03x09 - Incentive

[bunniefuu]

- Previously
on "Good Girls"...

- What's it say?

- They said I took
their stupid pen.

I don't know what you do,

but it doesn't come
from painting nails.

- This right here,
crime jar.

- What is that?
- Happy anniversary.

- No.
One of us has to be good!

- Why?

- Before we get started,
I wanted to introduce you

to Lila.

- I'll see you at home.

- Pack up your desk.
- No.

I'll tell them how you promote
using only your vag*na.

- So what are we gonna do here?

- Gain back his trust.

- Pay someone else
to blow his brains out?

- A professional.
- Max has that cousin.

- He's a former Navy SEAL.
He'll do it.

- Third one this month
out of Detroit.

Car paint?

- Or nail polish.

- Eww.

- It's a woman.

["I Feel Pretty" begins]

- ♪ I feel pretty,
oh, so pretty ♪

♪ I feel pretty
and witty and gay ♪

♪ And I pity
any girl ♪

♪ Who isn't me today

♪ I feel charming,
oh, so charming ♪

♪ It's alarming
how charming I feel ♪

♪ And so pretty

♪ That I hardly
can believe I'm real ♪

♪ See the pretty girl
in that mirror there ♪

♪ Who can that
attractive girl be? ♪

♪ Such a pretty face,
such a pretty dress ♪

♪ Such a pretty smile,
Such a pretty me! ♪

♪ I feel stunning
and entrancing ♪

♪ Feel like running
and dancing for joy ♪

♪ For I'm loved

♪ By a pretty wonderful boy!

♪ I feel pretty,
oh, so pretty ♪

♪ That the city
should give me its key ♪

♪ A committee

♪ Should be organized
to honor me ♪

women:
♪ La la la la la la la la

- ♪ I feel dizzy,
I feel sunny ♪

♪ I feel fizzy
and funny and fine ♪

♪ And so pretty

♪ Miss America
can just resign! ♪

women:
♪ La la la la la la la la la

- ♪ See the pretty girl
in that mirror there ♪

women:
♪ What mirror, where?

- ♪ Who can that
attractive girl be? ♪

women: ♪ Which, what,
where, whom? ♪

- ♪ Such a pretty face,
such a pretty dress ♪

♪ Such a pretty smile
Such a pretty me! ♪

women: ♪ Such a pretty me,
Such a pretty me ♪

♪ Such a pretty me!
- ♪ I feel stunning

women: ♪ I feel stunning
- ♪ And entrancing

women: ♪ And entrancing
- ♪ Feel like running

♪ And dancing for joy

all: ♪ For I'm loved
by a pretty wonderful boy! ♪

- Guess what
I did this weekend.

- Not a spray tan.

- I'm allergic
to the chemicals.

- What's your hair's excuse?
- Mm.

So I called Gary in Terrorism

who knows Stephanie
in Foreign Affairs.

You're not even listening.

- Well,
my weekend was way better.

- I had him recall
the nail polish.

- Why?

- Well, eventually,
they'll need more, right?

And then we'll know.

- Who signed off on that?
- Dave.

- Wait, my Dave?

- He just doesn't know it.

- DL Dave?

- Mm-hmm.

- You know he and I were,
like--

- Oh, I know.
- Like, all weekend.

All over.
I mean, like, everywhere.

- You think
he ran into you by accident?

- God, I love you.

- Needed him busy.

By the way,
what's his wife like?

- [sighs]
Private sector.

Perky boobs.

- Mm.
What a waste.

- Rite Aid, Walmart,
Walgreens, Amazon, eBay.

I mean, there is a nail salon
in Bloomfield Hills

selling them for $200 a bottle.

- What?
Did you try Sephora?

- Did you try Sephora?
- I tried everything.

- Dude, how can one nail polish
color just suddenly be gone?

- My manager says their
wholesaler's out everywhere.

It's just weird.

- Who would even want this
butt-ass ugly color besides us?

- Exactly.
- You guys...

