[chuckles]
[liquid bubbling]
[thunder rumbling]
I'm a mad genius! A mad genius!
Today, Mockingbird Heights...
tomorrow, the world!
[door creaking]
Herman, is that you?
Yes, dear, it's me.
What's it like outside?
It was miserable for a while
until I started up the walk.
Then it suddenly turned nice.
See? The lightning
even hit my lunch box.
Sorry, dear.
[laughs]
Grandpa will be pleased.
He's been working all
afternoon on his instant weather.
Say, listen, is
Eddie in bed yet?
No, not yet.
He's in the living room
playing with a tape recorder.
One of his little
friends left it here today.
[kitten roaring]
Isn't that sweet? He's
recording our kitty cat.
Well, that's fine, but it's
getting rather late, dear.
It's time Eddie was in bed
and started lying awake all night.
You're right, dear. Why don't
you go in and say good night.
I'll go upstairs and get his
bed ready. All right, dear.
It's such a cold, clammy night.
I think I'll prop the lid open.
[kitten roaring]
Okay, kitty, one more time.
[kitten roaring]
Eddie, time for bed, Son.
In a minute, Pop.
Eddie.
Hey, Pop, why don't you record
your voice on the tape recorder...
so you can hear what you sound
like when you're yelling at us?
Not now, Son, maybe tomorrow.
But I can't. I have to take this tape
recorder back to Bud Willet tomorrow.
His father doesn't know
he brought it over here.
Go ahead, Pop.
No, Eddie, I'd be much too
embarrassed to talk into a microphone.
[chuckling]
Come on, Eddie. Up to bed.
Okay. Good night,
Pop. Good night, Eddie.
And horrible dreams.
[blowing]
Testing, one, two, three.
Testing, one, two, three.
[guffawing]
[Herman blowing]
(Herman) Testing, one, two,
three. Testing, one, two, three.
[guffawing]
Help! Help! Lily, help!
How silly, it's only us.
[roaring]
[raven crows]
Head for the hills!
It's King Kong!
Boy, am I scary or am I scary?
Herman, what are
you doing down there?
Be with you in a minute, dear.
Well, hurry up.
Grandpa turned off the storm and
all this quiet is making me nervous.
Yes, dear.
Oh, that husband of mine.
What could be keeping him?
[clanking]
♪ My toe bone's
connected to my foot bone ♪
♪ My foot bone's
connected to my heel bone ♪
♪ My heel bone's
connected to my ankle bone ♪
♪ That's how they
connected those dry bones ♪
♪♪[scatting]
[crowing]
Sing it, Charlie. Sing it!
♪ My leg bone's connected
to my knee bone ♪
♪ My knee bone's
connected to my thigh bone ♪
♪ My thigh bone's
connected to my hip bone ♪
♪ That's how they
connected those dry bones ♪
♪♪[scatting]
[roaring]
♪ Back with Dr. Frankenstein
is where my story starts ♪
♪ Everything I have
may not be mine ♪
♪ But I'm a gentleman of parts ♪
♪ My back bone's connected
to my shoulder bone ♪
♪ My shoulder bone's
connected to my neck bone ♪
♪ My neck bone is
bolted to my head bone ♪
♪ And that's how
Herman was born ♪
[roaring]
♪ I was assembled ♪
[stomping foot] ♪
And that's how ♪
♪ A Hermie-baby was born ♪♪
[laughing]
[roaring]
[creaking]
So long, everybody.
Goodbye, Eddie. You be a
rotten little boy in school today.
And if you play
any rough games...
be sure to protect
those dear little ears.
Okay, Mom.
Aren't you leaving early
this morning, Eddie?
Yeah, that's on
account on the way...
I gotta drop off Bud Willet's
tape recorder at his house.
Well see you.
Bud Willet left his
tape recorder here?
Yes, he and Eddie were
playing with it yesterday.
I don't think
they hurt it any...
but whoever turns it on may
hear some pretty childish noises.
[both laughing]
(Herman on tape recorder) ♪ My shoulder
bone's connected to my neck bone ♪
♪ My neck bone is
bolted to my head bone ♪
♪ And that's how
Herman was born ♪
♪ I was assembled ♪
♪ And that's how ♪
♪ A Hermie-baby was born ♪♪
It's a switch anyway, d*ck.
Yes. Who's the singer?
I don't know, Bill.
I got this tape in the
mail about a week ago...
and it had three or
four audition tunes on it.
And my kid was fooling
around with the machine...
and apparently he erased
everything on it but this one.
I got to admit I've never heard
it sung quite like that before.
Has kind of a
out-of-this-world type quality.
Yeah, and that guitar
has a new sound.
You know, just for kicks, I
think I'll play it on my 6:00 show...
and see if we get any reaction.
You don't think it's
too corny? Too corny?
With the way the music
business is today...
I just hope it's corny enough.
Marilyn, Eddie, dinner is ready.
Here we are!
[exclaims]
[clucking]
Marilyn, take the chicken
back to the kitchen.
