Do you really think
I didn't know?
Three, two, one, bingo!
This is Peter Falk
Here are some scenes from
the next episode of Columbo
Did he leave a note?
No, ma'am
Nothing to write with
But he took off his belt
I'm Lieutenant Columbo
and I'm looking for
a Miss Veronica Bryce
Me!
Do you think Veronica did it,
Lieutenant?
But she could've got an idea
who did k*ll him
(CLOCK TICKING)
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
ABIGAIL ON TAPE
All right, Veronica, this
ones for the Ladies Club
Just a rough copy
to play with
I come before you as
the author of 32 books
on the same subject
In other words,
I have one of the most
limited minds in the world
Thats bad enough,
but to limit myself
to writing about m*rder
seems to
Veronica dear,
you still here?
VERONICA Just winding up
III be right in
Oh
Galleys ready, Abigail?
This much, anyway
Good
I should have sent
you home hours ago
Oh!
Something wrong?
Don't you hear it?
No
I think it's a nightingale
We haven't had any for years
I don't hear anything
I'll be sure
these get off in the morning
Just one small thing
Would you call
Edmund for me?
Ask him to
stop by tomorrow
Phone your nephew
Well, he's not my nephew
He was merely
married to my niece
That's an entirely
different thing, my dear
Perhaps he would
like to take me for
a walk on the beach
2:30 would be nice
Okay
Wait a minute
I do hear something
What?
A nightingale
What a clever girl you are
Good night, Abby
(DOOR CLOSING)
ABIGAIL ON TAPE
manage an escape from
my own particular pathology
I have, heaven help me,
made attempts at humor,
romance, a childrens novel,
and one perfectly
detestable essay on
the deterioration
of the British royal family
since the American Revolution
(SEAGULLS CAWING)
ABIGAIL: As for
the broad Pacific,
I find that rather
an effeminate body of water
EDMUND: Nobody but you could
put down a whole ocean
Oh
Down on the Cape,
when I was a girl, I watched
the Atlantic day and night
How it churned
and boiled and roared
Did it roar the night
Phyllis was drowned?
Abby, please don't
(CLICKS TONGUE)
I loved my niece
With all my heart
With all the love
that I could ever
give anyone
You loved her, too,
didn't you, Edmund?
She was my wife
And you loved her?
Yes, I loved her
It must've been
terrible for you
Alone in a sailboat,
coming up from the cabin
and Phyllis gone
Disappeared in the darkness
and we never had even
the comfort
of finding the body,
of knowing
she was safely buried
The Coast Guard tried
And you tried
I know what you did
Everything you did
(HORSES APPROACHING)
She was only five years old
when I gave her the rights
to the play Birthday Present
I would have
left her everything
Now, there's no one but you
We're all that's left of her
So, when I die,
I intend to make you
my principal heir
Abby, I can't
Don't comment
I detest being edited
I'm not gonna stand here
and discuss your death
Just accept the fact
you'll inherit
a great deal of money
Don't pretend
that doesn't please you
There
Life is short,
life is fleeting
I'm glad you're
not going to protest
because, you see, Edmund,
I really have made up
my mind about you
and about me
(STOPWATCH TICKING)
Annie, my bags are ready
MARTIN: Anything
in this document
to the contrary
(TYPEWRITER CLACKING)
notwithstanding,
being of sound mind
Oh, Miss Mitchell,
your nephew finished
with his dinner
Edmund? Did he eat well?
Oh, very well, ma'am
Isn't that nice?
I always like to hear
a young man
has a good appetite
(TICKING)
(DOOR CLOSING)
Edmund, how nice you look
Oh
Dressed for the occasion
I didn't realize
there was an occasion
I want to sign my new will
in your presence
Give you a lovely
sense of security
Abby,
I want you to understand
I hope you live forever
I don't want anything
from you
It's not a question
of what you want
It's what I want
And I do not
intend to live forever
If I did, I wouldn't go
flying around in airplanes
I wouldn't sleep a wink
if I don't settle
all this business
before we take off
m*rder of the Year closes,
you know, tomorrow night
I wanna be there
for the last performance
After 19 years,
you've had a pretty good run
Well, the rights belonged
to Phyllis, you know
And to you now,
since the accident
I understand they'll
be doing it in Warsaw
Oh, Edmund, would you
bring me my jewel case
It's in the safe
EDMUND: Certainly
ABIGAIL: Large leather box,
rather flossylooking
You'll find it
Martin is coming with me
He speaks very sternly
to my publishers
Abby, the light doesn't work
Oh
It hasn't worked for months
I'll have to speak
to Veronica about it
Now, this comes
Well, that goes with me
Oh, I'll need some cash
Those metal boxes,
third one from
the top
There you are
My God, Abby
Somebody's God,
I suppose
Back it goes
Respectfully
All right, Abby
Edmund
Nice to see you again, sir
Thank you
Could we gather here,
please?
