11x20 - May Cause Season 11 to End

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Robot Chicken". Aired: February 20, 2005 –present.*
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American adult animated comedy with a series of pop-culture parodies about everything.
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11x20 - May Cause Season 11 to End

Post by bunniefuu »

[Theme music playing]


[Lever clicks]

MAN: It's alive!

[Robot chicken clucking]

[Laughing evilly]

Oh, my God.
We're gonna die!

I didn't want to do this
in the first place!

We're gonna die.
Oh, no, it's happening!

- Ah!
- Oh, phew.

- Whew!
- Wow, I saw my life flash before my eyes.

- We really avoided...
- That was terrible.

Ah, I thought that
was gonna be so much worse.

[Goose honks]

- Aww, look at the goose!
- That's so cute.

- So cute, look at that goose.
- Oh, that's so cool.

- I heard she took a two-foot shit.
- For real?

Finally, home after a long day

of being the first president
of the United States.

- [Giggles]
- Who are you?!

I'm George Washington Barbie.
This is my life.

Are you saying you want to k*ll me

and then pose as me,
George Washington,

a man who is ' ",
has wooden teeth,

and is the President
of the United States?

- I cannot tell a lie. [g*nsh*t]
- Ah!

Now to complete my look.





Mm, perfect!

Hello, Mr. Washington.
Y-You shrunk, Sir.

Hi, John Adams.
[Chuckles] Cute wig.

I am so sorry,
I don't want to ask this,

but aren't you
supposed to be a guy?

- I am.
- Well, the teeth are accurate.

And check this out.

Does this look like
a girl part to you?

I don't know if you know this, sir,

but your penis has termites.



I declare the White House
a dream house.


MAN: George Washington
Barbie never told a lie,

except for the lie that
she was George Washington,

although she was
George Washington Barbie.

The end.

Oh, man. [Sighs]
You have insurance, right?

- Nope.
- Oh, man!

Oh, boy, "Empire Strikes Back"
is my favorite movie.

"Luke, I am your father."

No, I am your father.

That's not the line.

Young nerd, Darth Vader never
said "Luke" in that famous line.

The ghost of Nelson Mandela.

You're experiencing
the Mandela effect.

It's named for
a collective false memory.

Like when people
remember me dying in prison

in the ' s when I actually died
at home in .

Oh, like "The Berenstain Bears"

actually being "The Berenstein Bears."

It's actually
the other way around.

- Or is it?
- Agree to disagree.

Well, we need to fix "Star Wars."

If only there was a way to go
back in time.

There is.
Take my hand.

- Your hand is a time machine?
- Pretty cool, right?

Suck a "D," Bill and Ted.

The original script.

I'll fix the line
so it's the way I remember it.

- [Mumbles]
- But there's more!

when Forrest Gump said,

"Life is like a box of chocolates"?
He actually said...

Mama always said life was
like a box of chocolates.

We got to correct this.

Excuse me, Mr. Hanks,
the studio said

you got to change that line.


For legal reasons.
Thanks so much.

[Bleep]ing bean counters.
Always stepping on my art.

- Okay, back to one!
- Remember Curious George the monkey?

Well, did you know
he never actually had a tail?

Excuse me, H.A. Rey,
no big deal,

just emergency services.
Here, I'll take that.

Oh, I knew this monkey
was missing something.

Now let's go back
to current times

to enjoy the fruits of our labor.


I am a closer relative
than you think.

Oh, no, my penmanship.

- I made it worse.
- It's okay. Turn on "Forrest Gump."

Life is a box.

Oh, no.
Well, at least Curious George

doesn't have to say anything.
Turn on PBS.

Not what I pictured,
but I like it.

A big monkey wiener?

I bet everyone
will be curious about that.

[Both laugh]

Oh, mm.
Oh, baby.

Unh. Oh, baby. Do I have
to leave this thing on?

Yeah, you spin that web.


- Mmm.
- [Laughs]

Want a cereal that tastes great

- and helps release pent-up rage?
- Yeah!

Time to give breakfast
what it deserves.

the nutritious

whole-grain cereal
with the excitement

of a late ' s k*lling spree!

Toasted oats in the same
fun shapes as my cryptograms.

And the back of every box
has a cypher puzzle.

- Wow.
- Delicious and entertaining?

- Who are you?
- [Laughs] Nobody knows,

which is why we've mixed in
multi-colored marshmallows

that look like the suspects
people thought I might be.

The police detective, the librarian,
the Navy veteran.

They even got the guy
with a deathbed confession.

He's... ha... delicious!

- And also not guilty.
- m*rder-licious!

- I hope they never find you.
- It's been years.

I'd say you've got
nothing to worry about,

except the safety of your parents.

- [Screams]
- Z-oh-diacs...

...unsolvably delicious.

