01x02 - George's Family Tree

[bunniefuu]

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment in the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie ♪

♪ Fish don't fry
in the kitchen ♪

♪ Beans don't
burn on the grill ♪

♪ Took a whole lot of tryin' ♪

♪ Just to get up that hill ♪

♪ Now we're up in
the big leagues ♪

♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪

♪ As long as we live
it's you and me, baby ♪

♪ Ain't nothin'
wrong with that ♪

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment in the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ To the east side ♪
♪ movin' on up ♪

♪ We finally got a
piece of the pie ♪♪

♪ I am love ♪

♪ La la la la la la la ♪
ow!

♪ I am love ♪

♪ La la la la la la la ♪

♪ I am love spread
my love around you ♪

Weezy, honey.

Don't you "weezy, honey" me.

Wait. What's this gonna be,
a new fight or an old one?

Your mother is coming
to dinner. It's an old one.

But let me freshen it
up for you. Your mother...

If you didn't want mama for
dinner, why did you invite her?

I didn't. She tricked me.

She called and asked, "what
were we doing for dinner tonight?

Were we eating out?" I said, "no,
we are having dinner at home."

And she said, "I'd
love to" and hung up.

That's mama. You gotta be quick.

Come on, weezy. I know it
ain't easy with mama sometimes.

But one thing I learned
on my way up the ladder...

That's another
thing I'm sick of...

Your way up the ladder.

You've got your nose up so high you
would need a ten-foot pole to pick it.

Ain't nothing wrong
with being proud, weezy.

'Cause I done it all my
lonesome, the hard way.

George, dear, I'm glad
for your success too.

But let's not forget, you are still
the grandson of a sharecropper...

And I'm the daughter
of a janitor.

We are just plain folks.

But I don't feel
like no plain folks.

Did you ever play king of the
mountain when you was a kid?

No, that's right. You probably
played just plain folks of the mountain.

But see, I played the real game. But
only I was too small to reach the top.

However, when I grew up, I found
out that business is the real game...

And out there size don't count.

I don't believe it.

You really think you're
king of the mountain.

I don't just
think it. I know it.

And it ain't easy
climbing that mountain...

Carrying the black
burden on your shoulders.

Especially when you got
to carry all those rocks.

- What rocks?
- The ones in your head.

I'm gonna let that pass.

That's one more thing I
learned on my way up the ladder.

You must be patient with people.

Always try to see
people's good side.

That must be tom willis. What
the hell does that h*nky want?

He called and said he and helen
was gonna stop by for a minute.

- Now, just cool it.
- Why do I have to be nice to
somebody if I don't want to?

Because you said you always like to
look on people's good side, remember?

Now, I'm gonna open this door
and you're gonna shut your mouth.

Hi, louise. Hello. Come in.

Louise, hi. Hiya,
george, old buddy.

What do you want?

Did you hear that, helen? He's getting
real friendly. He didn't say get out.

- Don't worry. He will.
- No, he won't.

Can I get you both a
drink? Not for me, thanks.

What have you got?
What have I got?

I got anything you got. Vodka,
scotch, bourbon, wine. You name it.

- Fine. I'll have a rob roy.
- Say what?

I'm sorry. A dry rob roy.

Oh.

This is for you. A little
housewarming gift.

Oh, you shouldn't
have, but I'm glad you did.

It's just something we
thought you'd like to have.

Oh.

Thank you.

It's an authentic baule
figure from africa.

Isn't it beautiful?
It is lovely.

Can I speak to you a minute,
please? What the hell is that?

It's a housewarming
gift from the willises.

Oh, I didn't know
that. Great. Great.

- When do we burn it?
- I heard that.

Then hear this. That's the ugliest
thing I've ever seen in my life.

Yes, it does resemble
you, doesn't it?

Helen, please. Lots of people don't
recognize great art at first glance.

George, actually, this is a
fine example of primitive art...

Carved by a black artist.

If you say so. Louise, can I speak
to you in the kitchen, please?

Excuse me.

I'll be back in a moment.

I don't care if
you didn't like it.

The least you could
have said was thank you.

Thank you? For
that piece of junk?

I seen better carvings
in street fights.

Well, speaking
of street fights...

I ain't got no time for that. Where
do we keep our bottle of rob roy?

I don't know.

Try looking next to the
bottle of rum and coca-cola.

You sure are dumb. It
ain't a bottle. It's a cocktail.

You have to mix it. Give
me the scotch, please.

Thank you. And a
little vermouth.

It will have to be a little
'cause we ain't got any.

Well, just give me
whatever wine we got.

He ain't gonna
know the difference.

