03x07 - Lionel's Pad

[bunniefuu]

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ We've finally got
A piece of the pie ♪

♪ Fish don't fry
In the kitchen ♪

♪ Beans don't
burn On the grill ♪

♪ Took a whole lot of tryin' ♪

♪ Just to get up that hill ♪

♪ Now we're up
In the big leagues ♪

♪ Gettin' our turn at bat ♪

♪ As long as we live
It's you and me, baby ♪

♪ There ain't nothin'
Wrong with that ♪

♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To a deluxe
apartment In the sky ♪

♪ Movin' on up ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ To the East Side ♪
♪ Movin' on up ♪

♪ We've finally got
A piece of the pie ♪

Wee! Yeah!

Hey! Four. One,
two, three, four.

[CHORTLES]

Take a blue card.

Collect $10,000 from
every other player.

[LAUGHS]

Sorry, Weez.

Boy, you sure are lucky tonight.

Skill, baby, skill.

Well, that cleans me
out. I'm going to watch TV.

Hey, stay where you are.
I'll lend you the money.

Oh, thank you.

Here's $100.

A hundred dollars?

That ain't gonna
last me no time.

Why don't you make it
a couple of thousand?

A hundred's all you're getting.

He's even stingy
with play money.

Hey, Lionel.

Hi.

That job is really
keeping him jumping.

This is the third time this
week he's missed dinner.

With Florence cooking,
I don't blame him.

[LAUGHS]

If I remember right,
you asked for seconds.

That's because I was hoping
they'd be better than the first.

How was your day?

That good, huh?

Your turn.

George, can't we just call
the game? You're way ahead.

You mean quit? Ain't
nothing worse than a quitter.

Besides, it's still
anybody's game.

That's what's so great about it.

Go ahead.

Come on, bones.

Ain't no time for jive.

Do your stuff and give me five.

Have mercy!

One, two, three, four, five.

Now let's see what
my blue card says.

[LAUGHING]

Ooh-wee!

What you "ooh-wee" ing about?

"Player on your right
must give you all his money

and start game over."

[LAUGHS]

Let me see that.

Sorry about that, honey.

That ain't fair.

Stop acting like a baby.

Ain't nobody
acting like no baby.

Give me back my game.
You can't play with it no more.

Well, that's okay
for you, Georgie,

and Florence is not going to let
you play with her rubber ducky.

That's right.

Oh, Lionel, I saved some
dinner for you. I'll heat it up.

No, thanks, Mom.
I had dinner out.

How come you didn't
call and let us know?

I got so tied up
at work, I forgot.

Forgot? That's not
very considerate.

I'm sorry, Mom.

But starting Monday,

you won't have to worry about
me missing dinner anymore.

Why? What happens Monday?

Well, I'm moving out.

You're what?

I'm getting my own apartment.

Hey, Lionel, look, just because
your mother's on your case

for missing dinner...

No, that's not it, Pop.

Well, what is it, then?

Well, I just found a
place that's better for me.

What could be better than this?

A beautiful apartment,
a great neighborhood

and very reasonable
rent: nothing.

Anybody seen the TV Guide?

It's on the desk.

Lionel, don't you know how
hard it is to find a good apartment,

especially if you're black?

I already got one.

A guy from work is getting
transferred to Pittsburgh

and I'm taking over his
apartment in the Village.

You moving out?

Yeah, Florence. It'll
be a lot easier on me.

It'll be a lot easier on me too.

Now I won't have to worry
about cleaning your room no more.

What are you talking about?
You never cleaned his room.

I know, but now I don't
have to worry about it.

George, you're not going
to let him move out, are you?

Weezy, look,

if our son wants to move out
after all we've done for him,

I can't stop him.

Oh, Pop, don't put it like that!

No, no. Lionel, look.
You're a grown man now.

Now, if you want to break
your poor old mother's heart...

Old?

To say nothing of your
poor old father's heart,

who's even older than
your poor old mother.

Hey, now, come on, you two.

