06x25 - England Show II: Wastin' the Company's Money

[bunniefuu]

Last week on
Married... With Children:

the Bundys thought they
won a free trip to England.

Whoa, England!

And the D'Arcys
decided to go along.

But there's a catch
for the Bundys:

an ancient English curse
that dates back to 1653.

And so that ye and all
your male descendants

will be hated in
this place forever,

Lower Uncton shall
always be in darkness.

The only way the
curse can be lifted

is if Al and Bud are k*lled

within the town limits
of Lower Uncton.

That is the job
of these two men.

But if Lower Uncton
gets the sun back,

the neighboring
town of Upper Uncton

will lose their tourist trade.

So these two men have to
k*ll the Bundys in London.

And these two want to
k*ll the Bundys anywhere,

since they drove off with
their luggage and money.

They have only one friend:

the dog they left behind.

I don't care who kills them,

as long as they
come back in a box.

And now Married...
With Children continues.

Mm-mm.

Mmah!

Boy, is that good.

Uh... gentlefolk?

Hm?

Uh, listen, when we said, um,

"all expenses paid," we, uh...

We didn't really mean a
river suite at the Savoy.

I'll have you know, sir,

that we are accustomed
to the finer things in life.

Mom, what's this?

It's a fork, honey.

Oh, cool.

I, uh, guess somebody
should have told that toilet

the Yanks were coming.

You know, family...

Salem here...

Winston. The name is Winston.

Like it matters.

Anyhow...

we are guests in his
lovely little country.

And since he is paying the tab,

let's go easy on the guy
and curb our expenses.

Thank you very
much, young philistine.

You know, honey...

Mm? ...except for the fact
that you and the kids are here,

this is like a second
honeymoon. Ha-ha.

Come look at the view
with me, sweetheart.

There is something so infectious

about this country.

I can just feel the class
rubbing off on us. Huh.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Humma.

Humma?

Humma.

Hey.

It's a vegetable.

Um... listen, um...

you like rolls, do you?

Um, or what do you
folks call them, "humma"?

Is that it? Um, listen,

Lower Uncton is
the home of humma.

Who's with me? Yeah?

Hey, now.

All right, Bundys. You're dead.

What?

Ho! Ha. Ooh-la-la.

Room service. Hm.

Well, we didn't order anything.

This is compliments of the house

for spending £5000 in one day.

This is a delicate French
dessert called A-b*mb.

Ooh!

Mwah. You must
eat it very slowly,

particularly the males.

Bon appétit.

Let me get a little
bit of that now.

Good. Good.

The Savoy.

At last we found the Bundys.

Now we can get our
luggage and our money,

and enjoy the trip.

Yeah. Come on!

Here you go, my good man.

Whoa.

So once again, I'd, uh,

just like to thank you

for being so very, very careful

amongst all these
valuable antiques.

Hey. Hey, look here, kids.

My hand is stuck in a vase.

Oh, my hand's stuck in the vase.

Help me. Help me. Just kidding.

Hey, hey.

Hey, look, here's a
place we haven't been yet:

"The London Dungeons."

I wanna see something scary.

Well, then, take a look at this.

Hey, Menthol.

Uh...

where in this burg can a
man get a copy of Big 'Uns?

Big 'Uns?

Oh! Yes, well, um...

in this country we call them,

uh, booby racks.

There you go.

Well, let's go see some sights.

But first, since we
have to get some gifts

for the people back home,

everybody loot
something valuable.

Let's go. Come on.

Oh, I like this.

k*lled a fish, let's go.

We're just Americans.

Why'd they run?

Oh, they must have been French.

Takes so little.

Hey. It's Jack the Ripper.

Think it's moving.

Of course he's moving, Kel.

He sees a harlot.

Daddy, I think the
statue's moving.

Ah, no, it's not.
Now, don't be scared.

Here. Watch this.

See that? If it were alive,

I would have just
broken its neck.

No man could have taken
that without screaming.

Come on, pumpkin, let's go.

I'm bored.

Let's go spend some
more of Winston's money.

Yeah. Oh.

♪ I'm too sexy for my shirt ♪

♪ Too sexy for my
shirt So sexy, it hurts ♪

♪ And I'm too sexy for Milan ♪

♪ Too sexy for Milan
New York and Japan ♪

♪ And I'm too sexy
For your party ♪

♪ Too sexy for your party
No way I'm disco dancing ♪

♪ I'm a model You
know what I mean? ♪

♪ And I do my little
turn On the catwalk ♪

♪ Yeah, on the catwalk
On the catwalk, yeah ♪

♪ I do my little turn
On the catwalk ♪

♪ I'm too sexy for my car ♪

♪ Too sexy for my
car Too sexy by far ♪

♪ And I'm too sexy for my hat ♪

♪ Too sexy for my hat What
do you think about that? ♪

♪ I'm a model You
know what I mean? ♪

♪ And I do my little
turn On the catwalk ♪

♪ Yeah, on the catwalk
On the catwalk, yeah ♪

♪ I shake my little
tush On the catwalk ♪

♪ I'm too sexy for my ♪

♪ Too sexy for my ♪

♪ Too sexy for my ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a model
You know what I mean? ♪

♪ And I do my little
turn On the catwalk ♪

♪ Yeah, on the catwalk
Yeah, on the catwalk, yeah ♪

♪ I shake my little
tush On the catwalk ♪

♪ I'm too sexy for my cat ♪

♪ Too sexy for my cat
Poor p*ssy, poor pussycat ♪

♪ I'm too sexy for my love ♪

♪ Too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me ♪

♪ And I'm too
sexy For this song ♪

Excuse me, sir. Hm?

