puzzle.

Uh... "One of these things
is not like the other."

[SINGING] One of these things
Just doesn't belong

Can you guess...?

At least
I'm not holding up the hourglass.

Well, when it comes to photography,
Libby has really specific tastes.

But what stands out?

Look. This frame is purple.
All the others are gold.

And there's something on the back.

"Buy gold frames,
get one purple frame free."

- Yeah, now only ten minutes left.
- I know. But we can't panic.

If we're gonna find the puzzle piece,

we have to be
painstakingly methodical.

I have a feeling Libby's gonna know
someone was in her room.

You think?

I swear, even as a puzzle,
Libby's getting on my nerves.

Wait a minute.

This one thing
is definitely not like the others.

Looks like
we found a sweet grandmother.

Look at the note. "Dear, dear Libby:
Sweet of you to take me to the ballet.

Your birthday, it'll be you and me
on the roller coaster of your choice.

Love, Grandma."

This is it.
And there's nothing on the back.

This has gotta be the last piece.
Let's go home.

Wait a minute, I'll zap us back.
We only have a few minutes left.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

MRS. CHESSLER: Is everything okay?
- Oh, no, the room.

- Did you find that book?
- Just now.

- And here it is.
- Good.

Do you wanna stay and see Libby?
You can wait in the garage.

- Don't do it. She'll turn on the car.
- No, thank you.

Okay, but we're expecting her
any minute.

Really? Then I better hurry.
I mean go.

[SHRIEKS]

And this is the piece
that came out of her tutoring notebook.

She must consider poor math skills
her Achilles' heel.

This is the one
that came off her mother.

Oh. That must be her cold shoulder.

And this is the one that came
from her grandmother's picture.

I know where this goes.

Her heart.

Oh, no, there's still a piece missing.
And time just ran out.

Don't worry,
that piece doesn't exist yet.

It's Libby's compassion for others.

Now, you have to gradually
fill that space

by showing compassion for Libby
even when she doesn't show it for you.

In other words,
learn to work together.

- I get it.
- Mm-hm.

And by the way, could this lesson
be any more heavy-handed?

Well, I could've been behind a pulpit.
See you.

What is going on?
What am I doing here?

Oh, you just came by
to see if I needed a ride.

- I don't.
- I would not.

I'm getting out of here.

Uh, wait, Libby.

- Are you okay?
- I'm fine.

Once again, weirdness reigns
whenever "Safreakna's" around.

Oh, yeah, sympathy for Libby.
Piece of cake.

You know, Libby, I have to admit,

your side of the float
is looking pretty good.

I'm glad you're willing
to state the obvious.

Oh, well, I...

I'm going to accept that
as a compliment.

Then you could use a dictionary.

Libby, um, I could use some help
with my crepe paper.

I have a box of matches.

But it's just that I wanted to get done
this weekend

so I could, uh, visit my grandma.

Oh.

Well, I would hate for part of the float
to look like you did it.

- Okay, I'll help.
- Thanks.

You know, Libby,
sometimes you're a real puzzle.

No talking.

Zelda, we have a problem.

Come, now,
don't let the pressure get to you.

A strong business
requires a strong stomach.

I'm gonna be sick.

It turns out your cleanser
is more versatile than we thought.

It not only cleans,
it also turns people into mutants.

Well, how do you know
that happens to everyone? What if--?

- Gross.
SALEM: Help!

Oh...

People are demanding
their money back.

And I already put a down payment
on a condo in Florida.

- This is all your fault.
- My fault?

I'm not the one
who invented an allergy cure

and then tried to pawn it off
as a cleanser.

- I never should've--
- I cannot be held responsible--

You corrupted me
with your supply-side economics.

- You just--
- Hey! You guys.

Why can't we learn to get along?

Sabrina learned to get along
with Libby.

You're right.

- Thanks.
- I mean this with all of my love:

Don't touch me.

Libby, Sabrina,

I just want to thank you both
for working together

and doing such a good job.

I love the way
you took two different themes

and integrated them together.

My idea.

You don't have to let her
take the credit.

I've met her mother.

Hey, Sabrina.
How's it going with Libby?

Well, I'm beginning to understand her,
yet I still wanna wring her neck.

- It's the best of both worlds.
- Cool.

Say, do you mind
if I hang around for a bit?

- I've never been on a float before.
- Oh, that's sweet.

And you just happen to be
in the middle

of my "Agents of Destruction"
video game.

Oh, no. Fire in the hole!

[CHUCKLES]

Well, I have to admit,
you were right, Aunt Hilda.

Jigsaw puzzles are really relaxing.

It's the perfect way
to wile away a rainy afternoon.

The fact that it's sunny
and unseasonably warm outside

takes nothing away from the fun.

You know, Sabrina, I don't think
I told you this, but in my opinion,

your Democracy Daze float
was the best.

Thanks. It did turn out great.

It's going to stand as a monument
to your creative talent

and democratic spirit.

Not really.
When we got back to the school,

the engine Harvey
had been working on blew up

and the whole thing burned
to the ground.

Ever reminding us
that democracy is a fragile thing.

Just a few more pieces left.

This puzzle's pretty easy,

considering the subject
is so hard to live with.

SALEM: Hurry up and finish
my nose. I need to sneeze.

[SALEM SNEEZES]