Abby,
this is your new will
Your signature is here
Edmund, this is your will
Mine?
I took the liberty
of asking Martin
to draw up your will, too
You're my heir,
I'll be your heir
If you should
predecease me,
a most unlikely event,
then the rights
to m*rder of the Year
would come back
to where they started
Is that all right?
I should have
thought of that myself
As you said, Abby,
we have nobody
but each other now
May I have a pen, please?
Aren't you going to read it?
Why?
Don't you think I trust her?
Now, Martin, would you ask
Veronica to witness these?
Abby, that plane is not
going to wait for us
They might if I ask them
It might at that
(DOOR CLOSING)
There
The deed is done
Edmund,
there's just one more thing
Only three people
know the combination
My attorney,
Veronica and myself
Now I want you to have it,
too
Abby, I'd rather I didn't
Well, Martin would also
rather you didn't
But this is my safe
We'll sneak around Martin
and do as I wish
I want you
to drive away,
then come back
the service road
Wait for me
by the side door
and I'll see Martin
doesn't disturb us
for a few minutes
Whatever you say, Abby
Have a fine trip, Abby
Mr Hammond
We will, dear
Abby, we're cutting it
awfully close
I'll just get my coat
Martin, I have to
show you something
Not now, Abby
Now!
I'll say goodbye,
now, ma'am
Goodbye, Annie
Abigail, you are
the most exasperating
woman I have ever met
I accept all superlatives
(CHUCKLES)
It's this switch
It hisses
And the lamps don't go on
There could be a fire
For Pete's sake, Abby
Well, you're so clever
with these things
I won't sleep a wink
if you don't fix it
With what?
This
(CHUCKLING)
Anything, Abby, anything
to get us out of here
Oh, I love you
(INAUDIBLE)
(TICKING)
This is the alarm
It has to be off,
as it is now
Okay
Now, the combination
Write it down, dear
You have to turn
it to the right
three times,
then start it
in this position,
on the 12
Right
No trick at all
Now you must memorize it
(GASPING)
We've forgotten the wills
These have to go in the safe
Where do they go?
Those metal boxes on the top
Okay
Edmund,
you m*rder*d my Phyllis
Do you really think
I didn't know?
Madam, your switch is fixed
Of course, it is
ABIGAIL: Thank you, Martin
Don't dawdle, Martin
Remember,
we do have a plane to catch
MARTIN: The next time, Abby,
let's take the day flight
ABIGAIL:
Days are for work
Nights are for play
Stewardess,
may I have another Scotch?
VERONICA ON PHONE I still
cant believe it, Abby
I opened the safe this morning
and he was there
Edmunds body
You have to come back
right away, please, Abby
ABIGAIL: Stewardess, may I
have another Scotch, please?
(POLICE DISPATCHER
CHATTERING ON RADIO)
Abby, are you all right?
Yes, absolutely
I'm so sorry I had to
call you like this, but
I'm Abigail Mitchell
I heard nothing at all
strange that night
And I'm a very light sleeper
(CLOCK TICKING)
(CAMERA CLICKING)
Miss Mitchell?
I'm Sergeant Burke
You know about
the body in there, ma'am?
(STUTTERING) Yes
We'll have the safe
right open
Six, five, four,
three, two, one,
bingo!
Did you hear anything?
Nothing
Soundproof
Excuse me, ma'am
You're Abigail Mitchell,
"the best in m*rder"
I just want to say, ma'am,
that it's a very great honor
to meet a famous author
I just wish
we were meeting
under happier circumstances
Thank you, young man
You're very kind
My name is Lieutenant Columbo,
ma'am Homicide
Mr Galvin, the deceased,
I understand he was
your nephew
No blood relation
He was married to my niece
Yes, your secretary told us
how your niece d*ed
in a boating accident
four months ago
They loved each other so
It's inconceivable that
another accident
could take Edmund's life
Excuse me, ma'am
What accident was that?
My safe, his death
Oh, I doubt that
was an accident, ma'am
I doubt that very much
Now, he did have
the combination
to your safe
I gave it to him last night
And we found it
in his pocket
But could you just take
a look over here, ma'am?