I'm afraid it's not quite done.
Looks good to me.
Grandpa!
♪♪[music playing on radio]
Eddie, now I told you not to
bring that radio to the table.
Turn it off!
But, gee, Mom, they play
neat music on this program.
(d*ck on radio) And now for a
sound that's really different...
here is an
unreleased recording...
by an artist whose
name we don't even know.
Eddie, will you do as your
mother says and turn that off?
They play nothing but
rotten junk on that program.
♪♪[Herman scatting]
(Herman) ♪ My toe bone's
connected to my foot bone ♪
♪ My foot bone's
connected to my heel bone ♪
♪ My heel bone's
connected to my ankle bone ♪
♪ That's how they
connected those dry bones ♪
♪♪[Herman scatting]
♪ My leg bone's connected
to my knee bone ♪
Junk is right.
It sounds almost as bad as
Herman singing in the shower.
Just listen to that awful voice.
♪♪[Herman scatting]
[laughing]
Will you listen to that guy?
It sounds like a
werewolf with laryngitis!
Yeah, you're right.
Even I wouldn't want to
listen to that while I'm eating.
It's the worst thing I have ever
heard. Don't you agree, Herman?
Oh...
Well, I...
You don't mean
you're so tone-deaf...
you actually like
that horrible singing?
Well, gosh, I... No!
No!
It sounds just like...
What was it, Grandpa?
A werewolf with laryngitis.
That's it, a werewolf
with laryngitis.
[laughing]
Hey, how about all that mail?
It's an avalanche!
All of these people
requesting that crazy song.
Listen to these, I just
pulled these this morning.
All right.
"A really different
singer." Different singer.
"A simple, unaffected
voice." Simple, unaffected.
"A modern-day minstrel."
Modern-day minstrel!
Here's one.
Hmm.
"Poignant." Poignant.
"Sexy." Sexy.
Sexy?
That's from the
old ladies' home.
Sexy.
You know, Bill, this could be...
the biggest gimmick
we have ever had.
You going to keep playing him on
the air? Day and night, I'm going to.
I don't know who he is, but this
mystery singer has something.
He could be the biggest
thing since Burl Ives...
put a blue-tail fly in
every ear in America.
Good luck.
(d*ck on radio) Ladies
and gentlemen...
please listen carefully to the
first few bars of this next number.
♪♪[Herman scatting]
Oh my, there's that
terrible record again.
(Herman) ♪ My heel bone's
connected to my ankle bone ♪
♪ That's how they
connected those dry bones ♪
♪♪[Herman scatting]
(d*ck) Yes, that's the song...
we've had thousands of
requests for in the past week.
Ladies and gentlemen, this
station is repeating its previous offer.
If the mystery singer who
made this overnight hit record...
will contact this station...
there's a five-year recording
contract waiting for him.
[laughing]
Isn't that ridiculous?
Offering a contract to a
no-talent bum like that.
If you can identify
that singer...
please, ladies and gentlemen...
phone this station
at Zenith 9460.
That's Zenith 9460.
[mumbling]
Zenith 9460. Herman,
what are you mumbling?
The telephone number
of the radio station. Why?
Because it just so happens
that I'm the no-talent bum...
to whom the man was referring.
You mean, you were singing
that awful song on the radio?
I don't believe it.
I don't believe it either!
Would you believe it if I
sang a few bars, Mr. Willet?
Fine.
[blowing]
♪ My toe bone's
connected to my foot bone ♪
♪ My foot bone's connected
to my ankle bone ♪
♪ My... ♪♪
He believes it.
Gee, Pop, my own father
on the radio! Herman!
[stuttering]
Please, please, family, family.
You must remember one
thing: when a star is phoning...
you must keep your voice down.
(Grandpa) Oh, boy!
Now, about that recording
contract, d*ck, baby...
(d*ck on radio) Yes, that
was Herman Munster's...
sensational
runaway hit record...
that's been in third place in the
Top 40 for two consecutive weeks!
Go, baby, go!
Uncle Herman, please! Come
quick. What's the matter, dear?
It's Grandpa, his lightning
machine is on fire...
and if you don't come down and help
him put it out, it'll just blow up the lab!
Tell dear Grandpapa that I'm
much too busy to see him right now.
Perhaps he could arrange an
appointment with me next Tuesday.
But Uncle Herman... [expl*si*n]
[crashing]
Will you please try and knock off
the noise? I'm trying to concentrate.
[popping]
[crashes]
[popping]
Herman, it's 5:00 in the morning,
an hour past your bedtime.
What on earth are you doing?
[popping]
I'm merely making sure
that I'll look my best...
when I sing my hit
record on TV tomorrow.
[chuckling]
Television?
You're going on television?
[popping]
That's right, dear.
Mr. Willet has his
own weekly TV show...
and he's been smart
enough to beg me...
to appear on it tomorrow night.
Herman, I know you're
handsome and loaded with charm...
but you've never had any
experience in front of a camera.