We don't need it.

- Well, it won't pass
without that glow.

- Then we don't make anymore.

- Uh, tell that to
your boy.

- He won't be here.

We have enough
to hire Max's cousin.

And he's not "my boy."

- [laughs]

A'ight.
Let's dip.

- We're rich!

- Not ours.
- Whose is it?

- Homeless, elderly,
underserved youth,

whoever needs it the most,
we'll give it to them.

- Why?

- 'Cause that's what
good people do.

- You guys,
go pee before school.

So who does this go to?

Tsunami survivors?

- It's not right.

- This is like "Below Deck."

- It's just not you, okay?

- They keep one guy
up on the bridge overnight

to be a lookout.

- Okay.

- Why does it have to be me?

- You're the cop.
- Maybe I'm asking you

to take a shift.

- My ship has sailed, Stanley.

- Well, then I guess
nobody's gonna be watching

when the iceberg hits.

[snap]

- Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- What?

- We should focus.

- Well, that's exactly
how I studied in high school.

- Well, if that worked,
then we wouldn't be here.

On to geometry.

[cell phone chimes]
Oh, sorry.

It's Josh.
Dinner stuff.

- You guys going out

[British accent] for a bit of
bangers and mash?

Perhaps some fish and chips?

[laughs]

- He's cooking.
- Mm.

- well, reheating.
Okay.

How are you with theorems?
- Super strong.

Real good.
So, like, you know...

What do you guys...
what are you guys into?

[soft pop music
in background ]

- I don't know.
Lots of stuff.

- Yeah?

Yeah, like, uh, what?

Books?

- We have fun.

- Mm.

Like, uh...

fun, fun?

- Like crazy fun.

- Well, that's the best kind.

- Yeah, like, you know,

I-really-shouldn't-even-say
kind of fun.

- Dr. Cohen.

- It'd be inappropriate.

- But, of course,
I'm not your patient.

♪

They don't have sex.

- How do you know?

- He's a mouth-breather,
and she's a light-sleeper,

so they keep separate places.

- Okay. So?

- For nine years.

- Doesn't mean
they're not getting nasty.

- They take Egyptology
together at Wayne State.

- They're not getting nasty.

- How are we even supposed to
know what this guy looks like?

- He'll find us.

- What'd you tell him?
Look for the blind person,

or the D-bag?

- Where is this guy?

[sighs]

- Oh.

- Hm.

- Yeah...

- Mrs. Boland.

- Beth is fine.

- Max got me up to speed
on what y'all are looking for.

- Awesome.
- Cool, cool.

- And do you feel like
it's something that you're...

capable of?

- If I'm being
totally honest here,

I might not have
what it takes.

- Really?

- But you've done
this kind of job before?

- I work mainly
with expl*sives.

- Oh. That makes sense.

- Car bombs, IEDs,
pyrotechnics,

stuff that really,
you know...

- Leaves a mark.

- Bingo.

From what Max said
about your target,

he's not a guy who's so easy
to get close to.

You're gonna need a sn*per.

- Well, where do we find
one of those?

- I know a guy.
Already got him up to speed.

- Hold on a minute.

Max got you up to speed

so you could get
another guy up to speed?

- How many speeds
are we looking at here?

- He's who you want.

- Who is "he"?

- I have no idea.

He's that good.

- Well, how do we find him?

- He finds you.

- Okay,
we've got a bit of a problem

'cause we're in a time crunch.

We provide a service
for the target--

- That we are not
currently able to provide, so--

- So we need to...

neutralize our target
before we become his target.

- You want it done right,
don't you?

Thumbs up, or thumbs down?

- Thumb...

thumbs up?

- Gonna need to see 'em.

Now put them up your asses

'cause this might take
a hot minute.

.

- And so when the song
came out, I was like,

"Hello, Mr. Smith,
I've been saying

'get jiggy wit it' since '91."

- And when did it
hit the clubs?

- '95, earliest.

- Guys, I have news.