All done, Lieutenant
Anything else?
Out back, Sergeant
You know what
we're looking for
Yes, sir
This is your burglar alarm,
ma'am
When your secretary
came in this morning
to open the safe,
she found the alarm switch on,
like this
Now, the question is,
how did your nephew
get into the safe
all by himself
when the alarm
was on the whole time?
I can't imagine I
I'm so confused
Oh, I can't really imagine
you confused, Miss Mitchell
Not someone who can
plan a m*rder like you
I mean all your mysteries,
ma'am
But me,
I don't mind admitting
that I'm confused and I am
because
we didn't just find
your nephew's body
in the safe
Now, all this was spread out
on the floor of the safe
just the way you see it
(STUTTERING) That's
one of my manuscripts
The Night I Was m*rder*d
Well, it was pulled apart,
ma'am
Nothing missing
All the pages are there
But pulled apart
You don't suppose
Edmund was reading
it to pass the time?
Surely he must have
expected to be rescued
Well, the light in the safe
doesn't work, ma'am
And he only had six matches,
which he used up
Poor soul
Burning up his oxygen
Did he leave a note?
No, ma'am
Nothing to write with
But he took off his belt
His belt?
His belt, ma'am
It has little flecks
of black something,
like paint, on the buckle
The medical examiner says
the same black stuff
is under your
nephew's fingernails
Scratching at the door
of his death trap
Oh, hideous
Well, the thing is, ma'am,
the only black paint
around the door
is on the outside
And then, Miss Mitchell,
there are these
Two pieces of paper
with torn edges
Nothing on them
Oh, dear
I'm afraid
I can't absorb it all
Baffling, isn't it?
I was hoping
you might be able to explain
Do you mind
if we leave this room?
The whole thing
is so oppressive
Certainly, ma'am
I understand
Oh, Abby,
I put a tea tray
in the living room
After that, you really
should get some rest
I couldn't possibly, dear
Besides,
I have work to do
with Lieutenant Columbo
"I have work to do
with Lieutenant Columbo"
I wish Mrs Columbo
could hear that
I'll tell you, she's one
of your biggest fans
I mean, the day that
one of your books comes out,
she's the first one
to put her order in
at the library
Delighted, Lieutenant
This certainly
is a charming room
Very nice little things
you have standing around,
ma'am
Very nice
Very nice
You know, a woman
in your position, ma'am,
(PLAYING THIS OLD MAN)
I'm surprised you don't have
an attorney here with you
I don't understand
No I mean,
an important person like you
and how you had your attorney
here last night
and he flew
to New York with you
and I would've thought that
he would come back with you
I did not consider it
appropriate to return
to a corpse in my safe
in my home,
hand in hand with my lawyer
The image lacks civility
One lump, two?
Three, thank you, ma'am
You know what
I'm dying to ask you?
All those books,
all those
brilliant schemes,
how do you think of them?
By putting myself
in your position
Isn't that something?
That's just what
I said to Mrs Columbo
I said,
"When that woman writes,
"she don't think
like a m*rder*r,
"she thinks like a policeman"
(CHUCKLING)
Having composed myself,
I'm ready to think
like a policeman now
I believe I can explain
what happened here
last night
and why the switch
was on this morning
Oh, I would
appreciate that, ma'am
That would be a big help
Uh
Can I sit in this?
Well, that's what
it was made for 400 years ago
(CHAIR CREAKING)
I gave Edmund
the combination to my safe
after my decision to leave him
a great deal of money
Are you aware of that?
Yes, ma'am
We found the wills
in one of those metal boxes
He drove away just before
we left for the airport
My attorney was here
at the time
My maid, my secretary
Later last night,
Edmund must have returned
He knew I keep a great deal
of money in my safe
You mean
he came back to steal?
Well, let's say
to take an advance
against his inheritance
It seems I misjudged Edmund
But you see, Lieutenant,
I neglected to turn
the alarm back on
when I closed the safe
last night
I called Annie
from the airport, my maid
She came into
the living room
to switch it on
Edmund was already
in the safe, I believe
He heard her coming,
he panicked,
he pulled the door shut
and the dial
must have jumped
and locked itself
It does that sometimes
You may check it out
yourself
I already did, ma'am
Well, then you see,
it was an accident
Well,
that certainly makes sense
An accident
That's probably what it was
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Excuse me
Lieutenant, we found it
Can I talk to you?