Have no fear, Lily.
If the fans are thrilled
just by hearing my voice...
imagine how they'll
flip when my face...
comes right into
their living room.
[cracking]
Lily, dear, why don't
you go to sleep?
I'm going downstairs
just for a little while.
I want to exercise
my golden voice.
♪♪[singing]
Herman's been
acting so hammy lately.
I wonder what would happen
if he became a really big star?
Will success spoil
Herman Munster?
♪ I love you love you, baby
and all that kind of groovey junk ♪
[crowd cheering]
♪ If you'll be my
swinging baby ♪
♪ I will be your
ever lovin' punk ♪
♪♪[scatting]
[gasps]
Heavens to Betsy.
Worse still...
what if he became a
singing star in pictures?
Thank you.
[audience applauding]
Oh.
I would like to thank
all the little people...
who worked so hard to
make this picture a success.
I would like to thank them, but I
really can't, because I did it all myself.
[audience applauding]
[chuckles]
Of course, being
the wife of a big star...
would have its compensations.
[sighs]
Now, Mr. Munster, would
you mind telling the court...
just why you're
divorcing your wife, Lily...
after 100 years of marriage?
Not at all.
My psychiatrist advises me...
that as an award-winning
box-office giant...
my monumental ego
requires that I change wives...
as often as I change my socks.
Why that no-good,
two-timing, tone-deaf ham!
[grunting]
I hate to do this, but we've
simply got to find some way...
to nip Herman's
career in the bud.
That dream I had last night was the
straw that broke the dragon's back.
I know, I know.
He's become such a ham,
he's impossible to live with.
I asked him to sign my
report card this morning...
but he said, "Please,
sonny, no autographs."
Now, let me see
what we have here.
"A falling star potion."
"Box-office poison."
[laughing] Here it is. The
recipe for "Nuthin' muffins!"
Nuthin' muffins? Yes.
One bite out of a nuthin'
muffin is guaranteed...
to turn anything
good into nothing.
Do you think they'll
work? Will it work?
Thirty years ago in Detroit,
a fellow ate a batch of them.
The next day he sat down
and designed the Essex.
Fine. Well, I'll run up...
and make a whole batch
of nuthin' muffins now.
Good.
Oh-oh.
Herman's been on a diet ever
since he found out about going on TV.
He won't even touch starches.
Don't you worry about it.
You just go ahead and make
that batch of nuthin' muffins.
Grandpa will see
that he eats one...
if I have to jam
it down his throat.
[both laughing]
Herman, are you sure
you don't want a muffin?
Thank you very much, dear,
but no. I'm on a very strict diet.
Anyway, I want to run
over my song once...
before I go down
to the TV station.
All right, Herman,
anything you want.
Lily.
That's the signal. Load!
Aim.
♪ My toe bone's
connected to my foot bone ♪
Fire!
♪ My foot bone's... ♪♪
[gulping]
[in squeaky voice] ♪ My heel
bone's connected to my ankle bone ♪
♪ That's how they connected
That's how they connected ♪
♪ That's how they
connected those dry bones ♪
♪♪[scatting]
What happened? What happened?
My voice! My voice! My golden throat!
Is something amiss,
star? Grandpa, please!
♪ My toe bone's
connected to my foot bone ♪
♪ My foot bone's
connected to my... ♪♪
Help! Help! I'm
ruined! Finished! Kaput!
Calm down, Herman.
I can't calm down! I'm finished!
I'm finished! I'm finished!
Do you hear? I'm finished!
Take that! And that, and that...
and that, and that, and that!
Now, Poopsie, simmer down.
You just have to
learn to face reality.
Cancel your TV appearance!
I can't! I can't! I
can't! I can't! I can't!
Yes, you can, dear.
Well, if I do... Yes, Herman?
If I do, will you buy
me a new guitar?
Of course, dear.
[laughing]
[exclaims]
Honest, Uncle Herman,
we did what we did...
because we all love you so much.
Marilyn's right, dear.
We all realized that your
becoming a big recording star...
was changing all those
sweet, lovable qualities...
that were built into you
from the beginning...
and it was turning you into
something weird and strange.
Sure, Pop. No kid
wants a freak for a father.
Mom and Marilyn and
Grandpa and I did what we did...
because we want the guy
who makes us feel like a family.
Well, golly, gee,
now that you all...
put it that way, I don't
feel so badly about...
losing out on a big
career and breaking...
my expensive
guitar and everything.
You've opened my eyes,
and I'm going to do it.
[clears throat]
I'm going to quit
the star business.
Herman, I hate to say
this, you're a pretty nice guy.
You're no Norman Vincent
Peale, but you're a pretty nice guy!
Well, I guess that
just about sums it up.
I'm gonna go up to
bed and hit the hay.
No, Herman. Just a minute.
Not until we sing this little
song for you. Now, ready?
A-one, a-two, a-three.
[all in squeaky voices] ♪
For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
♪ Which nobody can deny ♪♪