11x18 - May Cause Internal Diarrhea

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

[Laughs]

[Lever clicks]

♪

MAN: It's alive!

[Robot chicken clucking]

♪

[Laughing evilly]

♪

[Rattling and hissing]

[Percussion cacophony plays]

Do you have any idea
how embarrassing it isss

that other rattlesnakes know
that I'm related to you?

[Engine rumbling]

Whoa, buddy!
Where's your parachute?!

I bet my friends bucks
that penguins could fly

if they were motivated enough,
so here goes!

That literally makes no sense, and you

should wear a parachute
because you're wrong.

Didn't you see
"Dark Knight Rises"?

You're only motivated
to achieve the impossible

once you take off
the training wheels, man.

- Whee!
- Aw, not again!

Oh, I'm nervous about
meeting your family, Mitch.

After all,
I'm a Cabbage Patch Kid,

and your family
is Garbage Pail Kids.

There's nothing to worry
about, Babette Jocelyn.

- I love you, so they will, too.
- Oh, my baby boy!

And this must be
Babette Jocelyn!

Come here, you!

I'm Mitch's mom, Bloody Mary.

Come meet the rest
of the family!

This is my hubby,
Harry Hemorrhoid.

[Groaning]

[Squish]

- Hi, Mitch.
- Acne Amy! Wow!

You got so tall!
Bring it in here. [Grunts]

[Popping, splat]

[Gags] Bathroom?
Oh, God.

[Gagging] Okay.

[Groans]
Babette, you can do this.

Just breathe.
[Door opens]

Outta the way!
Get outta the way!

[Defecating, water splashing]

Ugh! Whoa!
That one's ripe!

Hey! You must be Babette!

I'm Dia-Rita.
Nice to...

[Defecating, water splashing]
Ugh. Meet you.

[Gagging]

There you are!
Come on.

The rest of the family's
waiting to meet you.

[Crunch]

[Smooching]

[cr*ck!]

♪

[Chuckles]
That went great!

- My family loves you!
- I'm so glad.

Oh, Babette, you simply must
come back for Thanksgiv...

I'm sorry.
Are you inked?

What? That's just my
Xavier Roberts tattoo.

This trollop
has tattooed herself

- with another man's name!
- He's my creator!

Are you in a [bleep]ing cult?!

Get out of my house at once!

- Mitch!
- Sorry, baby.

My family think tattoos
are disgusting,

and I do, too,
so y-you better go.

[Inhales deeply, sobs]

I got pussed on for you!

Well, looks like I should've got

into her pants earlier, right, fam?

[Chuckles]
f*ckin' psoriasis.

- [Groans]
- Let's see.

Cinderella, you're here for...

You tried to wear
glass shoes.

Honey, men don't give a sh*t
about women's footwear.

Next time, Wear, like,
a pair of Air Jordans.

That'll get his attention
without the personal harm.

- Those are actually pretty sick.
- I know, right?

Okay.
Let's cut those feet off.

All right. Do you know
why I pulled you over?

- No, I do not.
- [Bleep]

[Chuckles] Hey.
Look at this Itsy Bitsy ass.

Hey! Where ya goin', Itsy Bitsy?!

- [Bleep] you!
- Eat sh*t!

- [Bleep] you! You eat sh*t!
- You eat sh*t!

I'm-a climb up this garden
spout, you [bleep]ing assh*le!

- Better not!
- Better not, assh*le!

- It's gonna rain!
- [Bleep] you!

- [Bleep] you!
- Yeah, [bleep] you!

I do what I [bleep]ing want!

- How about that, mother[bleep]er?
- Ya told that [bleep].

- You told him.
- That [bleep].

[Thunder rumbles, Itsy Bitsy screams]

Oh, look!
sh*t [bleep] is back.

- Told ya, you [bleep]!
- Eat sh*t!

- You eat sh*t!
- Eat sh*t, you [bleep]!

[Birds chirping]

[Water dripping]

The [bleep] you doin' now?

I'm-a climb up this garden spout
and [bleep] yo' mama!

[Bleep]in' k*ll you, you [bleep]!

These is prison rules,
mother[bleep]er!

Itsy Bitsy bitch!

[Dramatic music plays]

Oh, no, dear Agnarr, we're dead!

Oh, it pains me that our children,

Anna and Elsa,
must grow up without us.

Oh, they'll be fine.
Dead parents build character.

Yeah, our little Tarzan
was raised by gorillas after

we were m*rder*d by a leopard,
and he turned out great.

Ah. New dead parents.

You are just in time
for tonight's Heaven rave!

Ooh! What's a rave?

[Dance music thumping,
cheerful shouting]

Oh, this is better
than any ball in Arendelle.

I feel so free!

Ow! Ow!
Let it go, baby!

Here comes the dump truck.

♪

[Snorting]

I say this pixie dust
is quite different

than the snow
we're used to back home.

CORAL: Hey!
Can I get some down here?

[Toilet flushes]

I didn't get eaten
by a barracuda for nothing!

[Bionic sound effect plays]

[Snorts] Whoo-oo!

Who wants to butt-chug
some Dole Whip?!

[Indistinct shouting]

Whoo!

[Somber music plays]

- I hope they're in a better place.
- Me too, Anna. Me too.