Yes, Sergeant
(INAUDIBLE)
Excuse me, Miss Mitchell
I can't tell you
what a big help you've been
A big help
to Lieutenant Columbo
I wish my publishers
could hear you say that
(DOOR CLOSING)
(COLUMBO WHISTLING
THIS OLD MAN)
(WHISTLING FADES)
VERONICA: Abby
Here, you'd better drink this
It looks like an awful day
Yes, doesn't it, dear?
Nephew's
Wait a minute,
let me see that shoe
That's a very nice shoe
You like that shoe, Sergeant?
It's very nice, Lieutenant
Well, it's practically new
That's terrific
I'm looking for a pair
of shoes just like this
You see,
I like them rounded toes
It's Frenchstyle
The French started that
Oh, made in Italy
Well, what's the difference?
I like them, you see
Used to be very big
in this country
How do, ma'am?
Well, if you fancy them,
Lieutenant,
as Edmund's legal heir,
I'm empowered to make you
a gift of his shoes
Oh, that's very kind of you,
ma'am, but no thanks
It's true I am in the market
for a pair of shoes
and I was caught
by the style,
but they're not my size
They do fit the footprint,
though
We're making
a plaster cast
Yes, very impressive
But we do know
that Edmund was here
Remember? He was
found dead in my safe
Well, the only
question is, ma'am, how
did he get into the house?
Presumably with a key
My niece knew
that I kept them here
She must have told Edmund
Here, wait a minute
There
(GASPING)
Uhoh, fingerprints
Is it too late?
I would say so,
yes, ma'am
Well, then if there's
nothing else
Well, as a matter
of fact, there is,
Miss Mitchell
It's about your
nephew's car keys
You and everyone else
saw him drive away
We found the car back there
on the service road
So he had to have car keys
But there were no
car keys on the body
So the question is,
what happened to his keys?
I can't imagine
What do you think?
Oh, I'm not a writer, ma'am
It's not what I think,
it's what I can prove
And I can't prove a thing
about those car keys
But I'm gonna work on it,
ma'am
I'm gonna work on it
very hard
Could I have one
of these flowers
for Mrs Columbo?
I insist, Lieutenant
Wait till I tell her
it came from Abigail Mitchell
Goodbye, ma'am
Ma'am,
if there's nothing else,
I'll be turning in
Yes, it's time
we all had some rest
What are you doing, Annie?
That policeman, ma'am,
the one that's in charge
He kept putting
his cigar butts in the sand
I dumped it out
and made it nice and fresh
Dumped it where?
In the trash, ma'am
It was just before
the garbage truck come
Oh, thank you, Annie
Oh, ma'am, one more thing
Yes?
There were some keys
here in the sand
Were there?
Yes Miss Veronica
said they were hers
She'd been looking for them
And Miss Veronica
took her keys?
Oh, yes, ma'am
How fortunate for her
Good night, Annie
Good night
Oh, Abby
Before I split,
I thought you might like
the draft of
the women's club speech
Oh, thank you, dear
Good night
Oh, Veronica
Yeah?
Is there anything else?
I can't think of anything
Can you?
Not for now
Tomorrow is another day,
isn't it?
It better be
Good night, boss
Good night
(DOOR CLOSING)
(SCREECHING TO A HALT)
ABIGAIL: You may take this
as another confession
I cannot write
any kind of fiction
that doesn't have
a m*rder or a sleuth
in it There you are
(WOMEN LAUGHING)
As Agatha Christie said
when someone asked her
why she didn't write
other kinds of novels,
"Madam, one does what
one can, not what one can't"
(ALL LAUGHING)
Very good, you know
Putting the m*rder*r
behind bars
is the business
of detective fiction
or committing him
or her to the executioner
Why?
Why do so many readers
take joy in that?
Is it because
we're punishing something
that we feel in ourselves?
Is there m*rder
in our civilized hearts?
Obviously, there is in mine
And I'm wellpaid
(ALL LAUGHING)
(APPLAUDING)
Well, now, well, now,
there are murderers
and then there are murders
Once upon a time
the offended party
could issue
a challenge to a duel
What a wonderful solution
to a problem!
By the time
the duel ended,
the problem
no longer existed
Of course, dueling existed
only for our forefathers,
not our foremothers
Chauvinism at its very worst
However, however,
women were the cooks
and there was all sorts
of poison available
(ALL CLAPPING)
(ABIGAIL CHUCKLING)
In our midst today,
ladies,
there is someone who
deals with m*rder
In fact, for him,
it's a fact of life
Real and frightening,
a dark probability from
which he must defend us
I wonder if we could
prevail upon Detective
Lieutenant Columbo
of the Police
Homicide Division
to say a few words to us?