Just got heads up
from corporate.

We're not supposed to know,
so act super surprised.

But we just won
the Crystal Whale

for the Southeastern
Michigan division.

- Dope.

- Great job, everyone.
Let's get back to work.

- You got some nerve.

- What's your problem now?

- Every person on that floor
busts their ass for this place.

They go to conferences,
they chase every lead,

they work overtime,
they never see their kids,

and for what?
To get dressed up

and watch you
collect some award

for co-signing their deals?

- I told them
to put your name on it.

- What?

- You have a choice of walnut

or mahogany base.

Mahogany ages better.

- Why me?

- Your first month here,
you got higher sales

than Eric had in eight years.

- Thanks.
- You earned it.

Oh, would you tell the team
that they're allowed

to have fun at the show?
I'm not a total monster.

- Why don't you
just tell them yourself?

- I'm gonna skip this year.

Use my ticket for your wife.

- I like Circus Peanut.

- It's too bright.
- Yeah, Island Mango's closer.

- The hue's off.

- Well, can't you just
do a combo thing?

- I am not McDonald's.
I don't just do combos.

It took months
to get this thing legit.

- [sighs]
Check your phone.

- I just did.
- Did you check Facebook?

- 'Cause a hitman's
gonna friend-request me?

- Oh, like you're so versed
in how they communicate.

[huffs]

- It doesn't
have to be perfect.

It just has to be good enough
to buy us some time.

- Yeah, come on, girl.
Beast mode.

- You got this.

- One part Peach En Fuego,
one part Tang Bang,

a few drops of Prairie Fire...

And a smidge
of Oh My Darlin' Clementine.

- Fire up the press.

Why don't we talk about--
- No.

- You don't even know
what I'm gonna say.

- One question,
then we move on.

- Great.
- Fine.

- Now?
- sh**t.

- Why her?

- We're compatible.

- The woman dehydrates fruit.

- My favorite.

- She loves Pilates.
- So do I.

- No man loves that.

- Well, that's how
relationships work, Annie,

at least healthy ones.

- Hot.

- Say there's 100 things
about a person you could like.

Connect to anything over 50,
and it will last.

- Whew. Scorching hot.
- It's not a bad thing

for partnerships
to make sense on paper.

- I guess I just
don't really believe in lists.

- Taking inventory
of a relationship

helps you realize
what matters.

- Ah.
Like Pilates and dried fruit.

- Those are just two,
but yeah.

- Gotcha, boss.

- That's enough for today.

- I still have
three minutes left.

- I'll credit your account.

- Look, all I'm saying
is that I'd rather not

have to crunch numbers
to find my mate.

- How's that gone for you?

- That is enough for today.

- Oh, by the way,
Mrs. Karpinski said

she may have a futon for us.

- We would be sitting
on a giant litterbox

with all those cats.

- Oh, and I won
the Crystal Whale.

- Really?

- You are looking
at the Southeastern Michigan

regional hot tub king.

- Spa.
- Spa.

Spa king.

Will you come?
- Of course.

- Will you wear that dress?

- What dress?

- The one you wore for him.

[cell phone buzzes]

- What's that?

- Money.

- No.

It's not.

- Yeah, it is.
- Not money I could use.

- Oh,
we had to change the formula.

- Change it back.

- It's not possible.

- Yo, I been
thinking about this, um,

relationship of ours.

Lot of issues,
you and me.

- I don't disagree.

- Cut you in.
That didn't work.

g*n to your head.
Nothing.

I don't know how to
incentivize you anymore.

So...

Open it.

- I don't get it.

- [laughs]
Take it out.

- I don't want to.

- We got another job
for you.

- Well, whatever it is,
I don't want to do it.

- Oh.
[laughs]

[both laugh]

Take it out, Elizabeth.

Maybe you're right.

I'm the problem.

Well,
go ahead and finish me off.

If you want to.

- We're good.

- Cool.

That's what he used to take
of your friend, by the way.

- Why?

