05x06 - The Halloween Scene

[bunniefuu]

There! A finished jack-o-lantern. With a seriously deviated septum!

Hey, you guys are just in time to carve pumpkins with me.

And you’re about twelve years too late. I haven’t carved a pumpkin since I was...six.

Miles, you’ll carve a pumpkin with me, right?

And perpetuate one of the most ridiculous, bogus holidays ever invented by man?

I’ll take that as a no. I can’t believe you’re dissing Halloween, the same guy who sits in his room waiting to be picked up by aliens.

That’s not true. I contact them from my room, I wait on the roof.

Well, I guess it’s just you and me Jack.

I’m up for some fun baby, let’s grab a bottle of Colt forty-five and put on some Luther.

Don’t mess with me, Jack!

I hope the rest of you saw that.

IBM down an eighth? I’m going to scratch out Greenspan’s eyes.

Hey everybody, I’m home.

Sabrina, what are you doing here?

Oh, your favourite niece can’t just drop by and say hello?

How much laundry have you got?

Three bags. But I’ve also got good news. This Halloween I’m going to spend the holiday with you guys.

You’re what?

You can’t!

Nothing like being embraced in the bosom of your family on the most special day of the year.

Bosom, you said bosom.

I’m sorry Sabrina, it’s just that you’re never interested in spending the holiday with us, so we made other plans.

We got invited to the Other Realm for the ultra exclusive opening of a new galaxy.

Oh, that sounds fun and Halloweenie. Do you think you can wangle me an invitation?

Get a clue sister, you and I are persona non-grata. They’re gonna abandon us on Halloween. Quick! Someone say bosom.

I suppose we could cancel if you want us to.

Oh no, no, no, you guys go ahead. No I’ll just hang out with Miles and wait for the mother-ship to beam us up.

Say hi to the Android sisters for us. Let’s go and figure out what to wear to the galaxy opening.

Oh, I am thinking heat resistant metal with a scosh of spandex.

Oh, maybe I’ll wear what I wore to the Shonan Bah mitzvah. They had that Battlestar Galictica theme.

Well at least while I’m doing nothing on Halloween I’ll be wearing clean underwear.

Are you doing delicates? Cause I’ve got a few things to toss in.I’ll do them by hand.

Youknow it’s the weirdest thing, I can’t think of anything but Halloween these days, what’s that about? Oh, I know, I have no life.

And then there’s the whole witch thing.

You know after all these years of rebellion I’m finally ready to embrace the truth. Halloween is in my blood.

Say it loud and say it proud!

Time for me to put on the orange and black and show the world who I am.

Hallelujah, sister!

Amen, brother!

We’re having a party!

I didn’t say that!

Oh, so you’re one of those witches who celebrates Halloween the other way. Staying home and being a loser.

I would love to have a party but Miles and Roxie hate Halloween. It’s amazing the ugly things you learn about people when you live with them.

Which reminds me, aren’t your aunts going out Halloween night? Why don’t you have the party here?

They would never let me have a party here when they’re not home.

Girlfriend, aren’t you learning anything in college? Don’t tell them.

They’d k*ll me if I had a party...I can’t...I couldn’t...I shouldn’t...… Is it too late to send out invitations?

So don’t say anything to my aunt Hilda but I’m going to have a little Halloween celebration for a few of my close friends.

I’m there.

...and that guy I’ve never met before.

I’m always up for a party, in fact I’ve got......seven that night.

Well mine is gonna be great! A classic Halloween celebration with costumes, spooky lighting, bobbing for apples.

Like I said, seven parties is plenty.

Bobbing for apples?

Or pears. You can bring your own fruit, I’m flexible.

Sabrina, when are you gonna' get it? There’s nothing more lame than Halloween, and I know lame.

He’s got you there.

OK, listen up and listen good you "Hallo-whiners", all right. Holidays give us a reason to celebrate. On Christmas we get to put up decorations, on new years we party all night long,

on thanksgiving we eat until we puke but on Halloween we get to do all of those things whilst wearing a silly costume.

It may not mean much to you but it means a lot to me and I expect each and every one of you to show up.

I’ll be there. Where am I going?

To the best Halloween party of all time.

We get to bring our own fruit.

Let me get this straight. Three days before Halloween and you want me to plan the best party of all time?

Well, that’s why I came to the best party planner of all time.