Oh, come on
She got you
You're adorable
Listen! Perhaps, perhaps,
Lieutenant Columbo
will speak to us
on his special field,
hypermodern
chemical techniques
and their application
to advanced criminology
There you go
(ALL APPLAUDING)
I talk better
when this is lit
I didn't expect
anything like this
I came here
just like you to enjoy
the famous Abigail Mitchell
As for all that
chemical stuff,
I think Miss Mitchell
was putting you on
because I don't know
anything about that
And about my work being
dark and frightening,
I'll tell you the truth,
I'm not sure about that,
either
I like my job
Oh, I like it a lot
And I'm not depressed by it
And I don't think
the world is full of criminals
and full of murderers
Because it isn't
It's full of nice people
just like you
And if it wasn't for my job,
I wouldn't be getting
to meet you like this
And I'll tell you
something else
Even with some of
the murderers that I meet,
I even like them, too
Sometimes
Like them
and even respect them
Not for what they did,
certainly not for that
But for that part of them
which is intelligent
or funny or just nice
Because there's niceness
in everyone,
a little bit, anyhow
You can take a cop's word
for it
Thank you, ladies
(ALL CHATTERING)
ABIGAIL:
Oh, thank you, dear
Thank you so much
I'm so glad you liked it
How nice of you to come
Miss Mitchell, ma'am
Yes
I thought you made
a wonderful speech
You're gonna forgive
my little prank?
I'm gonna tell you a secret,
ma'am
I enjoyed myself
(LAUGHING)
I'll tell you the reason
that I wanted to see you,
Miss Mitchell
I would like to
take a look at your
nephew's apartment
Whatever for?
Oh, if I knew that,
ma'am, I wouldn't
have to look at it
Now you're inheriting
the property and all,
so, I'd like you
to be there, too
I could run you over
My car is right here
It's French
Very rare
Oh, yes, I can see why
Would you consider joining me?
I'm gonna make a request,
ma'am
Would you allow me
to drive this car?
Okay
Thank you very much
Abby, are you all set?
Well, it was all set
But you see,
now I have a mission
with Lieutenant Columbo
The travel agency called
about the stateroom
You want me
to take care of it?
Oh, yes
Just tell them "A" deck again
Right
You know, I can remember
the only new car my father
ever bought
How proud he was
The way it smelled
Kind of like the inside
of a Pullman car
It wasn't like this, though,
I'll tell you that
Mmm
My father never owned a car
Not until I bought him one
I was 20
I'd just sold my first book
Shall we compare
poverty stories, Lieutenant?
Not in a RollsRoyce, ma'am
What a treat
to watch a consummate
professional at work
(MUMBLING)
You may ignore me
Proceed to detect
Well, there won't be
much to watch, ma'am
Oh
What did you say
that your nephew
did for a living?
Well, now, you see
those quaint objects
up against the wall?
Those are called skis
And this funny
whatchamacallit,
this over here,
that is called
a tennis racket
Now,
this gizmo on the wall
is a sailboat's wheel
You may deduce what
Edmund did with his time
Any enemies, would you say?
Oh, I can't imagine
why there should be
Are you still going
to hold to that theory
of malice and m*rder?
Until I find those keys,
ma'am
Are they in the drawer?
You're putting me on again,
Miss Mitchell
Would you kindly observe me
in this other room?
Back there at
the Ladies' Club, ma'am,
when you were
talking to Veronica,
she said something
about a stateroom
and you said "A" deck
Oh, yes, yes
I'm sailing in three days
The Far East
Off with the old,
on with the new
Whatever that means
I've decided to do
my new book on shipboard
Oh, I wouldn't count on that,
ma'am
We're gonna need
your presence here in town
until this thing is settled
There's nothing to settle
Bear with me, ma'am
My plans were made
weeks ago
I know you'll understand
I do not understand
You'll have to discuss
this with my attorney
Well, I think we're
finished here, Miss Mitchell
What, precisely, have you
found out from all this
poking around?
I'm surprised, I really am
Didn't you see it?
Evidently not
Your niece and her husband,
you said they were very much
in love
Well, they couldn't have been
In fact,
they must've had
a very poor marriage
You see, Miss Mitchell,
there aren't any pictures
of Edmund's dead wife
Not a single one
And I'll be very glad to
talk to your attorney, ma'am
Playing hooky again, huh?
