♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪
♪ To a deluxe apartment ♪
♪ In the sky ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪
♪ We finally got a
piece Of the pie ♪
♪ Fish don't fry
In the kitchen ♪
♪ Beans don't
burn On the grill ♪
♪ Took a whole lot of tryin' ♪
♪ Just to get up that hill ♪
♪ Now we're up
In the big leagues ♪
♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪
♪ As long as we live
It's you and me, baby ♪
♪ There ain't Nothin'
wrong with that ♪
♪ We're movin' on
up Movin' on up ♪
♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪
♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪
♪ Movin' on up Movin' on up ♪
♪ To the East
Side Movin' on up ♪
♪ We finally got a
piece Of the pie ♪♪
Tell the sultan I'm here.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
♪ The Sheik of Araby ♪
♪ Can have his way with me ♪♪
Hello. Oh, hi, Mr. Bentley.
I'm sorry to trouble you Mrs.
Jefferson, I was wondering
if I might borrow
something for my breakfast?
Oh, of course you can.
What would you like?
Your kitchen.
My kitchen?
If you'd rather
not, I understand.
Of course you
can use it, come in.
I know a woman's
kitchen is sacred to her.
Oh, you are very welcome.
We had a cook at home once
who wouldn't let my
mother into her kitchen.
But it was your mother's house,
how could the cook keep her out?
It was very simple, she
never told my mother
where the kitchen was.
Well, what would you like
me to make you for breakfast?
Oh, it's all right Mrs. J, I've
brought my own: kippers.
Oh, how nice. What are kippers?
Ah, the treasure of the deep.
Oh, herring.
But not just herring,
smoked herring.
May I?
Be my guest.
Ah, Neptune's ambrosia.
This is awfully nice
of you I must say.
Oh, not at all, it's
nice to have company.
What is the matter
with your own kitchen?
My apartment's being painted
and I can't stand the smell.
You can't stand that smell?
And I can't stand
the color, either.
Well, didn't you choose your
own color for the apartment?
Yes. I chose a rather
zippy battleship gray.
Well?
And my girlfriend Daphne
chose shocking pink.
And Daphne won?
Well, Daphne always wins.
I can't refuse her anything.
Not even me.
Mr. Bentley, don't you
think it'll be a good idea
if we switched on the fan?
Oh, dear, no. If we did that,
then we'd lose the marvelous
aroma of the kippers.
Oh, I never thought of that.
They're coming
along nicely, you see?
I'll give you a tip.
One must never
overcook a kipper,
so over you go,
you little nipper.
This may be the last
chance I get to cook my own.
An endangered species you know.
Kippers?
No, me.
I'm afraid Daphne's
about to pop the question.
She's going to ask
you to marry her?
What makes you think that?
She phoned a little while ago,
and asked me to meet
her at Charley's bar.
And she said she had something
very important to ask me.
Oh, well, that
could be anything.
And last week she asked for
more closet space in my apartment.
That could be something.
I'm just not ready
to settle down yet.
She's so wonderful I don't
know how I'll say no to her.
Oh, just come
right on out with it
and tell her you don't
want to get married.
I'm afraid it's not that simple.
You see, she's mad about me.
And uh, I fear it would
be a traumatic experience.
I can't stand tears.
You're like George. You
hate to see a woman cry.
No, I hate to see me cry.
Well, Daphne's not going
to force you to do
anything against your will.
When two people have
a real close relationship,
they learn to respect
each other's feelings.
Weezy, get out here now.
Of course, there's the
exception to every rule.
Weezy!
Coming, sweetheart.
Who are you yelling at?
We've got an emergency.
Where?
Coming up here any minute now.
What are you talking about?
The building
inspector, that's what.
He found something wrong
with the ventilators
in my best store.
If he gives me a citation I'm
going to have to close down.
Then why don't you
fix the ventilators?
Because all the sheet metal
workers are out on strike.
There's a funny
smell around here.
It's Mr. Bentley.
Oh.
But the inspector
can't close you down
without giving you a
warning first. Can he?
They gave us a
warning a month ago.
Only the stupid idiot who was
managing the store that day
didn't do anything about it.
Oh, that's terrible.
Did you fire him?
I couldn't. It was me.
You made a mistake?
Now look, Weezy,
it's no time for joking,
Inspector Keller's going
to be up here any minute.
What is that smell?
I tried to tell you,
Mr. Bentley's apartment
is being painted.
But what did the paint
it with? A dead fish?
Look never mind that.
Why is Inspector
Keller coming up here?
Because there can't
be any witnesses.
Huh?
Wait a minute.
How come Bentley's smell
coming out of our kitchen?
Hello, Mr. Jefferson.
What are those?