Ooh, a suck up! I like it. To bad it ain’t gonna get you squat.

Look Joyce, I know this is the biggest holiday in the Other Realm but I’m desperate. Can you just give me some monsters?

Let’s see. No monsters but... I can get you a one-way to Phoenix with a connection in Denver.

Let’s call that plan B.

Honey, all I can give you is the basic ghoul package. Not very exciting but it does come with......a free bucket of puss.

Do you have anything a little scarier? That one guy seems scared of me......

Look, I have to kick some major Halloween butt. I have to prove to a house full of sceptics that this holiday rocks.

OK, I’ll tell you what, I’ve got a big fella' who owes me. How about the creature from the black lagoon?

Oh, that won't work. None of our furniture is Scotch guarded.

He loses a lot of gigs that way. Hold the phone! You’ll never guess who just became available.

Frankenstein! That’s perfect. I mean, sure, he’s got a criminal record…

Frank doesn’t normally work on Halloween, he must need the money. Gambling problem.

I’ll take him. and if you have any buddies with massive debts, you know, bring them along.

Okay, the food is hidden, the drinks are on ice, everything’s ready to go...except my aunts.

Aunt Hilda! Aunt Zelda! Hurry up, you’re going to be late for your party!

Obviously not a problem for your guests.

I can’t believe they’re here already. I’ll get it! Go away, you’re early! Sorry, I didn’t mean it! Here! Oh! Sorry again!

Sabrina, we’re leaving!

So soon? I’ll go up and make sure they get to their galaxy warp speed.

Well, have a good time. Stay out as long as you like. Dance 'till those stars burn out.

That’s it?

Sabrina, we spent three hours getting ready for this galaxy opening. Do you have anything to say about our outfits?

Titanium, it’s the new black. Now you crazy kids get out outta here.

Why are you in such a hurry for us to leave?

Oh, well the sooner you leave then the sooner I can throw that wild, crazy party I’ve been planning in secret.

Good one.

OK, now all I have to do is change into my costume and I’m ready.

What a lame get-up. Oh Miss Bo Peep, it seems you’ve lost your sheep.

I haven’t lost him, he’s right here.

Ghe! I can’t pick up college chicks looking like this! On the other hand, I’m so soft a fuzzy...baahhh!

Well I’d say the party’s going pretty darned well, wouldn’t you?

Going well for yours truly. Muffy’s treating me to some heavy petting.

In your dreams lamb-chop.

Sabrina, your cat is adorable, and so friendly.

A little tip. Candy-corn makes him gassy.

Hi guys, having fun?

I’m standing here with Miles, what do you think?

If this is the best party of all time, I’m glad I’m a social outcast.

Come on guys, get in the party spirit. Bob for something.

OK, I’ll bob for the door.

I’ll bob with you.

No wait, wait, wait! Nobody leaves a party at eight fifty-five.

Well, we’re off Sabrina. Thanks, it was really fun.

Then why are you leaving after only twenty minutes?

Why are we leaving after only twenty minutes?

Because we decided it was rude, to leave after fifteen. Thanks Spellman, for the best party of all time.

No, you can’t go! Look, something’s gonna happen any minute now.

What’s gonna happen? You’re gonna bring out the cheese-platter?

I’d say that beats Goudona Trisket.

Hilda, everyone’s gawking at us.

Well of course they are, they can’t believe how fabulous we look.

Sir! Would you mind not staring at my planets? Let’s just play it low-key and try to fit in.

Is this a fabulous new galaxy or what?

This galaxy’s a dump,

Not the party mood.

No, it really is a dump. They built it as a land-fill for all the junk floating around in space.

Are you telling me we got all dressed up to go to a dump?

Say land-fill, it sounds much better.

By any chance could you get me another? Shaken, not stirred.

Sorry, double O Zero. We don’t work here, we’re invited just like everybody else.

Yes, I heard they had to scrape bottom to fill out the guest list. Huh, you know this is nothing like the opening of the Crab Nebula, that was a classy affair.

We weren’t there.

I know.

Euro trash! I always wanted to call someone that.

Do you like the music? It’s funk. Oh, but I guess you prefer rap.

Great costume, I love the fake eye.

That was some grand entrance you made.

I’m better at grand exits. People applaud when I leave.

How’s it going?

He’s not much of a talker. I like that.