Didn't I tell you, tom,
he wouldn't like it?

Yeah, I guess we should've
brought him something modern.

Something he could
understand. Like what?

Like a can opener.

Here you are. One dry
rob roy. Ah, thank you.

And don't worry about this.

I'm sure george will love
it once he gets used to it.

I understand. Primitive
art is a lot like george.

You have to acquire
a taste for it.

Something else you have
to acquire a taste for...

A rob roy made with
scotch and ripple.

I told you to let me
fix the drinks, louise.

Oh, sit there, george.
I'll get the door.

I know that.

Oh, hello, mother
jefferson. Come in. Louise.

And how are you, mr. Bentley?

He's wonderful,
that's how he is.

He took the package
right out of my hands...

And carried it all the
way up here for me.

It was nothing, really. The
elevator did most of the work.

Here you are, louise.
Some fruit for after dinner.

You didn't have to do that. I've
got lots of fruit in the house.

I know, but I like fresh fruit.

Mama. Oh, george.

Hello, mrs. Jefferson. Hi there.

- How do you do?
- Well, I'm off.

- He sure is.
- Mr. Bentley, could you
stay for a drink?

George is having a
special on rob roys.

Well, I'll just have an
alka-seltzer. Alka-seltzer?

Yes. I'm on my way to a
party at the russian embassy.

And you know how those things
are. It's one toast after another.

Then shouldn't you take the
alka-seltzer after the party?

I tried it that way once.
But after the party,

I couldn't stand all
those noisy little bubbles.

What about you, mother jefferson?
Would you care for a drink?

I'll just have some grape
juice with a slice of lemon.

- Grape juice
and a slice of lemon.
- And a double sh*t of vodka.

What a fascinating carving.
Oh, it's a baule figure.

In africa, it's supposed
to be a guardian spirit.

Magnificent. An important
part of the black heritage.

- Don't you find that
interesting, mr. Jefferson?
- No, I don't.

I ain't interested in no heritage
of mine past 126th street.

Really? My family's
just the opposite.

Can't stop talking
about our ancestors.

Seems our family tree is cluttered with
generals and admirals and barristers...

And a bishop who
was defrocked...

For wearing one.

Well, here we are.

One alka-seltzer...

And one molotov cocktail.

Speaking of family, do you
mind if I do a little boasting?

My wife's family includes the first
black doctor in massachusetts.

Ah, don't be so modest, tom.

What about the two senators
and governor in your family?

Yeah, but it was
such a little state.

If george weren't so shy,

He could tell about some very
distinguished people in our family.

Now, mama. Like his
great-uncle daniel.

Oh, he was big in railroading.

Mama, he was a pullman porter.

He was the head porter.

I don't wanna hear no more about
this ancestor and family pride.

Pride is what you
are feeling now.

Who cares about
what's dead and gone?

George, I'm surprised at you.

Your father used to
talk to me for hours...

About you being directly
descended from the ashanti tribes.

The ashanti. I've heard of them.

At one time, they were
the biggest african nation.

That's right, mr. Bentley.

In fact, george's father
said he was a dagomba.

The dagombas were
ashanti warriors.

Isn't that interesting, george?

Maybe you've got
some pygmy in you too.

I told y'all I ain't interested
in all that old ancestral jive.

As far as I am concerned, the jefferson
ancestry starts here, not over there.

Speaking of over
there, I'm late.

I better get right over to my
russian party while we're still allies.

Well...

Helen, won't you and tom join
us for dinner? We've got plenty.

Well... They don't
wanna eat with us.

We're too low-down for them and
them uppity senators and governors.

If they sat down with us,
I'd have to eat in the kitchen.

George, cut it out.

It's all right, louise. We'll
take a rain check. Come on, tom.

George, if it'll make
you feel any better,

Your ancestors can lick
my ancestors any old time.

Good-bye. George.

What's the matter
with you, sh**ting off

Your mouth about some
ashantis and dagombas?

What was wrong with that? The willises are
coming up with senators and governors...

And you're coming up with a bunch
of witch doctors and spear throwers.

George, I don't like to hear you
talk that way about our people.

- It's terrible.
- Oh, my god.

What's wrong, weezy?
What's the matter? Oh!

What's wrong,
huh? It's happening.

What's happening?

I'm finally agreeing
with your mother.

George. George!

I've heard of fun evenings,

But sitting around watching
your mother pare a pear...

Is a thrill I never expected.

The skin gets under
my bridgework.

And her bridgework
gets under my skin.

Now who's that? Who cares?
As long as it's breathing.

It's an improvement on
what we've got here now.

Marvelous news. I've
got marvelous news.