- Incentive.

.

- Why did I touch it?

- Why did you touch it?

- What was I supposed to do?

- Not touch it.

- Some hood-ass man gives you
a questionable envelope?

- Okay, for starters,
you guys weren't there,

and the atmosphere
was very threatening.

- You don't open it.

- Okay, I'm, like,
so used to that man

just handing me g*ns
that I, like,

I don't even think about it.

- God, he's good.

- I need you to stop that.
It's making me crazy.

- It's how I think now.

- [sighs]

-He's not getting a good batch
without my Creamsicle Sunset.

- What about that place
that we went?

- The markup is insane.

- I wasn't talking
about buying it.

- Well,
they're gonna know it's us.

- How?
- Because that woman

saw our faces, Annie.

- [sighs]

She didn't see mine.

I'll do it.

You touched it.

[back-up beeping]

- God doesn't need your stuff.

What good is stuff
to the King of kings?

What he wants is our hearts
and our souls

and our creativity
to think outside ourselves

through service.

Ruby Hill, come up here
and give your testimony.

Sister Hill saw a need
in our community,

and she filled it.

- Tomorrow, I'm taking women
from the Brush Street Mission

to a nail salon.

It's not a big deal.
I just thought that these

underserved women should
feel good about themselves.

- And she's humble, too.
Amen.

all: Amen.

[applause]

- I can't decide.
Fingers or toes?

- Do both.

[upbeat music]

♪

- [singing in Japanese]

♪

- Oh, come on.

Sarah, open the door.

[sighs]

You want to sort of
tilt it back,

more towards your butt.

- It won't go in.
- I promise it will.

Just shove it on up there.

- How?

- She just got her first,
you know, code red.

Look at the picture
on the damn instructions.

45-degree angle, baby girl.

- Oh,
'cause I have a protractor.

- Let me in.
I will help you.

- Go away.

- Is there a key
to get in here?

- Oh, my God.
Of course.

- Bet a man made
those instructions, right?

♪

Well, now you know how to put
one in when the time comes.

- What'd you steal in there?

- Don't worry about it.

- I was an accomplice.

- We're even now.
Your debt is paid.

- You're the biggest hypocrite.

- I'm your mother.

- So it's okay
for you to just do

whatever you want
whenever you want?

- Oh.
You think I get off on this?

- What an example you are,
Sister Ruby.

- Don't look at me with your
little smug, judgy face,

like you're grown when you know
nothing about nothing.

- I have homework.

- What, you thought kidneys
grow on trees?

I made a choice, okay?

To do something
I thought I would never do.

And it wasn't for fun
or to have nice things.

- What do you mean?

- I bought you a second chance.

I'm sorry, I stole it.

Something that insurance,
prayers, neighbors,

none of that could do.

And I will be damned
if I threw my soul away

so you could
turn out like this.

- Why didn't
you just tell me that?

- I didn't think
I'd ever have to.

[engine revs]

- What's all this?

- I had to take more than just
the polish to pin it on,

you know,
the underserved.

- At least they got
free mani-pedis out of it.

[dramatic music]

- You did good.

♪

.

- Hey.
- What did he forget?

- Homework.

- He had his backpack.

- Hm.

[soft music in background]

♪

- This is--
we have paper at home.

- Oh.

- Oh?
- Yeah, the, um...

- Seriously?
- I had to ask you something.

- There it is.
- I knew you would never come.

- Yeah, well, you were right.

- [moans]

- [groans]
All right, what, what?

- Okay.

What was on your list?

- Huh?

- Like, when you first met me,
what did you like?

- Your boobs.
- Right.

But what else?

- Well, I mean, the fact

that you showed me one
during detention.

- Okay, I think I mean more
like, you know, like...

like why'd you choose me?

- I gotta go home.
- Hey, you know,

you're the one
who wanted me to go

to therapy in the first place.

- Fine.

Um...

you were really...

you're a really good mom.

- Eww.
- Eww? That's a nice--

- It--
- All right.