Colour me shocked, I would never have put you two together.Hey! Hey! Hey! Let’s keep it clean Cyclops. No flashing!

I can’t figure out how he does that. Sabrina you are the Queen of Halloween.

Aargh, well I prefer to think of myself as humble shepherdess. Excuse me while I tend to my flock.

I’ve gotta hand it to you Spellman, for a girl who still carves pumpkins, you know how to have fun. This is the greatest party of all time.

And you’ve said that before.

Yeah, but this is one of the rare times when I’m being sincere.

How about when you told me I was a great kisser?

We’ll talk.

I’m telling you dudes, forget the Other Realm, this party is raging. Look, call everybody and tell them to get their decaying butts over here. Later.

Why are you leading me towards the bedroom kitty? Do you wanna show me your little mousie?

Trick or treat! Ha-ha!

Joyce must have found a few extra ghouls. Cool! Wow! More ghouls. Great! A hearst load of ghouls. Could be a problem.

Hey! Hey! Hey! Don’t jump on the ottoman. And you! If you’re going to shove devilled eggs up your nose, keep them there.

Hey! Turn it down, you’re k*lling my ears!

Here’s a spare.

Wild party, Sabrina.

Yeah, wa-hoo...

Those ghouls know how to party. They must be find house.

Hey! No juggling the Waterford! This is my aunts house, we must respect their property!

That was a discontinued pattern. I am so dead!

Been there. Still there.

The place is clearing out...and my Jupiter’s all sticky.

It looks like there’s some kind of after-party.

Hey Mr. Nose In The Air, where’s everybody going?

Some place very exclusive. I’m sure I won't see you there.

Isn’t it awful the way people get left out of things?

I’d love to chat but I just got invited to a very exclusive party.Would you mind?

Interesting, at home you won't even pick up a sponge but here…

I’m not cleaning up, I’m going home...but I am taking the mop, I think you’ll really like it.

What happened to the door?

What are all these people doing here?

And why, once again, do I feel overdressed?

Here, this will help.

I mean, what are the odds, going to two different dumps in one night?

Excuse me but this is our dump!

Say land-fill, it sounds much better. And what are you doing here? You...you......meanie!

Meanie?

I was told that a raging soirée was being thrown by someone named Sabrina.

Sabrina?

Sabrina...

This place is a total disaster and......who didn't use a coaster?

A water stain on the piano is the least of your problems, Sabrina.

But it’s the only one I know how to solve.

All right! Everybody out, the parties over! Except you, you’re cute. And...buff.

OK, everybody leave exactly the way you came. Except for Joyce’s people, I have to return you myself.

Joyce’s people? You used the Other Realm Party Planner? Oh, you are in so deep.

Throwing a party behind our backs?

Well, technically I did tell you about the party before you left.

I have half a mind to take away your magic...and the other half to take away your credit card.

And the other half...oh. Sorry.

Look, I know this looks bad...and way over our deductible, but the idea came from a good place.

I was in a good place. Muffy’s lap 'till you two botched it. Luckily she left her scrunchie.

Everybody I know was dissing Halloween and as a witch I felt I should stand up for our holiday. You know, defend our heritage.

Oh, apparently not our stem-wear.

Your intentions may have been noble but your actions were inexcusable. Not only were you sneaky but you mixed mortals with Other Realm creatures without our supervision.

I know, you’re right. I...I don’t know what I was thinking, I wasn’t thinking. I’m really sorry.

Look, before this turns into an after-school special, you should know we’re about to go into overtime.

Could I continue my apology after I get back?

Fine. This mess will be waiting for you...and so will we.

Well you know, if you feel like cleaning up a little before I get back......don’t you dare!Let's go...come on...out.

One ghoul, one pirate, one mummy...wait a minute, the pirate is missing an ear.

Oh, I’ve got it right here. ...Oh don’t mind the gum, a little lighter fluid will take that right off.

Oh, and The Cyclops is also missing a foot.

Oh darn! We were using it to stir the punch!

Unless you find it, I’m going to have to charge you. Now, where’s my Frankenstein?

Frankenstein?

Tall guy, square head, hates fire?

I know who he is, I just don’t know where he is.

Aw! Aw! Aw! Aw! Aw!

See, that wasn’t so bad.

Oh yeah, it’s the last time I use actual meteors in my hair.

Aunt Hilda, Aunt Zelda, have you seen Frankenstein?