- I'll take any part of it.
- Mr. Uku, my friend from
the liberian delegation...

Was at the cocktail party, and I happened
to mention your ancestral background.

- Who asked you to?
- Wait. According
to what he said,

If you come from the dagomba
branch of the ashantis,

You come from kings. Say what?

You jivin' me? Yes. No, no.

Am i? No, no. Dr. Uku
is an authority.

And according to him, you are
descended from african royalty.

- Royalty?
- Oh, but that doesn't
mean anything to george.

You see, he doesn't
care about his ancestors.

Isn't that right,
george? King george.

Aah!

So pop's really descended
from a royal tribe, huh?

It's more like up-scended. He hasn't
come down since he heard the news.

Yeah, I can imagine. I
bet he got all excited.

Are you kidding? I woke up
in the middle of the night...

And saw him staring at
himself in the mirror...

With a lamp shade on his head.

- A lamp shade?
- Said he was
just wondering...

How he would have
looked at his coronation.

Don't worry. You know
pop. He'll soon get over it.

Well, I hope so 'cause right now
he's giving me a royal pain in the...

Hello. George.

I didn't hear you go out.

What do you mean, you didn't?

Would you believe he's
phoning from the bedroom?

What? Oh, but of course I'd
serve you breakfast in bed...

Just as soon as you bring
your bed into the kitchen.

Well, I guess he
ain't over it yet.

Breakfast in bed.

The next thing you'll know, he'll be
wanting a valet to lay out his clothes.

Maybe when pop gets here, you ought to
start bowing out of the room backwards.

What are you bucking
for, court jester?

Good morning, louise.
Morning, lionel, my firstborn.

If that means you think
there'll be a second-born,

Forget it, your majesty.

Take it easy, weezy. You were right
for not serving my breakfast in bed.

Well, I'm glad you've
come to your senses.

Yeah, I figure I need a
manservant for that sort of thing.

A what? You know, a valet
to lay out my clothes.

I'll lay them out,
with you in them.

Pop, how does it feel
to have royal blood?

It don't feel no different
because I was up the ladder anyway.

The only thing I didn't know
is that we owned the ladder.

So the news really didn't
affect you? No, no, no.

It affected his mother.
She stayed over all night.

She drank so many bloody
marys we had to pour her into bed.

Never mind mama. Where's
my breakfast, woman?

If you don't quit
calling me "woman,"

You'll be wearing
your breakfast.

Watch it.

Why? What are you gonna
do, have my head chopped off?

You were real lucky finding out
about your family tree so quickly, pop.

I should've figured out I
had royal blood all along...

Because that's what gave
me the jump on everybody else.

Now all I gotta do
is change my name.

What? Why are you
gonna change your name?

'Cause jefferson
is a sl*ve name.

He's right, lionel.

I became a sl*ve the
day I got that name.

I got it all figured out
for the side of the truck.

"Ashanti dagomba ali and
son cleaners and dyers."

I hope I can remember all that
when I have to fill out the forms.

- What forms?
- The ones committing you
to bellevue.

- You gonna commit yourself.
- I'm committing you
to bellevue.

Come on. Hold it. I'm sorry I
can't stay for the main event,

But I'm gonna go upstairs and
see if jenny wants to take in a movie.

Do something useful,
like learn something.

Well, every time me and
jenny go out, I learn something.

Hey, wait a minute!

If you're going to the willises,
take them a message from me.

Only if it's something I can repeat
in front of the ladies. Sure it is.

Tell them I said to come down
here for a few drinks and lunch.

Tell tom I got in a whole new batch
of them roy rogers. Wait a minute.

So then, you're inviting
jenny's parents down here?

Sure. I'm gonna show them
that compared to my family tree,

They ain't even got a geranium.

Good morning, grandma.
Good morning, lionel.

Good morning, mama. Wow. You
look like a debutante in that robe.

Thank you, son.
You're so thoughtful,

Insisting that I stay
over last night...

Because you knew louise
was going to make me drink...

Another bloody mary.

Why don't you go into the kitchen
and grab yourself some breakfast.

All right, if you
want me to, dear.

- How did you sleep
last night?
- Like a baby.

Good.

Oh, good morning, mother
jefferson. Did you sleep well?

Not a wink.

The mattress was too hard,

And you know I'm allergic
to duck feather pillows.

But our pillows are foam rubber.

That's the worst
kind for my sinuses.

Uh, well, can I get
you some breakfast?

Well, I'm not hungry.
Oh, just some coffee.

Okay. And some cereal.

With fruit.

And some raisin toast.

How would you like your eggs?

Over easy.

What's keeping them willises?