Now, look, it's not
that I want to leave,

but that new apartment
is just so convenient.

Now, right now I'm
spending two hours a day

riding to work then to
school then back home again.

I do more traveling
than the Globetrotters.

Oh, Lionel, I'll miss you.

Don't worry, Mom.
I'll be over to see you.

When?

Every now and then.

Now and then?

When's that? Once
a year? Twice a year?

Mom, do you still want me to
get my master's degree or not?

Of course... Then
don't pin me down.

Between classes
and work and studying,

I won't have time to see
much of anybody anyway.

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

Make an appointment
with him, Weezy.

Maybe we can get to
see him by next Christmas.

Oh, it's you.

Hi, Jenny.

Hi, honey.

Do you mind if I come in?

Lionel's so busy lately

the only time I get to see
him is when he comes home.

Yeah, well...
Yeah, that's right.

You only get a chance to see him
when he comes home, don't you?

Ah-ha-ha! Come in! Come in!

How good to see you.

[LAUGHS]

You're pleased to see me?

Of course I am.

Is everything all right?

You feel okay? Never
felt better in my life.

And how are you
today, Jenny, my dear?

I was feeling okay,
but I'm not so sure now.

Hi, Mrs. Jefferson.

Hi, Jenny.

Ain't that nice?

Aww!

[LAUGHING]

George, don't you
think we ought to...?

In a minute, Weezy, in a minute.

Look, my wife and I
have to have a little talk.

We don't want to
disturb you two lovebirds.

Lovebirds?

Yeah, make yourself
comfortable. We'll go in the kitchen.

The kitchen? But
we... In the kitchen!

I think Lionel has
something very interesting

to tell you, Jenny.

Oh, yeah? What's that?

I think he'd rather give
you the good news himself.

Will you stop pushing me
around like a piece of furniture?

Oh, I'm sorry, Weezy,
but I just feel so good.

You feel good?

How can you feel good
when you're losing your son?

We ain't losing a son,
we're gaining a son,

because we're losing
a daughter-in-law.

Sometimes you make as much sense

as Lester Maddox
running the NAACP.

Weezy, don't you understand?

He's not only
moving away from us,

he's also moving away from:

What?

From... You know!

"You know"?

[SHOUTING] Jenny!

Well, what's that got to do

with Lionel getting
a new apartment?

Did you call me, Mr. Jefferson?

What? Oh!

Oh. Yeah.

I just wanted to know if
you're having a good time.

Yeah, I guess so.
Oh, that's good.

That's good.

[LAUGHING]

Weezy, did you forget
what Lionel told us?

He won't have time to
see much of anybody,

and that includes
the zebra out there.

Don't call her that!

Look, Weezy.

He'll start taking new
girls up to his pad,

she'll find out and
they'll break up.

That's terrible.

That's life.

You're wrong, George.

Lionel and Jenny love
each other too much,

thank goodness.

That's the way of
the world, Weezy.

You know what they say
when two people are apart.

"Absence makes the
heart grow fonder"?

No, that ain't what they say.

They say, "Out of
sight, out of mind."

And the more he's out
of her sight, the better.

Hey!

Where are you going?

I just thought of something to
help furnish Lionel's apartment.

But, George...

Weezy, why don't
you talk to Jenny?

I know she must be
feeling pretty upset by now.

Aw!

What does he mean
I'm feeling upset?

Didn't Lionel tell you he's
moving into his own apartment?

Oh, sure. I know all about
it. Why should I be upset?

Well, you won't be
seeing so much of him.

I'll be seeing even more of
him. I'm moving in with him.

Well, that's nice.

You're what?!

She's coming with me.

But I thought you
understood that.

No, I didn't "understood" that!

You mean you're gonna...?

You're gonna...?

You're gonna...?

Live together.

Oh, boy.

Mrs. Jefferson,

this is a very important
part of Lionel's life

and I don't want to be left out.

Isn't she something?

But can't you wait
until you get married?

But we don't know
when that'll be, do we?