Years ago at the drive-in. I always wondered, was there a lot of fog in that movie or just on the windshield?

No, not the movie, the real Frankenstein. I rented him for my party and now I’ve lost him.

You’ve lost a creature from the Other Realm?! You’d better hope he’s still in the house. Hilda, you check the basement, I’ll cover the upstairs.

And I’ll check the kitchen and...the moors.

Salem, have you seen Frankenstein?

Ahh, it was the summer of forty-two. I was having my illicit fling with Eleanor Roosevelt.

No, not the movie, the actual Frankenstein.

He left with Roxie. Looking very cosy I might add.

They left! Why didn’t you stop them?

I was busy!

Doing what?

Playing with my scrunchie.

Roxie, have you seen Frankenstein? And I’m not talking about the movie.

Frankie’s in the bathroom. He’s so cute! I think he needed to ‘Tighten his bolts’

Roxie, you’ve got to forget about this guy. Believe me, he’s not like any guy you’ve ever dated.

I know, that’s what I like about him. He’s off-b*at, quirky, rough around the edges.

Maybe a little too rough. Frank, I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Look, we’ve gotta get you costume back to Joyce’s rental place, now!

Can’t it wait? I was just about to light a fire.

Not a good idea. Come on Frank.

But what about our date? Are we still on for next Saturday?

You’ve got my number!

Aunt Hilda! Aunt Zelda! I’ve found him!

Oh, thank goodness.

He was about to put the moves on Roxie.

Shame on you, you’re a married man!

He’s married?

Of course, to the bride of Frankenstein.

There was a lot of fog in that movie too...or was there?

Hurry up, get in there. Did you use my apricot body splash?

Just what I need. Aunt Hilda! Aunt Zelda! The linen closet isn’t working!

Oh I’ll call Other Realm plumbing and portal. I hope they don’t send that guy with the butt-cr*ck.

Wait, maybe there’s nothing wrong with the closet, maybe someone is refusing to go back.

Sorry, I didn’t get that.

He said the problems with the Mrs.

Well every marriage has problems. That’s no excuse for you to go chasing co-eds.

I’ll handle this. Frankenstein, you’re going to work things out with your wife by hook or by crook.

Oh, so that’s what that thing's for.

Wow! Pretty ratty digs for a movie star.

I heard that his business manager took him to the cleaners.

No wonder he wanted to stay in the mortal realm.

Aunt Hilda, what are they saying?

You’re much too young to hear.

Oh, the manners of those two.

Obviously they’re having trouble communicating. Since Sabrina’s paying the overtime rate, let these two communicate.

Gra'argh...we never go out!

That must be frustrating. I mean you’re here all day doing... you know, whatever it is you monster brides do. Why don’t you take her out to dinner once in a while?

I’m tired when I get home from work. All that walking around with my arms straight out.

Maybe you could try walking with your arms at your sides.And maybe you could try rubbing his shoulders once in a while?

That would be nice. Oh, that’s good.

This is where the fog usually shows up. Oh, why didn’t I bring a date?

Why don’t we stay in tonight?

Mmm, yes...

Shows over, we’re out of here.

Well, we got Frankenstein back to his house, now all you have to do is clean ours.

Of course, but first I have to explain to Roxie why her date for Saturday night isn’t gonna show up. Anybody got a good excuse?

Why don’t you tell her the truth?

What, that I’m a witch and I rented actual monsters for my party and that was the real Frankenstein she was about to cuddle up with?

I meant the other truth.

He’s married?

I’m afraid so.

What’s his wife like?

Oh, shrieky voice, big hair, bad highlights.

I knew he was too good to be true.

I’m sorry, I never should have dragged you to my party.

No, it’s OK. I had fun and so did everybody else. We’re actually looking forward to next Halloween.

Well I guess I accomplished my mission then. I made people appreciate what a meaningful holiday it is.

Look what I found in the punch bowl at your party! I think it’s a real human foot! This is so cool!

Don’t get too attached! It’s rented!

Hi, Sabrina.

Muffy, are you all right? I mean, your message was kind of garbled on my machine, something about a stalker?

I found him pawing through my lingerie drawer.

I’m so sorry. He’s a sick, sick animal. But that’ll all change once I have him fixed.

You...you were just joking, right? Right?

Hey, this isn’t the way home!