Kippers.
Where they come from?
I wouldn't know. Am
I my brother's kipper?
This is one weird dude.
You know, I can't eat a thing.
I've got butterflies in
my tummy thinking about
what I've got to say to Daphne.
Mrs. J, I'm going
to take your advice.
I'm going to tell her
straight out, I can't marry her.
Well, good luck.
Daphne, I cannot marry you.
Daphne, I won't.
Daphne, get up off your knees.
George, why is
Keller coming up here?
To see the work order I made out
to fix the ventilators
before the strike started.
Well, why didn't you
show it to him down there?
Because it ain't down there.
Then why don't you
take it down to him?
Because it ain't
up here neither.
There's no work order.
Now you're catching on.
But don't worry, Weezy,
I'll give him the old one-two.
And he knows one
hand dry-cleans the other.
What is...?
It's business talk, Weezy?
Look, and I don't want you here
when Keller comes, because
he might get embarrassed
for what I got to say to him.
What are you going to say?
I'm just going to say,
"Inspector Keller, here's $150."
That's bribery!
Look, Weezy,
everybody's got his price.
That's big business.
Look at the big oil companies
giving away millions
to foreign politicians.
But it's wrong.
Sure it's wrong.
And President Ford is going
to punish the oil companies.
He's letting them
raise gas prices.
It's still wrong, George.
Look, it ain't as if I'm
bribing a foreigner.
I'm giving it to a
loyal American.
George!
Don't worry, Weezy.
This inspector
looks real hungry.
He's going to grab that
money from my hand so fast,
he'll probably take a
couple of my fingers, with it.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Look, if that's anybody
but Inspector Keller,
tell them to get lost.
Hello, Louise.
Hello, Mother Jefferson.
George says, "Get lost."
Mama!
That's one of Weezy's
little jokes, Mama.
Daphne.
Harry, I'm so excited.
So, Daphne, you
look so marvelous.
Thank you.
It's such a pity I
have to be going.
Harry, I that's what I love
about you, your sense of humor.
No, actually, I'm
a very sad person.
I make everybody sad.
You see?
I bet your parents have a
wonderful sense of humor too.
I can't wait to meet them.
My goodness, you're
wearing my favorite outfit.
I've always loved it.
I've never worn it before.
Really? What are you drinking?
Orange juice.
Good, two double scotches, neat.
Now, can't you guess what
it is I'm going to ask you.
Speaking of guessing, I saw
the most marvelous quiz show
on the tele the other night...
I am dying to see the
lovely English Countryside
and the house
where you were born.
Now doesn't that
give you a clue?
Daphne!
There's something
that I must tell you first.
All right, Harry, but hurry
up. I can't wait much longer.
You see, there are times,
when it is right to
do certain things.
And there are times,
Daphne, when it is wrong
to do certain things.
You take the great
Canadian Honker.
Honker?
Magnificent bird,
but if he were to fly
south in the Summer
rather than in the Fall,
he would return
not in the Spring,
but in the Winter.
Not only would he
fail to reproduce,
he would freeze to death.
Now, that's bad timing.
Oh, what a beautiful
story, sweetheart.
Yes. Let me put it another way.
It was just one of those things,
♪ Just one of those
Fabulous flings ♪
♪ One of those... ♪♪
"Crazy."
I beg your pardon?
♪ Just one of those
Crazy flings ♪♪
Not "fabulous."
Really?
♪ Just one of those Crazy... ♪♪
No, I think it's "fabulous."
♪ It was just one
Of those things ♪
♪ Just one of those
Crazy things... ♪♪
"Crazy." You're
absolutely right.
Harry, please, what
did you want to tell me?
All right. I'll tell you
straight from the shoulder,
but it's not going to be easy.
Daphne.
Oh, Daphne.
I...
I have to go to the bathroom.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Get back in there!
But somebody's at the door.
Ain't somebody,
it's him, Keller.
I don't want anyone else around,
there can't be any witnesses.
I still think it's wrong.
Do your thinking in the kitchen.
Come in. Come in.
Thank you,
Mr. Jefferson. Bentley!
What are you doing here? I
want to use your bathroom.
Say what? I told
Daphne I was going
to the bathroom,
and I can't lie to her.
Use your own bathroom.
No, no, that's the
first place she'd look.
Hey Bentley, come out of there!
As soon as the coast is clear.
Look, I got an inspector
coming up here any second now.
You're going to ruin
everything. Come out of there.
Bentley, I got to be
alone when I talk to Keller.
Will you come out of there
before this dummy gets here?
Ahem.
Oh, hi, Inspector Keller.
Just call me dummy.
You weren't supposed
to hear that compliment.
Compliment? You called me dummy.