All right.

Say, like, we were
at a party or something,

and someone
was doing something stupid,

like laughing too loud,

or some woman
comes out of the bathroom

with her skirt
tucked into her underwear...

Even if I wasn't
right next to you, I just...

I knew that I'd look
across the room

and you'd be cracking up
'cause you'd seen it, too.

So does that count?

Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm.
What are you doing?

- Therapy.
- No, you're just hammered.

- So?
- So I have to go home.

- Just stay for one drink.

- It's never just one with us.

- Well,
I have a brand-new bottle.

- Yeah,
that's part of the problem.

- We don't even
have to have sex.

We could just, you know,
get naked and hang out.

- No, no.

- Sorry.

- Dakota's having trouble
sleeping at night.

I do the night feeding, so...

- I got it.

- Okay.

- Hey, you got a shaker?

- I don't have any furniture,
man.

Beth, we gotta go.

- What about olive picks?

- There's no time.
Limo's almost here.

- They're roadies.

- Phil went to the Radisson
instead of the Sheraton.

[both laughing]

- Oh, snap.

- [laughs]
Yeah, you like it?

- You must be a beaver,
'cause damn.

- Dude, chill.

- [laughs]
Can you zip me up?

- With pleasure.

You look incredible.

- Not so bad yourself.

- Thank you.
Hey, will you record my speech?

- Yeah, let me see
how much battery I have.

- I'm gonna tell
the kids to go to bed

like they do in the Oscars.
[clears throat]

What?

Oh, no.

- I'm so sorry.

- Martini or prosecco?
Shout it out.

- Are you serious right now?

-
I know how important
this is.

- It's the Crystal Whale.

- You're not coming?
- It's 'cause of him?

- No. No.

- You know what?
Don't sweat it.

It's fine.
Hey, let's roll.

Limo's here.

No big deal.

- Dean.

- It's not a real thing
anyway.

[dramatic music]

Hey.

- I needed to meet
face to face.

In my line of work,

you have to be careful
who you get in bed with.

- So our mutual friend
got you up to speed with--

- I am so sorry.

I can't talk shop
on an empty stomach.

Do they serve breakfast
all day here?

- Great eggs B.

- Done.

.

- Was it not good?

- Exquisite.

Dolly Parton famously takes
one bite of each food group.

It's how
she's kept her figure.

- Oh?

- All right.
Shall we look at our calendars?

- Can...

I'm kind of new to this.

- I don't get a lot
of repeat customers.

- [laughs]

Um...

how does this work?

- Say I'm your lawyer.

I usually do
a fair amount of prep work

before we would go to trial.

So I charge by the hour.

Research and discovery
is billed at 700.

The defendant,
is he local?

Okay,
so travel is not an issue.

All other expenses
are on top of the retainer.

Trial itself
will run you 60 grand.

- We were told 30.

- By a man with no arms,
who you're free to hire.

- I only brought 30.

- You'll receive invoices
as we go.

So how is...

Tuesday at 3:45?

Is that too soon?

- No, sooner's better.
- Oh, no, scrap that.

I'll be in Ohio.
Any chance he's in Ohio?

All right,
the next available slot

that I have is...

Oh.

Friday.
Morning.

- That works.

- Done.

Thank you, Mrs. Boland.

[mellow music]

♪

♪

- Hey.

- How'd it go?

- Oh, it was...

it was pretty great.

You okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

- What are doing here?

- Following up on some emails.

- Why don't you go home?

- I really don't have much
to go home to, Dean.

My husband has three TVs
in his office.

Each one has a different
sporting event on at all times.

My daughter practically lives
with her friend.

And...

my Labradoodle only eats

if my husband
fills the bowl, so...

- Oh.

I thought I'd put
this on your shelf.

- Oh,
you don't have to do that.

- Oh, it looks good.

- You went with the walnut,
huh?

- I don't...

I don't think you're...

you know, a monster.

- What now?

- I have a surprise
for you.