That's the blessing
of being two years
ahead with my books
I can squander an afternoon
I thought you should know
that Lieutenant Columbo's
back again
Is he?
Mmmhmm In the library
Whatever does he
expect to find in there?
(BEE BUZZING)
These? Edmund's car keys
I knew the police
were looking for them
So were you, Abby
In the sand
How very thoughtful of you,
dear
I believe we'll
have this one, too
Oh, yes, it's lovely
Abby,
I've been meaning to
speak to you about my salary
After all, we've been
together nearly four years
I thought
more like a bonus
Perhaps a long trip
You've never been to Europe
Oh, but I wouldn't wanna
be away from you for too long
Besides, it might end up
like one of your plots
I mean
by the time I get back,
the police might even somehow
suspect me
of murdering Edmund
Yes, I understand
I thought maybe
we could travel together
On your cruise
I've never been on a cruise
Delightful idea
You could help me
with my book
And there'd be plenty of time
to talk about our futures
Oh, Abby, I
I do hope you don't think
I'm forcing myself
Oh, my dear,
I'm always been baffled
by people who say
they won't submit
to force
I can't think of anything else
to submit to, can you?
(CLOCK TICKING)
(DOOR CLOSING)
MARTIN: Lieutenant Columbo?
Lieutenant Columbo?
Yes?
How do you do?
I'm Martin Hammond,
Miss Mitchell's attorney
Oh, right
You were in New York
Yes
Would you care to join me?
Lieutenant,
I trust you realize that
Miss Mitchell is
a rather influential lady
Oh, I'm aware of that, sir
I saw all those pictures
of her
signed by Eisenhower
and Truman
and Kennedy
and Mahatma Gandhi
How did she know
Mahatma Gandhi?
Perhaps from her travels
By the way, she intends
to travel again
She's leaving
the day after tomorrow
Oh, I don't think
I can permit that, sir
Why not?
Well,
as Miss Mitchell said,
the body was found
in her safe in her house
But Edmund
had left this house
He drove away in front
of three witnesses,
one of which was myself
He returned,
well, I don't know when,
but it was some time after
Miss Mitchell had
departed for New York
That's a fact to which
I also am a witness,
Lieutenant
So do you propose
to hold her as a suspect?
No, sir, I don't think
I could properly do that
As a material witness, then?
No, I don't think
I could do that,
either, sir,
since the lady wasn't here
Do you think that
these two pieces of
paper go together, sir?
No, they do not
Would you say
that something is missing?
I would say something
appears to be missing
You're a very good attorney,
sir, very convincing
Goodbye
Goodbye, Lieutenant
Very good lawyer, sir
Very convincing
(MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC PLAYING)
Great Roll off
the right foot, honey
Fine
Dance it, enjoy it
Great More hips, hips, hips
Good Now make it
sensual but dignified,
it's not a striptease
Combination, hips Great
Both sides, use both sides
Arms up
Stomach, stomach, good
You're terrific
Excuse the interruption,
ma'am
I'm Lieutenant Columbo
and I'm looking for
a Miss Veronica Bryce
Yes, Lieutenant?
You?
Me!
Excuse the interruption,
I'm sorry
More questions?
Just a few
Thank you
Over here
All right Thank you
Excuse me
Hey, that's quite a costume
you got there, ma'am
I thought this was just some
kind of an exercise class
Well, that's
exactly what it is
Now, what can I do
for you, Lieutenant?
Lieutenant?
Yes, ma'am Yes
Now, it's about
how you came to find
Edmund's body in the safe
It wasn't very difficult
I just opened the door
and there he was
What I mean is how did
you come to open the safe
on that particular morning
at that particular time?
Do you usually open
the safe once a week,
twice a week, once a month?
How often?
Whenever I have
something to put in it
That morning I'd finished
typing Abby's new book
The Night I was m*rder*d,
that book?
No, no
The Night I was m*rder*d
was last year's book
This is a brandnew one
She told me to be sure
to lock it in the safe
as soon as
I'd finished typing
the last few pages
When did she tell
you that, ma'am,
the night before?
Yes, the night before
Excuse me, Lieutenant,
but this is the last class
before we sail
You mean you're sailing
with Miss Mitchell?
Does that surprise you?
Well, yes, ma'am, it does
It's just that there
in front of the Ladies' Club,
I got the impression that you
were making the arrangements
just for her
Oh, did you?
Well, I'm included now,
is that all right?