Yeah, and this will be
good practice for us.

That's one thing that
doesn't need practice.

Mom, this will give us a good
head start on our marriage.

Jenny, what about your folks?

Oh, they're all for it.

They are?

What did they say
when you told them?

Well, I don't have to tell
them. I know how they think.

Hey, hey, hey.

[LAUGHS]

Lionel, I got a little
surprise for you.

He's got a surprise
for you too, George.

GEORGE: Yeah, that's great.

Mine's first.

Da-da-da-da dum!
Here you go, Lionel.

A little something
special for your apartment.

Oh, your old boxing
trophy from the Navy.

That's great, Pop.

George, I think
there's something...

What did I tell you?
Knew he'd like it.

I didn't know you used
to box, Mr. Jefferson.

Yeah, Pop only had five fights

and he got knocked
out five times.

[LAUGHS]

They handed me
this trophy like this:

That'll look great
on the mantel, Pop.

Don't you think

you should consult your
roommate about it first?

Roommate? Hey!

I didn't know you were
sharing with a roommate.

That's great.

One of the guys from work?

No! It's me!

You?

Jenny's moving in with me.

She's gonna...?

She's gonna...?

No, she's not
gonna... She's gonna.

[GROANS]

Knockout number six.

Don't keep looking
at me like that.

Yeah, George, say something.

What the hell are
you two trying to pull?

Well, that was something.

Pop, we're not
trying to pull anything.

We just want to live together.

Yeah, that's what
lovebirds ought to do.

Don't you think
so, Mr. Jefferson?

No, I don't.

Neither do I.

Not until you get married.

Oh, Mom.

Now, you're making all this fuss

just because we don't
have a marriage license.

It's just a piece of paper.

So's a driver's license,

but if you drive without
it, you get arrested.

But what we're doing
isn't against the law.

It ought to be.

Well, if it were,
you'd have to arrest

half the people in this country.

That's okay with me.

Oh.

This is getting to be too much.

Uh... See you later. Okay.

Ahem! Wait a minute, Jenny.

Um, Jenny.

Now, you know

I've always said you were
a smart girl, don't you?

No, I didn't know.

Oh, yeah. I'm
always saying that.

To who?

[STAMMERING]

To Lionel.

Ain't I always
saying she's smart?

No. See, that's his trouble.

He never listens to me.

All right, Mr. Jefferson,
I'm smart enough to know

that when you say that I'm
smart, you're up to something.

Don't get smart with me!

All right. What do
you wanna say?

Okay, Jenny, now, you want
Lionel to get ahead, don't you?

Sure, I do. Mm-hm.

And you know he's
got a lot of studying

and hard work ahead
of him, don't you?

Sure. Okay.

Now, when a man has to choose
between his work and a woman,

what does he choose?

He chooses work.

That's right. He
chooses... No, he don't.

And you know it, Weezy.

Lots of times I think about you
rather than something important.

Keep talking, George,

and none of us will
be living together.

Let me assure
you, Mr. Jefferson,

when Lionel's got work to
do, I'll stay out of his way.

If that's all that's
both... That ain't all.

What about when
he ain't working?

Then we'll play house.

This is nothing to joke about.

Mom, we're not
doing anything wrong.

We love each other.

We just wanna be together.

See, that's easy for Lionel
to say because he's a man.

But I'm surprised at you, Jenny.

I didn't think you
were that kind of a girl.

What kind of a girl?

You know. They
got a name for it.

Oh! Hey, Pop!

Uh, Jenny, he doesn't
know what he's saying.

That's true most
of the time, isn't it?

Good thing you found out about

that nasty temper of
hers before it's too late.

Hey, Lionel, you come back here!

You're not leaving
till we get this settled.

Jenny and I are
gonna move in together

and there's nothing
you can do about it.

Oh... Oh, yes, there is.

I'll disown you.
That's what I'll do.

No, you can't.

Because you don't
own me in the first place.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Isn't this nice?

Mm-hm.