Oh, yeah, well I
was talking street talk
which means the opposite
of what I say. Uh-huh.
You know like if I was to
say something was "real bad,"
that means it's good. Really?
Uh-huh. And when you
call someone a "dummy,"
that means he's got a head
full of brains and smart as a whip.
I see. Oh, do come in.
Yeah, well I haven't got
much time Mr. Jefferson,
so if you'd just show
me that work order.
Oh, yeah, the work order, right.
Now let's see.
I can't seem to find it.
I know it's here someplace,
you could take my word for it.
Uh-uh, I'm afraid I can't.
See, before I can
give you the okay,
I got to see something,
something I can take with me.
Oh, yeah, right. Now
we're getting someplace.
I think I got just the
something you want to see.
Uh-huh, where is it?
Right here, in my pocket.
I should have looked
there in the first place.
There's something in your eye.
Hey, that's good. That's good.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Go away!
Why'd you say that? You
don't even know who it is.
I know what it
is. It's a witness.
Jehovah's?
Don't worry, George.
I'm not looking.
Hello.
How do you do?
Hello, Daphne.
Hello, Mrs. Jefferson.
Is Harry here?
No.
Oh, he's not in
his own apartment,
I thought he might be here.
I'm sorry to have bothered you.
Oh, that's all right.
Ah, Mrs. J, thank you for
the use of your... Daphne!
Harry.
So nice to see you.
You told me you were
going to the bathroom.
I did... I was... I didn't
say which bathroom.
Let's go, we've got
some talking to do.
Yeah, I really don't have...
Ah, Mr. J, I see
you have a guest.
Harry, let's go. Daphne,
let's not be rude.
We haven't introduced ourselves.
Let me do it for you.
Mr. Keller, this is
Bentley and that's Daphne
and that's the door.
Keller!
Did anyone ever
tell you that "Keller"
is the German word for "cellar"?
Yes.
Oh, too bad.
I would have loved
explaining it to you.
Would someone like coffee?
No, but I would
like an explanation.
So we're just going
to sit down over here
and you're not going
to get away from me
until you tell me
what this is all about.
This could take forever
because he doesn't know
what anything is about.
I think we should
leave these two alone.
No, Mrs. J, don't go.
We're going to need you.
What for?
In case a question comes up.
What question?
You see? One came up already.
Mr. Jefferson have you got
something to show me, or not?
Oh, yeah, let's
go into the kitchen.
Why?
Because the
light's better there.
What's wrong with
the light in here?
Too many people using it.
This is better?
Mama, what are you doing here?
I'm swimming the
English Channel.
Look, Mama, could you
excuse us for a minute, please?
Oh, you're trying to
tell me to get lost again.
No, Mama, look,
this gentleman...
Aren't those kippers?
Yes. Louise is finally learning
how to cook. They're delicious.
Louise didn't make them.
Oh, that explains it.
You know I haven't
had kipper in years?
Since I was a kid, I
used to love them.
Well, I can eat only one, so
why don't you join me, Mr...
Keller. You sure you don't mind?
George, get a
plate for Mr. Keller.
I thought you said you
didn't have any time?
There's always time for kippers.
Besides, I'm hungry.
Yeah, I was just
telling my wife that.
Uh, Mama, isn't it
time for your nap?
I'm not tired.
Well, you look tired to me.
Maybe it's that
new wrinkle you got.
Wrinkle? What wrinkle?
The one right there.
That's not a wrinkle,
that's just a tired line.
It'll be gone just as soon
as I take my beauty nap.
You'll see now.
Pleasant dreams.
Now, Inspector Keller, we
can get back to our business.
I think you I have the
something you want to see...
George?
Mama, why ain't you sleeping?
I didn't have my bloody mary.
You forgot to remind me.
Mama, you don't
need no bloody mary.
Don't just stand there,
George, get the ice.
I'll take care of the rest.
Can I make you one, Mr. Keller?
No, thanks, I never
drink while I'm on duty.
Oh, they're very healthy.
That's why I drink
them, for the vitamins.
Yeah, but, the vitamins
are in the tomato juice.
Why do you need the vodka?
It helps me digest the vitamins.
What about Bluebeard? Bluebeard
m*rder*d seven Mrs. Bluebeards.
Now he'd never have
been able to do that
if he was still a bachelor.
First Honkers, now
and now Bluebeard.
Please, Harry, say
what you're going to say
so I can say what
I'm going to say.
Mrs. J.
Mr. B, sometimes you
have to be cruel to be kind.
That's it... cruel.
Daphne.
Yes, Harry?
Oh, it's not going to work.
Time is up, Harry Bentley,
you speak to me right now.
All right. All right.
I can't while you're
looking at me.