Are you sure you told them I was
inviting them down here? Uh-huh.

- Did they say they was coming?
- Yeah, as soon as they made me
swear on the bible...

I wasn't putting them on.

It's hard being
nice to them people.

George, the only reason
you want them down here...

Is so you can boast
about your family stump.

Family tree.

Not when you're five-foot-five.

George, I was thinking.

If you are a king,

Then I must be a queen mother.

Well, I don't know
about the queen part.

But you're quite a mother.

Thank you, louise.

Hey, mama, I've
got a great idea.

Go on back home and spread
the word among your neighbors.

Well, you know I'm not
much for putting on airs.

But if you want me to, dear.

Yeah. It's gonna be good for the
business once the news gets out.

Maybe I'll just tell
my closest friends.

That should keep it a secret.

- Good-bye, lionel.
- Bye, grandma.

I'll see you out, mama.
Thank you, george.

Now, you see how humble he is?

The news hasn't
changed him a single bit.

Worst luck.

Bye, louise.

Good-bye, mama.

Hey, louise, where's that hunk
of wood the willises gave us?

In the closet
where you threw it.

We gotta keep this
where people can see it.

Ain't that beautiful? Ow!

Whoo! You find anything
in them books yet?

Yeah. There's a lot in here
about the ashantis. Yeah, what?

They were the biggest tribe in
africa. They were warlike, intelligent.

Hear that, weezy? Intelligent.

What's it say about
the dagombas?

If they were the kings of the ashantis,
they must have been super intelligent.

Show me where it says
that. According to this,

Mr. Bentley's friend got it
wrong about the dagombas.

They weren't exactly kings. Oh,
you mean they were presidents.

No. Wise men and village chiefs.

Well, not exactly, pops.
Well, how much "not exactly."

The book says if there were any
dagombas hanging out with the ashantis,

It wasn't 'cause they wanted to; it
was 'cause they got captured in w*r.

You trying to tell me that my
ancestors were a bunch of p.o.w.'S?

- Well, only for a little while.
- Oh, good. Then what?

- Then they became slaves.
- Slaves?

Quiet, louise!

Where does it say slaves?

Right there. I
don't wanna see it.

Slaves!

Oh, george, I'm
sorry. You're sorry?

I'm worse off than
I was yesterday.

Not only do I come from slaves, but the
slaves that I come from came from slaves.

Oh, that must be the willises.

Don't let 'em in.

- But you invited them.
- I'll just out-vite 'em.

Well, you can't
do that. Yes, I can.

Okay. Right.

Hi. Sorry we're a little
late. You're too late.

We finished up
all the drinks. Bye.

Oh, come in. He's only fooling.

Lionel, get us some
drinks, will you?

A rob roy and a scotch.

No rob roy. A
scotch and a scotch.

- Well, george,
what's the big news?
- Huh?

Lionel said you had something
exciting you wanted to tell us.

Oh, yeah. Um...

I hear joe namath is gonna come back
and play with the jets again next year.

Now, that's
exciting. Isn't it, tom?

I don't get it. I thought you had
some news about your family tree.

Well, lionel had
gotten it all wrong.

George just wanted to have
a little friendly get-together.

Oh! How nice.

No, that ain't it neither. Last night
there was a lot of bragging around here...

About ancestors and doctors and
senators and lords and ladies and...

George... Don't interrupt,
louise. I'm talking.

Well, after you left,
I found out that I was

Descended from a
royal tribe. I was a king.

A king? Hey, that's fantastic.

George... I'm still
talking, louise.

It's not so fantastic after all
because I found out I got a bum steer.

My people were slaves.

Not just here, but
over there too.

Well, now you know. Go
ahead and get your laugh.

Oh, george... Go ahead.
I got it coming to me.

You know, sometimes
you make me so mad,

And sometimes you
make me so proud.

- What was that for?
- I know why
she's proud, george.

Your family started at zero,
and look what you've got now.

A son going to
college, a lovely wife,

A successful business
and a beautiful apartment.

And you did it all by yourself.

That's right, buddy.

I don't need you
to tell me that.

That's what I've been
trying to tell you all along.

It don't matter where you come from.
It's where you're at now that counts.

But we thought you were
feeling down because...

Feeling down? What I
got to feel down about?

I ain't feeling
nothing but up. Ha!

I thought the king was dead.

But long live the king.

Of spades.

Hey, weezy, wait till
you see what I got.

- A gift for the willises.
- Oh, that's nice.

They gave us a gift, so I figured
we might as well give them one.

What did you get?
Matching bath towels.

His and hers.

♪♪

♪♪

The jeffersons was recorded on
tape in front of a studio audience.