I can't remember the last time

we were able to spend a
nice quiet evening together.

I can.

Last April when
you had laryngitis.

Hold it. Gotcha.

Hey, you two aren't
supposed to be acting like that.

You're married.

Who's acting?

JENNY: Ho-ho!

Oh! Mwah! Mwah!

What was that for?

Oh, that was for how lucky I
am to have parents like you two.

Okay. How much do you need?

No, I'm serious.

You two are the greatest.

I'm not gonna deny it. Are you?

How can I? It's true.

But what took you
so long to find out?

Oh, I just spent some
time with Mr. Jefferson.

That'll do it.

What's old crazy
George up to now?

Oh, he's really
out of it, you know?

His head's so far back, nobody's
at where he's coming from.

That's interesting.

I don't know what it
means, but it's interesting.

She means he's old-fashioned.

TOM: Oh. Old-fashioned! Huh!

You should have heard the way
he sounded off at Lionel and me.

Wait a minute. At you?

Why at you?

Just because I told
him I was gonna

go live with Lionel
in his new apartment.

Right, right.

Oh, no, no.

Now, now, you shouldn't
tease George like that.

Hold it.

You know he's got
no sense of humor.

Tom, I don't think she's joking.

What?

Well, I'm sorry I
didn't tell you earlier,

but, I mean, like I
told Mrs. Jefferson,

I knew you'd say it was okay.

Oh. Oh, so you
knew that, did you?

You're going off
to live with Lionel?

Yes!

He's got a great place
near where he works.

I'm gonna help him decorate it,

get some new drapes,
hang some pictures.

Oh, well, I'm glad you
finally told us, Jenny.

So am I.

Now I'll tell you something.

Forget it.

What?

You heard your
mother. Forget it, Jenny.

Oh, what? You're kidding, right?

Do you see us laughing?

Wait a minute. Come on!

I mean, I thought
at least that you two

were living in this century.

Oh, what happened
to the great liberals?

Jenny Willis, you are
not moving in with Lionel.

But how can you react this way?

All right.

Give me one good,
rational reason

why I shouldn't
move in with him.

All right. I will.

It's because...
Helen, give her one.

All right.

You are not
moving in with Lionel

because we say so!

Mama, that's ridiculous!

Young lady, don't talk
to your mother like that.

I have made the decision.

[ALL SHOUT]

Lionel, you come out of there!

Do you hear me?

Lionel!

[CLEARS THROAT]

Lionel, this is your
father speaking.

Listen to your mother.

[MOUTHS WORDS]

Lionel, please come out
and let's talk about this calmly.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh! Weezy, you stay here.

If he comes out, grab him.

Bentley, what do you want?

I'd like to have a look at
your john, if you don't mind.

Sorry, but my john
ain't open to the public.

Oh, no, Mr. Jefferson,
you don't understand.

It's not that I like
looking at johns.

I want to see how it works.

Why can't you look
at your own john?

Ah, there's the rub,

as the masseur
said to the actress.

See, my own john isn't working.

Well, that's not quite true.

It won't stop working.

It keeps on going
even when I'm not.

Bentley, look, I'm busy.

It's something to do
with that little thingamajig

which isn't attached properly
to that, uh, whatchamacallit

so that the... The whosie
won't go down right, you know?

You understand?

I never understand you.

Do what you wanna
do and get outta here.

Ah, bless you, Mr. J.

Hello, Mrs. J. I'm going
to have a look at your loo.

My what?

Loo.

Oh, that's British for "toilet."

You know, "loo" as in Waterloo.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

Is Lionel ever gonna
come out of his room?

No.

I'm afraid all we are doing

is turning him more
and more against us.

He's just being
stubborn and bullheaded.

Now, I wonder who
he got that from.

Oh, come on, Weezy.
Now, don't blame yourself.

If he leaves like this,
it'll break up the family.

I won't let him leave.

We can't stop him.

Maybe it'll be better
if we just tell him,

"Okay. Go live together."

No way.

Is that what you really want?

No.