At least face the other way.
Anything.
Daphne, you're a wonderful girl,
but I don't want to marry you.
What?
I know it's a shock,
but you'll get over me.
No matter how devastated
you may feel now.
Oh, please don't cry.
You know, nature has a way
of healing all wounds.
Daphne, don't jump!
I'm not worth it, Daphne!
Harry! You are wonderful
and sweet and kind,
but I don't want to
marry you, either.
You don't? No.
Then why were you so
anxious to see me today?
Because I'm leaving
for England tomorrow.
What?
Yes, my company
suddenly decided to send me,
and I wanted to ask you
where to stay and what to see,
and I knew you'd like it if I
stopped in to see your parents.
Oh.
So, everything's fine now.
You don't want to marry me.
Right. And I don't
want to marry you.
Right. It's wonderful.
There you go. All done.
Now you can go take your nap.
Well, it still needs
a dash of Tabasco.
You're going to set
your mouth on fire.
It's good for your arteries.
And it keeps the blood moving.
That was delicious.
Now Inspector,
back to our business.
You were going to show
me some sort of paper?
Oh, yeah. Take a look at this.
That's $150.
You add good.
When you winked at me before,
I should have known you
weren't trying to pick me up.
But I'm not that hungry.
Say what?
Don't you know that
attempted bribery
of a city official is
a serious offense?
Bribery? What bribery?
I ain't going to
offer you no bribery.
Then why have you got
that money in your hand?
Oh, um, I was just wondering
if you had change for $150.
And you knew all along I
didn't want to marry you?
Wait a minute, Keller!
I'm just doing my job.
I got to give you a citation
for those ventilators.
Harry, maybe I'm
just a country girl
from Issaquah, Washington.
Issaquah?
Yeah, you've heard of it?
Heard of it?
Everybody from North
Bend's heard of Issaquah.
You're from North Bend
for heaven's sakes?
Why don't you want to marry me?
Maybe we met, way back when.
Is there something
I've done or...
Maybe at a football game.
Your team always b*at us.
Ah, but your team always
had the prettiest cheerleaders.
Oh, thank you, I
was a cheerleader.
So was I.
Just tell me where I went wrong.
This is incredible,
you're the first person
from back home I've met
since I came to New York.
Same with me.
Your last chance,
Daphne. I'm warning you.
We ought to have lunch sometime.
What's wrong with right now?
What do you say?
I'd love it.
Wait, Daphne, you
can't leave me like this.
Sure she can. Have a nice lunch.
It's all right Harry,
we can still be friends.
I'm just as fond of
you as I ever was,
I'll call you later,
lovey, goodbye.
Congratulations, Mr. Bentley.
You finally told her.
Yes. I just hope
I wasn't too cruel.
What a girl. What a girl!
She got me off the hook.
Keller didn't give
me the citation.
I don't have to
close down the store.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Yeah, she's class, that Daphne.
Daphne is welcome here anytime.
Thank you.
Mr. Jefferson, I must tell
you, you did me a real favor
introducing me to Daphne.
You didn't have to come
all the way back here
to thank me for that.
Oh, but I did. See, if
Daphne hadn't reminded me,
I would have forgotten all
about giving you this citation.
Bye.
Don't you ever bring that
old dumb Daphne over here.
Thank you.
So everybody has
his price, huh, George?
I told you it was wrong.
What's your price
for shutting up? Huh?
You'll never learn,
will you? $50? Huh?
So you know... $100?
That ain't enough.
$150? Huh? Huh?
Do you take credit cards?
How about taking my life?
Weezy! It worked!
The judge let me off
with just a warning.
Oh, that's wonderful.
How'd you do it?
Well, I just told him
the truth, that's all.
It was all my fault.
But I said me and Lionel worked
the whole weekend
fixing the ventilators.
And that did it?
Yup. Didn't hurt
none when I told him
I had a wife lying
home in bed, helpless.
What?
Well, that's the way
you looked at me
this morning when I left.
Lying there, snoring away.
George.
Having a wife sure
comes in handy sometimes.
George, I've been
thinking about Mr. Bentley.
What would you have
done if I had said no
when you asked me to marry you?
I'd of k*lled myself.
You wouldn't.
Yes I would.
You'd of k*lled yourself
because of me?
No, because I spent my
last $50 bucks on that ring.
ANNOUNCER: The
Jeffersons was recorded on tape
in front of a studio audience.
02x04 - Harry and Daphne
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
Spinoff series from "All in the Family" is about literal upward mobility of couple George and Louise Jefferson who move into a swanky high-rise building.
Spinoff series from "All in the Family" is about literal upward mobility of couple George and Louise Jefferson who move into a swanky high-rise building.