- IDUNA: I just did my first butt chug!
- AGNARR: Being a dead parent rules!

Barbie, I must go.
I can't do this anymore.

- Why, Ken? Why?!
- I'm Butterfly Prince Ken.

I must go be with my people.

Flap, flap, flap,
flap, flap, flap, flap...

Look, Bell,
I don't condone bestiality,

but the fact of the matter
is if you [bleep] a dog,

you're going to get
a yeast infection.

Welcome, viewers!
I am Dexter, boy genius!

Today I present to you
an extraordinary invention!

This is the Mom Droid,
a revolutionary new robot

who does anything a mom can do.

Now let's go to the phones.
Hello, Gil. You're on the air.

GIL: Uh, yes. Hello.

First-time caller, longtime listener.

Is she fully functional?

Yes. Of course.
She can cook and clean.

Mom Droid, make an
omelette du fromage.

Okay. Cool. Um, but how many,
uh, thrusts will you get?

- Thrusts?
- How intensely does she vibrate?

If she is vibrating,
something is wrong.

That means she is broken,
you idiot.

Okay. But is it easy to clean
up, you know, afterwards?

Mom Droid, clean the kitchen.

Awesome. I'll take one for sure.

Excellent! Let's take
another caller. Okay.

Schlomo, you're on the air.

Uh, she looks very real.
Um, does she feel real?

She feels like your mother.

Okay. Cool. How big are
the holes? I'm very large.

She can burn holes into
anything with her laser eyes.

Mom Droid, blast that trash!

[Zapping]
Um, I'll buy one, I guess.

And who does not want
the Mom Droid?

Hello, Larb.
You're on the air.

Uh, I got a question
about the [bleep] sleeve.

- Is it porous?
- I-I'm sorry. We gotta shut this down.

What?! We're making
beaucoup bucks!

Yeah, kid, we're not licensed

to sell adult toys
at : in the afternoon!

She's not a toy! I designed her
to look like my real mother.

Come on out, Mom,
and say hello.

Ugh. Go to the Lisa Rinna
Duster Cardigans!

[Alarm ringing, ringing stops]

April st?! The Day of Fools!

I pity the fool who participates
in April Fools' Day!

There are too many fools to pity
on this day!

How about this?
Mr. T gonna start his day.

Ha ha!
[Bell dings]

Hm. Time to check
Mr. T's e-mail.

Ah. Look at this here.
My friend Gary just e-mailed me

a link to a new children's charity.

Oh! It's a fool's
giant ding-a-ling!

I hate this day!

I'm now a fool I pity.
I pity me... Mr. T!

ANNOUNCER: Running
a summer camp for kittens

seemed like the perfect
business venture.

- Oh, they're so cute!
- And the best part is

Jason Voorhees should
leave us alone this year

since he didn't suffer any
childhood psychological trauma

- related to kittens.
- That we know of.

- But little did they know...
- WOMAN: Teenagers are filthy, Jason!

Greasy hormones
spewing all over the place!

They must be punished!

[Snoring]

Okay. This teenager's
a [bleep]ing dork. Next window.

[Cats purring and meowing]

Aah! Sluts!
Kitten sluts!

[Cats yowling, Kn*fe plunging]

[Sniffles]

[Reading] _

ANNOUNCER:
Somewhere along the way,

these movies stopped being shocking,

but we're pretty sure
we're onto something here.

[Monitors beeping]

- Ha ha! Welcome to my house.
- Why is it full of sick kids?

Oh, that's not your thing? What
... What... What's your thing?

- Sexy clowns. Mm!
- Alright. Well, that... that checks out.

Well, h-help me
wheel them out onto the lawn.

The sprinklers don't kick on
for another minutes.

Why do you smell like Mommy's
acid-washed jean jacket

when she comes home from the
Morongo Casino, Resort & Spa?

Good times!

Shut the [bleep] up
and go back to sleep!

I'm gonna... Yeah.
This is creepy. Bye.

W-Where are you going?!
Come on. Where you go... Ugh.

Okay. Your chart says you
sold your soul to hook up with

a dude you met in a shipwreck,
and now you can't talk.

Kids will do anything to get
to bone town these days, huh?

Now, say, "Ahh."
Say, "Ahh."

Can you do that?
Oh, right. Right.

Sorry.
It's been a very long day.

[Crickets chirping faintly]

[Clicking, message bloops]

[Clicking, message bloops]

[Owl hoots]

[Clicking, message bloops]

[Romantic music swells]

[Music stops]

[Owl hoots]

[Clicking, message bloops,
phone buzzes]

[Clicking, message bloops,
phone buzzes]

[Clicking, message bloops,
phone buzzes]

[Clicking, message bloops,
phone buzzes]

[Clicking, message bloops,
phone buzzes]

[Clicking, message bloops,
phone buzzes]

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

- Ba-gawk!
- Bawk.

- I don't see him!
- Ha! I knew he wouldn't do it.

- Give me all your money, penguins!
- Oh, no!

PENGUIN: I can't fly!
Splat!

- Wow! He saved us!
- Just like Batman!

So, uh, what? We ding his
estate for the bucks?

Yeah.
Let's go confront his widow.