But I don't wanna
lose Lionel either.

GEORGE: Oh, come
on, Weezy. Now, don't cry.

LOUISE: I can't help it.

What are we gonna do, George?

We're gonna go up to
the Willises and make them

keep their mixed-up
daughter away from our son.

Oh, but, George...

Oh, Jenny... Keep moving.

Act like you don't see nobody.

Lionel?

Lionel, are you in here?

BENTLEY: He's in his room.

What?

Oh! Oh, Mr. Bentley, it's you.

Yes. I'm trying
to fix my toilet.

Oh, you mean, you're trying
to fix Mr. Jefferson's toilet?

Oh, no. His toilet
works perfectly.

Oh, right!

[DOOR CLOSES]

Hi. Did you talk to
your folks? Yeah.

Ah. I'll bet they didn't object.

You lose. What?

I say, let me be the first
to congratulate you two.

Oh, you know about us, huh?

Yes. I got a flash
between flushes.

And you don't see
anything wrong in it, do you?

Of course not. Everyone should
be allowed to lead his own life.

Exactly.

That's all we're trying
to do, Mr. Bentley.

Yes, the trouble
with some people

is that they won't bend to
see the other's point of view.

True. They only
wanna see their side.

Right.

Rather like my mother
and my brother Malcolm.

They had a problem too?

Just like yours.

Mother never could
understand Malcolm.

I remember he had this
gorgeous girlfriend, Gwyneth,

tall, blond, with
a fabulous seat.

Oh. Ha-ha.

Mr. Bentley!

Oh, no. No, that means
she was a fine horsewoman.

I always wanted
a seat like hers.

What happened?

Well, Malcolm was what
you might call a free spirit.

He only had to hear "don't"
from Mother, and he did.

So he and Gwyneth
went off to live together

in a cottage in Wales.

Oh, a cottage in Wales?

That sounds so romantic.

Oh, it was.

And Mother was so upset,

she swore she'd never speak
to either one of them again.

But their life together
was so happy

that after a couple of years,
they decided to get married.

All right!

Yes, they had a huge wedding.

They invited the whole family.

I remember everybody came

except, of course, Mother.

She was still against them, huh?

No. She had d*ed just a
couple of months earlier.

Oh.

They said it was
pneumonia, but...

[SHOUTING]
Sure, it's your fault!

Can't you control
your own daughter?

Can't you control your own son?

He ain't to blame. Jenny is.

And I suppose Lionel
had nothing to do with it.

Of course he did,
but that's nature.

A man is supposed
to say, "What about it?"

The woman is
supposed to say "No."

My son did what he
was supposed to do.

Your daughter didn't.

That's not the stupidest
thing I'll ever hear,

because I know
you'll keep talking.

Oh, yeah? HELEN: Oh, yeah.

Listen, folks. Jenny and
I have something to say.

You've said enough already.

I don't wanna hear no more.

We've decided not
to move in together.

I said I don't wanna
hear... Say what?

That's right, Pop.

We've thought the
whole thing over.

I'm not moving out.

Jenny and I are not
gonna live together.

Ah!

That's wonderful.

What made you change your mind?

Mr. Bentley's brother Malcolm.

Well, when did you meet him?

We never have.

I don't understand.

Well, Mr. Bentley
told us this jive story

about how his mother
d*ed of a broken heart.

His mother's not dead.

Yeah. We knew
he was making it up.

But he was trying to help

and it did make us think.

What are they talking about?

What difference does it make?

Everything is okay. They
ain't gonna move in together.

Ain't that right, son?
That's right, Pop.

That's my boy. All right.

We've decided to get
married sooner instead.

What?!

I thought you'd be happy, Pop.

That's just what
you've been pushing for.

HELEN: How soon?

Very soon.

Oh!

Oh, Helen!

Louise!

George! Don't touch me!

George!

[♪♪♪]

ANNOUNCER: The
Jeffersons was recorded on tape

in front of a studio audience.

♪ Movin', movin' on up... ♪♪