That will be £5000, please.

For the...

I didn't forget to pay, did I?

Easily done, sir. Easily done.

Where's that £5000 then?
Got it here somewhere. Mm.

Here's the money
from the village.

Brilliant. Well done.

Where did you get the money?

We sold your farm.

You what?

Uh, we're ready to go

to Lower Uncton now.

Well, mole-boy. "Arevadouche."

Here's where I leave you.

What are you talking about?

We're going to Lower Uncton now.

Not me. I didn't come all
this way to spend my vacation

in a one-whore town.

I'm a city girl. And I'm
staying right here in...

Wait. Where are we?

London. Exactly.

And you don't think Mom and
Dad will notice you're gone?

Nope. it's all
been taken care of.

Well, pumpkin, what do you
think of London now, huh?

Good, good.

Here we are. This is
where you'll be staying.

Ah.

Our own castle.

Isn't it awfully dark for noon?

Um, no. Not for England.

Oh, Al. Our own castle.

It's just like out
of a storybook.

Isn't it romantic?

Yeah, sure, babe.

Uh, listen, uh, Smokey... Mm-hm.

I, uh, want separate rooms.

And, uh...

I'd like a guard
outside of mine, please.

Don't worry, sir.

We know exactly
where to put you.

You hear that, kids?

We hear you, Dad. Right, Kel?

Duh.

I sure hope this
place is heated,

'cause it'd be a damn
shame to come all this way

to catch our deaths.

You get it?

Follow me, please,

and I'll show you
to your quarters.

Let's go, kids.

Al. Have you seen Kelly?

Bud's carrying her.

Bad news.

We can't hang
'em until tomorrow.

Why not?

The scaffolding's not here.

We had to sell some of
the wood to buy nooses.

Oh, yes. And, um...

what do you plan to
hang the nooses from?

Well, we've thought of that.

We're gonna have two of
our taller fellas hold them.

I don't wanna hear any more.

Right. We're just
gonna have to s*ab them.

But the village children

were so looking
forward to a hanging.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Oh, the children.

Ah.

I think I'll buy one. Heh.

What is this thing, Dad?

Well, son, this being
England and all,

I believe it's, uh...

And correct me
if I'm wrong, Igor

uh...

Stonehenge.

Oh, blimey. You
nearly had it there, sir.

Actually, this is the
speaker's podium

for the festival tomorrow,

at which you and your son

will be our honored guests.

You see that, son.

Even the English know
that men are better.

Yes. Right this way, please.

You know, I feel
right at home here.

I think I could
stay here forever.

Me too, Dad.

Oh.

You know, Al...

since we're in a castle...

crown me, baby.

Ah, what the hell.

It's the first thing I had
to pay for the whole trip.

All right, Peg, go
ahead and say it.

What am I, baby?

You're the king, baby.

Make me believe it.

Well, who's gonna
make me believe it?

Oh, all right.

You're the king, baby.

Good enough.

Ooh. ooh.

Excuse me.

Some of the area
children would like to have

their pictures taken with you.

With me?

But I'm just a regular joe

that played high
school football,

scored four
touchdowns in one game.

Last city championship
Polk High ever won.

I understand.

Bring those starstruck
young'uns in.

Come on, kid.

There we go.

See how they love me, Peg?

Say your prayers.

Uh. All right, out
we go. Come on.

There we go.

Ah, ya see, Peg, you
gotta give something back.

Mm-hm.

Can you feel the
history in the room, Peg?

Oh, I know.

You know, Igor was telling me

that they say Bud's
room is haunted.

I didn't tell him, though.

You know how jumpy he is.

Well, good. Because what
he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Good evening, Bud.

We are the ghosts
of your ancestors.

Beware.

You will die in the morning.

Run.

Run while you still can!

Wanna buy some shoes?

Just a moment, gentlemen.

Hey. How come only you
get to eat the candy bar?

'Cause I was the
one who found it.

Yeah, well, I'm the
one who pointed out

the baby who was holding it.

Well, maybe next
time you'll have the guts

to do something about it.

Well, at least we'll
be warm tonight.

Mm. Warm and entertained...

thanks to these
free theater tickets

those nice people gave us.

Instead of food or
money or lodgings.

Hey, I've never heard
of this show before.

They say it's the
longest-running show

in London's history.

Tickets, please. Thank you.

Bad Americans.

Must be Shakespeare.

Taming of the Shrew, I believe.

Would you like a drink

or a spanking?

They say there's a girl
in there with the prince.

Miss?

Hey!

You're not allowed
to wear it out there.

Only with me.

Miss. There's a gentleman
wishes to speak with you.

Well, I'm kind of
busy with the prince.

Well, he says it's
about your family.

I never should have had parents.

Miss Bundy,

I felt I should warn you

about a dastardly plot
against your family.

Hm. Hm.

"Dastardly." "Dastardly."

It means "bad."

"Real bad thing."

"Family go bye-bye"?

Uh-oh.

You must get them out of
Lower Uncton before sunrise,

or a terrible fate
will befall them.

"Befall them."

They will die.

Wow. Then I must
run like the stocking.

How can I thank
you, kind stranger?

By bringing your
family to Upper Uncton.

You don't have to tell me twice.

Where?

Upper Uncton.

Will Kelly ever find her family?

Will the male Bundys survive?

Was Brooklyn Bridge
really worthy of an Emmy?

Pbbt.

We'll answer two
of these questions

next week on
Married... With Children.