- I'm scared.
- I did my homework.

- That is a surprise.

- Yeah, well, Greg came over.

- Oh, okay.

- And we started
making that list.

- Oh. How'd it go?
- It was revelatory.

- All ears.
- You see,

every time that we had
something in common,

I just wanted to rip
his pants off, you know?

Like, for example,
we both like making sandwiches

out of Pop Tarts,
but that didn't even make it

on the list because
we started kissing.

And not just
like a little peck.

Like, full on,
with tongue, making out.

That kind of thing.
- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, and we both like naps.

- Well, who doesn't?
- Mm-hmm.

- But see, of course,
that doesn't make it

on the list, either,
because by now,

we're in each other's pants.

And, you know,
when I say pants,

I mean, like, we're deep
inside the underwear.

And, uh, you know,
we're both

just so crazy turned on

that we don't even make it
to the bedroom.

So we're on the couch,
and he kind of, like,

kind of flips me up
on top of him,

you know, in kind of a Cirque
du Soleil type--

- Okay, I get it, Annie.

- You know how it is
when you're just so...

you're so in sync with someone
that it kind of feels like

an old song
you know all the words to?

And every instrument,
every note,

every b*at, the rhythm,

and the tempo, you know,
it just take you over until--

- Okay, yeah.

- And all of a sudden,
you're not even human anymore.

You're just an animal.

Just made out of nerve endings

and feelings
in that hot, aching need--

- All right.

- So I guess
what I learned is that

there could be 99 things
on that list,

but, to me,
only one matters.

- And what's that?

- Spark.

But I'm...

but I'm sure
you must have that, right?

- Thank you for your honesty.

- Thank you for your advice.

- Nail salon robbed, right?
Super ritzy suburb.

Guess what they took.

- Not that coat.

- How's DL Dave's mood?

- Not good.

- Think he'll give me
the go-ahead?

- He's still pissed
about the recall.

- It's like Bin Laden, right?

- If nail polish was a w*apon
of mass destruction, sure.

- No one believed the analysts
when they said

follow the courier.

The CIA didn't listen
to them for years.

Thought they were useless.
Basement trash.

You know, 'cause they worked
in the basement.

But they sift
through the evidence,

they track every lead,

and they end up being the ones
who cracked the case.

They found him.

Not the Pakistani ops.
Not the fancy drones.

The basement trash.

- That's definitely trash.

- Hey, it's new.
- It's a parade float.

- I'm going in.
- Okay, take that off.

It's offensive.
Tell him I ran the analytics.

- Did you?

- I will by the time
he's done yelling at you.

Don't cry.
Save it for the bathroom.

And don't compare this
to Bin Laden.

- You know this bitch
is hiding in a cave somewhere.

- Do not.

- Just gotta root her out.

[door opens]

- Here's a question.

Are there actual truffles
in truffle oil?

Because one shaving of truffles
is like a gazillion dollars.

And, like,
a bottle's 10 bucks.

- I quit my job today.

- Why?

- [clears throat]

Um...

I kissed my boss.

- Why?

- She kissed me.

- Okay.

- So I kissed her back.

- And then what?

- She tried to undo my pants,
and I stopped her.

- Why?

- 'Cause the tux have that
weird double button, and so I--

- Why did you stop her?

- Because I don't want her.

I want you.

But I don't really
have the best track record,

so I don't expect you
to believe me.

And if you need me
to go to my mom's,

just you say the word.

But I really...

Beth, I really want to stay.

- Dean.

- Yeah.

- Don't go.

[dramatic music]

♪

- Better not be my baby girl

roaming these halls
at midnight.

- Better be sleepwalking.

- I figured out
who we should help.

This family,

their kid was k*lled
by a drunk driver.

- That's awful.

- Dad lost his job,
bank took their house.

- How did you find
these people?

- I got
their daughter's kidney.

♪

♪

- How you feeling, champ?

- Incentivized.

♪

.

[dramatic music]

♪