Oh, certainly
Excuse me Pardon me
Sorry, sorry, ma'am,
forgive me
(BIRDS CAWING)
COLUMBO: Good morning, ma'am
What a nice surprise
Oh! Good morning, Lieutenant
Do you love surprises
as much as I do?
Well, that depends, ma'am
I've had some nasty ones
And given a few,
I guess
Do you come here often?
Well, sometimes
in the mornings,
walk my dog
Is he all right?
Well, yes, ma'am
Do you see something wrong?
He seems to be
scraping bottom
Well, that's the way
they were made
He likes to
look at the boats
We come down here
in the mornings
and walk and think
In my business,
the thinking never stops
He loves the ocean
How can you tell?
It makes him frisky
Had enough?
Okay Now don't go away
Stay
He's trained
Amazing
I've been
watching the sailboat
Oh, beautiful thing
Not to me
It's like the one
Phyllis was drowned on
I looked into that, ma'am
She disappeared
from the boat
But the police,
they don't know for a fact
that she d*ed of drowning
I didn't know the police
took all that interest
It was so officially closed
Well, there was nothing else
they could do, ma'am
No
Nope Nothing else
That must have
been very hard losing
someone you love like that
I've been very lucky
I've lost my parents,
that's the way of the world
But to lose
someone that young,
that's like being cheated
That's very hard
I'm beginning to be
very fond of you, Lieutenant
I think you're
a very kind man
Don't count on that,
Miss Mitchell
Don't count on it
Here, dog, come here, dog
Come on
I still think
Edmund was m*rder*d
And I'm still looking
for the car keys
When I find the keys,
I'll find the m*rder*r
You quite sure,
Lieutenant?
Very sure, ma'am
These are the car keys
And I didn't m*rder Edmund
He drove away,
I went to New York
Remember?
I found them this morning,
out back
Out back?
COLUMBO: Right there, ma'am?
Next to this sprinkler?
ABIGAIL: Right there
Right there
Well, ma'am,
I don't know what to say
Well, you might say
Edmund dropped his keys
I'm a very old woman
I know you think I'm stupid
To tell you the truth,
I'm only really
intelligent when I write
Still, it seems clear to me,
there was Edmund's car,
there were the keys
and there was Edmund
Yes, ma'am,
that certainly explains it
It certainly does
I'll be running off now
Goodbye, young man
Oh, Lieutenant Columbo
Just one more question
Yes, ma'am
Are you prepared to
drop your m*rder theory?
The ship hasn't sailed yet,
ma'am
(HORN BLARING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
Have a fine time now,
ma'am
And you too, Annie
You enjoy your vacation
I will I will
(EXCLAIMING)
Well, Martin
All brighteyed
and bushytailed,
aren't you?
Yes!
Well, you are quite a girl,
Miss Abigail Mitchell
I just write well
Thanks for rescuing me from
the Lieutenant's clutches
Oh, that was my
very great pleasure
Oh, Veronica, bon voyage
Oh, thank you, Mr Hammond
Well, take care, love
And call me any time
you find a body in your safe
Abby, my God,
it's like a dream
How can I thank you?
You'll find a way, my dear
Is it all right
if I go on deck?
You're free to do
whatever you please
Excuse me, Lieutenant
All visitors must go ashore
Are you sailing with me?
Oh, it's not that
I wouldn't like that, ma'am
Mrs Columbo and I tried it
It was terrific
Then goodbye
Thanks for seeing me off
Well, the fact is,
Miss Mitchell, I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave with me
Well, that's impossible
Not really, ma'am
I have a bench warrant here
to show to the captain
May I ask why?
Well, ma'am,
it's those car keys again
You see these pictures,
ma'am?
These are sh*ts
of Edmund's footprint
taken out there
in back of your house
That was the day that
Veronica found the body
Now, this picture here,
we had a section
of this blown up
Here's the blowup
You see by this
sprinkler head here,
that's right where you said
you found Edmund's keys
Right under that bush, ma'am
But there aren't
any keys there,
not the day that
Edmund was k*lled
You see that?
So how can you say
that you found them
there yesterday?
The curse of old age,
Lieutenant, forgetfulness
One bush is
much like another
Do you want me to speak
to the captain, ma'am?
I'm gonna be
needing your help
back there at the house
Excuse me,
I need my coat out there
And I'll need mine
(WHIRRING)
If you don't mind, ma'am?
Is this the important help
you needed?
Oh, no, ma'am
I'm gonna need a lot
more help than that
To the desk, ma'am
You see these two
pieces of paper, ma'am?