♪ Old McThanos had a farm ♪

♪ T-H-A-N-O-S ♪

♪ And on that farm,
he had the only chickens ♪

♪ Left in the galaxy ♪

♪ T-H-A-N-O-S ♪

♪ With a snap-snap here ♪

♪ And a snap-snap there ♪

♪ Here a snap, there a snap ♪

♪ Everywhere a snap-snap ♪

♪ Old McThanos had a farm ♪

♪ T-H-A-N-O... ♪

Oh, shit.

[Siren wailing]


[Crowd booing]

[All shouting indistinctly]

Whoa, this ain't Denny's.

It's a cool dance.
You guys a cult?

I was in a cult once.
They kicked me out

for siphoning gas
from the cult leader's Camaro.

[All shout indistinctly]

Hey, you ever siphon gas?

It's a real easy way
to accidentally drink gas.

ALL: No! No way!

Oh, invisible kids. Is it
cool if I hit my vape in here?

- ALL: No, no!
- Get out!

[Shouting indistinctly]

I'd leave, but I'm not
real sure how I got here

in the first place, and
the last thing I remember,

I was sniffing a shit ton
of airplane glue.

No way, get out!

Okay, that pokey, stabby
feeling feels real familiar.

That's definitely
a NARCAN injection.

Guess they're calling me home.



But why bats, Master Bruce?

They scare me, Alfred.

I want my enemies
to experience that fear.

Let's take a look at this baby.

I look like a giant bat!

Get me out of this thing!

[Screaming] Get it off,
get it off, get it off!

Get it off! It's on my arm!
It's on my face!

Ahh! [Bleep]!
The bats are on me!


I hate bats!

Oh! [Screams]

I am a bat!
The bat is on me!

It's all over me!

Get me out of this thing!


I'm inside the bat!

[Gasps] Cookies?
Yes, me accept.

Me click yes cookies.
Where cookies?

Ahhh! Cookies!

Cookies! No cookies?
What is real?

Me trust nothing.

Welcome to Domino's.
Can I interest you in a pizza?

Everyone on the [bleep]ing ground.

- It's the Noid.
- What?

The Domino's mascot
from to .

He's the physical manifestation
of everything

that can go wrong
when ordering a pizza.

Nearly a decade of service
to the Domino's Corporation,

and how did they repay me?

- By kicking me to the curb!
- What went wrong, Mr. Noid?

In , a man
with the last name Noid

took a Domino's hostage,
believing the Noid was created

to mock him.
His demands... free pizza,

a white limo, and the end of the
Noid in Domino's advertising.

And those spineless suits
caved to him!

- Wait, is this shit real?
- Yeah. Check the Wikipedia page.

Point is, now I'm the one
with the g*n,

and I demand that Domino's
bring back the Noid.

[Siren wails]
MAN: Come on out with your hands up.

Not unless Domino's
brings back the Noid.

Uh, oh, okay.
Sure, we can do that.

Shit. The Noid is back, baby!


[Tires squeal, siren wails]

Can I get garlic knots
with those meat lover pizzas?

Yodels, Ho Hos, Doodles,

Ding Dongs, Ring Dings,
King Dons, Ring Kings,

Ring Dongs,
Ding Ring Dongs,

- Ding Dang Doodle Dogs.
- Dad! Mom's doing it again.

Triple Dipple Ding Dong
Dipple Dongs.

[Indistinct conversations]

Oh hey, so that's season .

Thanks to the musical guests,
Yaboobas. [Farts]

- Also, thanks to the Zodiac k*ller...
- Not guilty.

...the ghost of Nelson Mandela,
and of course,

both slices of American cheese.

Oh, and Tom Hanks' brother, Jim.

- Thanks, Jim!
- Yeah.

See you next year
if we don't get canceled.

Good night, everybody!

I cannot wait to not see your
[bleep]ing face for six months.

[Bleep] you, [bleep] face.

Thanks for cutting my sketch
at the last minute, assholes.

I wasn't even in this episode.

That Noid sketch went over
like a brick balloon, huh?

[Laughs] Go back and vote for
Brexit, you [bleep]ing idiot.

Your opinion means
nothing to me.

The Zodiac k*ller just escaped
with the whole party sub.

You know, on "Suits,"
we had a full taco bar

- seven days a week.
- I [bleep]ing love "Suits."

- Yeah.
- Taco bar.

[Both shouting]

I've had just about enough
of your bullshit.

I will punch a hole through
my own [bleep]ing face

if these g*dd*mn credits
don't end right the [bleep] no...

, engage
the doom cannon.

Dude, we got canceled.
Forget it. It's over.

Come on,
think of the fans, Doc.

that's what I'm doing.

They deserve better
this creepy Pinocchio bullshit.

Don't break the puppet, dude.

We could sell it on eBay.
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