You can see that
there is a missing piece
And I kept saying to myself,
I kept thinking,
there's Edmund locked
in there in the safe
Now supposing, just supposing,
I'm right and you're wrong,
there he is locked
in there by the m*rder*r
And he certainly must've known
who that was
If I'm right, that is
Would you agree, ma'am?
If you insist
Then, I said to myself,
if I was Edmund,
if I knew I was
going to die in there,
I would want
the m*rder*r punished
I would certainly want
the police to know
who m*rder*d me
But you have nothing
to write with, Edmund
Absolutely correct
And even if I could've
written out an accusation,
I would have no way
of being certain
who would be the first person
to open the safe and find it,
or destroy it
I mean, for all Edmund knew,
it could have been
the m*rder*r who would be
the first person
to open the safe
But I can't get it
out of my head
that the dead man
left us something,
a message
Some sort of sign
(EXCLAIMING)
The missing piece of paper
Not exactly, ma'am
That's a puzzle, all right
But I keep thinking
that Edmund maybe
left us a different
kind of puzzle
These safe deposit boxes,
ma'am,
they've all been in and out of
the safe a half dozen times
since the m*rder
Stacked every which way
May I put them here?
Sure
Now, you remember that
Edmund had black paint
under his fingernails
and on his belt buckle
like he was trying to
scratch at something
And the only black paint with
scratches is on these boxes
Nice, fresh, new scratches
Do you see the scratches,
ma'am?
(EXCLAIMING)
His message from the grave
Please, ma'am,
bear with me
It's like we have
to interpret them,
put them in
some kind of order
If there is an order,
that is
That's why I need your help,
ma'am
Your particular
kind of mind
I suppose we could
start almost anywhere
Let's turn this top box over
and see what that's like
What do you make of that,
ma'am?
A "V" "V" for victory
Perhaps he was
expressing his lifeforce
(GASPING)
Or is it "V" for Veronica?
How very cruel of her
Do you think Veronica did it,
Lieutenant?
Oh, I doubt that, ma'am
I doubt that very much
But she could have
got an idea who did
k*ll him
Really?
What a clever girl she is
Perhaps it's upside down
(EXCLAIMING)
An unfinished "A"
"A" for Annie
Did Annie, my maid, do it?
We haven't got a butler
Abigail Mitchell
"A" for Abigail, ma'am
Was he accusing me?
Are you accusing me,
Lieutenant?
I wasn't here
Right, ma'am
That's a fact
Well, let's take
this second one
and turn it around
Well, we could turn this
upside down and put it on top
Mmmhmm
A "Y"
Maybe it's a cosmic question,
"Why? "
Dear Edmund in the safe,
questioning
the meaning of life
Or why he was m*rder*d,
ma'am?
Oh, every character I write
knows exactly
why he was m*rder*d
Let's try again
About those car keys,
the only way you could have
got them after Edmund left
is for Edmund
to have come back before
you left for the airport
And you were with him, ma'am
Edmund and you were together
That's very extravagant
of you, Lieutenant
Can you prove that?
No, ma'am, no
Not a chance
What do you make of that,
ma'am?
(GROANING)
An arrow An arrow
pointing straight down
Do you think he wanted to call
attention to his new shoes?
Excuse me, ma'am
ABIGAIL: An arrow
pointing straight to heaven
Heaven is my destination?
He wanted us to know
the light doesn't work
He was always
a bit of a complainer
It's the title page
from your manuscript, ma'am
The Night I Was m*rder*d?
It's the missing piece
You see, these two words
have been rubbed out
by a b*rned match
Would you mind
reading it for me, ma'am?
Out loud, please, ma'am?
"I Was m*rder*d"
Go on, ma'am
"by Abigail Mitchell"
m*rder*d by Abigail Mitchell
Deathbed testimony
That's considered very
strong evidence, ma'am
I understand why you
did it, Miss Mitchell
Veronica will spit
when she hears
I don't suppose you would
consider making
an exception in my case?
An old woman,
quite harmless, all in all
Under the circumstances,
your kindness
I thank you
for the compliment
But you're a very
professional person
in your work and so am I
Very professional indeed
Just think, Lieutenant
If you had investigated
my niece's death,
all this need
never have happened
07x01 - Try and Catch Me
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Columbo is a homicide detective whose trademarks include his rumpled beige raincoat, unassuming demeanor, cigar, old Peugeot 403 car, and an unseen wife.
Columbo is a homicide detective whose trademarks include his rumpled beige raincoat, unassuming demeanor, cigar, old Peugeot 403 car, and an unseen wife.